Latest / Becoming / Rob Nelson: Different but Better

Transcript

Rob Nelson: Different but Better · Becoming

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Speaker 1: Is there like a rule of thumb that most founder
0:02
Speaker 1: CEOs follow in terms of coming home?
0:05
Speaker 2: Having the supportive partner was number one in any success
0:10
Speaker 2: that I've had. And I'd say the second thing that
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Speaker 2: was the most impactful for me is having a really
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Speaker 2: good tight-knit peer group that I could really open up
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Speaker 2: and share those concerns with or fears and doubts. Not
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Speaker 2: saying I wouldn't share them with my wife because I'm
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Speaker 2: trying to protect her and give her the security, it's
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Speaker 2: a lonely place. You need some outlet to share that with.
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Speaker 2: I've found really great peer groups of people that meet
0:38
Speaker 2: once a month and share the highs and lows of
0:41
Speaker 2: everything and what's really going on. So that's been really helpful.
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Speaker 1: Everybody, welcome back to the Fatherhood Movement Podcast. I'm your host,
0:51
Speaker 1: Bubba Page. I have a quick update before I introduce
0:54
Speaker 1: our guest. We are building a new application called Becoming. Becoming.app
1:01
Speaker 1: is where you'll find it. We're just in the beginning phases,
1:04
Speaker 1: so we would love to have alpha and beta users
1:06
Speaker 1: test us out, help us to know what's the best
1:09
Speaker 1: way to go about it. But this podcast will be
1:11
Speaker 1: shifting from the Fatherhood Movement branding to Becoming. It's just
1:16
Speaker 1: one of those things. We can become a better father,
1:18
Speaker 1: become a better mother, become a better entrepreneur, become a
1:21
Speaker 1: better investor. These are the elements of this movement that
1:25
Speaker 1: I really wanted in the first place. And fatherhood, it
1:28
Speaker 1: did narrow it down a little bit. We want to
1:30
Speaker 1: include both mothers and fathers in this movement as we
1:33
Speaker 1: go about. So becoming is now your place to come
1:39
Speaker 1: and be here with me. So thank you for being here.
1:40
Speaker 1: You guys, the guest we have today, Mr. Rob Nelson.
1:45
Speaker 1: I think we've known each other for almost 15 years.
1:48
Speaker 2: Holy smokes.
1:49
Speaker 1: Rob is a phenomenal entrepreneur, an incredible investor. We've shared
1:53
Speaker 1: deals back and forth a bunch. He is a wonderful dad.
1:57
Speaker 1: And I have first chance in Puerto Rico, which is
2:00
Speaker 1: where his family lives most of the time, seeing him
2:03
Speaker 1: as a seminary teacher, which is fantastic.
2:05
Speaker 2: I forgot about you and Hutch came.
2:07
Speaker 1: That was so great. We came bright and early morning,
2:09
Speaker 1: 6 or 6.30. 6 a.m., yeah. It was fantastic. Awesome.
2:13
Speaker 1: So you guys, I'm just so excited to have you here.
2:15
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining me.
2:16
Speaker 1: Yeah. He's in Utah for a little bit this summer.
2:19
Speaker 2: We spend summers here in Utah.
2:20
Speaker 1: I love it.
2:21
Speaker 2: Utah summers are hard to beat.
2:22
Speaker 1: We love it here. That's so good.
2:24
Speaker 2: You know, I grew up here, met my wife here
2:27
Speaker 2: in college. Yeah. We've been here forever until we moved
2:31
Speaker 2: to Puerto Rico five years ago.
2:33
Speaker 1: Five years. And how many kids do you have again?
2:35
Speaker 1: We have five kids. Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Our oldest is a boy, four daughters. And we moved
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Speaker 2: when our oldest was going into his senior year of
2:43
Speaker 2: high school.
2:44
Speaker 1: Wow. Talk about life change. Yeah.
2:46
Speaker 2: Big life change.
2:47
Speaker 1: And now you have how many that are married? Where
2:49
Speaker 1: is everybody? So just so we get the land.
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Speaker 2: Oldest is married last year. My daughter, my next oldest
2:55
Speaker 2: daughter just got married two weeks ago. And- We moved
2:58
Speaker 2: my next daughter into college this summer. So it's like
3:02
Speaker 2: big changes in our family.
3:03
Speaker 1: That is so crazy. So we're down to two at home.
3:07
Speaker 1: Now you only have two.
3:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
3:09
Speaker 1: It's a little bit different than the eight I still
3:11
Speaker 1: have at home, right? Six to 16. So I got lucky.
3:14
Speaker 1: I got to bring my oldest. Thank you for even
3:16
Speaker 1: like having us around. We came and visited Puerto Rico,
3:19
Speaker 1: got to share in the amazing culture that is down there.
3:23
Speaker 1: That was such a fun experience, honestly.
3:25
Speaker 2: It was fun having you there.
3:27
Speaker 1: Okay. So I've got to ask this question because a
3:29
Speaker 1: lot of you who maybe have known or heard of
3:31
Speaker 1: Rob's story before, you've built multiple companies and, you know, successes,
3:36
Speaker 1: a couple, maybe, or things that didn't always pan out,
3:40
Speaker 1: but you've had some amazing successes that prompted you to
3:43
Speaker 1: move to Puerto Rico. There's some benefits to go down
3:46
Speaker 1: to Puerto Rico, right? And I wanted to talk, you know,
3:50
Speaker 1: you've been teaching seminary down there, you've been a leader
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Speaker 1: in the church, as you've helped down there. You've been
3:56
Speaker 1: raising your family down there. So which of these experiences,
4:01
Speaker 1: whether it's building the companies, raising the family, teaching the seminary,
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Speaker 1: moving to Puerto Rico, which of these has stretched you
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Speaker 1: the most? That's what I want to know.
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Speaker 2: I mean, I'd say for sure raising a family. That's
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Speaker 2: the hardest job, right?
4:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, most fulfilling. And most fulfilling.
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Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, for sure. My greatest happiness has come from
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Speaker 2: my own family and kids and marriage. And I would
4:28
Speaker 2: answer it my family. You know, I think the hardest
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Speaker 2: thing that I've done, you know, and maybe just put
4:36
Speaker 2: it a little bit differently, the hardest thing I've done
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Speaker 2: is being an entrepreneur.
4:39
Speaker 1: Yeah.
4:40
Speaker 2: But we moved down when, you know, it was COVID
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Speaker 2: and I was working on kind of prepping my last
4:47
Speaker 2: company to sell. And so anyway, that's how I would
4:52
Speaker 2: answer that.
4:52
Speaker 1: Yeah. So being an entrepreneur, one of the things, there's
4:55
Speaker 1: a lot of entrepreneurs watching, whether they're doing it full
4:58
Speaker 1: time or they're doing it on the side, they want
5:00
Speaker 1: to be an entrepreneur. And so when I love having
5:03
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs on the show like you, because you've not only
5:06
Speaker 1: done that, but raised a family at the same time, you've,
5:10
Speaker 1: you know, for the most part, from my understanding, you've
5:12
Speaker 1: kept the faith, right? And you've done a good job.
5:15
Speaker 1: You've been able to be an investor and build, you know,
5:19
Speaker 1: more abundance for your family. You've, been very generous to
5:22
Speaker 1: other people. Like you're an amazing example of what people
5:26
Speaker 1: can be. And I know I'm tooting your horn right
5:29
Speaker 1: now and just accept the compliment. Cause I know you
5:32
Speaker 1: struggle with accepting those compliments, right? But if you were
5:35
Speaker 1: to talk to an early entrepreneur right now, who's just
5:39
Speaker 1: getting started, you're looking back at yourself. What are some
5:42
Speaker 1: of the things that you wish you knew as an entrepreneur,
5:46
Speaker 1: as an entrepreneur? Yeah.
5:47
Speaker 2: You know, I think some of the best business advice
5:50
Speaker 2: I ever received is was like, look, there's no experts.
5:54
Speaker 2: It just comes down to common sense and just add value.
5:59
Speaker 1: And that's it.
6:00
Speaker 2: And so I come back to that. And there's a
6:03
Speaker 2: great saying I was taught early on of the business
6:07
Speaker 2: of doing business. And the business of doing business is
6:11
Speaker 2: getting more and more customers, staying longer and longer, buying
6:15
Speaker 2: more products and services from you at a higher margin,
6:19
Speaker 2: relative to the competition and relative to the market. And
6:24
Speaker 2: it's kind of really simply put, right? The business of
6:27
Speaker 2: doing business. And that's what, you know, I love so much.
