Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #07| The Secret Of Shifting From Stuck to Happy for a Less Overwhelming Life
Transcript
- 0:04Hey, I'm Michelle Gothier, and you're listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast.
- 0:11Hello, thanks for joining.
- 0:13You are listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast.
- 0:16Today I have a super special guest, my first guest ever on the show, my client and dear friend Lauren Rappaport.
- 0:23Lauren, you know this already, but the reason I asked you to be on today is because I so admire the way that you have changed your life.
- 0:30And a lot of listeners who are tuning in today are feeling really stuck and stressed and overwhelmed.
- 0:36And so I asked you to come on today because I think you are a great example of what is possible and how a person can completely change their life.
- 0:44So thank you for joining me today.
- 0:46And thank you in advance for all the inspiration that you're gonna provide.
- 0:50Thanks for having me.
- 0:51I'm so excited.
- 0:52I'm so honored to be your first guest.
- 0:54And I owe it all to you and you helping me change my life.
- 0:59So thank you.
- 1:01Oh gosh, thank you.
- 1:02That's so nice.
- 1:03Okay, so let's get started at the beginning because um when we first got started, I remember that you had a corporate job and you were feeling really stressed about it.
- 1:14And at that time, I think you wanted to find a different job.
- 1:18What made you consider getting a coach in the first place?
- 1:22Everyone talks about 2020 being their worst year.
- 1:25Well, my worst year was 2019.
- 1:31I was in a corporate job.
- 1:34I was so miserable.
- 1:36And now that, well, I'm jumping ahead, but now that I'm a life coach, I know that you blame your problems on an external circumstance.
- 1:45And that's exactly what I was doing.
- 1:46I thought all of my problems were because I hated my job.
- 1:50And I now know I was just stuck.
- 1:52I was stuck in my life.
- 1:54I was miserable in my job.
- 1:58I was drinking too much.
- 2:00I'm still not married, but I'm not married.
- 2:02I don't love kids.
- 2:03And I remember thinking, like, what am I doing with my life?
- 2:06I just was miserable.
- 2:08But at the time I blamed my job.
- 2:11And I saw you.
- 2:13We obviously are very good friends from the corporate world.
- 2:17And I saw you so happy life coaching.
- 2:21It's like every day you were like passionate about your job and happy in your job.
- 2:26And I remember one day you're like, look, my metrics are pink.
- 2:30I get to do pink metrics and my website's pink.
- 2:34And I just was like in an office where I wasn't even allowed to work from home.
- 2:39And I just remember thinking, like, I want pink metrics and I want a job that I'm I'm happy in and a life that I'm happy in.
- 2:48And I remember saying, Michelle, I need to make you my life coach.
- 2:51And it's not like I knew what the outcome looked like.
- 2:55I just knew I needed something other than what my life is today.
- 3:00Okay.
- 3:00Okay, perfect.
- 3:01That makes sense.
- 3:02And so just to add on to what Lauren said, we knew each other in a previous life.
- 3:07We worked together in a corporate world that was very corporate-y and high pressure.
- 3:12And, you know, the two of us did have a lot of fun in that, but it was a, you know, a serious, hard, lots of stress kind of job.
- 3:20And so what Lauren is saying is that she saw me after I left that with posting on Facebook about my new thing that I was doing, which was life coaching back when I was new at life coaching.
- 3:31And she sounds like you thought, well, I just want some of that, whatever that is.
- 3:35Pink spreadsheets.
- 3:37Yeah.
- 3:38And I just have to interject really quickly.
- 3:40I have to take some credit here because when Michelle and I were BFFs in the corporate world, I would say, Michelle, you're like my life coach.
- 3:50You're not just my friend.
- 3:51You're like my life coach.
- 3:53You helped me with not just advice, you helped me with everything in my life.
- 3:57And then when we got laid off at our corporate job, she pursued a career in life coaching.
- 4:02And I was like, that's actually like a real thing.
- 4:05So Michelle was born to do this.
- 4:08It just had to interject with that.
- 4:11You called it.
- 4:12You knew it.
- 4:13You saw it before I saw it, I think.
- 4:15Yeah.
