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Face Off With Your Feelings with Jessica Hottle · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

• 0:02
  Hi listeners. Welcome to the.
• 0:04
  She speaks live podcast a weekly encouragement where we share our
• 0:09
  God's stories. I'm your host.
• 0:12
  Jamie Elizabeth and I am so glad you are spending time with us
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  today to listen. Hi there.
• 0:21
  I'm so glad you chose to listen to today's.
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  Episode with me is author and fitness coach, Jessica hottel.
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  She is sharing with us all about our emotions and how to process
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  them. The best way possible.
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  Her book called face off with your feelings, break up with the
• 0:41
  lies from your past and embrace Truth for your future was
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  recently released and we get to hear from On how to create a
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  space to heal, after we've been hurt and five steps to process.
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  Our emotions along with her telling us how we can reinforce
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  that our feelings are always safe with God.
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  She is also a host of her own podcast called what's the truth
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  that challenges, the listeners on how to think so that they can
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  change the way they live. She's a big Advocate with
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  helping women know their worth and teach them how to be
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  emotionally spiritually and physically healthy while keeping
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  God first in their life. Hi Jessica.
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  I'm so happy you're here today. I am really excited to be
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  talking with you and your audience today.
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  Yes. Well, this is a big one emotions
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  and I would call myself more of a sensitive gal.
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  So I have a lot of emotions that I go through and the summer for
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  sure. A lot of transition a lot of
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  hurts that need to be healed in my own life so I am looking
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  forward to sharing a little bit about yourself and why.
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  Emotions with you? Where does that testimony begin?
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  I think it really begins from the beginning.
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  I think it begins from my Childhood and kind of walking
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  through what my past look like what?
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  How I was raised by my parents. The things I didn't receive the
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  things that I tried to go out and find myself, which really
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  just dealt with, you know, feeling love, feeling seen
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  feeling heard and that kind of equated into my relationship
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  with men and then into my business and how I ran my
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  business. And then it really went into my
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  body. And so you can see that there is
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  basically what I was feeling inside, I was grasping by
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  straws, to figure it out through an external resource.
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  What more can I do? You know, as far as working out
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  making my body look good. Who could I date?
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  Who could I find to be with me? What more could I do in my work
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  to kind of satisfy? This feeling that I was having
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  that needed to be resolved and, you know, just growing up the
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  way that I did and into my 20s? I I carried a lot of anger,
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  resentment bitterness and I just thought the world had owed me,
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  something for my pain. And I think that's why I get so
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  passionate now because you know, the Lord is so kind and his word
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  to talk about forgiveness and unforgiveness and we know the
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  works of the Flesh and the fruit of the spirit.
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  And I think so many people think that we're not allowed to have
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  feelings and we've been we've been maybe been told that
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  feelings are bad, but feelings are just Indicators and feelings
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  are not a sin, but feelings can lead us to sin.
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  And I think there's a very different.
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  There's a drastic difference between those two statements and
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  it's how we handle them and how we process them.
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  And yes, hatred and anger, those can be works of the flesh, but I
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  think those are also that invitation that hey, there is
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  something that the father needs to heal here.
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  And that's why I'm passionate about this topic now.
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  Because I had a heel so much of my past and I saw how it
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  influenced my relationships myself, my own future, and just
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  the unhealthiness in my own body.
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  Mmm, Yeah, so good. Well, talk to us about that
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  space to heal after you've been hurt like go through.
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  Okay. We've got I think you said the
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  feelings are indicator of an emotion go.
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  Into that because I think we get confused with feeling emotion.
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  Is it the same? Is it separate?
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  And then the space, you need to heal after you've been hurt and
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  your five step process on how to heal from her emotions.
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  I often use those two words interchangeably all the time and
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  I think we do as well. And for me, I just started doing
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  kind of some research, you know, year and a half or so.
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  So ago of just, what is the difference?