6:33
Speaker 2: And in a way it's an act of service. I mean,
6:36
Speaker 2: you're trying to provide value. And I'd say, and I
6:40
Speaker 2: really sincerely mean this, like the best thing and second
6:45
Speaker 2: best thing is, you know, Creating something and then having
6:52
Speaker 2: somebody say, hey, this was really amazing and it really
6:56
Speaker 2: helped me. Thank you. And they give you a check.
6:59
Speaker 2: And you're like, are you kidding me? I got paid
7:01
Speaker 2: for this? It's like, this is the best. Second best.
7:04
Speaker 2: You know, and the first best for me is like,
7:08
Speaker 2: you know, when you teach the gospel and the spirit
7:11
Speaker 2: is there to testify.
7:12
Speaker 1: Yeah.
7:13
Speaker 2: And you're both feeling it. And that's why I think
7:17
Speaker 2: being a seminary teacher is like the greatest calling in
7:19
Speaker 2: the world.
7:19
Speaker 1: That's awesome. I love that.
7:21
Speaker 2: But, um, yeah, so I, I would say, you know,
7:26
Speaker 2: as an entrepreneur, you just boil it down to common
7:29
Speaker 2: sense and add value.
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Speaker 1: So now it feels like a lot of the younger
7:33
Speaker 1: entrepreneurs are trying to find just the quick scheme. Now
7:36
Speaker 1: it probably was the same as we were, you know,
7:39
Speaker 1: entering entrepreneurship, but for some reason I didn't really know
7:42
Speaker 1: or think that there even was a quick way. It just,
7:45
Speaker 1: I knew it was going to be a grind because
7:46
Speaker 1: that's how I saw the people before me go. It
7:49
Speaker 1: was going to be a grind. That's the way they
7:50
Speaker 1: talked about it was being an entrepreneur is a grind.
7:53
Speaker 1: The hope is that you might work harder or differently
7:58
Speaker 1: than people might for the first five or 10 years
8:00
Speaker 1: of your career so that you can live like nobody
8:03
Speaker 1: can after that. And that was true for me of
8:08
Speaker 1: busting my butt for those first five to 10 years
8:12
Speaker 1: and really having to grind it out. I think a
8:14
Speaker 1: lot of times the younger generation is looking at how
8:16
Speaker 1: did they do it super fast? Cause they see that
8:19
Speaker 1: they hear the stories, you know, one year, two year exit, or,
8:22
Speaker 1: you know, somebody gets acquired by somebody. I think they,
8:27
Speaker 1: they don't realize the amount of time it took to
8:29
Speaker 1: use for most of people out there to build something. Um,
8:33
Speaker 1: and how long it took. So remind me your first business.
8:36
Speaker 1: Cause you've done a few, you've raised a bunch of
8:39
Speaker 1: money from investors. What was one of the very first ones?
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Speaker 2: The first one was I was in college and my
8:48
Speaker 2: dad had come to me and said, hey, I invested
8:52
Speaker 2: in this little startup and they don't have anyone selling it.
8:55
Speaker 2: And the startup is losing money. Like, do you want
8:58
Speaker 2: to just go figure out how to sell this thing?
9:01
Speaker 2: And you can open up an office and treat it
9:05
Speaker 2: like your own little thing. So there was this opportunity
9:08
Speaker 2: there that, you know, was really great. And the alternative
9:13
Speaker 2: for me was probably working at Olive Garden or something,
9:16
Speaker 2: busing tables. I was like, all right, that beats the
9:18
Speaker 2: Olive Garden. Let me try and do this. Like, you know,
9:21
Speaker 2: I served a mission.
9:23
Speaker 1: You can sell. I can sell.
9:24
Speaker 2: I can grind on the, you know, and pound the
9:26
Speaker 2: phones or whatever. And so I opened up a dumpy
9:29
Speaker 2: little office in Provo and just went in and made
9:34
Speaker 2: cold call after cold call and got a script and,
9:37
Speaker 2: you know, cranked out a hundred calls a day and
9:40
Speaker 2: could not sell anything. And I just thought I was like,
9:43
Speaker 2: you know, like, Hey, I thought I could succeed at
9:46
Speaker 2: this and I'm not. And it was like months of this.
9:50
Speaker 1: Oh, shoot.
9:51
Speaker 2: And I'd call the company and said, look, none of
9:54
Speaker 2: this is like Japanese to me. Can I just come
9:56
Speaker 2: in and see what you guys do so I can
9:59
Speaker 2: simplify this? They're like, it's way too complex. You wouldn't
10:01
Speaker 2: understand it. Just stick to the script. So I went
10:04
Speaker 2: back to my dad a few months later. I'm like,
10:05
Speaker 2: this thing is a dog. Like you need to dump
10:08
Speaker 2: it or something. Like I can't, I can't do, I'm
10:12
Speaker 2: not doing anything with it. And, and I went to him,
10:16
Speaker 2: I said, what if I, took it over and ran
10:19
Speaker 2: it as cheap as I could to get your money
10:21
Speaker 2: out of it. Cause it's kind of distracting for you.
10:23
Speaker 2: And there's a handful of people that are highly paid
10:27
Speaker 2: that aren't doing, you.
10:28
Speaker 1: Know, it's not working. Yeah.
10:30
Speaker 2: And I don't think he had anything to lose. And
10:32
Speaker 2: he's like, all right, you know, and so I hired
10:34
Speaker 2: a gal and her and I took it over. And
10:38
Speaker 2: just once I, once you talk to customers comes back
10:41
Speaker 2: to common sense, right? You just talk to customers like, Hey,
10:44
Speaker 2: we do all this stuff for you.
10:46
Speaker 1: What do you like?
10:46
Speaker 2: And what do you, not care about they're like oh
10:50
Speaker 2: 90 of what you do we just throw it we
10:51
Speaker 2: dump it we throw in the garbage i'm like wait
10:54
Speaker 2: i'm printing all this stuff out i'm like we're spending
10:56
Speaker 2: so much time and you just dump it in the
10:59
Speaker 2: garbage like yeah but this 10 is super valuable to
11:02
Speaker 2: us like don't change anything here wow i was like
11:06
Speaker 2: oh okay so then i modified the pitch started to
11:09
Speaker 2: get traction on that 10 yeah amazing yeah strip out
11:13
Speaker 2: a bunch of the stuff and and then.
11:15
Speaker 1: Uh There's so many lessons here. I have to pause
11:18
Speaker 1: you for a second. There's so many lessons here. Okay,
11:20
Speaker 1: so number one, one of the best skills you can
11:22
Speaker 1: have as an entrepreneur is selling. So however you can
11:25
Speaker 1: as a young entrepreneur, or if you're a stay-at-home mom,
11:27
Speaker 1: or if you're a nine-to-fiver, but you want to be
11:30
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, learn how to sell.
11:32
Speaker 2: 100%.
11:32
Speaker 1: Because if you know how to sell, that generates revenue typically. Another,
11:38
Speaker 1: I love the lesson here is talk to customers. Because
11:42
Speaker 1: if you don't talk to enough customers, how are you
11:44
Speaker 1: going to know what that 10% is that they really want?
11:47
Speaker 1: because most products or ideas that you have as an entrepreneur,
11:50
Speaker 1: most people aren't going to want. That's why businesses fail
11:53
Speaker 1: all the time. But if you're talking to customers all
11:55
Speaker 1: the time, then you'll know what they want. And hopefully
11:57
Speaker 1: you can build that. So I love the sales skills,
12:00
Speaker 1: the talking to the customers. And then you just, you
12:02
Speaker 1: hustled a hundred calls a day. Oh, that's painful.
12:05
Speaker 2: I mean, I got married at the time. I remember
12:07
Speaker 2: coming home to my wife crying a few times. Like
12:11
Speaker 2: I feel like a total failure.
12:12
Speaker 1: Yeah.
