Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S1 Ep19: 45 Minutes of Laughs/ Best Moments 🤣

Transcript

S1 Ep19: 45 Minutes of Laughs/ Best Moments 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Shut the hell up! Why do they like you?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: Only because they were drunk before they got here.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Are you happy to be here?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: Not exactly.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: This town is too freaking bizarre for me.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you say that?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: On my way in here tonight, I saw Aquaman on Hollywood Boulevard.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Why would Aquaman be on Hollywood Boulevard?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there's a drought.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: I guess he's homeless.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Walter, there are a lot of things to like about Los Angeles.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like what?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: Traffic from hell, highest gas prices in the country, wildfires, mudslides, and earthquakes.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yay! I love it here.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Dumbass.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: You ever been in an earthquake?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, does my life falling off of the couch count?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: What the s oh it's you.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Why are you in a bad mood already?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: Well, do you know what it's like to wake up and discover that your life of 45 years has left and is it coming back?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, me neither, but I can dream, can't I?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Is it really that bad?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: The other day, uh, before her birthday, she started yelling at me.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: Tomorrow, I'd let her see a diamond.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, a diamond?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you do?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: I took her to a baseball game.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: So does your wife like Hollywood?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but she thinks it's crazy how many folks in this town get plastic surgery.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: She wouldn't do that?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Why?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, putting new headlights on a minivan doesn't make it a Corvette.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, these guys know what I'm talking about.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: And the women who get those fake giant hoo-haws, they don't want you to miss them either.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: If you look those women in the eye when you're talking to them, they got all pissed off and they go, hey, my boobs are down here.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like, well, what does your wife watch on TV?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_03: Are you guys happy?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: Look at me.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: You still love her?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, of course.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: But like most marriages, we had been through some difficult times.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: But we stayed together because of the children.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you say your your children saved your marriage.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: Well, admittedly, a good marriage can be hard work.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: We went to a marriage therapist one time.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Just once?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: It was a therapist.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: You didn't like the therapist?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, he seemed like a good guy that after listening to my wife talk for 10 minutes, he jumped out the window.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: Seriously, absolutely, and if it wasn't for the leash around my nuts, I would have followed the guy.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: So is there romance between you two?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, not long ago, my wife left a trail of rose.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: Tedd's on the floor for me.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, into the bedroom?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: Right out the front door.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there are plenty of romantic places in this country you could go for a special time together.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like where?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: Top of the Empire State Building.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, we tried that.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: The security guard took one look at her and went, uh oh, King Kong is back.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: See, just like that.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: You've been married for over 45 years.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: Have you ever said anything to your wife that you truly regretted?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, will you marry me?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: I love you, shit like that.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe you could do something simple like watching a movie together.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, every time we watch a movie, she falls asleep.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: Then the next morning I have to drive back to the theater to pick her up and bring her home.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: You've been getting on the computer a lot lately.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, I'm getting on Facebook.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: You get on Facebook.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what do you do on Facebook?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: I like getting on there and defriending everybody possible.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: Why?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: Just so that I wonder what the hell they did wrong.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's funny as hell.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's not nice.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: I know if it was nice, it wouldn't be funny as hell.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: I did actually lose a friend on Facebook the other day without defriending him.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, an old buddy of mine posted that his wife died.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: I clicked like.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: Then I posted mine still alive, sad face.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: I know you read up on Iceland a little bit before we came back.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you read about?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, uh the volcanoes.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: You read about that.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, it's great.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: Imagine something that can erupt at any second and destroy everything in its path.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be darned.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: When I married a volcano.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that Iceland has one of the highest life expectancies in the entire world?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know that.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: Especially women.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: Here a woman's average lifespan is 90 to 100 years.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: Send my wife home immediately.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that um they they have the oldest tree in Norway right here in Bergen?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: Obsession here.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: If I want to see some old wood, I'll take a Viagra.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know the first ever ski jumper was from Norway?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Let me guess.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Married and miserable?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: So you'd never been snow skiing.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, yes, once.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Broke a leg.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: I bet that hurt.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: What my leg?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that golf was invented in Scotland?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: Fascinating.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know what else was invented here?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: What being in public and yelling, shit.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, we might use that on the DVD, and they're not gonna let us say shit.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Take two.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: You wanna do the joke again?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what the hell?