Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / How To Apologize To Your Wife So She Believes You | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep474

Transcript

How To Apologize To Your Wife So She Believes You | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep474 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: The best way to apologize, getting your partner on board.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: The impact that impacts trust.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Erectile dysfunction.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sexless marriage versus a lack of intimacy.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Manipulation, boundaries, and covert contract.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why closure is a myth in modern relationships.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: The best way to apologize.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Moral Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And we have uncovered something crazy to move your marriage forward.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: The trick is.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like Nike said, I don't have to say it right.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just do it.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just do it.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: So listen, okay.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: So what I want to do is just walk you through something that we are doing tremendously.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: We've talked about this for a minute on the podcast before, but it's actually happening in real time like crazy right now, and it's been going incredibly well.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: So you know I have been writing these songs, and they are making a lot of women feel seen and heard.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: If a man, sorry, excuse me, if a woman flips it, it can make her man feel seemed and heard.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I said seem and heard.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Seen and heard.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I just talked to a woman right now, and she wanted help picking a few songs to apologize to her husband.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: And when I heard a little bit of her story, it was so easy to say, um, well, he doesn't believe in any of your changes.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've she's one of the fastest women I've ever seen in Catherine's program grow and change.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I can't say her name, so I'll but her husband tell me later.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Her husband lives in the United States and she's in Canada now.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Her husband just got remarried.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: They are connecting like crazy.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you know this about them right now, but they are like really moving forward right now.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: She did every single step in my program.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: She just was like, okay, I'm gonna pay this money, I'm just gonna do whatever Catherine says, and she did all of it, and it's going amazing.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's how everybody who wins describes it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: I just did everything they said.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I just did it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's awesome.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: She's amazing.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the next thing I wanted to give her was the apologies that she could use.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so we went through a few of the songs, and here's why.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: When you understand you have some tools and you want to break your partner wide open with reflection, the very first thing she also wanted to do, you want to do, is you want to talk about how you've learned and explain what you've done.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: So you say, I'm sorry, and I've learned that I wasn't prioritizing you, that um I I wasn't um the kind of person that ever cared.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: You said specifically that you've told me this a thousand times.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, you haven't even said that for years.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, I stopped her and I was like, You're talking too much.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: I have a song called She's Invisible to You.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Just tell them that you have to flip it, that you've been invisible to me, but I learned something.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then shut your fucking mouth.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Play the song.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens is he starts to see all the reflection.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: The pa he gets to pause in the middle of it and go, Oh my gosh.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And she gets to say, I did that to you.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm so sorry, I did that to you.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: But doesn't stop there.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: We know that for a fact, she doesn't believe in all these changes.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: He keeps saying, in fact, like, I know I see all these things are happening, but I don't believe them.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have a song called How can this be real?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how can this be real?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is what he's saying.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: How did you change overnight?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Essentially, because she did.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: She really changed overnight.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: She did.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: We most people don't.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a little more time.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: She really crushed it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: But the same premise that you always hear when you need an apology is I don't believe the changes are real.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: How long are they gonna last?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna fix it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's too little, too late.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: So listen, I have a song called She Doesn't Believe My Changes Are Real.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Same thing, flip the premise, okay, that it's a it's she he doesn't believe my changes are real, but it's the same shit.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And we can with her, because they're having great conversation.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: I said, just stop it too.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys go down a wild rabbit hole listening to songs together and really connecting, great.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: But for her, I wanted her to talk.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I talked to another man though, along the same lines, but we went through some different songs.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: His wife, like most women, feels very used sexually.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have a lot of songs like that.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And at first, he wanted to use a song where he recognized he was using her.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I won't get into the title of that one, it's in there, there's many of them, but um, instead, what I did was I had him understand through just a few questions, man, she felt like she was carrying all the loads, including had to be there for you to blow your load.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Yeah, exactly.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So cool, use the song, she's carrying all the loads, and you can connect.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now, we can go deeper.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: She's never felt his empathy, and he's hyper focused on learning how to empathize from our program.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: But when I got to the bottom of it, what I realized was, no man, you don't have any remorse for what you've done.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Before you even apologize to your wife, I want you to listen to the lines of the song and think, I did that to my wife.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: How do I feel about that?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: You guys need to understand the difference between um remorse and repentance.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Remorse is feeling the guilt and the shame.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, feeling bad and understanding, take that a further and empathize.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Repentance is changing direction because of that feeling.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like that about me, so I'm never gonna hurt Catherine again.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Not that way.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: No fucking way.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: And in fact, I'm gonna stop every way I'm hurting.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you change the direction of the person.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: The exact opposite direction, to be specific.