12:13
Speaker 2: I cannot sell anything. And I thought I would, succeed
12:17
Speaker 2: at this and it's just not working and you just
12:20
Speaker 2: keep grinding and, you know, eventually some door opens up,
12:24
Speaker 2: you know, and I, I think that's the, you know, you,
12:27
Speaker 2: you look, yeah, you look back on entrepreneurial journeys and
12:31
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've got the same stories, right? Of like, man,
12:34
Speaker 2: there was no light at the end of the tunnel
12:36
Speaker 2: and you just kind of show up every day anyway.
12:38
Speaker 1: Yeah.
12:39
Speaker 2: And then certain doors open and certain opportunities and it
12:43
Speaker 2: all kind of.
12:44
Speaker 1: It compounds. I think that effort, that grind, that effort,
12:47
Speaker 1: it compounds over time, right? And to be able to
12:51
Speaker 1: help you. So you mentioned your wife early on, you
12:54
Speaker 1: guys are trying to figure out this business. How do
12:57
Speaker 1: we help spouses understand each other when they're building a business?
13:01
Speaker 1: Because this is tough, being married to an entrepreneur or
13:04
Speaker 1: being an entrepreneur and trying to convey what you're doing
13:08
Speaker 1: and how important it is, but yet you have this family.
13:12
Speaker 1: Help us. Help us entrepreneurs know like, how do I
13:16
Speaker 1: create the best marital environment as an entrepreneur? Or if
13:21
Speaker 1: the person's listening is a spouse of an entrepreneur. Yeah.
13:24
Speaker 2: And I would say for sure, having a supportive spouse and,
13:30
Speaker 2: you know, through the whole journey has made the biggest
13:34
Speaker 2: difference for me. And she's just been a champion and
13:40
Speaker 2: biggest cheerleader and, has given me confidence when I didn't
13:44
Speaker 2: have confidence in myself at the time, you know, but
13:47
Speaker 2: that's made the biggest impact for me.
13:50
Speaker 1: How did you create enough trust for her to be
13:53
Speaker 1: able to be, be okay with that? Because I think
13:56
Speaker 1: some entrepreneurial spouses may have a harder time with the
14:00
Speaker 1: risk at play because not all businesses pan out. Yeah.
14:05
Speaker 1: So there is a significant risk.
14:07
Speaker 2: You know, that is such a good question. And, fortunately
14:13
Speaker 2: she's probably more entrepreneurial than i am and she's a
14:17
Speaker 2: little more you know she her and i've always been
14:20
Speaker 2: aligned on the risk side that's awesome so i don't
14:24
Speaker 2: know what that's like to have a partner that's like
14:25
Speaker 2: no no no you get the same job nine to
14:29
Speaker 2: five you know as secure as you can and i
14:33
Speaker 2: don't want to i'm not comfortable with any risk yeah
14:35
Speaker 2: and that's not my wife yeah um And I just,
14:39
Speaker 2: I don't know what that would be like.
14:41
Speaker 1: I think it's fascinating. The topic is tough because obviously
14:45
Speaker 1: if you're in the dating world, making sure that that's
14:49
Speaker 1: very open in the dialogue that, hey, I'm an entrepreneur
14:51
Speaker 1: and this is kind of the life I'm going to
14:53
Speaker 1: be living is probably an important discussion to have. If
14:57
Speaker 1: you're already married to someone and they're used to the
14:59
Speaker 1: nine to five, but you're dying inside because you can't
15:03
Speaker 1: stand the nine to five and you want to do
15:05
Speaker 1: your own thing, The open communication of like, this is
15:10
Speaker 1: going to put us at risk. And so, you know,
15:14
Speaker 1: a lot of the guys or gals that come to
15:16
Speaker 1: me with, hey, can I start something? I've got a
15:18
Speaker 1: nine to five job, but I want to start. A
15:20
Speaker 1: lot of them will say, I'm going to quit my
15:22
Speaker 1: job and go all in on this idea. And I'm like, wait, wait,
15:26
Speaker 1: hold on for a second. And just to help them
15:30
Speaker 1: ideate first, come up with the idea and then validate
15:34
Speaker 1: the idea first.
15:35
Speaker 2: Validate it first.
15:36
Speaker 1: Before you take off, you have the security blanket of
15:39
Speaker 1: a nine to five, go do a good job at
15:41
Speaker 1: your job. Don't, don't, you know, do a half a
15:45
Speaker 1: job there. That's not honest work, right? Do a good
15:49
Speaker 1: job at work, but then instead of watching Netflix, spend
15:52
Speaker 1: two or three hours at night after the kids are
15:54
Speaker 1: in bed or whatever, building that side hustle. Yeah. And
15:58
Speaker 1: so talk about this kind of thing.
16:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, 100%. I think, you know, a couple of thoughts
16:06
Speaker 2: with all of that. One, you know, I eventually sold
16:10
Speaker 2: that first company. Thought this would be really cool to
16:13
Speaker 2: do what we do just at a higher, you know,
16:16
Speaker 2: with more resources, bigger scale inside this bigger company that
16:20
Speaker 2: bought us. And then I was really unhappy and would
16:25
Speaker 2: complain and whine about it. About my job, you know,
16:28
Speaker 2: and it was, I've never had a job at that point.
16:33
Speaker 2: And I remember talking to my dad and he gave
16:34
Speaker 2: me great advice. He said, look, don't quit and start
16:37
Speaker 2: another company because you're miserable at your job. Only do
16:41
Speaker 2: that and quit and go start another company when the
16:44
Speaker 2: opportunity is passing you by and you can't sleep at night.
16:48
Speaker 2: Because that's the fuel that you'll need and like fire
16:51
Speaker 2: in the belly to like get through, you know, what
16:54
Speaker 2: it takes to go build the next company. And so
16:57
Speaker 2: I just had to like sit and stew for a
16:59
Speaker 2: few months to say, look, like, okay, I've got to
17:03
Speaker 2: be motivated by not a, you know, a job that
17:06
Speaker 2: I'm unhappy at, but like an opportunity that is just
17:09
Speaker 2: killing me that I'm not working on a full time.
17:11
Speaker 2: And then a hundred percent, like, I think when you
17:14
Speaker 2: look at the data, uh, you're better off financially just
17:19
Speaker 2: staying at the job.
17:20
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
17:21
Speaker 2: Typically there has to be something in you that is
17:24
Speaker 2: like stirring your saying, I got to go build.
17:27
Speaker 1: I got to go create this.
17:28
Speaker 2: I got to go solve this problem. I got to
17:30
Speaker 2: go add value here because I know it can be done.
17:32
Speaker 2: And then the last thought that I have with this
17:36
Speaker 2: is when I was going through the process of selling
17:40
Speaker 2: my company, that first company, and my wife was so
17:43
Speaker 2: insightful and just had such good instincts through that whole process.
17:49
Speaker 2: I thought, why haven't I relied on her more? And
17:52
Speaker 2: so when I started and started working on the next company,
17:55
Speaker 2: And going through the difficulties that we had with that company,
17:59
Speaker 2: I wanted a partner to kind of like share and
18:01
Speaker 2: open up. And I probably overshared and talked about my
18:08
Speaker 2: fears and stresses and worries. And it created instability for her.
18:15
Speaker 2: And she went through like some serious depression for like
18:18
Speaker 2: two years. And I think that those two were related. Yeah.
18:22
Speaker 2: And so on the flip side, it's like with having
18:24
Speaker 2: that supportive partner, it's like part of what you need
18:29
Speaker 2: to do is to make sure that they feel stable
18:34
Speaker 2: depending on where they're at. And I wish I would
18:37
Speaker 2: have gone back and just like, because she wasn't there
18:40
Speaker 2: in the office. She didn't see the wins and the
18:41
Speaker 2: progress that we were making and all of the little
18:44
Speaker 2: things that counterbalance the stress and the negatives. Right. And so,
18:49
Speaker 2: you know, now that I've got my oldest daughter just
18:52
Speaker 2: got married and I'm like, man, I, I hope that,
18:55
Speaker 2: you know, if her husband works full time and she's
18:59
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom, I hope that her husband
19:02
Speaker 2: doesn't come and dump the stresses of the job on her.
19:06
Speaker 2: I hope he just makes her feel stable and secure
19:11
Speaker 2: and like, I'll take that on. Yeah.
19:13
Speaker 1: Well, and I think if we think about the father's
19:15
Speaker 1: perspective of like, Providing for the family is a core characteristic.