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's a good joke.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: They laughed at it.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: I can do that.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, here we go.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: Take two, assholes.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: You talk to them about the, you know, how the way they speak.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, now look, we're in their country, yeah, they speak normally.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_03: Holy crap.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: You're not gonna what are you trying to say?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: You you're you're no Achmed Can you not fucking see out there?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I I will talk to Ahmed about this later.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: Can I uh get in the box and get the fuck out first?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a good idea.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: We're not in Israel.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, are you enjoying Abu Dhabi?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, oh yeah, it's the first uh Arab nation we've ever played, right?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, all I can say is uh uh we may live in Hollywood, but don't worry, we are not Jews.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: You're welcome.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: But have you been enjoying the sights around town?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, sure, amazing, gorgeous buildings.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: Gorgeous buildings, yeah, amazing structures, fantastic hotels, then looking forward to this a lot, and here we are in a tent.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: Where the hell are we?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um you know why they call this the Holy Land.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, yeah.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: Not far from here is the birthplace of the soda stream.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: I'm surprised at how many of the men here have facial hair.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's true.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we went to the market today and it took me ten minutes to pick my wife out of the crowd.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think of South Africa so far?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: Uh honestly, yeah.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: Not what I thought it would be.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Look out there.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_03: We're in Africa, eh?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Lot of white folks out there.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: It it is South Africa, okay?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's the continent of Africa.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: Well, this is not what I remember from the Tarzan movies.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: There was a beetle in our hotel room, and my wife wanted me to step on it.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you do?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: The damn thing grabbed my wife's poodle and flew out the window.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: I love this country.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: I thought the Irish could throw back a few, but you guys are the drinking champions of the world.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm surprised you don't have dead sharks with alcohol poisoning.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: After eating your surfers.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that even though Australia had a big influx of criminals, they now have, you know, only, I don't know, one-fifth as many murders as we do in the US.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: Huh?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Does that surprise you?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't you?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know how much practice it takes to kill somebody with a frickin' boomerang?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a thousand to one.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: I know my wife tried.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: That poodle flew out the window and it was like, you son of a bitch?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: What the wrong?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_03: We came all the way from Hollywood, California to be here.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: And do you know what the first place our tour guide recommended for us to visit?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: Universal frickin' studios.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, we have that, you dumbass! What do you like about Singapore so far?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they have some tough laws.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you've heard about that.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Do you know you can get fined or caned for not flushing a toilet after using it?
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: Then who the hell checks up on that?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: What do you got the ship police?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's the SSP, the Singapore ship police.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: I am not kidding.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: How the hell do they know?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, that guy.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: Have you learned anything constructive about Malaysia since we've been here?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: I did learn on the radio you cannot talk about politics, religion, or sex.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there goes most of our show.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that uh Malaysia has been independent now for 47 years?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's the fascinating.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: And a coincidence.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: What's that?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: I lost my independency when I got married 47 years ago.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: And guess what?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: We don't talk about politics.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: I lost my religion and there is no sex.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Please don't get me into trouble.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Keep looking around.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: You're surrounded.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: Please let me change the subject.
• 13:27
  unknown: Oh, okay.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: I like being here.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: That's good because you might be here a long time.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, shut the hell up! This is not my idea.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: Good evening, Walter.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Do I look like Walter?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you look like a Walter Frankenstein.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, then call me Frankenstein.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: All right, Frankenstein, you look good.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: I look like a cross between Hillary Clinton and the Hulk.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: No offense, Hulk.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: If you don't like the costume, then why'd you pick this one?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_03: Where's a pulse of dresses, whatever scared us as a kid.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: So for you that was Frankenstein.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, it was a Catholic priest.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_03: But everybody gets mad when I offend the Mexicans.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Walter, technically you're not really Frankenstein.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, most people don't realize this, but the monster was the monster, and Frankenstein was actually the doctor.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you, Professor Google's too fucking luck.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you should you should tweet that.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: How about that?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Then you can tweet, I'm the huge dork.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: Frowny face, hashtag dumbass.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'll take things that will never get you laid for 500, Alex.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with you tonight?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: Uh take a guess.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: Is your wife okay?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly right.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: Wait a minute, your wife is happy and healthy, and she's always in a good mood.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: I know, and it's the worst in the mornings.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: Good God.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, oh good morning, sunshine.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Holy crap.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Makes me want to drop kicker frickin' poodle.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Morning, honey!
