Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Interview with Elle Jaye: How to Find Yourself within the Roles You Play | S2004

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Interview with Elle Jaye: How to Find Yourself within the Roles You Play | S2004 · The Inspired Speaker Network

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  If you're tired of hiding your brilliance behind stage fright, scripts, or playing it safe,
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  then you are in the perfect place. This is the Inspired Speaker Podcast, and I'm your host,
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  Danielle Benzon, professional rebel, voice coach, and your guide to speaking with confidence,
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  charisma, and zero BS. Around here, we don't chase perfection. We choose connection.
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  So grab a hot beverage, warm up those vocal cords, and get ready to fall wildly in love
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  with the sound of your voice. Let's get inspired. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. I am so
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  excited to bring you yet another amazing and inspiring interview today. Today, we have Elle Jaye,
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  who is the force behind Evolving With Elle When Capable Women Carry Too Much. Her podcast is
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  fantastic, it's powerful, it's deep, it's insightful, and it's allowing people to kind of
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  look at themselves and their lives in a slightly different way, from a slightly different
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  perspective, which I think really all of us do need. She's also a dear friend and a client,
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  and I'm so excited that she is here with me today. So please, without further ado,
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  please welcome Elle Jaye. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Danielle, for the introduction,
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  for this opportunity to share the stage with you. This virtual stage, this camera stage
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  that we are in, we haven't yet met in person, but when we do, there will be a big hug.
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  When we do, there will be a very big hug. And it will be a long hug, because you have been
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  so instrumental in everything that you have generously provided for me, so thank you.
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  So Elle is one of the intrepid podcasters who joined me to start this network. They just,
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  they were so brave, and they were so willing, and I am so grateful and honored to all of them.
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  So Elle, can you tell us a little bit about why you said yes, what you thought you were saying
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  yes to, and what the process has been like, because we're in this network now, we're in
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  season two, and things are going. What's it been like? Okay, Danielle, when you asked me,
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  one, I was honored. Two, I was scared, because I didn't believe I was ready. I didn't believe,
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  I didn't, let me say it this way, I believe I was ready, but not to the point of doing a podcast
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  ready. And you were very encouraging to say, you've got something that the world needs to hear.
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  And I, you know, when we're doing these things, and we're on a mission to serve
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  beyond ourselves, opportunities start happening. And the opportunity you provided me,
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  it was almost like, you know, when the universe or God, however people choose to define it,
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  sends you a boat to say, hey, get in the boat. And you're like, nah, God's gonna rescue me.
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  And then he sends you something else, and then a helicopter, and then you drown or whatever.
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  I chose not to drown. And I said, yes, I stretched myself and invested my time, my energy,
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  my resources into this endeavor. And it has totally paid off for me to see that
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  you don't have to be flawless, perfect. You can do things in a way that provides
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  a doorway for people to say, hey, oh, I didn't know about Elle and being able to evolve with her.
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  Yes, I'm a capable woman, and I feel like I'm carrying too much. And then to know it's like,
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  yeah, I created that. And then I also have this other thing that I was consistently doing,
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  which was evolving. Sorry, that's the podcast. See all these E's. Elevating, all these
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  conversations, right? So I have these elevating conversations. And the podcast pushes you forward.
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  Yes. So that is, that's what, I'm just so glad to do this. It happened quickly. And
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  I was thinking it shouldn't be this fast. But it, it wasn't that fast. It just seemed that way. And
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  but I don't know, there was like, diligence, urgency, organization, and a whole bunch of
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  communication and teamwork from your fantastic team, like Max, and I probably shouldn't call
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  names right now. But everybody on the team. Fabulous. Yeah. No, yeah, five weeks is is a
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  very short amount of time to launch a network and just to launch a podcast in general. So we were
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  launching six podcasts all at the same time. And yeah, I think it was it was five weeks, right?
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  I think you felt you were guest ready, but not host ready. I think that's kind of where you were
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  in your confidence level. Yeah. And I just kind of none of us were ready, though. I wasn't ready
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  either. None of us were ready. We all just kind of jumped in together. And we became ready ish.
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  Yeah, still not ready. We became ready. Total stretch. Yeah, it was a total stretch. But it was
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  so great. And you've just mentioned, I want to just put a pin on this, not put a pin in it,
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  but highlight this. You just mentioned you're doing something, the elevating conversations.
