Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 351. An Invisible Illness: Pro Runner Grayson Murphy Opens Up About Her Battle With Crohn's Disease & Finding Confidence In The Mountains

Transcript

351. An Invisible Illness: Pro Runner Grayson Murphy Opens Up About Her Battle With Crohn's Disease & Finding Confidence In The Mountains · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: Being able to coax yourself to do some hard things
0:04
Speaker 1: and then afterwards acknowledging those hard things is important.
0:23
Speaker 2: Good morning, good afternoon, Good evening. EMILYA. Badi.
0:26
Speaker 3: Here.
0:27
Speaker 4: You are listening to episode two hundred and fifty one
0:30
Speaker 4: of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where we talk to
0:33
Speaker 4: inspirational people about everything from their highest ties and toughest
0:36
Speaker 4: moments to essential tips on how to live a healthier, happier,
0:41
Speaker 4: more motivated life. We all go through our fair share
0:44
Speaker 4: of hurdles. My goal through these discussions is to empower
0:48
Speaker 4: you to better navigate yours and move with intention so
0:51
Speaker 4: that you can stride towards your own big potential and
0:54
Speaker 4: of course have some fun along the way. For today's
0:59
Speaker 4: episode two fifty one, I'm talking to someone who knows
1:02
Speaker 4: a thing or two about striding, and that is Grayson Murphy.
1:07
Speaker 4: She's a two time World mountain running champion and a
1:10
Speaker 4: four time US National champion in mountain running and the
1:16
Speaker 4: vertical kilometer. She's also been a finalist at the US
1:19
Speaker 4: Deeplechase Olympic Trials and she qualified for the twenty twenty
1:23
Speaker 4: four Olympic Trials marathon and to cap it off, she's
1:27
Speaker 4: also a socney athlete. In our conversation today, we really
1:33
Speaker 4: hunker down on Grayson's recent health diagnosis of Crone's disease.
1:39
Speaker 4: She talks to me about the build up to getting
1:41
Speaker 4: that diagnosis, what she was experiencing, and how it has
1:45
Speaker 4: really impacted her, not just in her day to day
1:49
Speaker 4: but of course also in her athletic pursuits, encouraging her
1:53
Speaker 4: to ask a lot of difficult questions. She also talks
1:58
Speaker 4: to me about starting her own stage Gary company and
2:01
Speaker 4: what she thinks it could be like, diverting from running
2:05
Speaker 4: all together, using her engineering degree from college to potentially
2:10
Speaker 4: try something new.
2:11
Speaker 2: There are not enough good things.
2:13
Speaker 4: That I can say about Grayson and her openness and vulnerability.
2:16
Speaker 4: It has been a very challenging few months, and beyond that,
2:21
Speaker 4: a challenging god almost ten years for her as she
2:25
Speaker 4: has navigated so much unknown when it comes to her health,
2:30
Speaker 4: and so to be in this place now where not
2:32
Speaker 4: only she's sharing openly, but helping others through doing so,
2:35
Speaker 4: is really really special. Make sure you're following along over
2:41
Speaker 4: on social It's at Hurdle Podcast. I am over at
2:44
Speaker 4: Emily a Body and I want to talk up the weekly.
2:48
Speaker 2: Hurdle sub stack. It is something that I love putting together.
2:52
Speaker 4: For those of you that may not be familiar with
2:53
Speaker 4: my background, it is in print in digital media, and
2:57
Speaker 4: so having a place where I can things that I'm
3:01
Speaker 4: going through as well as my favorite picks, what I'm
3:04
Speaker 4: listening to watching reading gear that I am loving, so
3:08
Speaker 4: much of that good stuff, so much of the same
3:10
Speaker 4: inspiration and motivation you love from the show directly in
3:13
Speaker 4: your inbox. It means a lot to me, So make
3:15
Speaker 4: sure you're subscribed. You can do that by clicking on
3:17
Speaker 4: over to the show notes. Also in there you'll find
3:20
Speaker 4: a link to the Daily Hurdle subscriber channel that's over
3:24
Speaker 4: on Instagram.
3:25
Speaker 2: Last little bit of housekeeping.
3:27
Speaker 4: Two events up in Boston next weekend in honor of
3:30
Speaker 4: the marathon on Monday. We've got an eleven am on Saturday,
3:34
Speaker 4: April nineteenth, a course preview with Brooks at the Hyperion House,
3:38
Speaker 4: and then on Sunday a special conversation with my good
3:41
Speaker 4: friend Christina Centinari at the Birkenstock Store. For more information
3:45
Speaker 4: on both of those events, click on over to the
3:47
Speaker 4: show notes. With that, let's get to it. Let's get
3:50
Speaker 4: to hurling.
4:02
Speaker 2: Today. I am sitting down with Grace and Murphy.
4:05
Speaker 4: She's a five time US champ, a two time world
4:09
Speaker 4: champion runner for socany How are you doing today, Grace,
4:13
Speaker 4: and welcome to hurdle.
4:14
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.
4:16
Speaker 4: It's quite early where you are. It's seven am. How
4:19
Speaker 4: are you doing really today?
4:22
Speaker 1: You know it might be too early to tell. The
4:25
Speaker 1: weather's supposed to be nice today. In Montana, that's always
4:29
Speaker 1: a pretty good day, so I'm really thinking it's going
4:31
Speaker 1: to be good.
4:33
Speaker 2: What is really resonating for you right now?
4:36
Speaker 4: How are you feeling about your day to day, your
4:39
Speaker 4: regular routine.
4:41
Speaker 3: The other day I saw something.
4:43
Speaker 1: I was looking at mantras and I like quotes and
4:46
Speaker 1: mantras and stuff, and I saw one that was grace overgrind,
4:50
Speaker 1: and that really resonated with me because sometimes professional running
4:55
Speaker 1: can be a grind, and I think, right now in
4:58
Speaker 1: this chapter of my life, I need to go with
5:01
Speaker 1: the grace and not the grind part. And that was
5:03
Speaker 1: a good comparison because I don't feel like those words
5:05
Speaker 1: are very often used next to each other.
5:09
Speaker 2: Is there a reason why?
5:11
Speaker 4: More so right now that concept of grace is really
5:16
Speaker 4: resonating with you.
5:17
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with a new health diagnosis and navigating that
5:22
Speaker 1: has been interesting, and like giving myself grace I think
5:27
Speaker 1: is key, and I think moving forward, I'm not going
5:30
Speaker 1: to able to do things like I was before. So
5:33
Speaker 1: just having grace in that and not grinding through because
5:36
Speaker 1: sometimes I wonder if grinding is partly what got me
5:41
Speaker 1: to that health diagnosis or contributed to it. So I'm
5:44
Speaker 1: being mindful of that and like letting go a little bit,
5:48
Speaker 1: not being so aggressive on the grind.
5:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh god, but letting go can be so challenging. Right,
5:56
Speaker 4: You have spoken a little bit about your experience with crones.
6:01
Speaker 4: Why don't we start there. Why don't you tell the hurdlers.
6:05
Speaker 4: That's what I call my girl, Tell the hurdlers. How
6:10
Speaker 4: you first came to discover that you had at Crohn's disease.
6:16
Speaker 1: Oh?
6:16
Speaker 3: Man, Yeah, this is a saga.
6:18
Speaker 1: So this has been I was saying two years in
6:22
Speaker 1: the making, and then my doctors were like, we'd say
6:25
Speaker 1: ten years in the making. So this has been an
6:27
Speaker 1: ongoing thing. I've had symptoms for that long, but no
6:32
Speaker 1: one could really tell me what was going on. I
6:35
Speaker 1: was told I have anxiety or depression, or you're just
6:39
Speaker 1: making it up, or you're fine, or nothing's wrong enough,
6:43
Speaker 1: So just never really progressed to the point of a diagnosis,
6:46
Speaker 1: and I did have lots of tests done. I saw
6:49
Speaker 1: a lot of doctors. Particularly in the last two years.