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's a kick-ass data.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: I should shove the stick in that dog's ass and use it to clean the toilets.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, if you're in Australia, in the I thought your marriage was solid.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_03: It is, in a constipated kind of way.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: But you still love each other.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, the love changes when you get older.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you go from wanting to make out in a car to wanting to run over each other with a car.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: You go from I was struck by Cupidero to maybe she'll get hit by a frickin' Camaro.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: From holy and love me to kiss my ass and die, bitch.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's awful.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: And what about life after death?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Huh?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Some people think that even after death, you're still together for all of eternity.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm pretty sure you just told me to go to hell.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: Back to the monster stuff.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: Is there any particular movie that scares you?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the film of my wedding.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: But if I'm depressed, I watch it backwards.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: You get it?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: She walks away.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, you love your wife.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: And at our wedding, when she came walking down the aisle with that giant hair and all that makeup, I felt like yelling, it's alive! It's alive! So how'd the service go?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Well, the worst part was when the minister asked if anyone objected and no one would listen to me.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe they couldn't hear you.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, alright.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: You weren't there.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know what scares me now?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: What medical websites where you enter your symptoms and it tells you what you have.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: Are you sick?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think so.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: What do you have?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, pretty much narrowed down to a uterus infection.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: Or mesothelioma.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Misothelioma, you get that from asbestos.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: That's what peanut is made out of.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: What do you sniffing peanut?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's lonely on the road, Chev.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Walter, just once, I think you should try being happy.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: You're an idiot.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell is wrong with you?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: When I call you an idiot and you smile like I gave you cake.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_03: Do you want to be in a good mood?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: Not if I look like a moron like you, no, thank you.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: I've seen you walk by perfect strangers and go, oh hello, how are you?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: So that makes mothers hide their children from you.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: You don't think I should be nice to strangers.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, even dog sniff assholes first.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe you should try that.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, there are those little idiot dogs that when they see anyone, they jump all around and then pee on themselves.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: You ever felt like doing that?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's not gonna happen.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you might not jump all around, but when you get my age, you'll piss on yourself.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: I hate being cold.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: I even got cold in Vegas last week.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Vegas, yeah, you took your wife there.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Vegas has become a great vacation spot for families.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, sure.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: That makes sense.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: Take the family to Vegas.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: Cause kids love whores.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: Look, mommy, there's a place with holes like where you used to work.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: So that's it, huh?
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's what?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: All those years of being married and now it's over.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: So all those years of raising the girls and now the family's broken up.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: So no more marriage?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Nope.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: No more life.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: What's it like?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, please let me live vicariously through you.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, divorce is not a good thing.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you can't lie to the asshole.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: So what happened?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: What happened, Walter, is that unfortunately in our country these days, more than 50% of marriages now end in divorce, and sadly, mine was on that side of things.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Jeff, I never thought I'd say this to you, but you're my hero.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, what's it like to wake up in the morning and not hate your life?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: To not think, oh, here she comes.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: You can leave your toilet seat up all the time.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'd hot blue mine open for God's sakes.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: And then shit in the backyard.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Just because I could.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, divorce is painful.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, like a deep tissue massage.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: So how long's it been?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: Well almost three years now.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: So you dating anybody now?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: Matter of fact, I am.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh good.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Female.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_03: Honey, I got bad news and I got good news.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: The bad news is I want to divorce.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: Good news is I'm on your team now.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, do you make fun of your wife a lot?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: I know it's funny as hell, isn't it?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know, your wife is supposed to be your soulmate.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: You want to be the pot or the kettle?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I saw an old photo of you and your wife.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: Your wife's quite beautiful.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: I saw an old photo.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm kidding.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: I married a petite young beautiful thing.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: She's illegitimally eaten by the woman I live with now.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: You're just flat out saying your wife's overweight.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, no, no, no, no.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: She's under tall.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had a weight problem?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_03: Only when she sat on me.