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  And I just wanted to mention everybody listening, that that is, I believe, El's gift for you today.
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  So if you check out the show notes, or if you look at the gift vault,
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  El has, I think it's every Wednesday, tell us a little bit about it.
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  So with elevating conversations, that is the space where we can come in and actually share with each
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  other. You guys can ask me questions, you can share your perspectives. And just let me know, like,
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  is what's being created serving you as well? I want to hear that also, because
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  with what I'm doing, I know from my heart, that I am here to partner with other highly capable,
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  heart centered women who are really invested in the relationships that we have, in the various
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  roles that we carry. And to be able to have those conversations on Wednesdays,
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  reminds me of how my mother, in all of her roles, she had time to, during the week, talk to
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  family, friends, on the phone though. It was on the phone, which is why this is on Zoom.
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  And I remember the long cord that she was having around the house before cordless came.
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  And anytime she ended those conversations, she was elevated, because she was able to pour
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  into someone else. And then someone else was able to pour into her. And that is what these
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  conversations, these elevating conversations are on Wednesdays. It's a gift.
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  I love that image that you've created. So El's audience is for women. You work primarily with
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  women. And I think of those times, and I've not really had on the phone so much,
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  but because my generation, and also I just, I don't like phone calls. I like Zoom calls,
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  not my phone calls. But I have had so many, some of my favorite memories are hanging out with other
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  women, unpacking, helping them move, making dinner. There's always something else going on.
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  It was multitasking, those conversations while making dinner or packing or unpacking a house
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  or doing laundry or those very everyday kind of chores conversations. One of my best friends and
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  I after high school, we would go grocery shopping together. It was the only time
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  we were both very busy. It was the only time we could see each other. So we had a social date
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  of going grocery shopping together. That's what we did. And it was the nicest thing.
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  And so I love that you're bringing this. It feels somehow so much more like community
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  because it's plugging into that nostalgia and into that thing that we have a memory for.
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  Yes. Thank you for that. It is definitely a community event where, again, because as women,
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  we are giving so much to our jobs, our families, children, spouse, friends, and even in creating
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  businesses and podcasts. There's a lot that is coming out of us. And to be in community
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  with other women in other ways is refreshing. And we are sharing authentically, safely,
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  non-judgmentally, and just like, hey, who are you? What do you bring to the table?
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  And not a what, actually, who are you bringing to the table? Like, who are you at this table?
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  Not in the derogatory, who are you? But like, because I noticed, so yes, who are you being?
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  I noticed that many times when women introduce ourselves, we introduce ourselves by our roles.
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  I was at some networking events. And when I heard it, I was like, I finally heard
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  what we were actually doing. Hey, I'm Amanda. And I'm a mom. I'm a pet mom.
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  I have a spouse who works. And then this is what I do. I heard that over and over again.
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  And I was like, wait a minute. And so I was like, hey, I'm Elle Jaye. And I'm an open,
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  powerful, free woman. And I value connection, compassion, and love. Like treating people the
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  way I want to be treated kind of love. That is how I introduced myself. And it was like,
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  of course, a shock to the room. And then I also shared the roles that I have, which is a business
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  owner, an employee, and a mother, and a co parent, and all of those things, too.
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  It's about so many things. Yeah, we're human beings. We've got a lot going on. We are so
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  many things. And you talk about roles are different hats. But before we get into that,
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  before we get into how you talk about relationships and roles and things,
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  before we talk about that, you haven't always done this. This is a business that you are,
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  you know, it's new ish, you're building it. So this community is new. How did you get here? What
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  made you want to do this? Well, grab a handkerchief, a Kleenex. I'm not gonna just dump on you guys
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  like this. What I say is, there were life disruptions that happened for me. There were
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  family members that protect my parents, both parents are no longer living. I had to make
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  the difficult and challenging decision to get a divorce from my spouse and restructure
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  my children's family. Because the divorce is between spouses. The restructuring of the relationship
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  of my children's sorry, of my children's family is something that I really wanted to hone in on
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  to be able to make sure that there's that difference. And I, I didn't
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  earn that much. I intentionally earned less money. I've been working from home for a long time,
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  like prior to the pandemic, so that I could be available for my children. Right. My mom was a
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  homemaker, right? That's how it was described to me when I was growing up. Right. And I promised
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  myself I wouldn't do that. Because I saw how my family, namely my dad and other people saw women
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  that were stay at home moms and wives. Yeah. And I promised myself I didn't want to be that.
