Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Love Me In the Waiting | Enneagram Type Two Krystal Ribble

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Love Me In the Waiting | Enneagram Type Two Krystal Ribble · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: And then the second thing is that once you do show up, be all there.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: And when he was there, he was completely there for that situation.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: Completely there for the people that were a part of that story.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think it's easy with all of the outside things that we have going on, especially as a mom.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: My brain is split so many different directions.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's really hard to focus.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: So, like when you show up for someone that really needs you, put your phone away.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like if you if you've carved out this time, you put that phone away and you're there for them.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I help you navigate the overwhelm and frustration of motherhood through faith, Enneagram, and simple plans.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: As a faith-based Enneagram coach, I champion you to love your mothering style because you are the mom your kids need, even when you don't feel like it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest, overwhelmed and frustrated by motherhood.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: He helped me turn the challenges of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my self-awareness, and my family.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode of this podcast provides perspective through story, whole-hearted purpose, and simple plans so you can discover how to love your mothering style and be confident that you are the mom your kids need.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Get ready to be encouraged and empowered while you listen.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Whole-Harted Podcast.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, I got another episode jam-packed with goodness for you because we're all waiting for something.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of us are in a longer holding pattern than others, and it's not fair.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I think most of us can raise a hand signifying that we are waiting on or for something.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're waiting for a simple answer to prayer, or perhaps a serious health crisis that you're hoping will pass, maybe a longing to be loved or to be free of something you thought you loved.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Crystal Ripple knows some things about what it looks like to live and want to be loved well in various waiting seasons.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she's even written a book about it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Love Me in the Waiting.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And even she's written this in the midst of discovering that her son has a brain tumor and is having to wait yet again for the healing he needs.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Crystal has some very practical steps you might need to hear today.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, she outlines what we can learn from the life and miracles of Jesus as it relates to waiting.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's really good.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to jump right into the Enneagram conversation and how it relates to Crystal's stage of parenting and the demands of motherhood.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think you might relate.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of one of those things where we've had communities of people around us that are so integrated into it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think when it first came about, it was like, okay, I don't need to know that yet, you know, because it was like everybody was doing it.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: But I I know what type I am.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: And it's interesting because I wonder if I'm this type because of the season of life that I'm in.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: I really relate to a set.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: Everything you just said about yourself feels very, very much like me.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm a two.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a considerate helper.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: And everything that I read about that and everything that I've learned about that feels like it is pointing straight to my motherhood, you know.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: And so I often try to think about like, okay, were you that before you were a mom?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: And and I'm finding instances where I was.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: I definitely was.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it feels like it's exacerbated in this season of absolutely.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is the truth.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why for women, moms in particular, it's pretty challenging to do the self-awareness journey.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I, in fact, I was on uh Michael Jr.'s podcast and it's hilarious.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: You'll have to check it out.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Um Funny How Life Works.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he just came out with the book and everything.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But one of the things is they would have these mystery guests.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had not met them before.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: They would come on and I would coach them.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just real apparent that with one of the guests, I was pretty sure she wasn't the type she thought she was.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, really the conversation ended up being like, it's okay if this either doesn't feel familiar to you because you weren't aware of that's really what was going on beneath the surface, or if you haven't landed on your type yet.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've also talked about tri-types here.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: We have a lot of life that informs our way of thinking and our doing.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That comes involved along with our dominant type and you know, is part of our motivations and part of our our behavior.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that two side, that helper, man, it's really needed in motherhood.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: It is definitely needed when I read it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I feel like every mom is this, right?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like every every mom at least has to be.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, or at least has some part of it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: It just seems to make sense.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, it's just fraught with thinking about other people before you think of yourself.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: And that is a hundred percent the season that I'm in.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't really feel like it's gonna end.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you and I were talking a little bit at the beginning about your season of life.