• 23:09
  unknown: Get off of me.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, it's more like this.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hello?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's dark in here.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: I found your keys.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Keys, keys.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: I am not kidding.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: Then she farted and unlocked the car doors.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: What does your wife think when you do things like this?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I know you care enough about your wife to take her on some of these trips.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: I know she loves going on these trips.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: I know she loves window shopping, but not in Amsterdam she did.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because in Amsterdam there's hookers in the windows.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: I love that city.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know that in Amsterdam you can legally purchase marijuana?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know that.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: Do you know where?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: Coffee houses.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: Coffee houses.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's my favorite coffee place ever.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like a latte in a doody.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: And 19 dozen donuts, thank you.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: How you doing, Walter?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell happened to your hair?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: Looks like you're in a frickin' car wreck.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they said it makes me look hip.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: I think it makes you look homeless.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: Been in DC for two days and you're already frickin' homeless.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: Holy crap.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, Walter, do you like being in DC?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, there's nothing quite like being mugged in our nation's capital.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, there's a lot of excitement that goes on here in Washington, D.C.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I know, yeah.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: What happens in DC stays on YouTube.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: So you're saying you don't like being in D.C.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, I like it.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_03: I get screwed on my taxes every year, so it's fun to come visit the source.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you do for fun today?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_03: I stood in front of the IRS building, just slipped them off.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: Did you go to the White House?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, that's where the most powerful man in the free world lives.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: Ultra.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with you tonight?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just pissed.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to go home.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: I think my house is haunted.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you think that?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: My wife is there.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_03: I walk in the front door and all I hear is, get out.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_03: You guys got another argument on the phone today, didn't you?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you heard a little bit of that, did you?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: I hung up on her.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: Not good, no.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: She called right back and she goes, Did you hang up on me?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: I said, I don't know, it sounds something like this, Click.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: Did that make her angry?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I felt a disturbance in the force.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_03: You ever made it that mad when you're standing right in front of her?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: What'd you do?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, my mother always told me when you're in a gym and don't know what to do, you should think, what would Jesus do?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: So I tried to turn her into a fish.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: I stood there going, big on Satan.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, shamel.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Lee Shamu has only one blue hole.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: Screw you, that was funny.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: Look, it's a TIA I see you.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: We can all see you.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the show looks a lot better from the fraud.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_03: Is the director drunk?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell?
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: Come back, come back, let me see in there.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_03: This is Comedy Central.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_03: I can see Cartland.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: I can see Kenny.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he just got killed.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: So, Waldo, you guys have been married a long time.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: Ups and downs in every marriage.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_03: You ever been to any marriage counseling?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: What'd that do for you?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: Look at me.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm happy.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, what were the results of the counseling?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, at the end of it all, there were two folks who thought I was an ass.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm paying both of them.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: But you're happy to be here.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, sure.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_03: Better than last week.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_03: Last week, yeah, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: We were there.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you didn't like that?
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone in Fort Lauderdale, Florida looks exactly like me.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: I swear it's like one giant nursing hall.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_03: What isn't that Fort Lauderdale is where they tape a lot of those Girls Gone Wild videos?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's only during spring break.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the rest of the time it's girls gone saggy.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's just girls gone.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't like the weather there either.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, even in the middle of winter, it's uh humid as hell and hot as hell.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_03: We got there.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: I took a shower on Monday.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_03: Friday's still not dry.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: I swear I do moss on my ass.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you said the the weather changes too quickly.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know it changes fast everywhere else in the country, but in Florida it's ridiculous.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_03: What are you talking about?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, I was standing there on the beach in the sunshine, having little iced tea.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: I looked over and I go, ooh, look a little cloud.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: About three minutes later, holy cra! The locals are hanging on to the palm trees.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_03: We love it here.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: You dumbasses.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: I say leave it to the Cubans and get the hell out.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so you want someplace a little cooler.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, do you remember uh we went to Green Bay, Wisconsin?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Incendiary, it was negative 20 with a negative 30 wind chill.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'd get on stage every night and I'd say, you people are idiots.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know the borders are open?