6:52
Speaker 1: It has gotten significantly worse, and I've only raised a
6:58
Speaker 1: handful of times in two years, which is very unusual
7:01
Speaker 1: for me.
7:02
Speaker 3: But I just kept getting told.
7:03
Speaker 1: By doctors like, you're fine, nothing's wrong. So of course
7:07
Speaker 1: I started to internalize that, and then your mental.
7:09
Speaker 3: Health also takes a hit.
7:11
Speaker 1: And Yeah, it took me having a lot of blood
7:16
Speaker 1: in stools and they finally were like, oh, something's really
7:21
Speaker 1: wrong with you. Let's get a colonoscopy an endoscopy done,
7:25
Speaker 1: And when I woke up, the doctor that did the
7:29
Speaker 1: procedures like, yeah, I think it's crones. We did biopsies
7:32
Speaker 1: just in case, but I've seen enough crones to know.
7:35
Speaker 1: So that was it was relieving to finally get an answer.
7:39
Speaker 1: But now it's a whole new set of issues dealing
7:41
Speaker 1: with what that means.
7:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, a whole new set of issues.
7:45
Speaker 4: Do you have a distinct memory of when you really
7:49
Speaker 4: started to come to terms with the fact that whatever
7:52
Speaker 4: you were experiencing wasn't just a one off when it first.
7:57
Speaker 1: So two years ago, I won Worlds for the second
8:00
Speaker 1: in time, came home from that race and really was
8:03
Speaker 1: not feeling well in a lot.
8:05
Speaker 3: Of weird ways.
8:06
Speaker 1: I was having like muscle crams to the point that
8:09
Speaker 1: I thought I was tearing things or like having major
8:13
Speaker 1: muscle strains, which was weird for me that never happened.
8:17
Speaker 1: And then I spent a few months like really struggling
8:21
Speaker 1: to breathe, which was strange, just this weird slew. I
8:24
Speaker 1: lost hearing in my right ear, saw these weird symptoms,
8:29
Speaker 1: and no one could tell me what was wrong. But
8:31
Speaker 1: I was like, no, something's definitely wrong with me. I
8:34
Speaker 1: don't feel well. And so I think right off the bat,
8:37
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't feel well, something's wrong. But after
8:40
Speaker 1: seeing doctors over and over again saying you're fine or
8:44
Speaker 1: blaming it on something else, I started to believe I'm
8:48
Speaker 1: fine or I'm just not tough anymore, and I need
8:51
Speaker 1: to keep grinding through and pushing through this, and yeah,
8:56
Speaker 1: that it was my fault.
8:57
Speaker 3: So I think it was.
8:58
Speaker 1: Kind of the reverse. Initially I was like, something's wrong,
9:01
Speaker 1: and then it got to where I started to believe
9:04
Speaker 1: I was the.
9:04
Speaker 2: Problem, I'm just not tough anymore.
9:08
Speaker 4: That actually is heartbreaking in your day to day. How
9:14
Speaker 4: were you coping with all of the different voices in
9:17
Speaker 4: your head. I'm sure one minute a voice is like,
9:20
Speaker 4: I'm just not tough anymore, and the other minute someone
9:23
Speaker 4: in there is saying, but.
9:24
Speaker 2: You're totally fine, You've got this, don't even worry about it.
9:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. It was.
9:29
Speaker 1: It was kind of a hell to live in and
9:32
Speaker 1: it got to where last summer I was like, I
9:35
Speaker 1: just need to take like six weeks. I deleted all
9:38
Speaker 1: my social media, I didn't really run, and I just
9:42
Speaker 1: wanted to kind of disappear because it was just like
9:46
Speaker 1: this life I'm living, the way I'm living, it isn't
9:48
Speaker 1: fun anymore, and I don't know if I can keep
9:51
Speaker 1: doing this, Like should I retire from running altogether? Because
9:55
Speaker 1: I can't figure this out? And how do I combat
9:59
Speaker 1: all these voices? Is too so it seemed like the
10:02
Speaker 1: easy thing to do would be to step away in execution.
10:06
Speaker 4: Did you have any tools that you used regularly to
10:11
Speaker 4: help you cope with all of these emotions?
10:13
Speaker 1: I would say there is one, and I don't know
10:15
Speaker 1: if I would even recommend this now, But there's a
10:18
Speaker 1: keep showing up. I feel like runners use that one
10:21
Speaker 1: a lot, and my coach had even said that to me,
10:24
Speaker 1: and so I kept showing up. But maybe I took
10:27
Speaker 1: that the wrong way, or I took that to mean
10:30
Speaker 1: keep showing up and doing this work and grinding, and
10:34
Speaker 1: maybe it's more nuanced than that. It could be keep
10:39
Speaker 1: showing up for yourself in whatever way that looks like
10:41
Speaker 1: is what I'm learning now, which might be resting too.
10:45
Speaker 4: And that really goes back to the beginning of our
10:47
Speaker 4: conversation saying how important grace is and having grace with
10:51
Speaker 4: yourself is actually today's really resonant version of showing up
10:57
Speaker 4: for yourself versus showing up and doing a workout that
11:01
Speaker 4: really does not feel good at all.
11:05
Speaker 3: Right, And there were.
11:06
Speaker 1: Plenty of those, plenty of days where I was like,
11:09
Speaker 1: this is awful, and I think I hate running now.
11:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, And to be in a place where you recognize
11:18
Speaker 4: that you're not enjoying the journey, I would imagine that
11:21
Speaker 4: also is really challenging for your sense of self.
11:26
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, because I've been in the Rand scheme of things,
11:31
Speaker 1: running is a relatively new identity for me because I
11:34
Speaker 1: didn't start running until I was nineteen, but it's still
11:37
Speaker 1: a big part of me, and right now in this
11:39
Speaker 1: chapter of my life, it's probably my biggest identity. So
11:43
Speaker 1: then to think, oh, who am I If I'm not
11:46
Speaker 1: a runner anymore? And I don't even like it. It'd be
11:49
Speaker 1: one thing if I was retiring but still got to run.
11:53
Speaker 1: But I was at the point where all exercise was
11:56
Speaker 1: not fun anymore, and that was really bewildering, Like where
12:01
Speaker 1: am I? And this isn't the grason that I remember being.
12:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so when you got into running at nineteen,
12:11
Speaker 4: talk a little bit about what the catalyst was for that.
12:16
Speaker 1: So I played soccer growing up all through high school,
12:19
Speaker 1: and then I was playing soccer at a D three
12:21
Speaker 1: school in Virginia and college soccer just wasn't really what
12:26
Speaker 1: I thought it would be or had hoped it would be,
12:28
Speaker 1: and I was kind of burnt out on this sport.
12:30
Speaker 1: So I decided to transfer to Santa Clara. They had
12:34
Speaker 1: a great engineering program, which is what I was studying.
12:37
Speaker 1: And then at that point I was like, well, how
12:40
Speaker 1: do I make friends? I don't want to join a sorority.
12:43
Speaker 1: I want to be on a team because I've been
12:46
Speaker 1: on a sports team my entire life now. So I
12:49
Speaker 1: reached out to the track and cross country coaches there
12:51
Speaker 1: at Santa Clara and asked if I could try out
12:54
Speaker 1: or walk on or whatever they needed me to do
12:57
Speaker 1: to kind of show up, And luckily they were well
13:02
Speaker 1: received and told me I could just kind of come
13:05
Speaker 1: on the team i'd had.
