Latest / Voices for Voices® / Meeting Every Expectation Yet Still Falling Apart? | Episode 433

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Meeting Every Expectation Yet Still Falling Apart? | Episode 433 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode.
• 0:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We couldn't make this happen without your love and support.
• 0:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So thank you, one and all, whether you're here in the United States or whether you are in one of the over 100 countries and over a thousand cities worldwide on our way to 3,000 cities and 300 countries and helping at least 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 0:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you so much for that.
• 0:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Again, uh this show would not be made possible if it wasn't for people like you that are watching and listening, who are sharing to their uh you know their 25 closest friends and their friend group, colleagues, uh uh teammates, uh fellow teachers.
• 1:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh we're we're here for everyone.
• 1:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh not all topics we realize are going to resonate, and not all guests will resonate.
• 1:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, but having over 430 episodes in our portfolio, in our catalog, uh, I have a really good feeling that 40 to 50 episodes uh will actually uh resonate with you and to those who you share Voices for Voices with or nonprofit charity at heart.
• 1:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh we are a 501c3.
• 1:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh all donations at loveloices.org, lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org uh are in the United States 100% federally tax uh deductible.
• 2:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh so a tax time coming uh might be a good i idea if uh that is something that interests you.
• 2:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh the money goes to uh producing, making the show what it is.
• 2:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's a lot of uh software, hardware behind the scenes uh that is used, as well as we help uh pay for individuals who are deciding that uh uh they may need some mental health care.
• 2:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we know the bills, I know the bills that go into that, uh, having experienced that myself.
• 2:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, and and so that's what we're uh what we're about, where the money goes.
• 2:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, and then the big goal we have obviously helping at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime beyond.
• 3:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, but we are uh looking, you know, big-time goals of a St.
• 3:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Jude's like hospital for mental health and mental illnesses, where everything's paid for.
• 3:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You don't have to worry about insurance, you don't have to worry about nothing.
• 3:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You just have to bring yourself uh to the location and all expenses will be paid for.
• 3:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's the big goal.
• 3:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We have other big goals that um we're not able to share right now because they're in they're in the process of uh coming true.
• 3:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So thank you again.
• 3:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We love you.
• 3:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're sending good vibes your way.
• 3:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You don't have to be a believer, uh, but we're praying for each and every one of you each and every day.
• 3:52
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Can never have too many good vibes.
• 3:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Let's jump in.
• 3:59
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Expectations.
• 4:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Expectations are interesting because expectations, and so I'm gonna give you my my background, my experience, and maybe it's like yours, maybe it's not.
• 4:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, maybe you feel the same way or a little bit.
• 4:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh you know, expectations on what people are gonna think or able to do as an individual, as a as a human being, as yeah, as a human being.
• 4:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, well, he should be able to do this, she should be able to do this.
• 4:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And sometimes we meet our expectations, sometimes we don't, sometimes we miss them horribly, sometimes we blowpass them in a positive way.
• 5:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And the first thing that comes to my mind when we talk about are we meeting expectations, are we not, is the workforce.
• 5:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You know, performance reviews.
• 5:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How did we do last year?
• 5:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Did we meet our goals?
• 5:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Did we exceed?
• 5:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Did we miss them?
• 5:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Etc.
• 5:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: etc.
• 5:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And the answers in the eye of the beholder.
• 5:34
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We know that we could put a we can put a painting, we could put uh abstract painting in front of ten people and might get ten different answers of like, what do you see?
• 5:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we might get ten different answers.
• 5:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And expectations in a corporate work setting work a little bit like that, except sometimes we're able to put numbers to that of we're you know, meeting expectations is doing this at this number, not meet expectations is lower than this number, exceeding expectations are a number higher, and so you get the idea, and and you know the work experience and in that I think is a big um big example of when we talk about expectations.
• 6:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's expectations in our lives no matter what, whether it's in a work setting, whether it's in a I'll call it like a hobby setting, or like something we do on the side that we'd like to do.
• 7:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh there's so many, so many ways I can think of like my house is bigger than your house.
• 7:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I have this in my house, and you don't have this in your house.