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: You have older children than I do.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I always think, okay, it's so thick right now, and they need so much of me.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so I have to give, give, give.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm sure it's the same when they get older, it just looks a little different.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's like every phase of motherhood, I think you are a two somehow.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the ultimate dying to yourself, losing yourself.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know in it, when we are losing yourself unto, you know, surrendering our weaknesses to the Lord, we get back, but it's its own suffering.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's your own exfoliating what was either the mask or the unhealthy adapted self and surrendering to just this weak place because in every season you've never done it before with this child.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had three and three and a half years, and so it was shocking to say the least.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so now we're in a very different situation.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was drowning back then, but you know, it's its own hard emotionally, I would say, even more so, and the teenage angst and the late, the late nights, you know, and um not so many early mornings, though I still have one who likes, you know, 6 30.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, come on, you can sleep in now.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: I have one that's an extreme early bird, and I'm and people keep telling me to wait until he's into puberty and he's more of a teenager and maybe he'll sleep more.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I just don't know that it's in the cards.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like it just won't ever happen for him.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe for a couple of years you can get a reprieve.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, otherwise it will be your sweet memory of like that's your buddy, your morning buddy.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Which is fine when you're not pregnant and exhausted or up all night with the babe.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: Very true.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I love it.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love just understanding a little bit more about what motivates us and kind of getting a glimpse behind the, you know, the author and and just the life and and what drives you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, for sure, like you said, that too is so needed and there's so much demanded of us and motherhood, and but also a lot of beauty in it as well.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: It is.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's a lot of complication to it.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like you said, there's a lot of beauty, like you said, but there's also a lot of complication because my family needs the best version of me so that I can give all of those things.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: But attending to myself, be able to give that best version, it's something I'm extremely aware of is lacking in my life.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I have so much trouble getting there.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: I have so much trouble with self-care, taking time for that, feeling guilty if you do take time for that.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I was actually talking to my husband about it yesterday because I was like, you know, the only things that I do that are self-care related are like grooming things, like getting my hair cut.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: And even that I can feel bad about.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: My husband is the ultimate 50-50 partner.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like he does just as much as I do, which is fantastic.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so he's like, I don't know why you feel that way, because I would gladly step in and help.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I know, but if you look at me the wrong way, I will think, oh, this is like crossing his boundary, and he actually needs to be doing something else.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: So he can't really help me with the kids.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so then I just start feeling bad.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: And it's just this spiral of things, you know.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like motherhood has so many things with that.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: You feel guilty for so many things.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: So being a two, while it's great and I see the benefit in lots of areas, I also feel the burden of it as well.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and how depleted, you know, you can be at so many points.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: For a two, especially, the boundaries are incredibly difficult to enforce.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: You realize unfortunately, oftentimes a little too late, that you're headed to burnout, you're exhausted, you're pouring from an empty cup.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times in coaching women, it's being aware that of the signals before you get to that point, but then also putting in those boundaries and then realizing, and this is where like the beauty of the Holy Spirit, the partnership of the Holy Spirit, we as for a two accesses the high side of the eight.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're, you know, if you've read a two goes to the low side of the eight in stress.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I believe when we do the heart work and the soul work, we go to the high side of the eight.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And when you access that eight, you are able to proceed in soul care rhythms and turn a blind eye to those side eyes, those, you know, those looks that you read into and stuff.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, something extremely liberating that my husband said, and this, you know, take it however you want.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And he's a nine, but he said, Well, actually, I do a lot of things that I mind because I too struggle with like I feel badly to ask or whatever, you know, and stuff.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, I I actually do things that I mind.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: At first I don't want to because I'm selfish, but I get over it because I love you and I do want to help you.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, the bigger goal is I want to help you and support you and do what you need.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was just the reality of like, you're right.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do I expect him to be messiah and have to be like totally pure in the process of helping?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Am I totally pure in the process of helping?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, never.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to work through whatever it is that comes up in me automatically, but ultimately I do want to help.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's something liberating in that process of going, okay, he might give an immediate look that isn't the like, sure, whatever you need, babe, you'll take those three hours.