19:20
Speaker 1: Presiding over the family and protecting the family. The three Ps. Right,
19:26
Speaker 1: the three Ps. So those are the most important elements, right?
19:29
Speaker 1: The protection isn't just the physical protection. It's the emotional
19:32
Speaker 1: protection too. And so for us to stay grounded, even
19:36
Speaker 1: when the storm is raging outside, is something that I've
19:41
Speaker 1: had to learn over time too. I know that I would,
19:45
Speaker 1: you know, if I did share... Just like you, it
19:48
Speaker 1: would cause, it would cause. some struggles for sure. And
19:52
Speaker 1: so I wonder though, because we want to have these
19:54
Speaker 1: open dialogue with our spouse. We want to be able
19:56
Speaker 1: to have them involved in the wins and the losses
19:58
Speaker 1: along for the ride. But this is an interesting, you know,
20:04
Speaker 1: component that maybe not everyone will agree with of how
20:07
Speaker 1: much do you share? with your spouse who doesn't see
20:11
Speaker 1: everything and doesn't know, uh, you know, everyone in the
20:14
Speaker 1: office and what's, they're not in every meeting. Um, and
20:20
Speaker 1: so I think, I think about that concept and I
20:22
Speaker 1: wonder if there is, I don't know the answer to this. I'm,
20:25
Speaker 1: I'm asking, is there like a rule of thumb that
20:28
Speaker 1: most founder CEOs follow when it, in terms of coming home?
20:33
Speaker 1: Like I know I would try to put the phone away.
20:36
Speaker 1: For the time when, you know, it was family time
20:38
Speaker 1: and then I'd have to probably pick it back up
20:39
Speaker 1: when the kids were in bed. But what's like a
20:43
Speaker 1: protocol or what would you suggest that founders do when
20:47
Speaker 1: they come home?
20:49
Speaker 2: Well, having the supportive partner was number one in any
20:55
Speaker 2: success that I've had. And I'd say the second thing
20:59
Speaker 2: that was the most impactful for me is having a
21:02
Speaker 2: really good tight-knit peer group that I could really open
21:07
Speaker 2: up and share those concerns with.
21:10
Speaker 1: I love it.
21:10
Speaker 2: All of the fears and doubts and not saying I
21:13
Speaker 2: wouldn't share them with my wife because I would. It's
21:16
Speaker 2: just like trying to protect her and give her the security.
21:22
Speaker 2: It's a lonely place. Yeah. And You need some outlet
21:26
Speaker 2: to share that with. And so for me, I've found
21:29
Speaker 2: really great peer groups of people that meet once a
21:34
Speaker 2: month and share the highs and lows of everything and
21:38
Speaker 2: what's really going on. So that's been really helpful.
21:40
Speaker 1: I think both men and women need this.
21:42
Speaker 2: 100%.
21:43
Speaker 1: Because, you know, it's funny. In the fatherhood movement, the
21:48
Speaker 1: concept of helping us all try to be the best
21:53
Speaker 1: we can be. Um, I've created a men's group and
21:57
Speaker 1: a women's group specifically for this purpose. There's a founder's
22:01
Speaker 1: circle for the business folks, right? Um, because I, I
22:06
Speaker 1: 100% agree. If you don't already have this tight knit
22:09
Speaker 1: group that you can share the highs and the lows,
22:12
Speaker 1: you gotta find one. Um, because there, uh, I think.
22:18
Speaker 1: from a male man's perspective, we have to be able
22:21
Speaker 1: to open up and be as vulnerable as we can
22:24
Speaker 1: to allow some of the processing of those emotions. Um,
22:29
Speaker 1: and although you, you need to have an open dialogue
22:32
Speaker 1: and be vulnerable with your spouse, having that peer group,
22:35
Speaker 1: I think is absolutely critical. Um, so that we can
22:38
Speaker 1: show up at home as the grounded individual who is
22:42
Speaker 1: protecting and presiding and providing for that, for that family.
22:46
Speaker 2: And I've found that, a lot of those things of
22:51
Speaker 2: just the emotions of dealing with the issues or challenges
22:56
Speaker 2: or the setbacks at work. I mean, it's really best
23:01
Speaker 2: in these peer networks of just like discovering the emotions
23:05
Speaker 2: behind it. Right. I mean, you may have a scenario
23:08
Speaker 2: of like, Oh, this CFO embezzled money.
23:11
Speaker 1: Yeah.
23:11
Speaker 2: I'm so upset. I'm so angry. I'm so mad. And
23:16
Speaker 2: it's like, when you dig down, it's like, you know what?
23:18
Speaker 2: I'm mad at myself for allowing that to happen. I'm allowing,
23:21
Speaker 2: you know, I'm mad at myself that I didn't have
23:22
Speaker 2: the controls in place or better processes or whatever that is.
23:26
Speaker 2: And it's just like dealing with the emotions. And I
23:29
Speaker 2: haven't had that, but that's just one example of like,
23:32
Speaker 2: you know, you unpack some of these emotions that you
23:35
Speaker 2: can do in these groups of like, okay, that's really
23:39
Speaker 2: what's bothering me. And if you don't have that, it's
23:42
Speaker 2: just like, you're angry, you're upset. You don't know, you know,
23:47
Speaker 2: and it's like, it's all that person's fault. It's all
23:49
Speaker 2: their fault or whatever.
23:50
Speaker 1: But the other group members of the group can help
23:52
Speaker 1: you with perspective and learn from those things. I love that. Uh,
23:56
Speaker 1: that was definitely a motivation to create those men's groups,
23:59
Speaker 1: the women's groups.
23:59
Speaker 2: It's really cool to have it.
24:00
Speaker 1: Okay. So here's the thing, you know, not everybody knows
24:03
Speaker 1: the story of grow and, you know, from raising capital,
24:06
Speaker 1: we were raising capital about the same time. Um, I
24:08
Speaker 1: got lucky to even invest in the fund who funded
24:11
Speaker 1: you guys, which is great. Um, And, but even though
24:16
Speaker 1: you had, you know, raised capital, built a beautiful company,
24:19
Speaker 1: had an exit, went to Puerto Rico, you know, all
24:23
Speaker 1: this stuff, it's such a fun story. The question I
24:27
Speaker 1: have though, is that what's a chapter of your life
24:30
Speaker 1: that almost nobody knows that shaped who you became? So
24:35
Speaker 1: they may know the entrepreneur journey. They may know that
24:38
Speaker 1: that part of your story, but maybe what's another chapter
24:41
Speaker 1: that shaped who you became?
24:43
Speaker 2: Well, I think you know, and I've, you know, as
24:47
Speaker 2: you kind of walk through like, Oh, you built this
24:49
Speaker 2: beautiful company, you moved to Puerto Rico, you write off
24:52
Speaker 2: in the sunset. I mean, it sounds great. And I
24:55
Speaker 2: would say like, boy, it was hard. And we went through, um,
25:01
Speaker 2: really challenging things. And that has shaped me more than anything. Yeah. Right.
25:09
Speaker 2: It's just the difficulties of it. I mean, we, we,
25:13
Speaker 2: Saw a need and an opportunity. And it's like, I
25:16
Speaker 2: wish this existed because I needed this as a founder
25:21
Speaker 2: and CEO running my last company. So looked at the market.
25:26
Speaker 2: Nobody was like serving a specific use case that was
25:30
Speaker 2: my use case. And I said, I'm going to go
25:32
Speaker 2: create it for company number two. And then we launched it.
25:37
Speaker 2: And after we launched, Microsoft launched a competing product. Google
25:42
Speaker 2: launched a competing product. Amazon launched a product. And then
25:46
Speaker 2: Domo raised another $ 750 million.
25:48
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
25:49
Speaker 2: So it's like, oh, sheesh. Okay, now what do we do?
25:53
Speaker 2: And it's like, how do you, you know, we have
25:56
Speaker 2: to find a spot we can win.
25:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
26:00
Speaker 2: And doing that, it just took time and it was
26:05
Speaker 2: really hard. And, you know, we kind of figured it out,
26:09
Speaker 2: but we went through a lot of difficulty things around
26:13
Speaker 2: that right i mean like it was um that was
26:18
Speaker 2: a wild time you know i i would say the
26:20
Speaker 2: hardest hardest part of that or the hardest time was
26:25
Speaker 2: like realizing i've got to do another way round of
26:29
Speaker 2: layoffs i mean we had one maybe a few years
26:33
Speaker 2: before but like i've got a i've got and this
26:36
Speaker 2: one's going to be deep and i've got to cut
26:38
Speaker 2: like a third of the company oh And I remember being,
26:42
Speaker 2: I was so painful. Um, and I remember being in
26:46
Speaker 2: my office just kind of stewing on this, like what,
26:50
Speaker 2: what needed to be done.
