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Maintaining Harmony in My Home, Small Group, and Church with Pastor Rick Warren · Voice of Rick warren

0:01
Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. Have I told you lately that I love you?
0:04
Speaker 1: I really, really do. You know, good news, this week,
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Speaker 1: it seems like the virus is finally retreating. And I
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Speaker 1: want you to know that we're working on a plan
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Speaker 1: to reopen weekend worship services the very moment it's okay
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Speaker 1: for a church our size. Now, before we get started,
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Speaker 1: I wanna encourage you to pause this video and print
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Speaker 1: out the outline notes because today is an extremely practical
0:25
Speaker 1: and important message that you're gonna be able to apply
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Speaker 1: in many areas of your life. So you might wanna
0:30
Speaker 1: just do that right now. Just pause the video, print
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Speaker 1: out your outline, and then come back. Okay, we've been
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Speaker 1: in a series called The Awesome Power of Vision. And
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Speaker 1: the Bible says, without a vision, the people perish. What
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Speaker 1: does that mean, the people perish? It means they become discouraged.
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Speaker 1: You need a vision for every area of your life
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Speaker 1: or you're gonna get discouraged. You need a vision for
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Speaker 1: your personal life. You need a vision for your marriage,
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Speaker 1: if you're married. You need a vision for your work,
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Speaker 1: for your small group, for your church and for your future.
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Speaker 1: Now today, I wanna share with you the antidote to
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Speaker 1: the greatest enemy of vision. And what is that? What's
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Speaker 1: the greatest enemy of vision? It's division. Division destroys your vision.
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Speaker 1: Division destroys vision. Nothing causes you to lose your vision
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Speaker 1: for anything faster than conflict and division. And today, because
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Speaker 1: of all what we've been going through this past year,
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Speaker 1: conflict is at an all time high, really every kind
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Speaker 1: of area. People's anger is at a higher level. Why? Well,
1:39
Speaker 1: let me explain. You know, this week I learned something
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Speaker 1: I never knew, and it's about what causes an explosion.
1:46
Speaker 1: And I learned that for an explosion to take place,
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Speaker 1: you have to have three elements, and all three of
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Speaker 1: them are necessary. First, you need fuel. You gotta have
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Speaker 1: fuel for an explosion. Second, you need containment, okay? And third,
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Speaker 1: you need a spark. Fuel, containment, and a spark. Now,
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Speaker 1: it was that second element that I didn't know about
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Speaker 1: that causes an explosion. You need containment. In other words,
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Speaker 1: if I take a can of gasoline and I pour
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Speaker 1: it all out over the pavement and I throw a
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Speaker 1: match on it, it's gonna create a fire, but it
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Speaker 1: won't explode. It has to be contained in a can
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Speaker 1: or in a tank for it, to explode. Now, when
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Speaker 1: I heard that, I immediately saw the parallels to all
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Speaker 1: the conflict and relationships that people are having these days
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Speaker 1: and why there's so many explosions of anger out there today. Why?
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Speaker 1: It's because we've been in containment. For the past year,
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Speaker 1: due to COVID-19 pandemic, we have been in a period
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Speaker 1: of strict containment, trying to prevent the spread of the virus.
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Speaker 1: And so we've had quarantines and we've had stay-at-home orders
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Speaker 1: and We've had social distancing and we've had masks and
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Speaker 1: all other kinds of limitations on our normal freedom that
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Speaker 1: we're not used to, we've felt contained. And so that
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Speaker 1: containment is frustrating. And now that we're in a new year,
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Speaker 1: it's annoying, it's irritating, and it's often infuriating. And as
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Speaker 1: I said, now in a new year, then things haven't changed.
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Speaker 1: We're all really tired of being contained. And guess what?
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Speaker 1: That's a flammable situation. So I'm telling you that if
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Speaker 1: you've had more than your normal share of explosions in
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Speaker 1: your marriage, in your family, in your neighborhood, in your friendships,
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Speaker 1: at work, if you had more conflict, more explosions, it's
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Speaker 1: because of this containment principle. We're all frustrated. And when
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Speaker 1: it's all contained and it's all bottled up, the smallest
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Speaker 1: spark can set you off and create a huge explosion
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Speaker 1: of anger and misunderstanding and hurt feelings and disappointment, conflict.
