Latest / Imagine Media Podcast Network / God’s Goodness | Christian Testimonies, Hearing ... - Still Battling Depression After the Miracle? Finding Peace in Jesus | Ayis Caperonis | Ep. 161

Transcript

God’s Goodness | Christian Testimonies, Hearing ... - Still Battling Depression After the Miracle? Finding Peace in Jesus | Ayis Caperonis | Ep. 161 · Imagine Media Podcast Network

0:00
This is the start of my heavy clinical depression.
0:04
I was completely destroyed. I was happy to have
0:07
survived, but I wasn't yet thankful to God for
0:11
sparing my life. I didn't know back then what
0:14
He had done for me. Hey there, welcome to the
0:19
God's Goodness podcast. We are your hosts, Josh
0:22
and Shelly Hankins, and we're here to share real
0:24
stories of God's power, stories of hope, healing,
0:28
and miracles that will strengthen your faith.
0:30
No matter what you're walking through, we want
0:32
to remind you that God is good and He's still
0:35
moving today. Let's dive in. Have you ever thought,
0:40
God answered my prayer, so why am I still struggling?
0:43
You thought the answer would bring peace with
0:45
it. You thought you'd feel different on the other
0:48
side, and now you almost feel guilty admitting
0:50
that you don't. Because how do you make sense
0:53
of still struggling when you know God has already
0:56
been so good to you? For Ayes Caparonis, there
1:00
was an answer people could see. What they couldn't
1:03
see was what came after. Thank you so much for
1:06
coming onto our show today. We appreciate having
1:09
you, and I would like to invite you to pray for
1:11
us to open the atmosphere up to the Holy Spirit.
1:15
Yes, thank you for having me, Josh and Shelley.
1:18
I mean, it's very nice to be on your podcast.
1:20
So let's pray. Dear Father, I hope this episode
1:24
of God's Goodness goes to many listeners and
1:29
blesses their families and everybody else and
1:33
brings you closer to your Word and to your scriptures.
1:37
And I pray for everybody that's listening also.
1:42
be their hardships and everything. In Jesus'
1:45
name, amen. Amen. Thank you. Ayes, take us back
1:50
to when you were 13. Give us a little background
1:53
on what life looked like for you then. What was
1:56
going on? We're going back to the beginning.
1:59
Yes. I grew up between France and Switzerland.
2:03
My father was Swiss. He went to two Olympic Games
2:06
in 1964 in Tokyo and 1968 in Mexico City. He
2:12
was representing Switzerland for swimming. So
2:15
we were an athletic family. And as a young, young
2:19
boy, my dream was to maybe one day do what he
2:24
did and walk in the Olympics. I played the last
2:27
sports. I was involved in many different things
2:31
in school, different sports. And then I started
2:35
experiencing headaches. my left side of my body
2:40
was a little weaker. Then when I was starting
2:43
to feel, I didn't put too much mind to it because
2:47
the doctors were saying it's nothing much. It's
2:50
just migraines. You know, it's nothing. So I
2:52
was keeping on going and they misdiagnosed me.
2:55
And the last year I was moving to Southern France
2:59
from Switzerland. Then I started experiencing
3:04
double vision in class. nystagmus, which the
3:08
eyes move up and down in the vision also. So
3:11
this prompted my dad to send me to an ophthalmologist
3:15
in Saint -Tropez where we were. And the ophthalmologist
3:20
took my father's side, did all the tests, took
3:23
my father's side not to scare me. And he told
3:27
me later, of course, that I had a huge hemorrhage
3:30
in the back of my eye and that I had, he didn't
3:33
know how much I had to live. And he sent us by
3:37
emergency to either Switzerland, where they are
3:41
the best doctors, or Paris, France, where they
3:45
also had great doctors. When I got there and
3:48
they diagnosed me with the brain tumor, I had
3:51
a huge brain tumor. Luckily it was benign because
3:55
I wouldn't be here, but it had grown to a huge
3:59
orange, crushing my cerebellum. And therefore
4:03
I had a week to live. They said, wow. Yeah. And
4:08
I went into emergency surgery and the surgery
4:13
was nine and a half hours long. And I was to
4:16
be the guinea pig brand new technique of surgery
4:19
at the time in 1988. So I went through that.
