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The invisible force that pulls you back into a toxic relationship · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people.
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  Welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. If this is the first time seeing
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  my face or hearing my lovely voice, I'm a clinically
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  diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform on social media to
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  raise awareness for NPD. Get more people into therapy
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  like myself, six years strong. Then also validate the victim,
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  survivors and thrivers. I said Disorders said talks to
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  people, said Toxic Trace. Today's episode is going to be
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  about the invisible force that pulls you back into a types of
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  relationship that keeps you going back, keeps you there, or
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  keeps you thinking about going back into this relationship
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  space before you happen. Today's episode.
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  Y'all. Make sure, if you haven't
• 0:44
  already, to check out my self love journal on Amazon.
• 0:48
  Lee Hammock I love me a Self Love Journal on Amazon to help
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  you rebuild that self love and authenticity before doing after
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  a Tasha relationship. Y'all but yeah.
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  Yep, Yep, Yep, Let's hop into it.
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  So narcissistic people when you're in a Tasha relationship.
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  Y'all. So many people.
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  I mean the the invisible force of course Y'all is the trauma
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  bond. If you don't know what it is.
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  This is an invisible force. I call the new names.
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  Who I discovered for the trauma bond or who I'm going to call it
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  from now is emotional gravity. Just like gravity, just like the
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  Earth. The earth has gravity just like
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  there's gravity in space. Just like there's just like
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  there's different gravity in by every planet has different
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  gravity. Scientists can explain how
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  gravity works but they don't know what it is.
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  You can explain the behaviors, but you don't know what gravity
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  really is Like, what actually is what, what is gravity composed
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  of and whatnot. You can explain.
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  Just like the trauma bond. You can explain the behaviors,
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  but you don't know exactly what it is.
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  I know it can be a chemical imbalance, it can be an
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  emotional connection, it can be shared traumatic experiences,
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  but you don't know exactly what it is, especially especially if
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  this is your first time understanding it or hearing
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  about it and whatnot. It feels like love, you know
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  what I'm saying? It feels like love.
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  If it's this invisible force, like the trauma bond or this
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  emotional gravity, this emotional gravitational pull
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  that pulls you back into a toxic relationship dynamic even though
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  you know you shouldn't be in it. Even though you're going against
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  all your friends and family, even though you go.
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  You might be putting your life in danger, even though you might
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  be putting your kids lives in danger by going back into this
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  toxic relationship space. You don't know why you do it.
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  It's just kind of like you just float back into it.
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  It's kind of like you get pulled back into this space by
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  something the force that's stronger than you ever felt
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  before. You've never felt this way
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  before you've broke it up. You've had breakups before,
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  right? You've had breakups, correct?
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  This is your first rodeo. It might be, but this, this
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  might not be your first rodeo. I don't know how old you are.
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  You could be in your 40s, you could be in your 50s, you could
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  be 18/19/20, you mean. But if this is your first rodeo,
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  whether this is your first rodeo or your 15th or your 40th, the
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  the the the bond, the the force is the same it covers like in
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  the greater the the greater the object, the greater the
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  gravitational pool. You see what I'm saying?
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  The greater connection that you had to this person, the bigger
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  the emotional gravitational pool, the bigger the trauma bond
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  is going to take. It's like if you don't have any
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  shared experiences with this, with this person, it might be
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  easier to break a trauma bond then it would be to if you
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  didn't have. If you don't have any, it would
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  be easier to. It should be easier, maybe
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  easier to break it, break this trauma bond or break this
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  emotional gravitational pull. Then it is you got 40 years with
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  somebody, 20 years with somebody, five years with
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  somebody, any kind of extended period of time with someone.
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  And y'all have been through so many ups, so many downs, so many
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  trips, so many slips, so many falls, but somehow y'all ended
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  up back together, you know what I'm saying?
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  It's a sure traumatic experiences, like the invisible
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  force that pulls you back in and you don't know why you keep
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  going back. Like you ruminate.
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  Like, what if I would have changed?
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  What if I would have did this? What if I would have did that?
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  We didn't try everything. We didn't go to therapy.
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  We didn't. They didn't go to therapy.
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  Maybe I can fix them. Maybe I can save them.
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  Yeah, you can't save them. Who said that thing with Jay
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  Cole? Don't save them.
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  They don't want to be saved. You think they want to be saved?
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  You feel you got compassion in your heart.
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  You got empathy in your heart, right?
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  You feel like they want to be saved, but they don't want to be
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  saved. They want to pull you down to
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  the depths with them when you. It's like they're falling over a
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  Cliff, right? They got their hands over the
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  edge of the Cliff. And they're screaming at you.