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Speaker 1: In fact, I just read this week, I was in
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Speaker 1: the book of Nehemiah in my his word, first word
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Speaker 1: and his word, last word, and I found a guy
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Speaker 1: named Sanballat who said he exploded with anger. Now, as
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Speaker 1: your pastor, I told you at the very start of
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Speaker 1: this pandemic, almost a year ago, that my job is
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Speaker 1: not to help you with the disease, but to help
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Speaker 1: you cope with the dis-ease of the disease. the stress
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Speaker 1: and the fatigue and the pressure from all that containment
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Speaker 1: and all the changes we had last year. Now, the
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Speaker 1: antidote to division and conflict is harmony. So that's what
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Speaker 1: we're gonna look at today. I'm gonna give you four
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Speaker 1: biblical principles on how to maintain harmony in your home,
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Speaker 1: how to maintain harmony in your marriage, in your family,
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Speaker 1: how to maintain harmony in your small group, in your neighborhood,
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Speaker 1: in your church. Very, very important principles. Look at this verse.
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Speaker 1: Ephesians 4.3 in the Amplified says, strive earnestly to guard
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Speaker 1: and keep the harmony of the Spirit. Do you do that?
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Speaker 1: Do you strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony
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Speaker 1: of the Spirit in your home? Are you working at
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Speaker 1: harmony in your home, in your relationships, in your small
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Speaker 1: group all the time? 1 Corinthians 14, 33, God's word
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Speaker 1: translation says this, God is not a God of disorder.
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Speaker 1: He's the God of peace. And he wants it in
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Speaker 1: all of his churches. In the living Bible, it says
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Speaker 1: he likes harmony. God wants harmony in your life. And
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Speaker 1: if you're married, he wants harmony in your marriage. And
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Speaker 1: if you're in a small group, he wants you to
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Speaker 1: have harmony in your small group. He wants you to
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Speaker 1: have harmony in your work, in your neighborhood, in your church,
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Speaker 1: and literally everywhere else. Now, The principles that produce harmony
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Speaker 1: in church also work in any other relationship. So this
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Speaker 1: message is gonna have really wide application in your life. Now,
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Speaker 1: I wanna tell you a little personal note here. The
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Speaker 1: origin of this message is very different than when I
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Speaker 1: normally prepare a message. And I thought you'd be interested
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Speaker 1: in knowing how I came up with this message. Because
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Speaker 1: last Wednesday night, I went to bed early because I
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Speaker 1: was exhausted. I had been counseling pastors of other churches
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Speaker 1: all day and also people involved in marriage conflict, people
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Speaker 1: who were discouraged by conflict. The pastors were discouraged about
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Speaker 1: conflict among their members and churches because there's an epidemic
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Speaker 1: of conflict going on even in churches because of this
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Speaker 1: containment that I talked about earlier. There have been a
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Speaker 1: number of articles written saying that churches today are more
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Speaker 1: divided than at any other time since the Civil War.
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Speaker 1: And the divisions are actually over three different areas where
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Speaker 1: opinions differ widely. First, surveys show members of churches are
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Speaker 1: divided over how to respond to this COVID pandemic. And
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Speaker 1: even in churches that have already reopened, attendance is only
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Speaker 1: about 30 to 40% of normal attendance across America. Second,
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Speaker 1: surveys show that churches are divided over racial equality right now.
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Speaker 1: And third, surveys show that members are deeply divided over politics.
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Speaker 1: Now I'm sure we've got disagreements on all three of
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Speaker 1: those in our Saddleback family. Anyway, I went to bed
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Speaker 1: after counseling all these pastors and dealing a little bit
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Speaker 1: of marriage counseling too. And at about 1.30 in the morning,
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Speaker 1: God woke me up. And I woke up at 1.30
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Speaker 1: in the morning and he put a phrase in my
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Speaker 1: mind and it was this phrase, do not let, do
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Speaker 1: not let. And I thought, well, okay, if God put
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Speaker 1: that phrase in my mind, he wanted me to get
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Speaker 1: up and study that phrase through the scripture. So I did.
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Speaker 1: And I got up at 1.30 and spent the rest
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Speaker 1: of the night searching all through the scriptures for that phrase.
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Speaker 1: And you know what I found? I found 40 different
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Speaker 1: do not let commands in scripture. They were so practical,
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Speaker 1: so applicable to everything we're going through today. Honestly, I
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Speaker 1: was practically shouting hallelujah. I was so encouraged by the
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Speaker 1: time I finished that study, and I was amazed at
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Speaker 1: how relevant those 40 commands were to all of the
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Speaker 1: tension and all of the conflict that we're seeing in
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Speaker 1: our culture today. Now, today, I'm just going to share
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Speaker 1: some of those do not let commands, and I'm going
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Speaker 1: to categorize them. as four principles for preventing explosions, okay?
