Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 7. From Cancel Culture to Conscious Conversations in Business and Life

Transcript

7. From Cancel Culture to Conscious Conversations in Business and Life · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey Legacy Maker, it's Elaine Lucartis, business and career coach for Women of Color and Allies, and your host for the Color Your Dreams podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I help Women of Color and Allies purposely pivot their business and career while collectively creating a sustainable and equitable future.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And in this episode, I just share how we need to go from counsel culture to conscious conversations in business and life.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we have conscious conversations, we can grow and learn from one another, understand one another, and become a better human, child, parent, partner, business owner, boss, whatever title you want to insert.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And in this episode, I share some personal stories, some examples from past careers I had, and even in my own business, on how I've had to have conscious conversations with other folks and how people, my loved ones and even my clients have given me conscious conversations.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, it's allowed me to become a better human.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we have these conscious conversations, rather than this cancel culture of canceling each other out, we become better as a human race.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So grab your coffee, tea, and or boba, and let's call your dreams to create your legacy.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: A great career or business, but what you've built may no longer feel aligned.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And in the Color Your Dreams podcast, I'm here, as well as my guests, to support women of color and allies like you to purposely pivot their business and career while collectively creating a sustainable and equitable future.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have real talk on the deep inner work to create lasting transformation and the tactical strategies to create a sustainable business and career while truly enjoying your life.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: We both know you have a vision, roots you're proud of, and a legacy to create.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's time to do things your own way, on your own terms.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get started.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Go grab your coffee, tea, and or boba, and let's call your dreams to create your legacy.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hey legacy makers! I am excited to just have this honest conversation going from cancel culture to conscious conversations in life and business.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just want to cancel cancel culture.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just being really honest.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: There is a reason why I am doing a podcast as opposed to sharing stuff on social media, because when someone says something wrong, they are not wrong, because I don't believe in right or wrong.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: But when someone shares something, it's like attack, attack, attack.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason why I want to share this episode and talk about going from council culture to conscious conversations in both business and life, because this is not just about business, this is about life.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is about being a human being.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's because of everything happening in Ukraine right now as a collective.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So one, a collective trauma, and two, each human, and I want to emphasize the word human, processes it differently.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I saw my friend earlier this week, and she's Armenian.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: She shared with me that when she went to school, her daughter, who's a teenager, people were asking her, like, oh, how do you feel about Russia and Ukraine?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And mind you, she's a teenager, and she was also getting triggered by everything that was happening in Armenia last year.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Well, I have no thoughts.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then people responded, Oh, you have no thoughts?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you're on Russia's side, just making these assumptions.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to understand she is a teenager and doesn't matter what age, right?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You could be a full-on adult, but she was processing it.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to understand people process whether it is a collective trauma or individual trauma differently.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, even in individual trauma was interesting.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to my brother about a situation that we encountered when we were younger.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I told him I remembered every single detail.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And for him, he did it.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: He just blocked it out, right?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Same traumatic event, but both of us process it differently.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: So beyond everything that's happening in today's world, what's unfortunate is how cancel culture is toxic in our lives and how it doesn't give us an opportunity to grow and understand one another.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like I want to give an example of how I was at one of my old jobs.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was working with someone.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: She was older, and she every single time I did something great, she would say, Oh, good girl, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: A compliment to her, but I had to really be in my feelings and my emotions, my body.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, that doesn't feel good.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember going to my boss, who I had such a great relationship with, and I shared this with her.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized, wait, it's my responsibility to have this conscious conversation with my coworker.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I was completely unattached to how she was going to respond.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: What I was attached about was sharing her how I felt and standing up for myself.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I shared with her, hey, and let's pretend her name is Jill.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's not her real name, but we're gonna go with it.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, Jill, I just want to let you know I absolutely love working with you.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at the same time, I I want to let you know that when you said good girl, it felt really condescending, demeaning.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like I was a dog.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to share that with you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know you probably come from good intentions, but it just came off wrong.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it was fascinating because, like I said, she is older than me, about her 60s at the time.