Transcript

Molly · CelinaSpookyBoo

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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to my abridge. Yeah, I do live
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Speaker 1: in the middle of literal nowhere.
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Speaker 2: You might see some some chickens over here and some
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Speaker 2: gray skies fit the mood. I feel like I'm sitting
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Speaker 2: down every couple weeks now and having some crazy conversation
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Speaker 2: with you guys.
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Speaker 1: But the truth is I used to be embarrassed of them.
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Speaker 2: But the comments that you guys leave me in the
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Speaker 2: stories that you guys have been through have made me
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Speaker 2: so much stronger. when it comes to situations that I've
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Speaker 2: been in in my life as of lately. Today is
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Speaker 2: definitely one of the first days that I've put clothes on,
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Speaker 2: put makeup on. My birthday was like yesterday, February 20th,
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Speaker 2: which is crazy. It didn't feel like my birthday, but
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Speaker 2: I didn't care. It was chemo day for Molly. And
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Speaker 2: I guess I'm here to tell you what's been going
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Speaker 2: on there.
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Speaker 1: But I think I need to take you back to
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Speaker 1: the very beginning And try not to cry. The year
1:01
Speaker 1: was 2012.
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Speaker 2: And I was a fresh grown up. And Adam and I.
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Speaker 2: Like I was super young when I bought my first house.
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Speaker 2: And before we'd even moved in. We'd applied to adopt
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Speaker 2: this dog named Max. Who was a great Swiss Mountain dog.
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Speaker 2: He passed away in 2021.
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Speaker 1: And as soon as we got him. I loved him.
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Speaker 2: But I was a little dog person. And my whole
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Speaker 2: life I had pictured having this dog.
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Speaker 1: A little dog named Molly. Molly.
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Speaker 2: And I wanted my Molly so bad, so, so bad.
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Speaker 2: And this story sounds surreal, but it's such a beautiful story.
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Speaker 2: And it's one of the most craziest Matrix-y things that
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Speaker 2: have ever happened to me. I found this ad on Kijiji,
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Speaker 2: which is like Craigslist here in Canada.
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Speaker 1: I don't know if you have in America.
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Speaker 2: And I saw this ad and it was for a
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Speaker 2: litter of puppies. And they were Havanese Shih Tzus. My
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Speaker 2: parents had a Havanese, so I just loved the breed.
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Speaker 2: And I went through the pictures and I found a
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Speaker 2: picture and it was this little black dog with a
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Speaker 2: little bit of white on it.
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Speaker 1: And I said, that's her. I want her.
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Speaker 2: Her name was going to be Molly. She's going to
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Speaker 2: be everything. And a couple of days later, we went
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Speaker 2: to go see the puppies. And when we went, we
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Speaker 2: knocked on the door and they're like, come on in.
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Speaker 2: And One of the dogs had gotten out of like
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Speaker 2: the enclosure that they had built for them and was
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Speaker 2: barking so loud and running towards me. And I picked
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Speaker 2: up this little tiny puppy and it was Molly. And
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Speaker 2: I held her up in the air and I'm like,
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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, this is the puppy.
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Speaker 1: That I want. And she's like, and then the lady, Leanne,
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Speaker 1: who I'm so thankful for, I went, oh, that's just Molly.
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Speaker 1: So her name was already Molly. And it was the
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Speaker 1: most meant.
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Speaker 2: To be thing that I ever felt in my life.
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Speaker 1: And it's also the first time.
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Speaker 2: In my life where I ever experienced insane anxiety because
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Speaker 2: it was my first time loving something so deeply.
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Speaker 1: And I lived with this unbelievable pathological fear of her dying.
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Speaker 2: Like I, to this day, for the past 11 years,
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Speaker 2: when I wake up in the middle of the night,
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Speaker 2: I just touch her little tummy.
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Speaker 1: Just to make sure she's breathing. Like I, it's, it's unhealthy.
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Speaker 1: It's always been unhealthy.
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Speaker 2: I've never let her stay at a kennel except for once.
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Speaker 2: I've never, um, I've never really been able to be
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Speaker 2: without her. Um, I've turned down a lot of things
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Speaker 2: in my life just because I don't want to, I
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Speaker 2: don't want to be away from.
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Speaker 1: Her because in.
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Speaker 2: A way, like I could never have kids. Um, Molly's
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Speaker 2: been my, like my daughter, like that's what she was
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Speaker 2: to me. Like I've had so many dogs and I've
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Speaker 2: loved them all so much, but they say you get
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Speaker 2: one soul dog in your life.
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Speaker 1: And my soul dog has been Molly. And, um, Last week.
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Speaker 1: She got a sniffle. And she sneezed. I was like
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Speaker 1: that's weird. I've never seen a dog with a cold before.