- 4:16So at the time that you decided that you wanted to reach out to me as a life coach, had you how long would you say you had been suffering with feeling stuck in your life?
- 4:28In retrospect, it felt like maybe even when we were still a GE, it felt like a really long time.
- 4:34I felt really lost.
- 4:36It almost felt like since my dad died in 2013.
- 4:41I just I think it's been a really long time since I've been lost.
- 4:45And then, you know, once we started coaching, I think maybe even longer than that, um, since we uncovered a lot of a lot of stuff, but I think I'd been lost for a really long time.
- 4:55Okay.
- 4:55And what was the tipping point where you thought I've got to do something about this?
- 4:59I need to reach out to someone and get help for this.
- 5:02I started looking for a job and I I was not successful in my search.
- 5:07And I was like, why isn't anybody hiring me?
- 5:10I think it was the unsuccess in the job search and just the misery I felt in my job.
- 5:16Mm-hmm.
- 5:16That made you think I've got to work with someone.
- 5:19Okay.
- 5:20Okay, that makes sense.
- 5:22And then we got started.
- 5:24Yes.
- 5:25And one of the things I just want to say is that I work with my clients for a minimum of six months because, in my experience, it takes that long to understand what got you where you are here today, and then to create a new habit and really stick with it and practice it.
- 5:42But once we got started, how long do you think it was before you started to feel better?
- 5:47Because it doesn't usually take the whole six months or years to feel better.
- 5:51Do you remember when you started to feel some relief?
- 5:54That's a good question.
- 5:55I don't remember, but I will tell you, I felt even at GE, you're one of those people where I hear your voice and I automatically feel calmer.
- 6:04So I think just talking on the phone with you, I just felt like calmer.
- 6:10So I think after every session, I just felt better.
- 6:14I felt like it was gonna be okay.
- 6:16I will find a solution.
- 6:18And I felt better after every session, no question.
- 6:21But I think it took a couple months before I really started to understand the tools.
- 6:27Right.
- 6:28What happened that was amazing was I started to realize that I still had some unresolved issues around my typo diabetes.
- 6:39And I started to apply the tools to my diabetes, and I started to feel better about problems I didn't know I had, which were life-changing.
- 6:51Like that's when my life really started to change.
- 6:54And because that's something I've I've had since I've I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, age three.
- 6:59And so when I started to apply the tools, I learned the tools because we're talking about my job.
- 7:03But when I applied the tools to type 1 diabetes, that's when fundamental changes in my life really started to happen.
- 7:12But I don't remember how long that took.
- 7:14Yeah, no, I did I think that's totally normal that you're not going to remember the exact time frame, but I think your point is so good.
- 7:21And this is something that I tell my clients all the time is it really doesn't matter too much which thing we talk about.
- 7:28So you came to me because you were miserable with your job and you ended up having these big shifts in life, one of them around your type one diabetes, which you wouldn't have even identified as a problem when we first started.
- 7:40So working on this stuff and using these tools, it just works.
- 7:44It helps, it works across your whole life.
- 7:46But let's talk a little bit about because right now everyone's saying, What tools?
- 7:51Yeah, yeah.
- 7:51What were you guys doing in those sessions that was, you know, making Learn feel so much better all of a sudden?
- 7:58Um, and you know that you have to do a lot of introspective work, which is sometimes hard, learn how to think in a different way and practice those.
- 8:09So when you say the tools, can you tell me specifically what you're thinking of, like things that you did to change your life?
- 8:17Yes, I have two specific examples around the tools.
- 8:21First is you explained to me that diabetes doesn't make me mad or upset.
- 8:28It's my thoughts about the diabetes that make me mad.
- 8:32So diabetes essentially is a fact, it's a neutral circumstance.
- 8:36So for example, if my blood sugar is 350, 350 is just a number.
- 8:41So if I'm thinking, oh, my blood sugar is 350, I really suck at diabetes, I'm gonna feel terrible and then I'm gonna act accordingly.
- 8:50Right.
- 8:50So we're gonna have all these like like results and ramifications about that.
- 8:54But if I'm if I think 350, that's just a number.