4:24
I was 13 and a half back then. So when I came
4:27
out, I had lost all my motor skills. And it was
4:32
devastating for me to see that. I mean, having
4:35
all my dreams completely ruined. Yeah, sure.
4:40
When you think that you want to be an Olympian
4:42
like your father and then you can't use any of
4:45
your motor skills shortly after, I can imagine
4:48
how devastating it is to first find out that
4:50
you probably only got a week to live. And then
4:53
when you survive, you find out you really can't
4:55
do anything. Yeah. My father and my mom, they
4:59
told the doctors, not to tell me how much I had
5:02
to live. I thought my father, I mean, just before
5:05
going to Switzerland, he had told me, doctors
5:09
will have to do a small surgery on you. It's
5:11
nothing big, and it's going to show you're a
5:13
tough guy. Just brain surgery, nothing big. Yeah,
5:16
nothing big. I was in high spirits going into
5:20
the surgery, and that probably saved my life
5:23
also because, you know, I didn't see the danger,
5:26
but there was real danger. back there, and the
5:29
doctors didn't think I would even be able to
5:33
breathe on my own when I came out. Yeah. So,
5:36
I mean, this was major, major surgery. And when
5:41
I came out, I was completely devastated. I stayed
5:44
a month in the hospital. And when I came out,
5:48
I mean, I thought up to that moment, okay, I
5:51
got a major thing, you know, but, you know, if
5:54
I work hard, I can recuperate everything that
5:58
I lost. And the shocking thing was when I came
6:03
out and in winter, my father asked the doctor,
6:06
a doctor that was there, what would be the prognosis
6:10
for my future. And bluntly said, basically he
6:14
won't be able to walk unaided for a long time.
6:18
won't be able to swim, you could drown, won't
6:21
be able to go to school and higher education
6:24
is completely over. You won't be able to have
6:28
a normal life. So I was completely, this is the
6:32
start of my heavy clinical depression that I
6:36
went through. I mean, I went back to Southern
6:38
France and I was completely destroyed. I mean,
6:42
I was happy to have survived, but I wasn't yet.
6:47
thankful to God for sparing my life and for going
6:50
through this with me. I didn't know back then
6:53
what he had done for me. I mean, I knew my family
6:57
wasn't very religious. They never went to church.
7:01
My grandfather had baptized us, Greek Orthodox,
7:05
but we didn't go to church. We had a friend,
7:09
she also had brain surgery, and she had to relearn
7:12
everything, walking, writing. all the things,
7:16
doing laundry. Well, of course, you know, teenagers
7:18
are not doing laundry, probably. But like, how
7:21
long did you spend in recovery for, like, getting
7:24
back to normal? And how long did it take you
7:26
to get back to normal? Yeah, I mean, the turning
7:29
point for me, because my parents put me in a
7:33
reputations center with young kids that had many
7:38
handicaps. It was near Toulon in Yerre, in France.
7:43
And they put me for a week in this re -education
7:46
center. And there I saw major suffering of kids,
7:50
young kids with major handicaps, different handicaps.
7:54
And I said, no, you can't let yourself go. God
7:58
has spared your life. You have no right to give
8:01
up. If it's not for you, you have to keep on
8:03
going for the memory of those kids. And I told
8:06
my parents that it would work doubly hard at
8:10
home. to try to improve what I could, even if
8:13
I wasn't going to be getting everything back.
8:16
I was going to do the best I could. So he let
8:20
me do that. I did physiotherapy twice a day for
8:23
balance, et cetera, and resistance. I exercised,
8:27
riding exercised. I did different exercises that
8:31
that could help me. And it took a while. I mean,
8:35
I didn't recover everything. I still have my
8:38
anti -capsule, now 38 years. Later, I am nystagmus,
8:43
double vision. They're much the problems and
8:46
balance, also balances, but they're much less
8:49
than they used to. Now I'm out of my wheelchair.