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Speaker 1: She was still doing her kilometer.
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Speaker 2: Two kilometer walks every day with her grandma.
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Speaker 1: And um. The next day she threw up. Friday.
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Speaker 2: Which isn't out of the. Like out of realm for
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Speaker 2: little dogs. And then um Saturday morning. She didn't want
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Speaker 2: to eat. So we went to the emergency vet. And
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Speaker 2: they thought maybe it was pneumonia that maybe she aspirated
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Speaker 2: a little bit when she had thrown up or something
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Speaker 2: easy to, you know, they say all the things like cancer,
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Speaker 2: super low on our, on our list. So things just
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Speaker 2: got like worse really fast. She started having trouble breathing.
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Speaker 1: She was coughing. She wasn't being herself. She didn't want
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Speaker 1: to walk. She didn't want to eat. She didn't want
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Speaker 1: to do any of these things.
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Speaker 2: And, uh, We left the emergency vet. She stayed over
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Speaker 2: on Sunday, which I have never slept in my house
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Speaker 2: without Molly being there.
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Speaker 1: So that was insanity.
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Speaker 2: So we went and picked her up and they sent
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Speaker 2: her home, but I felt in my soul something was
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Speaker 2: not right. So we got to our vet and they said,
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Speaker 2: you need to rush her to the university, like the
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Speaker 2: vet college in Guelph, which is a bit over an
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Speaker 2: hour away.
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Speaker 1: So we got there. We had to leave her.
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Speaker 2: She got a bunch of tests done and come home.
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Speaker 2: And just call after call that we got wasn't good.
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Speaker 2: So like they were looking at her lungs and they,
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Speaker 2: cause they're like, we want someone else to look at
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Speaker 2: these x-rays cause her liver looked big. Her spleen looked
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Speaker 2: big and her lungs, what they thought was pneumonia. They're like,
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Speaker 2: we want a radiologist to look at this cause it doesn't,
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Speaker 2: it doesn't look like pneumonia to us.
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Speaker 1: At least we need someone else's opinion.
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Speaker 2: She had big lymph nodes, so they wanted to aspirate
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Speaker 2: those and send those cells off. And they wanted to
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Speaker 2: check out what was going on with her lungs. And
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Speaker 2: the first call we get is that her lungs, it
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Speaker 2: was definitely cancer. And then they called and they said
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Speaker 2: they aspirated her lymph nodes and that was cancer. And
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Speaker 2: then they did an ultrasound test.
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Speaker 1: And her liver. And her spleen. And the crazy thing
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Speaker 1: is like. She was fine last week. Like I've been
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Speaker 1: through a lot in my life.
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Speaker 3: Um.
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Speaker 2: And I've talked about Jackson before. So Jackson was a
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Speaker 2: Jack Russell of ours. And out of nowhere. He was
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Speaker 2: completely fine. And then he had a seizure. And I
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Speaker 2: felt like I never did enough for him.
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Speaker 1: Because I just. He was. He couldn't stop seizuring.
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Speaker 2: And.
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Speaker 1: We couldn't figure out what it was. So we just
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Speaker 1: put him down. And um. Max was 11. Jax was 11.
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Speaker 1: Now Molly's 11.
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Speaker 2: And the one thing in my life was I have
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Speaker 2: struggled since 2021 about Jax and like really bad. And
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Speaker 2: it's only been the last few months after going to
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Speaker 2: a therapist that I was able to finally like find
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Speaker 2: peace with Jax. And as soon as Molly turned 11,
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Speaker 2: I was like, I really believe in manifesting. And every
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Speaker 2: single night I just hold her and I say, you're
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Speaker 2: going to die an old lady. in your sleep and
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Speaker 2: you're never gonna have a sick day in your life
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Speaker 2: and I believe in manifesting so much because I believe
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Speaker 2: I am where I am in my career in my
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Speaker 2: life because I really put out into the universe what
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Speaker 2: I want and the main thing that I've ever always
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Speaker 2: wanted and I've said you can have it all just
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Speaker 2: don't ever have her live through pain don't ever have
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Speaker 2: her live through.
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Speaker 1: Any of this So Molly ended up getting diagnosed with
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Speaker 1: stage five B lymphoma. So that's pretty much like cancer everywhere.
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Speaker 2: Um, when I.
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Speaker 1: Say devastated, I'm amazed I can even talk about it now.
