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Why Narcissistic Mothers NEVER CHANGE | Diagnosed Narcissist Perspective · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people.
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  Lee Hammock, your favorite? You can't have a favorite
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  diagnosed self aware narcissist here with another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code slash mental illness podcast out today.
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  We're talking about narcissistic mothers, the infamous
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  narcissistic mother. Now I know when most of y'all
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  hear the term motherhood, you think of unconditional love,
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  sacrifice. It's somebody being there for
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  you, a safe space and whatnot. But narcissistic mothers tend to
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  be your first predator, your first bully, right?
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  Because they don't sacrifice. They don't give you
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  unconditional love. Everything from a narcissistic
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  mom is transactional. It it absolutely is.
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  It's a tool like today I'm going to give you the perspective of a
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  narcissistic parent and how narcissist view you, especially
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  a narcissistic mother, how they view you, why that narcissistic
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  mother treats her sons and daughters differently, and why
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  you feel like you're dying every time you try to set a boundary.
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  Y'all, first of all, shout out to the young lady who
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  recommended this topic to me on Instagram live.
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  I went Instagram live yesterday and she's like, can you do a
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  video on narcissistic mothers? So I expect her to comment on
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  this and say, hey, it's me because if you don't, no more
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  recommendations. None.
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  No, I'm just joking, but I appreciate her just saying hey,
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  dual content on narcissistic mothers.
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  So in today's video, y'all we're going to talk about narcissistic
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  mothers, how they treat their daughters, how they treat their
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  sons and how they treat their kids overall, y'all, and let's
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  get this hot right into it man. Let's just y'all know I have to
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  keep it hot and ready like a like a Little Caesar's pizza,
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  right? The truth is, narcissistic
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  mothers very rarely, if ever see their children as actual people.
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  They've, they very rarely A pathological narcissistic mom
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  doesn't see their children as an actual person.
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  They see them as a functional tool, as a functional object, as
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  something to help them gain and gather more narcissistic supply.
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  And I know that sucks to hear, right?
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  I'm not saying that they have the inability to love you
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  because I love my children, right?
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  Even before I got diagnosed as a narcissist, I still love my
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  kids. I really, really did.
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  But narcissistic mothers, the especially the unaware ones, the
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  ones that are not trying to take accountability, the ones that
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  are doing this, doing that, they typically don't see you as a
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  functional human being. They don't see you as a person
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  with your own autonomy. They see you as what serves
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  them. You know what I mean?
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  So as a narcissist, like if I, if I were to put myself in the
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  shoes of your narcissistic mother, what I see, everything
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  that you do is a reflection of me.
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  Simply put, everything you do is a reflection of your
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  narcissistic mother. That's why they see the world
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  that they, the way they see it, right?
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  They see like that you see their car, their house, everything is
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  a reflection of them. You are, they see you as an
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  extension of them. If you are doing well, if you're
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  the star athlete, the straight A student, the funny kid that the
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  kid that everybody loves, the pretty child, you are the
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  trophy. You are the trophy, right?
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  They will walk you around and show you off like a prize.
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  Not because they're proud of you, but because they are proud
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  of their own parenting. They're proud.
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  They are proud of you because they're proud of themselves.
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  Look at a good job that I did. You're only this way because I
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  raised you. Look at all the sacrifices I
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  made. You are mine and you look.
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  Y'all see? Yeah.
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  Yeah. She won a trophy.
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  They because of me. Because of my parenting.
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  Yeah. The only reason Because they won
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  because of me. How many times if y'all have a
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  narcissistic mother? How many times has that happened
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  to you? Drop a thumbs up in the comment
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  section. But like, there's a, there's a
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  flip side of that, right? There's a flip side of had a
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  narcissistic mother once. The second that you start to
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  disappoint them or make them look bad, the second you get
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  sick or have a mental health episode or a struggle or
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  something like that. God forbid you got a personality
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  trait that they don't approve of, you go from trophy to a
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  problem. Oh you go from trophy to
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  problematic. They don't.
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  They remember I said they see you as an extension of their
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  arm. Now you are necrotic arm.
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  Now you're necrosis. Now you're necrotic.
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  They got to cut you off to save the rest of themselves right?
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  Like so to a narc mother, when you become problematic, when the
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  world or they start seeing your flaws, you become an
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  inconvenience to them. Like I said, they sometimes
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  they'll cut you off like if you are crying, you're being
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  dramatic. You know, if you're hurt, you're
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  trying to steal the spotlight. You are never allowed to just be
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  you just to have something happen to you.
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  You're not allowed to do that. You had to earn your keep when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic parent.
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  That's the way it goes right there.
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  Y'all take seriously if you were the trophy or the problem, drop
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  it in the comment section. Y'all drop a trophy or a problem
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  in the comment section. If you feel if you are
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  resonating with the narcissistic mother stuff right here, right?
