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SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_ BONUS EPISODE _ HOST BLAQUE DIAMOND · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Author's Magazine is a founding sponsor for doc Crew podcast.
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  Speaker 1: Get featured inside the magazine and allow your voice to
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  Speaker 1: be heard around the world.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Aspiring Authors Magazine is an international magazine founded in May
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: of twenty twenty by Queen Angela.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: Get featured Ours, All Things and What they used to be?
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Where did all the blue sky?
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: It's boys blow from the Northern Side Things?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Who persons?
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: All Things?
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: And what they used to know?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Basic Black after Dark that all new podcast show with
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: your host Black Diamond. Hey everybody, this is Black Diamond
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: from the Crew Network and you're listening to Basic Black
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: After Dark podcast to show that meets you where you
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: are and give you what you ask for. Mala gross Romero,
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  Speaker 2: known as the Lotus b E y o U t
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Y Beauty. It's from impossible to miracle, from victim to
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  Speaker 2: broken survivor, from survivor to restore, to conqueror, and from
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  Speaker 2: conqueror to gratitude. My next guest is a passionate community
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: activist whose drive has always been writing to heal. Please
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: welcome Beauty to Basic Black After Dog. Hey, Hey, Hey, hi,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: hey melot Girl. So beauty rather the Lotus. I love
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: that The Lotus love the Red Rose, the lower.
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  Speaker 1: Story.
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  Speaker 2: We're gonna get into a lot of your story tonight,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm so happy that you are here.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: I'm gonna call you between beauty now, I'm gonna call
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  Speaker 2: you beauty. I love that. Thank you, beauty. What is enough.
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  Speaker 3: Enough? The first wrong touch is enough? Unfortunately, most of
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: the time we live with them, we trust them, and
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  Speaker 3: we love them so enough it's never enough.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. I never thought of it like that, that the
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: first touch was enough, and I never would have thought
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: of it that way, But you're absolutely right.
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  Speaker 3: Did I want people to understand because I've come across
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: many people who would say, well, something happened to her,
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: and it only happened once. Why she's so messed up? Well,
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  Speaker 3: she's messed up because there was a wrong touch. There
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: was something that was wrong and it affected her.
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  Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be nine years like it was
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  Speaker 4: for me of the abuse. It just the first touch
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  Speaker 4: is a wrong touch, and that is enough to get
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  Speaker 4: you messed up.
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  Speaker 2: So you don't explain what enough was? When did you
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: decide enough was enough?
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  Speaker 4: Well, I had a couple enough because at nine year old,
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  Speaker 4: there was another predator in my life and he kept
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  Speaker 4: telling me.
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  Speaker 3: That he was my boyfriend, even though he was supposed
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: to be one of my uncles. And he told me
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  Speaker 3: he was my boyfriend and he loved me. Now, because
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: of my experiences with my stepfather, the way he loved
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: me felt similar. So I was believing what he was saying.
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: Until one day he was talking to my mom about
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  Speaker 4: girl friends and what he did with them, and it
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  Speaker 4: kind of woke me up, and I said, wait a minute,
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  Speaker 4: this is gonna be my boyfriend and he has other girlfriends.
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  Speaker 3: So the next time you approached me, I walked away
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  Speaker 3: and I refused him and never really allowed him to
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  Speaker 3: get that close to me again.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. In your book, you said your father's absence made
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: you feel unwanted, your stepfather's immortality made you feel defiled,
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  Speaker 2: and your mother's inability to face reality made you feel forsaken.
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  Speaker 2: Was there anything or anyone that made you or make
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  Speaker 2: you feel safe.
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  Speaker 3: Talking and writing?
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  Speaker 1: Now?
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  Speaker 3: I couldn't talk about what was going on with me,
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  Speaker 3: so I talked a lot to myself. I still do
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  Speaker 3: and writing. I started writing when I was about six,
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  Speaker 3: and I wrote little poems for my mom and my teachers.
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  Speaker 3: By the age I was nine, I started writing about
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  Speaker 3: my pain without mentioning what was happening to me. For instance,
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  Speaker 3: I wrote a poem called the Tears Inside of the
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  Speaker 3: Clowns Mask, and that told about the laughter. You go
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  Speaker 3: out there, you make people app but within when you withdraw,
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  Speaker 3: you are crying all the time because you are so sad.