13:07
Speaker 3: I don't know.
13:08
Speaker 1: I think I'd run one eight hundred and one four
13:10
Speaker 1: hundred for fun in high school, so I had two
13:12
Speaker 1: times to tell.
13:13
Speaker 3: Then, and I wasn't bad.
13:16
Speaker 1: I knew from soccer like it was always one of
13:18
Speaker 1: the fastest people on the field, but I'd never done
13:21
Speaker 1: running in a structured way at all other than playing soccer,
13:25
Speaker 1: so had no idea what to expect.
13:29
Speaker 4: I have to double click because my curiosity is so pequed.
13:33
Speaker 4: What was it about college soccer that didn't sit right
13:37
Speaker 4: with you?
13:37
Speaker 1: I think the team I was on was in a
13:39
Speaker 1: great environment for me, and I think the coaches also
13:44
Speaker 1: probably weren't great influences. And I think in soccer in
13:48
Speaker 1: high school it was so fun to be with my
13:50
Speaker 1: best friends and we'd get on the bus and brady
13:53
Speaker 1: each other's here and travel all these places, and in
13:56
Speaker 1: college it was a bit different. I will note too,
13:58
Speaker 1: I was at all girls college, so maybe that contributed
14:01
Speaker 1: to my not loving the environment as much. Not that
14:05
Speaker 1: I don't love women, but it's a very not real environment,
14:11
Speaker 1: Like the real world isn't like that. There are a
14:15
Speaker 1: mix of people, so it's weird to be with only
14:17
Speaker 1: one group of people secluded like that.
14:20
Speaker 2: Totally, totally.
14:21
Speaker 4: And so once you not only walked on to the
14:26
Speaker 4: team at your new university but then started running more
14:30
Speaker 4: than a singular eight hundred, how did that feel for you?
14:35
Speaker 1: It was interesting the first day. I think the coach said, Okay,
14:38
Speaker 1: go run easy for an hour, and I was like,
14:41
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? Like I an hour straight? I
14:45
Speaker 1: think I made it forty five minutes. And then I
14:48
Speaker 1: came back and I was like, I don't think I
14:50
Speaker 1: can run anymore. But I progressed quick, and it was
14:52
Speaker 1: fun to have that, like learning curve and beginner's luck.
14:56
Speaker 1: And my teammates, luckily were very kind and told me
15:01
Speaker 1: I needed a running watch and some good shoes and
15:05
Speaker 1: they kind of showed me the rope.
15:06
Speaker 3: So it was nice.
15:08
Speaker 4: I think that is so refreshing to hear now as
15:12
Speaker 4: we sit here a two time world champion. You also
15:16
Speaker 4: had an on ramp to your sports something that so
15:21
Speaker 4: many people looking at you forget to this day, right
15:25
Speaker 4: in this moment, when you kept persevering after not even
15:31
Speaker 4: completing the totality of that first workout, What was it
15:35
Speaker 4: that motivated you to keep coming back when it felt
15:38
Speaker 4: so hard at the beginning.
15:41
Speaker 3: I think it was.
15:42
Speaker 1: That I believed I could get there, and that I
15:46
Speaker 1: know I'm inexperienced and that's contributing to this not making
15:50
Speaker 1: it through a whole hour. But I think I can
15:53
Speaker 1: make it through a whole hour. I just need to
15:55
Speaker 1: run more. And before I showed up to the team
16:00
Speaker 1: during the summer months before August where you report, I
16:03
Speaker 1: decided I'll run one mile a day for a whole month,
16:06
Speaker 1: and I had a calendar on the wall and I
16:08
Speaker 1: remember marking it off. And then I got through one
16:11
Speaker 1: month of that, and then I thought, oh, I'm going
16:13
Speaker 1: to do one mile a day and then I'll try
16:16
Speaker 1: some three milers, like moving it up. And I had
16:19
Speaker 1: seen progress that way, so then it was in my
16:23
Speaker 1: head a natural progression, like, oh, I just have to
16:26
Speaker 1: keep working at it and I'll get there. I'm not
16:28
Speaker 1: going to be a star overnight. But the progress comes.
16:33
Speaker 4: Easily, and I could bend you because that's such a
16:36
Speaker 4: healthy mentality and approach to take. And when you are
16:40
Speaker 4: in this place where you can recognize the small wins
16:43
Speaker 4: as they come and also be really honest with yourself
16:47
Speaker 4: about where you're at, that is when you can continue
16:51
Speaker 4: to make progress. It's only when we how do I
16:55
Speaker 4: say this, lie to ourselves a little bit that that's
16:58
Speaker 4: where some of that frustration and that comes from.
17:01
Speaker 1: Yes, And the older I've gotten in, the deeper I've
17:04
Speaker 1: gotten into the sport, that's become harder to kind of
17:09
Speaker 1: fend off.
17:10
Speaker 3: Which seems silly. You'd think at the beginning maybe.
17:13
Speaker 1: You'd have more imposter syndrome, But for me, it's been
17:17
Speaker 1: kind of the opposite. And the deeper into pro running
17:20
Speaker 1: I get, the more I'm like, oh, I can't do that,
17:22
Speaker 1: And I set up these barriers for myself that shouldn't
17:26
Speaker 1: exist or didn't exist when I started running.
17:29
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is?
17:32
Speaker 1: I've thought about this a lot, and I think that
17:36
Speaker 1: perhaps it's the addition of pressure that comes when when
17:42
Speaker 1: you're just starting. I had no expectation of being like
17:46
Speaker 1: great at running. I just wanted to get better, and
17:49
Speaker 1: now I am a two time world champion, and people
17:53
Speaker 1: say that a lot. And now there's kind of an
17:54
Speaker 1: expectation like, well, we know you're good, so how much
17:57
Speaker 1: better can you be? Or we expect you to show
18:00
Speaker 1: up and be good, and I think that kind of
18:03
Speaker 1: warps the perception of it.
18:06
Speaker 3: For yourself.
18:07
Speaker 4: That's a really difficult seat to sit in as well,
18:11
Speaker 4: to show up and have all of these weighted expectations
18:16
Speaker 4: on you. What is so helpful in moments like this?
18:20
Speaker 4: At least I can speak for myself, and I'd love
18:22
Speaker 4: your opinion. When I think about what I'm going to do,
18:26
Speaker 4: sometimes I think about how I want to feel, and
18:29
Speaker 4: I recognize that how I want to feel won't always
18:32
Speaker 4: be correlated with a faster time me Finding the joy
18:37
Speaker 4: in what it is that I'm going out to do
18:40
Speaker 4: can be based on doing it with a friend, or
18:44
Speaker 4: being somewhere new and experiencing something new a new place, right,
18:48
Speaker 4: So there are different factors that can bring me the
18:50
Speaker 4: joy and the satisfaction and the execution of doing something
18:54
Speaker 4: that I enjoy.
18:57
Speaker 3: I'd have to agree with that.
18:58
Speaker 2: Do you feel like.
18:59
Speaker 4: You get to bring or define your own joy within
19:03
Speaker 4: the sport or that is just so heavily decided for you.
19:08
Speaker 3: I think that's.