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  Because as you keep moving on, like like I said earlier, they
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  treat their daughters and their sons differently.
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  First, we're going to tackle the daughters, then we're going to
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  tackle the sons. All right, got it.
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  We want to talk specific about daughters right now.
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  Sons are coming later because the narcissist, I'm going with
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  the daughters first because this, this relationship dynamic
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  tends to be very, very brutal, right?
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  And this is going to suck because a narcissistic mother
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  often sees her own daughter through the lens of envy and
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  jealousy. Very rarely do they see him
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  through with heart, with heart eyes, right?
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  They see them with the angry eyes.
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  You know, the little movies where they have the little
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  flaming eyes, little fire eyes. That's how they see your
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  daughters, right? When you when you are little,
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  you might be their little mini me.
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  They might dress you just like them.
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  They might dress you like a doll that sometimes they live
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  vicariously through their mini me's, right?
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  They treat you how they wanted to grow up.
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  They do. They force you into things that
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  they you might not like, but they wanted to do, they might
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  not have never got a chance to do.
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  And that's what ends up happening, right?
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  But as soon as you start growing up and hit puberty, as soon as
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  you start getting your own attention, your own personality,
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  your own beauty, that you might not look like them, they might
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  see you as looking better than them, which is weird in your own
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  life. The switch flips.
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  They start looking at you different.
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  You become a threat. Imagine looking at your baby as
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  a threat because that's what they do.
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  Suddenly you go from being to meeting me, the best friend, to
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  A to a competitor. Your narcissistic mother starts
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  competing with you as their own daughter.
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  This is crazy. They will suddenly sabotage
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  yourself esteem. They will attack you from the
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  inside out. They'll make little sly comments
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  about your weight, your clothes, your friends, your hair, your
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  eyes, your teeth, your freckles, whatever it can be to mess with
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  you, right? They want to make you feel
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  small. They want to keep you small so
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  they can feel big, right? They're compare and contrast you
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  all the time. But you, let's say you're 1314
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  years old. They'll compare you to them, to
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  them when they were 1314, when I was 13 and 14.
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  I look better than you, which is weird to say.
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  I was already an adult, I already had a job, I already did
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  this, I already did that. I've seen narc.
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  This is going to sound horrible right here.
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  I've seen narcissistic mothers flirt with their daughters,
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  boyfriends or their husbands just to prove they still got it.
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  And sometimes you see the you see the off example that
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  sometimes the narcissistic mom ends up sleeping with their
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  daughter's husband or boyfriend and ruining their own families.
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  Those stories are real, look them up.
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  This is crazy. Like she does like narcissistic
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  mother doesn't want you to be more successful than her, but
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  she wants you to be successful enough to make her look good.
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  It's like, I'm sure I promise you that it's kind of like a
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  damn near. It's kind of like a trap, right?
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  Don't be like like like what's that embarrassing about
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  Goldilocks? It's kind of like Goldilocks.
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  You, you don't be too successful, but don't be too
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  failure Prony don't be too average.
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  Just stay just right, not too hot, not too cold, just right,
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  just in the middle so they feel like they can control you.
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  She wants to be the sun and she wants you to be the moon that
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  only shines when she's allowed. He wants you to reflect her
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  light, not have your own self-sustaining light source.
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  That is crazy. It's hard growing up with a
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  narcissistic mother when you are her daughter.
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  I I I get, I trust, trust me, I understand that and that's why
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  I'm just trying to like raise awareness for that right there.
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  Now we switched the topic hop. Now we put topic hop to the
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  narcissistic mother and her sons, my boys or my male
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  identifying folks. Your trap is going to be a
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  little different, right? You might get the emotional
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  pancestral. You might get the most emotional
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  Pinterest. It's like that.
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  You might get the emotional INCEST.
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  A narcissistic mother often treats her son like a surrogate
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  partner. If she's unhappy with her
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  husband or a boyfriend, or if she's single, she will pour all
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  of her emotional needs into her baby boy, her beautiful,
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  bouncing Golden Boy. You are the one who has to
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  listen to her problems. You become her emotional dumping
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  ground. Your adult mom.
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  You become her emotional dumping ground.
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  You are the one who has to defend her, her horrible
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  behaviors to your girlfriend, to your other family members, to
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  your other siblings, to your wife, to your own children.
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  You have to defend her. You are the man of the house.
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  Before you even had enough, had enough time to grow up.
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  You might be an 8 year old, 9 year old, 10 year old man of the
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  house. That's crazy.
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  Your narcissistic mother may very well put you, and this is
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  not going to be the same for everybody, right?
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  Different, different sons who had narcissistic mothers are
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  going to get different results. But this is just me speaking,
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  just like in generalities and the most likely scenario, right?