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Speaker 2: Um, I spent a whole week on the couch, couldn't talk,
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Speaker 2: couldn't watch TV, couldn't do anything but howl like a
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Speaker 2: dog and panic attack and throw up. And so rewind
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Speaker 2: the Tuesday before my birthday, seven days before the 20th,
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Speaker 2: we were going in to talk to the oncologist because
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Speaker 2: the doctor called the night before and the vet and
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Speaker 2: I just said to him, because this is my main thing,
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Speaker 2: I said, I need you to tell me if it's
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Speaker 2: time to let her go.
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Speaker 1: Because she's given me everything. And I refuse to be
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Speaker 1: selfish and keep her here for me.
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Speaker 2: Because the thing about Molly, if I can go somewhere
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Speaker 2: and she can come, she comes.
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Speaker 1: I love Adam.
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Speaker 2: And Adam knows I love him. It's a different kind
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Speaker 2: of love between him and Molly. But he knows that
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Speaker 2: I've never loved anything in my life the.
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Speaker 1: Way that I love her.
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Speaker 2: Which is, I don't have kids, I don't know, but like,
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Speaker 2: I feel like that's what it would, for me, it's
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Speaker 2: like my heart's outside my body, but it's just, I'm
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Speaker 2: already dealing with so much with the other aspects of
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Speaker 2: my life, and she was my one solid, and I
9:33
Speaker 2: feel like I missed something, but there were times in
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Speaker 2: my life, so back when I had my first miscarriage
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Speaker 2: in 2014, we didn't know what was going on, and
9:44
Speaker 2: Adam wanted to go on this trip with his parents
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Speaker 2: but he wanted to stay with me because I felt
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Speaker 2: like something was off but I said no like I
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Speaker 2: need you to go go with your family and um
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Speaker 2: then I found out that news and she was different
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Speaker 2: like she wouldn't get off me like she was such
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Speaker 2: a service dog like she's always been like that like
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Speaker 2: I have Meniere's disease and like she knows when I'm
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Speaker 2: about to get vertigo like she's never been trained she's
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Speaker 2: never been through anything but like I know when something's
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Speaker 2: up because she starts circling like we're so connected like
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Speaker 2: on another level like past life or something um But
10:21
Speaker 2: she was there for that. And then there was another
10:23
Speaker 2: time when I had had surgery. And again, I forced
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Speaker 2: Adam to go on this trip even though we didn't
10:28
Speaker 2: want to. And she knew something was wrong. It's not
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Speaker 2: that she's been a sickly dog, but she's dealt with pancreatitis.
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Speaker 1: And she's been on such strict diets.
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Speaker 2: And it's just crazy because I feel like I did
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Speaker 2: everything right.
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Speaker 1: Like we didn't use pesticides. We fed her the best
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Speaker 1: foods that we could for her. She went for walks.
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Speaker 1: Like she was... She is so loved.
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Speaker 2: And the reason I'm out here right now is I
10:55
Speaker 2: just don't want to have this energy around her.
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Speaker 1: Like, I know she knows I'm devastated. Like, she knows
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Speaker 1: something's wrong. But I can see her. She's on the
11:02
Speaker 1: couch staring at me. But I just don't want her
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Speaker 1: to feel this energy.
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Speaker 2: But, yeah, we went to meet with the oncologist because
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Speaker 2: the vet said just hear them out. Because in my head,
11:16
Speaker 2: you hear stage.
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Speaker 1: Five, you're like, oh, like, bye. Bye.
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Speaker 2: So we met with them and chemo in dogs is
11:25
Speaker 2: really different than chemo in people. And pretty much it's
11:33
Speaker 2: easier on them and it works well. And I said,
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Speaker 2: I'm like, do you really think she's a.
11:38
Speaker 1: Good candidate for this?
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Speaker 2: And they said, it's really like a bunch, like 70
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Speaker 2: to 90% of dogs go into remission. And some of
11:44
Speaker 2: the comments that I've read on TikTok are people like, yeah,
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Speaker 2: my dog was stage five and she'd been with me
11:48
Speaker 2: for a year. She's been with me for three years. Like,
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Speaker 2: there's these stories and I just don't want to put
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Speaker 2: her through it if it was going to hurt her.
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Speaker 2: So we started chemo that day, which was last Tuesday.
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Speaker 1: And she dealt with it really well.
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Speaker 2: And they got her on steroids and the steroids, like
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Speaker 2: she went from coughing and having a hard time breathing
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Speaker 2: to like, you wouldn't know anything's wrong.
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Speaker 1: And that almost hurts.
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Speaker 2: Cause it's like, I feel like I'm getting my hopes up,
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Speaker 2: which I need to cause I'm manifesting.
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Speaker 1: This bridge, uh, this is where I come when I
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Speaker 1: need to talk to whoever's in charge.
