Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Break Up With Bad Habits

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Break Up With Bad Habits · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game of living in
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and with chronic pain and trauma, getting to the heart of how to heal.
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I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan
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on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones,
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and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and
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trauma world that we live in. We all have bad habits in life,
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right. I mean, I could list one hundred bad habits of mine right
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now, but we don't have that kind of time today. I've found that
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breaking up with bad habits is extremely challenging, especially when you're like in your
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forties and fifties, where you're already like ingrained and all of the stupid things
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you did when you were a kid and then a high school, in college
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or wherever you went in life. We all end up getting a little bit
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of banged up by our bad habits, right, and as we get older,
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as we continue to do those bad habits, they're extremely challenging to break.
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And it's these bad habits do end up holding us back from our true
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selves in my opinion, but we don't have to be stuck in these habits
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anymore because of my guest today. So, without further ado, I would
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like to introduce you to my guest today, Ronnie Loaiza. Hello, Darling,
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Laddie, Hi, Lindsay, Hi. Oh my goodness. Ronnie is
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a master certified professional life coach, certified habit coach, certified personal trainer.
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As a midlifer. With her clients, she helps people create easy, doable,
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easy guys, and doable habits that help them in their daily goals.
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Like how do we navigate illness, chronic fatigue, pain while staying on top
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of your game? Right? Like welcome to the peng Gain podcast. Right,
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we have to play the game right and we do it all the time,
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and it's exhausting, and I'm tired of being tired, and I'm sure
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you guys are as well, and that's why we've got Ronnie here today.
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So sign me up for navigating through all of that. I'd like to start
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talking about your definition of habits and why they are such an important aspect of
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our self care in our lives, and then let's kind of take it from
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there. God, I could talk about this for hours that much time,
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but a habit is what you consistently do on a daily basis. Will you
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consistently do all the time without thinking about it coming from your subconscious is a
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habit And all the meta studies show the research shows we're going to get all
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geeky here, but it's true. The meta study show that forty to fifty
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percent of all of our days, each one of us, without fail,
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are driven by habits. It's just a series of habits. So nearly half
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our day are our habits. That's really driving our days. It's trading our
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lives. And it's so hard when you're having a great day and nothing's wrong
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and you're feeling energetic and everything is on schedule. Yeah, right, when
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was that last time? But then when things get like blood gets thro on
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your windshield, how the heck are you supposed to keep up with your habits?
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It's the basic habits, the core habits, the good ones that will
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cheap you going eat when when all crap hits, that hits the band.
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Yeah, and I mean for me, I think about how habitual I am
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as a person, like up until fairly recently, when when chronic illness and
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chronic pain really kind of started to take over my life instead of me taking
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it over, which is where we've shifted now. But I mean I had
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created habits that I didn't even know that I was doing, just like you're
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talking about it subconscious we don't even realize the things that we're doing. I
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do this every single morning. We walk through the routines. We've got your
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dogs, your you know, everyone's throwing dishes in the thing. I mean,
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whatever it is, it's all habits. We all get used to them.
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What I find is I get bogged down in some of my habits big
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time. And a lot of it is my OCD and my cleaning and my
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organizing. It takes me forever to get started in the morning. It's setting
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aside my pain because that's part of it, but a lot of it is
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I go through the house multiple times all morning long to make sure everything is
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just so before I can begin my day, and it gets in the way
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of my productivity, even though I look like I'm being super productive, busy
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productive because you're doing stuff that is gliss of the house. It's good for
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your psyche. It's also calming you. You get something out of a habit.
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For me, that is the anxiety part. Of it. For me,
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waking up and getting everything kind of in its place helps me with anxiety.
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That's just kind of been my gig. You know, we all say
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good habit, bad habit. You know I'm going to take that out of
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there when I coach with people. It's not good or bad. It's just
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a fact. It's a habit. But you deem it, and you're the
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one that decides it's a bad habit, not society, not your mom,
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not your partner. If you know deep down in your court this habit thing
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is for me, then you know it is, and so you decide if
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it's a negative habit and not serving habit however you want to name it.
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But bad habits and good habits and everything in between, they reward your brain.
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So you do it for a reason because you might say, well,
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I do this, but I don't mean to, or you know, it's
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not serving me, So it's you know, how can it be given me
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something? It's giving you something. That's why you're doing it. You're used
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to it, and your brain only wants what you're used to. Your brain
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doesn't know any better. From Arcademan days, if you go off your norm,
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and that's your normal, and see if you go off your norm,
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then the brain goes, oh, danger, this is not normal, and
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so it wants to veer you back to get whatever it is you get out
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of it, even if you don't like it. After you do. Let's
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say you have a bad habit. You don't have a bad habit, you're
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just busy, and then you're like, oh, I could have been more
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productive. Well, and you keep telling yourself that, and you can chase
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some things so you can start tweaking them, a sort of evolving from them.