• 7:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's that's expectations of I have this, you have that, so the expectation is well we're gonna have something similar in theory.
• 7:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't.
• 7:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And expectations can make or break a person's professional, personal life, personal career, professional life, professional career.
• 8:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And this is where I think you know, mental health really comes into play because a lot of times we're being you know, the expectations, I think, so this is this is my opinion, Justin Allen Hayes.
• 8:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I think unless somebody is going through or has gone through, or knows somebody has gone through the mental challenges, it's really hard to say, oh, this person didn't meet expectations.
• 8:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Okay, well, did they have the opportunity to?
• 8:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we've talked about this before, right?
• 9:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're at a lower level, a CEO makes a decision, affects the whole company, whole organization.
• 9:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And what we do doesn't play a large role or big enough role to make a difference.
• 9:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It doesn't in this in this example, and a lot of examples, where the day-to-day actions we do helps in really minute ways.
• 9:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But we get judged and say, oh, the company did this, so um we can't get merit raises, uh, we can't get bonuses.
• 9:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And sometimes, again, going back to the mental health side, if a person doesn't understand major depression, doesn't understand acute anxiety, uh, autism anywhere, everywhere on the spectrum.
• 10:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh and the list goes on the ADHD, ADD, all those.
• 10:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If they haven't experienced that, and even if they have, it's like a judge, it's like a judgment day in essence, where okay, meetings on the calendar, so we're not professional wise here.
• 10:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Meetings on the calendar, we show up, and we think we're gonna be going over our performance, and next thing you know, show up, and there's human resources, the person you never seen before, uh, and somebody in uh, you know, that runs the computers like information technology, and they're like, Well, you didn't meet your goals, or it's not working out, so you're out of a job.
• 11:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Even if you've done the best you can, or even if you haven't, you're being judged against other people, like the expectation is this.
• 11:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so, what I want to say is having been in a situation like this, exactly like this, actually, uh leading up until that point in time to that hap, you know, that that event that I just referred to, all you can do is ask, right?
• 12:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So if you're being asked to do something, you do what you can.
• 12:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You talk to the people you you're able to, you get the answers, or people are unavailable over time.
• 12:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um you ask for training, the help, none's given, it's it's talked about.
• 12:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll help you, we'll train you on this, we'll help you on this.
• 12:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: After me asking that.
• 12:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And again, this isn't the this has nothing to do with a vendetta on anything.
• 12:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: These are facts that happen.
• 12:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So if you're watching and listening from said company, said organization, thank you for joining us.
• 13:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you for watching, thank you for listening.
• 13:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But you know that that's what I did.
• 13:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You know that I asked.
• 13:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I asked for help, I asked for training.
• 13:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I didn't get any.
• 13:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so the only thing that you knew was to cut me loose.
• 13:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so there was a period of time, right?
• 13:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's kind of like almost like the uh the stages of grief in a way.
• 13:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's like, well, what else what could I have done differently?
• 13:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What could what could have changed a situation?
• 13:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I was ringing the alarm way before that date.
• 14:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Again.
• 14:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I need help, I need training, I need help, I need training, I need help, I need training.
• 14:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I take some of the blame, but I don't take the amount of blame that it takes to say, okay, we're gonna we're gonna fire a person because of whatever reason.
• 14:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so those things happen, and so there's these expectations and comparisons in the workforce of well, we have you know, the manager or director has ten people that report to them, and so when it comes time for reviews, everybody can't get a meet or exceed on on their review.
• 15:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: They have to get what's called a bell curve.
• 15:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's got to be somebody at the low end, which doesn't get anything, no merit raise, no nothing, didn't didn't basically basically didn't do their job for the last year.
• 15:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You're gonna get somebody all the way on the other end that they were just so awesome, they're so close to perfect, and then the majority go in the middle, so it's kind of like it's like a little bit of a flat line and then goes up, down, and then over.
• 15:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's called a bell curve.
• 15:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Looks like a bell, and so that comes into play as well.
• 15:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so those are things that you know we in the work workforce we don't have that much control over.
• 16:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I've also been in positions where I've done very well.
• 16:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And yet I still didn't do good enough in the eyes of the organization, the company.