- 8:58I now have information to give myself insulin or not to give myself insulin, to act accordingly, then you know I'm gonna feel empowered or I'm gonna feel neutral just because 350 is just a number, then I'm just going to act accordingly based on my feelings of the about the fact that 350 is just a number.
- 9:18Yes, yes.
- 9:19So that concept that Lauren is talking about is the idea that nothing can happen to you, no circumstance can make you feel any certain way.
- 9:28It's always your thoughts about it.
- 9:30And I can remember the first time I said, what if diabetes is just a neutral circumstance?
- 9:36And you were not happy with that at first.
- 9:39I remember.
- 9:41No, I was very resistant.
- 9:44And then once it really sunk in, it was absolutely life-changing.
- 9:48Yeah.
- 9:49Because I got my there's so much powerlessness in type one.
- 9:52So once it really sunk in, all of a sudden it was like I got my power back.
- 9:58It was like, so wait, I have agency over how I think and feel about my diabetes.
- 10:04All of a sudden, the world became like my oyster.
- 10:07Yes, yeah, exactly.
- 10:09Not only your diabetes, but your whole entire life because that can apply to everything.
- 10:14Yeah.
- 10:14But that was an area of your life that you I please tell me if I'm stating this incorrectly, but the way I remember it is it was an area of your life that you considered to be like a done deal.
- 10:25It was a jail sentence, you were gonna have it forever, it was gonna suck forever.
- 10:29And shifting your thinking on that really was able to free your mind and the way that you acted.
- 10:35Absolutely.
- 10:35So the second example I was gonna give, and now I'm thinking of a third actually, but is that I lived my life through a lens of victim mentality.
- 10:43And so, for example, I could walk into a grocery store and get on the slow line and think, oh, of course, I got on the slow line.
- 10:52Like the slow line happened to me.
- 10:54You know, I never ever, since I had this lens of victim mentality, I didn't notice the 20 other people on the same slow line.
- 11:01Or I would never look and say, oh, it's this poor cashier's first day on the job, or I didn't think about what's in my control.
- 11:08I can come back tomorrow, or I can move to a different line, or I can read this fun magazine.
- 11:14I mean, there's so many different things you can do if you just put on a different lens, but I only had that lens of victim mentality because I was looking at life with like a it's not fair, you know, lens because of how I grew up with type one.
- 11:29But understanding this concept, I was able to pull myself out of this lens of victim mentality and look at the world completely differently.
- 11:38Yeah.
- 11:39And how does the world feel now when you don't have that victim mentality anymore?
- 11:44You know, as I mentioned, the the world is my oyster.
- 11:47I have agency over my thoughts and my feelings.
- 11:49And sometimes, you know, and I love your approach, you always ask great questions and you have such a gentle way of coaching.
- 11:55I never you never said you're the victim, right?
- 11:57It was like you you led me so gently to this realization.
- 12:03And every once in a while, right?
- 12:04So my default brain, every once in a while I slip into it's not fair, and you very gently remind me to have compassion for myself.
- 12:13And it's like, oh, right, right, there's that, you know, victim mentality lens.
- 12:17And you know, now I have the tools to remind myself, all right, there it is.
- 12:22It's okay.
- 12:23And then I get myself back to this lens of like anything is possible.
- 12:28I can have control over my thoughts and my feelings, and anything is possible.
- 12:34So, well, I don't want to jump to where I am now, but I did lots of things with that new lens.
- 12:41Yes, you have, yes, you have.
- 12:43So tell us how hard it was.
- 12:45So let's just say you lived from age three to age 40 something with the victim mentality where it felt like everything was happening to you, and now you have switched.
- 12:57How hard was it to make that change?
- 13:00It was hard in the sense of like there was resistance, right?
- 13:06It is not an easy thing to accept the fact that you are thinking from a place of victimhood.
- 13:14Things are happening at me.
- 13:16I take things personally, it's not fair.
- 13:19It's not an easy thing to admit, but then once I did, came a sense of freedom.
- 13:28I heard something the other day where somebody said, Honesty will free you, but it will ruin your day before it happens.
- 13:37I love that.
- 13:38That's so true.
- 13:39That's so true.
- 13:41I remember when I had this same kind of epiphany like you're talking about, where I was like, wait, so I have been making myself miserable this whole time.