19:09
Speaker 1: Something I've really struggled with, particularly in the last couple
19:14
Speaker 1: of years when I haven't been able to run as
19:17
Speaker 1: much as I have wanted to. It is hard because
19:20
Speaker 1: you have expectations and you have sponsors you want to
19:23
Speaker 1: make happy. And luckily, I like with Socney, they're wonderful
19:28
Speaker 1: and they've never put pressure on me to do anything
19:31
Speaker 1: unhealthy or expected me to perform when I'm not able to,
19:36
Speaker 1: and that's not the case with a lot of sponsors
19:39
Speaker 1: that I've heard about, So I feel really lucky for that,
19:42
Speaker 1: but still like I want to be a good ambassador
19:46
Speaker 1: and representative of their brand. And when I can't even
19:50
Speaker 1: find joy for myself in running on the day to
19:53
Speaker 1: day and easy runs suck and I don't feel good,
19:57
Speaker 1: it is hard to find joy in the grand under
20:00
Speaker 1: picture of it's my job too. And oh and don't
20:05
Speaker 1: forget you need to pay rent and you need to
20:07
Speaker 1: pay your mortgage and you need to buy groceries. So
20:10
Speaker 1: you need to make this work because you're also getting paid.
20:13
Speaker 4: For this, yeah, for sure, and that is a lot
20:17
Speaker 4: of pressure. How do you find the joy in your
20:21
Speaker 4: day to day when, as we spoke about, there are
20:25
Speaker 4: so many things that are complicating what feels like should
20:30
Speaker 4: be the norm.
20:33
Speaker 3: Right now.
20:34
Speaker 1: I think what I'm trying to do is again give
20:37
Speaker 1: myself grace. And if joy means going for a walk
20:42
Speaker 1: instead of a run, I'll do that. And if joy
20:45
Speaker 1: means taking a rest day, I'll do that. Maybe I
20:48
Speaker 1: feel good that day and it means doing a long
20:50
Speaker 1: run or something, I'll do that. But having the flexibility
20:53
Speaker 1: right now to find joy in places I haven't looked
20:58
Speaker 1: before has been important in the past when I've been
21:02
Speaker 1: more healthy I've been you just try and find joy
21:06
Speaker 1: like oh well this, I'll go do a run in
21:08
Speaker 1: a new place today, or like you said, with a friend,
21:11
Speaker 1: or I'll go run up a cool trail because I
21:14
Speaker 1: think the view at the top will be really cool.
21:17
Speaker 3: Stuff like that.
21:17
Speaker 1: And when that's taken away a bit, I have to
21:20
Speaker 1: find it elsewhere.
21:22
Speaker 2: Yeah.
21:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's so difficult because that's not something often.
21:27
Speaker 2: That you desire.
21:29
Speaker 4: You want to lean into the things that you know
21:33
Speaker 4: have made you happy in the past. It's similar to
21:36
Speaker 4: that conversation about knowing, okay, I was able to progress
21:42
Speaker 4: running a mile every day and then running three miles,
21:44
Speaker 4: and I know that I have the foundation to continue
21:47
Speaker 4: to get better, but then it's.
21:49
Speaker 2: Ripped from you. What you know is ripped from you.
21:54
Speaker 4: Do you do anything to assist your mental health, likejournaling
22:00
Speaker 4: or talk therapy or anything like that?
22:03
Speaker 1: Both, yes, all of the above. I do have a
22:06
Speaker 1: sports like that I work with and that's been really instrumental.
22:11
Speaker 1: And I had journal a lot and have actually own
22:14
Speaker 1: a stationary company, and the training logs.
22:17
Speaker 3: Are part of why I created them.
22:19
Speaker 1: Was a mental health perspective and let's write it down.
22:23
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's a lot more helpful than
22:26
Speaker 1: just loading your run into an app. You can be
22:29
Speaker 1: more intentional about things and really introspective about it. So
22:34
Speaker 1: that's sort of why I made those two.
22:37
Speaker 4: I don't think that I don't know about wild Strides.
22:42
Speaker 4: The concept is super adorable. But what was it that
22:44
Speaker 4: motivated you to launch this? Was it in pursuit of
22:48
Speaker 4: finding some of your own joy?
22:50
Speaker 2: Again?
22:51
Speaker 3: Actually, I had already started making one.
22:53
Speaker 1: It was my first year as a pro in twenty eighteen,
22:56
Speaker 1: and I was making it by hand as a bullet
22:59
Speaker 1: journal for my and I had a couple people more
23:03
Speaker 1: than a couple ask where I had bought what I
23:05
Speaker 1: was making, and I was like, oh, no, I made this,
23:08
Speaker 1: and they were like, that's really cool, I want one.
23:10
Speaker 3: And then I thought, oh, I should.
23:12
Speaker 1: Try and sell this, and it'd be a fun way
23:15
Speaker 1: to connect with runners outside of my race results. I
23:19
Speaker 1: feel like usually as a pro, you're connecting with people
23:22
Speaker 1: just if you see them at races or on social
23:25
Speaker 1: media for race results, and this was a cool way
23:28
Speaker 1: to connect with people like, Oh, look, we you're not
23:32
Speaker 1: the same level, but we both use the same thing.
23:34
Speaker 1: And just because I might run a five k a
23:36
Speaker 1: little faster than you doesn't mean I don't appreciate a
23:39
Speaker 1: training log and write the same things in it that
23:42
Speaker 1: you would. So that was kind of cool, and it's
23:46
Speaker 1: just blossomed into kind of a bigger business.
23:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
23:49
Speaker 4: I mean, you have the training log, but then you
23:51
Speaker 4: also have different cards with really cute, fun, fuzzy sayings
23:56
Speaker 4: on them. Then you even have bookmarks and student apps,
24:00
Speaker 4: training logs, and a diversity of different products that you offer.
24:03
Speaker 4: What's been one of the biggest learnings for you as
24:07
Speaker 4: you launched this business because it wasn't something that I'm
24:12
Speaker 4: sure you expected for yourself.
24:14
Speaker 2: A few years ago.
24:15
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
24:16
Speaker 1: No. And like I said, I studied engineering in college,
24:20
Speaker 1: so I did not study business. Everything's been a learning curve,
24:23
Speaker 1: learning how to source products, deal with shipping timelines. During
24:29
Speaker 1: COVID that was crazy. I had to deal with when
24:33
Speaker 1: the ports were closed and everything was stuck on a
24:36
Speaker 1: ship on a port, and I was like, I don't
24:39
Speaker 1: even know what to do in this case. Yeah, and
24:42
Speaker 1: organization has been interesting. I've learned a lot about marketing
24:46
Speaker 1: that is not something you touch on in the engineering
24:48
Speaker 1: curriculum at all. So yeah, it's been a fun combination
24:52
Speaker 1: of skills and I feel like it's made me feel
24:55
Speaker 1: just confident that I can, with enough time, kind of
24:59
Speaker 1: like running, learn to do anything even if I'm not
25:02
Speaker 1: trained to do it at the beginning. I just need
25:06
Speaker 1: to put my head down and figure it out.
25:09
Speaker 4: But when you have no background in this, where did
25:14
Speaker 4: you even garner the knowledge or the information to understand
25:20
Speaker 4: where do I source paper from? Or how do I
25:22
Speaker 4: even get something? How does someone even get something on
25:25
Speaker 4: a shipping container?
25:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, I relied so much on the people around me
25:31
Speaker 1: that had done it before and not being afraid to
25:34
Speaker 1: ask questions and reach out to people, and that's been
25:39
Speaker 1: sometimes I hate social media, but that's been a really
25:42
Speaker 1: nice part of social media. And most people are really
25:45
Speaker 1: nice and they're willing to answer a few questions and
25:48
Speaker 1: give you some direction if you're kind of lost, even
25:51
Speaker 1: if they don't know you at all. If you're just nice,
25:54
Speaker 1: they'll be nice back. So that's been an important learning lesson.
25:59
Speaker 4: Do you feel as though when you got your CRONES
26:04
Speaker 4: diagnosis that you were able to lean into community in
26:09
Speaker 4: that same way on social.
26:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. And I know a few people who
26:16
Speaker 1: are runners with CRONES, So I immediately texted both of
26:20
Speaker 1: them and was like, what do I do? Is this
26:23
Speaker 1: going to be okay? Like do you think I can
26:25
Speaker 1: keep my job? Or is this the end of me?
26:29
Speaker 1: And yeah, having that support system has been really cool.
26:34
Speaker 1: And then finding out that so many people have IBD,
26:38
Speaker 1: which also includes all sort of colitis.
26:41
Speaker 3: Has been crazy.
26:42
Speaker 1: So many runners out there are dealing with this and
26:44
Speaker 1: they're not They're just running like they've figured it out.
26:48
Speaker 3: And having so many messages.
26:50
Speaker 1: From people saying like, Okay, it could be rough, but
26:52
Speaker 1: don't worry, like you'll get You'll find your way through
26:56
Speaker 1: this and get around it. That was really comforting and
27:00
Speaker 1: continues to be Every time I post about it, I
27:03
Speaker 1: get so many messages from people, and then I try
27:06
Speaker 1: and give it back too. I hopefully give them some
27:10
Speaker 1: comments and nice notes back and make it a circular economy.
27:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, what goes around comes around. If you wouldn't mind,
27:18
Speaker 4: can you share a little bit about how this shows
27:21
Speaker 4: up for you regularly? What does it look like for
27:24
Speaker 4: you practically to be someone that has crones in your
27:31
Speaker 4: current job of being a pro runner.
27:35
Speaker 1: It's been I'm still really learning. This is only month
27:38
Speaker 1: two of knowing that I have CRONES, and I couldn't
27:44
Speaker 1: I know one person who's a pro runner. That's the
27:46
Speaker 1: only other person I've found that's been at the pro
27:50
Speaker 1: level with an IBD, and so there's not really a
27:54
Speaker 1: roadmap moving forward. I think again, back to the grace,
27:59
Speaker 1: it's been like, okay, let's just be patient and if
28:02
Speaker 1: one thing doesn't work, try something else. And right now,
28:05
Speaker 1: that's meant really adjusting training while I wait to get
28:10
Speaker 1: the main treatment that I'm hoping to get and getting
28:15
Speaker 1: a TUI a therapeutic use exemption for that treatment, and
28:20
Speaker 1: kind of structuring races around the treatment schedule, which will
28:24
Speaker 1: be I've never had to have that extra variable added
28:28
Speaker 1: into a training program. So yeah, I think there's a
28:32
Speaker 1: lot of moving pieces that I'm still trying to fit together,
28:35
Speaker 1: and I just want to take some time and do
28:38
Speaker 1: that slowly.
28:40
Speaker 4: You've mentioned a few times now the importance of grace,
28:45
Speaker 4: but if you had to get honest about how this
28:48
Speaker 4: all makes you feel, just shy of two months in,
28:52
Speaker 4: how does it make you feel?
28:53
Speaker 2: Grayson, I was telling my mom.
28:55
Speaker 1: I think I'm going through the stages of grief. At first,
28:59
Speaker 1: I was so relieved to have a diagnosis, and then
29:03
Speaker 1: that kind of started to wear off and the gravity
29:06
Speaker 1: of the situation started to kind of seep in a
29:10
Speaker 1: bit more. So then I was more angry. I've had
29:14
Speaker 1: some angry days too of I don't want this, and
29:19
Speaker 1: why do I have to deal with this? Like why
29:20
Speaker 1: meet kind of those questions. I don't want to have
29:24
Speaker 1: to deal with crones. I just want to able to run,
29:28
Speaker 1: And yeah, so there's angry days. Then some sad days too,
29:35
Speaker 1: especially if it's a day I want to go run
29:37
Speaker 1: and then it doesn't feel good and that's always a disappointment.
29:41
Speaker 3: And I've had a lot of those days in the past.
29:44
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like I'm a bucket that was
29:47
Speaker 1: emptied or someone said you can't pour from an empty cup,
29:51
Speaker 1: and I feel like I keep trying to pour from
29:53
Speaker 1: this cup that's empty and there's nothing coming out, and
29:58
Speaker 1: then I just get kind of down and sad. But
30:02
Speaker 1: then some days I'll be relieved again. And yeah, it's
30:05
Speaker 1: kind of a circle. And you don't get to plan
30:08
Speaker 1: when the stages hit you. So that's been Yeah, I
30:12
Speaker 1: have to take it as it comes.
30:14
Speaker 4: Yeah, take it as it comes. Thanks so much for
30:17
Speaker 4: sharing that. And what I'm hearing you say is that
30:21
Speaker 4: there are a lot of hurdles in your path, but
30:26
Speaker 4: you also have a good support network to help you
30:31
Speaker 4: as you navigate them. Talk to me a little bit
30:34
Speaker 4: about how that support network has showed up for you
30:39
Speaker 4: as you've faced these difficult moments.
30:43
Speaker 3: Yeah.
30:44
Speaker 1: I I'm so lucky. I feel like I have so
30:47
Speaker 1: many great people around me. My family has been always
30:51
Speaker 1: so supportive and they're not runners. So when I told
30:54
Speaker 1: them I wanted to run in college, they were like,
30:57
Speaker 1: that's crazy, but okay.
31:00
Speaker 3: Support you.
31:01
Speaker 1: And same thing now they're like, okay, like if this
31:05
Speaker 1: is what you're going to do, we'll support you even
31:07
Speaker 1: if we don't understand why you'd go run twenty miles
31:10
Speaker 1: for fun or something. So having them has been great,
31:13
Speaker 1: and leaning on them and asking them questions and keeping
31:16
Speaker 1: them very involved in the diagnosis, and like, here's what
31:21
Speaker 1: my doctor said, what do you think. I've always been
31:24
Speaker 1: like that with my parents, and I'm lucky to have
31:27
Speaker 1: their relationship like that. And then I've found some great
31:31
Speaker 1: doctors and practitioners.
31:33
Speaker 3: I've gone through a lot of.
31:35
Speaker 1: They're not bad, but it's hard to not be frustrated
31:38
Speaker 1: with the way that they choose to practice medicine and
31:42
Speaker 1: the way that I was treated in their offices.
31:45
Speaker 3: So I would say that.
31:46
Speaker 1: Sidebar for anyone dealing with that. Don't be afraid to
31:49
Speaker 1: advocate for yourself. And the doctor should be working for
31:52
Speaker 1: you and with you, you don't work for them. And
31:56
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to choose someone else if it's like
31:59
Speaker 1: a therapist. If you don't feel like you resonate with
32:02
Speaker 1: that practitioner, go find someone else. So I've gone through
32:06
Speaker 1: a lot of people that didn't resonate and found some
32:08
Speaker 1: that really do, and keeping them close and in the
32:11
Speaker 1: loop has been nice and asking them questions and having
32:15
Speaker 1: thoughtful conversations about what could this look like with treatment
32:20
Speaker 1: moving forward, what are the implications of getting an immunocipressant.
