Latest / Women of Color An Intimate Conversation / The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word

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The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word · Women of Color An Intimate Conversation

0:02
Welcome to another episode of Women of Color
0:05
in Intimate Conversation. Today is actually
0:08
our last episode of the year, so I'm excited
0:12
to have a repeat guest. Victoria, welcome
0:16
back. I'm really grateful we're here together
0:18
again. So excited to share with everyone
0:22
who's watching or listening what you're up
0:24
to. And also to talk a little bit about the
0:26
Dream Lifestyle Collective, which is a space
0:29
I created for Black women 50 and up and,
0:32
you know, just some of the things that you're
0:33
doing within that space. So before we jump
0:36
into things, tell the people who are just
0:40
meeting you for the first time, share a little
0:42
bit about your journey that led you into
0:45
your work and how the name The Heart Healer
0:48
came to reflect, not just what you do, but
0:51
who you are.
0:52
Oh, what a great question. Usually people
0:55
will ask, thank you for having me, first
0:56
of all. Usually people will ask me, why are
0:59
you The Heart Healer? I love the last part
1:01
of that. When I was a young child, I grew
1:06
up in a loving family. I was the youngest
1:09
of six children, even though I didn't feel
1:11
like I was so much loved. When you're the
1:14
baby, everybody's like, oh, get out of here,
1:16
go away, go away. And I remember when I was
1:19
about two years old, I was in my parents
1:23
room and they had sent me to my brother's
1:25
room who told me to get out and they sent
1:27
me to my sister's room. They told me to get
1:30
out. Now, here's the thing. We only had three
1:32
bedrooms, six kids, two adults. So baby Victoria
1:35
did not have her own room, her own crib,
1:37
nothing that was mine as a child. And when
1:42
my parents told me to leave their room and
1:44
my brothers and my sisters told me to leave
1:47
their room, Imagine a toddler, a two-year-old
1:51
still in diapers. At that moment, I felt
1:55
nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. And I
1:58
was just a baby. And I remember sitting by
2:01
my parents' door, knees to chest, with no
2:05
place to go. And That little girl sat by
2:10
her parents' door for over 50 years. How
2:13
did she sit by her parents' door? I call
2:16
that the hallway experience. That's it in
2:19
between where you are and where God's leading
2:22
you to go. And that little girl sat by that
2:26
door in relationships that were non-committal,
2:29
who would want me anyway. I would become
2:34
a very, very high achiever, because I thought,
2:36
man, if I was just good enough, if I just
2:39
had enough, they would see me, they would
2:42
love me, not knowing that they always saw
2:45
me and they always loved me. But that little
2:46
two-year-old brain stayed with me. And that
2:50
put me in and out of depression for most
2:53
of my life. And I remember in 2017, sitting
2:56
by my bed, not caring if I was going to wake
2:59
up the next day.
3:00
Oh, wow.
3:02
I had a bottle of pills and a depressant
3:05
again and I get ready to take the medicine
3:09
and I hear a voice just like you and I speaking
3:12
that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose
3:16
and this is not it. And I got up and I threw
3:20
those pills away and I knew I had a heart
3:23
issue. And so I got busy and I started to
3:28
seek my own healing. And you know how they
3:31
say when the student is ready, the teacher
3:33
will appear. I came across this famous hypnotherapist
3:38
online and I did one of her sessions. It
3:42
just changed my life. And I thought, wow,
3:44
there's got to be a lot of women out there
3:46
who are high achievers, who wear a mask,
3:49
who never put their oxygen mask on first.
3:52
There's so many of us. And it feels like
3:55
the older we get, the more we do it. Right.
3:59
And so I knew I had a heart condition. And
4:03
so I was given the word and I call it God.
4:08
You call it whatever you want to call it.
4:10
That said, You now have the purpose. Your
4:14
purpose mission is to heal the world one
4:16
heart at a time. And that's how I became
4:18
the heart healer.
4:19
I love that. I absolutely do. And like what
4:22
you said, so many of us have experienced
4:24
that in some form, right? Or another, right?