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  So I found a happy medium and said, I'll work from home. So I'm still bringing in money. I'm a working
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  mom and I'm a wife, but you know, then everything just kind of blew up within a five year timeframe.
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  And that's when I was like, Oh, let me talk about divorce. Oh, let me talk about being a mom.
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  I was like, wait a minute. These are all roles. I'm L and I am all of these things. And I was
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  living on autopilot. So all of these events disrupted what was familiar to me, what was
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  comfortable to me. And I found a journal that on the front says nothing good comes from a comfort
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  zone. And my mind was blown. And I filled that journal up just reading that part. I was like,
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  my gosh, I was in a comfort zone and I didn't know it. So all of the disruptive things felt
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  horrible. There was definite grief, sadness, anger, depression, anxiety, wondering like,
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  what did I do wrong? All of those questions, emotions, feelings went through my body.
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  And I expressed them. I let them out because I was conditioned to say, hold it down, be strong.
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  Nobody needs to know about anything that you feel. Be guarded. You know, after going through
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  so many different relationship challenges, walls got built. And then I'm like, Oh,
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  this wall is built to protect me. But what else was I also doing? It was keeping me stuck,
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  holding me captive, but I'm a free woman. So I had to make a choice. The choice wasn't easy.
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  It was some definite experimentation where I was like, let me see when I, when I take this step,
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  let me see what happens. And some of it was a fall on my face. Some of it was a
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  trip or whatever. And then some of it was, you know, open doors like being on this podcast
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  and being on this podcast network. And I'm learning from all of it.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  So I had to lean in to everything that I was feeling and learn what each of these,
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  the lesson underneath each of the disruptions of what was familiar, because it was waking up
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  to something and showing me like, Hey, Elle, you are sitting here chasing results after results,
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  after results, doing what everybody says you're supposed to do. But what do you want?
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  I hope that answered your question.
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  I kind of feel like, was that wall protecting you or was it protecting everybody else
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  from your power? You know, I kind of feel sometimes people ask us to build walls around
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  ourselves when we are very expressive or very opinionated and they're not to protect us.
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  They're not to protect us. They're to protect everybody else from us because we sometimes
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  have things to say and not everybody likes it. I think that might be, that might be part of it.
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  There's something else I wanted to say. Oh, it's so interesting. I think a lot of us
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  kind of build our lives because, you know, we're not necessarily taught to do a lot of this
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  introspection as children or teens. I think a lot of us build our lives around what everybody else
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  thinks or who everybody else thinks we should be and our roles and what we are to other people.
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  And it takes sometimes, I'm not saying it should, I'm not saying it's a good thing,
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  but sometimes I've noticed that it takes a complete breakdown, like a, like a taking away
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  of that role, like a breakdown of a relationship or a family or something to really get to know
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  who you are, because it's the first time we've had to kind of go without being in relationship
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  to this, without, without defining myself in relationship to this person, who am I and who
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  do I want to be? Which really we should be asking from day one, I think, but a lot of us aren't.
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  And I think it's so beautiful that you got there and that you use that. I mean, obviously really
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  devastating experience, but you got something out of it. You've got that self-awareness and that
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  perspective out of it. So tell us about, tell us about that, that need that we have or that
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  instinct that we have to define ourselves by other, our relationships with other people.
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  Okay. Yes. So that instinct I would say is based on our role identities, our hats. And
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  yeah, just to be clear, I call them role identities because I've been paying attention
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  to the words we use and the etymology or word history or whatever you want to call that
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  word study. So in doing that word study, noticing that identity means sameness.