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  I keep saying, I have these feelings and then we talk about
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  emotions, and I think the easiest way because I'm all
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  about practical, you know, I in the book, I talk about clinical
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  and biblical to make it practical because I'm not a
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  neuroscientist. And some of that is so hard for
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  me to understand and I want to be able to come alongside women
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  and help them understand at the most basic level as well.
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  So, I'm talking in layman terms here.
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  And so, when I think about emotions, I want you to think
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  that it's just Physical response that you feel in your body,
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  meaning Palms, sweating, heart racing stomach uneasy, you feel
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  it in your body. Yeah.
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  Before you ever feel it consciously.
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  So you I want to say you experience it in your body which
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  is the emotion and then your the feeling is the conscious
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  experience of the emotion. So the emotion happens first and
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  then your now you become We're so the emotion is the chemical,
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  it's the information communicating throughout the
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  rest of your body, telling it what it needs to do and then
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  you're feeling becomes that conscious.
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  Like, oh now I'm aware that I'm angry or sad or joyful versus
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  you're going to feel it in your body first.
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  So that makes sense. Yes, that's so good.
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  You articulated that so well. I mean because I think we do
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  just get confused. Is that the same meaning as it?
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  And I go back to The Summer where I felt extremely hurt by
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  somebody. And then when I saw them, my
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  whole body, just totally reacted.
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  And then I'm able to process the, you know, thinking the mind
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  of the feeling's, right? My body responded.
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  Then came, you know what? You said with thinking and
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  having it in your mind is the, the feeling, right?
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  Yeah. So I love that that Is so right
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  on and true, okay, share with us like the five steps.
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  I know you probably have this in your book but it gets teach us
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  on the process, our emotions. Well, yeah, I think to kind of
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  go into the five-step process talking about feelings and
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  emotions. And you use a great example of,
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  you know, you were hurt by this person and maybe you see that
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  person again, and it just triggers you and I was sometimes
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  we have Rage or a Gary, I feel like it's like a fire that goes
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  in our bodies. This uneasiness.
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  We just like we feel like we want to fight somebody almost
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  because we just feel upset and we're trying to figure that out.
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  But what happens is, I'll just take you through this quickly.
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  And inside the book, I break it down a lot more, but I call it
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  just a thought pattern. And I actually talked about this
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  on Instagram at the time of this recording.
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  I actually posted about it. Today, you can follow me on
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  Instagram at Jessica hot oil, but I talked about how we get
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  triggered. And internally or externally.
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  So you see things that you seeing that person that hurt
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  you, that becomes the trigger to set in the into motion.
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  The belief about the trigger. So you've already carried a
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  belief about this person, which was the trigger, which then
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  responded to the emotion and this all happens within seconds.
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  Yeah, right. And so the emotion happens based
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  on the belief based on the trigger and then the feeling
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  comes right now, you're conscious of it.
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  And then the reaction comes. So we have this thought pattern,
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  and I think they say an emotion can last about six seconds.
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  Meaning, you can feel the sweaty Palms, you can feel the uneasy
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  stomach but your feelings can last a long time, meaning you
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  just keep meditating on it, meditating on it even if you
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  don't have sweaty Palms anymore, even if you don't have an upset
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  stomach or your heart isn't racing but you are still
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  thinking about it. That's why feelings can last a
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  Long time, but the emotion is only a short time.
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  So you have a trigger, a belief about the trigger, the emotion,
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  the feeling, and then the reaction.
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  Mmm, so good. You know, what God says in his
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  word, you know, to forgive others, you know?
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  Because God forgives us. So a lot of that is not just a
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  one-time deal where you're just forgiving that person, you know,
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  and you're done, it can take again.
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  And you know, another time and another time to keep forgiving
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  that person till God really starts to work on your heart and
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  he'll those broken places. And you know because I think
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  sometimes we think oh well I prayed and you know, I forgive
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  that person but you know sometimes we got to just keep
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  asking God and keep telling the Lord thank you.