26:53
Speaker 1: Right.
26:53
Speaker 2: And I, I think all of this is so hard.
26:56
Speaker 2: It makes it a little easier to do really, really
27:00
Speaker 2: hard things when you're really committed to the mission of
27:05
Speaker 2: what you're doing.
27:06
Speaker 1: Cause it's like.
27:06
Speaker 2: That comes first. Um, and, It's easier to have hard
27:12
Speaker 2: conversations when the mission comes first at all times.
27:17
Speaker 1: Right. So, but I.
27:18
Speaker 2: Remember being in my office thinking like just going through
27:22
Speaker 2: the weight of what needed to be done. And a
27:26
Speaker 2: series of questions came to me that helped create this
27:30
Speaker 2: framework of dealing with this really hard thing. And the
27:34
Speaker 2: first question was like, you still believe in what you're doing.
27:38
Speaker 2: You still believe in this mission. And I was like, yes,
27:42
Speaker 2: I still believe in what we're doing, 100%. And the
27:45
Speaker 2: next question was, do you still want to be doing
27:50
Speaker 2: this as the CEO? And I was like, sometimes. And
27:58
Speaker 2: then the next question is, are you still the best
28:01
Speaker 2: one to be doing this?
28:03
Speaker 1: Oh, interesting.
28:03
Speaker 2: Like, is there anyone else that could do this job
28:08
Speaker 2: better than you right now?
28:09
Speaker 1: Fascinating.
28:10
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, I still think that I
28:13
Speaker 2: am the best person to lead this right now and
28:15
Speaker 2: go through this hard, hard thing. And then the last
28:18
Speaker 2: question was, do others still think you're the right one?
28:23
Speaker 2: And so right then I started calling all of our investors,
28:29
Speaker 2: our main investors and like, Hey, here's the situation. I've
28:35
Speaker 2: gone through, you know, this, a lot of thinking and like,
28:38
Speaker 2: I'm about to do this. I need to know, like,
28:42
Speaker 2: are you committed to me or do you think somebody
28:44
Speaker 2: else should be in here running? I don't want to
28:45
Speaker 2: be surprised in a board meeting. And everybody had, you know,
28:51
Speaker 2: was really supportive.
28:51
Speaker 1: That was gutsy to go to them and ask that question.
28:54
Speaker 1: Because what if they said the opposite? What if they
28:58
Speaker 1: were to come and say. And they could have. They
29:00
Speaker 1: could have. Yeah. And they could have. Because they do
29:02
Speaker 1: it all the time.
29:02
Speaker 2: And I honestly didn't know the answer. When I called him.
29:06
Speaker 1: But that was gutsy. You felt the prompting. I mean,
29:11
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say it was a prompting, right?
29:13
Speaker 2: I'm not smart enough to think through this and create
29:17
Speaker 2: this kind of construct that came to me. It was
29:20
Speaker 2: 100% a prompting.
29:21
Speaker 1: I love it.
29:23
Speaker 2: How to think about this and the right questions to
29:27
Speaker 2: ask myself to come to this conclusion, which is what
29:30
Speaker 2: I needed to say, okay, I've gone through this kind
29:34
Speaker 2: of laddering approach to arrive at this, and so, as
29:40
Speaker 2: hard as this is, and I don't want to do it,
29:42
Speaker 2: I don't want to go through it. I'm the guy
29:46
Speaker 2: and I need to.
29:48
Speaker 1: I think sometimes a lot of us entrepreneurs, especially Christian entrepreneurs,
29:51
Speaker 1: we forget that God wants us to be successful. He
29:54
Speaker 1: wants us to have abundance and to be able to
29:56
Speaker 1: help other people. And so including God in your process,
30:02
Speaker 1: you know, I felt inspired to build a business. We
30:05
Speaker 1: were raising similar timeframes. Mine didn't pan out, right? Two
30:09
Speaker 1: and a half years later, had to shut it down.
30:11
Speaker 1: And I didn't know for another two years that I
30:14
Speaker 1: realized I had to go through that process. That was
30:16
Speaker 1: God's plan all along. I didn't know that. I was
30:20
Speaker 1: fairly frustrated when that was shut down, even though I
30:22
Speaker 1: felt inspired to start the business. But the lessons and
30:28
Speaker 1: the learning that I gained from having to go through
30:31
Speaker 1: that process was what I needed to secure my faith
30:34
Speaker 1: in Him. So from a personal standpoint, it was exactly
30:38
Speaker 1: the path God needed me to go down. I didn't
30:41
Speaker 1: know that, so I was frustrated. How did you.
30:44
Speaker 2: I mean, you had to have been thinking... I felt
30:50
Speaker 2: prompted to do this and it didn't work.
30:52
Speaker 1: I was mad. Why? Oh, I was frustrated. How did you?
30:55
Speaker 1: I didn't like curse God, right? But I definitely had
30:58
Speaker 1: many a prayer where I wrestled with God because I
31:01
Speaker 1: went through depths of depression and anxiety for the first
31:03
Speaker 1: time in my entire life in 2016. And I had
31:07
Speaker 1: never felt this stuff before. And having shut down something
31:10
Speaker 1: that I felt very clearly prompted to do and to
31:15
Speaker 1: make the sacrifice, right? The time, the opportunity costs, the
31:18
Speaker 1: family sacrifices. Um, I, we were blessed that we had
31:23
Speaker 1: another company that I had started in 2009 that took
31:26
Speaker 1: care of all of our financial needs throughout that, all
31:28
Speaker 1: that time. And that's the one that I sold in 2020, uh,
31:33
Speaker 1: because I had hired a CEO and all that stuff.
31:36
Speaker 1: That was a huge blessing, but, but the pain of
31:39
Speaker 1: going through building up and working so hard for two
31:42
Speaker 1: and a half, almost three years, and then shutting it down. Um,
31:45
Speaker 1: my prayers were different because it was like, what the heck?
31:49
Speaker 1: What happened? You told me to do this. I listened.
31:52
Speaker 1: I did it. I brought in the right people. I've
31:54
Speaker 1: been with you this whole time, you know, walking through
31:57
Speaker 1: this process. And yet it didn't pan out like I
32:00
Speaker 1: thought it would. And, you know, talk about being, the
32:04
Speaker 1: scriptures talk about being, you can either humble yourself or
32:07
Speaker 1: you can be compelled to be humbled. And unfortunately, I
32:10
Speaker 1: hate to admit this, I needed to be compelled. And
32:14
Speaker 1: that was a humbling experience for me. because I had
32:18
Speaker 1: another successful business. I was on top of the world.
32:20
Speaker 1: I was winning awards and on magazines and whatever. And
32:25
Speaker 1: that wasn't what God needed me to be or to know.
32:30
Speaker 1: He needed me to be humbled and turn my heart
32:33
Speaker 1: to Him. And when I had to shut it down,
32:36
Speaker 1: I turned my heart to Him. And that's when I
32:39
Speaker 1: started going to the temple and worshiping on a weekly basis.
32:41
Speaker 1: That's when I doubled down on my scripture study because
32:45
Speaker 1: I was, I was, I've always been a faithful Christian,
32:48
Speaker 1: but it wasn't until then where I feel like I
32:50
Speaker 1: was fully converted. Like, you know, I served a mission
32:52
Speaker 1: in Brazil and loved it and I had a blast
32:55
Speaker 1: doing it, but it was a deeper level of conversion.
