Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Be a Builder

Transcript

Be a Builder · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

0:09
SPEAKER_02: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
0:14
SPEAKER_02: But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
0:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
0:25
SPEAKER_02: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
1:00
SPEAKER_02: Hey, if you're watching live today, okay, and uh it looks a little different, uh, that's because we're trying something different.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: If it doesn't sound very good, we're still working on that as well.
1:12
SPEAKER_02: So um be patient with us.
1:16
SPEAKER_02: Um be patient with us.
1:18
SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna try new things.
1:20
SPEAKER_02: We want uh the quality of what we're trying to produce to be better and better for you, right?
1:25
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, you do.
1:29
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, we're using our new camera.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: We are using uh a new streaming system, OBS.
1:36
SPEAKER_02: What is this?
1:37
SPEAKER_00: It looks like Mr.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: Worldwide and 4K.
1:40
SPEAKER_02: Who said that?
1:41
SPEAKER_00: Devin Dr.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: Worldwide.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: Please don't feed that.
1:50
SPEAKER_02: That's a longer story that maybe one day we will tell on uh Facebook Live.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: No, no, we don't need to.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: We don't need to tell that.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: Hey, you're gonna get to go uh to my so something happened to me in Miami when we were down for a con a pastor's conference and Lisa was not with me.
2:07
SPEAKER_02: That involves uh Pit Bull and uh Mr.
2:11
SPEAKER_02: Worldwide, if some of y'all know that.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: And um anyway, you're gonna get to go this year, though.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: We're going back to that pastor's conference this year, and Lisa's gonna get to go.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: So I might take you to that restaurant.
2:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that'll be fun.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: We'll have to tell that story one day.
2:25
SPEAKER_02: Hey, I think we can care, we can uh I think we can create a marriage wedded Wednesday from that story, probably.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, probably.
2:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it could be.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, thanks for joining us today on uh Wedded Wednesday.
2:41
SPEAKER_02: Today is a good day.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: We're we're excited about being here, right?
2:46
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and uh we've got some great things for you today.
2:50
SPEAKER_02: And uh I'm gonna have to train my wife to look at the new camera and all those things because it's different.
2:59
SPEAKER_02: And if you're if you're just listening on the podcast, uh we're thankful that you are back each and every week as well.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: And uh, we're just asking that you do a couple of things for us for Wedded Wednesday.
3:09
SPEAKER_02: What we're asking is that each week when we do it, whether you're watching on Facebook Live or whether you're just listening to it on the podcast that comes out after the Facebook Live, that you just share it.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: Share it on the social media uh and all of those things.
3:24
SPEAKER_02: Look down in your show notes.
3:25
SPEAKER_02: There's all kinds of links that you're gonna want to take advantage of for the things that we're doing.
3:30
SPEAKER_02: It'll help you a lot.
3:31
SPEAKER_02: But if you can share this on your social media, it'll help get the word out about Wedded Wednesday, both live and both the podcast.
3:39
SPEAKER_02: Are you excited that it's now a podcast?
3:41
unknown: Yeah.
3:42
SPEAKER_02: Okay, this is gonna be like our fifth or sixth episode as a podcast.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: Now, we've been doing Wedded Wednesdays for a long time on Facebook Live, right?
3:51
SPEAKER_02: But many of you know that after 30 days, Facebook Live cancels them.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: Right.
3:54
SPEAKER_02: And a lot of people were saying, hey, we can't go back and get that information.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: It was really good.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Right.
3:59
SPEAKER_02: So that encouraged us to say, all right, great, we're gonna save it in an audio, put it on Wedded Wednesday as that an official podcast.
4:04
SPEAKER_02: You can get it anywhere uh that you stream your podcasts.
4:08
SPEAKER_02: And uh always make sure you check the show notes, right?
4:12
SPEAKER_02: They want to check the show notes, don't they?
4:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they do.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and if you, you know, you can buy my wife and I a sweet tea and a little Debbie snack cake if you want, right?
4:19
SPEAKER_02: There's a link right there in the podcast.
4:23
SPEAKER_02: If you like what we do, it's it's simple and it's right up, it's a link in there.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: You can go to sweet tea, keep him on.
4:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can also, if you're watching and listening to the Wedded Wednesday podcast, you're part of our church or our ministry, but you'd like you're interested in maybe what Lisa and I do with uh marriage seminars, marriage conferences, you can click on the link there, it's donmsmith.com, and uh you can see what we do with legacy leadership.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: And uh listen, you maybe you can book us to come and share.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: So boy.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh boy, it'd be great.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh it's all right there.
4:55
SPEAKER_02: It's so much fun.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: But today, say today.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: Today.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: Today, we are going to share a little devotion with you, like we do every Wednesday.
5:03
SPEAKER_02: All right, I got a scripture for us.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: Are you ready?
5:05
SPEAKER_02: All right, in Romans chapter 14, verse 19, the Bible says, Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
5:18
SPEAKER_02: Now that's in the NIV.
5:19
SPEAKER_02: I don't often read out of the NIV, but uh, I like the way it put that.
5:23
SPEAKER_02: Mutual edification.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: How listen, all right, let me ask you this question.
5:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna ask Lisa a question.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: Are you ready?
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Yep, I'm ready.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I don't think you're ready.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm probably not, but probably not.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: All right.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Saying I'm ready.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: Are you easily irritated by my little bitty quirks and habits?
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Some of them?
5:54
SPEAKER_00: Some and not all.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: Well, it can't be all of them, can it?
6:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm asking.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: If it was all of them, I don't think we'd be married.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: Be honest, be honest, right?
6:08
SPEAKER_00: I think some of them I'm a little more annoyed at than others.
6:12
SPEAKER_02: Or do you think that you were originally annoyed at them, or have I developed new quirks and habits?
6:21
SPEAKER_00: I probably always had a little annoyance about them, but I just you did.
6:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay, 34 or 35 years later now.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm like Or it's like I like you like to tell everyone, oh, I used to make her laugh.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: She used to think that was funny.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: Well, that is old.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: So you gotta have new material.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: You gotta come up with some new jokes, some new, not the same over and over and over.
6:48
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I got a new joke for you.
6:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh, are you ready?
6:50
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
7:02
SPEAKER_02: That's a new one.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: That's a new one for you, all right.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: That's a little quirk, right?
7:11
SPEAKER_02: Uh let me ask you this, okay?
7:13
SPEAKER_02: So this says, let us therefore, I I like this scripture, let us therefore make every effort.
7:19
SPEAKER_02: All right, uh, to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
7:25
SPEAKER_02: So what happens inside of marriage sometimes is people tend to get very familiar with each other.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: And some of the things that weren't a big deal at one time tend to be a big deal now, and we tend to not make every effort, okay, um, to bring peace and mutual edification.
7:51
SPEAKER_02: Instead, we just like to sit in our aggravation.
7:57
SPEAKER_02: You think so?
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, is it because people like to sit in their aggravation?
8:03
SPEAKER_00: I know, I'm just saying how I don't like to sit in my aggravation.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: Uh how much of a struggle though do you think that um happens inside of marriage over the little bitty things versus the big things?
8:18
SPEAKER_00: More often than that.
8:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so like how many times have we sat down with couples who are struggling and literally looked at the couple part way through the meeting and said, guys, this really isn't a big deal.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:32
SPEAKER_02: But it feels like a big deal to them.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: It does.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not really sure why.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: And and sometimes because some things can be a big deal to me, and then but it's really not.
8:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:45
SPEAKER_02: So uh sometimes we'll we'll get at the end of a meeting after a couple leaves, we'll just go, Oh man, that was tough.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: Uh, this is a really big deal, and we're not real sure how if they're gonna make it.
8:55
SPEAKER_02: And then they make it.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: Right.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: And then there's some couples we sit down and talk with, and we go, like, this is not a big deal, but they just can't overcome it.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: Do they want to overcome it?
9:06
SPEAKER_02: This is what I'm saying, like make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification.
9:11
SPEAKER_02: All right, so there's some things here that I think are important in the scripture that we need to understand.
9:15
SPEAKER_02: In Paul's day, there were some disagreements among Christians.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: Imagine that.
9:19
SPEAKER_02: Christians who have disagreements, right?
9:21
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
9:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and they were about some of the things that were little.