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  I forgive that person as you know, are so that are feeling
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  start to catch up with what the Words are coming out of our
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  mouth, right? And I think you really said it
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  is that so many people they think they shouldn't feel that
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  way. And so what happens is when you
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  don't when you think that you shouldn't feel that way, you
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  start to feel shame for what you feel, and then what happens is
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  you just try to put a, I call it a faith Band-Aid, because
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  scripture is true. It's our solid foundation.
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  However, it's not meant to be a Band-Aid, it's meant for
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  transformation. Yeah.
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  And we often use it as. I'm just gonna go to my Bible
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  and find this first Okay tells me to forgive people, this is
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  great, but what happens is that it never actually transforms our
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  heart and we cannot continue to ignore a situation, A Feeling an
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  event as if it didn't happen and just try to shove it down.
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  It's almost like if you think of a wave building its momentum
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  before it crashes and then it can just drown anything or
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  destroy anything after that Peak, right?
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  It's Very much like our emotions are emotions.
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  They build. They build they build, and then
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  they start to Peak, and then it crashes and anything in our
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  path. What do we tend to do?
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  We destroy? We tear down.
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  We suffocate and it's even like I've heard somebody describe it
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  like a beach ball. You cannot shove a beach ball
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  under water for very long, like, you can, but it had what it's
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  exhausting, right? Right.
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  And what happens when we do that it, we do that with our
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  emotions. Mmm.
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  Then we do with our feelings. We try to act as though they
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  don't exist as if we don't have sweaty palms or a heart racing.
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  And so it's not just, I'm going to forgive this person.
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  It's like you said, it's this continual change of heart.
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  It's this repentance on your behalf and it's also this
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  reality that you can't change them, but you can change you,
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  you can change your heart. You can repent of the things
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  that you said or done or gossiped about like let's just
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  be honest guys. You know, like that you've got
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  something about that. You You may be done that, you
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  shouldn't have done or reacted based on feelings because that
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  to me, it's just responsibility and is humility.
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  You're just saying, man. I know that I want to do better
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  here, and this person that really hurt, it's bringing both.
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  It's bringing scripture and God. And it's also saying God, here
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  is what I'm dealing with, it's not yeah.
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  Either or you don't have to choose between your experience
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  or God. He's saying just choose me and I
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  get all of you with that. Mmm.
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  Yeah, that's so good, I know. Definitely, for sure when I
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  started just bringing all the emotions to the Lord, and
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  everything that I was feeling, I was just given it to him.
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  And I know that takes us into you talking about how our
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  feelings are always safe with God.
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  And I feel like that is such the first step of the healing
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  process when I'm not holding back because I mean, let's face
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  it ladies condos what we're feeling.
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  He knows our heart, he knows everything already.
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  So what are we trying to hide from him?
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  And even, you know, if you're feeling bad or shameful like
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  you're saying to feel this way, just let it out.
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  I God, oh II feel bad. I'm feeling this way, but I
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  can't help but feeling hurt and I can't help from feeling, you
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  know, this and angry and resentment and bitterness and
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  everything that you are feeling God wants to just have you.
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  Is it to him because that there's something about us,
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  voicing that out, and God part of the healing process and it's
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  like, you reveal, you heal. I like that thing that I always
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  hear. And it's so true because the
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  more we suppress it, and keep it in the dark and and pretend, oh,
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  it's going to go away and never does, you're just hurting
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  yourself if anything and you got to bring it up out of the surf.
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  Office and God is the best person to come to First with all
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  of that. I think it's important.
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  Something that was really important for me because I lived
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  in fight or flight mode for most of my life.
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  Meaning just surviving one task to the next and I don't think we
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  realized that we're living in this way, but it's that constant
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  state of. I'm so busy.
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  I'm so busy. Your days are booked to the max.
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  You don't know how to rest, or if you fall.
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  If you lay down in bed, you're out in a second, or you watch.
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  Movie or whatever it is, you're just constantly exhausted but
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  you push through and there are seasons where we feel like we
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  there's just a little bit more going on, right?
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  Yeah. And there's so much grace for
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  that, but it's when we intentionally choose to do
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  things outside of honoring, the things that we need to be, that
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  makes sense. We say yes to things we don't
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  have boundaries, and that's what happens when we don't create
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  that margin. Create that space.
