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International Men's Day · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Dropped another.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: What's up? What's up? What's up? Y'all already know who
• 0:43
  it is. It is your girl, Ashley, your favorite Bible
• 0:47
  fool girl, bringing you another beautiful episode of Black Girls.
• 0:52
  Wrock the podcast. I had to say a small prayer
• 0:57
  before I logged on for tonight because tonight the conversations
• 1:03
  are gonna get a little heavy. Today is national I'm sorry,
• 1:08
  Today is International Men's Day. Today I'm discussing all things
• 1:12
  about men. Conversations are again are gonna get very heavy tonight. Tonight,
• 1:19
  I'm gonna be discussing mental health and men, domestic violence
• 1:23
  and men, sexual abuse and men and where we as
• 1:30
  mothers have come up short. So anyone that is new
• 1:34
  to Black Girl, interrupt the podcast. Before I even jump
• 1:37
  into tonight's conversation, I love to play something inspirational, empowering, uplifting,
• 1:44
  because I want y'all to know that I care, that
• 1:47
  I love you, regardless of what the world says about you.
• 1:51
  Ashley loves you. So before we get into tonight's conversation,
• 1:55
  let me give you a little some inspiration and then
• 1:57
  we're gonna jump right on in.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: If the Lion is the King of the Jungle, how
• 2:09
  can he be the king of the jungle if he's
• 2:12
  not the biggest. The elephant is probably one of the biggest.
• 2:18
  He can't be the fastest because that's a Cheatah, he
• 2:22
  can't be the smartest. So he's not the biggest, the fastest,
• 2:26
  or the smartest. So how does the lion become the
• 2:31
  king of the jungle? It's mentality. That's the only difference
• 2:38
  of a lion and an elephant. When a lion walks
• 2:42
  up and sees an elephant, he thinks lunch. An elephant
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  thanks running. And it's the whole mentality because when a
• 2:52
  male lion walks up, he may be out numbered by
• 2:55
  a pack of hyenas. But I'm king of my jungle
• 3:00
  because of my mentality.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: What happens when you're Gazel.
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: And you're not being pushed, you're not being proud of,
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  You're not giving it a reward, nobody's encouraging you.
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  Speaker 6: What happens when you are Gazel and the lion's not
• 3:12
  chasing anymore.
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  Speaker 3: You stop running.
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  Speaker 7: But what happens when you're a lion. When you are
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  a lion, it does not make a difference. You realize
• 3:21
  that if your family is going to eat that if
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  that pack of lions is to survive.
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  Speaker 4: Then you gotta go hunt. A part of being a
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  beast just ain't eating a gazelle.
• 3:32
  Speaker 7: A part of being a beast is the hunts.
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  Speaker 5: It's the hunt that they're excited about. They like to
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  see the gazelles run to poove, they take off because
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  real lions like to hunt. They love the process just
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  as much as they love the prize. And some of
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  y'all just want to score. You don't like the process.
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  You're not in love with the process.
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  Speaker 7: A true hunter's Oh, it's not the prize. A true
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  hunter's go it's to hunt.
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  Speaker 2: That's what they live for.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: They live to hunts.
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  Speaker 8: They don't just lamp to catch it.
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  Speaker 3: It's the whole process.
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  Speaker 7: When you are a true.
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  Speaker 8: Hunter, you don't go by time.
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  Speaker 3: You'll go by to gazelle.
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  Speaker 8: When you are a true hunter, you hunt until you
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  get a gazelle, and you don't stop until you get one,
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  and then you get another, and then you get another.
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  Speaker 3: And you get another.
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  Speaker 7: If you're gonna do what you say you're gonna do,
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  be what you say you're.
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  Speaker 8: Gonna be, you're gonna have to lie in me out you.
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  Speaker 7: Will gazel you're gonna come up short.
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  Speaker 8: You will gazere, You're gonna have an average experience.
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  Speaker 3: You're a student that needs you. In Lion mode. You're
• 4:28
  an entrepreneur. I need you in lion mode.
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  Speaker 8: You trying to lose weight Lion mode. You can't do
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  nothing significant.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: In Gazel mode.
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  Speaker 8: Nothing, nothing impressive happens in Gazel mode. Nothing happened in
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  run mode, give up mode, quit mode, scared mode, fearful more,
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  nothing happened. Everything happened in lion mode, like I'm coming
• 4:46
  to get you.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: All right, all right?
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  Speaker 9: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: I definitely needed that little pick me up today because
• 5:15
  again I had to pray over this conversation that we're
• 5:17
  gonna have tonight. I really had to. This is a
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  much needed compan These are much needed conversations. But tonight,
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  again we're celebrating our fellas. Today is International Men's Day,
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  so we're discussing all things men, ladies. I don't mind
• 5:35
  your tuning in, but tonight this is about the men.
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  I always hold spaces for ladies, But tonight I'm talking
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  to my fellas because my fellas, they don't hear it
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  enough that we appreciate them. They don't hear that we
• 5:49
  love them that we see them, we respect them. You
• 5:52
  understand you always see, oh, well men, ain't this? Men
• 5:55
  ain't that. No, we're not doing that tonight. So I'm
• 5:59
  telling you women, if you are coming here to be negative,
• 6:03
  I would like for you to go ahead and excess
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  stage left because y'all know how I get down on
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  Black Girl interrupt that podcast. I'm asking God just to
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  carry me through this episode tonight because you fellas. I
• 6:23
  know you don't hear it a lot, but you mean
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  everything to me. I know the world says black men,
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  ain't this, black man, ain't that? But to me, you're everything.
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  When I see a black man walk into the room,
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  I see strength, I see greatness, I see something beautiful.
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  But on the flip side, I see the pain. I
• 6:49
  see the hurt. I see the trauma that you carry,
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  that people have endured and placed upon you, and you
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  were forced to carry this. I know you guys heard
• 7:01
  old men or they shouldn't feel anything, they should be strong,
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  but they're human first before anything. I promise I'm gonna
• 7:13
  keep it together tonight. I promise, but I can't guarantee.
• 7:16
  I'm a promise, but I can't guarantee. Oh that go
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  my girl. Hey Myra, it's good to see you. I'm
• 7:22
  glad you're here. I hope you enjoy tonight's conversation because
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  I am gonna be addressing some things that we mothers
• 7:30
  have done to fail our boys. So yeah, it's gonna
• 7:36
  get real tonight again. I'm talking all things men, domestic violence.
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  Men are domestic violence survivors. Men have been sexually abused,
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  men have been their mental health. They don't have the
• 7:51
  beautiful spaces to come in and talk without being judged,
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  without being told, Oh, you're sassy or you shouldn't feel
• 7:58
  that way. Over here, let me tell you some baby,
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  you feel however you feel, because at the end of
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  the day, again, like I said, you're human first, so
• 8:08
  you're entitled to those feelings. You're entitled to those emotions men,
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  And let me tell you something that doesn't make you weak.
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  If you're a sad baby, be sad. If you're angry,
• 8:17
  you're mad, you upset, you're happy. You got every right
• 8:20
  to feel that, regardless of what the world says. Ashley
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  says different. I don't care what they say. I'm here
• 8:29
  to change the trajectory. I'm here to apologize, I'm here
• 8:32
  to take accountability for where I feeled my son. M
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  Let me let that, let me let that marinate a
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  little bit, because again, I'm a mother of a black man,
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  and I failed my son. I feeled it. I didn't
• 8:55
  show up for him like I was supposed to. And
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  you have a lot of men out here that are
• 9:00
  carrying that because moms didn't show up. Moms made them
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  the man at the house when dad left. A lot
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  of men didn't get to enjoy being children because they
• 9:12
  were forced at twelve, thirteen, fourteen years old to take
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  on the responsibility of a man and they didn't have
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  the emotional capacity to do just that. So I see
• 9:22
  a lot of my fellows carry this pain, they carry
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  this trauma. And then I see the ones that when
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  they have children, they show up their present for their children,
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  for their sons, for their daughters, but they don't want
• 9:36
  the world to see that. They want the world to
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  see the black man as a he's a gangster, he's
• 9:41
  a robber, he's a steeler, he's a thug. No baby,
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  because I know some positive black men that are doctors,
• 9:51
  that are lawyers, police officers, firefighters, that are doing phenomenal
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  things in this world. I be damn if I continue
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  to let that continue, I'm not We're changing the dynamic
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  on that. Hey, big brother, Good to see you, Good
• 10:09
  to see you. Good to see y'all. Hope you're feeling
• 10:12
  lovely today. I hope you had a beautiful, amazing day.
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  We're halfway through the week, so I hope the week
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  has been good for you. I hope whatever it is
• 10:20
  that you praise for, I hope your blessings continue to
• 10:22
  overflow abundantly because you deserve that. I'm gonna keep it
• 10:29
  together tonight, I promise y'all. I'm gonna keep it together.
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  But I'm telling y'all when it comes to me talking
• 10:34
  about my men, y'all hold a soft spot in my heart.
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  You understand, y'all hold a beautiful space in my heart,
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  and I just want to pour into y'all tonight. I
• 10:42
  want to love on y'all. I want to empower you.
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  I want to encourage you. I want to uplift you.
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  I want you to know that whatever they say, I'm
• 10:50
  gonna tell you differently because I love you, because I
• 10:53
  know who you are. I know y'all are winners. This
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  is who y'all are. So Tonight's show It's dedicated to
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  every man who carries strength with silence. This is who,
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  this is for, This is for y'all. I want the
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  world to see y'all differently. I want the world to
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  know that y'all look beautiful. Y'all are everything. I think.
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  Y'all are amazing. I don't care what you've done in
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  your past. I don't care what you do, but just
• 11:31
  just be you. Don't ever change regardless. My brother says,
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  it's been a good week since, and thank you. I
• 11:38
  received all the prayers. I love you.
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  Speaker 10: I love you back. I love you back. And if
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  no one let me tell you, black man, if no
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  one has told you today, I love you and I'm
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  proud of you, and I'm rooting for you. I may
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  not say it out loud, but you're gonna hear it tonight.
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  I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops. I'm proud of you.
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  Speaker 2: I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I
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  understand you. No, I'm not a man, but I'm a
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  human just like you. So I want you to be
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  the best that you could be. Stop worrying about how
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  you start. Just worry about how you're gonna finish, because
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  you are greatness. You are destined for greatness. I know
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  I know, baby, I know you fell down. I know
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  you felt like the world gave up on you. I
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  know it. But I'm not giving up on you. So
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  this is what tonight's show is about. Wow again, this
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  show is dedicated to every man who carries strength with silence.
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  So we're gonna go ahead and we're gonna jump right
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  on into it. Yes, I'm ripping a band aid off
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  because we gotta have this conversation again. Everyone that's tuning in,
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  Thank y'all for tuning in again to another episode. A
• 12:53
  black girl interrupted, y'all know it's your girl, ash, your
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  favorite five before girl, I'm bringing y'all. We are celebrating
• 13:00
  International Men's Day. And this was something I never even
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  knew existed until I really started to pay attention to men,
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  until I started to listen to men and hear their cries.
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  You know that they don't say out loud, their actions,
• 13:16
  their demeanor. So I want to pour into you so
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  before we jump. So while we get into this, the
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  first topic for tonight is men and domestic violence. Keep
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  your hands to yourself, ladies. I'm gonna go ahead and
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  see it. Men, are domestic abuse survivors. Also, men don't
• 13:40
  report it because they're not taking seriously. I remember a
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  couple of years ago I spoke about this topic, and
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  some of the comments that I saw were so disgusting
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  to me, because how dare you women, lady, child, girl,
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  whatever you want me to call you. How dare you
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  ridicule men that are domestic abuse survivors or men that
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  are in domestic violence relationships? How dare you? How dare
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  you not extend the same grace to them that you
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  want the world to extend to you. Every one in
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  five men men is in a domestic abuse relationship. They
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  don't talk about it. They're embarrassed because again, the world
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  has told men, you're not supposed to feel that, you're
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  supposed to carry that you're strong, you a man, Nah baby.
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  Men are now getting tired of carrying that load. Men
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  are now speaking out, and the men that are speaking out,
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  you women are calling them sassy. Oh he's so sassy.
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  M M. Well, let me say this to you women,
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  to the women that think that way. Let me let
• 14:57
  me correct myself to the women that think that way.
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  I'm gonna pray for your spirit. I'm gonna pray that
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  God removes that envious and hateful spirit out of your heart,
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  because again, you have men that are suffering right now.
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  There are men right now in a domestic violence relationship.
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  Men women coming home and you're hitting on your man,
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  you're pushing him, you're slapping him. And abuse doesn't always
• 15:22
  have to be physical. I've heard how some of you
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  women talk to men or you ain't this, you sorry,
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  you broke you this, And this was coming from me.
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  I used to say those very same things to men
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  because I had daddy issues. So I projected my trauma
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  on the men because of what my father did to me.