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Speaker 2: Just God, the universe, or my spirit guides, or just, like... Like,
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Speaker 2: I just want this to be a blip on the radar. But, um,
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Speaker 2: these two weeks she's done well with chemo. They say
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Speaker 2: the fourth week is gonna be the hardest. But right now, like,
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Speaker 2: I can't be away from her.
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Speaker 1: I can't, um.
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Speaker 1: I have so many things planned for work and I'm
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Speaker 1: just like, I can't. Like, what do you do?
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Speaker 2: The hardest part is like, I don't know if we
13:03
Speaker 2: have a week or a month or three months or
13:06
Speaker 2: a year or three years. Like there's no time clock.
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Speaker 2: And Adam has been a rock through this. And he
13:14
Speaker 2: had such a weird way of looking at it, which now,
13:16
Speaker 2: like at first I was mad at, but I appreciate.
13:19
Speaker 2: He's like, it's not good that this happened. But at
13:21
Speaker 2: least we know there's something. So we can appreciate time
13:23
Speaker 2: so much more. Because with Jackson we didn't know.
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Speaker 1: And we're doing. Everything that we can. Like everything. They
13:38
Speaker 1: say the fourth week of chemo is. Going to be
13:40
Speaker 1: the hardest.
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Speaker 2: Which for us will be the first week of March.
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Speaker 1: And I'm just like. They say a lot of dogs
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Speaker 1: tolerate it well. So I'm just saying like. She's going
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Speaker 1: to tolerate it well. And it worked. And she's good.
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Speaker 2: Because she's 11. And I just thought, in my head,
14:02
Speaker 2: I didn't let myself even think about it. Other than
14:05
Speaker 2: the fact that she'll be 15. And she'll go to bed.
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Speaker 2: And she just won't wake up one day. Because that's
14:10
Speaker 2: the only way I will be able to handle this.
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Speaker 2: And I know there's going to be comments talking about
14:15
Speaker 2: all the things that are going on in the world.
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Speaker 2: And I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry for all
14:24
Speaker 2: of that, but I can't even watch stuff about stuff.
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Speaker 1: Going on in the world. I feel like that's why
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Speaker 1: I'm out in the country and I'm in the middle
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Speaker 1: of nowhere because I can't handle knowing and people want
14:44
Speaker 1: opinions and it's like, I can't.
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Speaker 2: I think what I'm asking is if you have a
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Speaker 2: miracle that goes along the lines of what we're going through,
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Speaker 2: can you tell me?
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Speaker 1: And can you think of her? And if you pray,
15:11
Speaker 1: can you pray for her? And I just.
15:18
Speaker 2: Want to thank you guys for sticking around because my
15:19
Speaker 2: friends have really been there for me. Chris has really
15:22
Speaker 2: been there for me. Sam and Colby have reached out,
15:26
Speaker 2: which was really nice. A lot of friends have reached out.
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Speaker 1: The manager, everybody has. Everybody's been really good.
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Speaker 3: Because, like, I feel paralyzed. I feel like any time
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Speaker 3: I walk away from her, even if I go to
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Speaker 3: the bathroom, like, she's always with me. I know she's
15:44
Speaker 3: not following me. Like, for 11 years, she's been on
15:48
Speaker 3: my feet. She's the only one left from the original three.
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Speaker 3: I always knew it wasn't forever. I always knew it
15:59
Speaker 3: wasn't forever. That's not logical.
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Speaker 2: Eleven seems really young for a little happiness.
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Speaker 1: I just wish the whole world knew her. I wish.
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Speaker 2: Everybody got to meet her and pet her. Today we
16:21
Speaker 2: went for our first little walk and she did good.
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Speaker 1: It's crazy because she's my dog. But she's been the
16:38
Speaker 1: greatest gift of my life.
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Speaker 2: And even if it's not for a long time, however
16:46
Speaker 2: long she has, I just.
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Speaker 1: I want her to be happy and comfortable. That's her barking.
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Speaker 1: I love you. Thank you for putting up with my
17:07
Speaker 1: many sad videos. Hopefully they're over soon and it's all
17:16
Speaker 1: good things because I try to put good in the world.
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Speaker 1: Not to get it back. But just to hope life
17:25
Speaker 1: flows a little bit smoother. I love you guys. Tomorrow
17:32
Speaker 1: is always a new day.
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Speaker 3: Bye.
17:38
Speaker 1: It's giving health. Isn't it, Mochiken? It's giving cancer who?
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Speaker 2: No? Oh. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I said cancer who. We shitted on that cancer. Are we?
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Speaker 1: Big poo. Cancer who? Big poo.
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Speaker 2: Big poo.
17:50
Speaker 1: Cancer who? Big Pooh, Cancer Who. Good morning, good morning. Good, good, good, good, good,
17:58
Speaker 1: good morning. Good morning to you.