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Speaker 1: How to lower the tension in all of your relationships.
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Speaker 1: Four principles for maintaining harmony and preventing explosions, okay? Here
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Speaker 1: are the four principles. Number one, reserve judgment until I
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Speaker 1: know all the facts and the whole story. That's the
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Speaker 1: first principle of harmony. and the first principle of lowering
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Speaker 1: the anger factor in your relationships. Reserve judgment until I
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Speaker 1: know all the facts and the whole story. Are you
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Speaker 1: the kind of person that if there's a conclusion within
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Speaker 1: 50 yards, you jump for it? Are you quick to
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Speaker 1: make assumptions? Are you swift to think the worst about people?
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Speaker 1: This is everywhere because there's no unbiased news anymore in
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Speaker 1: the media. Everything's biased. And every night, regardless of what
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Speaker 1: cable channel you watch, you're gonna get three hours of
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Speaker 1: strong opinion, not news. And they always leave out the
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Speaker 1: parts of the story that don't match their opinion. But
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Speaker 1: in today's information society, there are two absolutely vital qualities
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Speaker 1: that you need to work on as a Christian. And
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Speaker 1: the two qualities you need today to reserve judgment until
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Speaker 1: you have all the facts and know the whole story.
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Speaker 1: The two solid commitments and two solid values you need
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Speaker 1: are sound judgment and discernment. Sound judgment and discernment. There
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Speaker 1: are just friends, too many gullible Christians out there willing
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Speaker 1: to believe anything they hear or anything they read on
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Speaker 1: social media. They don't stop and question it. They just
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Speaker 1: automatically accept anything on the internet or on cable TV.
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Speaker 1: Here's the first principle, Proverbs 3, 21. preserve sound judgment
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Speaker 1: and discernment. Do not let, there's the first do not let,
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Speaker 1: do not let them out of your sight. What do
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Speaker 1: I not let out of my sight? Sound judgment and discernment.
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Speaker 1: What is he saying there? He's saying, don't throw away
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Speaker 1: your common sense. Don't be gullible. Don't believe everything you hear.
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Speaker 1: That's gonna cause conflict. It says preserve sound judgment. What
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Speaker 1: does preserve means? It means you hold on to something.
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Speaker 1: It means you don't quickly throw it out. You don't
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Speaker 1: get rid of it. You hold on to sound judgment
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Speaker 1: and you hold on to discernment. And he says, that's
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Speaker 1: gonna be the first thing that will help you have
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Speaker 1: harmony in your home and everywhere else. Why? Well, God
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Speaker 1: says this. You're gonna have conflict when you make snap judgments.
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Speaker 1: How many times have you assumed something with your spouse
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Speaker 1: or a friend or somebody else and you got into
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Speaker 1: trouble over it? You don't make snap judgments. You don't
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Speaker 1: be so quick to condemn criticize. You don't assume that
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Speaker 1: you know people's motivation because you don't. And you don't
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Speaker 1: assume you've heard the whole story. When you assume you've
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Speaker 1: heard the whole story and you know all the facts
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Speaker 1: and you don't conclusion, it's going to create conflict. Proverbs 18,
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Speaker 1: 13 says this in the living Bible. What a shame. Yes.
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Speaker 1: How stupid to decide before knowing the facts. This is
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Speaker 1: the first principle to lower the explosion level in your life.
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Speaker 1: Don't decide before knowing all the facts. Listen for the
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Speaker 1: whole story. 1 Corinthians 4, 5, the first part of
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Speaker 1: it in the message says this, don't get ahead of
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Speaker 1: the master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before
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Speaker 1: all the evidence is in. That's pretty clear. Don't rush
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Speaker 1: to judgment before you heard the whole story. One reason
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Speaker 1: I don't read or post much on social media because
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Speaker 1: I learned that people will take anything you say and
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Speaker 1: they'll interpret it and amplify it and change it. and
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Speaker 1: mean whatever they want it to mean. They make snap
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Speaker 1: judgments without getting all the facts and the full story.
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Speaker 1: And every time they're wrong. You know, every week I
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Speaker 1: get letters from well-meaning people who will take, for instance,
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Speaker 1: one thing that I say in a sermon, you build
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Speaker 1: a whole case about something that I don't even believe
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Speaker 1: at all. Why? Because they don't preserve sound judgment and discipline.
