Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Ali Woods: Comedy Sketches, Nipple Cams, Seinfeld, Ping Pong & Can We Do Another Podcast? I Talk Box Ep.19

Transcript

Ali Woods: Comedy Sketches, Nipple Cams, Seinfeld, Ping Pong & Can We Do Another Podcast? I Talk Box Ep.19 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

• 0:01
  Yeah, that's right, Allie Woods. He brings out the dog in me.
• 0:05
  He's my next guest, so let's check him out.
• 0:08
  He's coming with a special on Sunday, which is probably
• 0:13
  already passed, but you'll love it on YouTube.
• 0:17
  Come on, man. Watch.
• 0:20
  It's right here. Did.
• 0:37
  You mention the special. Mr Woods, Oh my God, how are
• 0:48
  you? Good to see you.
• 0:49
  It's so nice to see you. Have a scene.
• 0:52
  Thank you so much for having me. It's my pleasure.
• 0:54
  It's my pleasure. I just, I'm kind of late to the
• 0:58
  party because I've been watching your comedy videos.
• 1:03
  Oh, sorry about that. So no, they're so fucking funny.
• 1:06
  Oh hell yeah. Yeah, I'm going to the bad ones.
• 1:07
  Yeah, good for you. No How?
• 1:09
  When did you start doing all of those?
• 1:12
  O2020IN lockdown and COVID because I always wanted, you
• 1:15
  know, I always wanted to do them, but I was scared that
• 1:18
  people would go what what a loser this guy is.
• 1:21
  Yeah, you made the leap. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:23
  You know, you got to just lose the last remaining sense of
• 1:26
  self-awareness. Sometimes it takes a COVID to
• 1:29
  make that leap. Right.
• 1:30
  Yeah. All I needed was the gentle push
• 1:33
  of an international pandemic. That's all.
• 1:35
  And that's just sometimes it's the little things.
• 1:37
  Really. There was a little moment to my
• 1:39
  career when I kind of thought to myself, maybe the world's going
• 1:42
  to end. Maybe it's not so cringe.
• 1:44
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:44
  Maybe I should do a comedy video.
• 1:47
  Everyone's dying. Yeah, maybe this will heal the
• 1:50
  world in a way. So what was your first one?
• 1:53
  Oh, by the way. Oh yeah.
• 1:55
  Oh yeah. Cheers.
• 1:56
  Yeah, clink if any whiskey. Fill in sponsor.
• 2:00
  Sponsor whatever sponsor you want.
• 2:02
  Apple juice. Whatever you want, whatever you
• 2:04
  want it to be. Kenny will put P at the bottom.
• 2:06
  Drink urine. That's urine.
• 2:10
  We're in urine. Urine.
• 2:13
  The money. That's that's a good
• 2:16
  sponsorship. That's good tasting P but yours
• 2:22
  sweet. Yeah, for my guess, I eat a lot
• 2:26
  of candy, floss and then I piss into the gloss.
• 2:29
  Just that would be a good podcast.
• 2:30
  Yeah, that's. That's the, that's everything's
• 2:35
  a poker. I love it.
• 2:36
  That's like a character, like a terrible SNL character.
• 2:39
  Every time someone says anything, but it's like my mom's
• 2:42
  had to go to hospital. That'd be a good podcast.
• 2:43
  Would be a great podcast live from the ICU, you know what I
• 2:47
  mean? Just needs to edit out those
• 2:48
  beeping, you know? I need to go to the dentist.
• 2:51
  I'll be right over with. My mics.
• 2:58
  So we got that character sorted. So yeah, our first video I ever
• 3:02
  did was like. Here's my problem.
• 3:04
  OK, it's like, what's your segues?
• 3:08
  This segues is you always your first one?
• 3:11
  I take it as a big deal like, oh, what's my first one going to
• 3:15
  be like? It's got to be.
• 3:17
  Otherwise, maybe just do a video and not worry about it.
• 3:21
  Yeah, yeah. That's what that's what
• 3:24
  convinced me to lose my virginity.
• 3:26
  I was always just doing it. I was already worried about the
• 3:28
  reviews and what my friends would think, so I was putting
• 3:31
  off for ages and I was just like, go on priest, get in
• 3:34
  there, you know? He's a 30 stone priest.
• 3:36
  So what? Yeah, I've got it over with the.
• 3:39
  First one's always going to be a bit weird, yeah.
• 3:41
  Then you just get in what you find out what you like.
• 3:43
  So is that how you treat? It I became Muslim, that's
• 3:46
  that's my name's Ali. But the how I well, I do say
• 3:50
  that's people when they just do videos.
• 3:54
  And also now the way the algorithm works, no one's going
• 3:57
  to watch the bad ones. Right.
• 4:00
  So you might as well just do it because if it's rubbish it's
• 4:02
  going to get like 2 likes and no views.
• 4:04
  No one cares and people only see the ones that go viral.
• 4:07
  It's a numbers game too, because, you know, you've got
• 4:10
  great videos in you. Some of them might be a little
• 4:13
  bit, you know, off the mark. Oh yeah, well, I've used up all
• 4:16
  my great ones. Now we're onto the good list.
• 4:19
  Good at average? No, they're so good.
• 4:21
  Yeah, that's sweet. And so you just started doing
• 4:24
  it? Yeah, well, I know I always
• 4:26
  wanted to. I always wanted to.
• 4:28
  And I was so scared that I was going to get like other
• 4:31
  comedians and friends saying how cringy it was and how
• 4:34
  embarrassing it was. But.
• 4:37
  It's something Dave's going to do as well.
• 4:39
  Well, this is it. And now everyone, you kind of
• 4:41
  have to do it as a part of your job almost to to put out
• 4:44
  something. Where are your videos?
• 4:46
  Where, where? Where's your content, man?
• 4:48
  That's what they say at the border now.
• 4:50
  That's what they say to get in this country.
• 4:52
  Where support videos. They scroll through and they
• 4:58
  look at your password. They scroll a bit more
• 5:00
  nervously, just short form, just scrolling more and more.
• 5:04
  By the way, what do you put down as an occupation for your when
• 5:09
  you go to another country? Well, it depends if I'm going to
• 5:12
  work there, if I, if I'm, if I'm OK to work there, I'll say sort
• 5:16
  of either sometimes, you know, comedian or content creator.
• 5:21
  And then if I'm working there, I say nurse.
• 5:23
  And that's that's the plan. Would they go tell me a joke?
• 5:29
  You're a nurse? No, I've never had that.
• 5:32
  I've never to be honest. I mean, the only visa and recent
• 5:37
  memories I've applied for is for the for the USA.
• 5:41
  And I think with that, I might have said I worked in PR, which
• 5:45
  was my old job, but that was when I was just doing like an
• 5:48
  Ester, like a holiday thing. OK.
• 5:50
  Yeah, Yeah, yeah. That's smart.
• 5:52
  Yeah, I didn't want to get into it.
• 5:53
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 5:54
  Because you know it's tense there already.
• 5:55
  I put that Yeah, yeah, I say I'm Canadian.
• 5:58
  Yeah, hell yeah when you're going in America.
• 6:01
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, even over there.
• 6:03
  I'm Canadian. Yeah, and they're like, in you
• 6:06
  come. We don't want any more
• 6:07
  Americans. Yeah, yeah, Hell yeah.
• 6:10
  But yeah. What do you.
• 6:11
  Well, I mean, what do you put down?
• 6:12
  Writer? I just.
• 6:13
  Put writer not to. Which is what you're.
• 6:15
  Doing in that moment, then they'll then you feel bad, you
• 6:18
  go, they go, how do I know you then?
• 6:20
  And then you have to explain yourself.
• 6:22
  What do you say in that? Your whole life, do you have a
• 6:25
  go to? I just say maybe you saw
• 6:28
  something. I was in the The Mighty Boosh.
• 6:31
  Something. Yeah.
• 6:32
  I was great. I mean, I when I was young and I
• 6:35
  first watched Mighty Boosh and I didn't really get it.
• 6:40
  I didn't get it. You but you were the funniest
• 6:42
  character Oh, I still remember your delivery of and that's why
• 6:45
  I don't like cricket yeah, after and you know the shirt cup and.
• 6:49
  We almost didn't do that really. I had to say, can we just do
• 6:53
  this one bit? You fought for cricket.
• 6:55
  Cricket. It was a bit, it was a bit
• 6:57
  political. You don't want to ask about
• 6:59
  doing. It cricket fans.
• 7:01
  We had it all figured out, but then we were running out of
• 7:04
  time. In the show, yeah, that's kind
• 7:09
  of so, so awful. Like we're running out.
• 7:13
  We had a great loss coming, you know.
• 7:14
  But you know, sometimes in shows there's a bit that you want to
• 7:18
  do at the end or something, or at the beginning, and then they
• 7:21
  go, we're running out of time, we're going to and you almost
• 7:24
  have to go, please. It's worth it, yeah.
• 7:27
  I also love that you have the respect for me to think that
• 7:33
  I've had that problem with TV shows.
• 7:35
  Yeah. Now when I'm doing my sitcoms,
• 7:38
  everyone's like in my ear. Just fucking hurry it up.
• 7:41
  Get off the set. You're not supposed to be here.
• 7:43
  My goodness, it's worth it. Give me a minute.
• 7:46
  Please. Please, I get down on my knees.
• 7:48
  I have an artiste, yes and. They're like, it's not how it's
• 7:52
  pronounced. I'm uneducated, that's why I do
• 7:56
  this, but that. Anyway, that's just my
• 8:00
  Wednesday. So yes, but you have a special
• 8:04
  coming up this Sunday. Oh yeah, not to jump in time,
• 8:08
  but it's jump away. It's an hour special.
• 8:12
  Just about bit more than that. An hour 14 How much?
• 8:17
  Cut the 14. I won't cut yourself.
• 8:20
  That 14 is an important monologue.
• 8:22
  I have see my thoughts on the current mansion's United squad.
• 8:27
  You're. Standing up for your artistic
• 8:30
  sensibility 100%, yeah. Special coming out this Sunday.
• 8:33
  I should promote it more. Yeah.
• 8:34
  It's coming out. Hell yeah.
• 8:35
  And you have How many times did you tape it?
• 8:39
  Once, one shot, one time, that's it.
• 8:41
  Just one off Hackney Empire. I'm not big enough to sell out
• 8:45
  Hackney Empire twice so. But were you like, were you very
• 8:49
  hands on? Like I want a camera there, I
• 8:52
  want a, you know, a nipple Cam here.
• 8:55
  Will I bring my own nipple Cam to every show?
• 8:56
  So that's that's kind of fine. Yeah.
• 8:59
  Well, that's we. You've got to start taking
• 9:02
  yourself seriously and then other people take you seriously.
• 9:04
  So this, I don't know, advice any of aspiring comedians.
• 9:09
  If you turn up to a show without a nipple Cam, you're never going
• 9:15
  to make it because people nipple Cam.
• 9:17
  I've got 3 words for you. Nipple Cam.
