Latest / The Comeback Story: Real Stories of Resilience, Courage & Reinvention / Asking For What You're Worth: The Courage To Speak Up | The Comeback Story
Transcript
- You know that tightness in your chest right before you dial the number? That’s not fear; it’s the sound of your old self letting go. I want you to close your eyes for just a moment. Imagine you are sitting at your kitchen table, or maybe at your desk, and the screen is dark. It’s late. The house is quiet, but inside your head, it is loud. You have drafted the email three times. You have rehearsed the conversation in the shower twice. You have calculated every decimal point of your contribution to this company, every extra hour you stayed late, every problem you solved when no one was watching. And yet, you haven’t sent it. You haven’t picked up the phone. Why? Because somewhere deep down, a voice whispers that you might be asking for too much. Or worse, that you aren’t enough to deserve it. Let's sit with that for a second. That hesitation isn't weakness. It's actually proof that you care about your work, that you value the stability you've built, and that you understand the stakes. But I need you to hear me clearly: that voice is lying to you. It is echoing the doubts of people who don't see your full picture. Today, we are going to talk about the specific, terrifying, and absolutely necessary act of asking for a raise when you doubt yourself. Not because you are greedy, but because you finally believe you are worth more than what you are currently being paid. We often wait for a feeling of certainty before we take action. We tell ourselves, 'Once I feel confident, I will ask.' 'Once I have all the data, I will speak up.' 'Once I stop shaking, I will make the call.' But here is the truth that took me years to learn: confidence is not a prerequisite for action. Confidence is the result of action. You do not wait until you are brave to do the scary thing. You do the scary thing, and bravery shows up afterward, like a friend arriving just in time to help you carry the load. Think back to the last time you did something difficult. Did you feel ready? Probably not. You felt nervous, maybe even foolish. But you did it anyway. And then, the world didn't end. In fact, you likely stood taller after you finished. Asking for a raise is no different. It is not a test of your worthiness. It is a negotiation of your value. And value is not static. It grows. It compounds. It changes based on your skills, your experience, and the market reality. If you are waiting for permission to feel worthy, you will wait forever. Permission is not given; it is taken. Not aggressively, but firmly. With the quiet certainty that you have earned your place at the table, and now you are asking for the seat that matches your actual size. So how do we move from doubt to declaration? We ground ourselves in facts, not feelings. Feelings fluctuate. Facts remain. When you walk into that meeting, or send that email, you are not asking for a favor. You are presenting a business case. This is where your backbone comes in. That wasn't just luck getting you to where you are today. That was your backbone. It was your resilience. It was your ability to show up even when you wanted to hide. Now, I want you to write down three things. First, list three specific achievements from the last year that had a tangible impact on your team or your company. Did you save money? Did you bring in new clients? Did you streamline a process that used to take five hours and now takes thirty minutes? Second, list three skills you have developed that were not required when you were hired. Third, look at the market rate for your role. Just glancing at it can be shocking. You might find that you are underpaid by twenty percent. Thirty percent. This isn't about entitlement. It is about equity. When you present these numbers, you are removing the emotion from the equation. You are saying, 'Here is the value I provide. Here is what the market pays for this value. There is a gap. Let us close it.' This shifts the dynamic entirely. You are no longer a supplicant asking for crumbs. You are a partner offering a solution to an imbalance. Let's talk about the elephant in the room: rejection. What if they say no? What if they say, 'We can't afford it right now'? What if they question your commitment? These fears are valid. They are real. But let me ask you this: what is the cost of staying silent? If you stay silent, you guarantee that nothing changes. You guarantee that you continue to feel resentful, undervalued, and stuck. That is a slow poison. On the other hand, if you ask and they say no, you still have information. You have clarity. You can ask, 'What would it take for me to earn this increase in the next six months?' You turn a closed door into a roadmap. Most managers respect courage. They respect clarity. They respect someone who knows their worth. Even if the answer is no today, your willingness to advocate for yourself changes how they see you. It signals that you are serious. It signals that you are growing. And growth is attractive. It is energizing. Do not confuse a temporary 'no' with a permanent judgment of your character. A budget issue is not a reflection of your soul. A hiring freeze is not a statement on your talent. Keep your identity separate from their decision. Your value does not decrease because someone else fails to recognize it. You remain whole. You remain capable. You remain deserving. I remember when I asked for a promotion in my early thirties. I thought I had it all figured out. I had the metrics. I had the praise from my peers. I was sure. And yet, my hands were sweating so much I could barely hold the pen. My boss looked at me, paused, and said, 'We'll talk about it.' He didn't say yes. He didn't say no. He deferred. I walked out of that office feeling defeated, convinced I had overstepped. But looking back, that moment was pivotal. It taught me that advocacy is a skill, not a trait. It taught me that silence is not always agreement. And it taught me that I had to keep showing up, keep delivering, and keep speaking up, regardless of the immediate outcome. That struggle had dignity. It mattered. Every time you choose to voice your needs, you are modeling behavior for others. You are showing younger colleagues, friends, family members that women do not shrink. We do not apologize for our ambition. We do not wait to be noticed. We notice ourselves. We claim our space. This episode is not just about money. It is about energy. It is about the energy you reclaim when you stop hiding behind polite silence. It is about the freedom that comes from knowing you can handle the worst-case scenario and survive it. You have survived every bad day so far. You can survive this conversation. If you are listening to this and you haven't asked for a raise yet, that is okay. Start small. Practice the language. Write the script. Say it to your mirror. Say it to your cat. Say it to me. Get comfortable with the words. Then, identify one person in your life who believes in you. Tell them, 'I am planning to ask for a raise.' Just saying it aloud breaks the spell of secrecy. It brings it into the light. And when you do make the ask, celebrate it. No matter the outcome. Celebrate the courage. Celebrate the fact that you showed up for yourself. Small wins matter just as much as big leaps. This is the first step in a larger journey of self-trust. As we discussed in a previous episode about the quiet power of speaking your truth, finding your voice is a muscle. It strengthens with use. Today, you are flexing that muscle. You are choosing authenticity over perfection. You are choosing community, by trusting that your story resonates with others who are also learning to stand tall. You are not alone in this. There is a whole network of women who have sat exactly where you are, trembling but determined. And they made it through. So will you. Take a breath. Look at your list of achievements. See yourself clearly. And then, take the step. The world is waiting for the version of you that knows her own price. Thank you for letting me sit with you in this messy, beautiful middle. I’m Kara Burns. Remember, you are enough, exactly as you are, and you are becoming more. Until next time.