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Speaker 1: They're listening to biases. They're making snap decisions. We all
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Speaker 1: need to realize that everybody, I've got a filter and
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Speaker 1: you've got a filter. Everybody has a filter that we
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Speaker 1: hear for everything we hear. And although when you say
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Speaker 1: something to your spouse, you say something to a friend,
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Speaker 1: you say something to me, you may mean it one way,
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna hear it and they're gonna hear it in
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Speaker 1: a very different way. If you don't understand that, you're
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Speaker 1: gonna have a lot of conflict. When you assume that
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Speaker 1: they understand what you meant by what you said instead
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Speaker 1: of what they think you meant, you're gonna have conflict.
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Speaker 1: You say stuff all the time that people take in
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Speaker 1: different ways and you didn't mean it that way. That's
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Speaker 1: why the Bible tells us to reserve judgment. 1 Corinthians 4,
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Speaker 1: 5 says this, you should not pass, this is today's
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Speaker 1: English version, you should not pass judgment on anyone before
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Speaker 1: the right time. And the final judgment must wait until
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Speaker 1: the Lord comes. And he'll bring to light dark secrets
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Speaker 1: and expose the hidden purposes of people's minds. So till
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Speaker 1: that comes, you can forget trying to figure out people's motivations.
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Speaker 1: You know, here's another verse, Ephesians 5, 6, the NCV.
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Speaker 1: Do not let anyone fool you by telling you the
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Speaker 1: things things that aren't true. There's another, do not let.
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Speaker 1: Do not let anyone fool you. Now, the reason I
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Speaker 1: put that command in is because I discovered it was
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Speaker 1: the most repeated do not let command in the Bible.
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Speaker 1: In fact, six times in the New Testament, God says this,
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Speaker 1: do not let anybody fool you with lies. He says
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Speaker 1: it six times, do not let anybody fool you with lies.
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Speaker 1: Is that a warning we need to hear in today's culture? Yeah,
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Speaker 1: six times God says, do not let anyone fool you
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Speaker 1: with lies. Today we're gullible. Christians have been deceived by
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Speaker 1: conspiracy theories, duped by social media, misled by hoaxes, tricks
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Speaker 1: by false report. You know, I used to wonder why
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Speaker 1: the Bible has so many, many warnings in it about
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Speaker 1: false prophets and false teachers. Because honestly, I'll just be
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Speaker 1: honest with you. I didn't see that many false teachers around.
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Speaker 1: Of course, I knew there were cults, but they're obviously false.
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Speaker 1: But in today's culture, we now have many well-meaning and
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Speaker 1: sincere Christians who are spouting things that are simply false.
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Speaker 1: They're just wrong. And in many of them are in
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Speaker 1: the media. And that's why we have to test everything
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Speaker 1: in the Bible by God's word. If they don't have
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Speaker 1: a verse for it, you should not automatically accept it.
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Speaker 1: You see, the question should always be when you hear
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Speaker 1: something and you go, hmm, you say, what does God
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Speaker 1: say about it? What does God say about it? So
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Speaker 1: that's the first principle, reserve judgment, okay? Something your wife
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Speaker 1: said or something you said or something your husband said
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Speaker 1: or something I said or anything until you've heard all
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Speaker 1: the facts and the whole story. Now, here's the second
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Speaker 1: principle for maintaining harmony in your home and reducing the
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Speaker 1: number of explosions in your marriage and relationships and family
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Speaker 1: and group and church. Here it is, number two. Be
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Speaker 1: sensitive and empathetic to what offends others. Be sensitive and
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Speaker 1: empathetic to what offends others. We have to be sympathetic
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Speaker 1: to the things that offend other people. Now the Bible's
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Speaker 1: got a ton of things to say about this in relationships.
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Speaker 1: 1 Corinthians 10, 32, amplified. Do not let yourself, there's
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Speaker 1: a do not let, do not let yourself cause anyone
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Speaker 1: to be offended. Oh my goodness. You talk about a
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Speaker 1: hard verse. Don't let yourself cause anybody to be offended.
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Speaker 1: And the rest of the verse says, whether they're Jews
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Speaker 1: or Gentiles, that means non-Christians, or they're in the family
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Speaker 1: of God, those in the family of God. Now, today,
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Speaker 1: this principle, of being sensitive to the offenses that are
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Speaker 1: caused of others when people get offended. This principle is
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Speaker 1: more important because in today's culture, seems like everybody's got
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Speaker 1: a chip on their shoulder. It seems like it's easy
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Speaker 1: to offend everybody these days. Everybody feels like a victim.