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  Your narcissistic mother, my boys, they're going to put you
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  on a pedestal. They're going to tell you you're
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  the only man who will ever truly love her.
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  It feels good at first, right? You can feel proud when you're a
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  little boy growing up. I protected my Mama.
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  You can feel like a superhero, right?
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  But it's not a super. It's not, it's not a superpower.
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  They're putting a leash on you. They're putting a leash on you
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  to make you feel like you out. They're always going to need
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  you. They make you feel super, super
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  needy. Your mother's always the
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  narcissistic mothers will always make you feel like you have to
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  commit to being there for them for the rest of their lives in
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  any way, shape or form that they require, right?
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  The second. And This is why they attack your
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  partners. The second you grow up and you
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  bring another woman home, man, that's when the monster.
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  Y'all seen that Jennifer Lopez movie Monster in Law?
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  That's when the Monster in Law comes out.
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  She doesn't see your girlfriend as a partner for you.
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  She sees her as the thief who is stealing her property, who's
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  trying to take her man away, which is crazy.
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  She will find every flaw that your girlfriend or you'll be
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  like you. You can be, it could be a
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  boyfriend, you can have a boyfriend, right?
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  Your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, whoever.
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  They're going to find every flaw.
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  They're going to nitpick, they're going to devalue,
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  they're going to do a lot of different things subtly and
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  passive aggressively and and play the victim when it's called
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  out. They're going to start rumors
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  about your partners. They're going to play the victim
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  every time you choose your your spouse over them.
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  Like they want you enmeshed into their life, Like they don't want
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  you to go anywhere. Like your narcissistic mother
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  wants you to be her hero until the day that she passes away and
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  she would burn your entire life down to make sure you never
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  leave her aside, which is tough. I thought there's so many.
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  I'm doing some I-1 on one's over Zoom.
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  I thought there's so many partners who who their husbands
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  are not narcissists. They just have a narcissistic
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  mother who does exactly what I'm talking about right here.
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  There's one woman I talked to years ago.
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  She said her her her husband would her mom would the
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  narcissistic mom would take baths and the husband would be
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  in the bathroom sitting on the toilet.
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  I like that's gross as hell, but that's how she was raised.
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  She oh, this is not weird. I've been doing this since I was
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  a kid. I was sitting in the bathroom
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  mom when my mom takes a bath. What what that's why it's crazy
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  like the the reason this is so hard to heal from is because
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  their voice is always in your head.
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  You feel guilty. Y'all hear the term FOG, the
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  acronym FOG for your obligation and guilt.
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  This is what part I write. Read that book for There's a
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  there's a book called out of the fog by Dana Monistar.
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  Read their book. It's a powerful book.
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  But when you look in the mirror and think I'm not enough, or I'm
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  not, I'm not good enough, or I'm selfish or wanting a day off,
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  that's not you talking. That's your mom's programming.
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  Your narcissistic mother. That's her programming.
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  She built that internal critic within your mind, with inside of
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  your head that stays there long after you move out, long after
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  you leave, long after she passes away.
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  You feel guilty for setting boundaries with your mom because
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  she trained you, Your narcissistic mother trained you
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  to believe that love equals submission, that love equals
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  access you don't have. If you don't give me what I
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  want, you don't love me, right? If you don't give her, if you
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  don't submit to your mom or give her untethered, unlimited
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  access, you aren't loving her right.
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  You're a horrible son. You're a bad boy or bad mom or
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  bad daughter because that's your mom, right?
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  This is crazy, man. And I have really hated anybody
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  who has a narcissistic parent because it's tough as hell to
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  deal with. It really, really is, you know
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  what I mean? But as a narcissist, I'm like
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  that guilt again, that guilt you might feel is a lie.
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  It's program, it's false guilt. I call it false guilt.
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  It's a tool to keep that narcissistic mother or parent in
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  your life for a long time. You're not bad for wanting a
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  life that is free of their control.
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  You're just waking up and it's tough to wake up when you wake
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  up and understand what you went through and why you might be in
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  your own toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner, that we
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  can be crazy too. I might do another video on how
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  narcissistic mothers can team up with your narcissistic partner
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  and perpetuate the cycle of abuse in your relationship
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  because that does happen, right? But anyway, if you're in New
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  York City, you want to ask questions face to face about
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  your narcissistic mother and parenting and Co parenting,
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  stuff like that. Make sure to get registered for
• 14:11
  my in person Q&A in New York City on June the 2nd at
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  mentalillness.net/events or you can find a link in my link in
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  the description. Go to mentalillness.net, scroll
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  to the bottom, get registered and whatnot and I will see y'all
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  in New York City. Make sure I hit the subscribe
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  button if you haven't already. Helps reach more people and it's
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  always y'all. Mental illness is out.
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  Peace.