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  And we sit around saying, Hey, I'm searching for my identity. No, you're not. You're not. You're
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  actually searching for your unique, authentic, genuine self, who you are at your core. And when
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  I say core, I'm speaking Latin because I am saying C O R core, right? Heart. It means heart
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  in Latin. So you are looking to operate from who you are from your heart, your core essence
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  of who you, of who you be, right. And be who you are being, wait, you are a human being. And that
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  is what, right. That's where, that's where I want to really and truly operate from instead of the
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  different role identities defining who we are like, Ooh, I am a mom. And these are all the
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  responsibilities that a mom is supposed to do. And this is what's expected of a mother and let me do
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  that too. And then where did, where did L go? Where did the person who's in that role go? And
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  another thing about roles, if you think about movies, movies have roles, there's performance,
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  there's acting in a role that someone inhabits. So when we put on the role of employee,
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  many of us perform based on what we think an employee is supposed to act like and perform
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  like what we think a manager, a VP or CEO is supposed to act like. Instead of saying,
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  what is it that I as this human being value and let me bring myself into
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  that space. And I step into that role. And I myself in every single role I step into,
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  I don't change who I am. I'm, you get to bring your full self, your unique, authentic, genuine
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  core essence of a self into every role identity that you have. So where people don't say,
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  huh, this is how he behaves as a parent. This is how he behaves in as an athlete or
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  as a dad or whatever. No, be who you are all the way, all the time in, in everything that we do.
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  I hope that makes sense.
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  That makes total sense. And this image of being so buried underneath other people's expectations
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  that you disappear, that really, that really got to me and they're heavy too. Like there's a
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  heaviness to not being able to express yourself, but having to please other people. And we do,
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  but we do, even when we are being a hundred percent ourselves, we do bring different parts
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  of ourselves out at different times. That's context. And I feel like that's a completely
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  different thing. Can you speak to that? Cause I have a feeling there's a word that you use for
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  that. There's a word I use for that. It's not balance. It's, it's got something to do with.
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  I was just being funny. So it's a matter of harmonizing who we are in every role that we
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  step into because we are the conductor of our orchestras. Right. And how I like to,
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  the image that I like to use is saying as that conductor, of course you have the four
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  parts of an orchestra. You've got the, the woodwinds. And that to me is like the woman part,
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  where the breath of who you are is in the woodwinds. Then you have your strings and say,
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  that's your parenting part where you are the bow and your child is the actual instrument,
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  like the violin or the cello. And you are guiding you're, you know, putting your finger on the
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  strings and playing to really make the music that you want out of with your child with your child.
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  Okay. Because that's a partnership in and of itself. And then I'm just going to go to the
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  third, which is the percussion, right? The rhythm of life, which is any and all other roles, like
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  the making of the money, the other interaction, other relationships with the co-parent and
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  friends and all of that. So that's just the regular rhythm of life. And as you are living
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  your life, you're still like, you're still Danielle. And I know you're not a parent,
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  but I just want to use you as an example. Danielle is like, Hey, Danielle, as a mom,
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  that the strings may be louder when you are really like in that role, because you're focused on
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  getting your children out the door, getting them to school. And then you go back to just being who
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  you are and doing what you need to do on a daily basis, being that business owner and supporting
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  your clients. But then the school calls you and says, Hey, your child forgot their lunch. And then
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  you have to step out of that and the strings become louder again. So that is what I mean by
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  harmonizing. And because balance is not it. There's no, no balance in, in doing this because
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  with yay, you don't want everything. It's not equal. And then guess what? In order for balance
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  to happen, you've got to put something on, meaning you might be faking something or picking up
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  something that probably shouldn't be there in order to have that balance, or you've got to take
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  something off. Meaning you've got, you might have to diminish your full self just for there to be
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  balanced. Nah, let's go with harmony and bring our full self into every role that we have
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  with wisdom and discernment rather than defensiveness and being guarded.
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  Saying, Oh, I just want safety.
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  Yeah. I think, yeah, I love that idea of harmony because different parts are
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  louder, different times. Like everything's always in play. Everyone's keeping time even when they're
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  not playing, you know? And I think that's important because when I'm a business owner
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  or when I'm an aunt or when I'm a wife or whatever, I'm not, I don't feel that I feel like the only
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  time I'm ever a hundred percent myself is when I'm like completely alone, like on the beach
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  journaling or, you know, like not even do like when I'm not doing anything that involves anyone
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  else ever, you know? So there's, there's a fluidity to that, which I think is, is really beautiful
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  and that you can just kind of bring it all kind of like music. I love that you say that you are
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  the conductor of your life because one of my favorite poems is Invictus by William Ernest
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  Henley. I don't know if you know it. Do you know that one? The last line is, I am, you just look it
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  up. The last line is I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. And I love that idea
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  of having like a boat in the storm that you're like at the front. And it's the same kind of
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  thing. It's the conductor of your life. It's you're the one in charge. You're the one who's
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  bringing it all together. You are, you are not controlling, but almost not, you're like a conduit
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  for everything to kind of flow through it. And I think that's so beautiful. So is, is that the
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  kind of work you do with your clients? Yes, that is the work that I do with my clients, which is
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  I partner with them in a way to say you are the subject matter expert of your own life, i.e. you
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  are the conductor of your life. We will start with one role. And then we take it to one
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  responsibility to be able to say, okay, is that really just a responsibility? Or are there some
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  expectations and meshed in there? Those expectations, which I call the rigid rules,
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  because those rigid rules are rules that you didn't consciously choose. They may have been
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  operating in the background. And now we get to bring them to the foreground and say,
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  does that expectation fit in this relationship with my children, with my boss?