- 13:52Then I was just pissed.
- 13:53But then pretty soon it's like, oh, but if I caused it, I can uncause it too.
- 13:59You know, I can fix this.
- 14:01But you're right, it is kind of offensive for a minute there.
- 14:04Totally.
- 14:04And I've I'm learning that when I feel resistance to something, I need to follow it because that's where the like change happens and the power happens.
- 14:14Yes, absolutely.
- 14:16And I think it's important to know too that once you realize that and you make this choice to change your life, you go out and you try it.
- 14:23And sometimes you still stand in the grocery store line and think, this isn't fair.
- 14:26I'm still in the slow line, but you realize it.
- 14:29You're like, oh, I just went into that old pattern, and you just keep practicing.
- 14:33And then eventually your new way of thinking becomes your new life.
- 14:37And once you get to that point, then you can create anything you want, which is the perfect lead-in to tell us what you have created with this new Lauren.
- 14:47Yes.
- 14:48Okay, this is the fun part.
- 14:50Um, so one thing I mentioned is that I was definitely overdrinking and in my misery.
- 14:59And um, I'm two years sober.
- 15:01Amazing.
- 15:03Thank you.
- 15:03Two years sober.
- 15:04I quit my corporate job because one of the things you helped me realize is that when I was like two-year job search and nobody was hiring me, it's you helped me realize that I was definitely giving out, you know, your thoughts become your results.
- 15:19I was definitely giving out, don't hire me.
- 15:21I don't want to work here.
- 15:23Yes, I hate this job and I'll hate yours too.
- 15:26Yeah.
- 15:27So I I realized I don't want, I don't want the corporate world.
- 15:32And so I became a life coach myself.
- 15:34I've now been a life coach for two years.
- 15:37Amazing.
- 15:38Sober and a life coach for two years.
- 15:40They happened right around the same time.
- 15:42Yep.
- 15:42Yep.
- 15:43Same time.
- 15:44So I'm a life coach and sober.
- 15:47I am.
- 15:48You tell me if you agree with this percentage.
- 15:50I would say I'm about, I don't know, 50% calmer than I was.
- 15:54Absolutely.
- 15:56Maybe even more so.
- 15:57Yeah, maybe even more.
- 15:58I'm just like a calmer version of myself.
- 16:01Yep.
- 16:02I'm a recovering people pleaser.
- 16:07I think I'm such a less people pleaser.
- 16:09I may still have tendencies, but I think I'm not nearly as much of a people pleaser as I was before.
- 16:14I quote you all the time.
- 16:15My life coach says no is a complete sentence.
- 16:18Absolutely.
- 16:20I've learned how to say no.
- 16:22I've learned how to set boundaries.
- 16:24I just I have your words in my head all the time.
- 16:28You know, boundaries are not necessarily a barb or not a barbed wire fence to keep people out.
- 16:33There are wall of hearts to protect your.
- 16:36I use I use different sentences.
- 16:37There are wall of hearts to protect your heart, to protect your sanity, to protect your family member.
- 16:42I mean, I insert lots of different things there.
- 16:44But you helped me so much to create boundaries.
- 16:47I know how to ask for help now.
- 16:50I learn how to trust my inner wisdom.
- 16:52I lean on my inner wisdom, slash, what would Michelle do?
- 16:56Quote Michelle thing.
- 16:58We throw a table between.
- 17:02Overall, I am just a hundred percent happier.
- 17:06That is amazing.
- 17:07I mean, that is what I feel like everybody wants is just to be happy.
- 17:12And when you're feeling stuck and stressed and in victim mentality, it's just impossible to feel happy.
- 17:20Yeah.
- 17:20So the fact that you created that just by embracing your own, like who you are, changing some of your thoughts.
- 17:29And then you just it seemed like you had a confidence to just, I'll never forget the day when you said, I just decided that I absolutely can't be happy until I stop drinking and I'm gonna stop drinking.
- 17:40I mean, you just made these huge decisions after you had done this work, and then you followed through on every single one of them.
- 17:48Thank you.
- 17:48And that was exactly how you know, of course, you know I called you, and but that that sentence, it's like, you know, there's a saying in life coaching, you're you're a thought away from changing your life.