32:29
Speaker 4: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
32:32
Speaker 4: to my sponsor at ag one. At the beginning of
32:35
Speaker 4: the year, I made a commitment to myself to really
32:38
Speaker 4: dial in on my nutrition, and ag one is a
32:42
Speaker 4: foundational building block to that equation. It's a habit that
32:47
Speaker 4: I have stuck with every day for a better part
32:50
Speaker 4: of the last four years because I know that when
32:53
Speaker 4: I drink ag one in the morning, I feel better
32:56
Speaker 4: in my body. Just last week, a good friend of
32:59
Speaker 4: mine talking about how she's been getting sick lately, and
33:02
Speaker 4: I said, we do not have time for that. I immediately
33:06
Speaker 4: walked over and dropped her off some ag one and
33:10
Speaker 4: I talked to her about literally, since I started taking this,
33:13
Speaker 4: I am not someone that gets sick often. And that's
33:17
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33:20
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33:39
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33:43
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33:50
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Speaker 4: in your first box. Again, you've got to make sure
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Speaker 4: to head on over to drink ag one dot com
34:15
Speaker 4: slash hurdle to get that offer today. I am so
34:27
Speaker 4: impressed by your tenacity and also your dialed in awareness
34:33
Speaker 4: of how important it is not only to advocate for
34:37
Speaker 4: yourself but also to ask questions. So often we feel
34:41
Speaker 4: as though, well, I'm supposed to know about this, so
34:43
Speaker 4: I'm just not going to ask this right now. And
34:45
Speaker 4: it sounds as though you have no filter on getting
34:50
Speaker 4: the information that you need to feel better in your
34:53
Speaker 4: body and move forward how you want to.
34:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I don't feel like I do, but
34:58
Speaker 1: it's also my life. I'm not going to be afraid
35:01
Speaker 1: to ask a question because I'm scared. I think engineering
35:07
Speaker 1: help with that, because you can't be too afraid to
35:10
Speaker 1: ask a question, or the bridge is going to fall
35:12
Speaker 1: down and you're going to hurt a bunch of people.
35:14
Speaker 3: So questions can be good.
35:18
Speaker 2: We can't have the bridge falling down, Grayson.
35:20
Speaker 4: We cannot have the bridgebolutely not down. I want to
35:24
Speaker 4: circle back to the success that you found quite early
35:28
Speaker 4: in your career. You graduated in twenty eighteen and you
35:33
Speaker 4: went on to then capture your first USATF national title
35:39
Speaker 4: in twenty nineteen.
35:41
Speaker 2: What did it feel like for you?
35:43
Speaker 4: Just kind of like that quick on ramp to running
35:46
Speaker 4: that you experienced after you transferred. To find so much
35:50
Speaker 4: success early on as a professional.
35:54
Speaker 1: A lot of people probably think that it was really cool,
35:58
Speaker 1: and it was. It was very cool, but from a
36:01
Speaker 1: mental standpoint, it was also really scary to go from oh,
36:06
Speaker 1: this is my fourth year running ever in my whole
36:10
Speaker 1: life to you're a world champion Now. That was kind
36:14
Speaker 1: of crazy, and I felt like my physical capability exceeded
36:18
Speaker 1: my mental capability to cope with that. Success, and that
36:23
Speaker 1: was difficult and has taken till now, basically so six
36:29
Speaker 1: seven years later to kind of catch up to the
36:32
Speaker 1: same level of where I was racing it. I didn't
36:35
Speaker 1: get the high school experience, and even in college I
36:39
Speaker 1: had two years that were okay, but then my last
36:41
Speaker 1: two years I was like competing to win NCAA's and
36:46
Speaker 1: that was kind of scary. So yeah, it's been a
36:48
Speaker 1: roller coaster and there's been a lot of self doubt
36:51
Speaker 1: and wondering is this real?
36:55
Speaker 3: Was at a fluke? Can I do that again? Where
36:58
Speaker 3: do I go from here?
37:01
Speaker 4: Lots of questions, How did you work to get the
37:04
Speaker 4: mental to catch up to the physical? Did you have
37:07
Speaker 4: any tools that you can reflect on that helped you
37:11
Speaker 4: navigate through that process.
37:14
Speaker 1: I'm working with a sports psych that's been really helpful.
37:17
Speaker 1: Continuing to put myself in the fire, so to speak,
37:22
Speaker 1: and time after time of winning races, I kind of
37:26
Speaker 1: started to believe that it wasn't enough, fluke and I
37:30
Speaker 1: can do it again. And by the second time I
37:34
Speaker 1: went back to Worlds and one again I stood on
37:38
Speaker 1: that start line thinking like I want to win this race,
37:41
Speaker 1: and that was not how I felt the first time.
37:43
Speaker 1: So kind of just repetition, getting in those reps of
37:48
Speaker 1: testing yourself and then proving to yourself you can do it.
37:51
Speaker 3: And I don't know.
37:52
Speaker 1: If that's an answer therapist would give or something, but
37:57
Speaker 1: it did.
37:57
Speaker 4: I love that concept or the idea of putting in reps.
38:01
Speaker 4: When it comes to positive self expression and positive self talk,
38:06
Speaker 4: I find it very refreshing that you can be so
38:10
Speaker 4: upfront about Hey, I didn't speak to myself this way
38:14
Speaker 4: before my first championship, but then I did better, I
38:20
Speaker 4: learned better, and so I showed up better the next time.
38:24
Speaker 4: For someone that's struggling with implementing positive self talk into
38:29
Speaker 4: their regular routine or developing some sort of a practice,
38:33
Speaker 4: what advice do you have to offer us to where
38:35
Speaker 4: they can begin.
38:36
Speaker 1: Oh maybe just even a small mantra saying you can
38:40
Speaker 1: say to yourself, and I would suggest you consider what's
38:46
Speaker 1: the worst that can happen. I usually think that one
38:49
Speaker 1: start lines too, and usually it's like, well, I don't
38:53
Speaker 1: finish or something, but the world doesn't end and everyone
38:56
Speaker 1: still loves me, and at the end of the day, like,
39:00
Speaker 1: that's not really that bad, so might as well try.
39:04
Speaker 1: Kind of you have nothing to lose and then when
39:07
Speaker 1: things get hard, remember to give yourself positive messages like
39:12
Speaker 1: you can do this, it's not so bad, or just
39:14
Speaker 1: keep moving forward. And to an extent, I would say, like,
39:18
Speaker 1: don't overuse that because I can get toxic, especially if
39:21
Speaker 1: you have a chronic illness. But yeah, I think there's
39:24
Speaker 1: a balance to it and being able to coax yourself
39:29
Speaker 1: to do some hard things and then afterwards acknowledging those
39:34
Speaker 1: hard things is important.
39:36
Speaker 4: I do want to talk a little bit about that
39:39
Speaker 4: second World Championship. I know it was something that, yes,
39:43
Speaker 4: the first one was so special, but the second one
39:46
Speaker 4: really really impacted you.
39:49
Speaker 2: Can you share why that is.
39:51
Speaker 1: I think it's because, like I said, the first one
39:54
Speaker 1: was kind of out of the blue. I did not
39:57
Speaker 1: go into that race expecting to it. That was my
40:00
Speaker 1: my third or fourth trail race ever, so I did
40:03
Speaker 1: not have the resume to win that race, and it
40:08
Speaker 1: was just unexpected. So then when I went into the
40:11
Speaker 1: second one, I'd worked really hard to get back to
40:13
Speaker 1: that start line and with the intent of I want
40:17
Speaker 1: to win this again. So it felt good to accomplish
40:21
Speaker 1: something that I had been working so hard for. It. It
40:24
Speaker 1: was four years in between the two championships, so a
40:28
Speaker 1: long time and a lot of work put in, and
40:31
Speaker 1: it just felt like if it really all paid off
40:34
Speaker 1: and was really cool to come to fruition.
40:37
Speaker 4: When you talk about putting in the work preparing between
40:42
Speaker 4: that for year period, what would you say the most
40:46
Speaker 4: challenging aspect of being an athlete that performs at your
40:52
Speaker 4: level is for you.
40:54
Speaker 1: The day to day is usually okay. I get race anxiety,
41:01
Speaker 1: so performing traveling and performing sometimes that can really weigh
41:06
Speaker 1: me down. To getting through that and learning how to
41:09
Speaker 1: cope and manage with those feelings has been.