4:27
not feeling seen for whatever reason. And
4:30
that's something that just comes up a lot,
4:32
especially lately, being seen. Like for me
4:35
personally, when someone sees me, I'm like,
4:37
thank you so much. I really appreciate that
4:40
because it means a lot to me. We're in this
4:43
world, we're surrounded by so many people
4:45
doing things, And we don't always feel seen.
4:48
And so when a person takes the time to see
4:50
us, to acknowledge that, that means a lot.
4:53
So let me ask you, you talked about being
4:56
a two year old, being a little girl, baby,
4:59
and not feeling love, not feeling like you
5:02
belong anywhere, right? Because you were
5:04
in a home with a, you know, a large family.
5:07
So when you think about it today, as you
5:09
think about it from your healed heart, What
5:14
would you tell yourself? What would you tell
5:16
that little girl sitting on the floor with
5:18
her knees to her chest?
5:20
It's interesting that you ask that question
5:22
as well. I have to say, I love your questions.
5:25
And because part of my work is as inner child
5:27
healing, and I help women especially overcome
5:32
childhood trauma and PTSD. And part of my
5:36
practice is what we call regression work,
5:39
where we actually go back to that little
5:40
girl, or that moment in time, where you felt
5:45
the most in love that, that charted the direction
5:50
of your life. So what I needed that little
5:55
girl to know was that she was loved, and
5:58
she was seen. And it's just that she was
6:01
the baby and her brothers and sisters and
6:04
her parents were just doing what they were
6:06
doing. It didn't mean they didn't love her.
6:09
And then what ended up happening was I really
6:11
still felt there was something missing. I
6:12
didn't know what it was. So then I actually
6:14
hired a hypnotherapist who did the regression
6:17
with me, who took me back to that little
6:20
girl. and you know mentally my subconscious
6:23
and I was able to see her there and what
6:25
happened the thing I did not remember was
6:28
my father had come out of the room he saw
6:31
me there he picked me up and I remembered
6:34
what he was wearing everything and he picked
6:36
me up and he started pacing up and down the
6:38
hallway with me he didn't even know I was
6:40
there And I just, it was just this feeling
6:44
of, they did see me, they didn't mean to
6:47
leave me. And this is not to diminish anyone
6:50
who, you know, feels the way that they feel,
6:53
but to be able to go back and know that that
6:56
little girl was loved. And when I worked
6:58
with my clients, it's the same thing. We
7:01
go back, we go to that moment and they speak
7:04
to that child that says, you are loved, you
7:07
are seen, you are enough.
7:10
Yes, I love that. And so two things come
7:12
up for me. One, I feel that when we have
7:16
these experiences, that it's for our future
7:20
self to do the work that we end up doing.
7:23
Absolutely.
7:24
Yeah. Right. And the other thing is, so I'm
7:27
here. And so I do have some tears in my eyes
7:30
because it reminds me of just a few weeks
7:32
ago when I was talking to my younger self
7:35
and I was telling her, you know what? it's
7:37
okay to allow love in. And so that's the
7:40
journey that I'm on. I'm opening myself up
7:43
to a love, to my love, to that relationship.
7:46
And so it is. It's a journey, it's practice
7:50
because it's not something that I'm used
7:52
to being open for whatever reason, right?
7:55
But I'm there now and I told her, I said,
7:58
you know, and I hugged her and all of those
8:00
things. So what you're saying, the regression,
8:02
those are things that I was experiencing
8:04
and dealing with myself. And again, those
8:06
who are watching or listening, it's okay.
8:09
You know what you went through, you went
8:12
through for a reason and now it's time to
8:15
reach back and let yourself know that you
8:18
were loved, that you were seen, and that
8:21
you see yourself and you love yourself and
8:23
move forward.
8:25
Yes. And that's one thing you said is it's
8:28
seeking, it's understanding that validation
8:30
and love comes from the inside out.
8:32
Yeah.