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, thank you.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so in other words, I want to give you guys some homework, okay?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want, you can like we're we're currently doing this with our clients right now, where I'm walking them through what songs to use, and they're filming it, and then we can actually look to see how they implement with the tools they have.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna use a stranger, meaning a guy not in my program.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: He's been learning a lot.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things he's very proud of is his new skill he's learned, active listening.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, active listening can be great, but what do you do with the knowledge that you're learning?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, are you remorseful?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Are you empathetic?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Are you passionate?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know how to validate, understand, empathize, and then move it to where you want to go?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because otherwise you're staying stuck there.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's no good to be out of one hole and in another hole.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: The validation hole is what I call it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a black fucking hole.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now they think you're therapying their ass or doing all the shit.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: And they don't think you actually care or remorseful and empathize.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: So what you have to understand is we're taking the footage from what these guys are doing, filming, how they're implementing, right?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, in other words, if this guy was filming this and he's active listening, I'll just be like, well, where was the connection?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Listening is not the connection that allows you to connect, it's a gateway.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: But what you can do is the same thing.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give you the same opportunity.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you want, film it.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta tell your partner you're filming it, okay?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna be a part of your little filming scandal, but what we can do is we can take the interaction.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, there's there's almost always tears because I put words of my life, which is what you guys connect with.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's your life.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: What do people what did the woman say to you on the phone?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: She wants to join the program.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and she said, When I'm in my house.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: When I heard that song, I was like, You're in my house.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, you know it's true.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: So the lyrics hit your partner the same way.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Once we see his life, though.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not mine.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were like, This is my life.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, our life, my boy.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the star witness.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what's really funny about that?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I just side sidetrack.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: This is super cool.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: There was a long time ago where I used to be a very bad man, as you know.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And when Catherine would say our kids, oh I'm sorry, my kids, I would lose my fucking mind.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: They are.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: But it's our life.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: It is yeah, exactly.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is the double standard, you guys.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Learn when to use it and when not to.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't say our our kids, you guys can take care of them.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, I'm just doing a podcast right now.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Ryan, Roman would have lost his shit and said, How can you be so hypocritical?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: You double standard bitch.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, I'm cast now, so I love my way.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I take care of them more, so they're my kids.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: All right, listen.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: They are his kids, though, you guys.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: They are.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're playing.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: You should learn how to do this with your own spells.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I should have a hug session inside just a minute ago.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so with the kids, he hugged them all.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: So he needs a pat on the back for that.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, I was just saying they're my kids.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I hugged them.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: So my the moral of the story is this, guys.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm opening this up to the public.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you'd have to go to our app, Morrow.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's our last name.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: The logo looks just like it does on my shirt.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's our last name, two big R's.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: How can anybody see your logo and your biceps are pump popping out of that shirt?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so, by the way, it's my logo, not ours, all of a sudden.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is fine, I'll take the kids as a trade.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: You take the logo, I'll take the kids.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you want, baby.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's our guys, go to the Moral app, M-O-R-R-O-W.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Download it, and just as you're in the free community there, you can you can get in touch.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Say, I want to share my video.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I use the songs to apologize and connect with my wife or my husband.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: We can use that to see how we can move you forward.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: The reason I'm doing this open up to the public is not because I want to watch hours of fucking video.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, we don't.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Make it five minutes, guys.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Do the best you can.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: The point is that what I want people to see is that you can actually connect.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Whether or not you want to work with us after is really irrelevant to me because you're on this podcast, you're learning a ton already.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: But what I do when I talk to people on the phone is I really say, like, I talked to a guy this week, why you've been following me for 10 months and implementing.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Why aren't you where you want to be?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because you can't do it alone.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't say that to run a business.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I say that because we still don't do it alone.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: We still have our coaches support us.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: We still have those people we've trained, we still hire other coaches.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so we can see the blind spots that you can't see.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: So record it, let them know you're recording it, use it as a connection piece, actually be remorseful, empathetic.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Think about what that would have felt like for your partner.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing don't just flip it if if I'm saying it as a man about a woman, okay?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna have to flip it if if it's a woman sending it to the man.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's irrelevant.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: We've all done that.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can think of a few songs.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Pretty woman.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh there's a whole bunch of anyways.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, anything else, baby?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I'll see you next time.