8:52
I don't have my eye to my nose. I had corrective
8:56
surgery also on my eye and then correct double
8:59
vision. So my problems were, they never disappeared
9:05
totally. But you didn't really let that slow
9:07
you down. It doesn't sound like it stopped you.
9:10
Yeah, I tried to do the best with what I had.
9:13
You know, I gave my life to God. Of course, after
9:16
this, I completely gave my life to God. I said,
9:20
please protect me and guide me through what I'm
9:24
going through. You know, I completely trust you.
9:27
And I mean, I didn't know the exact prayers that
9:30
I was doing. I never went to church, as I say,
9:33
but this, you know, for many, many years, I was
9:36
very depressed because I didn't have regular
9:39
teenagers, you know, people were more scared
9:42
around me, a little scared, showing me pity for
9:45
the way I was. Even though they were nice, they
9:49
were showing pity, you know, and it was hurtful.
9:52
It was hurtful. People at school when I tried
9:54
to go back would make fun of me, you know, it
9:57
was difficult. I went from being popular before
10:00
my surgery. to having my girlfriend saying, you
10:04
know, she wanted to end it, you know, and everybody
10:06
laughing at me, you know, so it was difficult.
10:09
We would have girls around, you know, and they
10:13
would just talk to you by pity and by being nice,
10:18
but she did, they were a little scared, you know?
10:22
And I can blame them because I was different.
10:25
Yeah, no, I mean, and especially when you're
10:27
younger, we, as children, our young adults, we
10:31
don't usually handle things we don't understand
10:33
very well. I'd like to think that we lash out
10:36
to protect ourselves from the awkwardness that
10:38
we feel for someone else, which is the complete
10:41
wrong answer. But when your kids are immature
10:44
and you don't know, and that's, you know, I was
10:46
really sorry that you had to go through that.
10:48
I can see that you are, you're not who you were.
10:51
And I'm glad to know that God has helped you
10:53
through that and that you are standing tall,
10:56
so to speak. Yeah, I mean, everything is in God's
11:00
schedule. It's not in your schedule. For many
11:03
years, yes. How old were you when you leaned
11:05
into God and what made you lean into Him? If
11:08
you weren't going to church, were there friends
11:10
that led you towards Him again? What led me towards
11:15
Him again is when I was, for many years back
11:18
in Southern France, I would pray silently because
11:21
I spent a lot of time with God. talking, you
11:25
know, and saying, I would one day like to have
11:29
someone who understands me or in my life, you
11:32
know, that can be with me and guide, help me,
11:35
you know, help me create a family. I was praying
11:38
secretly on the side. And after 20 years, unbeknownst
11:43
to me, I was completely depressed. A girl on
11:46
the dating site started to write messages. She
11:50
was in Madrid, Spain. I was in New York. So we
11:54
started talking. At first, I didn't give it too
11:56
much thought, you know, just ignored it because
11:59
I was playing video games. Then I was, you know,
12:04
I didn't really care about it. And then I started
12:08
talking to her and we started connecting. Started
12:11
talking every day for two months, every day.
12:15
And after a while, I had God saying to me, if
12:20
you don't go now, took one meter, you may have
12:24
regrets the rest of your life. So I took the
12:27
plane and went to see her for a couple of days.
12:33
At first, right, she didn't want to have, she
12:36
was a little scared, you know, that, so she didn't
12:38
get too close to me at first. But after a while,
12:42
we went back and forth, back and forth. And she
12:45
was very close to God. That's what attracted
12:48
me. to a conversation because she also has a
12:51
very big story about God in her life. She grew
12:56
up in other poverty in the Dominican Republic.
13:00
And she didn't have food on the table. She just
13:03
had a single mom at home raising her with four
13:07
kids. She was dirt poor, very dirt poor. I mean,
13:10
they were very, and this, I connected a lot with
13:13
her talking about God and talking about that.
13:16
about what she went through. And she could understand
13:19
what I went through as well. She could understand
13:23
the power of God done in my life. And that prompted
13:28
me to go and visit. Wow. I thought Josh drove
13:32
a long ways to see me when we met online. And
13:34
when I realized he was driving, what is it, 40
13:36
minutes? Something like that. Yeah. Nothing,
13:38
nothing terrible. Not compared to leaving countries.