8:33
The achievement, the men, all of that was
8:37
looking for that outside validation. And
8:40
once I was able to realize my worth, just
8:43
because I'm a creation of the most high or
8:46
whatever you believe in, that in and of itself
8:51
makes you worthy. The fact that you're living,
8:54
breathing,
8:55
human being makes you worthy if nothing else
8:59
in the world does right absolutely just quick
9:03
i'm just curious what is your love language
9:05
if you know your love language what what
9:07
is your number one oh this is
9:12
I'm laughing because, you know, there's a
9:13
little controversy on whether or not both
9:15
languages truly exist, but I would say mine
9:20
would definitely be words of affection. Mine
9:23
too! And physical touch.
9:25
Yeah, number one for me is words of affirmation,
9:28
and I think Affirmation. I'm feeling like
9:32
gifts are number two, but I don't remember.
9:34
But number one, hands down, words of affirmation.
9:37
And I ask that because I'm wondering, because
9:39
again, going back to being seen, and when
9:42
people are like, oh, I see you in different
9:44
things of that, does that, you know, because
9:47
of it being your words of affirmation, I
9:50
feel that that has something to do with it.
9:52
But just was curious. So thinking about the
9:57
work that you do and thinking about, again,
10:00
your personal experiences, I know has made
10:03
you dynamic at what it is that you do. But
10:07
talk to us a little bit more about that work
10:10
and how you're helping them to lead, choose
10:13
themselves, and move forward with clarity.
10:16
I have to do this, but I will answer that
10:18
question. But do you notice our walls are
10:20
the same color?
10:24
Green? Is it green? Because it's green.
10:27
You know how it is. No, it's almost the same.
10:30
It's a shade off of green. See, this is when
10:34
you know. Those who are watching, this is
10:36
when you know you find a sister. OK.
10:39
Look, we already talked about, you know,
10:40
we were looking pale. And so that was part
10:42
of the reason why I put glasses on. And we
10:45
have the, you know, the silver. That's right.
10:49
That's right.
10:51
Now you have to ask a question again. I know,
10:55
I know. And so for those who are not watching,
10:57
you're missing out. So make sure that you
10:59
also jump on YouTube and check us out. So,
11:04
so, you know, your, your experience and what
11:06
you've gone through and you know, when this
11:07
is coming from your heart, this is coming
11:09
from something that you experienced. Tell
11:11
us a little bit more about how you're helping
11:14
your clients, patients, those who come to
11:18
see you, how you're helping them lead, choose
11:20
themselves and move forward with clarity.
11:23
Yes. Well, first, you have to be radically
11:29
honest. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge.
11:35
I'll say that again. You cannot heal what
11:37
you do not acknowledge. When people come
11:41
to me, I believe the most important thing
11:45
that I do for them is I hold a safe space,
11:50
a space where they're able to express themselves,
11:53
a nonjudgmental space. And we start with
11:58
that, that peace, that calm that says you
12:01
are safe here. Because many of my patients,
12:05
not patients, I'm sorry, many of my clients
12:06
come to me, they have physical ailments because
12:10
they've held so much in for so long, it shows
12:14
up in their bodies and anxiety and depression
12:17
and insomnia and so many different ways.
12:20
So just allowing them to breathe. And then
12:26
another thing that's real important once
12:28
you acknowledge it I allow them to forgive
12:33
themselves. Because healing begins with self-forgiveness.
12:41
Because when we're in trauma, we tend to
12:44
blame ourselves for everything. Doesn't matter
12:47
who did it. We find ourselves saying I'm
12:49
sorry all the time, we find ourselves shrinking
12:52
all the time, and that comes to something
12:55
else. You are allowed to be bold and brave.
13:00
You are allowed to do that in this space,
13:03
because this space is orchestrated just for
13:06
you. And then because I'm an intuitive, I
13:09
can often pick up on things that you're not
13:14
saying. So I have to say, I hear what you're
13:17
not saying and I see what you're not showing.
13:20
And so when people come to me, it's usually
13:23
because of confidence, anxiety, lack of worth,
13:29
which is a little different than confidence.
13:31
One is kind of your ability, right? And one's
13:33
how you feel about yourself and overwhelm.