• 16:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because I was being compared to other people.
• 16:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The expectation.
• 16:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Expectations were well, we expected this, yep, you did that, thank you, but um no merit raise for you.
• 16:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Or if you get one, you get one that's minimal that doesn't even doesn't even cover the cost of living increase.
• 17:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So all of these things are related to expectations.
• 17:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So we're bringing the the professional side into it.
• 17:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We do talk about that on this show.
• 17:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We don't talk about on every single show, but we do talk about it, and so this is one of the the the reasons and one of the ways that we do it.
• 17:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So we talk and we share and call it what you want.
• 17:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I kind of think there might be at least one person out there that's maybe been through something similar.
• 17:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Just a hunch.
• 17:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so there's these expectations that are implicit where we or it's like in inside of us where we think that there are whether there's real expectations or artificial expectations that are inside our mind or assumptions.
• 18:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I've done that.
• 18:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I've assumed a lot over the course of my life.
• 18:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Try not to.
• 18:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then there's the explicit where you can look at something on a paper piece of paper, say, okay, we need to grow at five percent this year.
• 18:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's great.
• 18:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The big thing I want to share is when goals are being set, if you don't have the right tools, you know, the right software, the uh, and you don't have you're not able to impact that, that goes back to you know, the CEO makes a decision, affects the whole organization, they go bankrupt, and everybody's out of a job.
• 19:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, that wasn't me.
• 19:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I didn't make that decision.
• 19:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's on the CEO.
• 19:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's you know, the people making those decisions, not me or not you.
• 19:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And those things just happen.
• 19:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's not a whole lot we can do about that.
• 19:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But if you're given when you're goal setting with your your boss, your manager, whoever it is, if it's not something that you can impact, you need to tell them and do not agree to goals that are so far-fetched to goals that again let's say there's a manufacturing component of your organization, your company, my organization, my company, and part of our performance review is how many pieces of a particular product are gonna be made every single day.
• 20:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And you're nowhere, you're not and you're not the person that's or on the team that is impacting that just saying, Oh, Justin, well, uh we want we want you to make this many pieces per day.
• 21:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: No, that's not going on my performance review, that's not going on my goals, nowhere, no how.
• 21:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If I'm not actually the person making the things and having a direct impact, it's not going on my not going on my goals.
• 21:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And you might say, well, duh, that may like why would it?
• 21:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You'd be surprised.
• 21:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You'd be very surprised with some of the goals that get put in front of you and I that we don't directly.
• 22:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Impact.
• 22:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Another example is negotiating contracts.
• 22:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If we're not even in a position to negotiate or part of the negotiation team, that's not going on my that's not going on my goals.
• 22:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And those are expectations, goals, expectations.
• 22:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Some assumptions, but we're talking mostly about expectations on this episode.
• 22:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's the part that's hard.
• 22:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Is we get afraid, I get afraid of bringing up said topics.
• 23:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like, why I can't bring that up because my my manager, my boss, my director, it's gonna get them upset.
• 23:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, you know what's gonna get it gonna get you upset is if you don't meet your goals and you're out of a job in a year or less.
• 23:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I think a lot of us have have learned over the last few years about this, but that's why we're hammering this one home today on this this particular show.
• 23:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Is you are empowered.
• 23:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We talked about extraordinary, ordinary people.
• 23:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: This is being extraordinary.
• 23:52
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: This is standing up for yourself, standing up for your family.
• 23:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If you're unable to stand up, I I apologize for using these words.
• 24:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh stand up in your mind.
• 24:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Don't be afraid to to say no.
• 24:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And if you have a if you have a manager, if you have somebody that's persistent, then maybe you need to look for a new job.
• 24:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Or look for a new area of the company, depending on the size.
• 24:34
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If it keeps getting rammed down your throat.
• 24:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Have to do this, have to do this, have to do this.
• 24:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Miss Mister, I I have I have no way to impact that.
• 24:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So why why why am I gonna have that on on my my for my goals?
• 25:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And you may be you may be thinking, of course, that makes a lot of sense.
• 25:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But in the moment, it's hard.
• 25:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's hard to bring it up and say, excuse me, um, I you know that I don't have a way to impact this particular goal.