• 9:19
  All right. Soldiers uneducated.
• 9:22
  Well, there are some people though.
• 9:24
  I mean, there's schools of thought about taping live.
• 9:27
  Like some people go, it's the like the middle of your run,
• 9:31
  like when you're in stride if you've been doing the show quite
• 9:34
  a bit, or some say no, wait till the end.
• 9:38
  Yeah, that. So I, I recorded this one off
• 9:42
  and I think part of the, the joy of that was that it, this one's
• 9:46
  quite a bit more of an emotional personal show.
• 9:49
  So I kind of like that it had a bit of roughness and rawness to
• 9:51
  it. I recorded it 6th on my tour of
• 9:54
  21. The next 15 shows I was like ah
• 9:57
  who cares? I've taped this I've.
• 9:59
  Taped it. I've thought you know.
• 10:01
  I'm phoning it in people. I'm not even working on it.
• 10:04
  Anymore like wow. So I obviously enjoy doing the
• 10:08
  shows. I was a bit like this annoying
• 10:09
  because I could have worked on it for another 15 shows.
• 10:11
  I like it. I like the idea of doing it at
• 10:13
  the end because I think that's as good as it's going to be.
• 10:15
  And then leave. But I love the promo.
• 10:17
  I love the way you did it, where the camera's just moving around
• 10:20
  at the end and you're just standing there.
• 10:22
  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's a nice shot.
• 10:25
  That's the only hands I. Watched it over again.
• 10:27
  It's like, what's going on? Come on.
• 10:29
  Yeah. Are you going to do something?
• 10:31
  Are you going to whip out a puppet or?
• 10:33
  Like. But you're just that's the end
• 10:35
  of the show and you're like emotionally spent and.
• 10:38
  Yeah, it's not even just the end.
• 10:40
  It's there's a little bit after that, but that's after I've just
• 10:42
  done a certain part of the show and then sort of come back out
• 10:46
  on stage. But did you have any control
• 10:48
  over that? So that was my idea.
• 10:49
  That was my idea of the camera come on with me and behind me
• 10:53
  and then go round and then be on stage with me.
• 10:56
  That was my idea. You just messed up your hair.
• 10:59
  That was was in my head, not. Good.
• 11:01
  No, it was fine and you messed it up.
• 11:04
  Shit. OK, hang on.
• 11:06
  No, but that was a great idea. I mean, I almost thought, is
• 11:12
  that just gonna be it? Is it just gonna be like, we're
• 11:15
  looking at him the whole time? Have you seen it, Kenny?
• 11:21
  Yeah. You got to watch the pro.
• 11:23
  If you don't watch the special, watch the promo.
• 11:27
  That's the thank you for doing the opposite of promotion here.
• 11:30
  Don't watch the special, the trailer.
• 11:33
  That's where it's at. We're very.
• 11:34
  Minimalist here, just watch a little trailer.
• 11:39
  Yeah, yeah. If anyone wants to watch you,
• 11:41
  make you watch something over 30 seconds, cut that person out of
• 11:44
  your life. They don't appreciate your time.
• 11:46
  No, I can't wait. Oh, really?
• 11:50
  It sounded so insincere. I can't wait.
• 11:53
  No, honestly, I can't wait. So OK.
• 11:55
  Anyway, what else happened? Yes, but how is this a new trend
• 12:01
  now? You know, I'm just trying to
• 12:03
  figure it all out, having something air on YouTube.
• 12:08
  Like I think it's, I mean, it's been going for a little time.
• 12:11
  I think it was a. Was this your idea?
• 12:13
  I. Wish.
• 12:14
  Yeah, yeah, I wish this was my idea.
• 12:17
  I think this was, this started becoming popular just before
• 12:20
  COVID people started doing it in America.
• 12:23
  They're usually ahead of us in terms of the mediums.
• 12:26
  And then over COVID, it became more popular.
• 12:29
  Now it's like. We're having a YouTube special,
• 12:31
  Yeah. Very common to just have your
• 12:33
  own and produce your own because I mean, it used to be this huge
• 12:36
  deal that you had a special because someone would finance
• 12:39
  it. Special begins just what it
• 12:42
  says, but. This is what I'm old school.
• 12:44
  I'm a bit of an old purist, as you say, artist, in that I
• 12:50
  believe the special should still be special.
• 12:52
  And now people on YouTube are coming out with specials like 20
• 12:56
  minutes, thirty minutes, 40 minutes.
• 12:58
  That's not enough for me. No, that's not.
• 13:00
  Right. I think I I want it to be at
• 13:02
  least over 50, at least get close to an hour.
• 13:05
  Some people even forget about this.
• 13:07
  Oh, by the way, I did a special last week I forgot.
• 13:12
  But don't worry about that one, because the next one's coming
• 13:13
  out. In three hours I've got a
• 13:15
  special every week. Special.
• 13:18
  But there is Do you know Josh Johnson?
• 13:20
  Yeah, no, I I've heard of him. Yeah, yeah, well, I've heard
• 13:26
  those names, the alliteration. Yeah, yeah, the big JJ Josh is
• 13:30
  he likes to be known. Yeah, he well, close person
• 13:34
  friends, but he, he's an American comic.
• 13:36
  He literally does that. He does a 45 minute special
• 13:38
  every single week. That's too much.
• 13:40
  That's. Too much, but he's got got so
• 13:42
  many followers and subscribers out of that 1,000,000 because
• 13:46
  every week he's putting out 45 minutes more of content about
• 13:49
  next topical. Stuff.
• 13:50
  Now, are you of the ilk to say now that this special is
• 13:56
  released on Sunday, you cannot do that material again live on
• 14:00
  stage? I'm a purist man.
• 14:02
  I love that that's burnt. You like Seinfeld?
• 14:05
  Well, that's a bit of an accusation, but especially at
• 14:08
  this time of war. But Seinfeld, that's sort of
• 14:14
  like a curse. That's sort of like you're
• 14:16
  putting a spell on me, Seinfeld. Put the chyron Seinfeld in an
• 14:21
  arrow. Yeah.
• 14:24
  No, no. So yeah, I do.
• 14:26
  I do think that though, I think obviously if something's topical
• 14:30
  or or specific to a situation you're in at a gig and you have
• 14:35
  a little bit from the last show which might look, you know,
• 14:39
  cool, I don't mind not throwing that in.
• 14:41
  But the idea of turning up to like a club gig and doing your
• 14:44
  old stuff from a really special, I don't like at all.
• 14:46
  But that's the tool I want to. Get better now.
• 14:48
  Yeah. Because like, I mean, this has
• 14:51
  been said before and I know that you've probably heard it, but
• 14:56
  with music, they want you to play the old stuff.
• 14:59
  Yeah, they get annoyed if you. Yes, they get annoyed in your.
• 15:02
  Stuff, but you tell a joke again, they start to get pissed
• 15:06
  off with you. That my my next specialist you
• 15:09
  should mean me telling a 2 minute routine yeah 30 times see
• 15:15
  how that goes it really did 15 in it's really dipping yeah yeah
• 15:19
  25 in we are so. Total crevasse.
• 15:22
  When I when I start again at minute 58 and go so my mother in
• 15:26
  law's a real bitch and everyone's like.
• 15:30
  Cats and dogs, Cats and dogs it's not.
• 15:32
  A Harlem Apollo in there, dude, everyone's losing their minds.
• 15:35
  Everyone's on their seats. Yeah, exactly.
• 15:37
  It's crazy. So yeah, people don't like that
• 15:40
  in comedy. And also, but we forget as well,
• 15:43
  I think as comedians that, and this is true for almost all
• 15:47
  audience, they they think you're just saying off the top of your
• 15:50
  head. I know, isn't that weird?
• 15:52
  And I think that culture has shifted slightly.
• 15:54
  I think people, because of clips and because of more behind the
• 15:56
  scenes stuff with comedy, people start realising that people are
• 15:58
  kind of working on material, a bit more working progresses and
• 16:00
  stuff. Well, plus people talk about it
• 16:02
  like I've worked so hard on the stuff.
• 16:05
  Yeah, God, could you imagine I didn't know work with my special
• 16:08
  words I was saying that didn't know work.
• 16:11
  I turned up and was like So what else is going on?
• 16:15
  Have you ever done a stand up? Have you ever approached a gig
• 16:18
  where it's like, I don't really know, I don't really haven't
• 16:21
  much preset material or would that be like really scary like?
• 16:26
  When I started gigging, that's what I did.
• 16:29
  So when I started gigging I didn't realise that you could
• 16:33
  repeat stuff. Yes.
• 16:35
  So I was doing it as the audience would have thought.
• 16:37
  I thought every gig you had to come up with a new 5 minute set.
• 16:41
  So silly as that. Every time I was going to gig,
• 16:44
  and if I'd written down some like bullet points on the way
• 16:46
  there for my my job, I was like, I'm pretty prepared for this
• 16:49
  gig. Yeah, yeah.
• 16:50
  I'd be like reading the metro. This is back when newspapers
• 16:54
  were. I think I'd read the metro.
• 16:56
  So what, like 100 years ago? Tony Blair.
• 16:59
  He's in the news again, Niche, niche crowd to get these jokes.
• 17:07
  The Tony Blair the jokes are coming in.
• 17:10
  Gordon Brown. Josh Johnson Am I all right?
• 17:14
  So I would read the Metro and I'd just some news stories.
• 17:19
  I'd write note like notes on my phone and I'd literally go up
• 17:22
  there and be like, so dolphins having sex.
• 17:27
  Have you heard about this? I know I thought the same thing
• 17:30
  because I had a sort of improv background.
• 17:33
  Yes, I'm improv as you guys say. Is that thing, I always knew it
• 17:37
  as improv and then I got. Told some people would say
• 17:40
  improv and I would go what? Yeah, lose your mind.
• 17:45
  Are you lying? What the hell are you talking
• 17:47
  about? Are you talking about in
• 17:48
  Proposition? I always.
• 17:50
  Thought it's a matter of, you know, like almost something to
• 17:54
  be proud of, to go on stage and kind of make things up.
• 17:59
  But it's like, I quickly realised, shit, it's good to
• 18:02
  have stuff, yeah. To get laughs.
• 18:05
  Yeah. And well, because I never wanted
• 18:09
  to be one of those because I was same as you.
• 18:10
  I was from a improv slash improv.
• 18:13
  Did you have a wacky? Improv group name.
• 18:15
  So I was, this was at uni and it was at York Uni and we were
• 18:18
  called The Shambles. The oh OK, it was going to be.
• 18:24
  Because there was a, there's a famous St in York called the
• 18:29
  Shambles, and that's what the Diagon Alley was based on in
• 18:32
  Harry Potter. So that's.
• 18:33
  Nice, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:35
  Oh, where you he gets his wand and stuff?
• 18:39
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the.
• 18:42
  Have you not read the book he gets?
• 18:43
  I'm reading a. Lot Online.
• 18:44
  The Shambles. Yeah, yeah, I'm reading a lot
• 18:46
  online. Nice, nice.