13:37
you know, trying to understand that it's
13:39
okay to say not today, and teaching them
13:42
and working through that. But one of the
13:44
things that I do that I'm really, really
13:47
good at, amongst other things, is I get to
13:52
the root cause. I get, because we all have
13:56
these smoke and mirrors, right? And we all,
13:59
and I'll just sit patiently and I'll just
14:00
listen. And then I said, okay, now you got
14:03
that out. Let's talk about what's really
14:06
happening with you. And then getting to that
14:08
root cause and being able to start there
14:12
and healed forward. You had mentioned something
14:15
about me being healed. We are never healed.
14:17
We're always healing process. Yes, we're
14:20
always healers need healers. Coaches need
14:23
coaches. It's always a process, right? And.
14:28
awareness, that self awareness, be aware.
14:31
So if you're feeling triggered about something,
14:34
ask yourself, why am I reacting this way?
14:37
What's what's going on with me? And just
14:40
being that awareness and having conversations
14:43
we talked about earlier, have conversation
14:46
with that inner child. Because that inner
14:48
child is looking to be free. They want freedom.
14:52
And only you can give them that.
14:56
So you mentioned a couple of things, right,
14:58
that kind of ties into this question. But
15:01
I'm going to ask it anyway. So when your
15:04
clients are working with you, they're at
15:07
this point in their lives, what are they
15:09
most often carrying, whether emotionally
15:11
or quietly, that they may not have the words
15:14
for? And you mentioned confidence. Guilt.
15:16
Guilt. Guilt. OK. Guilt and shame. OK.
15:19
Guilt and shame. Tell us more. A lot of times
15:27
when you're walking with trauma, hurt, and
15:30
pain, you tend to blame yourself for everything.
15:34
Well, maybe my father wouldn't have drank
15:36
as much if I was a better child. Maybe my
15:39
mother wouldn't be so mean if I wasn't such
15:45
a bad baby. And so there's this guilt that
15:49
you're carrying with you. And you know you
15:52
shouldn't, but you still do. And that guilt
15:56
also, you're ashamed. So what do you do?
16:00
Because this is what you feel, you bring
16:04
that into your world and your relationships.
16:07
Even in your professional life, you will
16:09
usually pick a position where you're sometimes
16:14
belittled, where you're overworked, where
16:15
you're overwhelmed because you're still trying
16:18
to get over that guilt and shame.
16:26
You had some things that I want to bring
16:30
together because, again, the podcast is to
16:32
empower women. And so in order to empower,
16:35
we have to give some tools, some action items,
16:37
or just call some things out. So some of
16:39
the things that are coming to mind for me
16:42
at this part of the conversation is that
16:44
you have to be ready. You have to call it
16:50
out. Acknowledge it, be aware of it and ask
16:54
for help. And as you said, coaches have coaches
16:58
and and so on and so forth. So like for me,
17:02
I was finally ready. Like I want a relationship.
17:04
I've wanted a relationship, but I wasn't
17:06
doing anything about it. It was like I want
17:08
it. You know, it was just hoping the universe
17:10
would, you know, conspire and it hadn't.
17:13
And so I'm like, you know what? I'm at a
17:15
point where I need help. And so I did. you
17:18
know, seek help, and I am working with a
17:20
relationship counselor. And that's something
17:22
that we have to do. If you continue, like,
17:24
keep throwing something at the wall and it's
17:26
not sticking, et cetera, you need help. And
17:29
so, and it's okay, like, you know, there's
17:32
no need to be guilty about it or shameful
17:34
about it. Go ahead and get that help that
17:37
you need to make your life better.
17:40
Yes. One tip that I would give anyone right
17:44
now listening to the sound of my voice, sit
17:47
still, get quiet, take a few really cleansing
17:51
breaths in and out, and you can do something
17:54
called a chair exercise. And that's where
17:56
you're sitting and you're looking at that
17:59
little five-year-old. What would you say
18:01
to that five-year-old? Speak it, speak to
18:05
that five-year-old. And then you go up and
18:09
you go to that preteen. What would you say
18:12
to her or him? And then from there you go
18:14
to that teenager that maybe had a broken
18:16
heart, maybe is feeling lonely, maybe is
18:19
feeling afraid, because those are scary years.
