Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / Drawing Close to a Daughter Drifting from God

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Drawing Close to a Daughter Drifting from God · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: So much of what the world says about sexuality is
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  Speaker 1: distorted into lies, lies that destroy, and so it falls
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  Speaker 1: to Christians to open up the Bible and to speak
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  Speaker 1: and to show the truth that sex is good. Sex
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  Speaker 1: is a gift, a gift for Christians and for marriage
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  Speaker 1: between one man and one woman. We've looked at all
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  Speaker 1: those topics in the past, looking at questions like how
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  Speaker 1: is sex made holy? How does it glorify God? Does
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  Speaker 1: marriage cure lust? Things like that. A lot of ground
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  Speaker 1: has already been covered on the podcast, as you can
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  Speaker 1: see in the APGA books starting on page one sixty six.
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  Speaker 1: We address so many questions like these, and we want
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  Speaker 1: those answers to be accessible to you as accessible as possible,
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  Speaker 1: not because we're eager to talk about them, or because
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  Speaker 1: it's ever easy to talk about sex, but because inevitably
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  Speaker 1: we will be called on to speak and answer to
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  Speaker 1: these questions with friends and with loved ones that we
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  Speaker 1: must be prepared for in that moment. And that brings
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  Speaker 1: us to today's question from an anonymous woman who is
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  Speaker 1: having her moment right now. Dear Pastor John, I am
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  Speaker 1: from Canada and want to thank you for your impactful
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  Speaker 1: ministry through this podcast. I've been listening for over six
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  Speaker 1: months and have gained much wisdom from your teachings. I'm
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  Speaker 1: struggling with a difficult situation and would appreciate your advice.
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  Speaker 1: My adult daughter is a professing Christian who, after facing
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  Speaker 1: disappointment and finding a Christian boyfriend, began dating a non
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  Speaker 1: Christian young man about a year ago. But despite my concerns,
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  Speaker 1: I supported her, hoping she would evangelize him. However, about
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  Speaker 1: four months ago, she moved in with him, which devastated me.
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  Speaker 1: We had a heart to heart where I explain the
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  Speaker 1: sinfulness of her decision, but she remained unrepentant, even questioning
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  Speaker 1: God's love and his plan for her happiness. Recently, she
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  Speaker 1: moved to another city for graduate studies and her boyfriend
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  Speaker 1: moved with her. I chose not to assist her with
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  Speaker 1: the move, as I couldn't condone their decision. This caused
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  Speaker 1: a new strain on our relationship. Communication has since become
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  Speaker 1: limited and distant. My question is how can I maintain
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  Speaker 1: a meaningful relationship with my daughter in this situation and
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  Speaker 1: how should I approach her boyfriend? Should I invite him
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  Speaker 1: to family Christmas dinner? Despite not accepting him as part
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  Speaker 1: of our family. Thank you for your wisdom, Sincerely, a
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  Speaker 1: broken hearted mom.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so sorry that you are having to walk
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  Speaker 2: through this painful relational breakdown, and I want you to
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  Speaker 2: feel that you are so so not alone at my
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  Speaker 2: own church, in my circle of friends, among the folks
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  Speaker 2: who write us here, ask Pastor John. This situation is
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  Speaker 2: tragically familiar. Most of it feel that we don't have
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  Speaker 2: specific answers. The word specific is key. We don't have
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  Speaker 2: specific answers for why one child seems so spiritually vital
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  Speaker 2: and engaged and happy and one season of life and
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  Speaker 2: can seem to lose it. All that was once apparently beautiful,
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  Speaker 2: seemed like divine grace. We can make general statements from
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  Speaker 2: the Bible, from God's word about why these things happen,
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  Speaker 2: but it's the specifics that baffle us. When we first
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  Speaker 2: walk into these sorrows, say the first phone call of
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  Speaker 2: the first note that we get, We feel like a
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  Speaker 2: gut punch to our solar plexus. All the other pleasures
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  Speaker 2: of our lives seem to dim at the beginning. It
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  Speaker 2: is just so oh disorienting and depressing. We go in
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  Speaker 2: and out of phases of self doubt about what we
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  Speaker 2: did as parents and didn't do, and we go in
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  Speaker 2: and out of assurance about what we should do now.
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  Speaker 2: So if it's any slight comfort, just know there are
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  Speaker 2: thousands of us who feel with you, which I suppose
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  Speaker 2: leads to my first thought about how to move forward.