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  So no, I didn't give men respect. I wanted to
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  stand taught or told with men and no, I can't
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  beat no man up. That was me, that was my
• 16:00
  thought process, that was my mentality was I was masculine
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  until I became a DV survivor. So to you men,
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  you don't deserve that. I need you men to start
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  knowing your worth. I need you men to start knowing
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  how valuable you really truly are. I need you men
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  to know how much the world needs y'all. You can't
• 16:29
  have woman without man. Somebody better say hello, somebody better say,
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  ain't man, because you can't have man. You can't have
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  one man without a man. You understand, the man is
• 16:43
  supposed to lead, the man is the head. But some
• 16:46
  of you women, because you want to know what a
• 16:48
  pant is and the boxers, you misconstrue what submission really
• 16:54
  truly means. Y'all misconstrue that you're supposed to allow that
• 17:02
  man to lead you. You're supposed to allow that man
• 17:05
  to be a man. Stop taking it from it because
• 17:08
  you possessed not ape art to be a man. And
• 17:12
  I said that, and I'm standing on that, and I
• 17:15
  don't care who don't like it. But again, tonight, it's
• 17:20
  about my men. It's about my fella's baby. I'm celebrating
• 17:23
  y'all tonight. We're getting in them into the into the
• 17:27
  the brink of it, babe. We're getting into the meat
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  and potatoes of it. Because I owe y'all, I owe y'all,
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  I owe y'all this, y'all deserve this. So my sister says,
• 17:45
  mental and emotional abuse hits hard words, cut deep. You
• 17:51
  know what says. Let me tell you, I remember when
• 17:54
  my son and my daughter they were they were young,
• 17:58
  and this was when I was in my evil phase.
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  You understand, this was when when I was in my
• 18:02
  phase that I wanted everybody to heard. I was projecting
• 18:05
  my triuma, own my son, my children, and I remember
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  I told my son, I wish I never would have
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  had you. This is what I told my son, y'all.
• 18:17
  I told him that I made my son feel less than.
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  Speaker 11: That's what I did to him. We had a very
• 18:31
  strange relationship because I couldn't be present for them, because
• 18:37
  I couldn't be present for me. So my son didn't
• 18:41
  get the best version of me. But I want you
• 18:44
  fellas to know some of us mothers we didn't know.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: We didn't know how to channel our we didn't know
• 18:53
  how to balance our emotions. So we would project what
• 18:57
  they say, heard people, heard people. That's what we did,
• 19:02
  and I made my son feel less than. I remember
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  that was once upon a time my son didn't like
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  black women because of me. I caused that. Again, domestic
• 19:15
  violence is not always physical. It could be emotional. It
• 19:19
  could be verbal. Stop telling that man he ain't shit.
• 19:23
  Stop telling him that because your daddy wasn't shit. My
• 19:29
  sister nat Say preached Sissy, stop telling that man that.
• 19:34
  Stop believing that man. Stop embarrassing that man. Stop getting
• 19:37
  out in public disrespecting that man. Because I've seen you
• 19:46
  ladies do it, and I've seen the women behind you
• 19:48
  that be hyping you up. Yes, sus girl, you better
• 19:52
  tell him. And then you wonder why you ain't got
• 19:54
  no man. Then you wonder why you're sitting on a
• 19:56
  sofa by yourself, peddling through dayton sights, Because don't no
• 20:04
  man want to deal with you and your foolishness. Don't
• 20:07
  no man want to be with no woman that belittles
• 20:09
  and brats him and makes him feel less than. No
• 20:12
  man wants a woman that takes his pride. Don't no
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  man want no woman like that? No man wants a
• 20:23
  woman like that mama, unless they mama was a good one.
• 20:27
  Let me say that, let me correct myself. But it's
• 20:30
  a lot of us mamas that failed our sons. It's
• 20:34
  a lot of our mamas that had our sons and
• 20:37
  situations that they didn't have no business being in. It's
• 20:40
  us mamas that made our children witness us be in
• 20:43
  abusive relationships. So guess what your son thought that was normal?
• 20:46
  He normalized that, So now your son is an abuser
• 20:53
  I know y'all gonna say, oh, she up pig me
• 20:55
  or she putting down men. You can call me whatever
• 20:57
  you want. But y'all don't like the truth. That's the
• 20:59
  pride problem, see, because your homegirls be hyping you up
• 21:03
  and be telling you everything that you're doing this girl,
• 21:06
  Yes he deserves it, No he don't. The same week
• 21:10
  the same way, you don't deserve to be abused. That
• 21:12
  man doesn't either. And we learn this behavior from my grandmother's,
• 21:18
  from my anties because they told us, oh, we don't
• 21:23
  need no man. You better do this and don't depend
• 21:26
  on no man. Okay, So when you need your time,
• 21:29
  and change who you're calling, because remember you don't need
• 21:32
  no man. Remember that you don't need one. We were
• 21:38
  built to be companions, you understand. We were built up
• 21:41
  be that weight to grow with somebody, to love and
• 21:47
  nurture and receive that in return. And y'all just don't
• 21:54
  even understand. My brother say facts. My brother say facts.
• 22:03
  So we're going to keep the conversation rolling. Here we go,
• 22:06
  like like I say, tonight, we're talking about domestic violence.
• 22:10
  And I got a little clit for y'all. If y'all
• 22:13
  don't think If y'all don't believe it. In men are
• 22:15
  domestic abuse of virus, here's a little bit of proof
• 22:17
  for you.
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: Domestic violence there's a growing problem in Georgia.
• 22:23
  Speaker 12: An advocates say the victims aren't just women and children, and.
• 22:26
  Speaker 13: New report released today suggests men are being victimized and
• 22:29
  a lot more than we think. Fox o's Brian Hill
• 22:32
  has a look at the new study from the Georgia
• 22:34
  Commission on Family Violence.
• 22:38
  Speaker 14: The twenty page report is the state agency's first study
• 22:41
  focusing on male victims of family or domestic violence. The
• 22:45
  Georgia Commission on Family Violence hopes this study will help
• 22:48
  educate law enforcement and other community stakeholders about the challenges
• 22:53
  men face and why there are assaults often fall through the cracks.
• 22:57
  Speaker 15: The belief that the domestic violence organizations and shelters and
• 23:02
  safe houses out there, I believe among males is that
• 23:05
  they aren't there to service them.
• 23:07
  Speaker 14: The Georgia Commission on Family Violences graph here shows the
• 23:10
  data collected from twenty sixteen to twenty twenty. While women
• 23:13
  make up the majority of family violence victims, the report
• 23:16
  found that men account for thirty percent.
• 23:19
  Speaker 15: We have to as a society give men the space
• 23:23
  to admit that they are victims.
• 23:24
  Speaker 14: The Commission's research identify two hundred and fifty six thousand
• 23:27
  reported family violence incidents over a four year period. According
• 23:31
  to the report, one in ten men experienced stalking, sexual
• 23:34
  and or physical violence by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
• 23:39
  Speaker 15: When it's a female who is the abuser, the natural inclination,
• 23:44
  I think may be to assume that he can handle himself.
• 23:48
  Speaker 14: The agency believes the number of male victimization is much
• 23:51
  higher and isn't reported primarily due to social norms around
• 23:55
  gender roles, the idea of disbelief by law enforcement and
• 23:58
  other stakeholders, and if we're seeing lack of services for men, if.
• 24:02
  Speaker 15: There is a male identified at the scene who is
• 24:04
  a victim, I think there is an unconscious bias so
• 24:07
  men may not get referrals at the scene for services.
• 24:10
  Speaker 14: The report says that all victims experience barriers to reporting
• 24:14
  their abuse and getting support. However, they say male victims
• 24:17
  faced barriers that are intensified by socially normalized perceptions of
• 24:21
  men as perpetrators of violence. The Commission's goal for this
• 24:25
  report is to create awareness and improve responsiveness and accessibility
• 24:29
  to services for anyone in this struggle.
• 24:32
  Speaker 15: Without adequate services, we risk more lives being lost.
• 24:37
  Speaker 14: The Commission now plans to examine other special populations, like
• 24:40
  immigrant and LGBTQ communities, who've also been less represented in
• 24:45
  conversations about this issue. Brian Hill Fox five News.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Let's let that sulk in for just a moment, because
• 25:00
  some people didn't believe that this was a thing. Some
• 25:03
  people didn't believe it or understand. How can a man
• 25:07
  be in a domestic violence relationship? Easy? Because I've seen
• 25:11
  you women slap these men in public. I've seen the
• 25:14
  way you berated these men in public. I see the
• 25:17
  way you women break men on social media. Y'all get
• 25:23
  on here and you got a bunch of silly females
• 25:26
  behind you hyping you up as you berated and belittle
• 25:29
  this man, and then you wonder why he don't talk
• 25:33
  to you, because we, as women, we could be very
• 25:37
  evil and vindictive. See what we have done is a
• 25:42
  man will believe we are his safe space because we're
• 25:45
  supposed to. Because when a man is out there in
• 25:48
  the world and he's fighting the world, because number one,
• 25:50
  he's black and he's a man in America, so he's
• 25:53
  already dealing with enough. So do you think that man
• 25:55
  wants to come home and listen to you? Ya ya
• 25:57
  ya ya ya all day girl, shut up something, be quiet,
• 26:04
  Relax a little bit, baby. It's cool, but men can't
• 26:09
  get comfortable with us because we've weaponized what they taught
• 26:13
  us against them. You had a man open up to you.
• 26:19
  Everything is good, but then mad day rolls around and
• 26:22
  you know what you doing. Yeah, that's why your cousin
• 26:25
  was touching on you when you was a child. Baby.
• 26:31
  I had to throw that braid back. And I say
• 26:35
  that because I was one step woman. Yes, your cute
• 26:41
  little frecking face friend was that woman that used to
• 26:45
  break men the very same way we see done on
• 26:49
  social media, the way we see in our families, the
• 26:52
  way we see other relationships or other couples. Yes, yes, yes,
• 27:06
  we see that. So I want my fellows to know
• 27:12
  that tonight I hear you. I pray that you heal
• 27:18
  from the things that you don't speak of. I pray
• 27:21
  that when you walk away tonight, or when you leave
• 27:23
  here tonight, that you go to sleep a little lighter,
• 27:26
  that your notice a little lighter. I pray that when
• 27:29
  you wake up in the morning, you can finally relax,
• 27:33
  you can uncleanch your joke. This is what I want
• 27:37
  my men to take away from this conversation tonight. I
• 27:42
  want my men to know not all women are like that.
• 27:49
  I want my fellows to know that there are some
• 27:50
  women that do walk with you. We hold your hand, baby,
• 27:55
  we cry with you, we rejoice with you. There are
• 27:59
  still some beautiful for women out here in the world
• 28:01
  that will do just that with you. But then you
• 28:04
  gotta remember there are still some bitter betties out here
• 28:09
  that are still dealing from their own emotion or trauma
• 28:11
  that maybe their mother or their father inflicted on them,
• 28:14
  so they're coming to project it on you. Some people
• 28:24
  don't want to unlearn those unhealthy behaviors. Some people don't.
• 28:32
  Speaker 16: I get it.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: While some of my men shut down because they've been hurt.
• 28:40
  They think back to what they mama did, or what
• 28:42
  their grandmother did, or what they ain't he did, or
• 28:44
  what a cousin did or what a sister did. I
• 28:47
  get it again. I'm not a man, but I'm human
• 28:53
  and I have those same feelings. I have those same
• 28:55
  emotions as you. But tonight, I just want you to
• 29:02
  know you got a friend in me. I just had
• 29:08
  to light and the load you got a friend in me.
• 29:11
  I just had to say that I love toys, soy y'all,
• 29:13
  don't don't, don't hate. I just had to light to
• 29:16
  move a little bit because sometimes I do get a
• 29:18
  little heavy, and sometimes I gotta throw a little joke in,
• 29:21
  little joky joke, just a little something something. Hey, sus
• 29:26
  I see your babe. Good to see you. Welcome in.
• 29:30
  I know. Mello Yella says, not at all. We value you,
• 29:33
  we uplift you, we appreciate you, and most importantly, we
• 29:36
  love you. We love you. My brother Nutty P says
• 29:42
  they don't want to take accountability for their actions because
• 29:44
  they don't feel like they've done anything wrong. Of course,
• 29:47
  because you have someone that's cold signing the foolery that
• 29:51
  they do. You have someone behind them that's gassing them up,
• 29:54
  that's putting a battery in their back and telling them, girl, yeah,
• 29:57
  tell them girl, you better let them know who you are, okay.
• 30:03
  And that same woman that's hyping you up in a bag,
• 30:08
  it's going home snuggling with her husband right now. Some
• 30:15
  of you women, some of y'all really make me sick.
• 30:19
  I'm just gonna go and see some of y'all really do.
• 30:22
  Y'all discussed me with your behavior. I remember going again,
• 30:30
  y'all welcome to I see some new people tuning in.