13:41
Yeah. That's a heck of a distance. long -distance
13:46
relationship. I'm not sure I would have crossed
13:49
a national border, to be honest. Yeah, right.
13:54
With all the red flags back then. So that's fun.
13:58
And then also another similarity. I know when
14:01
I met Josh, that's when I built my relationship
14:04
more with God. And so that was a cool similarity.
14:08
So like, how long did you guys date for before?
14:12
Before, yeah, I mean, we were, I met her in 2008
14:16
and we got married in 2011 in Connecticut because
14:21
my family was living there. So we went back to
14:23
Canada, back and forth. I went to Spain. She
14:26
came back to U .S. We went back and forth and
14:30
back there in Madrid. I mean, we were in Madrid.
14:34
We went to a Bible study also, because she had
14:37
a Bible study that she was going, so I could
14:39
also go to Bible study. And this is the first
14:42
real connection with God on paper. On paper,
14:48
following scripture, the Bible. Then I, when
14:52
we moved, we lived in Massachusetts also. After
14:55
that, we were going to church. And she pushed
14:59
me also as well. We both went to church. And
15:04
now we're in St. Augustine, Florida, and we're
15:08
still going to church and a local church around
15:10
here. You said St. Augustine, Florida? Yes. Isn't
15:17
that like one of like the oldest cities in America?
15:20
Yes, correct. I mean, it's the oldest settlement
15:24
in the U .S., right? From the Spanish. Yeah.
15:29
I'm surprised I remembered that. Yeah, good memory.
15:33
Thank you. You've had quite a journey from the
15:37
border of Switzerland and France to New York
15:41
to where you met a girl who lived in Madrid and
15:44
then carried that relationship for three years
15:47
before getting married in Connecticut. Do you
15:50
ever want to settle in one spot? Yeah, I mean,
15:55
I traveled a lot. went France, Switzerland, and
16:00
a lot of countries. And then I lived a year in
16:02
Canada because my family also was in Canada.
16:06
And so I traveled a lot. But yeah, now we're
16:09
pretty much settled. I mean, we're in the U .S.
16:12
I mean, I don't know if we'll do, I don't think
16:15
we'll do big moves again. I mean, across country,
16:19
across nations, different nations and different
16:22
countries, right? Well, America is big enough
16:24
that just changing states is pretty far. Yeah,
16:27
that's true. Yeah, you know, I'm really surprised
16:31
that your family wasn't really into God, but
16:33
you still leaned into him. Did they ever like
16:35
take your inspiration? Did your family ever decide
16:38
that what you had brought to the table with your
16:40
love of God, did that transform them at all?
16:44
I'm trying my best to talk about God in my life.
16:48
And that's why I'm also doing podcasts because
16:51
I want to spread the message of what God did
16:54
in my life, you know, and I want to inspire people
16:56
to get closer to God and closer to His Word,
17:00
closer to Scripture. And so this is what pushes
17:03
me. I have family members that have been listening
17:08
to me, you know, and what I'm saying, but they
17:11
don't really, they're not that as, I think they
17:17
need to have an event. An encounter. Yeah, an
17:21
encounter themselves, right? They need to. You
17:24
can only do so much, introduce them to God, show
17:29
what He has done for you. But they also have
17:31
to put their effort and realizing that if they
17:35
give their faith to God, all their problems,
17:38
He will always be with you. And they have to
17:42
all put some up their own. We have planted seeds
17:45
for some members of our family. So we know how
17:48
that goes. Like you can only do so much and then
17:51
you just let it go and let God because eventually
17:54
God will do what he wants to do. So it can be
17:58
frustrating when you're like, you're trying to
18:00
show the most awesome thing in the world and
18:03
then they don't grip onto it. It's like, it's
18:05
right here. He wants you to be, you know, closer
18:09
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18:14
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18:16
to. At first, I was just interested in the idea
18:19
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18:24
noticing people I personally know getting paid
18:27
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18:33
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18:35
friends, or chasing customers around. It's a
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18:46
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18:54
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simple that actually makes sense in today's economy,
18:59
you should at least take a look at why so many
19:01
people are paying attention to this right now.