41:12
Speaker 3: Challenging for me.
41:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, the workout part, like the physical part is kind
41:18
Speaker 1: of the easy part for me. It's the mental part
41:22
Speaker 1: that's been my Achilles heel.
41:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, talk to me about how that race anxiety manifests
41:29
Speaker 4: for you.
41:31
Speaker 1: In college, I used to think, what if I just
41:34
Speaker 1: hidden the poor to potty and then I didn't have
41:37
Speaker 1: to start this race, Or what if this I got
41:41
Speaker 1: struck by lightning and then I wouldn't have to race.
41:43
Speaker 1: Just horrible things to be thinking. And then I do
41:48
Speaker 1: the race and think that was so fun and it's
41:51
Speaker 1: such a I don't know difference, Like you have two
41:56
Speaker 1: extremes very close to each other, that it meant best.
42:00
Speaker 4: Badly, it manifest badly to think to yourself, wow, I
42:06
Speaker 4: wish I could get struck by lightning right now so
42:08
Speaker 4: I didn't have to show up and do this. And
42:10
Speaker 4: then to your point here, having such an opposite feeling
42:15
Speaker 4: after the race, how is it that you are able
42:18
Speaker 4: to go back and remember the second half of this?
42:23
Speaker 4: How is it that you come back to the positive
42:28
Speaker 4: because more often than not, we are gosh inclined to
42:33
Speaker 4: think the negative thoughts.
42:35
Speaker 1: It does come up every race and I think, oh,
42:37
Speaker 1: the bad feelings are back.
42:39
Speaker 3: Some race is not so bad.
42:41
Speaker 1: But it's that positive self talk of just just get
42:44
Speaker 1: through this, like get to the moment when the gun
42:48
Speaker 1: goes off, and then you know you'll be fine. You're
42:51
Speaker 1: always fine, You just have to get to that moment
42:54
Speaker 1: because then the physical pain, like I said, the physical
42:58
Speaker 1: training and the physical pain of racing is really not
43:01
Speaker 1: that bad compared to that feeling of anxiety beforehand. It
43:06
Speaker 1: makes the pain, physical pain feel like a breeze. Just
43:11
Speaker 1: slowly talking myself through it positively to get to that point.
43:16
Speaker 4: And what I'm hearing you say is you have an
43:19
Speaker 4: understanding that these thoughts might come and go, but you
43:23
Speaker 4: are not your thoughts.
43:25
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, when you said, oh.
43:28
Speaker 4: Here the negative thoughts are coming in again, like you
43:30
Speaker 4: know that they come your experience, your veteran It's a
43:34
Speaker 4: part of the routine, right, and so now you can say, Okay,
43:38
Speaker 4: I'm going to experience these thoughts, but these do not
43:41
Speaker 4: define me.
43:42
Speaker 3: Yes, and those aren't thoughts I have all the time.
43:46
Speaker 1: Either when I signed up for the race, That's not
43:48
Speaker 1: the thought I had when I clicked sign up on
43:52
Speaker 1: the website. So yeah, I know that it's just for
43:55
Speaker 1: some reason in that embrace environment, that's what.
43:59
Speaker 3: Happens to my.
44:01
Speaker 4: So many people listening to this here you say, well,
44:04
Speaker 4: I never even thought that I could win something like this,
44:07
Speaker 4: and then you take home not one, but two world titles.
44:10
Speaker 2: What do you attribute that level of success to.
44:16
Speaker 4: Knowing that you've struggled with negative self talk and you're
44:19
Speaker 4: constantly a work in progress trying to navigate that inner dialogue,
44:24
Speaker 4: what would you say helped you find success as an
44:29
Speaker 4: early adopter of this sport.
44:31
Speaker 1: I've always thought that I was a tough person, and
44:36
Speaker 1: that's part of why it was so heartbreaking when I
44:38
Speaker 1: started to think I'm not tough anymore because of being sick,
44:41
Speaker 1: but I've always thought, oh, you're tough, and maybe you're
44:46
Speaker 1: not the most talented, or maybe you're talented but you
44:49
Speaker 1: don't work the hardest. But in training, because I also
44:53
Speaker 1: do like I don't do high mileage training, my training
44:57
Speaker 1: compared to some other pros might look like it doesn't
45:01
Speaker 1: belong in the professional world, but that's.
45:03
Speaker 3: What works for me.
45:04
Speaker 1: And then on race day, I'm tough, and I tell
45:08
Speaker 1: myself in races, you can do this.
45:10
Speaker 3: Just be tough.
45:11
Speaker 1: Just keep moving forward, even if that's slower, or even
45:15
Speaker 1: if that's a hike in a trail race because it's
45:18
Speaker 1: too steep to run, Just keep moving forward. And I
45:21
Speaker 1: think maybe that, mixed with some stubbornness to keep going,
45:27
Speaker 1: is what has propelled me to that success.
45:31
Speaker 4: My heart breaks when you say I've always thought that
45:35
Speaker 4: I was tough, and that there was a moment that
45:37
Speaker 4: made you ask yourself, am I even who I've thought
45:41
Speaker 4: that I've always been?
45:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a tough dark time. Now I'm only
45:46
Speaker 1: two months out of that, so it's still very fresh
45:49
Speaker 1: and I still have those thoughts sometimes.
45:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, when those creep in for you what's your first instinct.
45:59
Speaker 1: No, that I have a diagnosis. It's a lot easier
46:02
Speaker 1: to be like, no, it's you have something wrong with
46:06
Speaker 1: you that isn't your fault, that is clinically and diagnostically wrong,
46:13
Speaker 1: So don't blame this on yourself. But before, when I
46:17
Speaker 1: didn't have that, it was kind of to spiral and think, oh,
46:24
Speaker 1: it's me, like I'm the problem, and internalize all of that.
46:28
Speaker 2: I appreciate you for sharing that.
46:30
Speaker 4: And again, vulnerability in your lived experience is something that
46:35
Speaker 4: is so relatable and pretending as though this wasn't something
46:39
Speaker 4: that like truly impacts you, That wouldn't be realistic in
46:44
Speaker 4: the slightest As you think about moving forward now, Greyson,
46:49
Speaker 4: what does that path ahead look like for you?
46:54
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I hope someone I don't know
46:56
Speaker 1: if anyone can answer it. I don't know if I
46:58
Speaker 1: can answer that either. I think I want to find out.
47:02
Speaker 1: I still I don't know if I can do all
47:05
Speaker 1: that I want to do and bey on and immuno
47:08
Speaker 1: suppress it.
47:10
Speaker 3: I don't know if I will be a pro runner.
47:14
Speaker 3: Do I want to be a pro runner?
47:15
Speaker 1: In this context, there's a lot of questions for myself
47:19
Speaker 1: to answer too. And I think with this year moving forward,
47:22
Speaker 1: I just want to show up authentically for people and
47:26
Speaker 1: for myself and see where that takes me. Whether that's
47:31
Speaker 1: a different direction. Maybe it's pro running, but it looks
47:34
Speaker 1: different than it used to. Maybe it's a different direction altogether.
47:39
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I want to see where it goes.
47:43
Speaker 1: But I also want to give myself that not out,
47:46
Speaker 1: but a chance to not force something to be that.
47:49
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just I've outgrown or that isn't for me
47:53
Speaker 1: anymore due to this new context of life.
47:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, and again easier said than done.
48:00
Speaker 4: Right when you ask yourself, do I even want to
48:04
Speaker 4: be a pro runner anymore?
48:07
Speaker 2: What else do you see could be in your future?