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  Does this expectation fit in relationship to me? Because some of us, when we are by ourselves
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  on the beach or in our rooms at night, we may not know who we are yet. And on that journey,
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  yeah, we get to look at the person in the mirror. As I say, the Michael Jackson song,
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  when I really listened to those lyrics, I'm like, wisdom in there. Just listen to the lyrics. You
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  don't have to like the man. Listen to the lyrics. The person in the mirror is the one who gets to
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  make the change. Right? So if you are going to sleep at night saying, oh, I'm second guessing
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  myself as a employee, but I am kicking butt. I keep touching my microphone. I'm kicking butt
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  as a mother. That's good. Because then you can say, hey, in my proudness of being a mom,
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  who am I being where I feel so successful in it? And then you can take those ways of being and say,
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  hey, I might have some growth edges as an employee, but I'm strong over here in this role.
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  Let me bring that beingness and really bring it out in this role and figure out what's keeping me
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  from being fully me in this role. So that is the work that we do. It is, again, it's a strategy.
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  And as one coach told me, she said, I'm the guide. I'm not the ride. And I was like,
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  oh, but I wanted you to carry all of my burdens. I'll listen to them, but I'm not carrying them.
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  So to hear that, I was like, oh, but I'm this woman. Don't you know all of the stuff that
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  I've been through? You should feel so sorry for me. Because I feel sorry for myself.
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  Operating as a victim is a real thing. And I'm not going to shame anyone in that space.
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  Because I was in that space. You get to choose if that's where you want to stay.
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  Because many of us are saying, oh, I'm just managing. I'm just getting by.
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  My vision for you ladies and gentlemen and children is to do more than just get by.
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  Because there's so many possibilities when we step out of the pain, the perfection, and the past.
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  And we step into the present possibilities for the potential to plant seeds for the future.
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  But the future starts right now. And your future self is going to say, thank you for finally
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  being comfortable being uncomfortable. Thank you for creating a structure that was no longer rigid,
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  that no longer kept you captive, but allowed you to make choices within that framework.
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  Where you can still expect something, and then you wait and see what actually happens,
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  which is what I call expectancy. Expect and see. That's my framework that I support women through.
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  And it starts on Wednesdays during the Elevating Conversations.
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  So come out on the Wednesday. Come out to the Wednesday Conversations. I love this,
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  the unattachment to outcome. We can plan as much as we like, but the plan is essential,
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  but it is never the reality. Doing the plan is important. It's important to work. It's
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  important to understand where you are and what you want, but it's never what's going to happen.
• 34:52
  And so, you know, doing our best, setting our best intentions, and then being unattached to
• 34:56
  the outcome, I think is, oh, that has been a lesson for me to learn. And it has made my life
• 35:03
  so much easier since I have learned it. That's for sure. So you talk about this and many other things,
• 35:08
  wonderful, exciting things in your podcast. You have guests, you do solo shows, you do both.
• 35:13
  So tell us about what community you're building. You're building this podcast on this network.
• 35:20
  This network is about creating change. It's about being a positive force in the world.
• 35:25
  What are you building into the future? Where does this go?
• 35:31
  I want to disrupt what is familiar. I want to disrupt comfort zones. It's not going to feel
• 35:42
  good because it didn't feel good for me. But what was beneficial was I didn't do it by myself.