• 25:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: This goal is like you're working at a company with, let's say, twenty thousand employees, they're humongous and being rated and and and all that based off of the performance of the company.
• 25:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we have a teeny teeny teen teen teeny teeny part in that.
• 25:59
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But if the company doesn't meet that that particular goal, then that looks like, oh, sorry, Justin, you didn't meet this goal?
• 26:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, how am I supposed to?
• 26:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If I'm not in constant interaction with the president, CEO, the board of directors, if I'm not in there helping make decisions, how can one of the things, one of the areas that I'm gonna get rated at the end of the year, or graded on, looked at expectations, not only what did I do, and then the team.
• 26:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I could have performed I could have performed great.
• 26:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's happened before, but then there's that thing I just talked about earlier: a bell curve.
• 26:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I perform great, but so did everybody else on my team.
• 27:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so the manager, director, they gotta do the bell curve.
• 27:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Some do it that way.
• 27:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: A lot of the organizations I worked at, that's what they do.
• 27:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's on a bell curve.
• 27:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's not everybody on the team can exceed or meet expectations.
• 27:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's not like that in most instances.
• 27:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because, see, there's only what's told to us is there's only so much money to go around for raises and maybe bonuses, and so we can't give everybody on the team what they're what they actually earn, what you know, the meeting or exceeding expectations.
• 27:52
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So even though somebody performed fantastic, they could still end up on the bot the the end, uh, the lower end of that bell curve.
• 28:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Say, wait, great job, Justin, but everybody else did the same, and then you start getting these reasons of weird, crazy stuff that come out, like, oh, well, you took a 31-minute lunch, or whatever.
• 28:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You get these like little weird things that come into play.
• 28:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Very weird, very like you're like, what?
• 28:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Nobody brought anything up about this when it was going on.
• 28:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'll give an example about something that did happen to me.
• 28:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So we were on location, we're having meetings, and so we were setting the schedule for the next day of what time we were going to get together, what time breakfast was, all those things.
• 29:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I found out that there was you get there was like a yoga class or something on on the rooftop, and I was like, oh, this seems interesting.
• 29:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I asked the front desk, like, what time and all that.
• 29:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I had that information, okay.
• 29:34
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh so the day goes on, we do our do our meetings, we do our dinner, and at dinner, somebody somebody in the team asked asked me, they said, I heard there was, you know, they do you know yoga, you know, real early in the morning on the roof of major city.
• 30:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh are you gonna try are you gonna do it?
• 30:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I was like, I don't know.
• 30:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I I don't think I should because we're you know, the times we're looking at the meet.
• 30:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Conflict.
• 30:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's a conflict, so I was like, no, I don't think so.
• 30:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then the rest of the team was like, well why not?
• 30:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Just do it.
• 30:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I said, well, this is the time it is, and we're planning to meet at this time.
• 30:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then I am not even not even lying about this part, any of the parts.
• 30:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Especially the the the this whole story.
• 30:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So the the team goes, just do it, just do it.
• 30:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then come, you know, come to the meeting when you're done.
• 30:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I remember saying, well, yeah, I might be sweaty or whatever.
• 30:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And they're like, just go do it, and then come to the meeting, you know, come to our our meeting when we're when you're done with it.
• 31:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's not that long.
• 31:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so in my head, I was like, nah, I probably shouldn't do it.
• 31:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But people just kept saying, just do it, just do it.
• 31:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's not a big deal.
• 31:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I did it.
• 31:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I look out the you know, and inside the the glass doors.
• 31:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So when you're doing different poses, it it was um it was surfing yoga outside on the on the rooftop.
• 31:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So they had surfboards, so it was something that was interesting.
• 31:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I looked in at one point and I could see the team looking out and they're waving at me and smiling, they're not pointing at their watch, you know, they're not going like this, like what time it is.
• 32:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I after being told by all of them the night before, go ahead, do it.
• 32:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I did it.
• 32:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And guess what?
• 32:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That showed up on my review.
• 32:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It showed up on my review that I did yoga on the rooftop hotel when we were having meetings, and this is by the very one of the very people who approved it, said, Go ahead, do it.