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  Speaker 2: Gather around you a few spiritual friends and ask them
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  Speaker 2: to pray earnestly with you. I'm sure you've done that,
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  Speaker 2: but do it for the daughter's awakening. As mysterious as
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  Speaker 2: prayer is, what is clear is that the apostle Paul
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  Speaker 2: asked other Christians to pray for him. I call it
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  Speaker 2: mysterious because one might say to Paul, well, Paul, you're
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  Speaker 2: a mature, obedient Christian, why do you need to ask
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  Speaker 2: anybody else to pray? Aren't your prayer sufficient? Will God
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  Speaker 2: hear you and answer you? Well, they might, he might.
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  Speaker 2: But what we see, what we see in the Bible,
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  Speaker 2: is that he asks Christians to join him in prayer
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  Speaker 2: so that when the answer comes, there'll be more praises.
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  Speaker 2: That's one reason at least he teaches us we should
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  Speaker 2: pray for each other. James five sixteen. I can't know
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  Speaker 2: your heart from a distance, but what I see in
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  Speaker 2: your question I approve of It is contrary to the
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  Speaker 2: will of God that a believer be unequally yoked with
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  Speaker 2: an unbeliever. It is contrary to the will of God
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  Speaker 2: that they have sexual relations outside marriage. For spent in
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  Speaker 2: seven verses one and two, it is contrary to the
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  Speaker 2: will of God that your daughter be so defiant to
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  Speaker 2: your counsel if He's in six y two. So it
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  Speaker 2: seems to me you have been faithful in speaking the
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  Speaker 2: truth in love. As Paul says in if He's Ins
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  Speaker 2: four fifteen, So many parents think that if the truth
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  Speaker 2: is likely to be rejected, we should not speak it.
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  Speaker 2: I think in general that's a mistake. You will know
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  Speaker 2: the truth, and the truth will set you free John
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  Speaker 2: eight thirty two. There's no other way for your daughter
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  Speaker 2: to be delivered from satan and sin then by the truth.
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  Speaker 2: And that's true, even though the deeper problem may not
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  Speaker 2: be ignorance of the truth but bondage to Satan. I
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  Speaker 2: think Satan is very active in deceiving young people about
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  Speaker 2: the truth of their upbringing. And the reason I say
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  Speaker 2: speaking the truth in love is relevant not only for
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  Speaker 2: helping them know what they ought to know, but also
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  Speaker 2: for setting them free from the bondage of the evil.
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  Speaker 2: One is that there's this amazing text in tewod Timpathy
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  Speaker 2: to twenty four, and I would encourage you to meditate
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  Speaker 2: on every piece of it. Let me read it, and
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  Speaker 2: you'll see the immediate relevance of it for your situation.
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  Speaker 2: I think so many situations. Here's what he says, the
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  Speaker 2: Lord's servant, that would be you. The Lord's servant must
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  Speaker 2: not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach patiently,
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  Speaker 2: enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness, but teaching and
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  Speaker 2: correcting them. So that's your part, kindness and solid truth
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  Speaker 2: laden teaching. And then he says, when you do that,
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  Speaker 2: God may perhaps grant them repentance. It's the divine, sovereign
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  Speaker 2: work of God. But he uses you. God may perhaps
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  Speaker 2: grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,
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  Speaker 2: and they may come to their senses and escape the
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  Speaker 2: snare of the devil, having been captured by him to
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  Speaker 2: do his will. What an amazing diagnosis and deliverance. So
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  Speaker 2: I think there are millions of young people precisely in
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  Speaker 2: that condition. They need Number one, deeper knowledge, not just
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  Speaker 2: head knowledge of the truth. Number two, they need to
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  Speaker 2: come to their senses. This word has literally come out
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  Speaker 2: of a drunken stupor where you can't see reality for
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  Speaker 2: what it is. Number Three, they need to be liberated
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  Speaker 2: from the snare of the devil. Isn't it remarkable that
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  Speaker 2: Paul considers truth spoken with clarity and love as the
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  Speaker 2: means by which a person might wake up from a
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  Speaker 2: spiritually drunken stupor and might walk free out of the
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  Speaker 2: clutches of the devil. What a powerful statement about truth
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  Speaker 2: and love together. As we see in verse twenty four,
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  Speaker 2: you will need wisdom. We will all need wisdom from
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  Speaker 2: the Lord to know how frequently to communicate with your
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  Speaker 2: daughter and her boyfriend. You don't want to pester them,
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  Speaker 2: but you also don't want to go silent just because
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  Speaker 2: they may take offense. Over and over, the Bible says
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  Speaker 2: that God reached out to his rebellious people. For example,
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  Speaker 2: in Jeremiah thirty five fifteen, I have sent to you
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  Speaker 2: all my servants, the prophets, sending them persistently saying, turn now,
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  Speaker 2: every one of you from his evil way. God didn't
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  Speaker 2: go silent. He sent word like he sent texts and emails,
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  Speaker 2: they're the profits over and over again. I think there
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  Speaker 2: are ways to stay in regular contact with your daughter
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  Speaker 2: that are more varied than simply repeating to her or
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  Speaker 2: her sin. For example, you might simply send her now
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  Speaker 2: and then something that was meaningful to you from your
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  Speaker 2: mourning devotions or something that you've been reading, and say
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  Speaker 2: to her, I was thinking of you this morning, this
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  Speaker 2: brought you to my mind. And tell her something that
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  Speaker 2: was sweet to your own soul, some promise, or something
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  Speaker 2: about Christ without without applying it to her at all.