18:22
What would you say? And how about that young
18:24
adult? What would you say to her? And if
18:28
you, anyone can do that. And I can tell you
18:32
that exercise right there may not solve everything,
18:36
but it is freeing because it's a way to get
18:40
it out.
18:41
and just the breath alone, right? Just the
18:43
breathing. When we intentionally stop to
18:46
breathe, oh my God, it feels, because I was
18:48
doing it while you were talking. I'm like,
18:50
oh yes. You know, and it just brings you
18:52
back, right? Because we're constantly moving
18:54
through life and we don't take the time to
18:56
intentionally breathe. We're breathing because
18:59
as we're alive, we're breathing, but we're
19:01
not always intentionally breathing and that
19:03
does make a difference. So that along with
19:06
speaking to different stages of your life
19:10
imagine you know I can imagine how powerful
19:12
that is so you're in a different season now,
19:16
how would you describe the work you're doing
19:17
in this season and the kind of transformation
19:21
women experience when they allow allow themselves
19:24
to fully engage.
19:27
The season I'm in, I am living my best life
19:30
right now. I am living my best life. For
19:33
those who know me, they don't ask, Victoria,
19:36
how are you doing? They're like, where are
19:37
you now? I am up and gone. I am liable to
19:41
be anywhere in the world. I am really in
19:46
a season where I've worked really hard to
19:51
get here. I'm able to live anywhere, do anything.
19:55
I own Avalon Executive Assistance, and that's
19:58
a marketing and branding company. We'll take
20:00
you and get your vision out there. We'll
20:03
let your voice be heard, because that's what
20:05
it's about, getting the voices out there,
20:07
getting your vision out to the world. And
20:09
then we make you visible, so that the world
20:12
know you exist. That's what we do at my company,
20:15
Avalon Executive Assistance. And right now,
20:18
and that's assistants, A-N-T-S, And the season
20:23
I'm in now is really one of reaching back.
20:28
Reaching back and bringing others along the
20:32
way. Whether I do that with speaking or whether
20:35
I'll do that in podcasts or circles or however
20:38
I can. And then of course I have the work
20:41
that I do in inner child healing and trauma
20:44
recovery. But yeah, girl, I'm living my life
20:47
right now. I'm single. And I'm okay with
20:50
that. Yeah, I'm okay with being single. You
20:54
know, if he comes out of the sky, or however
20:56
he gets to me, I'm open to it. But it's not
20:59
something that I'm pushing because I am very,
21:03
very happy right now.
21:05
I love that. And so again, those that are
21:07
watching or listening, it's okay to be single.
21:09
It's okay to also, you know, want, um, and
21:13
call in that love. So whatever you want,
21:16
whatever stage you're in in your life, you
21:17
know, that's beautiful. And so when we were
21:19
talking before we said how, yes, when people
21:22
like reach out to us, like, where are you
21:23
at? They know to ask that because we both
21:26
share that a love of travel. And as a matter
21:28
of fact, I was headed to New York tomorrow.
21:30
But I think I'm not because it's been snowing
21:33
here in Detroit, and I don't even want to
21:35
have to deal with all that because the flight
21:37
is at 7 in the morning. So I probably won't
21:40
go, but you know that there will be a flight
21:44
soon. So now, when we talked before, did
21:49
you tell me something about singing?
21:51
Did you mention something about singing?
21:54
Oh, yes. I am a healing artist. I have songs
21:58
that I wrote, lyrics that I wrote, and they
22:04
are anthems, powerful anthems for women who've
22:08
ever been through anything. I have one song
22:11
called Crush, and every time I play it for
22:13
a woman, because it goes back, and one of
22:14
the lines in the song is, I love the man
22:20
I had. I love the man I thought I had, but
22:24
not the one I really had. So you know how
22:27
when we're in love, we see like through all
22:29
these covers, you know? And the exact verse
22:34
is, I love the man I thought I had, but not
22:37
the man I had. It's called Crushed, seven
22:40
years of tips and tricks. So basically, I
22:43
put up with an alcoholic for seven years.