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  Speaker 3: But people don't really see they just see the mask.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: Then I have a.
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  Speaker 4: Brother that is two years younger than me, and as
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  Speaker 4: you would notice, my voice fluctu eights, that is.
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  Speaker 5: Okay, I have that's fine, And he was always looking
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  Speaker 5: at me like he would notice that there was something
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  Speaker 5: wrong with me, but I couldn't discuss it with anyone.
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  Speaker 1: But many nights he would just sit with.
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  Speaker 4: Me while I was tormented with my dreams and whatever
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  Speaker 4: thoughts were coming through.
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  Speaker 1: And then I have a sister that is five years
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  Speaker 1: younger than I am. And when she came home my.
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  Speaker 4: Mom brought her home from the hospital, I immediately fell
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  Speaker 4: in love with her, and she was like she was
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  Speaker 4: my baby, so she couldn't save me, but her love
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  Speaker 4: was always there and that gave me some strength.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, one day your eyes were open and you found yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Tell me about that.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, and I'm gonna be reading some of my answers
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  Speaker 1: that one. Okay, I was in a car at last
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  Speaker 1: year and it kind of.
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  Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm so sorry.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So I blame myself for the abuse.
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  Speaker 1: I'm the ort.
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  Speaker 3: So I hated myself. I was convinced that I was unwanted,
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  Speaker 3: that I was unlovable. I pray to God, please take me.
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  Speaker 1: He didn't.
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  Speaker 3: I tried taking my life and it didn't happen. So
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  Speaker 3: then I told myself, okay, so Hell doesn't want me
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  Speaker 3: and God will not take me. So that cost me
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  Speaker 3: two failed marriages and caused me about forty years of
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  Speaker 3: depression and until I found a journey within God's love,
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  Speaker 3: mercy and grace.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, So how did you regain confidence?
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  Speaker 1: First of all, the word of God.
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  Speaker 4: There is a scripture that says that even before we
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  Speaker 4: are formed in our mother's womb, our story is already written,
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  Speaker 4: even though none has happened yet.
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  Speaker 3: And that really touched me in a way where I
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  Speaker 3: understood that God truly does have a plan, and the
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  Speaker 3: plan might not look like what we wanted to look,
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  Speaker 3: what we would like it to look, but if we
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  Speaker 3: trust that He has a plan, that we really believe it,
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  Speaker 3: then it doesn't matter where the journey takes us. We're
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  Speaker 3: gonna be okay.
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  Speaker 4: Don't sound strength in that, and I begin living that life,
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  Speaker 4: I begin.
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  Speaker 3: Believing that God has a plan for me. So no
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  Speaker 3: matter what I'm going through, I am okay. For instance,
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  Speaker 3: right now, I've been diagnosed with stage format of static
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  Speaker 3: cancer and I don't have any pain. I didn't do that.
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  Speaker 4: God did that, and I am joyful. I even tell people,
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  Speaker 4: please do not pray for my healing, pray that.
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  Speaker 3: Joy remains and that I am in strength to do
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  Speaker 3: those things that God wants me to do. That's all
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  Speaker 3: I ask, because again, I believe that He has a plan,
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  Speaker 3: and if he has a plan, and in his plan
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  Speaker 3: he's including.
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  Speaker 1: Healing, he will heal me.
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  Speaker 4: But if he is going to use what is going
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  Speaker 4: on with me to the point where my doctors are
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  Speaker 4: baffled that I am not in the hospital constantly, that
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: I am in no pain, they cannot explain it. So
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  Speaker 4: who gets the glory?
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  Speaker 2: God gets the glory always.
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  Speaker 4: But if I walk in fear and want God to
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  Speaker 4: heal me, God believes, and I'm crying, I.
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  Speaker 1: Am asking out of fear.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not asking out of love, and I'm definitely not
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  Speaker 4: us asking in faith.
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  Speaker 1: So thinking about this it made me fine.
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  Speaker 3: Strength within myself to walk confident, not in myself, but
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  Speaker 3: on the word of God, his faithfulness and what he
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  Speaker 3: said my life is about.
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  Speaker 2: Well, Patresa mentioned he has a plan. She says all
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  Speaker 2: the glory and she says again, he does have a
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  Speaker 2: plan and we must trust in him. You know, a
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  Speaker 2: flashback is a complete re experience of a sexual assault.