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  Speaker 2: This is not about preaching to her. This is about
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  Speaker 2: overflowing from a mother's heart about what she cherishes. This
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  Speaker 2: relational breakdown is not all on you. Remember Paul said
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  Speaker 2: in Romans twelve eighteen, if possible, so far as it
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  Speaker 2: depends on you, live peaceably with all. If possible, we
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  Speaker 2: can't make peace happen by ourselves. It takes both sides.
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  Speaker 2: Don't bear a greater weight than you are called upon
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  Speaker 2: to bear. If they are claiming to be obedient Christians,
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  Speaker 2: your daughter and her boyfriend, if they are claiming to
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  Speaker 2: be obedient Christians attending church, giving the impression to the
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  Speaker 2: world that the way they are living is the way
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  Speaker 2: of Christ. I think the Bible says that you should
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  Speaker 2: not have fellowship with them, which I think would include
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  Speaker 2: holiday meals. And I'll say that because of Paul in
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  Speaker 2: one Grinton's five nine, where he says, I wrote to
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  Speaker 2: you in my letter not to associate with the sexually immoral,
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  Speaker 2: not at all, meaning the sexually immoral of this world,
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  Speaker 2: since then you have to go out of the world.
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  Speaker 2: But now I am writing to you not to associate
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  Speaker 2: with anyone who bears the name of brother Christian if
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  Speaker 2: he is guilty of sexual immorality, not even to eat
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  Speaker 2: with such a one. But if your daughter and her
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  Speaker 2: boyfriend have ceased to call themselves Christians, are not communicating
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  Speaker 2: to anybody that this is the way of Christ. This
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  Speaker 2: is just what you do. When you're not a Christian.
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  Speaker 2: Then I think you are free to invite them and
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  Speaker 2: to seek to win them as you would any other unbeliever.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes those lines between believer unbeliever are not nearly as
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  Speaker 2: neat and easy to draw as one might think. And
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  Speaker 2: in that case you seek the Lord's wisdom, and you
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  Speaker 2: do what seems most biblical and wise and loving, and
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  Speaker 2: you give thanks for the blood of Christ that covers
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  Speaker 2: all of our sins, your sins, my sins, which in
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  Speaker 2: the end is what we have to offer them in
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  Speaker 2: any case.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, pastor John. Every situational email like this
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  Speaker 1: one reminds us that with friends and with family, we
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  Speaker 1: are here to speak the truth that confronts the world
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  Speaker 1: and its lies, lies about sex, and it falls two
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  Speaker 1: Christians to us to open the Bible to show sex
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  Speaker 1: is good, sex is a gift, a gift for Christians,
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  Speaker 1: and sex is for marriage. A lot of ground that
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  Speaker 1: has been covered, as you can see in the APJ
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  Speaker 1: book starting on page one sixty six. I pray that
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  Speaker 1: that big digestive episodes will help you find them, find
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  Speaker 1: the right episode and to prepare to respond with truth
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  Speaker 1: when situations arise and they're going to like we just
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  Speaker 1: heard from this mom, those situations are coming into our lives.
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  Speaker 1: Will we be ready? Speaking of sexual sin, there's a
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  Speaker 1: happy side to this too, when an adulterer repents and
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  Speaker 1: returns to Christ. So how does a repentant adulterer in
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  Speaker 1: the church get restored to fellowship? That's the question. Next time,
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  Speaker 1: I'm Tony Ranky, see you on Monday.