19:03
The info's in our about section. So I wanted
19:06
to circle back though to the, when you got to
19:10
know God more through dating your wife, I know
19:14
you had that depression. Did you notice it lifting?
19:17
Was it like sudden lifting of the depression?
19:19
Because I know when we have the Holy Spirit,
19:22
we have peace, love, joy, all the fruits of the
19:24
Spirit. And so with Jesus, He has love and He
19:27
casts out fear and depression and all the things.
19:30
So like, was that a gradual thing or like did
19:33
it, what did that look like for you? Yeah, I
19:36
mean for me, I was comparing always comparing
19:39
during before I met my wife. I had different
19:41
goals I was at went up and down for me because
19:44
I went to college You know did really well and
19:47
I thought you know, I could apply to jobs and
19:49
get jobs So I applied and nothing happened because
19:54
I had my problems my masters to another setback
19:58
so depression went up and down that when I met
20:01
my wife my goals started to I met my wife and
20:08
I had different goals. Different goals of making
20:11
her happy and being the best father husband I
20:16
could. That was until I got kids. And then it
20:20
was my goal was to be the best father. So the
20:24
best husband and the best father that I could
20:27
with what God gave me. And this is what pushed
20:31
me. And so now the setbacks, you know, if I can
20:34
do this or I can do that, you know, because I'm,
20:37
I'm still, I do what I can, you know, around,
20:40
I'm slower, you know, I have my problems, but
20:42
I do them. And if I can't do them or they take
20:46
more time, it doesn't affect me because I know
20:50
that, you know, those are minor in comparison
20:54
to the happiness and joy that my wife and my
20:58
kids offer me. Just being around them It's very
21:02
inspirational to see the setbacks that you had
21:05
and I know that a lot of people Throw the word
21:08
depressed around without understanding what it
21:11
really means and it kind of devalues it for the
21:14
people that actually suffer from depression You
21:17
know, and so I I know our work in health care.
21:20
I know Just how hard depression can hit somebody
21:25
and I know I don't know specifically what it
21:28
feels like, because I've never been depressed.
21:30
But I understand it's not something that is lightly
21:32
put aside. It's not something you can just say,
21:35
hey, just cheer up. Let's go. And you'll cheer
21:37
up and go. Yeah, it's like addiction. It's literally
21:39
just there. Yeah, it's there. It's stagnant.
21:42
It's almost oppressive. It's wonderful to hear
21:45
you speaking about how you've overcome it and
21:48
the journey as you were coming over it, that
21:51
it was kind of up and down. It waxed and waned,
21:53
depending on the difficulties in your life. And
21:55
I'm so grateful that you found a woman who was
21:59
after God's own heart to help you through every
22:02
single one of those transitions. Yes. I wrote
22:06
of my experiences also what helped me with my
22:09
depression. I wrote about that. And so those
22:13
are, I'm not a clinician, but those are steps
22:17
and things that have helped me because when you're
22:20
depressed, you're like in a tunnel. And everything
22:23
you see is dark and negative. So what the steps
22:28
is knowing that it's possible to overcome them
22:31
by reading. For me, my turning point was a shock
22:36
for me, but for other people, it could be reading
22:39
about people, not comparing yourself, but just
22:42
knowing it's possible. You have some people like
22:46
Nick Vesuvich that have no limbs, et cetera,
22:50
gave their lives to God. and accomplish things
22:53
that are miracles. You know, so knowing those
22:56
things, then knowing the universe, knowing that
23:00
we are a speck, we are nothing much in the universe.
23:03
It's so huge. So then you have God giving your
23:07
problems to God, to greater power. And this can
23:11
open more little specks in the tunnel, specks
23:15
of light in the tunnel. So it's not one step.
23:18
that you do to end depression. It's many little
23:21
steps. Then you have food, the way you eat, the
23:25
way you sleep, the way you exercise. I mean,
23:29
all those things and music, family, friends,
23:34
animals, if you don't have kids, kids, animals.