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, Elaine, I didn't even realize that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing that with me, Elaine, because I've said that to a lot of women I've worked with, and she's in her 60s.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So she's been working for 40 years and no one has given her that feedback.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was the first one to give her that feedback.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what I learned from that situation is if we just share with other people, if we have these conscious conversations, we just could be better as a collective, as a human race.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I am not saying you are responsible to go out and tell every single person you meet when they have done something to upset you.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is not what I'm doing.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: However, you can make the discernment, you can make the decision on who you would like to share that feedback, that conscious conversation to.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the reality not everyone deserves your feedback or deserves having a conscious conversation.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we kind of talk about this in being an imperfect ally in the last episode, episode five with Eric and Indy on holding each other accountable.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sharing this cancel culture to conscious conversation because the whole premise of the Color Dreams movement is to learn how we could be better together to understand one another.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if we want to move diversity and inclusion forward, we need to understand one another because conscious conversations allows us to grow.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another thing I want to share.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about who's right or wrong.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I gave a career example, but I even want to share a personal example.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I remember I got into a fight with my boyfriend about washing the dishes.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he told me, oh, like, why don't you?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why aren't you wash?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't need to wash the dishes if you don't have time to.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we could just use the dishwasher.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, I need to wash the dishes.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we got into a big fight from dishwashing where we didn't even talk for two days.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know, dishwashing, right?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was reflecting in that moment when we were not talking to each other.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my gosh, that is why I feel this need to hand wash.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's because it came from when I was young and this traumatic event happened in my life where I had to be perfect.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when I had that realization, I went up and had a conscious conversation with my boyfriend.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I told him, hey, I want to let you know that the reason why I feel this need to just hand wash instead of doing the dishwasher is because of this traumatic event that happened.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt I felt like I needed to be perfect and do all the things.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if you think about it, for those that have dated, are dating with a partner in a relationship or relationships.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do you notice when you have a conscious conversation with that romantic partner and you fall more in love with them?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what happens when you have conscious conversations.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be romantic, but even platonic and working, you get to better understand other people.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's holding each other accountable.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I've talked about career in cancel culture and have conscious conversations and life.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And now I want to talk about how it shows up in business with people that are entrepreneurs.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it kind of shows up where you know, we open our phones.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how often do we do that?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: We do that all the time, right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: But we open up our phones or even talk to someone where they say, Don't do this, do this, don't listen to this person.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is, so you are human, you're responsible for your own decisions and how you want to run your own business.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And just because someone is saying to you to not do something or to cancel someone, you get to decide this.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another thing about cancel culture versus being having these conscious conversations.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's being really intentional in your business, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Are you doing intentional marketing or performative marketing?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are you focused on the addiction of the higher engagement likes and comments?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be transparent.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you could watch all the documentaries on it where you get dopamine hits from liking and commenting.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason why I'm in a podcast.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, who knows?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like you might dropped off and stop listening to this episode after this.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can't see it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get addicted to it.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: But social media is created to keep you on it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I just really want to emphasize just having these conversations.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been a business and care coach for almost what, five years, hitting almost 400 clients.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I notice there's a shift in society and culture for the better.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And humans are being more intentional about who they want to work with, as well as who they want to continue having friendships with, where we are focusing on having more deeper connections focused on values, as opposed to, I don't know, there's just a lot of smoke and mirror guys, lots of smoke and mirrors online.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, people have had horrible experiences with coaches or whatever entrepreneurs.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: people have told me, like, hey, do you really want to call yourself a coach?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, yes, I do.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I still have hope in it.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And just like coaches, there are also bad doctors.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: There are also bad teachers, like there's always good and bad, right?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: But what's really important is being in integrity and having these conversations.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing I also want to add on top of it, because I'm sharing how you're having conscious conversations with your audience, right?