• 35:51
  So evolving with Elle is where I hold up a mirror and I provide a map. And that map
• 36:02
  could be stories from me, stories from the experts that I interview, stories that we share
• 36:11
  on Wednesdays during Elevating Conversations. All of that is a map where each woman then gets to
• 36:20
  choose the direction that works for her. And then I also provide and partner with each woman
• 36:31
  to provide a method for her. I want to say we can get there tomorrow, but let's think about
• 36:45
  all of the different roles that you have, all of the different responsibilities. So
• 36:49
  it is a journey, but on the journey, you will begin to feel lighter because you're no longer
• 37:00
  weighed down by responsibilities and meshed in expectation. You're letting the expectations go.
• 37:10
  And then based on your relationship, you get to choose how you fulfill the responsibilities
• 37:19
  tied to it. And you carry yours, not anyone else's in the relationship,
• 37:27
  which may also mean the people that you are in relationship with based on your role may say,
• 37:35
  huh, Danielle is changing. I don't think I like it. That's fine if they don't like it.
• 37:45
  You get to honor who you are, Danielle, as you are evolving and becoming and just being who
• 37:57
  you actually are. It's not becoming, you're just being more and more of who you are. I know a lot
• 38:03
  of us say becoming, and I want to change that. Yeah. It's not like there's an end goal. Yeah.
• 38:08
  It's not like there's an end goal. We are, we are shifting. We are evolving, but we are complete now.
• 38:14
  Also. Yeah. I like that. And okay. Part of my other vision, apologies as parents. Okay. Because
• 38:23
  when I talk about, I'm supporting women, especially women with children,
• 38:29
  it's because of the impact that we have on the next generation. Like what the impact that my
• 38:37
  mother had on me. Yes. Some things I could have done without, but other things I'm like,
• 38:44
  I'm so glad she planted that seed in me to where now I can be better. And what I am doing for my
• 38:53
  children, it's like, Hey, I want you to use your voice now. Do they fully understand what I'm
• 38:58
  saying? No, but I'm doing my part in planting seeds and giving them the space to figure out
• 39:08
  who they are now, because they are closer to their divine heart essence than where I am,
• 39:18
  where I'm just now figuring it out. Right. I was buried under so many different things
• 39:23
  and I want to share it with my children and other women with children and even plant seeds with other
• 39:31
  children who will, you know, developing people so that they know like, Hey, I don't have to,
• 39:39
  I can use my voice in a respectful way with my parents to where I also feel seen.
• 39:48
  And I'm also allowing my, letting my parents know that I see them too, because I, and one of my
• 39:57
  guests said growth and maturity are not the same thing. So someone who could be hot dog on this
• 40:09
  microphone, someone who is younger can have more maturity in a particular area than someone who
• 40:25
  was older. Oh yeah. And we get to, as parents recognize that and not try to control it out of
• 40:32
  a child where we don't control them. We guide them. We are in authority over them. We're responsible
• 40:39
  for and to them, but we can't not control them because controlling them, it's stealing their
• 40:46
  voice. That's what I've learned anyway. So, yeah. Well, and that's so important what you are doing
• 40:55
  because helping, you know, women find their voice and also helping, you know, women help their
• 41:00
  children find their voice. I mean, this is a big part of what I do obviously is helping people
• 41:05
  uncover all of the garbage that they have covered themselves in. It's a terrible image,
• 41:11
  but you know, we do, we, we, we hide ourselves and everybody else's expectations and who we should
• 41:16
  be and all that stuff. And I have adults coming to me in their thirties and forties and fifties
• 41:22
  and sixties and seventies going, Hey, I want to learn how to express myself for the first time.
• 41:27
  And the earlier we can get to people, the earlier we can start empowering people to use their own
• 41:35
  voices. If we can start with the youth now, oh my goodness, how amazing will the world be when
• 41:42
  everyone is being true to themselves? You know, that is, that is a huge, that's a huge part of,
• 41:48
  I think our alignment is what kind of a world can we be in, in a respectful way, of course,
• 41:55
  in a way that respects life and is tolerant and embraces diversity. But what if we could all be
• 42:01
  true to ourselves and express ourselves and use our voices in a way that is authentic and
• 42:07
  powerful and real? What if we were all taught to do that from a young age? How different would the
• 42:13
  world be? Wow. Yeah. And let's do that. Yes. And to acknowledge the thousand pound gorilla or
• 42:23
  whatever in the room. Some of us may think that that's not possible. They'll be stepping on tools
• 42:32
  and it's not possible for everybody to do whatever they want. We need rules and da da da da. Okay.