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  It's to honor the season that were in to be able to process
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  our feelings and emotions because we end up burying our
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  emotions. And what happens is that just
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  because you bury them or you bury your feelings or your
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  experiences, all that means is that you bury them alive, so so
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  good. Everything is still active in
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  your body. What's going to happen is that I
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  hate to use this word manifest because it's new agey, but it's
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  not like you're going to start now to feel Manifestation in
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  your body, tight neck lower back, pain of the works of the
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  flesh, the anger, the hatred, the things that you've
• 15:58
  experienced. You're going to feel it in your
• 16:00
  body because your body works as one the more we can understand
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  that that diet food, trauma reading, the word, all of that
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  goes together and works in your body at the same time.
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  So your body is constantly trying to take care of you.
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  I know I I had to take several months off, you know, we went on
• 16:23
  vacation July and then all of a sudden just a bunch of things
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  just hit us when we came back from vacation and it just felt
• 16:33
  like everything was just crashing down around us.
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  And I really felt like the Lord was just saying you just need to
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  rest and it's my first time to actually feel what it meant to
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  really. Truly rest, it wasn't just oh,
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  we do that on a Sunday or we do not a Saturday, or we go on
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  vacation and we have a rest. This was just like, you're not
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  doing anything which was very counterculture to what I like to
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  do. I'm a doer.
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  So for the Lord just to say, you sit me still, you're not doing
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  anything but pressing into me. And then, in your mind, you have
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  a timeline like, Oh, by August, I'll be good or, you know, I'll
• 17:19
  start doing my things again or September and every month that
• 17:24
  went by. I just knew the Lord was like no
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  you still need to sit with me and have healing.
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  You still need to sit with me and have time so that I can
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  completely heal you so that you can go out and pour out to
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  others, you know. It's hard for you to pour out if
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  you're not being poured into an aren't healing in those broken
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  places. So Really was a three-month
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  sabbatical of, you know, no podcasting, no nothing, you are
• 17:57
  just gonna sit with God and let him heal you.
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  So that's good and I think to we hear narratives that narratives
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  like time will heal. All right great and we say that
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  in our pain you were like time is going to heal and I have to
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  just say that is such a lie because 20 years can go by By
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  and you are still carrying, anger, resentment, bitterness.
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  It's just not at the Forefront of your mind anymore, right?
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  Guess what? If you see that person, you
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  smell a smell or you hear a song, what happens?
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  You go right back to those moment and the anger comes which
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  tells us what you just buried alive.
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  And I think I like to say time doesn't heal but you heal in
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  time, it's an intentional choice to choose a different thought to
• 18:48
  choose a different way. In the book, I talk about a
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  train switch where, you know, a train is going on its path.
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  And then the train switch, no matter how hard it is a pull
• 18:59
  that lever, it turns the train and goes on a completely
• 19:03
  different path. So when's that lever is pulled
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  or that everyone looks different.
• 19:08
  I've noticed on train tracks but whenever that lever we're going
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  to say is pulled that train is going to go on a different
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  direction in our thoughts are like that, we have to interrupt
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  them and be intentional about that.
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  Pursuit to change their course, and change their Direction.
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  And I think that it's more than just thinking positive.
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  It's not just saying, we'll just think positive about this, you
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  know, because most of the time, it's it's beyond just writing
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  affirmations down, and I'm sorry if that like, burst of bubbles,
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  but it's more than that, that firms using scripture is going
• 19:39
  to affirm. We want that to be in our
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  mouths, in our hearts, but we also have to live it out.
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  What does it look like to live this scripture out how By
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  choosing forgiveness. How am I not choosing a fence?
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  How am I not repaying evil for evil?
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  How am I cling to? What is good?
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  Those are things that we get to live out which actually changes
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  our heart. Yeah, that's so good.
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  So, living it out, like, put it in an example, like you got hurt
• 20:11
  by something. What are some?