23:37
I mean, all those things can offer you little
23:40
chances. And when you're depressed also, another
23:43
thing is that You have to have positive iterations.
23:49
You have to, of course, give your faith to God,
23:51
but you have to remind yourself that I am capable.
23:55
I am strong. I am powerful. I mean, repeat those
23:59
every day and keep on having positive thoughts
24:02
because when you're depressed, everything is
24:04
negative. I mean, we've talked about this, I
24:10
think in our last podcast episode that what you
24:13
feed grows. And if you feed your negativity,
24:16
if you feed that depression, you're only going
24:18
to get more depressed. But if you have positive
24:20
thoughts and you feed those positive thoughts,
24:22
you can climb out of almost anything. Yeah, that's
24:27
right. I think science calls it the reticular
24:29
activating system. So like what you focus on,
24:32
you'll see more of. So one of the things that
24:36
someone was told was he was told by God to quit
24:39
complaining. He's like, all I have to do is,
24:42
you know, I have all this stuff and it's only
24:44
bad stuff. And so God called him on it. And so
24:48
he could turn things around and start focusing
24:51
on the good things. And then renewing his mind
24:54
also was a good thing that helped him. Did you
24:58
ever think that when you were 13 years old, fresh
25:02
off the operating table with the deficits that
25:05
you had, that you would be where you are now
25:07
with a wife and kids, stability, God. No, I mean,
25:12
I would never have thought that. I mean, when
25:14
I came out, I was completely depressed. You know,
25:17
I didn't see the point of living at that point.
25:20
All my goals of, you know, when I was little
25:22
and everybody and all teenagers and all growing,
25:27
they have goals also. I mean, they said themselves.
25:29
And when you're young, you think bad things happen.
25:33
They won't happen to me. You know, they won't
25:36
happen to me. So, I mean, and until they do happen
25:39
to you and you have to face it, you have to face
25:43
the problem. So I never thought that that would
25:46
be one day. And this is the miracle of God. If
25:50
you give your faith to God, anything is possible.
25:54
You give your faith to God, anything is possible.
25:57
I prayed for things and it's not on our schedule.
26:01
I was suffering for 20 years until The thing,
26:05
it was God talking to me, and what were the chances
26:09
that he would guide me to a wife and a family?
26:14
I'd say they're pretty good considering God's
26:16
chances. Yes. But you couldn't know that. Yeah,
26:20
what are my chances? Yeah, you couldn't know
26:22
that. God was 100 % sure, but you couldn't know
26:24
it because he doesn't really reveal that much
26:26
to us. No. Exactly. Yes. Just one step at a time.
26:32
Yeah, one step at a time. What encouragement
26:34
would you give to the listener if they're in
26:36
a hard space right now or just like in that tunnel
26:40
right now and they have no hope? I would say
26:46
to them to never, never give up. There's always
26:49
hope. People have done, you know, knowing that
26:54
people have done it opens little specks of light
26:57
in the tunnel. Taking different steps can give
27:00
you a different specks of light and everything
27:03
is on God's terms. The things you're praying,
27:07
you may pray in your life, the hardships you
27:10
go through, this is God will provide at the end.
27:14
If you keep on being a good person, doing the
27:17
best with what you can and praying to God, God
27:21
at the end will be there for you. Don't give
27:24
up. Do you have any scripture that you held onto
27:27
that was kind of like an anchor verse for you
27:30
that you would repeat like a mantra, so to speak?
27:33
What I repeat, the things that I repeated when
27:36
I was after my surgery, I didn't really read
27:39
the scripture yet. I grew up in France, so there
27:42
wasn't really that availability with the internet
27:45
now. But now I'm going to church and yes, there
27:50
is Joshua 1 .9. That said, be strong, be courageous,
27:54
do not be afraid for I am your God and I will
27:57
be with you wherever you go. I wanted to take
28:02
us back to the one part where if you're still
28:04
waiting in a season, it took me 17 years before
28:09
God healed me of chronic neck and shoulder pain.
28:12
And so you never know when it's going to happen,
28:14
but it could be on the side of heaven or after,
28:18
but I have a gift of faith and so I'm always...