9:25
SPEAKER_02: Um, and in the grand scheme of things, I think they were really pretty petty.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Right.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: All right.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:31
SPEAKER_02: I don't have time to do that today because we're talking about marriage, but there's a lot of people.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: The similarity is how much struggle inside of marriage is really over petty things and not over the major issues.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: Majority.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: I think so.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: Majority of it.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: Even in our own relationship.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: How much how many times do we just really get ticked at each other over something that is just really pretty petty?
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, probably more often than should.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't I don't think there are any major issues.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: No, it's the little things.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: It's those little bitty petty things.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: Because people don't share what they are with their spouse.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, like the petty thing.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Correct.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, could you please stop?
10:22
SPEAKER_00: Could you help me more?
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Could you I think we don't ask anymore?
10:28
SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's somebody who's listening today, either on the live or on the podcast, who's saying, All right, give us an example, Pastor Don.
10:35
SPEAKER_02: All right, in the scripture, the petty thing that Paul was dealing with is some people thought you got to be vegetarians, and some people thought you had to you could still eat meat.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: Pretty petty, right?
10:44
SPEAKER_02: But it was a big deal to them.
10:46
SPEAKER_02: And so it was such a big deal, Paul had to write a letter, you know, that we still get to read.
10:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that we still get to read all these years later.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think conflict over these kind of things is very, very discouraging.
11:01
SPEAKER_02: Think about it in your marriage.
11:04
SPEAKER_02: How discouraged can you be over petty things?
11:10
SPEAKER_02: You always leave your shoes in the floor, you never take out the garbage, or you know what I'm saying?
11:15
SPEAKER_02: You you you never help pick up, or you don't do this, you you never wash the dishes, you never, you see what I'm saying?
11:21
SPEAKER_02: It's those little bitty petty things uh that I think can cause marriages to really begin to wrestle.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Now we're we're calling them petty things, but to that person, it's a big thing at the moment.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: That's a great illustration, right?
11:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, to them it's big in the moment.
11:37
SPEAKER_02: So listen to what Lisa is saying here, right?
11:40
SPEAKER_02: Perception becomes reality.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay, it doesn't mean it is, it just means that sometimes the way we perceive things isn't the complete truth.
11:52
SPEAKER_02: But that doesn't mean it isn't our reality in that moment.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Right.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean that we need to belittle the other person for feeling.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: Correct.
12:02
SPEAKER_02: That's why Roman says make every effort to do what leads to peace.
12:07
SPEAKER_02: And so belittling each other is not an effort to bring peace.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: Never the answer.
12:14
SPEAKER_02: You're never gonna find the solution that you want in the moment by belittling each other.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Right.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about that for a minute.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Dismissing the concern or dismissing.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: So dismissing is a form of devaluing their feelings about a situation.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: It's dismissing.
12:34
SPEAKER_02: That's a form of devaluing.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: So someone thinks it's important, you don't think it's important.
12:38
SPEAKER_02: So what you've done in that moment is devalue.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: But why does someone dismiss someone else's concern?
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think they're dismissing it like on purpose to be devaluing them.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh but to them it's not a big deal, so it's dismissive.
13:01
SPEAKER_02: I like it.
13:02
SPEAKER_02: I like it.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: You know?
13:03
SPEAKER_00: So But this is a big deal.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: In those moments should be to you.
13:07
SPEAKER_02: In those moments when we're being dismissive, we are not being a servant.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: 100% of the time.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: Are we being selfish?
13:16
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
13:17
SPEAKER_02: It's not that big a deal.
13:18
SPEAKER_02: You just need to get over it.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: It might be difficult for people to just get over something in a moment.
13:24
SPEAKER_02: What we need to do in these, in these, I think, moments is really look at a truth, right?
13:29
SPEAKER_02: Paul exhorts uh, I think, uh uh the Christians to stop insisting on getting their own way, right?
13:37
SPEAKER_02: And what he's encouraging them is uh to encourage each other in their own faith.
13:42
SPEAKER_02: And so sometimes I think we get petty and nitpicking.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: Ooh, you want to talk about that for a minute?
13:50
SPEAKER_02: How what how big is the temptation sometimes when we're frustrated, especially over petty things, to begin to start nitpicking?
13:58
SPEAKER_02: Because what happens in nitpicking is we we not only deal with the one thing, but we start to include other things.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, then isn't that part of the score keeping?