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  I don't know action. Steps of actually living it out
• 20:17
  that you can just maybe. Scribe in a tangible way.
• 20:21
  Yeah, let's talk about the Forgiveness peace.
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  So when we mess up with a friend or a spouse, one of the things,
• 20:28
  like, even just the other day, I had just like Snapped at my
• 20:32
  husband don't even know where it came from.
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  Honestly, I was thinking about it and I'm like, I don't even
• 20:37
  know why he got in the shower and he came out.
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  And while he was in the shower, I just was thinking like he
• 20:42
  didn't deserve that. And so, for me to walk out that
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  forgiveness, I said when he got a I said I'm so sorry.
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  You did not deserve for me to yell at you that way.
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  Will you forgive me? And this is what it looks like
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  to. Walk it out with your friends.
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  Your children, super important to walk it out with children and
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  I don't have children, but I only say that because of the
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  experience that I had or didn't have I should say.
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  Yeah. Of that.
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  Takes humility. It takes.
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  Wow. Like I was wrong.
• 21:15
  He did not deserve for me to be yelled at for me to you.
• 21:19
  Yell at him that way he did nothing really wrong.
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  He just asked me a question and it frustrated me.
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  Yeah but that just is an example of I get to do what is good?
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  I get to see the good in him. I get to honor him and I get to
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  say that I was wrong and I didn't get it right?
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  And then I get to ask for forgiveness and that and then
• 21:40
  cling to what is good. I was think back to reason and I
• 21:45
  just had a conversation with my friend and I kept telling I
• 21:49
  said, put their thinking emotionally, they're in their
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  feelings right now. We just have to help them get
• 21:54
  back to reason and so whenever something happens we tend to go
• 21:59
  we kind of spiral right? The enemy comes in and he's
• 22:02
  like, oh my gosh, she hates you, she doesn't want to be like your
• 22:06
  friend. And so I'll use my best friend,
• 22:07
  an example, just what different things happening in the church,
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  our church, and her life, and my life, and just some things
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  happening in conversations and private things.
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  Things. She just started to feel like as
• 22:21
  though maybe I was pulling away from her and then because it
• 22:27
  maybe it was a text. I didn't respond to you right
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  away or something that happened in her day, and she started to
• 22:32
  feel that I was pulling away. And so for me, she's in her
• 22:37
  feelings right now. She believes that I'm pulling
• 22:39
  away as a friend. And so I come to her and I just,
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  I remind her that even in your feelings, I want you to remember
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  what is right and true. So that she Cling on to true so
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  that she knows that I love you. I care for you, I'm here for
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  you. This is what it looks like to
• 22:56
  cling to what is good even when you're feeling sad or
• 23:01
  frustrated, or whatever it is. And then most practical way I'm
• 23:05
  trying to use practical examples of when somebody else is kind of
• 23:10
  in their feelings and I don't want to say spiraling but the
• 23:12
  enemy is just coming in and using everything in their life,
• 23:15
  it goes back to. I'm going to cling to what is
• 23:18
  good. I know that she loves Me, I know
• 23:19
  that she cares for me. I know that she was there for
• 23:22
  me. That is clinging to what is
• 23:24
  good. You're clinging to the truth.
• 23:27
  And so I think that just to practice examples that I live
• 23:31
  out every single day, between my husband and my best friend, our
• 23:34
  church things that we've walkthrough is what is the
• 23:38
  truth? Despite what I'm feeling,
• 23:40
  because I both go together. I'm feeling sad and feeling
• 23:42
  frustrated, however, I know that this person probably isn't aware
• 23:48
  that they're handling it. This way that their personality
• 23:52
  is so different than mine, what are the truths about the
• 23:55
  situation? Because that's where I need to
• 23:57
  go back to reason and logic as I'm experiencing my feelings at
• 24:01
  the same time. Mmm, so good.
• 24:05
  What comes to mind? Is that scripture verse and I
• 24:07
  just read it this morning, think on everything, that's lovely.