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Speaker 1: Everybody's offended by everything. We all get offended easily and
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Speaker 1: we all offend others easily. But in that context, God
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Speaker 1: tells us that if we're truly Christians and we're really
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Speaker 1: trying to be Christ-like, We are called to do two things. First,
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Speaker 1: we're not to take offense from others. Okay, a lot
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Speaker 1: of persons basically tell us, don't let yourself be offended
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Speaker 1: by anything. Okay, and second, we don't do anything that
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Speaker 1: causes others to be offended. Those are marks of a Christian. Now,
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Speaker 1: I can't ask you to raise your hands, but I
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Speaker 1: wonder if you admit that you're often insensitive to the
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Speaker 1: impact of your words and your actions. Can you admit that?
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Speaker 1: I wonder how many of you say, I have sometimes,
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Speaker 1: maybe not very often, I've sometimes been insensitive to my spouse.
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Speaker 1: I sometimes have not been empathetic to what offends her
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Speaker 1: or him. I have not always been empathetic to what
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Speaker 1: offends others. I'm not as sensitive as I think I am.
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Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. Can you quickly think
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Speaker 1: of five things that you do that offend your spouse?
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Speaker 1: Can you do that? If you can't, if you can't
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Speaker 1: think of five things that offend your spouse, just ask them.
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Speaker 1: They'll be glad to tell you. It's far easier for
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Speaker 1: you to think of five things that other people do
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Speaker 1: that offend you. You can do that. That's human nature.
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Speaker 1: I can think of things that offend me. I have
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Speaker 1: a hard time of thinking of things that I do
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Speaker 1: that offend others. By the way, I just want excited
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Speaker 1: to announce that Kay and I have decided to teach
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Speaker 1: an online marriage message in the next couple of weeks.
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Speaker 1: because we've seen so much conflict in marriages, probably around
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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. And we hear all of the constant stress
18:51
Speaker 1: that the pandemic and the containments causing in marriages to
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Speaker 1: implode or explode. And so we wanna help you lower
18:59
Speaker 1: that stress. We're gonna do that during the middle of
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Speaker 1: the week for those of you who are married couples.
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Speaker 1: But this second principle of harmony is to be sympathetic
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Speaker 1: and empathetic instead of being defensive when we cause an offense.
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Speaker 1: First Peter chapter three, verse eight says this, live in harmony.
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Speaker 1: That's what we're talking about. And be sympathetic. They go together.
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Speaker 1: Harmony and sympathy and empathy go together. Now, this doesn't
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Speaker 1: just apply to your marriage. It applies to any time
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Speaker 1: you offend anybody. Let me give you an example of
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Speaker 1: my own mistake where I did it wrong before I
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Speaker 1: did it right, where I wasn't sympathetic to the way
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Speaker 1: I defended people. In 2013, which was the year that
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Speaker 1: Matthew died, I remember looking online, I saw a 50-year-old
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Speaker 1: motivational poster online of a young Chinese woman, and she's
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Speaker 1: full of energy and vigor and vim, and she's smiling
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Speaker 1: with that, we can do it attitude, we can do
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Speaker 1: anything on her face. And to me, it was a
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Speaker 1: model of a highly motivated person. She looked happy, she
20:07
Speaker 1: looked productive. So you know what I did? I took
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Speaker 1: that poster and I posted it on social media with
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Speaker 1: this line. This is the attitude of our Saddleback staff
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Speaker 1: as they start work each day. Well, Chinese Christians immediately
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Speaker 1: start accusing me of being insensitive. And some non-Christians even
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Speaker 1: accused me of being racist. And they told me there
20:30
Speaker 1: was nothing good or funny about that poster. Instead, they
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Speaker 1: said it was deeply offensive to them. Well, I have
20:36
Speaker 1: to admit that I didn't get it. And at first
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Speaker 1: I was not sensitive to their offense because I didn't
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Speaker 1: understand it. I didn't understand why it was offensive and
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Speaker 1: I didn't think it was a big deal. I just
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Speaker 1: didn't get it. I wasn't sympathetic. I wasn't empathetic. So
20:53
Speaker 1: my first response was actually defensive, not sensitive. And I
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Speaker 1: posted back when all these critics came in, I said, friends,
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Speaker 1: I'm just me affirming the energy and attitude of my staff.