• 30:33
  Thank y'all for tuning in again. Y'all walcome back. My
• 30:36
  name is Ashley. I am the creator of Black Girl
• 30:39
  Interrupted podcast. This is a space for all of us,
• 30:42
  not just women, but from our fellas too. This is
• 30:44
  a safe space. Tonight we're discussing international men's thak So
• 30:49
  tonight is all things men. I'm getting into the meat
• 30:53
  and potatoes of things that men go through. Right now.
• 30:58
  We're talking about men and domestic violence. Keep your hands
• 31:01
  to yourself, ladies. I think when a domestic violence situation
• 31:07
  arises and the women and the woman is the perpetrate,
• 31:10
  I think you need to go to jail too. I
• 31:13
  think the same way they come in arrestment, you need
• 31:15
  to go to jail. You need to get whatever time
• 31:18
  they give them. You need to get that same maximum
• 31:20
  out of time. Because we see this all the time
• 31:26
  and then people say, oh, man, you weak. How you
• 31:28
  let that girl? Do you like that? He's afraid? Man?
• 31:33
  How can you be afraid of a woman? Because we're
• 31:38
  the nurturers, and we use manipulative tactics to real you in.
• 31:45
  Some women are all They're all nice and sweet on
• 31:47
  the end outside until you get to know the she
• 31:50
  devil behind closed doors. I watch fatal a track. I
• 31:55
  watch these shows. I know men that have been in
• 31:59
  domestic viole relationships. I've seen women slapping men in public.
• 32:05
  I've seen it, and that's not the takeaway that there's
• 32:08
  some bad men in the world. So I don't want
• 32:10
  you all to feel I don't want your ladies to
• 32:11
  feel like, oh, she just oh she just down in black.
• 32:14
  No I'm not, because I will always acknowledge the good ones.
• 32:20
  But you bitter betteries, and you sour apples, y'all are
• 32:23
  the ones I'm talking about tonight, the ones that made
• 32:27
  your son again step in when that man left. I've
• 32:35
  heard you women tell your fourteen year old son, get
• 32:39
  your stupid ass in there, get your dumb ass in there,
• 32:43
  use a dumb mother suckle. I've heard you women say that,
• 32:49
  but I don't say anything, because you know what, that's
• 32:53
  not my please. But on the back end, I'm praying
• 32:58
  for your son. I'm praying that when he grows up,
• 33:00
  he doesn't carry that trauma with him, so that way
• 33:03
  you don't end out your son, don't end up with
• 33:05
  four five baby mamas and these broken homes. My brother says,
• 33:12
  not one lie told. But I see this, and I
• 33:19
  see some of you men that do this to your
• 33:22
  boys because this is what your father did to you.
• 33:27
  So you just carrying on the tradition, not even thinking
• 33:31
  how that's gonna affect your child or your children later
• 33:34
  on down the road. So you can't be upset at
• 33:39
  what you've instilled in your child. You can't be upset
• 33:42
  at the abuse that you are placed upon your child.
• 33:46
  So don't be surprised when you're visiting your son in
• 33:52
  a cemetery or behind bars, because he watched mama go
• 33:57
  do that. He watched daddy do that to mama, and
• 34:01
  Daddy told him. That's how you that's that's you're a man.
• 34:04
  You're a man. That's that's how you keep your women
• 34:06
  in mind. I've seen it you, Oh geez, that's how
• 34:12
  you raise these boys because that was taught to you,
• 34:20
  not knowing that that was abuse. You called it discipline.
• 34:25
  That was abuse. You beaten your son, and I see it.
• 34:32
  You know what, let me tell you, I see it
• 34:34
  more on social media. What these men and these women
• 34:37
  are getting on social media embarrassing their sons. You whooping
• 34:41
  your sons on social media, and then you wonder why
• 34:44
  the police knocking at your door. Stop abusing your sons.
• 34:50
  Stop it. Women, Stop at mama's, stop at grandma, stop
• 34:54
  at eighties. Stop because guess what a good women would
• 35:01
  have to deal with that later on, Because now we're
• 35:06
  gonna have to try to undo what you've done to him,
• 35:09
  the trauma that you inflicted on him all these years.
• 35:13
  This is what you've done again. I'm speaking about me
• 35:20
  because I was verbally abusive to my son. I said
• 35:23
  things to my son that my son should not have
• 35:25
  never heard. How dare I tell my child I wish
• 35:30
  I never had you? How dare I tell him that?
• 35:36
  And my son resented me again? I'm holding us accountable
• 35:44
  for where we short changed our sons, where our sons
• 35:49
  and I get it. You know, we try to do
• 35:51
  the best that we could. But for your children, you're
• 35:54
  supposed to try harder. Baby, You're supposed to go hard
• 35:57
  for your children. You're supposed to be one thousand percent
• 35:59
  in baby, You're not never supposed to put a man
• 36:01
  before your child. You're not never supposed to make your
• 36:06
  son feel like he's worthless. You're supposed to raise You
• 36:12
  should be as a mother and a father, raising your
• 36:15
  son to be strong, respectable, honorable. Because you can't control
• 36:21
  the when they're away from you, their behavior is a
• 36:25
  reflection of you, and a lot of your parents don't
• 36:27
  want to take accountability for that. We saw that yesterday,
• 36:34
  what a young lady was walking home with her two children,
• 36:37
  and you had boys and girls jumping on this woman
• 36:41
  that's learned behavior. Maybe they do't don't have a positive
• 36:46
  role model. We need to bring the village back. But
• 36:52
  first and foremost, we have to stop placing this abuse
• 36:55
  on our boys. They don't deserve that because then they
• 37:02
  go from boys to men. We gotta stop that, mamas,
• 37:08
  We gotta stop that. Ladies. We're the nurturers, you understand.
• 37:15
  We're the ones that allow our sons to feel We're
• 37:18
  the ones that allow our sons to be safe where
• 37:22
  they're protect you know, the father is to protect. We're
• 37:24
  the nurturer. We're the one that we give them that
• 37:28
  gentle toe. Where did we lose sight of that? Where
• 37:38
  did we lose sight of that? I'm a pause for
• 37:44
  a minute because I want my fellas that are in here.
• 37:49
  I want you to put a blue heart in the
• 37:50
  chat for international Men's stay put a blue heart in
• 37:54
  the chat for international men's The ladies you can too,
• 37:57
  but my fellas again, this is for you tonight. This, y'all,
• 38:03
  time to shine, baby. This is my time to wake
• 38:07
  some things up. It may trigger some, but I want
• 38:13
  to promote healing. I want to promote y'all to release
• 38:17
  that trauma from your body so you can walk in
• 38:20
  the best stamps you could ever be in you own
• 38:25
  is you deserve this Again, y'all, welcome back to another
• 38:31
  episode of Black Girl Interrupted the podcast. Tonight, we are
• 38:36
  talking internationals, International Men's Day, and again I'm dedicating the
• 38:41
  show to every man who carries strength with silence. This
• 38:45
  is for y'all. I'm showing up for y'all. I'm being
• 38:49
  present for my men. I need my men to know, man,
• 38:54
  we got a real one on our side. We got
• 38:55
  a real one that understands. We got a real one
• 38:58
  that sees us, that does not judge. Because who am
• 39:03
  I I'm just little low ash, So that's all I am.
• 39:08
  That's all I am. I'm just little lo Ashley baby,
• 39:11
  I'm that's all I am. I see these blue hearts
• 39:19
  to my mothers that have sons, ladies, I want to know, honestly,
• 39:27
  what have you done to your children? What have you
• 39:30
  done to your boys? Where have you short changed them at?
• 39:34
  And it's okay, it's a safe space. This is no
• 39:36
  judgment because mothers, I want you to release some of
• 39:41
  this pain too, because you carry the trauma. Because now
• 39:46
  some fellas have no relationship with their mothers because of
• 39:49
  what the moms have done to them. It makes it
• 39:52
  difficult for men to have relationships with women because of
• 39:54
  what their mothers have done to them. Yes, yes, I
• 40:03
  want to know, and you're good because again I'm not
• 40:08
  here to judge nobody. But again, when it comes to
• 40:12
  domestic violence, ladies, I want you to keep your hands
• 40:14
  to yourself because when that man gets fed up enough,
• 40:22
  And again, I don't want to try to feel like
• 40:24
  I'm promoting violence or condoning condoning violence, because I don't.
• 40:29
  Both of y'all need to keep your hands to yourself.
• 40:32
  But you're gonna push a man so far that when
• 40:35
  he reacts, then he's gonna be wrong. Keep your hands
• 40:39
  to yourself. Men don't deserve to be hit on. They
• 40:44
  don't deserve to be i'm sorry, physically abused. They don't
• 40:47
  deserve to be emotionally abused. They don't deserve to be
• 40:49
  verbally abused. Again. Men deal with enough in the world. Okay,
• 40:55
  you'll see the videos. They're racially profiled, they're passed over
• 40:59
  for jobs. They're judged by the clothes that they wear
• 41:04
  when they're driving a nice car, living in a nice neighborhood.
• 41:07
  They're automatically oh he's a gangster. Oh he sells drugs.
• 41:11
  Not all black men sell drugs. Not all black men
• 41:14
  play basketball, not all black men play football. Again, we
• 41:17
  have doctors, we have lawyers, we have police officers, firefighters, judges. Baby,
• 41:23
  we have it all. School teachers, principals, mentors. That's what
• 41:33
  we got. But it's up to us women to pick
• 41:38
  our men back up when they fall down. You don't
• 41:41
  never kick him when he's down. You don't never tell them,
• 41:45
  oh you sorry. I don't know why I got with you.
• 41:48
  I don't know why I did this. I don't know
• 41:49
  why I did that. Stop it. My soil says, it's
• 41:56
  time to take accountability for aid. The childhood trauma uplic
• 42:00
  inflicted upon these young men and boys. It's time some
• 42:04
  of y'all not ready to own what you've done because
• 42:07
  you don't see fault in what you did. Because it's
• 42:09
  so easy for women to say, oh, the daddy living, okay,
• 42:13
  I'm not no man, I don't know. Okay. We didn't
• 42:15
  put them around positive positive role models. Do that again.
• 42:25
  We are supposed to be going the extra mile for
• 42:29
  our sons and our daughters, for our children. Were supposed
• 42:32
  to be going harder in the pinion, We're not supposed
• 42:35
  to be short changing them. We're supposed to be loving
• 42:39
  on them. We're supposed to be pouring into our sons.
• 42:45
  And I understand some other situations. Father may have passed away,
• 42:51
  father mayn went to jail. You and the father may
• 42:55
  have broke up another thing. Ladies, stop using your children
• 43:01
  as puns. The man don't want you no more. But
• 43:06
  stop not allowing this man to be in your child's
• 43:09
  life because he don't want to be with you. We
• 43:12
  see this. Stop holding that child hostage because you mad,
• 43:19
  and then you wonder why your son feels empty when
• 43:23
  he had a daddy that was trying, but he had
• 43:25
  a mama that tried that interjected it because she was mad.
• 43:32
  I spoke about this. I've encouraged you ladies when you
• 43:39
  got a present man, when you got a present daddy
• 43:41
  or trying daddy, let that man do because the person
• 43:47
  that ends up hurt is your child, not you, your baby,
• 43:52
  because you denied his father access to him because of
• 43:55
  your emotions and your feelings. How fair is that to
• 43:58
  your son? How fair is that? How fair is that
• 44:05
  to your child because you and your feelings because you
• 44:10
  and the daddy broke up, and now you don't want
• 44:12
  your daddy. You don't want the daddy around his son
• 44:14
  or sons. How dare you? But fellas, let me tell
• 44:20
  you this. I want you fellas to learn your rights
• 44:25
  to the present daddy is to the trying daddy's go
• 44:28
  take that woman back to court and have them hold
• 44:30
  her and contempt. If there's a child support or the baby.
• 44:35
  Let me tell you something. You better learn your child
• 44:36
  support laws of the state that you reside in, because
• 44:40
  some fellas didn't even know that. If they're paying court
• 44:43
  order child support and you women are not abiding by
• 44:46
  that child support order, let me finish my thoat and
• 44:50
  then I'm because I already know what y'all finish say.
• 44:55
  If there's court order child support and this man has
• 44:58
  not been abusive or done ill to your child, let
• 45:02
  that man see his son. Let that man see his daughter,
• 45:07
  because see, guess what, You're gonna regret it in the end,
• 45:11
  because your son, your daughter, they're gonna resent you because
• 45:16
  of all the lies you told, for everything that you said. Yes, hey,
• 45:27
  sugar Plum Good does seek a T shirt. She said greatness.
• 45:31
  She says, I love you. I love your bag. I
• 45:34
  love your bag. She says, you are appreciated, and you're
• 45:37
  appreciated too. I appreciate fellowship, fellowshipping with you. I love it.
• 45:45
  I do see some more people coming in. I do
• 45:47
  want to say, welcome to black Girl. Interrupt the podcast.
• 45:50
  It is your girl, actually your favorite girl from the
• 45:52
  five oh four. Bring you in another beautiful episode. Tonight
• 45:55
  we're talking. We're doing International Men's Day, All things Men.