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  Speaker 2: It's more in the memory. Have you had flashbacks of
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  Speaker 2: your soul?
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  Speaker 1: Yes?
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  Speaker 3: I thank God that's over. Yes, Yes, I had many
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  Speaker 3: flashback during the years of abuse and long after it
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  Speaker 3: was over. The sexual abuse stop. When I was eleven
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  Speaker 3: years and nine months, oh, I developed insomnia because I
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  Speaker 3: had I'm all sorts of nightmares and I was afraid
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  Speaker 3: of falling asleep and dreaming or opening my eyes and
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  Speaker 3: seeing him.
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  Speaker 4: My first consensual encounter was at twenty two and it
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  Speaker 4: was a disaster because I had my eye clothes and
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  Speaker 4: when I opened my eyes, I can only see my
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  Speaker 4: stepfather's face.
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  Speaker 1: So that ended really quick. It didn't even happen.
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  Speaker 3: I lived so traumatized, so scared. Again. I have had
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  Speaker 3: insomnia for many, many, many years. I mean I can
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  Speaker 3: say at least over thirty years, and I would have
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  Speaker 3: the flashbacks. And sometimes you hear a word and it
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  Speaker 3: triggers you. You see something in a child that according
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  Speaker 3: to the people.
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  Speaker 1: Around you, everything is okay with that child.
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  Speaker 4: But then you recognize something, you see something and you
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  Speaker 4: know that something is not all right, and that triggers you. Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: And this is why it's very important for us to
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  Speaker 4: find our healing, because we cannot help others he complete
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  Speaker 4: if we not seeking our own healing.
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  Speaker 2: Right, You're so right. The term the term victim and
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  Speaker 2: survival are used so interchangeably to be inclusive of the
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  Speaker 2: various ways people who have experienced sexual violence may identify.
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  Speaker 2: In what way do you identify yourself as a victim
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  Speaker 2: or survivor or do you identify yourself as either one neither.
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  Speaker 3: I believe that in a moment of the assault or
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  Speaker 3: the situation, we are victims. When the minute it is over,
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  Speaker 3: we survived it, so we begain survivors that that journey
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  Speaker 3: of healing lead us to become gross.
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  Speaker 2: Now I read that dissociation is a normal response of victimization,
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  Speaker 2: but some survivors may find it disruptive in their daily lives,
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  Speaker 2: and victims often described it as floating above themselves or
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: concentrating intently on a particular object in the room. But
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: survivors they may continue this behavior throughout their lives. In
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  Speaker 2: times of stress, they may space out or go Now,
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  Speaker 2: what are some of the disruptions that occurred in your life?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I dealt with different personalities. They were not on
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  Speaker 3: the outwards, they were inward. And you know, people would
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  Speaker 3: say all those art demons and whatever they want to
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: label it is fine with me. I just know that
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  Speaker 3: it was warfare. It was like angels and demons were
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  Speaker 3: fighting for my soul.
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  Speaker 4: And there were moments where I would feel afraid of
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: myself because I couldn't recognize who I was within me,
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: but I couldn't bring it.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: To the outside because I feared for my life.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: My mom was very violent, so the physical abuse came.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: From my mom.
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: So there was a lot that I had to contain
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  Speaker 4: within myself. And that was the one thing.
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  Speaker 1: That you know, you go to church and people are.
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  Speaker 4: Just they stick to this thing. Oh you just seeing demons,
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  Speaker 4: You just filled with demons. Okay, if you say I'm
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: being filled with demons, why is God talking to me?
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: And comforting me and consoling me. I used to disassociate
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: sometimes when something was happening physically with my body ready,
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: when the perpetrator would be at me, And sometimes I
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: would see my body on the bed going through whatever.
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  Speaker 3: It was going through, and I was in another place,
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  Speaker 3: feeling safe.
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  Speaker 4: And one year God called me when I was fourteen
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  Speaker 4: years old. The abuse ended when I was almost twelve.
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  Speaker 4: So God called me when I was fourteen, and I
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  Speaker 4: asked him, why are you calling me? Eating out that
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: I don't need you. I'm not being abused anymore. Why
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  Speaker 4: aren't you calling me?
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: Where were you when these things were happening to me?
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Where were you?