32:58
Speaker 1: I didn't know existed that I felt started in, in
33:03
Speaker 1: the 2016, 17 timeframe. And so it wasn't until a
33:07
Speaker 1: year or two later where I was like, Oh my, it,
33:09
Speaker 1: sitting in the temple and having that revelation come to
33:12
Speaker 1: me and say, this is why this is why I
33:15
Speaker 1: get it now. And I felt horrible for the people
33:18
Speaker 1: who had to, you know, ride that wave with me,
33:21
Speaker 1: but I, I totally understood why I had to go
33:24
Speaker 1: through that. And, uh, and I'm incredibly grateful for it
33:29
Speaker 1: now because it shifted my entire focus in life to,
33:34
Speaker 1: to wanting to have the billion dollar company, to wanting
33:36
Speaker 1: to have a thousand employees and grow this, uh, shifted
33:39
Speaker 1: my total priorities in life. And that's where I wanted
33:43
Speaker 1: to now focus on what mattered most. And this is
33:47
Speaker 1: actually the next question I wanted to ask you, because
33:49
Speaker 1: it's something where, you know, in one of your other
33:54
Speaker 1: podcasts you had done, you talked about measuring what matters.
33:59
Speaker 1: How do you decide what actually matters in your, in
34:02
Speaker 1: your family or in your life? Do you have maybe
34:06
Speaker 1: family KPIs? I mean, in business, we have key performance indicators, right?
34:11
Speaker 1: Are there family KPIs? Are there personal KPIs to measure
34:15
Speaker 1: what truly matters most? Yeah. Great, great question.
34:19
Speaker 2: I mean, how I think about it is, you know,
34:22
Speaker 2: in a business, you kind of start with what's, you know, vision, mission, values, right?
34:28
Speaker 2: What's the vision? What's the purpose? Why do we exist?
34:32
Speaker 2: You know, how do we deliver on that vision is
34:36
Speaker 2: the mission and then values are our behaviors and then
34:41
Speaker 2: you say okay below that it's what are our kind
34:44
Speaker 2: of key objectives that we need to get done yeah
34:47
Speaker 2: and then below that you've got the kpis or the
34:49
Speaker 2: key performance indicators what are we measuring to determine like
34:53
Speaker 2: are we on the right course that are all you
34:55
Speaker 2: know pointed in that direction that's the mountain we want
34:57
Speaker 2: to go climb and and i guess i've thought about
35:01
Speaker 2: it with my family in terms of not necessarily KPIs,
35:05
Speaker 2: but values.
35:07
Speaker 1: What are the behaviors?
35:08
Speaker 2: What makes us Nelsons? Or what makes our family our family?
35:16
Speaker 1: How do we behave?
35:17
Speaker 2: How do we treat each other?
35:19
Speaker 1: How do we.
35:22
Speaker 2: View our relationship with God? And so we, when the
35:26
Speaker 2: kids were little, we had this big leather mat that
35:29
Speaker 2: we had like engraven with our family values and, you know,
35:33
Speaker 2: all the kids put their, you know, trace their handprint.
35:36
Speaker 2: We all signed it as kind of our own family flag. And,
35:40
Speaker 2: and so I think the values and the behaviors are
35:45
Speaker 2: what's most important to us. Not necessarily like, you know,
35:49
Speaker 2: a specific KPI or measurement of, you know, number of
35:54
Speaker 2: times we did the dishes or whatever jobs or, you know, arguing.
35:58
Speaker 2: you know, mom to do jobs or the, you know,
36:01
Speaker 2: tracking that it's just like, Hey, um, you know, are
36:05
Speaker 2: we kind to each other? Do we support each other?
36:08
Speaker 2: We say our prayers and are we committed to the
36:12
Speaker 2: savior and heavenly father?
36:14
Speaker 1: I wonder, um, thank you for sharing that because, um,
36:19
Speaker 1: as I, as I felt compelled to do this fatherhood
36:22
Speaker 1: movement thing, um, there were all these thoughts, these thoughts
36:26
Speaker 1: going through my head of a book. a resource, a
36:30
Speaker 1: guide for not just dads, but since I'm a dad,
36:34
Speaker 1: I felt like I could write it better towards dads,
36:37
Speaker 1: but where we took these entrepreneurship skills that we've learned
36:42
Speaker 1: in our career and how could we apply them into
36:47
Speaker 1: our families? Could a family have a vision mission, you know,
36:52
Speaker 1: and values could a family have potentially if we are
36:56
Speaker 1: counting KPIs or whatever it is that, Are we doing
37:00
Speaker 1: service to other people? Are we worshiping in our churches?
37:04
Speaker 1: Or are we studying a scripture or two here and there?
37:08
Speaker 1: And if we had this construct of how to grow
37:12
Speaker 1: a business and how to build a business, and we
37:14
Speaker 1: spend so much of our time and energy creating this structure,
37:19
Speaker 1: what if we did that in our own home? And
37:22
Speaker 1: I met with a guy named Mike Allen who runs
37:25
Speaker 1: Here Brotherhood. And I was on his podcast last year.
37:28
Speaker 1: He's such a good dude. He also runs like breathwork sessions. Anyway,
37:31
Speaker 1: shout out to Mike. He had done this family crest activity,
37:37
Speaker 1: just like you guys did a flag kind of a
37:39
Speaker 1: thing where he, so I went to one of his
37:42
Speaker 1: retreats and they had us create a family crest and
37:46
Speaker 1: it was pick out the keywords that are the most
37:48
Speaker 1: important thing for your family. So, you know, love, adventure, kindness, service,
37:54
Speaker 1: you know, things that like, what is it that make
37:57
Speaker 1: you and your family, you, And as you pick out
38:00
Speaker 1: those pieces, then pick out the images that would be
38:03
Speaker 1: displayed on that, you know, that crest, that shield looking,
38:06
Speaker 1: you know, thing. And, uh, and it was just fascinating, right?
38:10
Speaker 1: Isn't this cool?
38:11
Speaker 2: So good.
38:12
Speaker 1: So he, he has actually allowed me to put this
38:14
Speaker 1: into my book. And so I'm giving him all the
38:17
Speaker 1: credit cause it's his thing. It's not my thing. Um,
38:19
Speaker 1: and there'll be a chapter that's all about building your
38:21
Speaker 1: own family crest. And the idea behind it is that
38:25
Speaker 1: you will have family mission. and a family values and
38:28
Speaker 1: family vision. Because if you can be all in it
38:32
Speaker 1: together and know where you're headed, it's like Stephen Covey's,
38:35
Speaker 1: start with the end in mind. If you know where
38:38
Speaker 1: you're going, then you can plan behind and then you
38:42
Speaker 1: can have step-by-step. It can be an annual, a monthly, quarterly, whatever,
38:45
Speaker 1: daily plan. If we want to be a God-fearing family,
38:49
Speaker 1: then we better say our prayers, like you mentioned. We
38:52
Speaker 1: probably should go worship in his church or in the
38:56
Speaker 1: temple or serve other people and love other people, no
39:00
Speaker 1: matter their background or their beliefs or whatever it is.
39:03
Speaker 2: Well, about intentionality, right?
39:05
Speaker 1: Yes.
39:06
Speaker 2: Intentional with all of this.
39:08
Speaker 1: I have loved this. So, so let's talk about this
39:10
Speaker 1: intention that you've put in your family. Cause there's no
39:14
Speaker 1: way that you've gotten to where you are today with
39:17
Speaker 1: the incredible kids. Cause I've met your kids and they're
39:19
Speaker 1: fantastic children. Somehow I'm going to try and set up
39:22
Speaker 1: my kids with one of your kids. Like somehow. I
39:25
Speaker 1: know I tried when we were there. I know. Distance
39:28
Speaker 1: makes it harder. Hutch needs to be two years older.
39:33
Speaker 1: Just a little bit young. Maybe one day I'll figure
39:36
Speaker 1: that out for my kids. Right. You've had this intentionality.
39:40
Speaker 1: So help the people who are listening. How can they
39:45
Speaker 1: create more intentionality in their life? Whether it's as an
39:48
Speaker 1: entrepreneur and an individual, as a husband or a wife,
39:52
Speaker 1: can you give some kind of instruction, guidance, help to
39:56
Speaker 1: be more intentional?
40:02
Speaker 2: First off, let me share this. This is a little
40:07
Speaker 2: bit of a confession. When you and I first met,
40:10
Speaker 2: I was thinking, this guy is like, is this guy
40:14
Speaker 2: for real? Like, he's just so... optimistic and bubbly. Like,
40:19
Speaker 2: is he, is this like authentic? You know, and then
40:23
Speaker 2: you and I had this conversation and we started talking
40:25
Speaker 2: about our faith and you were just really open. And
40:29
Speaker 2: I could tell that like, it was deeply meaningful to
40:32
Speaker 2: you and it's deeply meaningful to me. And I just
40:34
Speaker 2: felt like you and I connected. And that's when I
40:37
Speaker 2: was like, man, I really liked this guy. I just,
40:40
Speaker 2: total respect. And I think it was that vulnerability and just,
40:44
Speaker 2: and so I think in an effort to be a
40:47
Speaker 2: little more vulnerable. You know, I'll share, you know, and
40:52
Speaker 2: I'll kind of lead this up to things, you know,
40:55
Speaker 2: answering your question about intentionality. But our son, our oldest,
40:59
Speaker 2: was just struggling.