48:11
Speaker 3: I have always.
48:12
Speaker 1: Wanted to have a real job. I just finished defending
48:15
Speaker 1: my master's thesis a couple of weeks ago, and I've
48:19
Speaker 1: been working with a biochar company on that and I
48:22
Speaker 1: would love to keep working with them. And I still
48:27
Speaker 1: love science. That's something that's been on the back burner
48:30
Speaker 1: for the last seven years. So I've been focused more
48:33
Speaker 1: on running, and I would love to kind of have
48:36
Speaker 1: a career in that way. Yeah, I would love to
48:38
Speaker 1: use my brain more.
48:41
Speaker 4: We are almost made to believe that we're supposed to
48:46
Speaker 4: choose a career at twenty one, and this is what
48:49
Speaker 4: we do literally for the next like forty fifty sixty
48:54
Speaker 4: years if we're lucky, right. I mean, I don't know
48:56
Speaker 4: anyone that really wants to retire at eighty, So let's
48:58
Speaker 4: say the next forty five years, right, And that could
49:03
Speaker 4: be well and good. But there's so much opportunity that
49:07
Speaker 4: we have in our life to try new things, experiment,
49:10
Speaker 4: And so I love when you say, hey, I have
49:14
Speaker 4: this other avenue that also actually really excites me, and
49:17
Speaker 4: I think I could be very happy pursuing it.
49:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's exciting, and it's nice to have that option
49:24
Speaker 1: out there. And that made me think of something to this.
49:27
Speaker 1: When I was kind of thinking I needed to take
49:31
Speaker 1: a little step back and let my body kind of
49:34
Speaker 1: come back, I realized I've done so many big things.
49:37
Speaker 1: Running has taken me to China, to all these amazing places,
49:42
Speaker 1: to Patagonia. I've done all these big bucket list items,
49:45
Speaker 1: but I was missing some small bucket list items, like
49:50
Speaker 1: I have been with my fiance husband not Fyance anymore,
49:55
Speaker 1: for seven years, and we'd never kissed on New years
49:58
Speaker 1: because one of us was all always competing somewhere.
50:02
Speaker 3: So having that, like checking off.
50:04
Speaker 1: The little bucket list items, has been really fun and
50:08
Speaker 1: something that I think I want to do and focus
50:11
Speaker 1: on moving forward. I don't need to travel all the
50:15
Speaker 1: way around the world. I just want to do these
50:17
Speaker 1: little things at home that I've missed out on.
50:20
Speaker 4: Someone comes to your social media page and they see
50:25
Speaker 4: this pro runner with something like one hundred thousand followers
50:29
Speaker 4: who's just starting to get a little vulnerable about what
50:33
Speaker 4: it is that you've been going through for not only
50:35
Speaker 4: the past two months, but according to your doctors, for
50:39
Speaker 4: the better part of ten years. When you look in
50:42
Speaker 4: the mirror now, Grayson, what is it that you see
50:45
Speaker 4: looking back at you.
50:46
Speaker 1: I see someone that was struggling, and I feel bad
50:50
Speaker 1: for her. I wish I could tell her what was
50:54
Speaker 1: going on sooner so that she didn't take on so
50:57
Speaker 1: much mental burden and internal all of those feelings for
51:01
Speaker 1: so long. Yeah, and I think she worked so hard,
51:05
Speaker 1: but then she worked too hard, almost into it starting
51:09
Speaker 1: to like border on toxic, where that just keeps showing
51:13
Speaker 1: up got distorted, And I think there's a way to
51:17
Speaker 1: show up for yourself that isn't working, And that's important too.
51:21
Speaker 1: Everyone hustles so much and you get so caught up
51:24
Speaker 1: in it, and then you realize maybe that's not healthy.
51:29
Speaker 3: You need to take it back.
51:31
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just get tired, honestly, And I even professionally
51:36
Speaker 4: think of some of the things that I was able
51:40
Speaker 4: to do in my gosh mid twenties, and now fast
51:46
Speaker 4: forward for me ten plus two years later, it's not
51:50
Speaker 4: within the wheelhouse anymore. Neither do I even want it
51:53
Speaker 4: to be. I realized that that hustle culture doesn't feel
51:57
Speaker 4: good for me anymore. And so I come you to
52:00
Speaker 4: be in this transitional phase where you're asking yourself how
52:04
Speaker 4: do I want to feel and getting honest about what
52:07
Speaker 4: that answer is and what's within your power to get there.
52:11
Speaker 3: Yeah.
52:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think being okay to recognize when you've outgrown
52:16
Speaker 1: things is okay too. You've outgrown the hustle culture, or
52:21
Speaker 1: you've outgrown your way of doing something, even if you've
52:24
Speaker 1: been doing it that way for a long time, you
52:26
Speaker 1: can grow as a person and recognizing that and then
52:30
Speaker 1: moving on, maybe leaving it behind, is okay. And I
52:34
Speaker 1: don't think people do that enough.
52:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, what would you say excites you right now, Grayson.
52:40
Speaker 1: Me and my husband just bought a house in Bozeman,
52:44
Speaker 1: so I'm really excited about starting that chapter with him.
52:48
Speaker 1: He was a professional ski racer and I was a
52:51
Speaker 1: professional runner still am so our schedules lining up was
52:56
Speaker 1: really difficult, and we did long distance for a long time.
52:59
Speaker 1: And finally being kind of settled with him and looking
53:02
Speaker 1: forward to that is really exciting.
53:04
Speaker 2: I need to get to Bozeman asap.
53:06
Speaker 4: I've heard so many good things about Bozeman, Montana.
53:11
Speaker 1: It's amazing. I did not used to think that in
53:14
Speaker 1: all honesty. Logan really and it is from here, and
53:18
Speaker 1: so I've been a lot and everyone was like it's amazing,
53:21
Speaker 1: and I was resisting. It was two mainstream like no,
53:25
Speaker 1: it's not. I don't like it. But now I've been
53:29
Speaker 1: here long enough and it's really growing on me.
53:31
Speaker 4: So I need to get there. I'm coming out. I'm
53:33
Speaker 4: coming to visit Grayson right now. You have an opportunity
53:39
Speaker 4: to offer yourself a piece of advice. I want to
53:42
Speaker 4: go back to before you had your diagnosis, before you
53:47
Speaker 4: had an understanding of what was happening within your own body,
53:50
Speaker 4: when you were saying to yourself, maybe I'm just not
53:54
Speaker 4: tough anymore.
53:55
Speaker 2: Knowing what you know now.
53:57
Speaker 4: What advice would you give to yourself going through that hurdle?
54:02
Speaker 1: To be kinder to myself and don't expect so much
54:08
Speaker 1: out of myself.
54:10
Speaker 3: And that tough doesn't.
54:11
Speaker 1: Mean running hard. It can mean navigating a health crisis gracefully.
54:17
Speaker 1: And tough can mean being kind. I guess too, I
54:20
Speaker 1: think those go together.
54:22
Speaker 4: Tough can mean being kind to Grayson. I'm so happy
54:26
Speaker 4: that we were able to sit down today. For those
54:28
Speaker 4: that aren't following along with you at just yet on
54:31
Speaker 4: social where do they find you?
54:34
Speaker 3: Grayson Grayson on Instagram?
54:37
Speaker 2: Perfect?
54:37
Speaker 4: And of course we can't forget to plug Wild Strides
54:41
Speaker 4: as well.
54:42
Speaker 2: Go grab yourself a planner. You deserve one.
54:46
Speaker 4: I'm over at Emily Abodi and at Hurdle Podcast Another
54:50
Speaker 4: Hurdle Conquered.
54:51
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time