22:45
That's just where I was in life. And that's
22:48
where we find ourselves. But at the end,
22:50
it says, I'm free. Crushed, not broken. And
22:53
so I write songs. The record label is So
22:58
Fire Studio Sanctuary. All my songs will
23:02
be available on Apple and podcasts, and you
23:05
will see them soon.
23:07
Awesome, and yeah, well, definitely have
23:09
that in the show notes. And so what you just
23:12
said, I want to kind of go back to that.
23:15
What you said is, it's where you were in
23:17
life. And I want to raise that as in when
23:20
we're dealing with stuff, it's not the other
23:23
person, it's us. It's where we are in life.
23:28
It's what we feel that we deserve, what we
23:30
feel that we can handle at that particular
23:33
time.
23:35
Is that fully agree with that? You know,
23:39
we all know the old saying is when we know
23:41
better, we do better. But sometimes, but
23:43
sometimes as women, we know better and still
23:46
don't do better. Yeah. Right. Right. Because
23:49
you know, I had mentioned before how I was
23:51
seeking outside validation. I didn't think
23:53
I was good enough. I felt I got what I deserved.
23:56
Yeah.
23:56
Yeah. You know, it was the healing process
23:58
that I, you know, I was like, Whoa, wait
24:00
a minute. I'm worth more than this. Yeah.
24:04
So that's a fine, that's kind of a fine line.
24:06
And I want to raise that up for the person
24:08
who may say, but wait a minute, didn't you
24:10
just say a little while ago that, you know,
24:12
it wasn't your fault that blah, blah, blah.
24:14
So how do we kind of like, how do we speak
24:17
to that? Right. That let's just say today
24:20
as adults, whatnot, we, you know, we're in
24:22
relationships or we're in things that we
24:25
kind of put ourself in. Right. And then also
24:28
certain things were not our fault. So how
24:30
do we, you know, balance that? Well, we were
24:32
talking about two different issues, okay?
24:35
We were talking about the child blaming themselves
24:40
for the alcoholic parent or the immature
24:42
parent. We were talking about, even if you're
24:47
in, how do I, I gotta be real careful I'm
24:52
gonna phrase this. Some people see women
24:58
in abusive relationship and men in abusive
25:01
relationships. And they're like, just get
25:03
out, just get out. There's so many dynamics
25:08
around that. And I don't believe in blaming
25:14
the victim. You know what I mean? And there's
25:17
a lot of reasons. It takes a lot of healing,
25:21
a lot of support a lot of shifting to be
25:26
able to really say, hey, this isn't working
25:30
for me. I got to get out of here. And everyone's
25:34
not at a place that they can do that. Right.
25:38
And so I don't want to blame anyone that's
25:40
in a situation, even if they know it's not
25:43
good for them. But what I would like to do
25:45
is encourage you to seek help to get out.
25:53
So that's how I reconcile that. No, and I
25:56
appreciate that, right? Because we are talking
25:58
about different things. And I just wanted
25:59
that to be clear since we're here. All right.
26:02
So I want to shift now. So I mentioned earlier
26:05
how I started a community for Black women
25:53
50 and above. It's the Dream Lifestyle Collective.
26:12
And it's community for us. It's our space.
26:15
You talked about safe spaces. It's a safe
26:18
space for us. It's a way for us to come together.
26:20
to build together a collective for us to
26:23
share and learn from one another and to build
26:26
up one another. So what does it mean to you
26:29
to be in a space like this at the stage of
26:32
your life that you're in, not as the healer
26:35
holding space, but as a woman being held
26:39
in community?
26:40
I tell you what, there is something so powerful
26:44
about community. So, so powerful. I'm sorry,
26:49
powerful about community. One thing too,
26:54
when you get to a certain space, you understand
26:58
that it's not me, me, me. I don't need to
27:05
be a star. I want to be in the community.