28:21
you know, hoping for all the things. At that
28:23
last day, I was in so much pain. I was in tears.
28:26
I was surrendered. I'm like, God, I need your
28:29
help. Because I was on painkillers, muscle relaxers.
28:33
I was smoking pot back then. It was over 10 years
28:35
ago. And God just answered our prayers that day.
28:39
But it took a few times. We were praying over
28:42
it. And it was just a whole thing. And God showed
28:45
up. So you never know. Just keep hoping. Give
28:51
your faith them. Yes, absolutely. I find it fascinating
28:56
how they once told you that higher education
29:01
was not going to be a thing for you. And now
29:03
you have a master's degree and now then you have
29:05
some books. So tell us about like the different
29:08
books you have too. I have books that came out
29:11
on Amazon. I wrote about my grandfather. So I
29:15
did some little books for my kids, I mean for
29:19
Daniela and my three kids. And yeah, so, and
29:23
of course I talked about depression, what helped
29:26
me. And I talk also about my experience more
29:31
with God of everything I went through, which
29:35
is in my book, God Never Let's Go and Kept. And
29:40
those, the books and stirring down depression
29:42
is the latest, which is what helped me overcome
29:47
depression and what helped me facing depression.
29:52
It reminds me of Romans 8 .28, God works all
29:55
things for good. And so now the kingdom has all
29:58
these resources to go to for inspiration and
30:01
direction because of all the things that you
30:03
went through. And it's just very encouraging
30:06
that what God can do with anything. Absolutely.
30:10
Yes. Yeah. It's a, it's quite the journey you've
30:13
had. Yeah. I mean, all glory to God, all glory
30:18
to God. And, you know, can inspire people to
30:23
get closer to God with my story. And that is
30:27
a hundred percent him in my life. I would be
30:29
very happy knowing that I can do something to
30:33
get people closer to scripture and to his word
30:36
and to follow him. That would be good. What's
30:40
the best thing that's come of this? This whole
30:43
long journey with the having to overcome a brain
30:47
tumor and then 20 years of depression. Like what
30:51
is like the best thing God did out of all of
30:54
this that you feel is just like the bees. Yeah
30:58
the best thing is definitely my family. I mean
31:01
my wife and my kids. You know I don't care that
31:04
much about material things as I used to. every
31:08
little thing. I'm so grateful for everything
31:11
in my life now. And what the happiest moments
31:15
are the ones when I hear my kids come and say,
31:19
I love you, dad, and hug you, and out of the
31:22
blue, like this. This is in my wife, too. These
31:25
are moments to be cherished. And I thank God
31:30
for that, of course. I mean, this is God's work.
31:34
I know Josh has God speak to him when he looks
31:37
at the kids. So is that also the same case for
31:41
you that you learn lessons about the father as
31:45
you being a father too? Yeah, I think that God
31:50
said he knew you before you were born, right?
31:53
So I mean, he is in the kids, you know, and the
31:57
kids are very close to God, right? The kids understand
32:02
you and they warm your heart. Right? The kids
32:05
warm your heart. For me, if you can't have kids,
32:09
animals can help you a lot also. I mean, friends,
32:13
family can help you, all those people. But definitely
32:17
kids and children. I believe that God speaks
32:21
through them, you know, and I know it's not easy
32:24
sometimes, right? Because they're, they can be
32:26
especially with technology nowadays, they don't
32:29
listen. You know, and it's very difficult, but
32:32
in the end of, I really feel that the most important,
32:36
I mean, I don't care if they're, they've been
32:38
not cleaning their room or they're not doing
32:40
what they're supposed to do. Just the fact that
32:43
they come in and hug you and saying, I love you.
32:46
Those are, are just a process. Yeah. No, I've
32:51
recounted a story similar to that where my son,
32:54
I let him stay up one night way past his bedtime
32:56
to watch a movie and he was maybe three years
32:58
old. And he was tuckered out and passed out downstairs.
33:02
And so I decided to carry him upstairs and God,
33:05
you know, impressed upon me that I had no idea.
33:08
I didn't remember because the day was so long.