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  Help me. Please help me.
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  I know I treated you badly. I know I did this right.
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  I know I did you wrong. But please help me.
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  Please save me. Please.
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  And you like, OK, my heart, my heart is pulling, pulling back
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  to the. You know, you should let this
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  person fall off this Cliff. You know you should.
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  It's not a big Cliff. It's an it's an emotional Cliff.
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  You know you should let this person fall off a Cliff, and
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  this Cliff is your life. This Cliff is connecting them to
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  your life. But instead of letting them fall
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  off, you reach your hand down and guess what?
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  Instead of instead of you pulling them up, they grab your
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  hand and they yank you off the Cliff with them.
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  Y'all fall together. That's what it's like being in
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  touch relationship. That's what it's like when you
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  give into the gravitational pool.
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  You know that's when you. That's what it's like when you
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  give in to what you give it in to this invisible force.
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  It's like when you give in to the trauma bond, that's what
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  it's like right there. You've reached down to help pull
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  them up and they pull you down with them.
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  I think people need to realize you see my shirt says you're
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  enough, they they strip you of this.
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  The more they strip you of your own identity, the more they
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  strip you of your own self love and self worth.
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  The more that they pull you down, the easier it is for this
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  gravity for you to get into this gravitational pool.
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  Because you think nobody else is going to want you, right?
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  You think nobody else is going to want you in their in their
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  life because you've been beaten down so much that their their,
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  their pool on you is so strong because you've been beaten down
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  so much emotionally, physically, mentally, verbally, they're they
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  beaten beat you down so much that you just pull back into it.
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  You can't explain why you can't. You don't know why.
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  Why do I keep going back? And then you learn about the
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  damn Tramadon that you take the steps, you take the necessary
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  steps to go forward. But, like, how do you, what's
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  the necessary steps to go forward?
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  The first thing you want to do, when you understand what you
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  when you've realized that you're a trauma bond.
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  To understand this emotional gravitational pool is you got to
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  stop making excuses for that person.
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  You have to. You absolutely, with no
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  equivocation, have to stop making excuses for that person.
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  You have to understand it like this.
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  This is who they are. You can't change them.
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  You can't fix them. I don't give a fuck what they
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  say. You can't do it.
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  I need you to help me. I need you to be here for me.
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  No, they no you. No, they don't.
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  You don't need to be there. You see what I'm saying?
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  You don't need to be there with them.
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  You don't need to. You can.
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  You don't need to have to hold their hand.
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  Because again, when you hold their hand, they pull you down.
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  They pull you down. So you have to acknowledge what
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  you're going through. You have to acknowledge that the
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  force exists. You have to acknowledge the
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  emotional gravity, the trauma bond exists.
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  Acknowledge it. Knowledge is power if you act on
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  it. Knowledge is only power if you
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  act on it. Knowledge on ice.
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  What are you doing? Yeah, what is knowledge on ice,
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  though you. I know it.
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  I know this stuff, but I don't act on it.
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  It's not knowledge, is it? What is that?
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  You see what I'm saying? The next one.
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  The next thing you want to do to break this emotional
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  gravitation, to pull is to take a deep dive into who you are,
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  into how you got here, into why you feel this way.
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  Why am I here? Why do I keep going back?
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  Understand this. Write this stuff down.
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  Write down all the bad stuff that they done to you.
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  You see what I'm saying? You need to.
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  You have to, you have to take a deep dive into yourself to see
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  how you got here. The lies, the manipulation, the
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  the all this, the the BS that got you here.
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  Write it down. Get to that point.
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  Get to the point where you get. Get honest with, write this
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  stuff down. Get honest with yourself.
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  Deep dive into you. Talk to your friends, talk to
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  your family. Ask them the observations some
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  people hate. Make sure you consider the
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  source when you're doing it though.
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  Make sure you consider the source because you have some
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  haters and get some flying mugs out there.
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  They will absolutely lie to your ass to keep you in a types of
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  relationship. I say again, the next thing you
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  want to do to get rid of this trauma bond, to break this
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  emotional force, to make break this emotional gravitational
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  pull is to acknowledge that there is no reward for staying
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  in this relationship. It feels like a reward when you
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  go back because you just like Okay.
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  We're going to make it work this time, but then they do the same
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  shit that they've been doing to you.
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  They do it again, the same stuff that they've been doing to you
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  before. They do it again right now, they
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  do it again and then you feel bad again.
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  There's no reward for going back out.
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  There's no reward. There's no payoff.
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  There's no benefit to going back into this relationship.
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  I know sometimes they make your life hard as hell.