• 32:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Yeah, no big deal.
• 32:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll wait for you.
• 32:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We know the time, and so they show up in my review, and so when I say there's weird stuff that kind of comes out at different times, that's some weird stuff that comes out and that came out.
• 33:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Should I have done it?
• 33:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, hindsight's 2020.
• 33:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I didn't just do it on my own without asking or anything.
• 33:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I asked other people brought it up, and so that sounds like something that you'd be interested in.
• 33:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I said, Yeah, and again, I went through you know probably about 10-15 minute conversation about uh I shouldn't do it.
• 33:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like, no, we got it, we're here for this, and and I got drilled on on my performance review for that.
• 33:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so when I say some weird stuff shows up, when people are when when people are saying grading or putting the expectations uh between you know you and the other people on your team, that's an example of some weird stuff that comes out.
• 34:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And for me, even to this day, bothers me a little bit.
• 34:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Can't lie.
• 34:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And all I can say is ask.
• 34:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I brought up in my review and said I asked you and and went down the list.
• 34:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so, why is this on my review?
• 34:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like it it didn't make sense, didn't make sense to me at all.
• 34:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And especially for the team to come up and to be smiling and laughing.
• 35:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, that that really got to me, that really bothered me.
• 35:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh and there's a little bit still bothers me today, a lot less.
• 35:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But I'm sharing this because there's some weird stuff that comes up on review.
• 35:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You can hit all your goals, you can do everything that's been asked of you.
• 35:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But that one time you did that thing, even though you asked, and even though everybody said that's no problem, just do it, we'll wait for you.
• 35:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um that's what brought me down.
• 35:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So what I like to say is have work be work and have your personal life be personal.
• 36:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Even though somebody says, yeah, go ahead, do it, you gotta think, what's their prerogative?
• 36:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What's their prerogative?
• 36:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Are they saying it because it really is okay?
• 36:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Or are they saying it to set you up or set me up?
• 36:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Looking back, I think I was set up.
• 36:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: They didn't have anything else against me, and then that's that's so that's what was brought up.
• 36:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So expectations.
• 37:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's a song called Don't Worry, Be Happy.
• 37:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You could only do so much, I can only do so much.
• 37:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I felt like I asked, because I did, and I got yes, yes, go ahead, do it, yes, yes.
• 37:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There was not excuse me, there was now one no answer when it came up.
• 37:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Everybody was like, Yeah, do it, do it.
• 37:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's no big deal.
• 37:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Instead of, if it was, just bring it up and say, no, probably shouldn't do it.
• 37:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Or no, don't do it.
• 37:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I wouldn't have done it.
• 37:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so that's why unfortunately we gotta we gotta watch what we do, we gotta watch, you know, the friend groups, we gotta watch everything because some people are just looking for a reason to knock us down a step.
• 38:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's a lot of organizations trying to do that to voices for voices, and it's not working, and it's not working.
• 38:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Take a sip of water.
• 38:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So expectations.
• 38:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So we talk about that a lot.
• 38:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What I'm gonna do next, I'm gonna read an excerpt.
• 38:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Actually, I'm gonna read my own my own words.
• 38:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: House of You prescription for Living.
• 38:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So this is my mental health memoir, call it.
• 39:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I've had a lot of support, still have a lot of support for putting it together.
• 39:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I wanted to, you know, how sometimes with with children, you'll have like a children's book for their birthday, and everybody writes something about the child and how they're growing and and uh you know what they mean to them, and uh and so in a way that's what this is, but this is this is me writing to my future self.
• 39:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so this was written in 2020, and I'm gonna read it now because it's so important, I think, for us to share, especially if you put a book, it doesn't even have to be a book, it can be anything really, anything that's important, it's able to be you know written on, and and so a book usually is uh an easier thing because you're able to um you're able to write usually there's blank pages or half blank pages, and and it'll stay there, and so that's what I did.
• 40:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I was writing this, what we're about to hear and see, and uh to my future self, which is kind of like me today, and into the future.
• 40:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it talks a lot about expectations and not knowing what's gonna happen mentally, spiritually, physically, just not knowing.