• 18:48
  There's a good shit going on. There's a whole scene where he's
• 18:51
  like 10 inches. I'm not sure that's quite right.
• 18:57
  11 inches in Dragon breath Ah. So that's where you started was
• 19:03
  in New York. Yeah, when I started before,
• 19:05
  that was the first time I was on stage doing any sort of comedy.
• 19:08
  What was the big club there in New York?
• 19:10
  No idea. I I never.
• 19:12
  I never did. No idea.
• 19:16
  I I did, I do gigs at stand up gigs in York City in actual.
• 19:21
  Oh, you did improv? I did improv, Yeah.
• 19:23
  But there was there was this one promoter called Burning Duck.
• 19:27
  I know. And then there was.
• 19:30
  That's made-up. Well, I think everything is
• 19:33
  every, every name. Use your fucking mind.
• 19:39
  Turkey baster. OK, here we go.
• 19:45
  We used to always get Turkey based here as a suggestion.
• 19:48
  Yeah, I thought something you could fit on the stage.
• 19:54
  What would be on a nice one? Gynaecology office?
• 19:57
  Yeah, that's what they. Want like that?
• 19:59
  Yeah, people just want porn. They want.
• 20:01
  Get in the stirrups. Something you could do with your
• 20:04
  parents. Fuck them.
• 20:05
  All right, Let's just let's just leave them down out, OK?
• 20:10
  Let's just an inanimal object dildo, just so I know your
• 20:14
  security. I know.
• 20:16
  I can't control this crowd. One of the troop comes up.
• 20:19
  Hello. I'm the security officer.
• 20:24
  Hello. You've got to come with me to
• 20:25
  funny gaol. Yeah, yeah, that's that's, but
• 20:30
  that's what people want in improv.
• 20:31
  They just want pornographic situation.
• 20:33
  We didn't know that like we prided ourselves.
• 20:36
  You have to take the suggestion no matter what it is.
• 20:40
  But quickly we learned over here, people would dismiss.
• 20:44
  No, no, no, that's good. Yeah, that's all you have to do.
• 20:48
  That was all whenever we very rarely got our review, but
• 20:50
  whenever we did they were always like they seem to say no to a
• 20:54
  lot of things, which suggests maybe it was prepared.
• 20:57
  Oh. Right.
• 20:58
  Yeah, but it wasn't, it wasn't that we were prepared.
• 21:01
  It's just that we, we had one very good.
• 21:04
  So we needed, we needed, we had a bad suggestion to start the
• 21:07
  bad improv. Then we're then we're really
• 21:09
  struggling. Script 12, yeah.
• 21:12
  Yeah, let's go. The really improv troupe that
• 21:14
  kept delivering our lines. Hello.
• 21:16
  I'm James. I'm the dildo officer here to
• 21:19
  fuck. Your mum, so you would do that.
• 21:23
  That was just your. That was your that was, that
• 21:27
  was, that was. But you know, it was like com,
• 21:29
  your comedy society. And here's The funny thing is
• 21:33
  that this improv troupe, The Shambles, was seen as the cool
• 21:37
  kids. Really well.
• 21:38
  You could get into the shambles. You've got your pick of the
• 21:42
  nerds. Nice.
• 21:44
  Yeah, yeah, serious business. If you was, if you're going to
• 21:48
  pick one of you, was there like auditions and stuff?
• 21:53
  Yeah oh nice, the time pressurised environment I got
• 21:57
  rejected from first time I auditioned.
• 21:59
  For Oh so this has been around for a while.
• 22:02
  Yeah, yeah. Oh, a secret society for
• 22:05
  thousands of years. Yeah, in the shambles.
• 22:07
  So cool. Yeah, the first time I did an
• 22:09
  audition there, I got rejected and they said I was too crude
• 22:12
  and too dominating. And the way I've shouted dildo
• 22:15
  on this podcast, I don't think anything's changed.
• 22:18
  Nice. Yeah.
• 22:22
  So yeah, there were auditions and then you wanted to get in
• 22:25
  and then you were kind of seen as like the cool kids of York,
• 22:28
  York University Comedy Society. Nice.
• 22:31
  Yeah. I mean, you were totally doing
• 22:35
  gigs and stuff. Oh yeah, Oh yeah, I was doing
• 22:38
  that. But then and then I started
• 22:39
  doing stand up. When did you make that?
• 22:41
  At uni when I was like 20, I did my first gig because I broke my
• 22:46
  leg and I was kind of depressed because they were like, you got
• 22:49
  to give. Up break a leg.
• 22:51
  Yeah, well, that's it. I took that literally.
• 22:54
  Damn it. Yes, hand.
• 22:56
  This guy's fucking psychotic. So.
• 23:00
  But that literally happened. And then I got told I couldn't
• 23:03
  do like any sports that I liked, any football or anything like
• 23:05
  that. And I was kind of in my second
• 23:07
  year of uni. I kind of wasn't going anywhere.
• 23:09
  I didn't really care about the course.
• 23:11
  I didn't really have any jobs down up or anything.
• 23:13
  So I was kind of just a bit depressed.
• 23:15
  And so I made a list of things I could do and one of them was
• 23:17
  like, do your first stand up comedy game.
• 23:19
  And you know what inspired me to do stand up?
• 23:22
  Seinfeld, yeah. For the last time, my name's
• 23:26
  Ali. OK, but it was it was not, it
• 23:31
  was not Cypher. It was it was bad comedians
• 23:33
  watching. You could do it.
• 23:36
  Yeah, well, they're going up and it's awful, but they're doing
• 23:40
  better than me. I'm a coward sitting here.
• 23:42
  So you went to open mics and stuff?
• 23:44
  I did my first gigs at the UNI and shooting gigs.
• 23:48
  You just think you're the a God. I just think you're amazing.
• 23:52
  Yeah, just whatever you say. People are like laughing, going
• 23:54
  like, oh, it's about not doing a joke.
• 23:56
  And you're like, yeah, it is. So your first gig, you got
• 23:59
  laughs, encouragement. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:03
  But I was, I was upset after my first gig because I really, even
• 24:07
  though it went well also first gig 10 minutes, whereas you know
• 24:10
  when you're like. Damn it, there was an empty
• 24:13
  seat. Yeah, but that's how it kind of
• 24:17
  felt. It was like the even though I
• 24:19
  was doing 10 minutes, which when you're starting off, you should
• 24:21
  be doing 5 minutes or less like you just, but you're like 10
• 24:24
  minutes has nothing. I'll just do that.
• 24:26
  And it went well. 45. I sat, I sat on a stall.
• 24:31
  Come on a little cigarette. This university is fucked, man.
• 24:37
  Oh, no. So I I did my set and I got off
• 24:43
  and I just thought in my head, this has been such a big deal
• 24:47
  for me. In my head, I thought I would
• 24:49
  get off and people would be like, dude, I think I think that
• 24:52
  was the greatest comedy set that's ever happened.
• 24:54
  Though I know what you mean, you you feel like it's a momentous
• 24:57
  thing. Yeah, you think they'll go?
• 24:59
  My honestly, I think you're going to be like the next
• 25:01
  biggest comedian. This is it in the whole.
• 25:02
  Galaxy and and said I came off people like well mate.
• 25:06
  I missed the Hollywood right here.
• 25:09
  Where? Was he never at your university?
• 25:12
  VF45. So that was the name of the
• 25:16
  room. So it's kind of a calm down and
• 25:18
  then you realised, OK. Yeah.
• 25:20
  So then I kind of wasn't that bothered, to be honest.
• 25:22
  I never didn't do it. Like I didn't.
• 25:24
  I get weirded out by those people you meet on the circuit
• 25:27
  when you're starting and they're like, I've been going three
• 25:29
  months of 100 gigs and you're like, you're like, what the
• 25:32
  fuck? Yeah.
• 25:33
  You just wanted to do this. You just wanted to give it.
• 25:35
  Or do you have any other life? Is there no nothing else you
• 25:38
  enjoy in this life? Because I was so reluctant to
• 25:41
  it. I was like, I'll do the odd gig
• 25:43
  here and there. When I move to London I'll do
• 25:45
  some open mics. But it's such a shit lifestyle.
• 25:48
  Yeah, doing open mic comedy, that's what stopped so many
• 25:50
  people from making it, firstly, I think.
• 25:52
  You have to get over that and. You don't even, I think there's
• 25:55
  some of it, element of it. You don't even get better.
• 25:57
  You're doing these gigs and you're just doing it to other
• 26:00
  comedians, to mental people. When I Jack.
• 26:05
  When I. Yeah, there he is.
• 26:07
  Yeah. He's done against harsh critic.
• 26:09
  One night Jack gave me two eyes on a 2.
• 26:12
  No, but that's the same. People show up 100.
• 26:15
  Percent strange Strange other open mic as strange audience.
• 26:19
  It's like, when am I going to get out of this?
• 26:21
  Yeah, now I think about it, Now I think back I go who the fuck
• 26:26
  was watching those shows? Because I've never been invited
• 26:30
  to an open mic anything before. No one's ever going to tell you
• 26:33
  what we're going to do. There's 20 people who smell of
• 26:38
  desperation. Yeah, half of them should be
• 26:41
  sectioned. We're going to go watch them in
• 26:44
  a lock room for three hours. Yeah.
• 26:46
  Perform not comedy to us. 2 drink minimum.
• 26:49
  All that, you know, and they're not.
• 26:51
  And open mics are never in good places because that's why
• 26:53
  they're an open mic, because if it was busy, they'd get audience
• 26:55
  in. So it's in a pub.
• 26:57
  There was a there was a gig. In this pub called The Hideaway
• 27:01
  in North London and Tufnall Park, I think it still exists.
• 27:04
  And this pub was run by some sort of mafia.
• 27:09
  I don't know what exactly. Eastern European.
• 27:12
  Yeah. And Gig ran downstairs by a a
• 27:16
  good friend of mine. It was it was really lovely.
• 27:18
  The the vibe was lovely. No audience ever, right?
• 27:21
  Just comedians going down, taking turns to die in front of.
• 27:24
  You just go in and die. So yeah, that's.
• 27:26
  That's if the two were saying that to comedians and everyone
• 27:29
  else and other business associates.
• 27:32
  So then one day the guy who runs the gig came down downstairs and
• 27:36
  there's just table tennis tables downstairs.
• 27:41
  And he goes back up and he's like, hey, man, I was going to,
• 27:44
  I was going to set up for the gig.
• 27:45
  What's going on with the the sort of table tennis stuff?
• 27:49
  And he just went, no more the gig, only ping pong.
• 27:53
  And that was the end of that gig.
• 27:55
  Like a ping pong. Yeah, I guess they thought
• 27:58
  having a event happened, there was a good front, that it was
• 28:01
  like something was happening. But then they thought, well,
• 28:04
  they could just put in table tennis tables.