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: As well as with your partner or with coworkers.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to talk about what happens when people approach you and give you feedback to have conscious conversations.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it may feel uncomfortable.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I will share my personal take on it.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a compliment when people who know you and love you feel safe to share feedback to you.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what I realize, it just makes me even better, right?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, for example, a client of mine shared with me feedback that of something I needed to work on to better serve her.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that feedback, I've actually implemented something new that I have added on to my clients.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, it was really hard to hear it.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, you know what?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: She is right.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to implement it.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying you take action every single feedback that you are going to do, but it's how we grow.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like when our own partners share with us feedback on what we need to do better in that relationship or even as a human being.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, all in all, I just want to show you how when we have these conscious conversations, rather than canceling each other out, rather than like, oh, you're so wrong.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm right, because it's not about who is right or wrong.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is about understanding one another.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like we get to understand how someone grew up and how they may have gone through a traumatic event, and that explains why they're like that.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Not saying that their behavior, if there's any negative behavior, it's excusable, but you get to come from a place of compassion and understanding when you get to better understand that person.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or even when I worked full-time with colleagues or even bosses, where I would share, hey, can you help me understand why we're doing this?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because one, two, three, four, five, I could see these possible issues help me understand.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: When we want to grow as humans, not even business owners, not even going up to the corporate ladder.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: But when we want to grow and really live this life of integrity, it's having those conscious conversations.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the most important conscious conversations that you should be having is with yourself.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Those conversations are really important.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not driving right now, I actually want to encourage you to get a pen and paper because I'm about to ask you some deep questions.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you're driving, please re-listen to this part.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Do not, I mean, if you really want to do pen and paper, stop, but get a pen and paper.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Just if you need to hit pause, go get it, go get it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to ask you a couple of questions and take time to answer these questions.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: One, are you truly in love with your life right now?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: And life could include your own career, your relationship, your family, home, all of it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Two, are you being intentional with the choices you make?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you quickly responding?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to answer that.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then three, what is the life you want to have beyond your career?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: How does that look like?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to picture it.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does your life like what is your most ideal life that you want to live?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then four, what are your values?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So transparency, integrity is really important to me.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Connecting.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Connecting is actually one of my top values.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I do podcasts.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I'm in I have my newsletter.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't joined yet, go to elanelu.com/slash join or I meet with people in person.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I just love connecting and connecting to myself.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like connecting to myself is so important.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And like that's journaling and reflecting.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: So answer all those questions.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's interesting is my biggest growth in life is when I'm aware when something needs to shift.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm looking at my past, whether it is ending a relationship, whether it is realizing I no longer love this job, changing careers, starting this business.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And even right now, I'm in the middle of it, is I am actually ending something, but I'm not going to share it in this episode.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: You are just going to have to catch in another episode.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: The universe doesn't like, I know Hollywood just shows up, but the universe isn't beaming at you and yelling at you, you have to do this.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, they're little whispers.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if you allow yourself and give yourself time to have these conscious conversations with yourself, you'll see where you need to work on and what actions you have to do.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, the most important conscious conversation you need to have is with yourself.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And there's so much beauty that happens when you have that and doing it more frequently, doing it even every day.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I've shared this before, but I journal every day.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I share what are my three gratitudes?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: What is the one thing that I learned from this past day?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: What are three wins?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: What am I the most excited about?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I used, I'm actually reflecting because I don't know if you guys had to do it.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: But when I was a kid, I remember journaling.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Remember those days, pen to paper where you journal like how was your day and all that stuff.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: So it's interesting I do that for myself, not because the teacher's telling me, but I just see the importance of reflection and how much we're learning.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: So all that to say is when you're going through something individually, collectively, an event has happened, and you feel angry, you feel any emotion, allow yourself to feel and pause.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't feel the need that you have to respond right away, or if you even have to respond.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: What's more important is figuring out what's going to work for you to take action.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said earlier, you don't have to record everything you do just so everyone knows where you're at.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: You get to make that choice.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, this is your life.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I also want to give some compassion if there are times you've made a mistake and someone felt safe enough to tell you and give you feedback that, hey, you're a human.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: I've made so many mistakes.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: I will continue to make mistakes.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just very grateful that I have relationships around me where they feel safe enough to give me feedback and hold me accountable and have conscious conversations.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you've enjoyed this conscious conversation with me.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I always love ending with reflective questions and an action.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I kind of gave you a couple of questions, so you actually have to go back and listen to those questions.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I actually do want you pens, paper, write out those questions and reflect.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: So those are my reflective questions and second action.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, you know what?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my action for you.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this conversation, share this episode, share this podcast with a friend that needs to listen.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: This episode's actually healing for me because when I decided to do a podcast, I felt this I don't feel as real and raw on social media, but I don't, I don't know what to share.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I caught myself being scared of like how real, how can I share?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I'll just have conscious conversation in the podcast.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I love about it is you, the listener, get to decide if you want to continue listening in or not.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I just appreciate all of you.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure to tune in next Thursday for the next new episode for the Call Your Dreams Podcast.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy Maker, did you enjoy today's episode?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: If so, subscribe to the Call Your Dreams Podcast and leave a rating and review.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: It goes a long way, and it's one of the best ways to support our Call Your Dreams movement.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Want more?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode in the show notes on my website, ElaineLou.com slash podcast.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, legacy maker.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next Thursday for our newest episode.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Remember to call your dreams too.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Create your legacy.