• 42:38
  So competition, competitiveness. I come from, my dad was a professional football player. So I
• 42:48
  understand competition. I was a basketball, volleyball, ran track. No competition. I was on
• 42:53
  the science bowl. I know competition. Did you, could you get it that I know competition? So
• 43:00
  with what Danielle was sharing about all of us being authentic and true to ourselves is possible
• 43:10
  even when we might have different goals in mind, because that means, okay, go somewhere else where
• 43:21
  it fits for you. Don't try to be this square peg in a round hole kind of thing and force your way
• 43:30
  into a group that doesn't fit. And let's say you're born into that group when you feel you
• 43:39
  don't fit, you know, that group that we call a family where things are familiar in the family,
• 43:47
  because that's kind of part of the root of that word. Sometimes you might have to take a break
• 43:53
  from your family. Maybe it's temporary. Maybe it's permanent, but guess what? You get to create
• 44:00
  your own. And Danielle is part of my family. So when she shared, when you shared Danielle about
• 44:18
  people coming to you with so much on them, what Danielle supported me through was finding my
• 44:28
  authentic voice because I had so many unexpressed emotions that through her coaching, I stepped out
• 44:46
  and I practiced with her and sometimes not with her, but maybe when I was with her, I was like,
• 44:52
  where are these tears coming from? Where is this anger coming from? But it was like trusting the
• 44:58
  process. And now there are things that I can have a smile on my face about and still acknowledge
• 45:11
  the difficulty of it, still remain connected to my humanity without performance.
• 45:20
  And I am grateful for my other cohorts in the community as well, because it lets me know I'm
• 45:30
  not alone. So Danielle's community has springboarded, catapulted me to this place
• 45:41
  where I can create Evolving with Elle when capable women carry too much. So thank you, sister.
• 45:56
  Oh, thanks Elle. And it is so important, you know, I think, oh, we listen to those ideas that
• 46:06
  emotions are bad or that we shouldn't feel things. And it is so important not only to feel your
• 46:12
  emotions, but to honor them, not to, you know, act on them on other people, not to, you know,
• 46:19
  not to act on them and enact them on other people. I don't know where they're going for, but
• 46:26
  to feel them and to honor them and to let them move through us. It's so important not to deny
• 46:33
  how we're feeling, because that's part of denying who you are. It's part of denying
• 46:36
  the signals that your body and your soul are sending you. And why would you want to do that?
• 46:40
  Why would you want to do that? So Elle, thank you so much. Thank you for this beautiful conversation.
• 46:44
  Oh, my goodness. Everybody listen to her podcast. Listen to Evolving with Elle. Go and join the
• 46:51
  conversations where you can you can interact with Elle in real time on Wednesdays. You know,
• 46:57
  listen to her in between. Listen to her in between and then go to the Wednesdays. And if you're a
• 47:02
  woman, go to the Wednesdays and have these conversations, these really perspective shifting,
• 47:09
  curious, compassionate, just very gentle conversations with Elle, because we do. We
• 47:15
  need to live in community. We need to be gently challenged. We need to be taken a little bit,
• 47:20
  just a little bit out of our comfort zone, not too much. So thank you, Elle, so much for being
• 47:25
  here. This was the best conversation ever. I had a great time. And we'll see you on your podcast.
• 47:30
  Yes. Thank you, Danielle. And please join Danielle's community. Become your own inspired
• 47:38
  speaker as you speak to yourself. You create your own podcast. Danielle is very supportive.
• 47:46
  And yeah, just join her community, too, please. Can't wait to see you guys there.
• 47:53
  I hope you enjoyed that wonderful conversation as much as I did. Elle is a treasured friend
• 47:58
  and a fantastic client. I have absolutely loved working with her. We still continue to work
• 48:03
  together. It hasn't ended, but it has been such a joy to watch her evolve with herself.
• 48:10
  And I just wanted to say, you know, we talked a bit about comfort zones and we didn't get to go
• 48:16
  into it as deep because you never get to say everything you want to say on an interview,
• 48:18
  even when you go longer than you plan. But I just wanted to say about comfort zones,
• 48:23
  I think it's so important, yes, to be aware and to be vigilant of where you are being complacent,
• 48:30
  of where you are autopilot. But also, and this is something that I know Elle, if you ask her,
• 48:36
  she will say that she really appreciated with me. I do think it's important, especially with me,
• 48:41
  with what I do, to help people to push their own comfort zones. It's not about throwing someone in
• 48:47
  the deep end and seeing if they sink or swim. I don't think that's the right way to do it.