27:09
Where we're all coming together collectively,
27:12
because I do believe together we rise. And
27:16
that's why I think collectives are so important
27:19
and to find like minded women that we can
27:24
hold space for each other. you know, picking
27:27
up the phone, you and I, you know, just chit
27:30
chatting. And it is so uplifting. So the
27:33
work that you're doing in the collective,
27:35
I applaud it. I'm in. I'm in. I love it.
27:41
I love it.
27:42
I love it. I'm in. So now we're going to
27:44
shift back to put your Hillen hat back on.
27:47
So from your perspective, what happens in
27:50
a woman's nervous system when she's finally
27:53
in a space where she doesn't have to explain
27:55
herself or perform strength?
28:01
She finds joy. When we're able to release
28:07
the negative emotions, the lower emotions,
28:10
betrayal, anger, anxiety, when we're able,
28:15
and I'm not talking about clinical anxiety
28:18
here. When we're able to release those things,
28:22
We can breathe. What happens? The cortisol
28:25
levels go down. Our dopamine goes up. We
28:28
become happier. We sleep better. A lot of
28:31
the things that used to bother us no longer,
28:34
like a lot of us, some people hold tension
28:37
in their chest and their shoulders are always
28:39
hurting. Some people, their neck is always
28:41
hurting. Some people, if you have, I worked
28:44
with a woman who had Lyme disease and it
28:47
was just wrecking her body until we started
28:49
working and she was able to, kind of release
28:52
that energy. And now she doesn't have the
28:55
flare up she was having. So once you can
28:58
find peace, your body goes right along with
29:02
it.
29:05
Yeah. And you know what? That's interesting
29:06
because I recently went to the dentist and
29:10
they're like, do you grind your teeth? Or
29:11
like you are grinding your teeth or whatever.
29:13
But what I've noticed since then is that
29:15
I do, I clench my teeth and I'm not quite
29:19
sure what that's about just yet. I don't
29:22
feel that I'm stressed. I do feel like, you
29:25
know, I am living my dream life. I'm loving
29:27
life, but you know, I'm going to have to
29:29
get to the root of what's causing me to do
29:32
that. But yeah, as you were talking, so there
29:35
are some physical things that are, that happen
29:37
in our lives that are like kind of cues and
29:40
letting you know, okay, maybe look at that
29:42
a little bit closer as to what could possibly
29:45
be triggering or causing you to do certain
29:48
things. So yes, it's physical, right? some
29:52
stress, whatever, when it manifests physically,
29:55
it's time, it's really time to go ahead and
29:58
take notice and do something about that.
30:00
Yeah, so we're all different. For me, it's
30:02
my stomach. If my stomach, I know something's
30:04
going on up here and I gotta face it.
30:07
Yeah, yeah. OK, so I want to zoom out for
30:11
a moment. Do you believe there's a chapter
30:14
of a woman's life, especially after years
30:16
of caregiving, leadership, or survival, that
30:20
society hasn't fully named or honored yet?
30:24
And if so, how would you describe that chapter?
30:28
Absolutely. I will describe that chapter
30:31
as her time. It's her time. It's her time
30:34
to be whom she wants to be, to honor herself.
30:38
It's up to her how she wants to live that
30:41
life. Again, let's go back to where our validation
30:44
comes from. Society tells us one thing, but
30:49
what do we feel about ourselves? That's what
30:51
really matters. And I'm not talking arrogance.
30:53
I'm not talking ego here. I'm talking your
30:56
validation comes from you. Doesn't matter.
31:00
Society is always gonna be society. They're
31:02
always gonna say, you know, finally we embrace
31:05
our gray. Think about it, 10 years ago, we
31:08
weren't embracing gray. Right, no. Right,
31:11
we were dying and we were talking and we
31:13
were talking. We were doing everything. So,
31:20
after the caregiving, you know, somebody
31:22
asked me so I say no my kids are grown I'm
31:24
gone. Right. If that's when we can fully
31:28
step into our own. Yes, that's when we can
31:31
slow down. And then sometimes though, when
31:36
we get there, we're a little lost because
31:39
we spent so many years pouring from our cup
31:44
and not our saucer. And we don't know what
31:47
to do at that time. And I think that's probably
31:51
the hardest part. It's like, who am I? If
31:54
I'm not Stella's mom, or if I'm not Bill's
31:59
wife, now what's left for me? And I would
32:03
like to say to the sisters that are listening,
32:06
life has been waiting on you. Yes. to live.