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or he might not even think of suggesting it, but the reality of harnessing that eight and going, it's okay if not everyone's going to agree with me, but I need to do what I need in a healthy way so that way I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better author, a better, you know, caretaker of all the things.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: So all right, well, let's talk about your book.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: It came across my desk, hands down.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, I don't know if I really want to read this, but I know I need to read this.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Love Me in the Waiting.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know you have a plethora of stories, personal stories in this.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's probably many broken-hearted moments that led you to this message to sharing your stories, but why don't you share one or two of them just that were foundational in the forming of your book and sharing, sharing this with others?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: The idea of the book started several years ago when my husband and I were going through the adoption process.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: So our oldest son is adopted.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: He's 10 and he came home when he was four.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: This summer we're celebrating six years with him.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: And prior to that, we, you know, talking about the motherhood stuff and all the things that I feel now as a two and whatever.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: When we got married, we were like 50-50 on the kid thing.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we could have them, we could not have them, we probably would be fine.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: Being pregnant never sounded fun to me.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, who would want to do that?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: I don't really know.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, really, all things considered, I'm with you.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't sound fun.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I wasn't the girl that dreamed of that, you know, that dreamed of being pregnant, having babies.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so we just had a situation where the Lord kind of dropped this little girl in our lap of like, hey, she needs a mom and dad.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: And my husband had said to me, you know, as much as I don't want to have babies, I have imagined if I'm gonna be a dad one day, it would be through adoption.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, oh, okay.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: So we sort of chased that particular situation down until a dead end.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: And that happened three times.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: So we we lost three adoptions prior to our son coming home.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: But losing all of those are what led to him.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: So it is funny now with me being just a boy mom.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of people will say to me, but you guys can always adopt a girl.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I tried.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: I tried three girls and none of them came home, you know.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: So it just wasn't in the cards for us.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: But through that whole process, like I think it was probably the length of three to four pregnancies, you know, that this whole thing took.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I was watching all of my other friends and family members that were in a similar age range have their pregnancies, and you had that eight to nine months and you could see progress, and you were celebrated when this baby was coming into your life at a particular point.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: And while we had people surrounding us, supporting us financially and and some emotionally and things like that, the celebration looked very different and took much longer.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember feeling so alone, and we didn't have anyone in our life that was really close to us at the time that was also adopting.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: I just no one could relate to how I felt.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't have the words or the tools to be able to tell the people around me, like, this is how I need you to show up for me.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: I just didn't know how to ask.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: That is when it started the the idea of love me in the waiting.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how can someone love me when I'm going through my waiting seasons?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: And that was a strong one for me that kind of just birthed the message.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: And so over the years, you know, other things would happen, like like we've talked about if you're not currently in a waiting season, you're gonna enter one or you just exited one.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: There were other situations that would happen.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: And then when my publisher came to me and they were like, We really want, we love the Love Me and the Waiting Idea, we want it to publish this book.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: That conversation happened just a few months before COVID hit.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: So it was really interesting timing.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: And December of 2019, we found out that our oldest son is adopted, had a brain tumor.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so we are currently in the thick of that.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so it was really interesting to be writing this message and really exploring all of these stories in the Bible where people waited for the Lord, and sometimes they waited well and sometimes they didn't, but the Lord had so much purpose in that time.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, it was very therapeutic just to be able to dive into those stories and like what is it that the Lord is showing me?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because in the midst of those times, you can feel so abandoned.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: And that's that's how I felt is like, Lord, where are you?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: I often tell people in our adoption process before our son came into our life, the the little girl that we lost before that, it was an extremely traumatic situation.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_03: And she had been in our home, and we were overseas to bring her home, and she was taken from us in the orphanage.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's very much like out of a movie something.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I've always considered myself someone very strong in her faith.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: It comes from my parents, they're just very firm in their faith, and they pass that along to me.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_03: And it was the first time in my life that I was like, I feel like I'm losing my faith.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: I can't reconcile what's happening to me with who you are.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: And it just doesn't compute, it just doesn't add up.