14:08
SPEAKER_02: Scorekeeping.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: You man, you are good today.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: You're full of all of these things.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: You've been holding on to some stuff that obviously you haven't been able to release, probably because you haven't spoken to your spouse about it.
14:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: And so these things little things keep coming up perfect from the past, which obviously have been buried because you didn't take care of it.
14:36
SPEAKER_02: I like it.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: And taking care of it doesn't mean sweeping it under the rug.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Taking care of it is saying, hey, I have to have a discussion with you because this has been bothering me and I can't seem to let it go.
14:50
SPEAKER_02: And that's oh, I think that's great the way you just you just stated it.
14:54
SPEAKER_02: In other words, you took ownership of who you were and what you were feeling instead of instead of in that moment blaming the other person.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: You're saying, I I for some reason I can't let it go.
15:06
SPEAKER_02: And I'm admitting that.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: That's really good.
15:09
SPEAKER_02: That's good.
15:10
SPEAKER_02: I think I'm sorry.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm struggling with this.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm struggling instead of you're you're just not considerate, you're just being a butthead.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: I said it.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you have said it many times.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: I used to say it a lot early on in our marriage, but then we learned not to name-call each other.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Right, because that's a form of dishonor.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: So dismissing is a form of devalue.
15:37
SPEAKER_02: Name-calling is a form of dishonor.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I quit calling you that.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes the emotions are still there.
15:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: I just don't say that.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: So devalue, disrespect, dishonor are never allowed in marriage.
15:52
SPEAKER_02: And what happens over the petty things?
15:54
SPEAKER_02: Pay attention to those moments in your marriage.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: You quit saying petty things, because I'm thinking if someone's listening right now, they're going, but that's not petty what I'm struggling with.
16:05
SPEAKER_02: And that's perspective again.
16:07
SPEAKER_02: But that's the point.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're talking about the little things, not the big things.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're not talking about infidelity.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: No.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're not talking about misbehavior, we're not talking about willful sin.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay, we're talking about the little things that I think oftentimes the dishes, the laundry separate hearts.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: You you walk right past me and didn't speak to me.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that's why I'm using the word petty, I think.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: I'm not trying to clarify that.
16:33
SPEAKER_02: I'm not trying to minimize where people feel.
16:36
SPEAKER_02: What I'm trying to do is say, let's put it in into right perspective in the grand scheme of everything.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: I just didn't want someone to shut you off.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: I get it.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: And I I think that's good.
16:46
SPEAKER_02: I think that's good because we we're not trying to devout or dismiss, devalue what you feel.
16:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh what we're trying to say is we want you to really gauge where you're at.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: And I think you put it properly when you said, hey, I need to talk about this because for some reason I can't let it go.
17:06
SPEAKER_02: And and what you did is you didn't you didn't put me on the defensive right away by blaming me for the thing that you're struggling with.
17:16
SPEAKER_02: And that still might be my fault.
17:17
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time it is.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: It still might be, and that's a that's a truth, okay?
17:24
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but the way when you put it that way, instantly what you do is you endear someone's heart to you to listen and hear versus put them on the defense right away when they because defensivism shuts your ears down, closes your heart.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, and it naturally brings your fists up in defense.
17:43
SPEAKER_02: Ooh, you should write that down.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: It does.
17:46
SPEAKER_00: It does.
17:47
SPEAKER_02: Now you're willing to fight.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Now you now I'm gonna fight because you just said I'm to blame for something.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: And again, over these little nitpicking things that I think oftentimes rob us of the peace of marriage that God wants us to have.
18:01
SPEAKER_02: And I and I think that that's a great thing.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: I think we need to remember that God has called us to um to encourage and build up each other.
18:11
SPEAKER_02: He has never called us as married people to transform each other.
18:17
SPEAKER_02: It's God's job to transform people, it's our job to tr to encourage and build up.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: I think most of the time when people read those verses about edifying and encouraging, they think about the body of Christ.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: They think about uh their friends, they think about church, but we don't think about our spouses.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: But our first ministry is to our family.
18:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, the people that you live with, it's your children, it's your husband, you know, it's your wife.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: We're that is our first place.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: It's not just the people you go to church with or work with, but it's easier to be those things and do those things for other people you don't live with every day.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Because those people don't get under your skin like the people you live with every day.
19:14
SPEAKER_02: And familiarity brings that that that statement that says familiarity brings contentment sometimes, right?
19:20
SPEAKER_02: Or d uh not contentment, um uh I know discontentment.
19:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it can it can really cause us to be numb and less sensitive to the ones we should be the most sensitive to and the most caring to.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: And I think I don't know why that's a natural thing that happens in these little things, and I know you don't like the word petty, but in these little bitty petty things, okay?
19:47
SPEAKER_02: It does, it does cause us to be super dismissive and go, it's not a big deal, get over it.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
19:53
SPEAKER_02: How many times have you told your spouse to get over it and that actually worked?
19:58
SPEAKER_02: Never.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's ever worked for you.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: Not for me.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: I I've never If anything, that is like Yeah.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: See again, I love that phrase that you put.
20:10
SPEAKER_02: You it brings your fists up.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm excited.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna defend myself.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm gonna get over something all right.
20:14
unknown: Yeah.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna show you.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: And I I think Paul's words here are very, very important to us uh as married people.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: And that's why I wanted to talk about this today about the idea of being being a builder.
20:29
SPEAKER_02: That's why he says, let us make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.
20:35
SPEAKER_02: And so in those moments where you're thinking something is a huge deal that your spouse doesn't think is a huge deal, that's the time when you think, okay, how am I how can I begin to speak?
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and you did it so perfectly just a few minutes ago about uh peace and mutual edification.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: And that doesn't mean you don't need to talk about it.
20:54
SPEAKER_02: As a matter of fact, who's not willing to talk about it when you come and say it the way you said it?
20:58
SPEAKER_02: Right?
20:59
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm struggling to get over it.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: It tells me right away you want to get over it.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Five to one when I start complimenting you and giving you all the things.
21:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know I know the one is coming.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you look at me and go, Here we go.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: I can tell.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you shut off the TV, you start making eye contact with me because you know that it's something I've been working on.
21:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:20
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I'm I don't know where your mind goes if it's like, when did I do it?
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Was it this?
21:26
SPEAKER_00: Was it that?
21:27
SPEAKER_00: I have no clue.
21:28
SPEAKER_02: You have no clue, but here it comes.
21:29
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, though, it's necessary.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:32
SPEAKER_02: Uh, because like again, peace and mutual.
21:35
SPEAKER_02: If we hold on to things, it builds up.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: So, what do I do in that moment is even though I know, okay, the one thing's coming that I'm probably not gonna like, I still let you get through the five positives because I know you've worked on it to get there.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: I think in the beginning, at first you'd go, Okay, what I do.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just like that you could skip all that.
21:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, and not anymore because I realize that what you're trying to do is bring You're trying to work on your own heart.
22:02
SPEAKER_02: You're trying not to raise your fists and to keep them down.
22:05
SPEAKER_02: And you're trying to phrase what you want to say in such a way that brings peace and mutual.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to be depressed.
22:12
SPEAKER_02: So this is a great conversation, and I realize that it's probably not as cut and dry as we would like it to be.
22:19
SPEAKER_02: You know?
22:20
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I think that uh there are some things that can cause us to pause and think for a minute, how hard am I working personally to bring peace and mutual edification?
22:33
SPEAKER_02: And if what I'm doing at this moment isn't doing that, I'm actually working against us instead of for us.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: I know that some I've spoken to some wives before that says they feel like they're the ones that are not doing all the work, but like giving in.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: They they call it giving in.
22:53
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
22:53
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
22:55
SPEAKER_02: For the sake of not arguing.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: And that's not what that's not what we're saying either.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: No.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: It's not about giving in, but learning to express yourself in a way that your spouse can receive it.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: And again, I hope you'll put this on, repeat, and listen to the way Lisa put it.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: So and that was just natural.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: Like I like I told you before, we she has no idea what I'm gonna talk about every week.
23:16
SPEAKER_02: So, but so it's just very natural and the stupid things.
23:20
SPEAKER_02: No, but it I think that's why it's so relevant because it's just real, it's not scripted for you, and that's not what we want Wedding Wednesday to be, is scripted devotion.