• 46:00
  So we were just speaking about domestic violence abuse again,
• 46:06
  domestic violence abuse. It does not have to be physical.
• 46:09
  It could be mental, it could be emotional, it could
• 46:13
  be verbal. I'm discussing all things men. I'm here again
• 46:20
  tonight to encourage my men. I'm here to love on
• 46:23
  my men. I'm here to pour into my men, because
• 46:26
  you know why, they don't hear it enough. They don't
• 46:29
  hear that we appreciate them. They don't hear that we
• 46:33
  see them, that we hear them, we understand by if
• 46:36
  you ever have a problem, let's talk about it. Men
• 46:40
  need safe spaces, and this is their safe space over
• 46:43
  here with me, because let me tell you some one
• 46:46
  thing about me. I'm not gonna let nobody touch you.
• 46:49
  I'm not gonna let nobody hurt you. I'm gonna reinforce
• 46:53
  how beautiful you are. I'm gonna reinforce how special you are.
• 46:56
  I'm gonna reinforce how needed you are. You are imperative
• 46:59
  in this world. Again, you can't have woman without a
• 47:03
  man again. I know y'all gonna be in the comments
• 47:07
  talking about or she just or she ll pick me.
• 47:10
  But I'm a wife too, Okay, who's dealing with a
• 47:16
  man that was broken? Who had to make it safe
• 47:23
  for him? Because when my husband walks out this door,
• 47:28
  I pray over him. I pray over him before he leaves.
• 47:31
  I pray over him when he lays down at night
• 47:34
  because I don't know what kind of day my husband
• 47:36
  has had. I don't know what he's encountered. I give
• 47:39
  my husband grace, I give him time. Also, I give
• 47:45
  him space, but I leave the door open to let
• 47:47
  him know if and whenever the world get too heavy,
• 47:52
  your partner's right here to carry the little with you.
• 47:55
  See where a partnership. But I didn't know what that
• 48:00
  meant to be a partner to a man. Because you
• 48:02
  know why, because I was too busy trying to wear
• 48:03
  the thrones and the boxers, because I was trying to
• 48:07
  make up for the hole I had in my heart.
• 48:09
  Because my father was not a present father. You understand,
• 48:14
  my son's father not present. My son found solace in
• 48:22
  the boy's club. So my son was around positive men.
• 48:30
  I made sure that, regardless of what I did to him,
• 48:33
  regardless of how I tore my son doubt, I made
• 48:37
  sure that my son was respectable. I made sure and
• 48:44
  I tore. I tell my son, even now, when he's
• 48:46
  about to be twenty five, keep your hands to yourself.
• 48:52
  I tell my son. Let go of that. My son
• 49:00
  is the reason we're having this conversation. I'm holding myself accountable.
• 49:08
  I'm apologizing on behalf of the mothers that failled their boys.
• 49:14
  I'm apologizing. I may not have been the one that
• 49:17
  inflicted the pain on you, but I'm a mother that
• 49:19
  did it to her son, So I apologize. I hold
• 49:25
  myself accountable for that, and I hope some of you
• 49:28
  mothers that are watching, I hope you will do the
• 49:32
  same men that relationship with your son, because boys need
• 49:36
  their mothers. And when I say they need you, they
• 49:41
  need the best version of you. Mama. That son don't
• 49:47
  care about them, Jawdan's mama, That son don't care if
• 49:54
  y'all sitting in the dark together. As long as he
• 49:56
  got you, as long as you show up for him,
• 50:01
  he will love and respect you even more. But most importantly, ladies,
• 50:08
  you gotta show your sons what a healthy relationship looks like.
• 50:14
  You gotta make it safe for your son. You gotta
• 50:17
  make him comfortable to be able to come and talk
• 50:19
  to you when the world gets too heavy for him.
• 50:22
  Because when you don't make it safe at home, guess what,
• 50:25
  your son goes to the streets and he finds a
• 50:29
  home in the streets, And then guess what. You're visiting
• 50:31
  your son in one or two places, in the jail
• 50:33
  or in the cemetery, and we got too many of
• 50:36
  our black men behind bars and in the cemetery. Yeah,
• 50:41
  I'm getting on my soap box. You damn right, because
• 50:46
  we see it. We're losing our black brothers, all black
• 50:50
  boys to the streets. We gotta pull them back together.
• 50:55
  We gotta bring the village together. Stop telling that man
• 51:00
  in the store not to tell your son to pull
• 51:02
  his clothes up. Mama's y'all gotta stop this, y'all gotta stop.
• 51:13
  You got to stop it before you lose your son
• 51:17
  for good. Stop abusing your son again. Stop telling your
• 51:22
  son or you just like your sorry ass daddy, stop it,
• 51:26
  because that's the mentality he's gonna take when he grows up.
• 51:31
  You damn right. I'm pissed right now because I was
• 51:35
  at mother. I did it to my son. I'm not
• 51:40
  shamed to tell nobody. See a lot of y'all women,
• 51:42
  y'all afraid to let your hymns show. And then you
• 51:47
  got some woman behind you or or your friends that
• 51:49
  are hyping you up and telling you girl, yeah, that's
• 51:52
  how you get them bought.
• 51:53
  Speaker 6: Girl.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: You you better tell him, girl what And then you
• 51:59
  wonder why you're son is depressed? You wonder why you
• 52:07
  don't find out anything about your child until after he
• 52:10
  other lives himself, where he writes you a letter and
• 52:14
  tells you where he's been trying to tell you what
• 52:17
  you're doing to him. He don't like it. And Mama,
• 52:19
  you're so busy overlooking it because you're so busy thinking
• 52:21
  about yourself and left about your child or your children.
• 52:25
  That's what your mama's are doing. I said it. I
• 52:30
  may lose some friends to I don't care, but y'all
• 52:34
  need to hear his ladies, absolutely, I ripped a band
• 52:38
  aid off. I ripped it off. Let them saw us
• 52:43
  and the wounds heal, Let him heal. Stop being a
• 52:49
  victim and go and be a victor, change the trajectory.
• 52:55
  But I also need my fellas. I need y'all step
• 52:58
  in on behalf for your children, your sons, because they
• 53:02
  need y'all show them that you were taught was bull,
• 53:08
  show them the correct way, how they're supposed to carry
• 53:11
  themselves when they're away from you. Because again, your children
• 53:13
  are a reflection of you. So if your son is
• 53:16
  out there cutting up in the streets and all of that,
• 53:21
  where did you miss the mark? What part did you overlook, mama,
• 53:25
  when you got your son trying to tell you, Mama,
• 53:29
  I'm hurting. Mama. Is this Mama is dad? I don't
• 53:33
  want to hear. I'm tired. I didn't work two jobs today.
• 53:36
  That's your son's fault again, y'all. I get it. I've
• 53:42
  been a single mama. I've worked and went to school
• 53:45
  at the same time. But I thank God for my
• 53:48
  mother and my sister stepping and moving in on my
• 53:50
  behalf when I couldn't show up and be present for
• 53:52
  my children. I salute my mother for showing and teaching
• 53:58
  my son how to be respectful. I salute my mama
• 54:04
  for that. I salute the village, the boys club that
• 54:09
  stepped in and enveloped my son, and the pecoon of love.
• 54:13
  I appreciate that because my son wouldn't be the man
• 54:18
  that he's rowing into the day. Let me let's get
• 54:26
  to some of the comments and we gonna keep the
• 54:28
  conversation rolling because it's really about to get heavy. He Titi.
• 54:34
  My brother TERRENCEY says, since you are amazing, thank you
• 54:36
  for this, No, thank you, this is this is this
• 54:40
  is for y'all. I did this for y'all because y'all
• 54:44
  aren't celebrated enough. Y'all. Don't get the accolades and the flowers,
• 54:48
  because I want you to smell these roses while you're
• 54:50
  still here, because I don't want to wait and be like,
• 54:52
  oh man, I should have told my brother I loved him.
• 54:55
  I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I'm
• 54:59
  gonna tell like I told the other men. I pray
• 55:02
  that you hear from the things that you don't talk about.
• 55:05
  I pray that you continue to do the beautiful things
• 55:08
  that you do with you, between your wife and your children.
• 55:10
  I salute you, I applaud you, but most importantly, I
• 55:16
  love you. I love you. I absolutely adore you. My
• 55:24
  sister or she says, she say, hey, sister, poo hey,
• 55:28
  fuss how you going tonight? My sisters say that's right.
• 55:32
  My brother say, you better tell them. Some of them
• 55:34
  ain't ready to hear this, and that's okay, and that's cool.
• 55:40
  A lot of people not ready for this. You're gonna
• 55:45
  take a breather because it's next topic that I'm about
• 55:53
  to get into. Trigger warning. Let me let me trigger warning.
• 55:59
  There's my son. Hold on, let me bring your men.
• 56:07
  Hey boy, hey bubble, hey, I can't hear you.
• 56:16
  Speaker 17: Kill me now, all right, hold on, let me do
• 56:20
  it for my computer. Hold on, all right.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: So he's gonna go out and come back in. So
• 56:29
  the next conversation we're about to get into. Mhmm, let
• 56:39
  me take a deep breath. Let me take a deep breath,
• 56:44
  Let me breathe, let me let me relax. My mind.
• 56:48
  My soul says yes, let me hm hmm. This part
• 56:59
  of the conversation gets a little heavy for me. Some
• 57:05
  of y'all have seen the dynamic between me and my
• 57:10
  son on my shoe because I've never wavered from anything
• 57:21
  about the relationships with me and my children. I've never
• 57:23
  wavered away from that. But this part of the conversation
• 57:29
  gets real heavy for me. And this is mother's son relationships.
• 57:41
  Most of you know are those that don't know. I
• 57:46
  was not a present mother when it came to my children.
• 57:54
  I was verbally abusive to my children, not physical, but
• 57:58
  verbally emotional abusive to my children, particularly my son. My son.
• 58:11
  We'll just only know him to come back in. My
• 58:18
  son again, is who made me who I am today.
• 58:23
  He was the one that made me recognize what I
• 58:30
  was doing today. My son made me see things and
• 58:35
  myself that I couldn't see my son. Mother and son
• 58:47
  relationships are heavy. They're difficult at times because we as women,
• 58:53
  we can't teach our boys to be men. I don't
• 58:56
  care what y'all say. We hear that all the time.
• 58:59
  Oh yeah, yeah, I'm teaching my son a woman. We
• 59:03
  just cannot. We do the best, you know, what we
• 59:06
  can with the tools that we have, but we also
• 59:11
  need to start encouraging it and putting our children in
• 59:14
  situations around positive role models. I've seen the dynamic of
• 59:26
  a lot of mothers and sons where the sons become
• 59:31
  the sonspins. Where when the father leaves or husband, whomever leaves,
• 59:38
  and now you tell your son he has to assume
• 59:42
  the position of being the man in the house.
• 59:46
  Speaker 6: No, we're not doing that.
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: Let these children play their video games. Let these kids
• 59:55
  go outside and play. Yeah, they have to do chores,
• 59:58
  you know, wash dishes, keep their room clean, keep the
• 1:00:00
  bathroom clean. But there's no way on earth your fourteen
• 1:00:05
  year old son should be working at McDonald's to help
• 1:00:08
  you pay bills in the house at fourteen years old.
• 1:00:14
  I remember I was talking to a girlfriend of mine
• 1:00:19
  who has two sons and one of her sons took
• 1:00:25
  on the role of being the quote unquote man of
• 1:00:27
  the house because he was the oldest, and Mama told
• 1:00:33
  him that's what he had to do, so he didn't
• 1:00:36
  get to be a kid. So we were talking to
• 1:00:41
  she says, you know, I regret not letting my boys
• 1:00:46
  be boys. She said, I regret that. I say, well,
• 1:00:54
  why do you regret it? She said, because my sons
• 1:00:57
  don't even respect women. I say, but what do you mean,
• 1:01:05
  she said, they just don't. They want to be kids.
• 1:01:11
  They want these women to take care of them. I say,
• 1:01:14
  but whose fault is that. I know a girl, I say,
• 1:01:21
  she's got one son who doesn't work, he said to
• 1:01:25
  Noma players games all day. Her other son, she has
• 1:01:31
  no relationship with it because when he turned eighteen and
• 1:01:33
  went off, the cop didn't return. He said, so, she said,
• 1:01:41
  I said, well, have you try reaching out? She said,
• 1:01:43
  you know, he doesn't want to have anything to do
• 1:01:44
  with me. Melo says, you can't teach him how to
• 1:01:51
  be a man based off of your idea of what
• 1:01:52
  a man should be. Babe, let me tell you something.
• 1:02:00
  You better say that loud for the people in the bank.
• 1:02:04
  Hypop hear me. Now, I don't know what's going on
• 1:02:09
  with your sound. Let me see. You may have to
• 1:02:14
  adjust yourself. Can you hear me?
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 18: Yeah?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: Is your volume off on your computer? No, go into
• 1:02:23
  the audio settings and try to.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: I still I can't hear you.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: Hear me now, mm hmmm.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: Mm hmmm. I don't know what's going on. Why I
• 1:02:45
  can't hear you?