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: He never answered, But I, even though I had that situation.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Going on within me, like I wanted to understand, how
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: come you.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Did it save me when I thought I needed saving. Later,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: many years later, God questioned me. He took me back
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: to when I asked that question as a teenager, and
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: he said, to you, remember when you used to see
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: your body on the bed, what you were somewhere else?
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: And I said yes, And he said, how did you
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: feel in that place? I said save? He said, where
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: were you? I said, I don't know. In the air,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: I don't know. He said, you were in my arms.
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  Speaker 1: That completely changed my.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: Body, well, completely changed my life because I had.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: No idea that in the midst of a storm, they're
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: just like there is an eye where it's safe in
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: the hurricane. In the midst of every storm in our lives,
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: we have that eye, which is the center, which is God,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: and He is always for us.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: I have the storm. So when abuse occurs within families,
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: it's not unusual for family members to support an abusa
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: rather than the person who was abused, which can put
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: the individual who experienced the abuse in a position of
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: having to choose between attending family gatherings and avoiding their abusing.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Have you avoided family gatherings to avoid your abuser.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I didn't. I've got choice. I lived with him.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: But as you got older, you know, became an adult,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: and they would have you know, maybe your family would
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: have barbecues or we or even funerals, and you know,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: they stayed.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: I stayed in my home until I was twenty seven
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: because my mother threatened that if I left my home
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: or her home without being married, I would never see
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: her again. And my mother was the love of my
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: life still is, even though she's gone twenty something years.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: Now, So I stayed in the home until I got married.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, wow. Survivors face God. They may face challenges
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: with how to reduce or eliminate contact with the abuses,
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: or they may struggle with stigma and denial. For me
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: and support networks, what challenges have you faced?
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: I felt alone a lot. My mom used to invite
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: many people to her home and they would stay with us.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Sometimes during the holidays, we would have three days four
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: days of parties in our own and no matter how
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: many people were in alone, I just felt alone because
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: I lived like in a world all by myself. I
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: was the only person and that pleas because I couldn't
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: share what I was going through, So I felt abandoned
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: and alone.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that you had to go through all
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: of that. We're going to take a commercial break right now,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: and here here is a copy of the Music Cage book.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I want you to take a good look at it.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Look at the details on the cover. When we return,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: we're going to discuss the Music Cage. So just keep
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: looking at this. Look at every little detail in this cover,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: because there's something there. I see so much. I don't
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: know where they can see me with my little thing here,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: a little point to hear. But there's just so much
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: within the cover of this book, and it drew me
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: to it. And then you had mentioned something that you
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: had written, and I got a little closer, and I
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: kept going closer, and I said, Aha, I see what
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: she's talking about. I see it. So I'm going to
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: keep it up for a minute because it's in a
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: great space between the both of us, and we're going
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: to talk about the Mudic Cage. We are back with Malagros,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: the Beauty, the Lotus and the Mutic Caves. So you
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: all had a chance to see the cover of her book.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Can you tell me what the book is about? And
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: that's what everybody. I want them to just either put
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: something in and let us know what do they think
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: that this book is about. It's called the Mutic Cage.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: So I hope you guys got a good look at it,
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: because it took me a minute to figure out just
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: the cover. And it's beautiful. It's not simple. But once
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: you get in, I ain't gonna say no more.
• 22:14
  Speaker 6: I'm not gonna say them almost hey, but you said freedom, Wow.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: The delivery of the Munic Cage is the unfeeling of malagras.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Are you delivering a message or are you peeling back
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: layers of your life?
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: It's both. I unraveled what happened to me and the
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: different stages I went through. But I also share the
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: residue of my experiences, and I look at it as
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: looking from the out side. I did not write this
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: book as a victim. I wrote this book as a
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: person who has gone through introspection and can see more
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: sights than one.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I understand that communicage is based on your life experience
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: of child abuse and sexual violence well into your adulthood.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Can you share with our viewers and listeners what overcoming
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: and trauma through forgiveness and empowerment was like.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: It was very difficult. Sometimes we say you just have
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: to forgive, forgive. There is no just to forgive. It
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: is a process and we need to understand that because
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: sometimes we can be very hard with our own selves.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: So let me see, I get forgiving, but still got angry,
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: and I think I spoke separately, and every time I
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: had a disability show up that was real in relation
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: with the abuse that I endured, I would fall back
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: into it. I really forgive these people.