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But even a bad habit that people don't like themselves for right afterwards,
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they're sort of they call it an addiction, but let's it's not an addiction.
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It's just a habit. You're still getting something out of this. So
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that's what we exploring coaching. Well what are you getting out of it?
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And it doesn't take that long, It doesn't take years of therapy. You
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know what you're getting out of it, whether it's a sense of calm,
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a sense of peace, dopamine, the instant reward, whatever it is,
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you're getting something out of it. So how I start with people is reward
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yourself. Reward yourself for how whatever little time action you do. And that
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was the part you were saying easy and doable. Yeah, when people and
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it stopped me when you want to stop me, because I could get ramble.
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But when people want to start a new action, I call it a
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new behavior. I really have to rein them in. Like well, Bessie,
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slow down, pick one. We come up with like ten ideas of
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small behaviors that will drive them to a habit. So you don't pick your
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habit right away. It becomes a habit because how it becomes a habit,
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it's repetition. I mean, you were born out of your mommy's wumb.
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Knowing how to brush your teeth. You were taught repetition. Repetition. Same
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with tying your shoe, saying I'm gonna get gross, wiping after you go
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to the bathroom. I mean, that becomes a habit you don't think about
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because you're wide and you know whatever it is. So we come up with
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idea. You come up with the ideas if you're being coached, and then
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we pick from that and everybody, almost everybody without fail, always picks like,
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well I can do four or five of these. No, no,
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no, no, that's just it. Where we go to a lot of
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programs and plans and diets and all of this. We get all this great
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information, all these great acts, and we put them under our arms.
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We're ready to take off, and we're starting implementing all of them, and
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then they all slip out from under your arm. It's too much. Your
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brain is not used to it. As smart as you are, and as
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a go getter as you are, it's too much. So you pick one
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tiny out of all those and you picked, like, what's doabul realistically for
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you when you're at your lowest, when you're either depressed, lethargic, feeling
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ill, not in the mood. Your partners get in the way, your
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family gets in the way, the dog gets sick. Business wants more.
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What you can do at the minimum, That's what we pick, and we
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work on it retic repetitively, and then we all so picky. Reward.
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It's got to be an instant reward, not the long term goal, not
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the long term growthhy a trophy. You have to award yourself every single liddle
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time. Well, and I like that, because you know I like that.
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You brought up diets and all of all the fad dietes, all of
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this, all of that, all keto and paleo and this, that and
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the other thing. We all jump on the bandwagon all of the time.
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I certainly know I've jumped on a lot of different wagons, and I've fallen
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off of a bunch of wagons as well. But you had mentioned therapy when
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you were just speaking, and I know that there's a difference for all of
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us in the type of therapy that we get in our lives. But for
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you, there's something in particular where you talk about in your practice coaching versus
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therapy. Can you talk a little bit on that, because there is a
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difference, and I would love for you to share what your thoughts are on
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it. That's the hardest thing for me to talk about because I'm like,
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this is not this articulate. But I know it's one of those things like
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like porn. You know it when you see it, you know what I
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mean, I know when you experience it. Not that I'm an experience by
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my own foreign star. I don't need to watch it. Who said that
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in the first place. Somebody said that. I think somebody said that,
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so, but it's therapy really is basically when you go back and you explore,
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and there's a lot of things that sound the same. But when therapy
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you have to get it out from in your soul, from in your core,
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whatever you believe in and express it. It's going to get out of
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you. And people go back and they can spend years on therapy and what
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they want to do is talk they want, and that's talk therapy. There's
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cognitive behavioral therapy, which is sort of like habit therapy because mine is all
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cognizant behavior. But therapy is a lot of and I'm generalizing and broad brushing
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here is a lot of going back to see why and trying to analyze why,
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and a lot of getting it out of you. And then if you
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continue with therapy, it's because y'all want to talk about it and you don't
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want to talk about it with your partner or whoever every day. I mean,
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there's only so much that your friends can do. Plus, friends are
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subjective. Therapists and code and counselors we're supposed to be objective, but for
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the most part, family loves you. They're biased. Even if they say
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they're not. Your friends love you. They have a bias. We all
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have a bias. If we have kids, we're going to be biased as
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objective as we want to be as parents. So therapy is more of the
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background. Coaching is we already know where you are, and we decide on
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your goal and we start working toward it progressively. And a lot of my
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clients, and I was told this as I started training, that to be
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a coach, a lot of coaches compliment their people's psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists,
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and a lot of therapists have become smart and become coaches, and a
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lot of therapists welcome coaches because we complement each other. Yeah, that's great
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because you know, you hear people say like, I've got my life coach.