• 24:11
  Pure Noble, authentic truth and think the best in people and
• 24:19
  it's how I forget where it was from but Paul writes it.
• 24:22
  And and so I was just taking that in that scripture verse in
• 24:28
  just this morning and how timely that is when you just talked
• 24:32
  about thing. Being of the truth about people
• 24:36
  and, and the best of them and, and keeping your thoughts.
• 24:41
  Pure lovely Noble. Not fantastic.
• 24:43
  So very cool. So anything else that you would
• 24:47
  love to leave us with a takeaway as Speak Life to us here.
• 24:52
  So the listeners can ponder on when they're done listening to
• 24:57
  your terrific story here. I think the most important thing
• 25:01
  it will to is that your feelings matter.
• 25:03
  Sir, because you matter to God, and oftentimes, we put God into
• 25:08
  like, he's either or you know, it's, you know, even faith in
• 25:12
  doubt. Like they both accompany each
• 25:14
  other. It's not, if you have doubt,
• 25:16
  will you must not be a good believer.
• 25:17
  It's they both accompany each other.
• 25:19
  You're going to wrestle. You're going to ask questions,
• 25:22
  so God is not either or is that making you choose between him or
• 25:25
  your feelings? He's not making, you choose
• 25:28
  between being perfect or messing up.
• 25:31
  He's just saying, will you come to me?
• 25:33
  Everything that you have, we see in Matthew 6:33 seek first, the
• 25:37
  kingdom and everything will be added into you.
• 25:39
  I think that it's just that part that process of seeking him
• 25:44
  being honest and being real and not trying to shrink back and
• 25:48
  hide. Because you think that, you
• 25:50
  know, God's going to condemn you or, you know, I'm even sorry if
• 25:53
  people have told you in the church that you need to get your
• 25:56
  act together. And your sin isn't welcomed here
• 25:59
  and things like that, that I know that are happening in the
• 26:02
  church. I've seen it happened from
• 26:03
  Women, I've talked to and worked with and 11 coaching and stuff.
• 26:07
  And so, I just want to say, like, God's not either or he's
• 26:09
  both. And, and if we want to have this
• 26:12
  really full connection with a father, it's not just about how
• 26:15
  much knowledge you have of him. It's about the relationship with
• 26:21
  him and how do we build relationships on Earth?
• 26:24
  It's over time it's question. It's seeking its asking and
• 26:29
  repentance. Right.
• 26:30
  Repentance like Father it man I got it wrong.
• 26:34
  And to continue that repentance just like we do here on Earth as
• 26:38
  asking people to forgive us. So I think that those two things
• 26:40
  are so important to me. Mmm, so good.
• 26:43
  Yeah, I think communication is key with everything, right?
• 26:47
  Yeah. I always say you can never over
• 26:49
  communicate, you can't and I think that would save a lot of
• 26:54
  her if we just could communicate a lot better and this Earth.
• 26:58
  So thank you, Jessica. Where can people connect with
• 27:02
  you and get your book? Look.
• 27:04
  I know it's so good. I can't wait for everyone to
• 27:07
  grab it. I love for you to hang out with
• 27:10
  me on Instagram, that's where I hang out.
• 27:12
  The most Jessica huddle and you can go to Jessica.com, find all
• 27:17
  the details, out about the book and pick up your copy, their
• 27:21
  awesome. Well, thanks for coming on here
• 27:24
  and sharing about emotions and how we can process it in a
• 27:27
  better way. Thanks so much for having me.
• 27:30
  It's been fun. Thank you so much for listening
• 27:35
  today. I trust that God has encouraged
• 27:38
  you through this message for more information on this
• 27:42
  ministry and to access free downloads.
• 27:45
  Please visit my website at Jamie Elizabeth.com and sign up.
• 27:51
  You can also find me on Instagram and Facebook at Jamie
• 27:56
  Elizabeth she speaks life, that's ja.
• 28:01
  Why mea Elizabeth, she speaks life.
• 28:06
  Until next time, my friends. I pray God reveals himself
• 28:10
  through your own life story.