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: And I had to come to the conclusion that I
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: needed to forgive myself.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Because more than the people that hurt me, nobody hurt
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: me more than I hurt myself.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Wow, And that is very hard to understand.
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: And I'm sure a lot of people who are victim, survivors, overcomeers, conquerors,
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: they might have a question on that because it's like,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: what do you mean you are your worst enemy? Well,
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: the abuse step when I was twelve, the physical abuse
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: stop when I was nineteen. I was forty, and I
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: was still living as a victim.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Who did that?
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: I did that to myself, And that is something that
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: it's hard knowledgingn't taken responsibility for.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: But at some time we need to take back the
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: power that has been taken away from us. We need
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: to take back our lives because again, God has a
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: plan and we cannot continue to live the devil's plan.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Amen. Amen. Now, there appears to be several words written
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: on the cover of your book loving to be exact,
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: and I've found those words free, fear, silence, devastation, unworthiness, deception, abandonment, secrets, shame, guilt,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: and self loathing. So you didn't see those words, go
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: purchase the book. That book is more than just its words, though,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: I guarantee you got to get this book, whether you
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: were a victim, whether you were abused, whether you were
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: the abuse, or get this book. Which one of these
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: eleven words had a positive impact on you? The lowess?
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: They all that because I had to confront each one
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: of them. Each one of them was a bar that division.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: This discover came as a vision that God gave me,
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: and it didn't have the exact bars. What it had
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: was the words created the.
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: Bars, and I had to address each one of those
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: words so that I could find freedom.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Wow, what which one was the hardest and the most
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: elusive word for you? Free?
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: To be free was the one thing that I didn't think.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: It was possible.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Because I was so.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Bound, so chained.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Fear had owned me and depression was my master for
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: so long that I didn't know freedom was possible.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: What inspired you to write the words in the cage?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: What inspired me to write those words?
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: Like I said, it was a vision, But with the
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: vision came the clarity that.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Words you health power, and when you are labeled or
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: when we labeled someone, it's like we create one of
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: those bars that is going to create this gage or
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: is going to create maybe this airplane where they can
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: go ahead and fly. So words are powerful, and these
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: words just imprisoned me.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: And people say, but they're hidden. No, they're not hidden.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: They're right there. It's just like they say, don't judge
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: a book by its cover.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: Right, the words are right there.
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: But many times, just like we see a person that
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: is struggling and suffering and we dismiss what it is
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: that they are going through because it doesn't apply to us.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: And it's the same thing. You were able to see
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: that those words were there.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: And I'm sure you can identify with some of those words,
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: but many people have seen the worst because I made
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: the picture really big, and I've asked people, can you
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: find the words? They can see them because they cannot
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: identify with what is going on.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you have to be abused in order to see
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: it up front. But I just spotted something else in
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: this in your cover. And maybe I'm wrong, but being
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: as a social worker, I'm seeing I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: wait time, make sure I get my thoughts right. I'm
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: seeing a child or a person bulled up holding themselves
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: right here. Yes, I thought that's what I saw it,
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: I said, I am I losing my mind on what
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: that's what I see. And I just realized that now
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: when I look for the words, I didn't. I didn't
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: pay attention to that. I just forgured it was just
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: something there in darkness there. But now I'm looking and
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: I'm watching this child or person holding themselves, you know,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: down the most abused children do that? Are people do that?
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: And I see that and I'm like, oh my god.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: And I'm looking at the lavender, the purple, and to me,
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: that's you know what it could be some young people
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: watching this. So I'm not gonna say what I feel
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: it though it is, but that's abuse that I'll say
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: it in a cleaner way. That's abuse of what I
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: see there. I kind of thought that. And I'm just
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: looking at different things, I guess I can. The more
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I look at the cover, the more I'm unveiling. Yes,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: you know, and it may not be something that somebody
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: else may see or would like to point out, but
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: for me, I'm just seeing so much more than just
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: your words, you know. In other words, I'm reading between
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: the lines and the lines or the bars in the cage,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: and that's what I'm seeing there.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: But and the door of the cage is open. Yeah,
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: I could have walked out at any time.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: That's what I was going to ask you. Is there
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: any significance with the cage door being open or is
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: the door supposed to be a representation of the window
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: in the minds of victims of abuse.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: It's both. Because the door is open for you to
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: look inside, and you can see what you saw. Many
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: people don't see it. It's an invitation come and see
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: what's in here. But at the same time, from the inside,
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: the door is open. But I couldn't get out. I
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: couldn't because I was imprisoned believing the illusion of all
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: these words.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: This is so powerful. Where were you reaching for when
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: you mentioned that, no matter how hard you tried, it
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: seemed to possible to reach What was it freedom?