41:01
Speaker 1: You know, I remember, I.
41:03
Speaker 2: Remember he was in high school. He was failing every class.
41:06
Speaker 1: Oh, shoot.
41:07
Speaker 2: And it was, you know, multiple talks, trying to motivate,
41:12
Speaker 2: doing everything we could as parents. And, I'm sitting down
41:17
Speaker 2: on a couch across from him and my wife's sitting
41:20
Speaker 2: next to him and I'm getting nothing out of him.
41:23
Speaker 2: He's just like, I don't know. I don't know.
41:26
Speaker 1: You know?
41:27
Speaker 2: And I got so frustrated and mad. I like stood
41:30
Speaker 2: up and I grabbed him by the shirt and I
41:33
Speaker 2: pulled him up and I'm like right in his face.
41:35
Speaker 1: I'm like, come on.
41:36
Speaker 2: And he just had this like look of defeat in
41:40
Speaker 2: his eyes.
41:41
Speaker 1: Yeah.
41:41
Speaker 2: And I knew in that moment, like instantly, oh my gosh.
41:45
Speaker 2: he's dealing with depression and I had no idea. And
41:49
Speaker 2: he just struggled. And he chose to self-medicate with drugs.
41:57
Speaker 2: And that's his way of like, he wasn't out partying,
42:01
Speaker 2: doing this stuff. He was just self-medicating and trying to
42:05
Speaker 2: feel different. And so, maybe taking that experience and like, okay.
42:13
Speaker 2: And then at the same time seeing you know, some
42:21
Speaker 2: of my daughter's close friends, like, you know, maybe just
42:24
Speaker 2: start to make different decisions.
42:28
Speaker 1: Right.
42:28
Speaker 2: And just kind of worry like, and it's like, okay,
42:32
Speaker 2: we need to do something different, you know, and the
42:36
Speaker 2: kids need to be shaken up a little bit. I
42:38
Speaker 2: think one of the beautiful things about Utah, and this
42:41
Speaker 2: goes for a lot of places, but yeah, you know,
42:44
Speaker 2: the talent here is so incredible. You got the best
42:47
Speaker 2: violin teachers, the best dance, the best piano.
42:50
Speaker 1: The best.
42:52
Speaker 2: Sports. And so our kids were just like really over-programmed.
42:56
Speaker 2: And then we'd get home and we were kind of
42:59
Speaker 2: scattered in a 10,000 square foot home and like don't
43:02
Speaker 2: ever see each other. And I'm dealing with the stress
43:05
Speaker 2: of my son and worried about him like every moment
43:08
Speaker 2: of every day. And it's like, how do we, do
43:13
Speaker 2: something different. And, and, um, very few people can do this.
43:20
Speaker 2: We just said we need to change it and mix
43:23
Speaker 2: it up. Like we have to change the environment. We
43:26
Speaker 2: have to get them out. We've got to do something different.
43:28
Speaker 1: Yeah.
43:29
Speaker 2: And that's when we went and explored Puerto Rico and
43:31
Speaker 2: fell in love with it. But, um, and, and realize
43:35
Speaker 2: that like not a lot of people are in that position,
43:37
Speaker 2: but it's like, you know, when you, you asked me
43:39
Speaker 2: about how we're intentional, it's like, you know, That was
43:42
Speaker 2: an intense move. You know, we're trying to do our best.
43:47
Speaker 2: And kids are struggling with different things and got different
43:51
Speaker 2: activities going on and frustrations. And it's like, man, I
43:55
Speaker 2: don't feel like I'm seeing my kids. You know, so
44:01
Speaker 2: for us, it was trying to be prayerful of what
44:03
Speaker 2: do we do here? And how do we mix this up?
44:05
Speaker 2: And how do we change their environment? Because that's what
44:08
Speaker 2: I like. We tried so many things and it's like,
44:12
Speaker 2: just feel like we've got to change the environment in
44:14
Speaker 2: order to make the change that we want yeah and
44:18
Speaker 2: that's that's what led to.
44:20
Speaker 1: To the move to the move interesting to be able
44:24
Speaker 1: i mean that's a big move that's a it was
44:26
Speaker 1: a big move did the kids throw a fit at
44:28
Speaker 1: first oh yeah.
44:30
Speaker 2: My son like he was going into his senior year
44:34
Speaker 2: he threw a huge fit yeah and he's like i'm
44:36
Speaker 2: i'm not not doing this this is stupid and.
44:40
Speaker 1: I'm staying back with a friend or whatever.
44:41
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. And it got to a point where it's like, okay,
44:44
Speaker 2: if you refuse to go, it's okay. We just won't
44:47
Speaker 2: do this.
44:48
Speaker 1: Like it's okay.
44:50
Speaker 2: We, we won't do it, but I feel like you
44:53
Speaker 2: would regret it down the road. You have this opportunity
44:57
Speaker 2: to do something very different, live in a unique place,
45:01
Speaker 2: have a different lifestyle, but you make the call. And
45:06
Speaker 2: I took him down there and, you know, so he
45:10
Speaker 2: could experience it. And he and I were at a
45:12
Speaker 2: restaurant and he's got his head down the whole time.
45:15
Speaker 2: And he's like, and he finally like unleashes and he
45:18
Speaker 2: unloads everything, right?
45:19
Speaker 1: Like this is dumb.
45:20
Speaker 2: I don't know how you say you feel good about it.
45:23
Speaker 2: There's no feelings involved in this.
45:24
Speaker 1: This is stupid.
45:25
Speaker 2: And then it leads to like, you know, moves towards
45:29
Speaker 2: his faith and he's sharing doubts and fears and everything.
45:33
Speaker 2: And I don't know if God exists and he just
45:36
Speaker 2: let everything out. Wow. And I, you know, had a
45:42
Speaker 2: feeling of just listen to him and love him.
45:44
Speaker 1: Yeah.
45:45
Speaker 2: Don't try and correct anything or like just listen to him.
45:50
Speaker 1: He was being super vulnerable at that moment, right? Yeah.
45:52
Speaker 2: And he's crying and, you know, I'm getting emotional. And
45:57
Speaker 2: then I share, you know, my feelings and, you know,
46:03
Speaker 2: things that I felt like I should share with him.
46:05
Speaker 2: And then there was this, we had this turning moment.
46:08
Speaker 2: And he's like, okay, you know, after a long pause,
46:12
Speaker 2: puts his head up.
46:13
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm ready to do this. Wow.
46:16
Speaker 2: And that was his turning point of like going to
46:18
Speaker 2: Puerto Rico. But, you know, he pushed back up to
46:22
Speaker 2: that point. And then it took like a week being
46:26
Speaker 2: down there. And he's like, dad, this is the greatest
46:27
Speaker 2: place in the world.
46:31
Speaker 1: It changed him, huh?
46:33
Speaker 2: And for other kids, it was harder.
46:35
Speaker 1: I mean, it's hard.
46:36
Speaker 2: Moving's hard.
46:37
Speaker 1: It is hard. New schools, new times. We just had
46:40
Speaker 1: to do that, moving from Orem back to Draper. And
46:43
Speaker 1: even though we had lived there for 10 years prior
46:46
Speaker 1: to moving, the kids were little. And so I was
46:48
Speaker 1: going back into it. And I know it's, especially with
46:52
Speaker 1: these teenagers, a lot of parents are listening. Making friends
46:57
Speaker 1: is a lot harder than it was, I think, when
46:59
Speaker 1: we grew up. I just feel like Maybe not. Depends
47:02
Speaker 1: on the personality, I'm sure. I just felt like I
47:04
Speaker 1: could make friends with anybody. You can. Like, you just
47:07
Speaker 1: want to go play? Like, let's go play. You know,
47:09
Speaker 1: you'd ask them questions. They'd ask you questions. You were friends.