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: Pack up your suburban and get the hell out.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: And another thing, Green Bay Packers Stadium.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: What's it called?
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_03: Lambo field.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: Lambo field, no roof.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: Hello.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: How many weekends during football season is good weather in Green Bay?
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: That would be none.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Note to self build a fricking roof.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: We have the technology.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_03: You talk to the locals in Green Day, what do they say?
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: We love it here.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: We're a hardy people.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_03: Bunch of frozen dumbasses.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_03: All right, Walter.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: What about uh you want you don't like the humidity, you don't like the extreme cold, you want some place warmer and drier.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: How about uh when we say in August, we are in Phoenix.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_03: August in Phoenix, Arizona.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_03: Your agent is a laurel.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_03: It was 112 three days in a row.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_03: What all the locals say that it's a dry heap.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: Screw you! A bonfire's a dry heap.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: You don't see me sticking my ass in one of those, do you?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: Your ass is on fire.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's a dry heap.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_03: I was in Florida, I gotta learn not the frickin' moss! All right, did you enjoy being in New York City?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love New York City.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that was great.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_03: We'd do shows in Manhattan.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: About midnight, we'd get back to the hotel.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_03: 1 a.m.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'd lay my head on the pillow and listen to the sounds of the city.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_03: Woo-hoo!
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: I love them!
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god! The city that never sleeps.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it needs a frickin' nap.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, you have effectively eliminated about every corner of the country.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what about where we live?
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: Uh people love the weather in Southern California.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, then at least with Florida and hurricanes, you got a little notice.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_03: You turn on the news and say you have three days to get the hell out.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_03: So?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, in LA we got earthquakes.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_03: We don't know Jack.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: One morning you're gonna be sitting on the toilet and all of a sudden, oh there's crap flying around the house.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: We love it here.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_03: You're a dumbass too.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_03: Remember that last big earthquake we had?
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: Bad timing on that earthquake.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_03: How's that?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_03: Not two seconds before it hit, I told my grandson to pull my finger.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: He pulled it out forward and half neighborhood fell down.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_03: That kid hasn't come near me since.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_03: Other day I cracked my knuckles and he dove under the couch.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_03: What was that?
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we're in DC, that was a veto.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: Waldrey, happy to be here.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh joy! Last week I was lying on a beach in Maui and I couldn't decide, gee, should I stay in Hawaii or go to frickin' Santa Ana?
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_03: My god, I can die happy now.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_03: Fine city, I don't give a damn.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with you?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's hot as hell outside.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_03: My skin's all dry and itchy.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_03: You put me in a sweater.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_03: Sure as hell not gonna ask you for lotion.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you you don't have to do this.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I could get a real job.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_03: What would you do?
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be a greeter at Walmart.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell's so funny?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: At Walmart, what would be your opening line?
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, welcome to Walmart.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_03: Get your shit and get out.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_03: Have a nice day.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_03: Anything else wrong?
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: My wife and I couldn't find any place to park anywhere near this stinking joint.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_03: And some jerk pulled up in a brand new Mercedes, goes right in the handicapped spot.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_03: He got out of the car and there's nothing wrong with him.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you hate that?
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I ran his ass over.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_03: I made an honest man out of him.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_03: And his mother got out the other side and started swinging her crutches at me.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_03: Took her out with the door.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you feel kinda bad?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh hell in carpool.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_03: Good thing the police didn't see you.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: I ain't afraid of the cops around Santa Ann.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_03: You seen some of these guys?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: Cops on bicycles?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with that?
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_03: How intimidating is this?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, Luddy, political ging.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_03: What are they doing?
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_03: They arrest somebody.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_03: All right, in the basket.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, ladies.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what that does.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you can tell the rookie cuffs they got playing cards in their spokes.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: So your wife's in town?