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I couldn't. I couldn't see.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Mysel afraid and love. I believe that love was an illusion,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: and if it existed, it didn't apply to me.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I didn't think we was gonna have this kind of conversation,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: that it was gonna go this deep. So is the
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: municat a invitation to a window into the psyche or
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: an emission or admission into the window of the psyche.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Again. It's both. It is both because it is me
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: admitting my experience so that other people can find themselves
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: in my story, because I suffered different kinds of abuse.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: So I have peace of this puzzle and all those
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: pieces can be one piece that this person has gone through.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: And I was open enough to give without being graphic,
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: because I.
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: Don't like being graphic because sometimes perpetrators, predators will read
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: your work for them to continue their stuff.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: So, but it is it is to open our minds.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: I'm not the only one. There are other people. That
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: person just said that they went through this, this, this,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: it's exactly what I've been going through.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: There is nothing that makes us lonelier than when we
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: have a situation that we think no one else can
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: go through what is going through.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: And then blame.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Ourselves because if it's not happening to anybody else, I was,
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: I've done something wrong, and I to ask myself, what
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: did I do at three years old for this to
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: be happening to me?
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: Nothing at all? Nothing, And I hope everybody out there
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: realize it, understands that I don't do the me too movement.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: I say me also I'm a victim of or a
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: survivor of the me also because it happened before the
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Me Too movement, So I just say me. Also because
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: I speak about it after the Me Too movement, So
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: again I say me also. But for anyone, anyone, it
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter where you are at, whether you are the victim,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: the abuser, the parent of the victim, or the survivor.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: I have never sat with anybody that was a victim
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: or a survivor and wrote a book. And I got
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: so much just from the cover of this book, and
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: it tells just the cover tells the story. So you
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: can judge this book by its cover because it speaks volumes.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: And I'm not saying this because she's here and in
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: front of us. This just the cover. Look at it.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: It speaks volumes without turn into a turning a page.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: It just about says it all right there. It just
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: about says it all. And you would just you would
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: just have to take this book off the shelf. And
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: they shouldn't put it in the library by the spine
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: for you to see it, because all you're going to
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: do is read the Mudic cage and you may or
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: may not get much from it. But it needs to
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: be forward facing for you to see this book in bookstores,
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: not on a shelf. If it is, it needs to
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: be on the shelf by itself, because this book, just
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: like I said, just by looking at the cover of
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: this book, it's just amazing. Mona girls, the Beauty the Lotus.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I thank you so much for being a part of
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: this and sharing your journey and being so transparent. The
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: more you practice the art of thankfulness, the more you
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: must be thankful for That was Norman Vincent Peale. He
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: said that, and I say this to you. I am
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: thankful to be grateful to you. If anyone would ask
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: me to sum up this interview in one word, I
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: would say victorious, thank you the Beauty the Lotus for sharing.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: How can our listeners and viewers connect with you?
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: I am unfaithabok me lagados lotos beauty Romero.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: You hear that, say your naghborgain.
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: Me Lagado's lotos beauty Romero.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Find me on Instagram and Dick doc as lotus beauty.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: All right now on Instagram and TikTok as lotus beauty Now.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Beauty is spot differently, so spell it out for them.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: You want me to spell my whole name.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: No, just the beauty so they can get it when
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: they look for lotus beauty.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: Okay, So beauty is b e hy owe you g
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: why see and it is what it is. It says,
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: be you thank.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: You see look at her, so she's the lotus. Sexual
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: assault is a serious crime and it's known to have
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: short and long term effects on the victims and those
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: who love and care for those who love and care
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: for them. If you are a victim of sexual violence
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: seeking assistance or woul lack more information, please call the Rape,
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: Abuse and Incest Now You new network rain R a
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I in in At one eight hundred sixty five six
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: four six seven three. That is rain R a I
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: n n AT one eight hundred sixty five six four
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: six seventy three. Join us. On October fourth, we are
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: talking with B. G. Howard after eighth After Dark, Basic
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Black After Dark, All new podcast show with your host
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Black Diamond