• 41:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I'm gonna read it, and I think you'll understand it.
• 41:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So I'm just gonna show see it and kind of see.
• 41:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So, this is what I'm I'm gonna be reading.
• 41:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, this is a memoir on my mental health, and what I'm reading is kind of a memoir to myself.
• 41:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Justin, congratulations for writing and publishing this book for all the times you didn't know what would happen next, and if there would ever be a time when you could start to enjoy life again without the unhealthy crutches, and as someone who was okay receiving the help you so badly needed, you can be bullheaded and not want to be helped, which was a majority of the time prior to November 2017, at which time you finally accepted that in order to have the best chance of not only surviving it, and I had to start not only my stigma-free life, but also find my prescription for living in order to help others find theirs.
• 42:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You're gonna help so many people by putting your story out that you will have no idea how much and how many others you will reach through them.
• 42:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Congratulations, Justin, Justin Allen Hayes, MBA 57 2020.
• 43:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so this is something that I have that again that I wrote to my my future self, and it's just so important because those words ring so true, still, even today.
• 43:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I don't know how many people are helping.
• 43:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I know we're helping a ton, we're helping a lot.
• 43:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Some people, some we know we're helping, and we get that feedback, and sometimes we don't, and that's okay.
• 43:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You didn't have to, you know, uh self admit yourself into one of the psych wards for five days, you didn't have to do that.
• 44:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But you did.
• 44:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You didn't have to write the book.
• 44:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But you did.
• 44:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You didn't have to use your name instead of a ghostwriter's name.
• 44:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But you did.
• 44:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So that's why this book is so means so much to me.
• 44:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Doesn't matter how many pages it is, could be two pages, ten pages.
• 44:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It doesn't matter.
• 44:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What matters is I stop worrying about the expectations of me towards others and try to stop the assumptions of me towards others.
• 44:59
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And do what I think I need to do for my mental health.
• 45:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so it's a very heav it's very heavy, heavy content.
• 45:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Very intimate details on my life.
• 45:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Growing up.
• 45:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Things were going good.
• 45:29
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then when things started uh veer off the tracks just a little bit.
• 45:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then things kinda almost well veered off the tracks altogether.
• 45:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so just to read that again, I haven't I haven't read it to myself or publicly like this in quite some time.
• 46:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But it makes a difference.
• 46:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Makes a difference to know that I had the fortitude to look forward and say you're gonna help so many people you don't even know.
• 46:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so when I talk about these big numbers that we're reaching, cities, countries, provinces, territories, whatever you want to call it, that we're reaching who we're reaching, we're helping.
• 46:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we have you to thank, our viewers, our listeners.
• 46:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because without you, we don't have a show.
• 46:52
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We don't have a reason to put on a show, we don't have a reason to share, you know, my story, my intimate details about just about everything.
• 47:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm about as transparent as you come, or as I come, as an individual comes, as transparent as an uh individual comes.
• 47:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So thank you for joining us.
• 47:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We truly appreciate it.
• 47:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We say it all the time, but it's so true.
• 47:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're not here without you.
• 47:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're sending good vibes, we're praying for you.
• 47:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You have a happy, healthy, prosperous life and whatever that looks like for you.
• 47:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we just want to thank everybody who's been a part of Voices for Voices.
• 47:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If you can share this, if you can share, give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, share, share, share.
• 48:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Text you know, 25 friends, 25 people on your phone, let them know about the voices or voices, TV show and podcast.
• 48:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Let them know we're a charity, let them know they can help support us by watching, listening, subscribing, liking, sharing, uh, and if you're able to uh able to donate monetarily at lovevoices.org.
• 48:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We greatly appreciate that.
• 48:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you so much for watching, listening to this show, and we will see you on the next episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 48:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And until then, let's celebrate the voices of everybody in the world, and let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but maybe somebody else that's in need of sharing their story.
• 49:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You can be you can be their their voice, their light, and their light, their story.
• 49:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: All stories are important.
• 49:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So we'll see on the next episode.
• 49:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We love you or thinking about you, and have a great day.
• 49:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll see you later.
• 49:21
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Love you.
• 49:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll see you later.