• 48:51
  You know, it can work occasionally, but it takes a lot more work and a lot more support.
• 48:56
  And then we have to transition out of that at some point. For me, I think the way that I love
• 49:00
  to coach and the way that, especially with public speaking, because it is so scary,
• 49:04
  creating a space where people feel so safe, not comfortable, but safe that they can challenge
• 49:13
  themselves. They don't even need me. Like I'll start. And if I see that they're getting lazy,
• 49:17
  I'll poke them. But what's wonderful about creating a really safe space is when people
• 49:23
  feel really safe, they start challenging themselves. They go, Oh, what else could I do?
• 49:29
  How could I push myself? When we stop pushing everybody else all the time, do more, do more,
• 49:35
  do more, be better, be better. Let's be that. And we just create a space where people can truly just
• 49:40
  connect to themselves and be themselves. I believe that that's when we can start choosing
• 49:46
  to push our comfort zones in a way that serves us the best. So when I'm working with people,
• 49:52
  I don't push them out of their comfort zones. I will encourage them, you know, Hey, why don't
• 49:57
  you try this? And I will, I will give them feedback on what I notice. But for me, the most
• 50:03
  important thing is allowing them to feel so safe that they can mess up, that they can try something
• 50:09
  and fail. And there's no judgment. There's no, you know, outside consequences to like, Oh no,
• 50:17
  you forgot to say what you were going to say, or, you know, you looked foolish.
• 50:22
  Every time we try something, we grow. And when we step out of our comfort zone voluntarily,
• 50:29
  when we allow ourselves to not be pushed, but to be pulled outside of our comfort zone,
• 50:36
  I think that's the big difference. You know, if you, your heart is pulling you outside of
• 50:40
  your comfort zone, that's the kind of growth I want to do. And it's been so fun with Elle and
• 50:46
  with the other people that I've been working with in this network, but also in the Inspired Speaker
• 50:50
  Academy, in the Inspired Speaker Academy in general, I can say my own business name. I can.
• 50:57
  What's so amazing is I get to, yes, I get to keep them honest and I get to make sure that no one is
• 51:06
  lying or performing or showing up inauthentically. But within that I get to create a really safe,
• 51:13
  encouraging space where people can start to figure out how to push themselves, how to be pulled out
• 51:20
  of their comfort zone on their own so that they're not following my path. They're following their own
• 51:26
  path. They're figuring out what type of a speaker they want to be. They're figuring out which edges
• 51:31
  they want to push, not what society says or what other people. And, you know, because we can get
• 51:36
  out of our comfort zones in a way that is detrimental to us. We can do that a lot. As
• 51:41
  someone who has social anxiety, as someone who's quite introverted, I have spent most of my life
• 51:47
  outside of my comfort zone, but in a bad way. And it wasn't useful. And it was only when I learned
• 51:53
  that, oh, hey, I can be safe and then I can start to create my own shape of my comfort zone that for
• 51:59
  me things really clicked. And so Elle Jaye, she touched on that, but I just thought there was more to say.
• 52:05
  So I just wanted to add that to our conversation. And I know that she'd love to be here for that,
• 52:12
  but she's not. But I just wanted to mention that at the end, because I think this is part of how
• 52:19
  we grow. We don't have to push each other. We don't have to punish each other. We don't need
• 52:24
  to be violent. We can grow in this beautiful, accepting, loving, compassionate space. Growth
• 52:32
  is still possible inside compassion. And I think that's something that she demonstrates
• 52:38
  really beautifully in the way that she coaches. And I hope that it's something that I demonstrate,
• 52:42
  because it's something that's very important to me. So thank you for listening to this episode.
• 52:45
  I hope you got something out of it. Go check out Elle Jaye's podcast, the Evolving with Elle,
• 52:51
  When Capable Women Carry Too Much. And also go check out her Elevating Conversations on Wednesdays
• 52:57
  and participate. Become part of the community. If that's something that's important to you,
• 53:02
  let's build it. Let's build it together. I'll see you there.