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Speaker 1: But you know what happened? Then some of the offended
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Speaker 1: people took the time to explain to me that that
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Speaker 1: poster was a communist cultural revolution poster of the Red
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Speaker 1: Guard that had persecuted Christians in China. And some of
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Speaker 1: their parents had been thrown in prison. Well, I immediately
21:25
Speaker 1: saw my insensitivity and immediately understood why that poster was
21:29
Speaker 1: so hurtful to them. And I realized they were right
21:33
Speaker 1: and I was wrong. And so I posted a, sincere
21:37
Speaker 1: and heartfelt apology. I finally got it. You know, I'd
21:42
Speaker 1: never want to hurt people intentionally, but I'd been guilty
21:45
Speaker 1: of being insensitive to a culture. And when I do that,
21:49
Speaker 1: or when you do that, the only right thing to
21:53
Speaker 1: do is to apologize and ask forgiveness. So I did.
22:00
Speaker 1: You know, many of you know that this last week
22:02
Speaker 1: we got another opportunity to show sensitivity. Some of you know,
22:07
Speaker 1: most of you know, that humor is a powerful tool
22:10
Speaker 1: to use to get kids' attention and to teach them stuff. Well,
22:14
Speaker 1: last weekend, our kids' ministry replayed a five-year-old Sunday school
22:17
Speaker 1: lesson where a teacher dressed up as an Asian martial
22:20
Speaker 1: arts sensei to use humor to teach the lesson. But
22:25
Speaker 1: it was a caricature intended to be funny. But you
22:29
Speaker 1: know what? Caricatures and stereotypes are demeaning. and they're hurtful
22:35
Speaker 1: to the people that are caricatured. So by Sunday afternoon,
22:41
Speaker 1: the internet was being flooded with angry Asian Christians pointing
22:46
Speaker 1: out how insensitive it was. And some parents said, I
22:48
Speaker 1: couldn't let my kids watch the Sunday school lesson this
22:50
Speaker 1: week because they're made fun of at school all the
22:53
Speaker 1: time with Asian stereotypes. One of our Asian pastors got
22:58
Speaker 1: a call from a large Asian Christian organization warning us
23:02
Speaker 1: that they were posting a press release condemning Saddleback Church
23:06
Speaker 1: for being racist. Now, of course, you know we're not
23:09
Speaker 1: a racist church, that our members speak 168 languages, that
23:14
Speaker 1: one of our values, the A in our name, stands
23:16
Speaker 1: for an all-nation congregation, and that we're working hard and
23:19
Speaker 1: trying to work harder to oppose the sin of racism.
23:23
Speaker 1: It's sin. So we could have been very defensive and said, really,
23:27
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? Go find a truly racist church.
23:30
Speaker 1: But because I memorized a lot of scripture, The Holy
23:33
Speaker 1: Spirit instantly brought two verses to my mind. And the
23:37
Speaker 1: first one was this. Romans 14, 16 says, do not
23:41
Speaker 1: let what you know is good to get a bad name.
23:45
Speaker 1: Do not let what you know is good to get
23:48
Speaker 1: a bad name. So I knew I needed to respond
23:50
Speaker 1: to this. And we defend the reputation of the church,
23:54
Speaker 1: but how do we do it? We do it by
23:55
Speaker 1: being Christ-like and by responding in a humble, non-defensive manner.
24:02
Speaker 1: Second verse that I remembered in my mind was a
24:05
Speaker 1: statement of Jesus in Matthew 5, 25, where he says,
24:09
Speaker 1: settle matters quickly with an adversary. Now, this is a
24:14
Speaker 1: principle you need in your marriage and in every other
24:16
Speaker 1: part of your life. If you have a conflict or
24:19
Speaker 1: you have a fight with anybody, your spouse or anybody else,
24:23
Speaker 1: don't delay it. Don't delay it. Don't let it fester.
24:28
Speaker 1: Deal with it as quickly as you can. Jesus said,
24:31
Speaker 1: settle quickly with an adversary. Time is of the essence.
24:35
Speaker 1: Unintended wounds tend to get worse. You know that from experience.
24:40
Speaker 1: When you've had a fight with somebody and you didn't
24:42
Speaker 1: resolve it and didn't resolve it, it doesn't get better.
24:45
Speaker 1: It gets worse. Jesus says, settle quickly. when you've had
24:50
Speaker 1: a conflict. Don't dilly-dally. Speed is important in conflict. If
24:53
Speaker 1: you remain silent, it just allows things to grow out
24:56
Speaker 1: of control. It's better to nip the conflict than the bud. Again,
25:00
Speaker 1: this is another lesson I had to learn the hard way.
25:04
Speaker 1: I'm sharing with you all my mistakes this weekend, okay?