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You're like, oh, come on, really, you need a life
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coach. Yes, we have a life coach. We don't know what the
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hell we're doing around here, and you know, coaches not and the coach
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is not somebody to kitchen. The butt goes girl, go go go go.
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I would hate that. It really isn't. I don't believe in this
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just do it stuff. I really don't. Just like when I was a
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personal trainer, and I still am for a select few, I do not
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believe no pain, no game, that's bullshit. Sorry I'm cussing, but
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oh but we made that pain. Yeah, I mean it's nuts in that
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regard. That's why I see you need rewards and to start learning how to
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reward yourself. I just had a lady yesterday when I was coaching. You
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know, I'm preticting confidentiality, but she's an example of many of my clients.
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She was putting in what fulfills her CoA was just starting to work on
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her career, which is what she came to me for and happens to her.
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I don't know where to start. She's sixty three, is she wants
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to start a new career. Things happened during your health, and just like
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a lot of people, they come to me for one thing, we end
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up working on various aspects of their lives, their relationships, their health,
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their fit is all this. So we really dealt with their health for two
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months because she helps to take care of that. But when we started working
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on what fulfills you list a number of times, well, when you can
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recall what makes you feel fulfilled, whatever that means for you, and a
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lot of it was she liked when people are content without what I did.
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Something I like it when people when people feel helped when I have helped them.
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A lot of it was when people approve of her or like what she
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did, or it involved a lot of other people. I'm like, all
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right, do you like carrying out a plan? And do you like it
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when it all comes together? And she was like, well, yeah,
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why, well because it makes people happy? Are you happy if nobody knew
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you did it? If the tree fell in the forest and you were the
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only one that pushed it, would you be happy? And it took a
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lot of that for her, and she almost started crying, and I'm like,
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Krumby, do you want to She's like, I don't know what feels
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fulfilled. It always seems to involve people approving of me. Well, hell,
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we have to find what makes you feel fulfilled. All no, and
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you've got to start rewarding yourself and lauding yourself because only you really you know,
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I don't know. I'm not your guru. No therapist is your guru.
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And run run run around. If you find a guru type you know
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deep down, and that's what we do. Cord it out of you.
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You pour it out tode well, and that's wonderful when we were talking about,
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like, for example, today, I'm going out of my comfort zone
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today because my birthday was a couple weeks ago and it was Mother's Day and
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so I got my mother's my mama give certificate to go to this new day
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spa thing that we just found. Anyways, I never do that kind of
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self care for myself because what I will do and I know this within myself,
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and I'm going to walk in with a totally different mindset because I have
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to shift it when I walk in the door, is I am already done
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with the massage, done with the day SPoD, done with the relaxation before
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I even walk in. And I know that habitually about myself, and I
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know that I will almost ruin it because I am out of my comfort zone
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and because I don't do a lot of self care like I should. And
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this was one thing that I needed to do for myself and for my mom.
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But it was a reward for all of these things that I said as
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soon as I did all this and I got this done, I was gonna
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do this. And I don't even know if that makes any sense to you,
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but yes, but habit wise, that example is exactly what I do
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all of the time. I'm already I'm always worried or prepped or I've got
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to get done with this before I can even enjoy something. And it's kept
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me away from enjoying some really awesome experiences in my life of over my entire
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life because of that exact mindset. It's weird. I invite each you.
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I'm not coaching you out back a little bit. I invite eat you as
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you're driving there, even as you're grabbing your keys. If you're excited,
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like, yeah, I'm gonna go get a massage and I always been time
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with mo mom. Yeah, sure, your truth. That's to become the
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phrase. But say whatever's true to you. If you don't feel excited,
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you're already feel like I got so much to do on Friday, and I
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want to get this over with it. You know, I know I'm gonna
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have any touch all that chatter, right, Say whatever is true to you.
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If you literally say I am going now, and that's it, because
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that's the truth. I am going now, I am and I don't want
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to go, or I have some resistance and I'm going anyway. Don't say
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but say and and I'm going anyway. As you walk out the door,
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as you walk into that spam. I resisted this or I'm feeling more resistance
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and I'm doing it anyway, look at me. Yeah, and this is
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a complete first world problem. By the way, here, I am going,
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oh my goodness, I have to go to a dayston today. No,
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the point is, I never do it, and so it makes me
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very uncomfortable. And one of the things that I'm doing it for is to
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challenge myself to not be so scared of taking care of me in all of
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these different areas in my world. I'm great in some these particular areas,
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like going and getting official or even just going and having lunch with the girlfriend.
