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Transcript

How to Set Healthy Boundaries · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: I am so pleased and thankful that you've decided to take some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: So if it's morning, afternoon, or evening, whatever time of day it is, I just appreciate you and appreciate you taking these few minutes to spend with me.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And today I wanted to talk about the importance of boundaries.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: The concept and just the term boundaries has come up very often recently in my client sessions and the need for being able to set clear and healthy boundaries.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: The reason being is uh as we'll dive into here in just a minute, there are so many benefits to setting boundaries, but a lot of people are scared to set boundaries because they're afraid of the conflict that may arise.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's sort of dive into this a little bit.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get clear on what boundaries are, the types of boundaries, and just really talk about the purpose of why and how they can actually be beneficial to our life.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: So boundaries really do just involve clear borders between yourself and other people.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's it can be physical space as well as emotional space.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: What that does and being able to have those clear boundaries is it really allows you to establish your own identity, to differentiate your own individuality, and for you to really decide and be able to be clear on what your intentions and goals are and where you're headed.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times when we don't have healthy boundaries, we start taking on other people's quote unquote stuff.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So boundaries can be physical as well as emotional and psychological.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, setting boundaries does have a lot of healthy benefits because it really does create the space for us to protect ourselves on an emotional level in order to have space for our own mental health.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really important that we are able to create that space for ourselves and it it allows for um each individual to create the space also to just protect their own individuality, which is so important.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: As I've said and I continue to say, the relationship with self is the most important relationship you will ever have.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So healthy boundaries you know really does contribute to a range of improvements in your in your mental health as well as in your relationships and overall well-being.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Truthfully, um, when we have those those those specific set boundaries, we're able to actually create better communication with others.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: We do have greater protection of our rights, we have improved self-awareness.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: It actually decreases resentment and anger because oftentimes when we don't have really healthy boundaries with others and we start taking on their stuff, it does end up taking us down this road of resentment, which leads to anger.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it helps reduce that.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: It also helps reduce with stress.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it it when normally what happens when I bring this up in conversation, the initial knee-jerk reaction is, oh my gosh, but this will create conflict if I set a boundary with you know this person in my life.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: While it is true that when you first start putting boundaries in place when they haven't been there, it might be uncomfortable and there might be a little bit of conflict.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day, when the boundaries are actually set and honored and respected, in essence, the amount of conflict gets reduced because once they, once the boundaries are clear and both people in a relationship are able to respect the boundary, there's no more conflict to be had.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's no more uh blurred lines, if you will.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries also just allow for more self-compassion, the the ability to create that sense of safety.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it really does lead to these improved relationships.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so the different ways that we think about boundaries, there can be personal boundaries, which are um the boundary around just being compassionate to yourself.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Self-compassion, kindness, being able to um just create this space around you where you don't allow in the judgments.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And they can be, and this can even be a personal boundary with yourself, right?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: With that in inner critic that wants to constantly tell you and judge you, you know, on the things that you've done.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's creating that boundary within yourself.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it, you know, having those personal boundaries enables you to create that space to identify what your feelings and needs are, and then from that place be able to set clear, clear goals and intentions for yourself.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: When you have personal boundaries and you're able to somewhat create that space away from the inner critic, you're able to practice mindfulness.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: You learn to actually be more assertive, and you're able to really talk to yourself in a healthier way when you're able to create that personal boundary from that inner critic that constantly wants to nip away at you.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Emotional boundaries are more about creating space between you and others from that emotional perspective.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of times this comes up in relationship with others.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not just romantic partners, it can be with parents, it can be with friends, it can be with other people that you may know, but it's how we create that space between us and the others.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: When we don't have those emotional boundaries and we start taking on the emotions of others, a lot of times we can feel drained or overwhelmed.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And this this does come up a lot in narcissistic relationships where if you're in a relationship with somebody where it's toxic, you consistently have their emotions or their feelings intrude on you and yourself.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: It can start to lead to your own uh self-doubt, that lack of self-respect.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that can just be really emotionally and mentally draining.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just really important for us as individuals to create that emotional boundary space where we're able to recognize what is someone else's stuff, what is someone else's energy versus our own, as well as just being able to recognize that we do not have to say yes to everything.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: We can set a boundary where we allow ourselves permission to say no without guilt.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, in that sense, it's this emotional boundary of not allowing the idea of guilt or shame to come in when we choose not to do something or we choose to say no instead of yes.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, digital boundaries are all about how we can create space from ourselves and technology.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times we don't even think about this one, right, as a boundary issue.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: But when you when we really dive into it and unpack it, we realize that we're constantly attached to our phones, you know, and so a lot of times we're getting pinged and and and noises are going off and notifications are going off.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of um, there's actually research showing a strong link between too much exposure to digital media and our and our mental health as as a whole, and that nonstop connectivity that doesn't allow us ever to shut off.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, really allowing that space to set those boundaries between us and our digital, um, our digital connection is really something that would be of benefit to our mental health and allow for us to just kind of turn off for a little while.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And not to mention creating that boundary between the social, the social pressure that comes from the the digital stuff as well, right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: That social media pressure, creating that boundary from that and having that detox, that digital detox can actually increase benefit our mood and increase our well-being.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: So setting boundaries just around how much time we're on our technology, our technical, our digital devices, as well as being on social media is really important.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then of course, there's work boundaries.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times, those of us who are high achievers will constantly, and again, this is somewhat tied into the the digital boundaries that we need to set, but you know, a lot of things come up in the workplace, and we sometimes have a really hard time creating boundaries and allowing our coworkers or our managers to, you know, kind of know when we're turning off for the day.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: So really setting boundaries between, you know, when we're at home and we're in our personal life versus when we're when we're at work.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's really important to be able to do that because if we don't have those boundaries with work and we never actually get to turn off, eventually that high level of stress or just the interpersonal conflicts, as well as just never being able, once again, to turn off creates this burnout effect.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just really important to be able to create the boundaries even with our workplace.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And one last thing that I wanted to say on boundaries as a wrap-up is a lot of times people are worried about setting boundaries because they think that it's this wall that they're putting up.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the analogy that I use for boundaries more of a fence.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a wall where we can't see the other side, it's a fence that we can look through.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: We can shift it if we need to, but it is still important to give us the um outline of where we want to be versus what other things might be out there that we don't want to allow into our space.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is we have a choice.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to allow everything into our space, we don't have to take it all on.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you are struggling with something like boundaries or just, you know, want to talk it through, feel free to reach out to me at any time.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood and I look forward to talking to you soon.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Take care.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.