25:08
Speaker 1: You know, social media has some advantages, but it also
25:11
Speaker 1: has a dark side that can spread division and hatred
25:14
Speaker 1: faster than anything we've ever known. And we've all seen
25:16
Speaker 1: well-known people crash and burn from the instant response to
25:20
Speaker 1: something they posted. Stuff takes on a life of its
25:23
Speaker 1: own very fast on the internet. So let me pause
25:26
Speaker 1: right here because the internet is causing a lot of
25:28
Speaker 1: conflict today and we're talking about how to resolve it.
25:31
Speaker 1: There are three big dangers you need to keep in
25:34
Speaker 1: mind if you use social media, okay? Let me just
25:37
Speaker 1: give you some guidance here as your pastor who loves you.
25:40
Speaker 1: If you wanna minimize conflict and you're using social media,
25:45
Speaker 1: three things to remember, number one, Realize, never forget this,
25:48
Speaker 1: realize this. No matter what you say, it's gonna be
25:51
Speaker 1: misunderstood and misinterpreted by somebody. Just count on that. You
25:56
Speaker 1: can count on that. If you put something out there
25:58
Speaker 1: that thousands or even millions might see, don't be surprised
26:03
Speaker 1: that they misunderstand it. They're likely to make a negative
26:05
Speaker 1: comment about it. They make a negative comment, it's gonna
26:08
Speaker 1: travel faster and farther than anything positive you could possibly say.
26:13
Speaker 1: Second danger is that everything you post on the internet,
26:17
Speaker 1: if you do that, becomes permanent, even if it's a lie.
26:21
Speaker 1: It becomes permanent, global, searchable, and repeatable. So before you
26:28
Speaker 1: post stuff, you need to say, do I want this
26:30
Speaker 1: to be permanent, searchable, global, and repeatable? Third danger, if
26:35
Speaker 1: you use social media, is that if you don't apologize
26:39
Speaker 1: for something that people are offended by, or you correct
26:42
Speaker 1: it or challenge it immediately, you lose the battle in
26:45
Speaker 1: about an hour. because the critics aren't gonna wait for
26:49
Speaker 1: your clarification. Again, let me give you another personal example
26:53
Speaker 1: from mistakes that I've made. About 10 years ago, there
26:58
Speaker 1: was an old television preacher who has now gone on
27:01
Speaker 1: to heaven, started telling people, quote, Rick Warren is creating
27:06
Speaker 1: a new religion, blending Islam with Christianity, and it's called Chrislam.
27:12
Speaker 1: Some of you remember this, okay? About 10 years ago. He's,
27:15
Speaker 1: Warren is creating a new religion blending Islam and Christianity
27:19
Speaker 1: called Iskrislam. I'd never even heard of such thing. Now
27:22
Speaker 1: the idea was so ludicrous. It was laughable. I made
27:26
Speaker 1: a mistake. What I did is I ignored it. I
27:30
Speaker 1: just thought that's, who's gonna believe that? Who's gonna believe that? And,
27:35
Speaker 1: you know, they all know I believe Jesus is the
27:37
Speaker 1: only way. Jesus is the only way, the truth and
27:40
Speaker 1: the life. So I waited like four days before posting
27:44
Speaker 1: a correction And by then it was too late. Jesus says,
27:50
Speaker 1: settle with your adversaries quickly. By then it was too late.
27:53
Speaker 1: The lie had spread all around the globe. And even today,
27:56
Speaker 1: 10 years later, it's still the lie that won't die.
28:00
Speaker 1: You can go on right now and type in Rick
28:01
Speaker 1: Warren and Chris Lemon. You'll get all kinds of articles.
28:04
Speaker 1: I have been asked by this, about this question all
28:07
Speaker 1: around the world. by reporters in India, by reporters in Africa,
28:12
Speaker 1: in little villages you've never heard of. I still, 10
28:14
Speaker 1: years later, I said, are you promoting Chrislam? It's just
28:20
Speaker 1: spread all over. Why? Because it's permanent, searchable. It's a lie,
28:24
Speaker 1: but it's never gonna go away. And if you don't
28:28
Speaker 1: move quickly to correct something on the internet, people are
28:32
Speaker 1: gonna think it actually represents you. So when you've hurt
28:35
Speaker 1: somebody's feelings, or you've offended someone, the best and quickest
28:40
Speaker 1: way to resolve it is to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
28:44
Speaker 1: That's what we did this last week. I put out
28:47
Speaker 1: a letter, posted it on the internet, instantly apologized, and
28:50
Speaker 1: the very organization that was gonna blast us for being
28:53
Speaker 1: racist actually changed and said, Saddleback is an example of
28:57
Speaker 1: how to handle this kind of stuff. Why? Because we
29:01
Speaker 1: did it the right way. Proverbs 28, 13 says this.