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I end up like sabotaging it before I could even do it. And
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I don't know where that comes from outside of trauma for a billion years,
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you know, But that deep rooted thing keeps me that that habit of mine
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is my worst habit. But you give me hope. As far as all
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of our your easy steps, you're easy doable. You give me hope and
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in so many ways in order to work through that habit and create a different
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mindset, different, get rid of that noise and add different noise in.
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I don't want a punk rock band in my head. I need some classical
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music right now. But the first thing is say, I'm hearing that noise
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and I'm doing it anyway. I don't feel like going, and I'm here
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anyway, you know. But think about it, Lindsay, and this is,
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like you said, it's a first role problem. Yes it is,
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but it's real, it's your problem, It's real. Yeah, yeah,
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But what about women who I have dealt with this? And that's why I
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reached out to you, and I was I told you when we first met,
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I was so scared to reach out to you because when people look at
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me, they would never especially with the energy I have all day I push
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and I pushed, I push myself, they would never ever know that I
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have chronic pain twenty four to seven. Really, even when I sleep,
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when I wake up to go pee, my pain's there. But I reach
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out to you because I started helping people and people start talking to me about
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this, and it's like I shared this with you. I realized I relate
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to people and they got it. It's like, oh my god, somebody
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understands why. I'm like, don't you wish you could go to the doctor
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and hook up something on an exact spot where you hurt because you can't really
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explain it when you go to the doctor and you're like, more, what
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does it hurt? You're kind of around the area, but you know where
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it is, don't you wish you could put it on the doctor, put
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it on yourself so they could feel your pain because you don't know how to
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explain it, and they're like yes. So imagine back to habits, when
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all of a sudden, you have to do all these things you don't freaking
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want to do, like take twelve medications, or or you have to work
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out even though you don't want to. Whatever it is, you got to
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start small with one tiny action, not even a habit that will at least
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get you through. And the self talk starts with it can be I hate
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this and I'm doing it anyway. Look at me and say it out loud,
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because when your brain hears it, it's sort of like feedback from your
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earphones and the speaker. Your brain hears it. Our brains are computers.
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It will go noted, and you're doing it anyway, noted. You're capable.
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We're going to that folder and we're going to keep it there. We
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can access that that later, but it's not at the forefront of your mind
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right now. And it's not like I'm not excited to go down and do
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this today, but it's it's just one of those things. I woke up
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the story and going, why do I feel anxious right now? And then
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I identified what it is because it's kept me away from all of these other
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things in my life that would have been amazing if I had done. Yeah,
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well, then to your mindset. That's how you reset your mind.
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Yeah, your mindset. Well, we're setting our mind it's your habitual way
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of thinking. We can change a lot of our habitual way of thinking.
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You said something in the beginning, and I can't I'm paraphrasing now, but
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it was about how you you're in the habit of I'm going to say,
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expressing yourself, but a way of doing things. We also have the habit
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of relating to different people in different ways. We are in the habit of
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relating to a certain person way differently than we do another person. So we
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also have ways of expressing ourselves our an habitual way. We're in the habit
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of expressing ourselves in certain ways. We express ourselves way differently in certain family
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dynamics than we do at work or with our doctor. Oh, really powerful
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smart women. We're mostly talking about women there, but men too. Men
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just don't talk to their doctors and just go hey, by, how's it
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going fine? But for the most these great women, powerful smart, intelligent,
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go to the doctors and all the okay, how to go? What
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they say they want to share with me? Find that he said this,
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well why I don't know. They don't ask why I'm not saying be a
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Karen, no offense to Karen's. My bestment in high school was Karen.
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But but you know what I mean. It's like, no, don't go
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to weather and d announced all these ridiculous questions. But yet us ask all
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the questions that you have. And when they tell you about take this medicine
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or do this, you might want to do that or I think this,
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Ask your doctor why? Why? Why? Why? Because you have the
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right and the responsibility to yourself to know why and get the best lyrist explanation
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you can. If they don't want to give you a clear explanation, get
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a second opinion, get a third opinion. Your entire team, your massage
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therapist, your chiropractor, your holistic worker, your nutritionist, your functional medicine
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doctor, whoever they are your team. Make them your team, yeah,
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for sure. And putting together a team of geniuses for your life and your
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health and your well being is no easy feat to find the right people.
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I've been on this journey for almost eight years now, and I've seen so
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many doctors I don't need. I just I'm blue in the face, you
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know, and that ends up getting to that place, especially when you're chronically
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ill and all of that stuff. But you've got some methodology and your work,
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and I would like to talk a little bit about that and how we
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can talk about your methodology, your three pillars of it, and how crucial
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that is to your work with your clients. So here's the thing, and
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this is an instant, instant mindset change. I didn't come up with it.