- 17:58And it was that thought, I'll never be happy until I get rid of alcohol in my life for good, that got me into AA.
- 18:04Yep.
- 18:04Yep.
- 18:05Oh, that's just amazing.
- 18:07Yeah.
- 18:07Okay.
- 18:07So I feel like you've done a good job of painting the fact that it's not all sunshine and rainbows, and that you to do these changes sometimes it's painful.
- 18:18So tell us a little bit about times now, even like yesterday.
- 18:23I'm making this up because I don't know what happened yesterday.
- 18:26But you know, yesterday or this week or something where something stressful comes up, how do you handle it now versus how you would have handled it before?
- 18:35Okay, great question.
- 18:36A couple things.
- 18:37Sometimes it just takes, and they talk about this in AA, and I know you talk about this.
- 18:43A pause.
- 18:45Sometimes it's as simple as just pausing and breathing and thinking about okay, like I don't want to react from a place of anger, overwhelm, stress, whatever emotion I'm feeling.
- 19:01I don't want to react from that place.
- 19:02Like it's okay that I'm feeling this way.
- 19:05Like any feeling is okay.
- 19:07Right.
- 19:07Like I try not to beat myself up for that feeling because that's what I did as a kid.
- 19:11I beat myself up for all the feelings that I had, especially with my type one.
- 19:15So it's like compassion, don't beat myself up for a feeling.
- 19:18The feelings are okay.
- 19:20I just don't know react from them.
- 19:22So it's just like pausing and then reacting.
- 19:26Or I'm not sure if you've talked about this yet, but it's sitting down every day and doing my thought download.
- 19:33That sentence I just talked about and how I got sober, that came from a thought download.
- 19:37It's it's a tool where you just, it's like journaling, really, getting my thoughts out every day and then plugging them into some of the life coaching tools, which is what helps manage my thoughts and my feelings.
- 19:48It's really seeing the thoughts and then how the thoughts create the results.
- 19:52Yep.
- 19:52Yep, that's a great example too.
- 19:54And I know you also meditate.
- 19:56I'm filling in some other things that I know you do too.
- 20:00And I think that all of those things that you said, so doing the pause, proactively meditating, journaling and doing a thought download when you feel upset, I think they're all coming from the same theme, which is mindfulness and just getting quiet and watching your thoughts, watching your reactions before you actually do anything, because then you can live from an intentional, this is how I want to react, instead of shoot, I just said or did something that I really didn't want to do.
- 20:30Yeah, like an off the cuff response.
- 20:33You know, one other thing I want to add that you just reminded me of when you were talking about your feelings and that you allow all of your feelings.
- 20:40I think you've made such amazing progress in the feelings department.
- 20:46And a lot of times I haven't done a podcast episode on this yet, but it's on my list, just talking about allowing feelings.
- 20:53And when I first started working with Lauren and I would say, How do you feel about this?
- 20:57You would say, I don't know, right?
- 21:00I, you know, I totally forgot.
- 21:02I wrote down all the things, all the reasons why I love Michelle and all the reasons she's a great life coach.
- 21:07I completely forgot you taught me how to cry.
- 21:10You connected my head and my body.
- 21:13They were literally disconnected.
- 21:15If I had to draw a picture of myself, my head would be floating above my body when I first started working, like life coaching with you.
- 21:21I completely forgot about that.
- 21:22Yep.
- 21:23And you taught me how to like connect them.
- 21:26And now I feel like I cry all the time.
- 21:30Yeah.
- 21:30And now we think it's a good thing, right?
- 21:33I was with you.
- 21:34I was not a crier.
- 21:35I really prided myself on that.
- 21:37But in our case, what that meant was we were just disconnecting and not letting our feelings be felt.
- 21:43We were just in our head and not connecting with that.
- 21:47So even just saying I allow every feeling, it's just sort of a passing sentence you said, but even that is a huge deal.
- 21:53100%.
- 21:55Yeah.
- 21:55Yeah.
- 21:56Thanks for reminding me of that.
- 21:57So I'm thinking of the listeners who are.
- 22:00Listening to this right now, like I said at the beginning, they're probably feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
- 22:04If you could give them like one tip or one thought that they could take away today, what would you tell them?