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  They make they intentionally make your life hard when you're
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  not with them. So it seems like it will be
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  easier if you go back to them, but it doesn't get easier.
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  It just means in their minds, okay you are.
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  You're tolerating what I do to you, so you must be okay with
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  what I do to you, right? Since you came back, you must be
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  okay with what I did to you, right?
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  That's the mindset that they have right there.
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  They say that you're okay with it.
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  So no, it doesn't get easy. There's no reward.
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  There's no payoff. Tell yourself the truth.
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  It's only paying when you go back.
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  No reward. No payoff.
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  Only pay. Only suffering.
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  No reward. No pain.
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  Only suffering. Like I said.
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  And also like judge the next thing you want to do, y'all is
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  actually understand where you are right now.
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  I understand what the relationship is right now.
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  Be in the moment with this relationship right now, where
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  you are right now. Not how it used to be.
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  Not how it was in the beginning. How it is right now.
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  How it was in the beginning. Holds no weight.
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  How you are right now. That's why you that's why you
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  feel this way. That's why you're watching this
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  video. How is the relationship right
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  now? Not how it was.
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  I know how it was. I know how people get into these
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  relationships. Y'all I'm a narcissist.
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  I don't understand how people get there.
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  How is it right now, Right now, in this moment?
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  Tell yourself and tell yourself the truth of y'all.
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  Do not lie to yourself. You cannot lie to yourself.
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  The way to break the emotional gravity, the the, the travel
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  bond. You have to be honest with
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  yourself. How is it right now, now.
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  How it used to be right now, in this moment, when you're
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  watching the video, How is the relationship right now?
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  You're not happy. You might have been happy, but
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  you're not happy anymore. You can't go back to the
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  original happiness because they don't want to go.
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  That person wasn't real. The person that used to be, the
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  person they used to pretend to be, that made you happy, that
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  person is real. That person is dead and gone.
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  That person is dead and gone and they're buried.
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  But their that that pool that they have is still there.
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  The gravitational, emotional gravitational pool that they
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  have that they had on you is still there.
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  It's just a different person has benefited from it.
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  You mean be honest with yourself right now, what a relationship
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  is right now. The next thing you want to do,
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  y'all have to reiterate this, is make a list of all the bad stuff
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  that they've done to you. All the horrible stuff that they
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  put you through. All the all the hurt, all the
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  pain. Write it down.
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  This is going to hurt. This is going to suck.
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  Because when you write this stuff down, what what they've
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  done to you, what they put you through is going to break you,
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  make you. It's going to wake you.
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  Up you go, oh damn, look at all the stuff I've been put up with.
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  Look at this stuff I've dealt with.
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  Look at somebody, put myself through, not put by something.
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  Look at something out loud I stayed with.
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  Look at this stuff I stayed through.
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  Look at this stuff I forgiven. Why have I done that?
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  Write it down. Y'all this and this is the list
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  you need to carry around with you, in your purse, in your
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  wallet. Whatever you need to do in your
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  back pocket, your shirt pocket, You mean carry it around?
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  But when you feel like that pool is getting strong, when you feel
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  like that gravitational pool is getting stronger on you, you can
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  whip out that list and break that.
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  Break it, Break. Read that list.
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  Cheated on me, Lie to me. Beat me, stole from me, Hasn't
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  worked in years. You know what I'm saying?
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  Just stuff like that. Read it, read it out loud, write
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  it down 1st and then read it out loud to yourself.
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  Yeah, stop justifying what they do.
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  Y'all you have to stop justifying what they do.
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  And the last thing you want to do, y'all to help break the
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  trauma mountain if possible, is find a therapist that
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  specializes in emotional abuse and trauma or a coach that a
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  coach that specializes in narcissistic abuse.
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  Talk to somebody y'all get out of your system.
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  Y'all you have to get out of your system.
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  Because if you don't get it out of your system, that is, it has
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  nowhere to go. If you do not get it out of your
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  system you're just going to drive yourself crazy.
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  Like you have to be able to talk to somebody.
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  Talk to somebody that knows what you talk to somebody that knows
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  about what you went through. They can't explain to y'all.
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  Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this episode.
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  I'm swear to y'all. Make sure you like and subscribe
• 12:17
  for more. And of course check out the self
• 12:18
  Love brand. Mental illness is Out peace.
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  Thanks so much for making this into my video.
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  Y'all. If you haven't already, make
• 12:26
  sure you check out my self love journal on Amazon.
• 12:28
  Lee Hammock. I love me a self love journal.
• 12:31
  Help you rebuild their self love and authenticity after it's
• 12:34
  that's relationship. Thank you.