• 28:07
  And then it looks like they say, oh, but we have ping pong
• 28:10
  tournament every week. Cheaper to not talk, hit with
• 28:15
  ball. Much cheaper, yeah.
• 28:18
  And then Pop got popular. Yes.
• 28:23
  God, this ping pong is ruining on hideaway.
• 28:26
  Fantastic name for front, by the way.
• 28:28
  Yeah. Kenny, write that down.
• 28:30
  Yeah. We'll call it the Hideaway.
• 28:33
  So you had It is from our latest pub called underneath police no
• 28:37
  find. So you had to find another gig
• 28:42
  to go to. Yeah, well, this is also, as you
• 28:45
  know, this is where this is where TV and film never captures
• 28:50
  being comedians, have you? Noticed that there's never a
• 28:53
  good film. Can't do it.
• 28:54
  That does like, remember that movie Punchline with Tom Hanks
• 29:00
  and Sally? It's an old movie, but the
• 29:03
  comedy. Is releasing the.
• 29:04
  Lost on Yeah. Is that right?
• 29:09
  Yeah, but what? So he's and he's a, was he
• 29:11
  struggling comedian? They're all struggling and Sally
• 29:14
  Fields is a housewife and but they never get the comedy.
• 29:18
  No comedy comedy. It really sucks on film.
• 29:22
  I in general, I think I watched. Did you watch The Big Sick?
• 29:25
  Have you seen that one? Yes.
• 29:26
  Yeah. I mean, that one, that one
• 29:29
  close. Yeah.
• 29:30
  Well, well, that one I think shows what people think comedy
• 29:33
  is. Yeah.
• 29:33
  Like you go down to the comedy club, which you're on every week
• 29:37
  with the same people and producers are in, you know,
• 29:40
  that's it's like nothing like that.
• 29:42
  And you've got an audience every week.
• 29:44
  I know. And you'll die and then they'll
• 29:45
  be like you'll get them next week.
• 29:46
  Champions. And then you kill and.
• 29:48
  Then and then suddenly go and when you get famous that yeah,
• 29:51
  like there really needs to be, and I'm a big believer in this,
• 29:55
  some sort of if I'm a big ping, I'm a big ping pong advocate.
• 30:00
  So he might have been a ping pong champion.
• 30:02
  Maybe he could have been. He could have been.
• 30:03
  We never played him. I'm good.
• 30:06
  Me and you. We're going to go down to the
• 30:08
  hideaway. Let's do it and do 2V1, see if
• 30:10
  we can take it down. And then you get to own the the
• 30:12
  Balkan mafia. It's not bad, really.
• 30:15
  Do you think you could work your way up to the head of the
• 30:17
  Albanian mafia? We take over now, 11:00 to 2:00.
• 30:22
  We kick your ass. Now that's a film.
• 30:26
  Yeah, that's that's a well, there is a film about Ping Pong
• 30:29
  coming out. Well, there's also there was a
• 30:31
  gig in Edinburgh where they play.
• 30:33
  Oh yeah, yeah. Luke McQueen and I think Ray
• 30:37
  Badran. Yeah, and.
• 30:40
  Ping pong, that's yeah, I think so.
• 30:43
  I don't know what happened with that, that particular gig, but
• 30:46
  they're ought to be. Do you know that, that
• 30:49
  documentary 7UP, you know when they find them every seven
• 30:51
  years, they need to do that for the open mic scene.
• 30:54
  They need to find, they need to go to a random open mic and meet
• 30:58
  all these crazy people. And then every year just see how
• 31:01
  their life, I don't think it's seven years, but just every year
• 31:03
  see how their life. See they're still doing comedy.
• 31:05
  Yeah, yeah. See what's what else is going on
• 31:07
  in their life. That's that would be fascinating
• 31:09
  because that's the only way you can capture the open mic scene.
• 31:11
  Kenny, write that down. Is because you need to know
• 31:15
  these characters for a long time.
• 31:18
  That's the problem with it is that no one wants.
• 31:20
  To put trade. None of them make it though.
• 31:21
  But that's very likely. Yeah, you have to.
• 31:24
  It keeps going until the last person stops.
• 31:26
  But then some of them don't make it, but they still go.
• 31:28
  I remember I I gig with this comedian and he's well known on
• 31:33
  the open mindset. I'm not going to call.
• 31:34
  Him out, Seinfeld. Yes, yes, Seinfeld.
• 31:36
  You heard of this guy? All right, What's the deal with
• 31:38
  people? What's the deal with table
• 31:40
  tennis? Every time I come, I I hit the
• 31:44
  ball, it comes straight back. It's like my wife, like my wife.
• 31:50
  Every time I hit her, there she is.
• 31:53
  Oh, that's one of his routines that is not mine.
• 31:56
  Was not his. Yeah, the there was an open mic
• 32:00
  comedian and we're going to name him Seinfeld.
• 32:02
  We'll call him. So Seinfeld, his first time I
• 32:05
  met him and we're at this gig to open mic in East London.
• 32:10
  And I'm chatting to him and I'm saying, yeah, like, I, I feel
• 32:15
  like I'm a bit more confident in five, but I'm not, I've not got
• 32:17
  enough for 10 minutes. And he goes, yeah, yeah, neither
• 32:20
  do I. And I go, oh, how long you been
• 32:22
  going for? He goes 11 years.
• 32:26
  That's quite a bit. He's got fewer minutes than
• 32:29
  years. So there's people who don't give
• 32:33
  up. That's what I said about COVID
• 32:34
  when that happened. People like, which comedians do
• 32:36
  you think are going to stop? And I'm like, it's not going to
• 32:38
  be the ones you want to. Yes, yes.
• 32:41
  There's people who just, that's their life.
• 32:43
  Because there's always that hope.
• 32:47
  I think it's called delusion. I think it's called.
• 32:49
  I think it's called. You're right.
• 32:51
  Being mentally unwell. But then then the other flips
• 32:54
  are of that is, if they're enjoying it, why not?
• 32:56
  Right, exactly. It's like playing golf, you can
• 32:59
  be a shitty golfer and keep playing.
• 33:01
  Yeah, much of that was the case. I didn't make it in golf like
• 33:03
  these. These 60 year olds walking
• 33:06
  around. I'm thinking about quitting.
• 33:08
  You got to keep going, man. You got so much talent.
• 33:12
  But maybe they don't view it as like, one day I'm going to make
• 33:15
  it as a comic. They're just sort of like, I
• 33:17
  just do it like going to the grocery store.
• 33:20
  Yeah, which I do think there's nothing wrong with it.
• 33:22
  I think there's nothing wrong with being a hobbyist.
• 33:24
  The annoying thing about that is there's a very finite amount of
• 33:27
  stage time in London especially. Get out of the.
• 33:30
  Way, yeah, but there is a little bit of that, especially with
• 33:32
  audience. It's a bit like if you're just
• 33:34
  doing it just because, I mean, you don't really care about
• 33:38
  being better at it, you're just sort of doing it as a hobby.
• 33:40
  That's a bit of a shame for the the amount of people who are
• 33:42
  like really trying, who are giving up, having a love life
• 33:45
  and a family. Could you just care more?
• 33:48
  Yeah, just something, just something.
• 33:51
  But then also, yeah, to be fair, I don't think there is a problem
• 33:53
  with doing it as a hobby. I think that's weird that
• 33:55
  there's there's, as I said about those people who gig 100 times
• 33:58
  in three months, like some people fetishize the work ethic
• 34:02
  of open my comedy and gigs. And it's like there's, there's
• 34:05
  more to life than this dude for sure.
• 34:07
  Yeah, I know. And you seem doing the same 5
• 34:10
  and same 10 and they're just like changing little words and
• 34:12
  you go come on man, like get a story, go live a life.
• 34:15
  This is why you put a little material.
• 34:16
  Well, nothing to talk about. That happens to people that
• 34:19
  become successful too. Yeah.
• 34:21
  Is they start their. Their material revolves around
• 34:24
  travelling from gig to gig eating food.
• 34:29
  Yeah. And what's the deal with
• 34:30
  lobster? I talked to my agent the other
• 34:34
  day. What?
• 34:36
  He had unreliable stuff. You know when you're on the
• 34:38
  phone with the head of ABC. No.
• 34:43
  NBC, maybe, but not yeah. Hello.
• 34:46
  Yeah, hello. Yeah, bodies dropping acronyms
• 34:49
  here. So when you started to do the
• 34:54
  open mic scene, when did you did you go?
• 34:57
  I've got to get out of this, I've got to go to the next
• 35:00
  level? Did you?
• 35:02
  You know what? There was a morbid enjoyment for
• 35:04
  me that I felt like I was at least doing something unusual
• 35:08
  with my life. Because you were working at that
• 35:11
  point, right? You had a job.
• 35:12
  Job. Yeah, yeah, like suit job, not
• 35:16
  suit wanky media. Nice PR.
• 35:20
  Open collar. You don't want to wear a suit
• 35:22
  mate. Unbutton the top button.
• 35:25
  Unzip the fly. Just let him know your party,
• 35:28
  you know, chill. I'm a chill guy.
• 35:29
  Yeah, yeah. So you see those suits coming in
• 35:31
  with done up zips, not letting that crotch breathe?
• 35:34
  That's what we've got to answer to, unfortunately.
• 35:39
  Would you tell your workmates about gigs and stuff or?
• 35:42
  Yeah, I was fairly open with that, to be fair.
• 35:44
  I mean, it helps you get a job, but that especially that area of
• 35:47
  life, media, they love you having something different about
• 35:51
  your life they can talk about. So they can introduce you at
• 35:54
  meetings being like, here's a little comedian, by the way.
• 35:56
  Yeah. But they don't want to actually
• 35:58
  make it. Although my office were very
• 36:02
  supportive, but still when I kind of quit and was able to
• 36:05
  make it full time, people were like, what the hell?
• 36:09
  Like you can just do that. Because I think that's he's
• 36:11
  leaving. Yeah, Yeah.
• 36:13
  That's like officer and a gentleman.
• 36:15
  But I don't know he's to worth it.
• 36:16
  We haven't been playing that guy for two years.
• 36:20
  But I, I think there's an element of making it in a
• 36:25
  profession that is not one that you can kind of just apply for
• 36:29
  that people don't really experience seeing with their own
• 36:32
  eyes. And that puts people off doing
• 36:34
  this stuff. I think because too people like
• 36:38
  are so used to school and work. It's like a rules based, you
• 36:44
  know where you have different levels, whereas stand up if
• 36:48
  you're funny, you'll. It's a meritocracy in a way.
• 36:51
  Yeah, 100%. I always say that about comedy
• 36:54
  that the the great thing about it is the boss is ultimately the
• 36:57
  boss is the audience. Yeah.
• 36:59
  And so if you and especially in the Internet, Asia, we're now
• 37:04
  the Internet sweeping the nation, but you can find your
• 37:08
  own audience and then other people.
• 37:10
  Yeah, tell your fellows over at NBC, get on this Internet stuff.
• 37:13
  But but then you can fight, get your audience.