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so to walk that journey and then to now be where I am with our son, where I don't know why this has happened, I don't know all the situations.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's a unique situation in that he's perfectly fine.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like every day he seems fine.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: He has had no symptoms of it, nothing that has shown.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: But every week when we're at the doctor, you know, they're telling you all the things they see and what the imaging says, and it's just so hard to put the two together, you know.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's really interesting to find the Lord in those moments and like what are you doing and where are you?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Because I I am seeing you if you choose to, you can find him.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, but sometimes you have to look really hard, and sometimes you have to really ask, you know, Lord, show me where you are.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: Those are the broken-hearted things that are kind of like surrounding why I wanted to write the book, and then so much has come out of it just by researching each of those stories.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's been really, really incredible.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, there's so much here.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think about what you even alluded to, people in there trying to be kind or or witty, you know, well, why don't you just adopt a girl?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And yet there's so much pain.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: I knew your story ahead of time, and so I but I didn't understand that there were four boys, and so I'm like, uh, there has to be pain there to have lost the girls, you know.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or those who are listening, we're both like eyes are welling up a little bit.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's pain there.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fact that the Lord chose you to be the parents of your boy, your oldest, who's going through yet another really hard time.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Man, how do you reconcile that?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's hard.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I talk about his life in the way of when he gets older, he has no idea all that he's gone through.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: This is so normal to him.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, that he just thinks, I mean, he sees other children getting chemotherapy and he sees other children at the hospital.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: So to him, it's like this just happens to people.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: He can't equate what's actually going on.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so I always say, when he gets older, obviously he'll have his testimony of this and what the Lord showed him and what the Lord did in his life, when he can realize it.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: But yet the Lord does show me a lot through his life.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: And one of those things is just how specifically he cares for us.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you dive into our son's story, had any of those adoptions worked out prior to him, we wouldn't have him because we wouldn't have pursued that situation.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: When he came home, we had no idea that he had any underlying medical things.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: Cause like I said, he doesn't really show signs of anything.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: One little thing, which was like a puffiness on his face, led me to see all these different little specialists.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: And we discovered that he did have a neurological disease that was pretty dormant in his body, but it could, you know, manifest things later in life.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: And so we had to watch him so closely.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: And what was interesting is the particular thing that he had, he's from the island of Grenada.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: So he's a Caribbean baby.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: So we brought him here to the US.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: And what was interesting is the leading pediatric doctors for the specific disease that he has are here in Nashville.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's so, you know, it's so hard to trace the Lord's hand sometimes, but I you can get to certain points in your life, and like I look at the Lord pinpointing us to be his parents and to bring him here.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: And my husband and I, neither of us are from here.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: And so my husband is a professional drummer, and so he came to Nashville to do that.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: And had he not chosen that and come here and decided to build his life here, you know, I wouldn't be here, and then Aiden wouldn't have, you know, it's just really amazing how specifically the Lord cares for you.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: And Aiden's life teaches me that.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and so throughout this book, you can also see that because I talk about several stories that actually all go together when you talk about Abraham, and then when you talk about you know Isaac and you talk about Jacob, all of these different things, like there's such specifics to it.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: And the story of Moses, I talk about Moses and his faith and the faith that Moses had for the people of Israel.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like you and I are products of that faith.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: And just to be able to draw that line and to see like the Lord took care of us all the way back then before we even knew that we needed to be taken care of.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: So how he thread us together, how he has woven our stories in a way that is so unique and could not be orchestrated outside of a divine, supreme, loving being.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for diving into that.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a precious story.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I'm encouraged, and I know that our friends are going to be encouraged to just hear that today.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just talking about this on Sunday round the table.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's the Trinity and it's the Bible.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's where we just need to, you know, stake things.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we can explore scripture and see how it reflects and what it teaches us, it's there's so much power in that.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: So there really is.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_03: As an author, that is the way that I work.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: through things.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: So if I have an idea where I feel like the Lord has given me an idea, I will go back to scripture or even the things that I'm dealing with in my life.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: And this is a good example of this never-ending season.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we don't know when this season with our son is going to end.