23:30
SPEAKER_02: You can do that on your own.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: You you can do that on your own.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: You can go and do a scripted devotion.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: We want to do something that's a little bit different.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: We want to take a point and just talk through it.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Organic.
23:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so uh again, what Lisa did was so beautiful.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: Hey, I'm struggling to get over it.
23:47
SPEAKER_02: And there's no blame, there's owning where you're at, but at the same time expressing I need to deal with it.
23:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and uh there you go.
23:56
SPEAKER_02: Peace and mutual edification.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: I need you to be a part of what's going on here.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: Right.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's really, really powerful.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: Good job.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
24:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm so impressed by you.
24:09
SPEAKER_02: Good job for you, I'm always impressed by you.
24:12
SPEAKER_02: There you go, if you don't know, if you don't know, this is not Lisa's natural thing to be behind the mic.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Nobody can tell.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: To be behind the mic or in front of the cameras or or to speak publicly.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: She does very well when she does it, but it's just not her preferred natural spot.
24:28
SPEAKER_02: But I'm I'm so impressed by you.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: That was good.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Gee, thanks.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: You're welcome.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: Uh thank you.
24:33
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I think that uh today's been a blessing uh for us, and I hope it's been a blessing for you.
24:38
SPEAKER_02: Do us a favor if you're listening to this uh podcast by yourself, um, why don't you find a time when you and your spouse can just sit down and listen to it together?
24:48
SPEAKER_02: And I and I think it's gonna be transformative, just little bitty stuff, you know, we're just trying to be real and honest.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: Um it's not stuff that we have to gone through.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: Or go through.
24:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:00
SPEAKER_02: And I think it's gonna be super helpful.
25:02
SPEAKER_02: Do us a favor though, you can also, right there in the show notes on the podcast, you can send us a text.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, it says text the show.
25:09
SPEAKER_02: You can do that.
25:10
SPEAKER_02: We would like to hear if there's a particular subject that you'd like us to talk about on Wedding Wednesday.
25:16
SPEAKER_02: That would be that would be awesome.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: And you you can only do that by sending us a text.
25:21
SPEAKER_02: You can it comes right to me, it's not somebody else or those type of things.
25:25
SPEAKER_02: We'll get the message, and I promise you we'll work on it.
25:28
SPEAKER_02: It'll be real good.
25:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh, so thanks for being here today.
25:31
SPEAKER_02: Hey, why don't we do this?
25:32
SPEAKER_02: Let's pray for them.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: All right, all right, come on, pray with us, Lord.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: We want to work on building each other up.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: Or we want to live with peace, ruling in our marriages and our homes.
25:44
SPEAKER_02: And so, God, we pray you give us grace to overlook any faults, to help us make uh each other uh into uh something that you've called us to be together and help make us builders in our marriages instead of discouragers.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Lord, for our spouses, Father God.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: I just thank you that you've uh brought these couples together and Lord that you plan to use them for your glory and honor.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: And the way that they treat each other speaks volumes to the world.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: And I pray right now, Father God, that you teach each and every one of us how to encourage and edify one another, not just our friends or church family, but our own families that you have entrusted us with, the spouses that you have given us, Lord.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: Help us to edify and encourage one another, Lord, in Jesus' name.
26:36
SPEAKER_02: Amen.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: Hey, thanks for being here today.
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Guess what?
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh, we are going to be in Florida next week.
26:43
SPEAKER_02: So uh this week we tried this.
26:45
SPEAKER_02: Next week, if we do it, uh and I think we can.
26:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh, it'll probably have to be on our phone in some other location, but that'll be alright.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, we're gonna be a schedule for the week.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we'll be out of the studio.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna be in Florida ministering at one of uh a church that is uh super good friends of us.
27:03
SPEAKER_02: We've been friends of that church for a long time, and so we're gonna be down there on Sunday uh uh sharing all day long at the church, and then uh take a couple of days just to rest and relax while we're in Florida, and uh so uh we're hoping to come to you live down there as well.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: So uh look forward to that.
27:22
SPEAKER_02: Until then, we love you.
27:24
SPEAKER_02: We're excited that you're here.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: Yep, thank you for being here today, and we will see you all next week.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: God bless.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: Bye, have a great day.