• 37:15
  And then the people who used to be gatekeepers then come to you
• 37:19
  because they want the audience that you have.
• 37:21
  Exactly. So that's what's not.
• 37:22
  Whereas most, as you say, yeah, most of professional life is
• 37:27
  achieving A syllabus that someone else has written, having
• 37:30
  to suck up to a certain person who's going to be able to give
• 37:32
  you a promotion or a job or something like that.
• 37:34
  And so most people don't really experience the idea that you
• 37:37
  could just be passionate about something and make it your job.
• 37:40
  So. But in in a lot of respects too,
• 37:43
  it's a scary thing because it like it makes them think about
• 37:47
  their job. It's like, well, I really am
• 37:50
  holding back and this person is. Yeah, I said.
• 37:53
  I said this to my partner the other day and the the weird
• 37:58
  thing about when you become full time in something creative is
• 38:03
  there's, I don't know if you'd have had this.
• 38:05
  There's friends who see themselves as creatives who
• 38:08
  become less supportive. They liked it when we were all
• 38:12
  struggling around open mics and stuff like that.
• 38:15
  But. You do it on your own.
• 38:16
  They don't like that. So you know, I have friends who
• 38:19
  would have come down to watch me and open mic with them and the
• 38:22
  only audience and love that and been like how great is this?
• 38:24
  Well done, you like. Be at work tomorrow.
• 38:27
  Yeah, exactly. And then when you're like, I'm
• 38:30
  doing this gig and they're like, oh, I'll buy a ticket.
• 38:32
  And it's like, oh, it's sold out, it's fine, I'll just get
• 38:34
  you on the list. They're like, oh, Oh, yeah, OK,
• 38:38
  cool. I guess, you know, and and it's
• 38:40
  a bit like, what? Wait, what?
• 38:41
  Because it's the thing it makes them, I think it makes them
• 38:43
  evaluate their own. Why haven't I made it as my own
• 38:48
  creative field? And that's a weird one when you
• 38:51
  have like, yeah, people who see themselves as like a great thing
• 38:54
  or they see themselves as like, well, it's fine.
• 38:56
  I can just have a job I don't really care about.
• 38:58
  And then I can have like a creative passion on the side,
• 39:00
  which is cool. You can have that, but then they
• 39:02
  think, again, that's kind of like still putting them in an
• 39:05
  upper echelon of people. They're like, I still have my
• 39:07
  passion, but when you're able to make your passion, your work, it
• 39:09
  kind of a little bit, I don't know, just makes that seem a
• 39:13
  bit, but you. Did it you had a clean break?
• 39:17
  I when I did it, sometimes I would try to break away and then
• 39:22
  I'd go, oh, that's a bit premature.
• 39:24
  And you break away from. You did temp a little bit.
• 39:27
  So when did you first do that? Then when did you first break
• 39:30
  away? Well, I I guess more when I came
• 39:34
  to England and or I did the festival, the French.
• 39:38
  When was that? Night not mid 90s.
• 39:41
  Wow. Yeah.
• 39:42
  What was it like then? Well, let me tell you, yeah.
• 39:45
  This bleeding I had. To beg for food in the shows,
• 39:51
  no. This is really struggling.
• 39:56
  Every halfway through the show he just goes please, I need
• 39:59
  soup. Soup, please.
• 40:01
  I'm so weak I can't finish the last five minutes.
• 40:06
  I remember guys, it's free to get in.
• 40:08
  It cost you 2 tins of soup to get out.
• 40:10
  OK, that's the way the fringe works.
• 40:13
  Yes, it wasn't the free Fringe. It was Eat Fringe.
• 40:18
  I don't know. But no, it was, it was, it was
• 40:21
  like you had to well, everybody has this their first couple of
• 40:25
  ones you have to kind of produce yourself and then you get an
• 40:28
  agent and then. Well, I mean, that's not like
• 40:31
  that anymore. Now, I don't think it's like the
• 40:33
  ones who, if you're having any success at the Fringe, you're
• 40:36
  often going up with an agent, with a producer.
• 40:38
  Yeah, a team. PR Yeah, Director, It's not like
• 40:42
  it was. Yeah.
• 40:43
  I mean, I remember going to the fridge first time I went to the
• 40:45
  fridge. Well, I mean, I went when I was
• 40:46
  a kid because my family's Scottish.
• 40:48
  So we'd, my grandpa's birthday, we'd go across from Glasgow to
• 40:51
  Edinburgh. But I, I, but that was, you
• 40:55
  know, just a day trip or whatever.
• 40:56
  But first time I remember. You're half Scottish, yeah.
• 40:59
  OK, first time I remember doing the Fringe was 2013.
• 41:03
  That was when I was doing, I was doing a sketch show, and it was
• 41:07
  at a venue that no longer exists called the Citrus Lounge.
• 41:11
  And we were doing it to five people every day.
• 41:13
  Yeah. And we were 19 years old and we
• 41:16
  thought we were fucking Rockstar.
• 41:17
  Yeah. When there was like 7 in the
• 41:20
  audience who'd look upon the code and be like, OK, big energy
• 41:23
  today guys, come on, come on, come on, let's really deliver
• 41:26
  those punch lines. We're 1/4 full.
• 41:28
  Yeah, Oh yeah. And yeah, so we but then I
• 41:33
  remember going up and like sharing accommodation with load
• 41:37
  of people, load of students, but you just there was so much great
• 41:40
  stuff on the Free Fringe. You'd go and see amazing shows
• 41:43
  for like and then, you know, not pay quid and have any money.
• 41:46
  You didn't. Go any better?
• 41:47
  Yeah, you get a bid for 2 lbs often and stuff.
• 41:51
  We played a old Masonic Lodge, it's still around.
• 41:56
  It's called Hill Street and you can see on the like around the
• 42:02
  stage are these names and it goes like Jonathan Glasgow.
• 42:07
  1530, yes. 1523 these are like members and there was like an
• 42:14
  area back, back behind the audience where it was totally
• 42:18
  dark. I guess that's where they took
• 42:20
  the recruits and and put them there like in the dark for
• 42:24
  something. I don't know what they're.
• 42:27
  Trying to get that audience in. Do you guys want to come out and
• 42:31
  you happy in the dark? OK, close the door slowly.
• 42:37
  But that's what was so cool is anything could be a venue, yeah.
• 42:41
  And no matter how creepy it was. And but it would you would you'd
• 42:45
  get audience. Well, we initially we didn't,
• 42:49
  but it started to catch on this. We did an improv show and Oh
• 42:53
  yeah, yeah. But it's so much work initially.
• 42:57
  Yeah. But I think that's, I think
• 42:59
  that's kind of what's changed about the fringe now is I think
• 43:03
  people go up with audience and then maybe some reviews gets you
• 43:06
  some ticket sales because. They have an Internet.
• 43:08
  Yeah. And, and I think the idea of if
• 43:11
  you're not got PR and you're not getting four and five stars in
• 43:14
  the garden in the Times and Telegraph, you then yeah, like
• 43:17
  the idea of just like flowering well and getting people in, I
• 43:20
  think. No flying off now.
• 43:22
  We got so excited because we had a sticker and we go, we're going
• 43:25
  to put these stickers all over the place.
• 43:27
  Oh yeah, And then you're like, everyone's going to want to come
• 43:29
  to our show because like, what the fuck?
• 43:30
  What the fuck? All these stickers is coming
• 43:32
  from. Yeah, that's what's literally
• 43:33
  going to happen to everyone. That's the only way that's going
• 43:36
  to work. We're like fucking inventing,
• 43:38
  marketing guys. Yeah.
• 43:39
  And yeah. And we know what we're doing.
• 43:41
  Yeah. We've got stickers.
• 43:44
  They don't just give anyone stickers, guys.
• 43:46
  So this is some serious shit. OK.
• 43:49
  And then fluorescent. OK, well, OK, you didn't say
• 43:52
  that so they could so you could fly the dark room.
• 43:57
  Yeah. Yeah, you put them in the.
• 43:58
  Yeah, whereas now I see the people who put up the stickers
• 44:00
  and I go, good luck, man. Yeah, good luck, dude, because
• 44:05
  that's a tough sell. You should film that and put it
• 44:08
  on the Internet. That would be better.
• 44:09
  But genuinely yeah other people have like a multi £1,000,000
• 44:14
  worth agency behind them. But your stickers?
• 44:17
  Good luck to you dude. Also what's changed is you could
• 44:19
  do a run, you can have, you know, you could be kind of an up
• 44:22
  and coming person, but then there'll be a very established
• 44:26
  person does 2 nights at Queens Hall and takes the audience away
• 44:32
  from a lot of the you know, so it is an established kind of.
• 44:37
  Oh yeah, and those people make money.
• 44:38
  I mean, I had a good time at the fringe, but I kind of felt like,
• 44:42
  I don't know why really I'm here because I wasn't doing a very
• 44:44
  fringy thing. I wasn't like getting loads of
• 44:47
  reviews and doing like a a meaningful poignant show up
• 44:51
  right, Just doing a stand up show to people who wanted to
• 44:55
  come and it was it was great fun.
• 44:56
  That's fine. Yeah, it was great.
• 44:58
  It was awesome. You don't have to talk about
• 45:00
  your dead grandmother or. Well, that's but that wasn't the
• 45:03
  contract that I signed that I had to talk about my dead
• 45:05
  grandmother. Yeah, Yeah.
• 45:06
  And then the annoying thing about that worst bit was I
• 45:08
  didn't actually have a dead grandmother.
• 45:10
  You've heard of the? Grandfather clause.
• 45:12
  This is the dead grandmother class, Yeah.
• 45:15
  So I had to. I had to kill a grandmother.
• 45:17
  Yeah. And those, those women are tough
• 45:20
  to take down. Let me tell you, mate, they,
• 45:22
  they're wiry. They're Bony.
• 45:24
  They know what they're doing. They've got a pinch that could
• 45:27
  kill a rhino. Yeah, that's one of their moves.
• 45:30
  She got to worry for that. Life imitates aren't.
• 45:33
  That's what that's what my plea is at the at the court hearing
• 45:37
  I've got next week. So I didn't do any of that.
• 45:41
  No dead grandmothers, but but I had a good time.
• 45:43
  But that's because I think I had a following.
• 45:45
  I've been to the fringe enough times and I talked to other
• 45:47
  comedians that are very good comedians who, you know, are
• 45:50
  having a rough time because it's like you can't just get people
• 45:52
  in because they're like, oh, come see the show.
• 45:54
  They're like people know what they're going to see.
• 45:56
  They know what they want to see. Or, or I think if you're like an
• 45:59
  established act or you have a good following or you're like,
• 46:02
  you got a shit hot 5 star people saying you ought to see this
• 46:05
  show, you're getting reviews from like big publications that
• 46:08
  are going well, cool. Or if you're doing a like a very
• 46:13
  accessible free fringe show, like best of Australian comedy,
• 46:18
  Australian acts of the Fringe, you know, something like the the
• 46:20
  theme. Those two ends sell well, good
• 46:24
  audiences, but the middle people doing 2 handlers and people just
• 46:28
  trying stuff and doing a bit of random.