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: We don't know if it will end.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: So I wanted to go back to the scripture and be like, has anyone gone through this?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: And what did the Lord do then?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I think we can feel far removed from the times of the Bible.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: But if you read those stories, there's such a way to modern application.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there's a way to apply that in a modern way.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's what the book does, you know, kind of gives you a modern day look at how this applies to you now.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I too am you know going through something where I don't it's it's one of those that it's even going to get worse before it gets better.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: One of those hard things is you can well relate to and man, it's tough when you don't know how long this season's going to be.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the painful thing of waiting.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's one thing when you can count it at least nine months, okay, maybe a couple of weeks when you're expecting a baby in your womb.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I really liked what you did, especially in like the last chapter and kind of what prompted the book as well, which is I think so interesting to our self-help care, soul care like we got to ask for help.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: How do we ask for people to love us as we're going through these hard things?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I'm terrible because I don't know because I don't know how long it's going to last, you know, and I I hate to be a burden to anybody and I'm the one who likes to go bring meals and be the shoulder to cry on, but I'm needy in this season.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just love how you took that, you know, and gave some practical application one to the person who's in the waiting season and how does it look to ask for help.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: But all of us are partnering with people if we love well at all, we're we have people in our lives who are in this waiting season.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so why don't you highlight a couple of those ideas, those lessons that you take from a biblical context of what we can do with for others and with others in their waiting season.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because it's definitely it's both sides of what you said.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's you need particular things.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: You need people to show up for you in a particular way but also you want to be that for other people you know when it's when it's their season of waiting.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: And so what I did is the book ends the last chapter is on Mary and Martha when um they're waiting for the Lord to come and raise Lazarus from the dead.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I felt like when I was rereading that story and just really researching it that the Lord was showing us so much in his silence.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: He was showing us so much in his timing and I wanted to figure out what that was.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: And so as I read it I was like you know this whole story is showing me step by step what this should kind of look like for the rest of us.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: And so the first lesson that I give is that you show up when the time is right.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: And as a mom, this is even more important than I think it has been at any other time in my life.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: And the way I describe this is my husband and my kids get the first parts of me.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's just how it is it's how it's always going to be it's how it should be and there are other people in my life that I'm super close to that I love so much that I want to just drop everything and be there for them.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: You know my one of my closest friends lives in California and she is also dealing with her own health kind of crisis and I haven't been able to physically be there with her.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: And it's so painful.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's so painful that I just can't show up and just cook her a meal and just sit with her and visit with her.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: But I can't do that because I my youngest right now is 20 months and I'm pregnant with another one.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: You know so it's like they need me.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: They need every second of me.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so it was interesting to me that Jesus did the same thing.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: Where he was at the time that he learned of Lazarus he was doing an important work and he shows that by saying I'm not going to go for a couple of days because I need to finish what I'm doing here and then I will go.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: And of course when he shows up Mary and Martha are like are you kidding me where have you been had you been here this would not have happened and how often do we do that?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like Lloyd you know I think I have a better handle on this and you could have you could have shown up at this time exactly.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly like you could have stopped all of these things from happening or he shows us um to show up whenever the time is right.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: And then the second thing is that once you do show up be all there and when he was there he was completely there for that situation completely there for the people that were a part of that story.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think it's easy with all of the outside things that we have going on especially as a mom my brain is split so many different directions it's really hard to focus um a lot of computer tabs open I call it yes so shut down the tabs.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Right exactly so like when you show up for someone that really needs you put your phone away like if you if you've carved out this time you put that phone away and you're there for them.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: And a part of this is a bit what you were alluding to earlier of what do you do and what do you say?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: I call this the need for companionable silence.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_03: And Jesus just showed up and there were moments in that story that he didn't say anything.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't say anything and it talks about like the next point I make is that you grieve with them.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: This is like one of the most famous verses right that he wept Jesus wept and so he wasn't babbling on about something in that moment.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: He's just crying he's just being there he's feeling all of the emotions feeling all of the grief and he's just there for them.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that is another indication of what we should do.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_03: And then last I talk about um when the time is right helping them remove their grave clothes.