33:10
If my son had been a good boy that day or if
33:12
he had been naughty, I couldn't remember. But
33:14
it didn't matter because I had him in my arms
33:17
and I was carrying the bed. And that's what God
33:19
wants us to feel with him. Yes. What we did that
33:21
day doesn't matter. The fact that he has us is
33:24
what matters. Exactly. Yeah. And so when you
33:28
were saying that, I couldn't help but just think
33:30
that, yes, exactly, exactly that. It doesn't
33:32
matter what your kids do wrong or do right. And
33:35
God looks at us the same way. He's not keeping
33:37
a score. His love isn't keeping tally. His love
33:40
isn't writing it down and saving it for later.
33:43
And when we're in him, that's basically saying
33:45
that I trust him to carry me to bed. Right. I
33:48
love you father I trust you to carry me would
33:50
not drop me not drag me not pull me up the stairs
33:52
But to take me to bed and he doesn't care about
33:54
the things that we've done right or wrong and
33:57
when I got to the top of the stairs He had me
33:59
reverse that thought and said he doesn't want
34:02
us to come to him for all the prayers He answered
34:04
and he doesn't want us to come to him for things
34:06
that we he didn't right He wants us to come to
34:09
him because he is the father purely for that
34:12
And everything else will come from that. But
34:14
he doesn't want our hearts to be zoned in on
34:17
what he can do for us. He wants our hearts to
34:19
be just for him and him alone. And the things
34:22
he does for us are separate. Yeah, that's powerful.
34:27
Very powerful. That's a hundred percent true.
34:31
And yeah, I mean, God sees us like his kids.
34:36
My kids when we are his kids, but yes, yes. And
34:39
I really think that's why Jesus was, you know,
34:42
Yelling at the the disciples about being good
34:45
to the kids like let the kids come to me let
34:47
them yes And unless you were like these children
34:49
you cannot see the kingdom of God I think that
34:52
has so many different meanings and one of the
34:54
meanings is Not that we're innocent not that
34:57
we're dumb not that we're needy and clingy But
35:01
that kids are totally dependent on their parents
35:04
Right. Yes, what they would they don't know where
35:06
they're the foods coming from. They don't know
35:08
who's paying for the house to shelter They don't
35:10
know where their clothes are coming from They
35:11
just trust that their parents are going to provide
35:14
and I think that's the kind of trust that we
35:16
need to put into the father I want to thank you
35:19
so much for joining us today and sharing our
35:21
story You know, I can't be easy to talk about,
35:24
you know depression. It can't be easy to talk
35:26
about brain tumors. It can't be easy to At least
35:29
not for the normal person. For those of us in
35:31
Christ who know that God is with us for our healing,
35:34
we like to talk about those things. But thank
35:36
you for being vulnerable and open. Thank you
35:38
for speaking about how you met your wife. And
35:40
thank you for speaking about your children and
35:43
how much them, your wife, and Jesus has helped
35:48
pull you from chronic depression. Yes. Amen.
35:52
Thank you very much for having me on your podcast.
35:55
It was a pleasure to be here. Thank you, Charlie.
35:58
Thank you, Josh. It was very nice to be here
36:01
and very nice to meet you. So, on the phone.
36:06
Yes. Well, I hope this has helped a listener,
36:10
at least one, if not more. And hopefully they
36:13
can check out your books and they got a list
36:16
of things they can do to move forward out of
36:19
that tunnel of darkness. And hopefully they can
36:23
see a little more light, you know, each day.
36:26
and lean more into Jesus and his word, and I
36:30
just pray it blesses many. And if anyone would
36:34
like to partner with us, we have a link in the
36:36
About section that has all the links, and that
36:40
will help us get this message out to more people
36:43
in more countries so more can be blessed and
36:46
welcomed into God's kingdom. And with that, we'll
36:48
talk to you next week. Before you go, if this
36:53
episode encouraged you or made you think of someone
36:55
in your life, share it with them. You never know
36:58
how God might use one story at the right moment.
37:01
Thanks for spending this time with us today.
37:03
And don't forget, God is always working, miracles
37:06
still happen, and your story matters too. We'll
37:09
talk to you next week.