• 46:31
  It's all random. I think that's hard, I think
• 46:33
  because it's so expensive to go to the Fringe for an audience
• 46:34
  member that I don't think that has that audience anymore.
• 46:37
  So when did you feel like? So you did that.
• 46:40
  How many have you done like? I've done three shows at the
• 46:43
  Fringe, but I've, I've, I've been to the Fringe like 11
• 46:46
  times. When did you feel like you were
• 46:48
  really kind of making a footing stand up wise?
• 46:53
  You know when you you sort of like people.
• 46:57
  When I book a show, people are coming to see me.
• 47:01
  Was it the Internet or was it you had built up a following?
• 47:05
  No, it was the Internet. It was nothing.
• 47:07
  That was a real surreal moment. First things I did after the
• 47:09
  COVID or like the first gap, you know, when we had gaps, when
• 47:13
  they were like, you know, we'll let you out for a bit.
• 47:15
  They're back in, you know, That's awesome.
• 47:16
  Yeah, I only experienced one of those, right, OK.
• 47:19
  So first time we did that and I had people coming to the show
• 47:24
  and wanting to take pictures with me afterwards and I'd never
• 47:27
  experienced that before. That was wild.
• 47:30
  And that was Internet. That was Internet, but I still,
• 47:33
  I still don't think I've made it in stand up.
• 47:35
  I I still never feel like that. I beg to differ.
• 47:38
  Yeah, we haven't seen my new show where I do the same 2
• 47:41
  minutes material it's. OK, Yeah, yeah, all.
• 47:43
  Right, that's when you'll. Watch this special and write in
• 47:47
  whether or not he's made it or not.
• 47:51
  Right, they only, only receive letters on this podcast.
• 47:53
  Yeah, exactly written post. Letters.
• 47:57
  Here's the address it needs to be.
• 48:01
  With an official postcard from the pod, that's the only way we
• 48:04
  accept correspondence to this podcast.
• 48:06
  But but no, I still don't think it feels like.
• 48:08
  I think that's maybe the a cursive stand up.
• 48:11
  The people who think they're awesome as stand up are often
• 48:14
  the people who aren't as good. I see.
• 48:16
  And I think you chat to, you chat to a comedian you'll really
• 48:20
  like. And now they'll be like, oh.
• 48:24
  Seinfeld. Yeah.
• 48:26
  I haven't made it yet, yeah. He's he's there.
• 48:29
  Well, to be honest, I don't think I've made it.
• 48:33
  I mean, I'm a billionaire. I own an island.
• 48:36
  But once an island. I think he owns an island.
• 48:39
  Holy crap. Yeah, yeah.
• 48:42
  And yeah, it's not Epstein's he. Took it over from him, it was
• 48:45
  going very cheap. You don't have to keep doing it.
• 48:50
  I was reading about this. It's not so much buying the
• 48:54
  island. You can buy an island if you had
• 48:57
  enough money. It's keeping it.
• 49:00
  It's like if you want to make a house and plumbing.
• 49:04
  Yeah, living on that's. Really hard, yeah.
• 49:07
  Yeah. Castaway.
• 49:09
  Try. Yeah, try living on it.
• 49:11
  Spend all my money, sell my house, spend all my money buying
• 49:15
  an island and then you're broke on an.
• 49:17
  Island. How many times has that probably
• 49:19
  happened? You buy an island and you can't
• 49:21
  fucking live on it? Where am I going to get the wood
• 49:24
  for the house that's. What we're talking about
• 49:27
  comedians not being relatable anymore.
• 49:29
  That's the opening bit. So I'm halfway through buying my
• 49:32
  island, OK, And then I get there.
• 49:35
  There's no wood. I bought a build your own yacht
• 49:39
  kit and I don't have a bulldozer to get Oh.
• 49:46
  That's how I build a new special half mast, yeah.
• 49:51
  I like it. Yeah.
• 49:53
  Half mast. That could be good.
• 49:55
  What do we get? Yeah.
• 49:55
  So the the making in poker in in stand up.
• 49:58
  Yeah. No, I don't.
• 49:59
  I don't really feel. I mean, you know what it's like
• 50:01
  in stand up. It's one of those it's, it's
• 50:05
  she's probably the most artistic pursuit in comedy, right?
• 50:07
  Is is doing even, you know, making films, anything like
• 50:10
  that? I think, I think.
• 50:11
  Making it though, too, is when you book a theatre or you're
• 50:15
  doing a tour and you no longer have.
• 50:19
  This is one of my junctures is they're coming to see you and
• 50:25
  not like I'm going out for a night of comedy.
• 50:28
  Who's this guy? I I just went out to see some
• 50:31
  guy. I'm going because I like your
• 50:35
  comedy. That's that's tough.
• 50:37
  When you had, I mean, you truly had that experience at a Fringe
• 50:40
  when you're flying and people take your flies and they're
• 50:43
  like, hey, should we see this fucking cunt show and you go, I
• 50:46
  hope they don't come. I'm on Crystal Mac.
• 50:51
  You want to see your show? Oh.
• 50:53
  Is that you flat? Is that you?
• 50:54
  Terrible. It's both.
• 50:57
  It could be either or. I'm on crystal meth so am I show
• 51:02
  just just you guys? So I'm on meth.
• 51:07
  What breaking good? Ideally someone comes up and
• 51:16
  goes, I'm on crystal meth and then you go, so it's it's 4:45.
• 51:21
  And it's just. At the wiggle rooms, just down
• 51:24
  there on the left, it's not going to be a meth.
• 51:28
  Well, it's an improv show, so, you know, you decide.
• 51:32
  Yeah. So we have had meth before.
• 51:34
  I know I swear to God this happened one time.
• 51:37
  I was like a homeless guy in a queue and like McDonald's and he
• 51:41
  was talking to himself and he was doing something like put
• 51:44
  your knife or something. He was saying something
• 51:47
  outlandish. Put your knife and everyone.
• 51:49
  Was going. Away to the to the other queue
• 51:52
  and then he gets to the front and I swear he said yes, I'll
• 51:55
  have a Big Mac and AI swear to God and I was like my hat's off
• 52:02
  to you my hat's off to you he's. He's he's broken the system.
• 52:06
  Yeah, he knows what's up. People don't like a crazy person
• 52:08
  on the streets. No.
• 52:10
  I might try that next time I'm at McDonald's.
• 52:14
  Have you? Did you think about doing it
• 52:15
  yourself? Did you think about doing it?
• 52:16
  Yourself. I should have.
• 52:18
  Yeah. Now it's too late.
• 52:19
  There's going to be a bunch of them now.
• 52:22
  Everyone, the whole queue, everyone there going butcher not
• 52:24
  butcher. Dude, what about this?
• 52:27
  Have you ever had someone appropriate your material?
• 52:33
  Not as far as I know with stand. Oh, I had that one time with
• 52:37
  stand up when someone all right I was.
• 52:39
  Drunk. I needed the money all right.
• 52:42
  Yeah, I want that to. Apologise, that's why I've had
• 52:47
  you on. I love that.
• 52:50
  So you were you were drunk and you needed the money.
• 52:53
  Yeah, that's what I like about that.
• 52:54
  So how did that come with you stealing a bit drunk watching
• 52:58
  it? I'm gonna bastard's bit.
• 53:01
  And then you can later be like someone clicking the Balkan ping
• 53:05
  pong guy. You better have a three minute
• 53:07
  routine for me, otherwise. OK, OK, OK.
• 53:10
  How about this? I'm a ginger guy with a small
• 53:13
  penis. Keep talking.
• 53:15
  I like what you're saying but it seems like no, I'm generalising
• 53:24
  but in the US there are some people that have been known to
• 53:28
  do this, well known people, but it doesn't seem like in the
• 53:32
  British stand up community, maybe because it's smaller there
• 53:37
  isn't, you don't hear that much about it.
• 53:40
  Yeah, I think we you don't have the swing for me.
• 53:48
  Answer. Damn it, you're so slow, Kenny.
• 53:58
  It was said in the brief for this podcast, you will be
• 54:01
  punished if you don't answer within .8 seconds every time.
• 54:04
  You take answers please, we don't know how to edit.
• 54:11
  It's good, Yeah. But you come back, like all
• 54:12
  bruises and everything. Yeah.
• 54:13
  But you know, it's it's good. It's good platform.
• 54:16
  You know, he gets 50 listeners. That's good.
• 54:18
  That's more tickets. You know, it's being planned.
• 54:20
  Special coming out. Yeah.
• 54:22
  Like, I'll do a hospital visit for special, you know, there's
• 54:29
  ping pong. Yeah.
• 54:30
  There's a lot of stuff. How was the podcast, Honey?
• 54:33
  Yeah. You know, there's ping pong and
• 54:35
  ping pong hit me in the face a few times.
• 54:38
  I don't know, should I forgot to mention the special fuck?
• 54:41
  God damn it, did you mention the special?
• 54:46
  Oh fuck, fuck, I gotta go back. Hello, Rich.
• 54:51
  Yeah, can we do another podcast comes.
• 54:54
  Back with crutches. So did you mention this?
• 54:58
  Especially Simon? God damn it.
• 55:01
  Every time that guy brings a ping pong it's like a fucking
• 55:04
  Jedi trick. Three in a row, you die and then
• 55:11
  it just says, what's the special?
• 55:13
  Special posthumously. Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to
• 55:18
  die. I'm going to die as marketing
• 55:20
  for my special. Yeah, Yeah, that's you got to
• 55:22
  watch the Primo. They want to see a pint of blood
• 55:24
  on the stage. Yeah, Which it sounds like you
• 55:28
  do give a you know, it sounds like you've been crying.
• 55:33
  Don't you cry in the special? I don't think there's my, I
• 55:37
  don't think I cry. I was like I when I went up
• 55:40
  because it does get, oh, it gets real, Yeah.
• 55:43
  But I was like, I give myself permission if I need to, to cry.
• 55:46
  I've never cried on stage. I almost did.
• 55:49
  But you. Let you go.
• 55:50
  I'm gonna let it. All yeah, if I need to cry on
• 55:52
  fire, I'll just, I'll go for it because I've got to leave it
• 55:55
  here. But I didn't.
• 55:57
  But I go close or close. As your agent, I'm recommending
• 56:01
  that you cry. You're my agent.
• 56:03
  I've been wondering who this guy is.
• 56:05
  Yes, I'm your agent. You got to get in the ping pong
• 56:11
  every time I call you. How's the ping pong?
• 56:14
  Ping pong. I know these Belgians, No
• 56:16
  Bulgarians, whatever. They want some money.
• 56:20
  I. Got 2 words for you?
• 56:23
  Ping pong. Ping pong.
• 56:25
  Yeah, different P. Squared, yeah, you can tell
• 56:27
  everyone's did improv. That's yeah, yeah, just
• 56:30
  different, completely different story.