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It's so so ancient, but people forget in order don't really know about
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it. Okay, when you have a habitual way of backing, Okay,
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you react to somebody at warri or whatever it is, you react or you
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act because of an emotion. Need to all have an emotion, even if
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it's a split second So whoa stop yourself, take a beat. What emotion
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are my feeling? And there are five basic emotions and then a little sub
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emotions under it. There's joy, despair, anger, fear, and doubt.
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Doubt is not fear, It is not You can doubt something and not
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be fearful of it. You can doubt, yeah, I doubt that,
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and you have no fear. So it's doubt, I'm sorry, doubt,
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sadness, despair, anger, and joy. Now out of joy, that
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doesn't necessarily happy, happy, joy, joy. There can be content,
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peaceful, happy, at rest, whatever it is, a lot of little
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things come under that, and a lot of times the fear and the sadness
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are subsets. But sometimes it's just sadness, no fear. Okay, So
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notice what you're feeling and put it under one of those What thought made you
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feel that way? Even if you don't think there's a thought, there has
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to be a thought. You're a human being with a computer brain, and
22:04
had a thought, even in the most enlightened speed, thought that provoked that
22:07
feeling. That's kind of therapy. But in two seconds, what did I
22:11
think? This neutralizes it? Your brain looks for that one nugget of doubt
22:18
that you doubt yourself and looks for evidence to prove to you even that one
22:22
little stand of doubt, that that doubt is right. So tell yourself whatever
22:26
is the truth. In other words, you change that emotion. Ask yourself,
22:30
is that thought one hundred percent true? Is that an absolute fact?
22:33
Most of the time it's not. Okay. Now, if it is,
22:37
yay, you have to act on that fear or that doubt or whatever.
22:41
But if it's not one hundred percent true, change your thought, even if
22:45
it's just a neutral thought. Yeah, And all of those through tiny little
22:51
decisions that we can make throughout our days, which make which yield huge results.
22:56
They do. I've watched it within myself where I change one little thing,
23:00
or I added a new habit, I added something new, and over
23:03
the past couple of months we dipped into like some pretty dark and dirty places
23:07
in order to pull out so much junk out of my body. Like just
23:11
I was on this mission. Well, I am on this mission to heal
23:15
myself, as you guys all know, and it's just it's exhausting to do
23:18
that. When you bring on I'd like to move into a little bit about
23:22
talking how you work with your clients. Then following with that, how we
23:26
can find you. I like to say it will be custom tailor it to
23:30
you, but it really is. We get to note. You need to
23:33
share with me what you want to share, and I am really good at
23:36
pulling things out and getting you to sofa flet. But we just get to
23:38
know each other. You have a feel for me, my vibe. I
23:42
suppose your vibe because people have to feel comfortable and whatever did you come to
23:48
me to? And a lot of people come to me at first with not
23:49
knowing where they want to begin. Yeah, and so with many people I
23:53
give them more work. I'm like, you're these twelve facets of your life?
23:56
Where are you now? And where would you not goals? Not like
24:00
in five years I want to have ten million dollars or whatever, but how
24:03
would you like it to be? So where is is it now? Social,
24:07
spiritual or religious, financial, health and fitness at twelve facets of your
24:14
life? Career, all of this stuff, family parenting, so you feel
24:18
that even if you're not a parent, people thought of like the their kids,
24:22
their best friend's kids, or they're a godparents. You fill out.
24:25
My nephew is living with us right now, I'm as guardian right now.
24:27
It's a completely new thing that hopped into our world zone and it's it's funny,
24:33
and some people even put their pets. So you fill up the twelve
24:36
facets of your life. And at first it's like, oh, this is
24:37
a little much, but then it's not. And then we find whatever it
24:41
is you want to work on, and we start small. We set a
24:45
compass in psycholic, set your direction because again people want to go, Okay,
24:48
I had this goal and I got to reach it then and blah blah
24:51
blah blah. It's like, well, Bessie, I kind of compare it
24:53
to you. I came up with this like GPS. When you put in
24:56
something your GPS, you have to put in an address or sometimes at least
24:59
very like the corner of this and this and so, and then often it
25:03
asks you do you want to departure time or an arrival time, And sometimes
25:07
the GPS could start off of the satellite doesn't work or whatever. I mean,
25:10
you can really get thrown off or there's a word closure instead of the
25:12
GPS and I having to be so exact. I know, people say you
25:15
got to know exactly what you want and slipping them down, but take it
25:18
back to just set your compass and what direction do you want to go,
25:22
because if you know you're heading north or south or whatever, you'll start coming
25:26
up with the choices like do I want to take this freeway? Do I
25:29
want to go off on this front and trow? Do you start making the
25:30
choices? Don't worry, they'll come up, and so set your compass first,
25:36
what's your direction? What goal do you have? And then why and
25:40
I know you've heard this a million times why, but we really go,
25:41
well, why that? Well? Because of this? Well? Why that?