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: If you really dive into the story and you and it talks about you know when he's raised from the dead and they help him remove his grave clothes those are things preserving him for death.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I think through our waiting seasons and the things that we're going through you can feel the permanency of it.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_03: And COVID is such a good example of that.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like it gets to a point where it's like this is never ending and this is just the new way of life.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_03: The normal is gone and this is the new normal.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that we can start to put on these figurative grave clothes of like this is just the way that it is and we're just going to wrap ourselves up in this.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_03: But there is a time that the Lord is bringing you out of this.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_03: But oftentimes we don't really know how to take off the reminders of the death take off the reminders of the past so I think this story also shows us that you know that sometimes you might need help with that.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because he certainly was never going to forget that he was once dead and was raised back to life.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: There is a time sometimes when we need the physical transition to happen to remind us of the spiritual.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_03: That is so true.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's so powerful.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: I really loved it and I it really helped me navigate as well this conversation again experiencing a huge loss in our community recently because my kids were just our part of this grieving process and we were talking about how different people grieve and how do we help and things that Christians say in order to try to make it feel better.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I really liked how you just it's incredibly simple.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's what Jesus did and I think that's all that we're asked to do.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to come up with fancy words or you know do things that are beyond what our boundaries and what we're able to do.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: But we can also bring hope and all of those are so powerful.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: I think so I mean just in you have all of those things within you what if you are a believer then the Lord is in you.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_03: And so any type of encouragement that he gives he can give by your presence and that's what he did to Mary Martha just his presence just him being there.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_03: And in the same way that we we spoke earlier about you know Lord had you been here this wouldn't have happened.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we all go through that we all have those emotions but I I talk about in this story in particular yes like the Lord can show up and he can stop something from happening.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: But how much more was his majesty on display that he reversed something that mankind couldn't touch.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah that's good.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: For this particular story that was a a certain thing you know someone being raised from the dead but in our life sometimes that reversal looks different.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: And it may not be going back to how things were right but going back in a particular way may be better.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know and so um his timing is impeccable even if we don't realize it and we may not realize it for a while.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah because it's it's hard to always see the I mean we know the word of God shows us time and time again for God's glory and for our good it's just hard to wait for the good sometimes which just the whole point the point of your book and the and the words of this and I appreciated even more so and I think because I'm in the middle of I hate to say hard season but it just is and it's the unknown but you write from that place because you yourself are in that waiting season and it's an indefinite but you speak truth and hope in a way that's really relatable.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: So you've done a beautiful job.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know speaking to the not knowing when things are going to end I talk about several concepts in the book but the the main one that I bring up a lot is the difference in your perspective.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: If you stop looking for the end, stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and look for Jesus in the middle of it.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: If you're expecting God instead of expecting an end, how different that will be how different you'll be able to navigate this season.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: And as I tell you this, I'm like the mirror is pointed on me.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Because totally I I have those same things I have those same moments of just like I want this to be over with.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: I want to know what life is going to be like after this.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: But I can't do that because I don't know when that is I don't know if that is and so I have to look for where the word is now and what he's doing now not only in our son's life but our family's life and what he's doing through us.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: And so I have to focus there.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_03: That helps me navigate better.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Battle preach that is a good word.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love it and it's it's just a perfect note to end on.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you Crystal I so appreciate your time and sharing the beauty of your story.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you thank you for having me.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you need most as you wait on the board?
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: I really would love to learn more about what encouraged you today and where you're at with all of this.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's really easy to send me an email or even send a message on Instagram.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: If we aren't friends yet there it's at wholeheartedIne.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can also leave a five-star review on this podcast platform so I know which episodes have encouraged you or what aspects of the episodes might encourage you.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can also get Crystal's book Love Me in the Waiting, Trusting God's Purpose when you're longing for what's next.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean that title right so good.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And as you can tell she's got a lot of wisdom and insight and I think it's she's someone you can relate to.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and check out her profile there on Instagram as well so you can meet her sweet boys and their newest edition.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: So cute I love it.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time remember you are the mom your kids need.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Continue to pursue perspective purpose and plan for the whole heart of life design