• 56:32
  Where you've got an Asian who owns the Bulgarian Mafia,
• 56:35
  £2,000,000 and there's a ping pong competition with the prize
• 56:38
  money's £2,000,000. You make make your client.
• 56:42
  I tell you buddy, you gotta get good of the ping pong.
• 56:46
  OK, good. Buy a paddle, Yeah.
• 56:48
  Preferably in the next 4 weeks. OK, Yeah.
• 56:51
  It's not too much time, is it? Just still vape like that, still
• 56:55
  vape like the old school way. Just a huge vape coming out
• 56:58
  holding it with. Two, I would do that, Yeah, I
• 57:00
  don't vape, but that's how I would do it.
• 57:03
  Yeah, that looks cool. It's sort of like the way
• 57:05
  Travolta does the cigarettes. I mean, doesn't he do he does
• 57:10
  this right? No one just holds it out there.
• 57:12
  Yeah, like in Pulp Fiction, he kind of does.
• 57:15
  He always does that. Yeah, bit of a lost art form.
• 57:18
  I know. Smoking cool isn't it?
• 57:20
  I don't know what the vaping equivalent is of that.
• 57:24
  Like I don't know how you can vape coolly.
• 57:27
  Like it's weird now to me when you see really cool looking
• 57:30
  people get out of vape and then suddenly you're like puffing.
• 57:34
  Because there's no lighting. Because that's a cool thing to
• 57:37
  do. Have the Zippo.
• 57:38
  Well, the only lighting is that the little light appears on the
• 57:41
  vape, which looks so lame. It's like kids when they have
• 57:43
  the shoes that lit up when you when you, when you stood on
• 57:45
  them. That's how it feels to me.
• 57:46
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this guy's, this guy's
• 57:49
  vaping right now. That's what the light's saying
• 57:51
  every time. Oh, boy.
• 57:52
  Another vape. Yay.
• 57:55
  So that's that's uncool now. It's a shame to me that pub
• 57:58
  gardens there's like so much smoke, but it's like water
• 58:02
  vapour kind of it doesn't look cool like it's like shares about
• 58:05
  to appear, you know, it doesn't look cool anymore.
• 58:07
  And these smoking kind of looked looked quite.
• 58:10
  Cool. It was cool.
• 58:11
  It's going to come back. You reckon?
• 58:13
  Yeah. That.
• 58:14
  Get out of the Internet. Age.
• 58:16
  Yeah. The smoking age, Yeah.
• 58:17
  Are you a smoker? No, I never got into it because
• 58:21
  I have asthma and it would. It's always a problem.
• 58:25
  God. Yeah.
• 58:26
  So politically, you know, you don't get involved in that.
• 58:29
  The asthma. Community.
• 58:30
  Involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:31
  I have no opinion on smoking as an asthma sufferer.
• 58:34
  Yeah, that's it. No, but I'm just saying as much.
• 58:38
  I mean, I've want, I probably would have smoked, but yeah.
• 58:43
  You wanted to. I probably would have smoked.
• 58:48
  I mean, I tried it but it just was too difficult to keep going.
• 58:52
  Yeah, that's because that's not cool when you have when you
• 58:54
  light a cigarette and you're like.
• 58:59
  Yeah, see, I'm already like kind of wheezy, I mean.
• 59:02
  Just the prospect of just just the mind just smoking mine, it
• 59:06
  was enough. That's a commitment.
• 59:08
  That's a method actor right there.
• 59:09
  Yeah, listen, if you're in a scene with Rich, don't improv
• 59:12
  cigarettes, OK? Don't improv heroin because they
• 59:16
  really feel like he's doing. I know we're about to go on, but
• 59:19
  I have a couple of rules here. No cigarette scenes.
• 59:22
  Answer within .8 seconds or you get punched.
• 59:25
  So ping pong. I won't play a Bulgarian.
• 59:29
  I will not. What's this podcast about again?
• 59:34
  Oh, I think it's about process. Yeah, yeah, process.
• 59:41
  What are you working on at the moment?
• 59:43
  What's your? What are you up to?
• 59:44
  Podcast and really, no, I'm doing a lot of pitching ideas
• 59:49
  for shows and it's not, you know, it's difficult.
• 59:52
  Well, that even that Bulgarian ping pong agent, Yeah, I think
• 59:57
  that's got I think that's got legs for A10 part film series.
• 1:00:01
  Yeah, 10 part. I'm liking what you're saying. 2
• 1:00:04
  1/2 hour feature length films 10.
• 1:00:06
  I hope I'm going to show this to some people.
• 1:00:10
  Yeah, I bet, I bet. Well.
• 1:00:11
  That's, I mean, that's the hope, I guess that's, that's the hope.
• 1:00:14
  You may be getting a call too, but you know.
• 1:00:17
  Yeah, about the Bulgarian. Mafia.
• 1:00:18
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We want you to play the agent
• 1:00:22
  and I'm going to play the client.
• 1:00:24
  But I do, you know, I do stand up.
• 1:00:27
  But I'm not, I haven't, I don't have the muscle to go on a tour
• 1:00:33
  because I'm not going in town every night.
• 1:00:38
  Yeah. I need to almost get a place in
• 1:00:41
  town that would be. Good, that's what's stopping it
• 1:00:44
  is buying a penthouse flat in. Central mortgage, yeah.
• 1:00:48
  Yeah, what I'm but you? Are you in a relationship?
• 1:00:51
  Yes, your your family kids. You have love in your life.
• 1:00:55
  This is this yes. It's tough to do stuff because
• 1:00:58
  there's got to be a, there's got to be some element of trying to
• 1:01:00
  prove people wrong, doing stand up, dragging yourself out to do
• 1:01:03
  gigs every night, Yeah. This is why I love doing it.
• 1:01:06
  I love doing it when I know that there's a goal in mind.
• 1:01:11
  Like if somebody told me, like if you you do this for three
• 1:01:15
  months. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:01:18
  I'm. Just pay off your Bulgarian Bing
• 1:01:20
  bong. That I don't know.
• 1:01:22
  Yeah. No, I I agree with you on that
• 1:01:23
  one, though I find it tricky. Just the endless Sisyphean
• 1:01:28
  effort of let's just gig and get better and better and better.
• 1:01:32
  I like having a guy. I like having a deadline.
• 1:01:33
  That's why I liked having a special recording in the diary,
• 1:01:37
  some sort of tools. Edamer Fringe is good for that
• 1:01:39
  as well. Like the idea that people are
• 1:01:40
  going to calm and review. Yeah, OK.
• 1:01:42
  You see? Like, OK, I want to be good for
• 1:01:43
  that. And there's people who just kind
• 1:01:45
  of work on routines, and their routines are great.
• 1:01:48
  And I'm just like, how do you have the patience for this?
• 1:01:51
  How do you still work on that routine?
• 1:01:52
  Makes you angry. Yeah, yeah, violent.
• 1:01:55
  Violent as. I'm beating them up after the
• 1:01:57
  gig. Yeah, I just get into them.
• 1:02:00
  I get right in their face. I go, I go.
• 1:02:04
  Yeah, just, I just had an idea. I've got a Topper.
• 1:02:06
  Here's your fucking Topper. And yeah, they call me the punch
• 1:02:10
  line for a reason. Have you ever seen 2 comics get
• 1:02:13
  in a fight? Well, no, I'm going to get an
• 1:02:16
  argument, but not in a a fist fight.
• 1:02:18
  Have you seen that? No.
• 1:02:20
  Because I don't think that's that's fighters and comedians
• 1:02:24
  are two different circles on a Venn diagram.
• 1:02:25
  I don't think there's many people who could handle
• 1:02:27
  themselves or would want to. Yeah, there's a lot of people
• 1:02:30
  with hurt feelings on the scene, but I don't think they're
• 1:02:33
  hurting each other. Yeah, they.
• 1:02:35
  Get into little groups. Yeah, there's a lot of When
• 1:02:38
  people have a problem with a comedian, they start a WhatsApp
• 1:02:40
  group that's I don't think they stopped throwing punches.
• 1:02:46
  They go, Can you believe this guy?
• 1:02:47
  Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of that.
• 1:02:49
  Yeah. Would you Have you ever got in a
• 1:02:51
  fight yourself? Oh well.
• 1:02:53
  What did you look to the producer?
• 1:02:54
  Have I? Have I gotten in?
• 1:02:56
  A. Can I say this?
• 1:02:59
  Can we talk about fights? No, I, I mentioned this.
• 1:03:03
  Someone asked that when I was younger.
• 1:03:06
  You know, you yell stuff out at people, especially when you're
• 1:03:11
  driving by. Oh, else.
• 1:03:13
  And then somebody got angry. And then there was little.
• 1:03:16
  Oh wow. OK, OK, so it was not now a
• 1:03:18
  stupid thing, not as an. Adult.
• 1:03:20
  No, not as an adult. And you have kids, Yeah.
• 1:03:23
  And. You have kids.
• 1:03:25
  Yeah, they allowed you to have kids.
• 1:03:28
  Yeah, I thought that was a a system in place for this is the
• 1:03:31
  state of this country, I guess. But but they and how old are
• 1:03:35
  they, 13 and 10? And have they seen your work?
• 1:03:38
  Yes they have, but not live. OK.
• 1:03:41
  I mean, how do they find your having watched some of your
• 1:03:44
  stuff like how how did you find that?
• 1:03:47
  Did you find that? How did they find that?
• 1:03:50
  Interesting. They they liked it, so that's
• 1:03:53
  good, yeah. Yeah, because I would have
• 1:03:55
  thought the go to would have been Oh my God, how
• 1:03:57
  embarrassing. It was.
• 1:03:59
  I kind of watched from the other room and then they liked it and
• 1:04:02
  I walked a little closer. Yeah, and I Remember Me.
• 1:04:06
  Yeah, I'm back. I could.
• 1:04:09
  Come out of this shit. Don't tell your mother I was
• 1:04:13
  here, Woo. And then float off back into the
• 1:04:15
  distance. But yeah, how did you find it?
• 1:04:19
  Them liking it? Did they were you like, oh, this
• 1:04:22
  is a beautiful mug. But I was.
• 1:04:23
  Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• 1:04:25
  Like, OK, they got bored, you know which is.
• 1:04:29
  What did you show them? The boosh and stuff, yeah, but
• 1:04:33
  they look at that bug. Oh, it's a, it's a real slick
• 1:04:37
  operation you've got going on here.
• 1:04:38
  This is have you been diagnosed for ADHD?
• 1:04:43
  Yeah. It's not.
• 1:04:44
  Good. Yeah, officially.
• 1:04:45
  This is the last podcast. Forever of this room.
• 1:04:49
  You're closing it. Sorry.
• 1:04:50
  Yeah, Yeah. No, I, I So I did read the brief
• 1:04:53
  that every episode ends with the suicide pact.
• 1:04:56
  Of course I've got that. But it's it's good.
• 1:04:59
  But I'm I'm still, I'm waiting for it to like.