25:45
Well? Because of this? Well? Why that? I mean really
25:48
filtered down? Why? Why? Why? Why? Your poor reason?
25:52
Why? Then that's your goal? That's your direction. And then we go
25:56
ahead and set up the GPS, okay, time location, when, where?
26:00
How, how are we going to execute it? What's going to activate
26:03
it? We activate that action. Every action you take as an activator,
26:07
whether it's subconscious or conscious, you have something that goes I got to do
26:11
this now, Like you have that in the morning. You know I do
26:14
do that. Even when you think you of ACD, you're not scattered.
26:15
You kind of have that routine. So there's always something to activates your brain,
26:19
now this, now this, and now that. So we set up
26:22
an activator that will work more than just the postcard and the alarm clock,
26:26
because a lot of people turn off the alarm clock and they don't go do
26:27
that thing, or the postcard just becomes part of It's in front of your
26:30
face and you ignore it. So we really set up what's going to activate
26:33
that action. We boost your ability. Did you set yourself up in the
26:37
right way? And we give you an instantly board celebrate it. So if
26:42
with me, they celebrate it with me, they text me right away even
26:45
if like really, now, that is not nagging, that is not keeping
26:48
up on you, That is celebrating. That's why what they call it celebrative
26:52
accountability. We dance. We do a happy dancea when you look at you,
26:56
you did it. If they only want to go dawn, I have
26:59
clients that just give me that emogic means check mark. That's fine, but
27:03
you've got to say it out loud because when I'm not around, get in
27:06
the habit of celebrating yourself like done, done, did it, Because when
27:10
you say it out loud again, your brain hears it goes yes, you
27:11
did, note it. So make it rewarding, and then make that repetition,
27:17
support the repetition, and we go all over all that and deatch all
27:19
whatever thease you're working. So once again, activator, pish your ability,
27:22
make it rewarding, support the repetition. Those are wonderful to hear because I
27:27
mean, oh gosh, the celebrating ourselves that that is a wonderful way of
27:33
putting it, because it is we forget to celebrate even the tiniest of things,
27:38
you know. And I do have those dialogues with myself of where I
27:42
feel all pumped up, just like you were saying. You go to like
27:45
some big conference and this motivation thing and you're taking scrupulous notes and everyone's cheering
27:49
and everyone's clapping, and then you get home and its reality and you're like,
27:53
well, I don't have three hundred and fifty people cheering with me anymore.
27:56
So now what do I do? Well? I did that for a
28:00
week, or I did that for two weeks, and then you know,
28:03
my dog got sick, my kid got expelled, and you know, and
28:07
then and then and then all the noise of our world pops in and takes
28:10
it takes our self care right out from underneath us. But we have the
28:14
power to not allow that to happen. And so for me, I know
28:17
that boundaries are a lot of part for me on changing some of my own
28:21
habits, because a lot of my habits are actually towards helping other people,
28:26
and that is getting in the way of me on all kinds of on all
28:30
kinds of realms, from borrowing money or excu from lending money to people to
28:36
care, yeah, exactly, taking care of everybody else, taking care,
28:40
taking care, And it's driving me bonkers because I'm like, I'm not even
28:45
I'm celebrating you you right now because I helped you get there. I'm celebrating
28:48
you right now because I helped you get there. I'm celebrating Ronnie right now
28:52
because you helped this episode come to its fruition right And somewhere in there,
28:56
I forget that I need to celebrate something. You know, it's nuts this
29:02
show though this I celebrate, yes, and I celebrate that my pain level
29:07
has been dropping that I'm celebrating, and a lot of that is because of
29:11
the conversations that I'm having with people like you, where I'm picking up and
29:14
I'm learning all of these new habits if you will to try to help my
29:18
healing process be less overwhelming. And because when you're on the kind of path
29:23
I'm at, you know, you're looking at your counter with like seventeen thousand
29:26
different supplements and drops and shakes and this and that. You know, battling
29:30
eating disorders, battling chronic pain, battling chronic illness, brattling insomnia and anxiety
29:37
and depression. I'm a great little package all tied up into a bow.
29:41
Oh, I know, And I near you. I absolutely hear you.
29:45
When you talked about motivation. I went on a ranch one time on Instagram,
29:48
and I'm not that I think goes on and does reels, But for
29:52
some reason, I turned on my camera like do you have a motive?
29:55
Do you have a load of for wanting to do that? There's your motivation?