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 17: Hear me?
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 4: Now?
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: Try try and do it on. Go through your phone
• 1:02:52
  and see, hello, it's still it's still not working. It's okay, Hello?
• 1:03:01
  Are you okay? Yeah? I can't hear hold on. Wait,
• 1:03:08
  I don't know what's going on. I got your your
• 1:03:13
  volumes cut all the way up. Let's see. Uh, try
• 1:03:21
  to change uh your input? Try to change your input.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 18: Hear me now?
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 19: Mhm?
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: Try that one and see doesn't work. Oh, they say
• 1:03:38
  they can hear you. I can't hear you. Hold on.
• 1:03:43
  Let me maybe it's not on my end. Let me
• 1:03:45
  see hold on, let's see. This is crazy. They say
• 1:03:57
  they can hear you.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 20: Yeah.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on on my end. Let
• 1:04:06
  me see. Let's try something else. Ah, here we go,
• 1:04:15
  let's see. Uh try that Hello, yep, I don't know
• 1:04:36
  what's going on this is crazy. They say they can
• 1:04:40
  hear you. I just can't hear you. Let me, let
• 1:04:45
  me try something else. Wait, this is a let's try this.
• 1:04:59
  Hold on alright, talk?
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 17: Yeah, how about.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, wait, let me I'm gonna see now it's
• 1:05:14
  gonna echo. See I can hear you on this side,
• 1:05:16
  but for some reason. But that's okay. This is I'm
• 1:05:21
  going to try to adjust. Let's try this. Let me
• 1:05:34
  trust something else. Goodness. Mmm, oops, there were talk.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: Hello, I don't know what.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's okay. I'll do it this way. I'm gonna
• 1:06:10
  do this. I'm gonna try it another way. M h.
• 1:06:32
  I don't know what's going on. Let me Nope, we're
• 1:06:42
  still gonna make it work. We're gonna make it do
• 1:06:45
  what it do. It doesn't matter. We're just gonna keep going. So,
• 1:06:53
  so everyone, y'all welcome. This is my son Ja Cory.
• 1:06:57
  Although I can't hear you in school, h it's it's cool.
• 1:07:02
  So so tonight again, this is International Men's Day, and
• 1:07:11
  the next portion of the conversation is mother and son relationships.
• 1:07:17
  So before we go into the conversation, I have something
• 1:07:21
  I want you all to check out. And then we're
• 1:07:22
  gonna get into the conversation.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 13: I'm really really proud of you. I'm really really proud
• 1:07:36
  of you. I'm sorry for the damage that I did.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: Please forgive me, Please forgive me.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: I was emotionally and verbally abusive.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: I used you as a container for.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 13: My rage, the rage against my own father. I cursed
• 1:07:55
  God that he gave me sons because of the rage
• 1:07:59
  that I had. MM response, you are not responsible for
• 1:08:06
  my rage, for my emptiness, and for twenty seven years
• 1:08:12
  out of my sixty four I've been working on my
• 1:08:14
  own here and the best gift that I can give
• 1:08:18
  to you so you can see something different and be
• 1:08:21
  somebody different and do something different. And I'm really really
• 1:08:26
  proud of you. I'm really proud.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: What do you wanna say to her?
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 21: I forgive you?
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: Ooh, okay, let me just.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 18: Kick my foes off.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: Forgiven for what. Let's be specific. Forget Let's be specific.
• 1:08:46
  I forgive you for.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 21: I forgive you for tearing me down.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 20: Oh.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 21: I forgive you for telling me you wish you could
• 1:08:53
  leave me after Daddy died. I forgive you for yelling
• 1:08:58
  at me every day, how many times I came home
• 1:09:02
  cleaning the house. I forgive you for every every moment,
• 1:09:09
  and I hate it cause you hurt me. I forgive
• 1:09:14
  you every time I hurt myself.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: I forgive you.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 21: I love you. I don't know what I won't do
• 1:09:30
  without you.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 6: But I forgive you for not being who I needed.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: You to be.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 22: I forgive you.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 21: I forgot being cause I needed you to be who
• 1:09:46
  I wanted you to be. Yeah, yeah, who I didn't
• 1:09:51
  have growing.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 3: Up without a father.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 21: I needed you so bad, and you at work, you
• 1:09:59
  would go old.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 22: When you got home.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 21: I was sitting on that couch, I had popped fifty
• 1:10:03
  pills and you walked past me and didn't even notice it.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 12: I'm sorry.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 21: I'm sorry that I couldn't help when you told me too.
• 1:10:29
  I'm sorry for putting all these kids here life because
• 1:10:32
  I know in time, as much as you love and
• 1:10:34
  they could be a burden.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 23: In you two.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 21: I'm sorry for not acknowledging how how much of an
• 1:10:41
  impact you've played in my life. I can honestly say
• 1:10:45
  I know I didn't have a father, but the man
• 1:10:48
  that you married, that I remember, That's who I modeled
• 1:10:52
  myself at. I only sorry for seven years, but even
• 1:10:58
  though you weren't my father, showed me how to be
• 1:11:00
  a parent, and I never walk away from my kids
• 1:11:04
  because of you. I thank you for making sure I
• 1:11:19
  kept dying my life at all times. I thank you
• 1:11:21
  for instilling education in me. I thank you for instilling
• 1:11:24
  respecting people, but most importantly myself, and forgiving myself. Cause
• 1:11:31
  it was hard for me to come up here.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: I drove six hours.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 21: I wanted to turn around so many times because I
• 1:11:38
  knew God was gonna break me down and I didn't
• 1:11:40
  want it to have it. Yet, when I'm sick of hurting,
• 1:11:45
  sick of dying side, sick of being in that dark
• 1:11:48
  room by myself screaming for helping, nobody hears me. I've
• 1:11:52
  always hurt you.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: Let me know. Can y'all hear me? Can y'all hear me?
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 20: Mm?
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 2: So I just want to take a moment and let
• 1:12:14
  that not just for this a moment, because I know
• 1:12:21
  me and you have not always had the best relationship.
• 1:12:28
  I know that I've failed you a lot of times,
• 1:12:35
  but like I've explained to you, it was never an excuse.
• 1:12:42
  I did the best that I could with what I could.
• 1:12:49
  Did you deserve to be mistreated?
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 24: No?
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: I pride myself because if it weren't for you, Jegory,
• 1:13:00
  I don't think I would be the mother that I
• 1:13:01
  am to date. I want to know your thoughts on
• 1:13:08
  the dynamic with us in the beginning to now.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 18: It's widely different compared to us, compared to before to now.
• 1:13:23
  Before I didn't want to be seen around you. Now
• 1:13:28
  I bring you around to my people and they all
• 1:13:30
  know you for being my mom and they all love
• 1:13:34
  you for it.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: Going back to that little boy to the man. Now,
• 1:13:45
  where did I come up short? Where did I feel you?
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 23: Uh just.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 18: Left to Atlanta called when like once in the Blue
• 1:14:04
  Moon he wasn't there.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: If you could go back, if we could go back,
• 1:14:19
  what's one thing you think you would like to change?
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 18: I mean, I try not think about saying like, what
• 1:14:32
  if this, what if this ended differently because of.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: Because it wouldn't be where we are now.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 17: It's better.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: Better now that we're a relationship changed now than not
• 1:14:47
  at all.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 18: But I don't really think about think back of what
• 1:14:51
  we what we could have done differently. But even then
• 1:14:57
  it made me to the men I am today.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you what to do? What me not
• 1:15:04
  being a present mother? What did it do to you
• 1:15:07
  mentally emotionally?
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 17: Okay?
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 18: I mean I would say that I didn't think that
• 1:15:20
  you cared.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: At all, and to mess me up and say, I remember.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: That day that I got angry and I told you,
• 1:15:40
  I said, I wish I'd never had you. What did
• 1:15:45
  that make you feel like?
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: M feel side feel hurt?
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: So what do you think of our relationship in the present?
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: It's a lot better, I said before.
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: I'm the fun moomb now. I remember some days. I
• 1:16:19
  go back and I read this letter a lot of
• 1:16:24
  days because I needed to understand. Although I couldn't make
• 1:16:34
  up for the time that we lost, I knew I
• 1:16:37
  had to be present with you now, and I'm enjoying
• 1:16:45
  our relationship. I love how far we've come as mother
• 1:16:50
  and son. It brings great joy to my heart when
• 1:17:00
  you say that's my mom. You know, I remember when
• 1:17:06
  you wrote this letter and then the letter you told
• 1:17:09
  me you call me a ghetto teenager. I remember that.
• 1:17:18
  I remember the ultimatum you gave me. One of the
• 1:17:28
  one of the things you told me, you said the
• 1:17:30
  way you said, how petty you act makes me feel
• 1:17:32
  embarrassed to have a mother that acts like a ghetto teenager.
• 1:17:45
  You said you wonder why our relationship changed. Well, it's
• 1:17:49
  because the older I got, the more I saw how
• 1:17:53
  terrible of a person you are. You say you may
• 1:18:00
  put on this act to make me believe that you
• 1:18:02
  actually care, but really you don't. You'll continued on to
• 1:18:11
  say the way you were the other day made me
• 1:18:15
  just want to cut you out of my life for good.
• 1:18:19
  But you said, but I can't do that because I
• 1:18:21
  have to worry about how you will be towards Jamari
• 1:18:24
  and Chase. You go on to tell me, you say,
• 1:18:31
  I wish you the best and hope you get help
• 1:18:34
  to fix whatever it is you're going through and change
• 1:18:40
  the way you are, because if not, then I would
• 1:18:46
  have no choice but to cut you out of my life.
• 1:18:52
  You told me you used to be afraid to speak
• 1:18:54
  up because who knew how I would react, But in
• 1:19:02
  that moment you said you didn't care. You said, hopefully
• 1:19:07
  this will push you to change so that Jamari, Chase
• 1:19:13
  and I will still be in your life. That hurt,
• 1:19:27
  and I'm gonna be honest with you. When I got that.
• 1:19:28
  When I read the letter, I was very angry with you.
• 1:19:30
  I was very upset because I was like, how dare you?
• 1:19:38
  So there's a comment that says this was deep. It
• 1:19:42
  takes a lot of strength for someone to forgive a
• 1:19:44
  parent that caused dis grief and emotional trauma. The great
• 1:19:48
  thing is recognizing one's issues, knowing it was wrong, and
• 1:19:51
  being responsible and apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I know
• 1:19:59
  I've said this a million in times, but I'm sorry
• 1:20:04
  for short changing you. I apologize for not giving you
• 1:20:09
  the best of me. When I do, you deserved all
• 1:20:13
  of me. Although I no longer carry that guilt anymore,
• 1:20:23
  I'm just elated to where we are now. I love
• 1:20:30
  where we are. I love the space that we're in.
• 1:20:34
  I can't wait to see when you have grand babies
• 1:20:37
  or whatever whatever it is that you decide to do.
• 1:20:39
  I can't wait. But most importantly, I'm proud of you that,
• 1:20:44
  despite every obstacle you went through with me, you still
• 1:20:48
  stand talking. I love that. I love, love, love, love
• 1:20:55
  love that. But then, y'all, they're also mother like this,
• 1:21:04
  here we go.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 6: I have only known this young man twenty four hours,
• 1:21:11
  and there's no way in the world, just reading his
• 1:21:14
  space that I know he's going to allow a man
• 1:21:17
  to abuse a woman in his presence.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 22: She didn't think about me that way.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 25: She did well because then you all playing basketball and going.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 6: On dat what mind your business? You say that you
• 1:21:32
  don't see the man that your son is. So I'm
• 1:21:35
  asking you, since this is not a demonstration of a man,
• 1:21:39
  you need to tell me what man you're using to
• 1:21:43
  measure him with? Which one? My idea was just your idea?
• 1:21:49
  Now is that the idea you trained him up to be? Oh? So,
• 1:21:55
  how in the blazon of Jesus are you holding him
• 1:21:59
  account to a standard that you didn't teach him. His
• 1:22:03
  father didn't give him. He don't even know what it is.
• 1:22:07
  And yet as to his mother, you sit in his
• 1:22:11
  face and tell him you don't respect him as a man.
• 1:22:15
  Tell me how that works.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 23: Help me.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 25: Like I said in it was advanced, it wasn't.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 6: Just I'm not talking I'm talking about last Yeah, but
• 1:22:25
  l I'm talking hello Hello. He You see, you are
• 1:22:28
  a provocative victim. You provoke stuff, and then when you
• 1:22:34
  start being held accountable for it, then you start twisting
• 1:22:37
  and turning and making the other person wrong. Look at me, mo,
• 1:22:41
  look at me, Look at me.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 3: You just sat here.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 6: And told your son we ain't got a needle in
• 1:22:50
  his arm. Who I'm assuming pays his own man he's
• 1:22:54
  married to a registered nurse, he's got three baby boys.