• 1:05:02
  Oh, yeah. Well, that's old.
• 1:05:03
  Yeah, no watching Dad. Right.
• 1:05:07
  OK. And how would you feel if they
• 1:05:08
  were in the audience while you were doing this stand?
• 1:05:10
  Up. I'd feel OK if I was, you know,
• 1:05:13
  felt it was a show that I was proud of.
• 1:05:17
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:05:19
  Not just any gig, right? But listen, I have a segment in
• 1:05:24
  the show. No way.
• 1:05:26
  You're not going to reveal their structure.
• 1:05:30
  The twist we don't know. This is just some I don't know
• 1:05:33
  if you've seen the podcast, but every No, of course not.
• 1:05:37
  I'm. Busy.
• 1:05:39
  It's called fill in the blank. It's just basically there's a
• 1:05:43
  blank in the sentence and you have to.
• 1:05:46
  Fill it OK and is it one word or is it?
• 1:05:49
  Sometimes it's more than one. Fuck, I know I am at my worst
• 1:05:53
  when I'm blank. On the toilet.
• 1:05:56
  Nice. I think that's a side of me I
• 1:06:00
  think a doctor needs to look at because.
• 1:06:01
  You don't like the it's vulnerable.
• 1:06:04
  It's. Vulnerable.
• 1:06:05
  I mean, I, I will say this personally, I'm at piece.
• 1:06:11
  I'm happy there. A piece of ass.
• 1:06:13
  Piece. I'm not at piece.
• 1:06:17
  Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what I am, by the
• 1:06:18
  way. I'm a piece.
• 1:06:21
  Yeah, she is. Yes, when I'm on the toilet.
• 1:06:24
  God damn. I have a piece of ass on the
• 1:06:26
  toilet. But that's exactly what I.
• 1:06:28
  Have. But I am at peace.
• 1:06:33
  At peace, Yeah, yeah. On the toilet.
• 1:06:36
  And that's why I love the the best.
• 1:06:38
  One of the best things I love about touring and doing doing
• 1:06:40
  digs, staying hotel room and having a toilet completely to
• 1:06:43
  yourself in separation from the whole world.
• 1:06:46
  And you just feel like this is what Nirvana is.
• 1:06:49
  Sometimes they have a bidet too, the nice ones.
• 1:06:53
  Can you believe it? What a treat.
• 1:06:55
  Yeah, I'm on there. 3-4 hours. Take this ass, it's a piece.
• 1:07:01
  I turn around and go. You lucky midday.
• 1:07:03
  Oh, it was. A good day?
• 1:07:07
  Well, for you, buddy, a big day. Oh, say hello to a big day.
• 1:07:13
  If my blank behaved better, I'd be blank.
• 1:07:17
  Penis. I'd be not a comedian.
• 1:07:22
  Oh, wow. Yeah, this says a lot.
• 1:07:24
  Yeah, yeah. I think that's a lot because I
• 1:07:27
  had delayed puberty. So that's in this latest
• 1:07:29
  special. So I didn't go to puberty until
• 1:07:31
  I was like 17 and I had to have testosterone shots to kick start
• 1:07:35
  puberty. And I think that being sort of a
• 1:07:41
  little like kid, like when I was 17, I was like 5 foot 4 being
• 1:07:46
  like a little guy. I'm not tall, but I'm like 511,
• 1:07:49
  six foot five. Yeah, but I, I would, I but when
• 1:07:53
  I was yeah, I would meet. I had to be funny.
• 1:07:56
  I had to be something so. And, you know, lots of having,
• 1:07:59
  you know, being small, having, you know, no, no pubes, no
• 1:08:03
  armpit hair. It was, you know, that's.
• 1:08:06
  That's a sliding doors thing. What if you didn't have that?
• 1:08:10
  What if I, what if I just went through it a kind of 13 like
• 1:08:12
  everyone else? And then I could have maybe just
• 1:08:14
  been socially and sexually satisfied and you were the cool
• 1:08:18
  kid. Maybe potentially.
• 1:08:20
  And then I could have maybe just not had to keep trying to prove
• 1:08:24
  myself. Yeah.
• 1:08:26
  And annoyingly I went through puberty but penis stayed the
• 1:08:29
  same. Blank is the best thing to eat
• 1:08:33
  after a gig. Fried chicken wings?
• 1:08:35
  Really. Yeah, with sauce.
• 1:08:38
  Oh yeah, with some hot sauce. Yeah, the chilli.
• 1:08:42
  So I'm going to shout out. Watch, it's pronounced chilli.
• 1:08:50
  You got Kenny sauce here. He's at the back every night.
• 1:08:58
  9:40 PM at the Chuckle Fox. Come join us.
• 1:09:04
  But yeah, no, after gig chicken wings, white chopper fried
• 1:09:09
  chicken, chilli sauce on there and that's that's my go to five
• 1:09:13
  wings, no. Chicken that's out in a skip.
• 1:09:14
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last thing I lost was blank.
• 1:09:20
  Oh, I've been quite good on this recently.
• 1:09:22
  I've not lost a lot of stuff. I thought I lost my sunglasses,
• 1:09:26
  right? I didn't.
• 1:09:28
  Oh, I've been actually so good on this.
• 1:09:30
  I lost. The last thing?
• 1:09:32
  Yeah, I'm trying to think what it was.
• 1:09:35
  Normally I lose things all the time and I've really made a real
• 1:09:38
  conscious effort. Oh, water bottle.
• 1:09:40
  Water bottle. That's it.
• 1:09:41
  Oh God, I lose one of those Stanley.
• 1:09:44
  No, I I get these like leader ones of there's this little like
• 1:09:47
  boutique shop that does them called Amazon.
• 1:09:50
  Fans send me these water bottles.
• 1:09:52
  Oh no, no, no, I, I thought, I've never had, I've never had a
• 1:09:55
  water bottle from a fan. Now's the time people will mail
• 1:10:00
  it in. Mail it in with your postcard.
• 1:10:04
  With a blank and maybe a blank I can do anything.
• 1:10:08
  A friend and a dream. That's great.
• 1:10:13
  Yeah, wow. I think that's it.
• 1:10:16
  I think that's what I I'm a bit extroverted.
• 1:10:18
  I like being around people and I think when I really get my head
• 1:10:22
  into something that I want to do this thing, I can do it.
• 1:10:27
  So yeah, I think that. Friend in a dream?
• 1:10:29
  Yeah, I like that. That's corny shit, isn't it?
• 1:10:32
  Next. Show.
• 1:10:33
  Yeah, well, I think I, in a lot of ways, I think I'm quite
• 1:10:35
  spiritually American. Yeah, what way?
• 1:10:38
  And then I, I kind of, I'm a natural.
• 1:10:40
  Sort of. You hate immigrants.
• 1:10:44
  It's pretty popular over here too.
• 1:10:46
  It's pretty popular over here too my friend.
• 1:10:51
  No, it's a joke, people. Not a big Trump fan.
• 1:10:55
  I. Go over your base.
• 1:10:58
  Yeah, it's that's my next show. It's called right or left.
• 1:11:03
  You decide. Trump, whoever dies, I love
• 1:11:06
  Vance. So yeah, just do takes every
• 1:11:11
  podcast. Yeah.
• 1:11:12
  I'm so proud of President Trump. OK, run again.
• 1:11:15
  I'm so proud of President Vance. Just have that ready to go.
• 1:11:18
  We'll do it in the edit. So, yeah, no, I because I have
• 1:11:22
  that sort of optimism that that belief that, you know, things
• 1:11:26
  can get better, that you can, things can happen.
• 1:11:28
  And like the, the British sensibility is any sort of
• 1:11:31
  sincerity is to sort of, you know, perpetual on that and burn
• 1:11:34
  it alive. I know.
• 1:11:35
  Whereas I'm quite a sincere person.
• 1:11:37
  Yeah, I like that side of things.
• 1:11:39
  And if you display your optimism too much on a plate in England,
• 1:11:44
  they go, who is this? Yeah.
• 1:11:47
  What a prick. Don't hurt that guy.
• 1:11:49
  I'll tell you what, I saw this bloke the other day.
• 1:11:51
  He wanted to have a happy life. Cunt.
• 1:11:54
  Honestly, I couldn't stand the bloke.
• 1:11:57
  Right? He said he believed that the
• 1:11:59
  world could be better and he was in love with his wife.
• 1:12:03
  I shanked him, you know what I mean?
• 1:12:04
  I had to knife the bloke. Honestly.
• 1:12:07
  What? What a prick.
• 1:12:09
  Right in the ping pong. On that note, thank you so much
• 1:12:16
  for being here. How was the podcast started?
• 1:12:18
  Oh sorry I didn't realise the lights were on I.
• 1:12:23
  Was all leading up to that. That's the part.
• 1:12:26
  The final segment. Thank you so much for coming is
• 1:12:28
  goodbye. I want I just want to do the
• 1:12:31
  final plug this Sunday, but what's the day?
• 1:12:35
  Sunday. Do you remember the 21st of
• 1:12:38
  September? 21st Oh, that's that song.
• 1:12:41
  That's that song. And that's also the first day of
• 1:12:45
  winter or autumn. That's the first day of autumn.
• 1:12:50
  OK. Isn't it?
• 1:12:51
  I don't know. Yeah.
• 1:12:54
  So remember that. So see it on YouTube and then
• 1:12:57
  see this guy live. Yeah, please do.
• 1:13:01
  My name's Ali, by the way. But yeah, Ali Woods I.
• 1:13:04
  Know Ali? Woods, eat that.
• 1:13:05
  Yeah. But yeah, if you and please do
• 1:13:08
  watch it, I'd be really appreciated and I hope you enjoy
• 1:13:11
  it. I'll put we put work into it.
• 1:13:13
  I'm proud of it. You aren't safe for everything I
• 1:13:16
  make, but I'm proud of this one. It's honest and it's vulnerable
• 1:13:19
  and hopefully you'll find it very funny.
• 1:13:21
  And thank you so much for having me on this podcast.
• 1:13:23
  I really appreciate it and it's lovely to meet a legend.
• 1:13:26
  Yes. Well, I mean, no, no, I don't
• 1:13:29
  know who. The yes, I imagine it is.
• 1:13:31
  Yes, it is. Lovely to meet you and good luck
• 1:13:35
  with everything. Thank you.
• 1:13:37
  Good luck with everything to you too.
• 1:13:40
  How to end it? Yeah, I think this is the way to
• 1:13:42
  end, Yeah. If you like that, you're a silly
• 1:13:46
  get. No, I liked it.
• 1:13:49
  That's all that matters, right? I hope you liked it too.
• 1:13:54
  Press subscribe if you want to see some more.
• 1:13:57
  If we get to 10,000 viewers, I'm going to throw a God damn pizza
• 1:14:01
  party. Where I don't know will there be
• 1:14:05
  pizza? Maybe not, but I like it.
• 1:14:10
  Come on. See ya.
• 1:14:26
  Rich vultures talk box.