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_03: She having a good time?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_03: She always has a good time.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_03: Pisses me off.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_03: She's a lovely lady.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: She's getting old.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, but women age like like fine wine.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: She's aging like milk.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_03: You guys get another argument this morning?
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what happened?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_03: She rolled out of dead junked on her menstrual cycle and ran my ass over.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: Never heard it put quite that way before.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it even has a sound.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_03: It goes nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag snitch.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: How long you been married?
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, what is it now?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_03: Uh forty-six years.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_03: Ah.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_03: What was the happiest moment of your life?
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_03: Forty-seven years ago.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_03: How long you been married?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh fifteen years.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_03: You'll see.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'll see what.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_03: Remember when you said till death do us apart?
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_03: Later you'll realize you're actually setting a goal.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, what exactly is marriage to you?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's like drinking a slurpee.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_03: A slurpee.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_03: The first couple of sense, like, boy, it's really good, I'm glad I did this.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_03: And you keep drinking, it goes right to your head, and you go, ah, wow, ow, ow.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: What the hell was I thinking?
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Someone kill me, please! It eventually stops hurting.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, then you're stupid enough taking out a freaking sap.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't the same anymore, is it?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_03: What being married all these years, wait, you can't look at other women now, you can't talk to them, you can't do nothing.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_03: What are you talking about?
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'll show you what I'm talking about.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: See this lovely young lady sitting right here in the front row.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this gorgeous young thing.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, do you see her?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, do you see her?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh well.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_03: Only thing you can do now is run to the end of your chain and bark.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_03: Getting married's kind of like buying a new car, a new car.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know when you see that car on the showroom floor just before you take it home?
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's as good as it's ever gonna look.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty soon it'll have dents and scratches, parts start to go bad, then the new models come out, you're like, oh no, can I just sit in it?
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: Don't remember.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_03: Walter, how's the love life?
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: You think sex, yeah?
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm married, you moron.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm too old, too.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: You're not too old.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_03: How would you know?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, but I do know I had grandparents who, well, into their 80s, we're still having fun.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_03: Their 80s, yeah, good god.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_03: What the hell kind of sex is that?
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: Was it good for you?
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: We just finished, yeah.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: Who are you?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_03: Well, if you're trying to tell me there's nothing sexually going on between you and your wife, it's very difficult.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_03: She grits about everything.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like what?
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she said I don't make the right noises during sex.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry to hear that.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_03: Wanna hear what I do?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_03: No, no.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_03: All right, you talk me into it.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_03: Now, wait a minute.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_03: Now be careful, these are gonna be kind of pornographic.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_03: Get off.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_03: I can't see the weather channel!
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: Get the hell off! Oh now that's funny!
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, no, it's not.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Walter, I know you know better than I do, but I mean, is there any kind of foreplay for you guys?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_03: Foreplay at our age?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's come down to, hey, wake up.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know what oral sex for us is?
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she screamed, screw you, and I yelled bitely.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, Walter, at your age, how do you how do you keep things fresh in the bedroom?
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_03: The breeze?
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_03: My wife and I heard it.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_03: Coffee's good for your sex life.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_03: Coffee, yeah, is it?
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_03: No, it kept me awake through the whole damn thing.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_03: I actually had to participate.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_03: Doctor said it's stats in my heart, too.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_03: All the caffeine.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_03: No, seeing my wife naked.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's awful.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you've seen her too.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_03: So is coffee good for the sex life or not?
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, that they're never gonna let us stack into that Star Lux again.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we used the filter with that.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Walter, despite how you act, I bet when you were younger you were quite a ladies' man.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_03: I used to chase skirts all over the world, really, till I got to Scotland, and boy was I surprised.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_03: She had women everywhere.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_03: I dated a girl in India.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: Really.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: Lovely young lady.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_03: Weird ass country.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with India?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: Mosa Lyndon got a red dot in the middle of her forehead.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_03: The hell is that?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_03: You are here.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it lights up when the coffee's ready.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_03: Scratch it off, you frickin' win something.