• 1:22:59
  And you just sat here in his face and said,
• 1:23:02
  I don't respect him as a man, and you don't
• 1:23:08
  think to consider what that does to his heart, to
• 1:23:12
  his soul, to his spirit.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 25: I'm sure that's hurtful, and you're okay with that, and
• 1:23:20
  it's hurtful for the things that he's say.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 20: But there you go.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 6: You're doing it. You're doing it right now. You're doing
• 1:23:24
  it right now. I'm holding you accountable and you spinning,
• 1:23:27
  you spinning your web.
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 25: Get away.
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 6: Tell me, just here's the question. Just answered that. We'll
• 1:23:34
  get back to that other stuff later.
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: Forgive me.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 25: I respect him. He's a wonderful man.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 6: Do you understand that your mouth, your voice, your words
• 1:23:45
  are connected to the coils in his heart, to the
• 1:23:48
  vows in his heart.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 2: He can't help but love you.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 6: And every time you dishonor that love.
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 4: You keep a piece of it.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 6: Peace of Then this is why in our culture as
• 1:24:04
  black people, when the boys turn a certain age, the
• 1:24:08
  men come and get him and take him away from
• 1:24:10
  the mother because he can emotionally manipulate him. But since
• 1:24:15
  we don't live in our culture no more, we say
• 1:24:17
  what we want to say, do what we want to say.
• 1:24:20
  We tear men down and then wonder why they don't
• 1:24:23
  make good husbands and fathers. Mothers destroy sons. His mother
• 1:24:28
  can speak to him in certain ways that destroy him,
• 1:24:31
  in ways that can never be repaired.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: That part got very heavy for me. That part got
• 1:25:07
  real heavy. So what do you think about that record,
• 1:25:17
  that clip you just saw do mm hmm? It's responsible
• 1:25:29
  for tearing her son down?
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 17: Okay, yeah, it's it's really hard to watch to not
• 1:25:40
  only tear him down but also double down on it.
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: And I.
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 17: Yeah, like change your mind about it.
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: One of the things from that I remember that episode
• 1:26:06
  and I said, God, just give me the strength to
• 1:26:13
  be able to respect my son, allow me to be
• 1:26:31
  better not only as a person, but more so as
• 1:26:38
  a mother or your sister. Hey Jamari, hey girl, a
• 1:26:49
  pretty girl. But I vowed to do better, not just
• 1:27:02
  for y'all but for me, so being able to sit
• 1:27:08
  on this platform with you tonight and give you the
• 1:27:12
  apology that you so effortless, effortlessly deserve. I apologize to court.
• 1:27:23
  I apologize for not showing up. I apologize for not
• 1:27:29
  being present. I apologize for not giving you the best
• 1:27:36
  of me. I should have fought, I should have tried harder.
• 1:27:44
  But I was so caught up in me that I
• 1:27:48
  forgot about y'all. I forgot I forgot about y'all. I
• 1:28:01
  should have showed up, I should have thought. I should
• 1:28:05
  have been a better mother, regardless of what I had
• 1:28:08
  experienced in life. My children didn't deserve that, most importantly
• 1:28:12
  my son. But I'm grateful that we're where we are today.
• 1:28:25
  I love everything about you. I'm so proud of you. Man.
• 1:28:32
  You're an amazing young man, amazing and regardless of what
• 1:28:40
  the world tells you, you're awesome. And I pray that
• 1:28:48
  God continues to be in the blessing season and continue
• 1:28:53
  to bless my children. I pray that when you have
• 1:28:58
  your own children, you break the generational curse and be
• 1:29:05
  a better parent to your children or your child than
• 1:29:08
  I was to you. So I ask you, in front
• 1:29:13
  of everybody, do you forgive me?
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 17: Yes?
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 2: Man, Malcolm says very well versed. Also, so I do
• 1:29:38
  apologize for the stream going down. I don't know why
• 1:29:41
  they any other time I do copyrighting clips, I never
• 1:29:45
  have a problem until I don't know. So we're just
• 1:29:48
  gonna keep it rolling. But to my son, I love you,
• 1:29:55
  and I'm proud of you, and I think you are cool,
• 1:29:58
  a cool young man. And I'm here with you the
• 1:30:04
  rest of the way. And thank you for pushing me
• 1:30:09
  to be a better mother. I'm abundantly blessed. Now you're
• 1:30:23
  gonna stay on or you're gonna drop off, because we're
• 1:30:25
  moving all to a new topic. Drop off, all right, Well,
• 1:30:32
  guess what. I love your baby boy. I'll call you
• 1:30:36
  later to check on you. But I appreciate you forgiving me,
• 1:30:41
  for forgiving me for everything that I did to you,
• 1:30:46
  and you got the best version of me. I'm the
• 1:30:50
  most stable in my mind that I've been in in
• 1:30:53
  a long time, and I owe it all to you
• 1:30:56
  and of course God. But thank you for not give
• 1:31:00
  enough on me.
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 20: All Right, baby boy, I love you.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: Go take care of my grand dog.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 20: Okay, all right, baby, love you, see you later. Oh,
• 1:31:19
  Jamari says, happy Ja Corey, and you are good man.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: Let me tell y'all, man, man, man, I didn't mean
• 1:31:34
  to get that deep with y'all. Im I did. I
• 1:31:38
  didn't mean to get that deep with y'all. But man, man, man,
• 1:31:42
  that's one cool kid I got. That's definitely one cool kid. Hey,
• 1:31:49
  y'all will never take him away from me. Let me
• 1:31:51
  know if y'all can see me, I hope. So all right,
• 1:31:55
  all right, So now we are moving on to another
• 1:32:00
  topic for tonight, men in sexual abuse. Men are victims too.
• 1:32:18
  I want to play this little clip before we jump
• 1:32:20
  into the conversation. Ah yes, yes, yes, So here we go,
• 1:32:30
  and then we're going to continue on with the conversation.
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 19: I was sexually abused when I was about eight by
• 1:32:49
  an older male cousin.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 2: I've been sexually assaulted on four different occasions.
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 23: I was six years old.
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 2: The first time that I was milisted.
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 26: A neighbor named Hank took me into house, and at
• 1:33:02
  first it was hugging, and then his hands traveled, and
• 1:33:07
  when I tried to push him away, he beat me
• 1:33:09
  and then he raped me.
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 9: And I was haunted by the fact that this happened
• 1:33:15
  in a little girl's bedroom for.
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 19: A long time. I blamed myself. I was just angry
• 1:33:23
  because I'd go to school and nobody in school knew
• 1:33:26
  what was going on.
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 26: When I tried to tell my mom, she kicked me
• 1:33:30
  out of the house and laughed at me and told
• 1:33:32
  me I would never deserve anything better.
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 11: It became something that lasted until I was seventeen years old.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 9: I remember after it happened, and after he left, sitting
• 1:33:44
  on a bed for a while, torn up and saying,
• 1:33:47
  I am never going to tell another living person about this.
• 1:33:52
  I went and got my friends and I drove them home.
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 12: Thank you for reading that, Katrina.
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 9: Thanks.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 12: Now, if you had the chance, how would you respond
• 1:34:05
  to this person's story.
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 2: I just feel like we're just like Hugger.
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 19: And just let you know, let her know, it's not
• 1:34:18
  her fault.
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 13: You were a little girl, it's not your fault.
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 12: You actually have the chance to meet that person because
• 1:34:26
  they're here today. This is James Metters. This is Mark
• 1:34:30
  Goodoy Junior. This is Isaac Andrade. This is Walter Castaneda.
• 1:34:34
  This is Glenn Hall. He served in the Army for
• 1:34:37
  thirty years, retiring as command sergeant major. And what you
• 1:34:40
  just read is his story. What you just read was
• 1:34:45
  his story.
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 27: Oh my god, thank you for reading the story.
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 28: The statistic is one in six. I go into a
• 1:35:07
  room and I count six men, like there's somebody else
• 1:35:10
  in here, and they're probably dealing with it the same
• 1:35:13
  way I dealt with it, which is not talking about it.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 2: To share the same experience. I was young and I
• 1:35:22
  was in college. I was sexually abused.
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 9: You know, we don't talk about these things, but it happens.
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 23: I grew up in the Latino household.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 2: W I know what that's like.
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 23: Wait, Dad telling me, you know, yore, this's capital on
• 1:35:36
  it just be a h you know how to a
• 1:35:39
  girl with a cry And on the other side, you're
• 1:35:42
  getting abused and you don't know what to say.
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 29: I joined the army to die. I I was abused
• 1:35:51
  from the time I was born til I was seventy.
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 28: Masculinity made me put away what I was feeling and
• 1:35:59
  not really deep feel what I happened to me and
• 1:36:03
  recognize and acknowledge what happened to me.
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 23: Getting suspension in the fourth grade, getting in a fight,
• 1:36:08
  getting expelled from one high school. It's all part of
• 1:36:10
  the abuse, and it's all part of me and the child,
• 1:36:13
  my inner child, acting out and starving for attention.
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 13: One of the r reasons I rose in the rank
• 1:36:20
  of the military.
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 29: They like tough guys, but inside I was dying.
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 28: Sh still makes me emotional that what happened to me
• 1:36:32
  wasn't because of who I am it was something that
• 1:36:35
  was done to me.
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 3: It's not me.
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 22: I know a lot of males have too afraid to
• 1:36:41
  speak up, but I'm real open because I want to
• 1:36:44
  inspire the male survivors that not just males with disabilities,
• 1:36:50
  but also male without disabilities.
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 2: Identify myself as a black a survivor. I had a
• 1:36:57
  lot of fear and I just post a link on
• 1:37:00
  Facebook saying this is my story.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 12: If you wanna read it, you can read it.
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 23: Other response I got after that was, uh, nothing but kind.
• 1:37:07
  Every time I share my story, especially as a man,
• 1:37:13
  I I always fear back.
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 2: Hey can I talk to you?
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's up?
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 2: This happened to me too, This happened to me too.
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 27: This happened to me too.
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 22: I'm not doing just for myself, It's for many others
• 1:37:26
  who voices not being hurt before.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 2: It's really hard not to cry.
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 19: I'm really glad you've done the work and I know
• 1:37:39
  that you changed somebody's life.
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 2: So that's all I can say without kind. You can
• 1:37:43
  survive it, you can get through it. I think you're
• 1:37:46
  just so strong.
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 26: I don't know if you know it, but you're you're
• 1:37:51
  very strong.
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 16: Think it just makes you remember and realize that everybody
• 1:38:11
  has a story.
• 1:38:28
  Speaker 2: I remember the very first time I had a conversation
• 1:38:32
  and I spoke about sexual abuse, and I had people say, oh, women,
• 1:38:37
  they're not predators, Yes you are. There are women out
• 1:38:44
  here that going to victimize little boys, and forget that
• 1:38:51
  one day these little boys were growing to men. They
• 1:39:02
  prayed on the week. What made me even have a
• 1:39:20
  conversation of this sort was I remember the r Kelly trial.
• 1:39:27
  A lot of people only thought of the female victims,
• 1:39:30
  but forgot the two male victims that it testified against
• 1:39:35
  R Kelly. Why are men's silence? Why are men not
• 1:39:43
  taking seriously? We see this every day on the news.
• 1:39:49
  A teacher pregnant by a twelve year old boy, a
• 1:39:52
  teacher pregnant by a fifteen year old child. We just
• 1:39:56
  saw a teacher of weeks ago get away with having
• 1:40:03
  an inappropriate relationship with a seventeen year old boy. And
• 1:40:10
  some of the comments that I saw, I saw men saying, man,
• 1:40:14
  where was these teachers when I was their age? Are
• 1:40:16
  you serious? I remember listening to the old g's telled
• 1:40:24
  our little boys, you're not a man til you get
• 1:40:28
  you a little peace, not knowing that you were subjecting
• 1:40:34
  this boy to sexual abuse. And how dare you, as
• 1:40:38
  a grown woman twenty five, twenty six years old, having
• 1:40:41
  sexual relations with a fifteen or a thirteen year old child.
• 1:40:49
  I remember when Little Boosi did that with his son
• 1:40:51
  because he said he didn't want his son and his
• 1:40:53
  nephew to be gay. So you passed your son and
• 1:40:57
  your nephew are to a predator, and you, as a woman,
• 1:41:00
  you did it. I need my men to know that
• 1:41:16
  that was not okay. I needed. I need my men
• 1:41:19
  to know that you were abused, You were sexually abused,
• 1:41:23
  you were violated, You were robbed of your childhood and
• 1:41:28
  you didn't even know it. But that's what they instilled
• 1:41:32
  in our young boys back in the day, and then
• 1:41:37
  there were grown women that went along with it. I
• 1:41:39
  remember me and my husband, we were having a conversation
• 1:41:46
  and we were just talking, you know, and he said, yeah,
• 1:41:49
  you know, I remember the ladies used to look at
• 1:41:53
  me and tell me how handsome I was. What he said.