29:56
Go yeah, because we're always looking for moti. No one's going to
30:00
go behind You'll proude you all day long. No. No. And the
30:03
willpower, I'm so sicknfering willpower. We're not in the military, we're not
30:07
in baute camp. You know, willpower is an We have an infinite source
30:11
of willpower. We just have to keep turning it on. We have to
30:14
keep revving up that willpower, and after a while I gets exhausting. Screw
30:18
willpower. The most self controlled people are the ones that don't need to control
30:22
so much. Seriously, they don't need to turn on the willpower so much
30:26
because they've got their habits in place. They align themselves and go back to
30:30
boundaries. Boundaries are not for other people. They're not going to uphold your
30:33
boundary. You can tell your friends about it, and good for them if
30:37
they support you, but you know they kind of resist, and especially family,
30:41
God love them and God love us because we do it too to our
30:42
family members. It is not up to other people to respect your boundaries.
30:47
I know that sounds weird. It is up to us to uphold our boundaries.
30:51
We say that fence, we look over the fence, Go high,
30:53
neighbor, I'm going to go back in now. We have to maintain that
30:56
fence for ourselves, yes, and put it in a loving way to others.
31:02
This is why share as much as you want. But it's to you
31:04
to hold up your boundaries for yourself. And you can. And that's why
31:07
I say you have to have that talk with your partner. You have to
31:10
have that talk with your family so they understand that boundary they gam it.
31:15
And I love the way that you put that because it's exactly true, you
31:18
know, Like I always I always say I can't. I am not in
31:22
control of how somebody else is going to respond to anything in their life,
31:26
whatever it is, whether I'm part of it or not part of it.
31:29
I am not responsible for their their reaction to something that happens in their own
31:34
life, quite frankly, or in my life, you know. And that's
31:38
one of that's something in boundary that is definitely a challenge for sure. But
31:42
I love the way that you put that, so thank you. I needed
31:45
to hear that a little bit today because I've got a boundary some people this
31:48
afternoon. Okay, boundary yourself with those people, Yes, thank you,
31:56
Okay, boundary myself with these people. My eyes are closed in my fist.
32:00
Start in a prayer like manner right now, because I need all the
32:06
help I can get today and tomorrow. I am noting up boundaries for myself.
32:15
Women don't want to ask for help, even though we say we do.
32:16
We say we're going to ask our friends. But your podcast also has
32:20
served for people that get help from you. Because they don't want to talk
32:23
about it because they're afraid their friends or their family and their partners are sick
32:28
of hearing it, or they're not sacred hearing it. But we're afraid that
32:30
they're sick of hearing it. Oh, we just are sick of talking about
32:32
it. Yeah, and they hear you. They're asking you for help.
32:36
You don't even know that. You don't even know your listeners who are asking
32:38
me for help, and then they're getting it from the variety of guests.
32:42
Well, you know the goal. I mean that is talk about waking up
32:45
and what's my goal? That's my goal every morning of my life is somehow,
32:47
some way, even if I touch one person and not in a gross
32:52
way. Don't watch it, guys with your mind and the gutter. No,
32:55
I just wish that I could touch at least one person with each episode,
32:59
and I for sure know that I have, And so with my goals
33:01
in mind for the show, they're grand. We're just getting started here.
33:06
Guys. Weird you made me think it's something I hope you don't mind me
33:09
shared. But this is I was watching The Dire suggest Ray but somebody I
33:13
heard somebody once again say this is my bias. Okay, this is my
33:15
thing, so please forgive me. I don't mean to offend anybody. I
33:19
respect your beliefs, all of them, whether your atheist, Agnostic, Christian,
33:23
Jewish, wherever it is, Buddhist, I respect all of them.
33:27
And I'm fascinable by different beliefs and I respect them. But myself, just
33:31
me, just Ronnie. I don't believe that things happen for a reason.
33:36
I really don't. I believe that things happen because of a reason. The
33:40
randomness is odds, it's math, it's scientific, and damn it ef it.
33:45
I am mad that I'm sickle whenever it is. But I thought of
33:50
this. Mother Teresa came to mind because she was my north star. I'm
33:54
Catholic, and I grew up Catholic, and I still go to church because
33:58
I like the rituals. I really uphold it, Jill pull the rituals of
34:00
my parents and my grandparents, that's it, just because they're pretty. But
34:06
you know, I really really started to doubt my faith years ago. And
34:09
when I read mothers Teresa's insights, she said that every single day of her
34:15
life she doubts her belief her faith. Wow, and I was like,
34:20
oh my god, if she well, you just made a lot of people
34:27
in their cars very happy, Ronnie, because you know why, because she
34:32
doubted the religion and did it anyway. She went and made her purpose,
34:39
just like you're making your podcast your purpose to say, she made it her
34:43
purpose to go out and reach out and feed the hungry and talk about it
34:47
and advocate and keep going out there. She made her poverty a purpose.