32:10
We talked about travel. You can't travel.
32:13
That's okay. Find a hobby. You get to choose.
32:18
And what society says and what society is
32:20
gonna do, they're just gonna do. Ageism,
32:23
it's real. It's alive. Yes, it's true. If
32:26
you're over 50 and you're trying to get back
32:28
in a workforce, good luck. That's why I love
32:32
Avalon. What we do there is because you don't
32:34
need the workforce. We're gonna create you
32:36
your own business. Absolutely. Stop working
32:39
for somebody else. You spent all these years
32:41
working for somebody else. It's time for
32:44
you to do your own thing and get paid for
32:46
it.
32:46
That's right. Bring that expertise and let
32:49
it be something you do. And that's, again,
32:51
some things that we're going to get into
32:53
in the collective. So absolutely. So here's
32:55
something new that I want to throw out to
32:57
you. There's something I do every year, but
33:00
I haven't seen posts about it. So that's
33:02
why I added it into this conversation. So
33:04
when we look ahead, right, and ahead is in,
33:07
what, two plus days to 2026, what's your
33:11
one word that will guide you through the
33:13
year?
33:15
You know, I thought about that because every
33:17
year I have a word. Yeah. And the thing I
33:19
love about my word every year is when I look
33:21
back on those words, that's how every word
33:24
I have every year builds. Mm-hmm. It builds
33:31
on the next year. Yes.
33:33
Yes.
33:33
And so this year, and I think it's a word
33:37
that I've been really working towards, it's
33:39
just freedom. OK. It's my word, freedom.
33:42
OK. I love it. I love it. You know, absolutely.
33:44
So my word in 2022 was live. And then it
33:48
became live a dream lifestyle, which, you
33:50
know, is my brand. Right. So it became my
33:54
way of living. It also became my brand. And
33:56
then for this year, my word is unprecedented.
33:59
And so I think we're going to move it into
34:02
expectancy for 2026 with the underlying so.
34:07
That's where I'm at right now. And I want
34:09
to invite those who are watching or listening
34:12
to think about it. Think of your word for
33:42
2026, how you want your life to be, how you
34:17
want it to present for you. It's like you
34:21
say that word and then you live into that
34:23
word. That's what I want to invite all of
34:26
you as we count down to 2026 to start thinking
34:30
about your word and then declare it, say
34:32
it so. So as we close, and for everyone listening,
34:39
again, I want to invite you to sit with that
34:42
question for yourself. Think about it. You
34:45
don't have to come up with a word today.
34:46
If you do, you do, right? Because sometimes
34:48
it just hits you. But just notice what's
34:50
pulling at you, what's really resonating
34:53
with you, and again, how you want your 2026
34:55
to look. And Victoria, I wanna thank you
34:59
so much for your wisdom, your honesty, your
35:01
presence, for coming back, right? Because
35:03
this is your second time. And again, for
35:06
saying yes to the collective because we're
35:08
gonna do some great things. You mentioned
35:10
the circles, that's what's coming up in January
35:12
and you're guiding one of those. So again,
35:14
I thank you. And before we say goodbye and
35:20
we're saying goodbye to 2025, what would
35:22
you like to leave those who are watching
35:25
or listening with?
35:27
Yes, the thing that I leave all conversations
35:30
with is, I see you, you matter, and you are
35:35
enough. and you can reach me at justaskvictoria.com,
35:40
victoria at justaskvictoria.com. You can
35:44
find me on Instagram, you can find me on
35:46
Facebook at victoriafinch22. I am easy to
35:50
find, just ask Victoria.
35:52
Just ask Victoria. You have a question, just
35:54
ask Victoria. Well, Victoria, again, thank
35:57
you so much. Happy New Year to you, to those
36:00
who are watching or listening, and until
36:02
next time.