47:12
Speaker 1: And now, you know, I'm talking to my daughter and
47:15
Speaker 1: she made it to the varsity cheer team. She's a freshman.
47:18
Speaker 1: This is amazing. But all the girls are older. And
47:21
Speaker 1: so she's, you know, looking at how does she make friends?
47:25
Speaker 1: When these older girls, they have different things going on.
47:28
Speaker 1: They're probably driving. She's not. They're probably dating. She's not.
47:30
Speaker 1: They're probably, you know, doing all these things. And we
47:34
Speaker 1: had a discussion about just start asking them questions. You know,
47:38
Speaker 1: here are three key tips. Ask them where they're from
47:41
Speaker 1: and then go deeper. Oh, you're from here? Great. How
47:44
Speaker 1: was it like growing up here? You know, whatever it
47:46
Speaker 1: is about how you're from. Tell me about your family. Oh,
47:49
Speaker 1: I'm the only child or I'm the youngest or I'm
47:51
Speaker 1: the oldest. Oh, I've got eight kids in my family.
47:54
Speaker 1: This is and talk about how different and unique those
47:57
Speaker 1: circumstances are. And then asking them, uh, you know, what
48:00
Speaker 1: do you like to do? You know, I know we're
48:01
Speaker 1: here at cheer, but what else do you like to do?
48:04
Speaker 1: And my hope is if anybody's listening, these three little topics,
48:08
Speaker 1: you can talk to just about anybody for as long
48:10
Speaker 1: as you want. Even if they give you one word answers,
48:12
Speaker 1: you can keep asking them deeper and deeper questions. Um,
48:16
Speaker 1: and I think making friends has gotten harder with the
48:19
Speaker 1: advent of the phone. And when you're even in line
48:22
Speaker 1: and everybody's just, you know, staring at their phone, um,
48:26
Speaker 1: But these friendships, not just for kids, but you talked
48:29
Speaker 1: about the men's group and the women's group, having these friends,
48:32
Speaker 1: I think are a lot more important than we understand.
48:35
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of times adults, as we
48:38
Speaker 1: marry and we cleave to our spouse, which we should,
48:42
Speaker 1: we don't necessarily keep in contact with our old friends
48:45
Speaker 1: as much. But I think the value of keeping those relationships,
48:50
Speaker 1: even if you're not seeing them every week or month even,
48:52
Speaker 1: keeping those relationships is a healthy thing. positive thing. I
48:56
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe our kids can see that. Yeah.
48:58
Speaker 2: A hundred percent. I like those prompts kind of coach
49:01
Speaker 2: your kid around different prompts to ask.
49:04
Speaker 1: And that's, I've been trying.
49:05
Speaker 2: Yeah.
49:05
Speaker 1: I would try it. It's right. You know, it's funny.
49:07
Speaker 1: The different, but she's a lot more shy and timid. Um,
49:11
Speaker 1: even though people on the outside don't see her that way,
49:14
Speaker 1: they see her as a super confident and talented and
49:16
Speaker 1: all this stuff, but she's shy inside. And I'm like, Oh,
49:19
Speaker 1: I hope people know that, you know, she's just a
49:23
Speaker 1: little bit more timid. All right. So we got to
49:26
Speaker 1: wrap things up here. But I wanted to ask, so
49:29
Speaker 1: what's one belief that you held at 30, age 30,
49:33
Speaker 1: that you've completely changed your mind about? Let me read
49:39
Speaker 1: that one more time. What's one belief you held at 30,
49:43
Speaker 1: age 30, that you've completely changed your mind about?
49:48
Speaker 2: Just how my life would turn out. I have a plan, right?
49:53
Speaker 2: And I, okay, I'm going to do this, this, and this.
49:56
Speaker 2: This is what it's going to look like. And you
49:58
Speaker 2: spend all this time kind of crafting that. And it
50:02
Speaker 2: ends up being so different. You know, a business doesn't
50:06
Speaker 2: work out or, you know, you end up, moving to
50:09
Speaker 2: a weird place like Puerto Rico or whatever. It's just different,
50:14
Speaker 2: but better.
50:14
Speaker 1: Yeah.
50:16
Speaker 2: You know, and I think it's like, be open to that.
50:20
Speaker 2: You know, have the plan, do the work, have the vision,
50:25
Speaker 2: but like, know that it's going to be wildly different,
50:29
Speaker 2: but better.
50:29
Speaker 1: And that's okay.
50:30
Speaker 2: And that's okay.
50:31
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love it. So making sure to still make
50:34
Speaker 1: the plans, but be open to the difference.
50:37
Speaker 2: Yeah.
50:37
Speaker 1: Be open to the change. I love it. All right,
50:39
Speaker 1: now imagine your grandchildren. This is always something I love.
50:43
Speaker 1: Imagine your grandchildren are listening to this episode 20, 30
50:48
Speaker 1: years from now. What's the one lesson you hope to
50:54
Speaker 1: hear from grandpa?
50:56
Speaker 2: You know, it's, there's so much pressure in that.
51:00
Speaker 1: And I think it's just. What's just one of the
51:05
Speaker 1: many things.
51:05
Speaker 2: Grandpa loved people.
51:08
Speaker 1: Yeah.
51:09
Speaker 2: And I think that's it. Like they knew that, that
51:14
Speaker 2: I love them, that, you know, I feel like I'm
51:18
Speaker 2: my best version and best self when I just love
51:22
Speaker 2: people around me and people I don't know. And that's
51:25
Speaker 2: something I pray for, something I try and work on
51:28
Speaker 2: to have those feelings of just, you know, love for people.
51:35
Speaker 1: I love it. I mean, to me, that is the
51:37
Speaker 1: definition of charity. the pure love of Christ, is when
51:41
Speaker 1: we can see people the way Jesus sees people. And
51:46
Speaker 1: I felt like I've been tasked, you know, as part
51:51
Speaker 1: of my duties to learn that skill. Going through divorce
51:55
Speaker 1: and going through life changes, that has been one of
51:58
Speaker 1: the clear directives that I have felt I needed to learn.
52:03
Speaker 1: And I think it's a lifelong process, but I have
52:06
Speaker 1: had some glimpses where I've seen people with different set
52:10
Speaker 1: of eyes than I've ever seen before. And it was
52:13
Speaker 1: such a blessing for me. And I knew that it
52:16
Speaker 1: was possible. So now if, you know, something is hard
52:20
Speaker 1: or someone is hard, I'm able to look with a different,
52:25
Speaker 1: try to look with a different set of eyes and
52:28
Speaker 1: it puts me in a more calm, peaceful state.
52:31
Speaker 2: Yeah.
52:31
Speaker 1: I love that. Cause I can just see with a
52:33
Speaker 1: different set and I hope someday I can see everybody
52:35
Speaker 1: all the time that way. But, um, I love that.
52:38
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing. I think it's so fascinating. As
52:41
Speaker 1: I asked that question multiple times on this podcast, it
52:44
Speaker 1: always comes down to love when it truly matters and
52:48
Speaker 1: what we really want people to know and hear. That's
52:51
Speaker 1: what people are sharing. And we can have whatever success,
52:55
Speaker 1: you know, financially or physically or whatever in life, but
52:59
Speaker 1: it really just comes down to core principles. We want
53:03
Speaker 1: to love each other. We want to feel loved and
53:05
Speaker 1: share that love. So, Thank you so much for being
53:08
Speaker 1: on here. If people were to come and reach out
53:10
Speaker 1: to you, where can they find you? Can they find
53:12
Speaker 1: you on LinkedIn, maybe? Yeah, Rob Nelson, LinkedIn.
53:17
Speaker 2: I'm not active.
53:20
Speaker 1: On social media, but I'm on it. LinkedIn's the right place.
53:24
Speaker 1: All right. They'll come and find you. Rob, thank you
53:26
Speaker 1: for taking the time. You guys, thank you for coming.
53:28
Speaker 1: The Fatherhood Movement Podcast, that has a new upcoming name, Becoming.
53:34
Speaker 1: Hopefully we can all share. If this made an impact
53:37
Speaker 1: on your life, please share it with others. We'll have
53:40
Speaker 1: clips going on in social media and we'll make sure
53:42
Speaker 1: those go around about. But thank you again for being here. Thanks, Bubba.
53:47
Speaker 1: Call it quits.