- 22:12The one thing that I would say is that just because you have a thought does not make it true.
- 22:20So if you have a thought like, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna get it all done, or oh my gosh, if I don't get it done, my life is over.
- 22:28Just because you have that thought doesn't make it true.
- 22:32You don't have to buy into that thought.
- 22:34You don't have to buy into that thought.
- 22:35It is completely optional.
- 22:38So like with my clients who have type one, we have all these catastrophic thoughts.
- 22:42Like I was 100% convinced I was gonna die by the time I was 40.
- 22:46I've had it since I was three.
- 22:48And I lived my life as if I was dying.
- 22:51And I I wish I knew that that thought was completely optional.
- 22:56You can take it a step further and try to think of evidence as to why that thought's not true, but that may be too much.
- 23:02Just know that that thought is not true.
- 23:05Yep.
- 23:05And that that is such an amazing example and such a great tip because we just grow up thinking that the thoughts in our head are true.
- 23:14Yeah.
- 23:15And when we learn that we can't control the thoughts that come into our head, but we can evaluate them and decide if we buy into them or decide that they're true.
- 23:23It's so powerful.
- 23:24You can think about it like you're watching a movie of the thought that's coming into your head, and then you can decide to act from there or not.
- 23:32Yeah.
- 23:32I mean, how many movies have you watched and be like, oh, that movie sucks?
- 23:35I'll never watch that one again.
- 23:36Yeah, exactly.
- 23:37Exactly.
- 23:38That's so true.
- 23:39Yes.
- 23:40Oh my gosh.
- 23:42So tell us more about your coaching business.
- 23:44Like what kind of clients do you help?
- 23:46Where can people find you?
- 23:48I'll put all this stuff in the show notes too.
- 23:50Oh, okay.
- 23:50So you can find me at lifecoachingwithlauren.com.
- 23:53And I coach people with type 1 diabetes who want to change their thoughts with type one.
- 23:57I also coach people who truly at the end of the day just want to find happiness or who feel stuck and want to be unstuck.
- 24:05So I mean, the way you do one thing is the way you do all things.
- 24:08So if you're stuck in your job, there's a very good chance you're stuck in all areas of your life the way I was.
- 24:13Yeah.
- 24:13So if you want to get stuck and find happiness, I can help you.
- 24:16Okay.
- 24:17Okay.
- 24:17So if there's something in their life that they feel like is I think your example from your life was type one and your job.
- 24:25So if they're saying I have type one and I just cannot be happy as long as I have this disease, which is going to be forever, that's that person is an ideal client for you.
- 24:34Yes.
- 24:35Or if you don't have type one and you hate your job, there's a very good chance you're stuck in all areas of your life or most of it.
- 24:41Yeah, exactly.
- 24:42So if there's whatever it is, it's kind of an open potential circumstance that you feel stuck and like you're not going to be happy because you can't resolve this thing.
- 24:51You can help them move past that.
- 24:52Yes, exactly.
- 24:54Okay, awesome.
- 24:55And we will put your website in the show notes.
- 24:58And on your website, does it show how they can work with you?
- 25:02Oh, yes.
- 25:03Okay, Lauren, any closing thoughts?
- 25:06Anything I didn't ask you that you want to share?
- 25:10Yes, work with Michelle.
- 25:12She's fun and amazing and will help you change your own life.
- 25:17Please.
- 25:18Thank you very much.
- 25:20Yes.
- 25:21If you are interested in working with me, you can go to my website, go to the work with me page, and you will see a link to set up a session, a free hour session where we can just talk about coaching and see if this is a good fit for you.
- 25:36Okay, Lauren.
- 25:37Thank you so much.
- 25:38It's been so much fun going down memory lane and reminiscing all the ways that you changed your life.
- 25:43I'm so proud of you.
- 25:45You have truly created a life that I feel like anybody would look at and think, wow, I wish I had her life.
- 25:51She's so happy.
- 25:53You're so authentic.
- 25:54You're such a breath of fresh air.
- 25:56It's just amazing.
- 25:57Thank you so much.
- 25:58Thanks for having me.
- 26:03Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 26:06If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
- 26:12See you next week.