• 1:42:00
  I remember, I had friends, you know, that were fourteen
• 1:42:04
  fifteen years old were sleeping with thirty year old women.
• 1:42:08
  What that I remember? I held a space on clubhouse
• 1:42:27
  right after the r kly trial, and it was you know,
• 1:42:33
  we started out a very small room, you know, maybe
• 1:42:37
  thirty forty people. That room grew to about six hundred people.
• 1:42:46
  And the stories that these men would share. One young
• 1:42:51
  man say, I couldn't understand why I was so hyposexual,
• 1:42:57
  not realizing he said. My mother's friend used to babysit me,
• 1:43:06
  he said, and she would touch me inappropriately. He said,
• 1:43:12
  I remember that fishy taste. And he said he used
• 1:43:23
  to try to tell his mother, but he felt like
• 1:43:26
  the mama didn't believe him because the world doesn't believe
• 1:43:29
  that women are predators. But we see this every day.
• 1:43:33
  You turn on the news, teacher coat and the uncompromising
• 1:43:39
  position with a twelve year old child, a sixteen year
• 1:43:41
  old child, an eighteen year old child. Y'all keep saying, oh, on,
• 1:43:44
  at eighteen, they grown maybe age, but emotionally and physically
• 1:43:51
  they're not adults. You have eighteen year old boys that
• 1:43:56
  still had the mental capacity of a twelve year old child. No, shade,
• 1:44:00
  I promise it's not, but you do at twelve years old,
• 1:44:09
  this baby doesn't understand what he's doing. He doesn't again,
• 1:44:14
  doesn't have the mental capacity. Women mature faster than boys.
• 1:44:21
  But you're robbing these boys of their childhood, of their manhood.
• 1:44:25
  You're robbing them of something so precious that they can't
• 1:44:28
  share with somebody because they've already given it to you.
• 1:44:35
  And then you wonder why these men aren't satisfied with
• 1:44:38
  just one woman. They have to have multiple women. They're
• 1:44:43
  hyposexual because you violated him, you rob them. He likes,
• 1:44:48
  he enjoyed. You know he doesn't enjoy. But this is
• 1:44:53
  what you women do. But the world says, oh no, no,
• 1:44:58
  women can be predators. You can. When it comes to predators,
• 1:45:06
  women make up sixty five percent of that. They do
• 1:45:11
  it for power, They do it for control, because they
• 1:45:14
  want to be in charge, because they're missing avoid somewhere.
• 1:45:17
  This is why women are sexually abusing these boys. And
• 1:45:27
  then you got mothers that are okay with that. You
• 1:45:29
  got the fathers that promote this type of promiscuity. Oh yeah, boy,
• 1:45:35
  come on, let me go get you some man. Let
• 1:45:36
  me take you all down here and make you a man.
• 1:45:39
  At fifteen years old. He's not a man. He's still
• 1:45:41
  a boy. He again, he doesn't have the mental capacity.
• 1:45:48
  I'm gonna I'm gonna have to run that episode back
• 1:45:51
  when I talked about women being sexual predators. We look
• 1:45:54
  at Jada Pinkett. You took advantage of a vulnerable young man.
• 1:46:02
  People say, oh, way, but he was grown maybe age,
• 1:46:05
  but mentally this baby was not mature and you violated him.
• 1:46:13
  The love of bed, I say that again, and then
• 1:46:19
  I get pushed back. I speak to a lot of
• 1:46:24
  men anyway. So we're hosting this space. Another young man says,
• 1:46:34
  my honor, my cousin. I said, Yamilica, no, my female honor.
• 1:46:42
  And her daughter used to molest me his own brothers sister,
• 1:46:58
  he said, And I used to tell my mom. I
• 1:47:00
  would say, boy, they're not doing nothing to you over there,
• 1:47:02
  and stop lying, but going outside and play. And then
• 1:47:07
  it's festers, and it sits in your child's spirit, and
• 1:47:15
  then you can't wonder why, and then you can't figure
• 1:47:17
  out why your son had brought you home ten children.
• 1:47:24
  Mama's you gotta start listening to your boys, start paying
• 1:47:31
  attention when they start to withdraw from things that they
• 1:47:35
  don't like. You need to sit down and have those
• 1:47:39
  conversations and figure out what's going on. How can I
• 1:47:45
  help you, How can I support you? This is what
• 1:47:49
  we need to do. I'm not gonna spend too much
• 1:47:53
  time on this particular topic because I know it's triggering
• 1:47:57
  for a lot of people, but I just want to
• 1:48:01
  tell my fellas, it wasn't your fault. It was nothing
• 1:48:07
  you did. It was just a sick individual or individuals
• 1:48:13
  that robbed you. And I pray you get healing for that.
• 1:48:20
  I pray you get therapy for that. And I specifically
• 1:48:25
  waited oneed this episode because how I want to close
• 1:48:31
  is I want to address mental health and the black man.
• 1:48:44
  My Smell of Yellow says my oldest son was assaulted
• 1:48:48
  sexually by a man family member at a young age.
• 1:48:51
  I couldn't understand and didn't know his reasons for being
• 1:48:53
  so angry. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't
• 1:48:56
  know what. He did not open up to me until
• 1:48:59
  he was eighteen years old. She say, my heart sank.
• 1:49:08
  She said, I grabbed I grabbed them and I hugged
• 1:49:11
  them and we cried together. She said, we went to
• 1:49:15
  counsel and we both needed it. She said, I was
• 1:49:19
  hurt with my son for not telling me, hurt with
• 1:49:21
  him for not allowing me to fight with him or
• 1:49:24
  for him. Let me say this to you, sis, it
• 1:49:30
  wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your phone,
• 1:49:39
  it wasn't your son's phone. It was a sick, demented person,
• 1:49:46
  an evil spirited person that violated your child. They violated
• 1:49:53
  your son. But most importantly, I want to thank you
• 1:50:00
  for being receptive when he came and told you, and
• 1:50:02
  you didn't turn the blind how you didn't turn your
• 1:50:04
  cheek Because we see a lot of parents we see
• 1:50:07
  this because we want to keep the predator protected, but
• 1:50:13
  not our child or children. You know that uncle is
• 1:50:17
  touching on these children, but you still allow this monster
• 1:50:21
  to sit at that edit the table every holiday. You
• 1:50:25
  still allow your children to go around him. We see
• 1:50:30
  this far too often. Naziah Harris, her own auntie jealous.
• 1:50:40
  This little girl had been violated her entire life. We
• 1:50:48
  have got to stop protecting the monsters in the family
• 1:50:53
  and start protecting our children, most importantly our boys. When
• 1:50:58
  you see your boys start to act different, because look
• 1:51:02
  at the situation with the nine and the ten year
• 1:51:04
  old that violated the five year old little girl. Where
• 1:51:06
  do you think they got that from? They saw somebody
• 1:51:09
  do that, or somebody's done that to them. I have
• 1:51:17
  male friends that were sexually violated by family members, by coaches,
• 1:51:25
  by the people in the church. When something is off, baby,
• 1:51:34
  we gotta start paying attention. So as we get ready
• 1:51:41
  to bring the black girl interrupt the podcast to a close,
• 1:51:45
  I want to end with this one, mental health and
• 1:51:49
  a black Man. I saved this one for last simply
• 1:51:56
  because yesterday I was supposed to discuss Marshawn Kneeland. Marshan
• 1:52:06
  Kneland was a twenty four year old football player for
• 1:52:09
  the Dallas Cowboys who so tragically took his life two
• 1:52:13
  weeks ago. Mello says. Family turned against both of us.
• 1:52:25
  She said, but I didn't give a damn because I
• 1:52:26
  stood by my son as you should have. And I
• 1:52:30
  applaud you for allowing that mother and you to kick in, cause, baby,
• 1:52:43
  you have a phenomenal, handsome son and he turned out alright.
• 1:52:49
  And I owe all of that to you. We owe
• 1:52:50
  all of that to you. You did that, but then
• 1:52:54
  you also had a village around your son to support
• 1:52:56
  him too. You had beautiful male around your son to
• 1:53:03
  uplift and courage and empower him. And that's why he's
• 1:53:07
  the phenomenal man he is today. Salute to you for
• 1:53:13
  standing at a gap with your son, because we don't
• 1:53:18
  see that enough. We don't see it. So again, mental
• 1:53:29
  health and a black man again. Last night, I was
• 1:53:33
  supposed to do Marshawn kneeling, but I did talk to
• 1:53:35
  me Tuesday. Suicide is the third leading cause of death
• 1:53:42
  in black man under the age of fifty five, the third,
• 1:53:47
  the third. We see fellas walking around smiling, laughing, joking,
• 1:53:58
  but dying on the inside, and we don't even bother
• 1:54:05
  to check on him. You're welcome, baby. We don't even
• 1:54:13
  check on him. We just assume he's okay because he's laughing,
• 1:54:18
  he's smiling, he's joking. That's called high functioning depression. But
• 1:54:28
  we don't realize that they need help. They because they
• 1:54:31
  cry for help. There are signs that show he needs help,
• 1:54:38
  but we tell him he suck it up. You gonna
• 1:54:40
  be alright, You gonna be alright.
• 1:54:45
  Speaker 6: No.
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 2: One of the things that we need to stop doing,
• 1:54:57
  it's telling men to suck it up. We need to
• 1:55:01
  stop telling men you ain't got nothing to be depressed about.
• 1:55:07
  What you depressed about? You a man. They're supposed to
• 1:55:09
  be tough, they're supposed to be strong. Y'all are supposed
• 1:55:11
  to endure. No Melo Yella says, I didn't know why
• 1:55:21
  I needed this. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
• 1:55:29
  you're more than welcome. Baby, you come over here. The
• 1:55:32
  Black girl interrupt that podcast more often, and I promise
• 1:55:35
  you I'm not gonna never disappoint you, because when when
• 1:55:40
  we leave here, when we log out for the night,
• 1:55:44
  I want people to leave nourished. I want you to
• 1:55:47
  leave fulfilled. I want you to know that there is
• 1:55:51
  somebody rooting for you, that's cheering you own. But when
• 1:56:01
  it comes to suicide, when it comes to mental health,
• 1:56:04
  when it comes to anxiety depression, we don't talk about
• 1:56:08
  it enough. These need to be everyday conversations because we're
• 1:56:14
  seeing our baby boys take their lives. And you say,
• 1:56:21
  but what does the six year old have to be
• 1:56:23
  depressed about? Hmm, let's see bullying? Maybe because this baby
• 1:56:32
  he's not wearing the best name brand clothes, people bully you.
• 1:56:36
  And social media is the devil's playground. So what that
• 1:56:43
  boy likes race cause, so what that little boy likes
• 1:56:48
  to draw? So what that little boy likes comic books?
• 1:56:51
  That doesn't make him weird. But you have people that
• 1:56:55
  aren't that just want to be bullied because guess what,
• 1:56:58
  their mothers were bullied, their their fathers were bullies. And
• 1:57:03
  then he say, oh, my baby would never do that.
• 1:57:05
  You don't know what your child gonna do when he
• 1:57:07
  away from you, So stop saying what your child won't do,
• 1:57:12
  because the ones that you say won't do will do.
• 1:57:18
  We see these babies being bullied, We see these babies
• 1:57:21
  being teased. Oh how are you wearing Walmart shoes? Okay,
• 1:57:25
  I wear Walmart shoes? Now what? But we have got
• 1:57:32
  to create bigger spaces and bigger platforms for our men
• 1:57:36
  to be able to come in and be safe and
• 1:57:38
  to be able to unpack what they've gone through. Because
• 1:57:42
  men carry just as much as we do, but we're
• 1:57:46
  so selfish and we only think about us that we
• 1:57:50
  want him to suck up whatever it is he going through,
• 1:57:53
  but you want him to be available for us. How
• 1:57:58
  was that fair? How was that fair that you want
• 1:58:03
  him to be readily available for you? But when he
• 1:58:06
  comes to you and tries to unpack things with you,
• 1:58:09
  you shut him down, and then you wonder why he
• 1:58:12
  don't talk to you, And then you wonder why he
• 1:58:15
  talks and hangs with Jeffrey All day. You wonder why
• 1:58:18
  he goes and he hangs with Rob and this why
• 1:58:20
  he's never at home. A lot of y'all say, oh,
• 1:58:24
  he's gay. He always with his homeboy. No, because maybe
• 1:58:27
  his whomeboy says safe speaks. Maybe his homeboys his peace,
• 1:58:30
  you understand, Maybe he could go to his homeboys, say, man,
• 1:58:35
  stuff not going right at home. I remember watching Atlanta,
• 1:58:43
  the show The Childish Can't bet on with to therapy,
• 1:58:50
  and I remember the comments, but he's some spicy dudes.
• 1:58:55
  Man that these dude's sassy. No, he's not, because he's human.