34:54
She made her doubt a purpose. She didn't believe in God half the time,
34:58
and she admitted it, but she believed in the tenets of it.
35:02
So that was that became for why. So I'm bringing this back to this.
35:07
We may not know why we have whatever it is we have, and
35:10
as you have or loopers or the thing that they can't I have five hard
35:16
eaded diss and I have a whole bunch of basic just add up, right.
35:19
I don't know. I'm not going to say, well, God made
35:22
me this way for a purpose. I don't think. So. I know
35:24
it happened, and I'm gonna give it a purpose. I'm going to do
35:29
something about it and with it, Like I say, I'm giving my pain
35:31
purpose. That is my line, that's my tagline. Because the other way
35:36
sucks, and I did the other way, and it's a very scary place
35:40
to not give your pain purpose, to let it completely devour you and take
35:45
your soul away from you and exhaust you, and and and right, it's
35:52
it's exhausting, and so giving it purpose gives the pain meaning to me.
35:57
Right, I wake up with it and it's there. Do you ever get
36:00
angry that you about feeling the way you feel when you feel down or bad.
36:06
I don't deal with a lot of anger about my pain. Yeah,
36:10
sadness for sure, grief for sure, a little bit of self doubt as
36:15
to why it all happened, I guess, because I definitely know that things
36:20
in my twenties have caught up with me. I think a lot of people
36:22
can identify with that. But when it comes to my particular health and the
36:25
issues that are within me, there were things that were done in my early
36:29
in my twenties, basically mostly my twenties, that I have no regret but
36:34
absolutely have led to me in my health care for sure. So I get
36:37
angry with myself about my past, which is stupid because it can't change it.
36:43
I can just make it better or go forward. But anyways, we
36:45
don't need to get more onto that because we're already kicking a can down the
36:47
street. And I guess, I guess some people get angry and a lot
36:52
of people say why me, why me? Yeah, And you know other
36:54
people will be like, oh, well, good because God gave you a
36:57
purpose to do with this. It's God's plan. If you want to believe
37:00
that, then it's your truth. Yes, to go out. Gave you
37:02
that. And then what do I do with this? What does you want
37:05
me to do with it? Or she or whatever? What does a universe
37:07
want me to do? What do I want to do with this? And
37:09
really do not to sound all yoda ish, but if you really dig deep,
37:14
dig deep down, you know what you want to do with it?
37:16
The answer is within you. You don't have to like wait for a sign.
37:22
You decide what is it that I truly believe I can do and want
37:25
to do with this? It's wonderful. Where can we find you online?
37:30
My girl, Ronnie Low it's just my last name Elo Lowisa, So Ronnie
37:36
Low Life Coach is my website Ronnie r O N and I E L O
37:39
Life Coach. It's all one word, but it'll be on your show notes.
37:43
Ronnielolifecoach dot com my website and that's really my handle everywhere Instagram, Facebook,
37:49
I have a Facebook hopeful of wonderful women, so look for me in
37:52
there and uh yeah, that's my social quest for Ronnie Low Life coach.
37:55
I love it. Thank you so much. Is there anything that you'd like
37:59
to leave our listeners with before we jam on? Ata? Here? You
38:01
can. You can be set in your ways. I'll get the eight twenty
38:06
fifty nine this summer. You can be set in your ways. We're all
38:08
set in all ways, but you don't have to be stuck. I love
38:13
it so very much. Thank you so much for your time with me today,
38:15
Ronnie. I'm sure we'll be talking soon, Okay, and schul your
38:20
massage and your mom oh my goodness, thank you. Only women do birth
38:24
months, by the way. Oh man, it's been a pleasure. Thank
38:30
you so much, Ronnie. You are exclusively invited to share this celebrating yourself,
38:35
taking care of yourself with new habits, tiny habits that will go forever
38:40
for you. Guys, Let's get to the heart of how to heal with
38:44
you by my side. Do you know anybody that needed to hear this conversation
38:47
today. I know there are bits and pieces throughout it, even though I'd
38:51
already met her, that I needed to get from this episode today. But
38:53
if you do take it all in with you, Ronnie and I are here
38:57
for you. If you have any questions about anything, we will have everything
39:00
in show notes, have everything up on social for you. Guys, you
39:02
can always find Ronnie Welcome to the Pain Game Podcast. That's what we're here
39:06
for, right Let's connect together and hear your stories of strength and grit.
39:09
I am here to provide you with a safe space to be vulnerable and honest
39:14
while sharing your powerfully amazing stories. Please follow us at the Paygame podcast dot
39:20
com or wherever you digest your podcast content, we will be there. Visit
39:23
us at the Pain Game podcast dot com and follow us on all the socials.
39:29
Thanks for listening to my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side.