• 1:59:00
  And how dare you not allow that man to be
• 1:59:05
  safe in his own home? How dare you make this
• 1:59:09
  man uncomfortable? And then you wonder why he don't come
• 1:59:11
  home because number one, he don't feel safe. Number Two,
• 1:59:14
  he's exhausted. He don't want to hear He don't want
• 1:59:18
  to hear it because he's dealing with enough. He's trying
• 1:59:21
  to come home. He's trying to talk to you because
• 1:59:23
  you're supposed to be his home. Here's the clip I'm
• 1:59:30
  talking about, and then we're gonna go ahead and finish
• 1:59:33
  the conversation.
• 1:59:36
  Speaker 17: Let's go.
• 1:59:38
  Speaker 29: And you were hurt by someone you trusted, Yeah, like
• 1:59:44
  the family member who abused you. Yeah, which made you
• 1:59:52
  feel powerless again.
• 2:00:09
  Speaker 17: It's cool she released this.
• 2:00:15
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 2:00:15
  Speaker 30: When I saw that scene from Atlanta, I knew I
• 2:00:18
  had to talk about it on this week's Cross Connection
• 2:00:20
  because it's really not something we see on TV every day.
• 2:00:23
  And that's black men in therapy. And of course you
• 2:00:25
  may remember Kendrick Lamar's album which dropped this summer that
• 2:00:27
  also explores this very timely topic. Now, according to researchers,
• 2:00:31
  black men are about half as likely to pursue counseling
• 2:00:34
  as their white counterparts when experiencing anxiety or depression.
• 2:00:38
  Speaker 2: Well, the first.
• 2:00:39
  Speaker 30: Step in breaking that stigma is to talk about it.
• 2:00:41
  And so here with me is doctor Michael A.
• 2:00:43
  Speaker 20: Lindsay.
• 2:00:44
  Speaker 30: He's dean of the NYU Silver School of Social Work.
• 2:00:47
  And back with us is doctor Jason Johnson. Mike, I
• 2:00:50
  want to start with you, doctor Mike, my more houseman
• 2:00:53
  on set with me. Great to have you here with
• 2:00:56
  me on set. Seriously, and I just you know, I've
• 2:00:58
  noticed that this conversation around therapy and black men is
• 2:01:01
  becoming normalized, but maybe not normalized to the extent which
• 2:01:04
  it needs to be. Why do you think that's happening now.
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 24: Well, I think the pandemic has certainly had an impact
• 2:01:11
  on how people are being in touch with their emotions
• 2:01:14
  and their psychology, if you will. People are being encouraged
• 2:01:18
  to talk about how the pandemic has impacted them, and
• 2:01:21
  I think it's a great thing because for so long
• 2:01:24
  there's been so much stigma related to talking about these issues,
• 2:01:28
  and so you know that the time is really perfect
• 2:01:31
  for us to be having these conversations because so many
• 2:01:34
  people are hurting as a result of what is transpired
• 2:01:36
  in the pandemic.
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 30: Yeah, it's nice to see Jason.
• 2:01:39
  Speaker 2: I'm putting you on.
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 30: The spot a little bit, getting in your all up
• 2:01:42
  in your biz. But seriously, have you gone to therapy before?
• 2:01:47
  Speaker 3: I have?
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 4: And I actually really debated is where I was going
• 2:01:50
  to answer this question, because because it's not so much
• 2:01:52
  a fear of threatened masculinity, I just never wanted to
• 2:01:56
  really talk about it. But yes, I actually had a therapist.
• 2:01:59
  I was uncomfortab Yeah.
• 2:02:03
  Speaker 2: That was the end of that clip. I'm so sorry,
• 2:02:07
  But going back and thinking and listening to what they
• 2:02:11
  just said, black men don't have those spaces when black women.
• 2:02:19
  I'm so sorry When black women talk about their traumas,
• 2:02:24
  men are bypassed in those conversations. We're able to talk
• 2:02:27
  about the depression, we're able to talk about the anxiety,
• 2:02:30
  and everybody's like, oh my gosh, we just you know,
• 2:02:33
  we hope you feel better. But when men, it's like, hey,
• 2:02:37
  you gotta be tough. How dare you feel that way?
• 2:02:43
  You're not allowed to feel that way? But why not?
• 2:02:49
  Why is that man not able to be sad without
• 2:02:52
  being told he's sasty or or he's gay? Why not
• 2:03:00
  one thing about me? I will always advocate for the
• 2:03:06
  mental health of black men. I will always do just
• 2:03:08
  that because I hear you, A lot of men feel
• 2:03:14
  they don't have a voice. A lot of men are
• 2:03:19
  crying for help. A lot of men are crying in
• 2:03:21
  the background, struggling, but they don't have anybody that's going
• 2:03:26
  to because they're judged. Fingers are pointed at them, so
• 2:03:33
  they just don't say anything, and then they let them
• 2:03:39
  weigh and then it starts to weigh down on them.
• 2:03:42
  It starts to take a toll on their mental So
• 2:03:44
  they figure, the only way that I'm gonna be okay
• 2:03:47
  is if I just eliminate myself altogether because I'm tired
• 2:03:50
  of hurting. But I want you fellas to know going
• 2:03:55
  to therapy is okay. It's okay to get an unbuyas
• 2:04:00
  this person to help you navigate your emotions. It's okay
• 2:04:04
  to allow someone to show you the correct way. That
• 2:04:13
  doesn't make you crazy, it doesn't make you a lunatic.
• 2:04:17
  Men need that. Men carry just as much trauma as
• 2:04:23
  we as women. They carry a lot. Again, we see
• 2:04:28
  the racial profiling. We see that what these police officers
• 2:04:34
  are unlively our black men O were black boys, and
• 2:04:38
  no justice has ever served. We see this that takes
• 2:04:41
  a toll. And then not to forget that he was
• 2:04:47
  verbally abused as a child, he was emotionally abused, he
• 2:04:50
  was sexually abused. Then he moves into this relationship with
• 2:04:55
  this woman who rates him, he has some doubt, who
• 2:05:00
  tells him he and a real man because he don't
• 2:05:03
  have a real job. Oh, he can't bring nothing to
• 2:05:06
  the table. But this man's working two jobs to provide
• 2:05:08
  a roof over your head, to make sure clothes on
• 2:05:11
  your back, food on your table, the kids are fed.
• 2:05:15
  How dare you not make yourself readily available for your partner,
• 2:05:22
  for your mate. Yes, men do go to the barbershop
• 2:05:28
  and they have the bars that maybe that's their sanctuary,
• 2:05:31
  but their home should be safe. They should be able
• 2:05:36
  to mentally unpack what they have going on, and you
• 2:05:39
  need to be there and support him, not put them down.
• 2:05:44
  For some of you, women don't care because it has
• 2:05:48
  to be all about you. That's selfish. So to you
• 2:05:54
  black men, I see you, I hear you, and I'm
• 2:06:02
  so sorry that that everything you gave to that woman,
• 2:06:07
  she threw it right back in your face. But I
• 2:06:12
  encourage you, black man, go get helped, Go talk to somebody.
• 2:06:17
  It's okay. It doesn't make you less than you know,
• 2:06:22
  Mela Yella says, excuse me, normalize communicating vulnerability, understanding compassion,
• 2:06:28
  and normalize the fact that none of the four equals
• 2:06:31
  to weakness. And that's how they make men feel. They say, oh,
• 2:06:35
  you're weak because what you got to be depressed about.
• 2:06:39
  Maybe he's not happy in this job, maybe he's still
• 2:06:44
  dealing with trauma from the past. Maybe he's still dealing
• 2:06:47
  with other issues. Maybe he's still dealing with mother issues.
• 2:06:49
  We don't know, but I appreciate you brothers when you're vulnerable.
• 2:06:55
  I appreciate when you're open, because now I can understand
• 2:07:00
  how to approach my husband. I remember when my husband
• 2:07:05
  was told that, you know that he had prostate cancer,
• 2:07:11
  and let me tell you, I waited a couple of
• 2:07:14
  days to ask how his mental ones because I know
• 2:07:17
  he needed time to process that. I knew he needed
• 2:07:20
  time to digest that, and I respected that, so I
• 2:07:23
  didn't try to old and bump bart him and say, well, Bay,
• 2:07:25
  how you feeling, how you feeling? How you feeling. I
• 2:07:27
  wanted him to process that, and when he was ready,
• 2:07:32
  he came to me. I asked him one day when
• 2:07:36
  I saw him walk through the door, because he was different,
• 2:07:42
  and I said, babe, how are you feeling mentally? He
• 2:07:46
  looked at me and say, Babe, I'm scared. And in
• 2:07:49
  that moment, I forgot about me and my mental help
• 2:07:55
  because I had to be in support of this man.
• 2:07:57
  I have to be and take care of him. He
• 2:08:01
  had his radiation seating done yesterday. Procedure went great, but
• 2:08:07
  he was anxious. He tossed and turned all night long,
• 2:08:10
  so I prayed over him so he could rest. He
• 2:08:16
  starts radiation therapy December eighteenth. I told him, baby, we
• 2:08:20
  got this. We're gonna beat this together. Wherever you fall short, baby,
• 2:08:27
  don't worry. I'm feeling the cracks. I got you. Anytime
• 2:08:34
  you want to talk, I'm here.
• 2:08:36
  Speaker 13: But no.
• 2:08:38
  Speaker 2: We but just know we in this battle, and we
• 2:08:41
  in this fight together, and that's what we have to
• 2:08:46
  start doing. Ladies, let that man say what he needs
• 2:08:50
  to say. Let that man unpack that, because what you
• 2:08:54
  don't want him to do is let it sit and
• 2:08:56
  then it piles and piles and piles, and it just
• 2:08:58
  specials in it before you know it explodes. We gotta
• 2:09:07
  do better, fellas. I need you to take care of
• 2:09:14
  your mentor for me. Whatever resources you need, message me,
• 2:09:22
  I got you. Matter of fact, you don't even have to.
• 2:09:24
  I'll post them on my page. I'll post them because
• 2:09:34
  I want you to feel better. I want you to heal.
• 2:09:37
  I want those wounds to finally close because I want
• 2:09:40
  you to walk in your glory. I want you to
• 2:09:45
  recognize and see how beautiful you are. I want you
• 2:09:49
  to know that whatever happened to you, when the past
• 2:09:52
  doesn't define who you are as a person. It's okay
• 2:09:59
  to show up those battle scores, but it's even better
• 2:10:03
  to let them heal. Just know I'm praying for your baby,
• 2:10:08
  and I love you. I'll never stop fighting for you.
• 2:10:14
  I'll never stop advocating for your mental I'll never stop.
• 2:10:24
  I'm on your side. I got your back. I do
• 2:10:37
  my final thoughts again. Today is International Men's Stay Tonight.
• 2:10:50
  We discussed all things men raging, from domestic violence to
• 2:10:56
  sexual abuse to mental health. I want you fellas to
• 2:11:03
  know I get it, I get it. I want you
• 2:11:15
  fellas to know that there are still women out here
• 2:11:20
  that are taking accountability for where we short changed you at.
• 2:11:25
  But I also want you fellas to know you gotta
• 2:11:29
  forgive the person or the people that hurt you. You
• 2:11:33
  gotta take your power back. You gotta know how valuable
• 2:11:37
  you are. You have to know how appreciated you are.
• 2:11:40
  You have to know that we still love you, we
• 2:11:45
  still need you. Again, you can't have women without man.
• 2:11:52
  And on that note, I gotter bring it to a close.
• 2:11:58
  Happy Wednesday. I hope everyone has a beautiful rest of
• 2:12:03
  the week. I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend. Don't
• 2:12:09
  forget to like, common, share and subscribe to a Black
• 2:12:11
  Girl Interrupted. I am on YouTube, I'm on all streaming platforms.
• 2:12:16
  Black Girl Interrupted is back in full swing every Tuesday.
• 2:12:20
  Every Wednesday, seven pm Central Time again. You can follow
• 2:12:23
  me on Facebook, TikTok interm Baby, I'm everywhere. Just come
• 2:12:27
  ill let your girl. But we'll be back next Tuesday. Yes,
• 2:12:31
  next week is Halloween, so I mean Thanksgiving. I'm so sorry,
• 2:12:34
  so what's happened? Because I want you, guys to enjoy
• 2:12:40
  your week with your family, your friends, or even if
• 2:12:43
  you're by yourself. I want you to be the best
• 2:12:47
  that you could be and know that I'm room for
• 2:12:50
  you on the other side. God bless you. I love you.
• 2:12:54
  Don't forget on Mondays. Don't forget to come over with
• 2:12:57
  a TikTok because I still am throing my mental Mondays
• 2:12:59
  at seven be in Central Time. Don't forget again. I
• 2:13:03
  hope you, lady gentlemen, had a beautiful time. I hope
• 2:13:06
  I learned y'all something today. I hope you walked away
• 2:13:09
  with some kind of nourishment, because if you have, I've
• 2:13:14
  done it exactly what I'm supposed to do. But I
• 2:13:17
  love you, God bless you, and I'll see you too Monday.
• 2:13:21
  Have a good night, see your lady. Edwind says, I
• 2:13:40
  needed it so bad. Thank you for you're welcome,