29:05
Speaker 1: Anyone who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful.
29:09
Speaker 1: But if you confess and forsake them, you get another chance,
29:14
Speaker 1: all right? We are the S in Saddleback, second chance,
29:17
Speaker 1: place of grace. Now, I know what some of you
29:19
Speaker 1: are thinking. You're thinking, you know, people just shouldn't be
29:22
Speaker 1: so sensitive. Well, that's not the Christ-like response. You need
29:30
Speaker 1: to remember a couple things. These are biblical principles. First
29:33
Speaker 1: is this. intent is never an excuse for impact. What
29:39
Speaker 1: do I mean by that? Well, saying, well, I didn't
29:42
Speaker 1: mean it that way is no excuse. If you hurt somebody,
29:47
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what your intent was, you still hurt them.
29:50
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter what your intent is, no excuse for impact.
29:56
Speaker 1: Other people don't get to decide what is hurtful to you.
30:00
Speaker 1: Other people don't get to decide what is painful to you.
30:04
Speaker 1: And you don't get to decide what is hurtful and
30:07
Speaker 1: painful and offensive to them. So just because you don't
30:11
Speaker 1: think it's offensive or hurtful or painful doesn't mean, no,
30:14
Speaker 1: they get to decide just like you decide what's hurt you.
30:18
Speaker 1: So we have to work hard to make sure that
30:21
Speaker 1: our intent and our impact match as Christians. The other
30:26
Speaker 1: principle you need to remember is this. God expects us
30:29
Speaker 1: to put the consideration of the feelings of others ahead
30:32
Speaker 1: of our own. Oh, baby. There are a lot of
30:35
Speaker 1: scriptures on this one. Look at this verse. Romans 15,
30:39
Speaker 1: one to three, says this. We can't just go ahead
30:42
Speaker 1: and do whatever pleases ourselves. We must be considerate of
30:46
Speaker 1: the doubts and the fears of others who are offended.
30:50
Speaker 1: We should think of what's good for others and build
30:53
Speaker 1: them up by doing what pleases them, not ourselves, them.
30:58
Speaker 1: For Christ did not please himself. Instead, he felt, as
31:02
Speaker 1: the scripture tells us, when others insult you, it hurts me.
31:08
Speaker 1: You wanna be like Christ? Develop the attitude, when my
31:11
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters get insulted, it hurts me, okay? When
31:16
Speaker 1: you're insulted, I'm insulted because we're part of the body
31:19
Speaker 1: of Christ, okay? We take offense for the offenses of others.
31:25
Speaker 1: We share their offenses. We don't get offended. But we
31:28
Speaker 1: are sensitive and we are empathetic to when people are offended. Now,
31:36
Speaker 1: I reserve judgment until I know all the facts and
31:39
Speaker 1: the whole story. Second, I be sensitive and empathetic to
31:42
Speaker 1: what offends others. And I don't be a defensive. I
31:44
Speaker 1: don't say, well, you're being too sensitive. I don't delay apologies.
31:48
Speaker 1: Here's the third principle for harmony in your home, in
31:51
Speaker 1: your work, in our church, anywhere. I limit my freedom
31:55
Speaker 1: out of love. Limit My freedom out of love. Here's
32:01
Speaker 1: another do not let command. Galatians 5, 13 to 16.
32:06
Speaker 1: Do not let your freedom become an excuse for indulging
32:11
Speaker 1: your selfish nature. Okay, so you got freedom to do
32:15
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff, but that doesn't mean you should
32:17
Speaker 1: just go around and do whatever you please. He says, instead,
32:20
Speaker 1: let love make you serve each other. That's what we
32:25
Speaker 1: use freedom for, freedom to love and serve each other.
32:28
Speaker 1: For the whole law of God can be summed up
32:30
Speaker 1: in this one command, love your neighbors yourself. How come
32:33
Speaker 1: we keep coming back to this verse? Because it's the
32:35
Speaker 1: most important thing. But he says, if instead of showing love,
32:40
Speaker 1: you're always biting and devouring one another, watch out, you'll
32:44
Speaker 1: destroy each other. We looked at that verse last week,
32:47
Speaker 1: but it's one of the do not let verses. And
32:49
Speaker 1: it says, instead, live by following the spirit. And he said,
32:55
Speaker 1: and if you do that, You won't do what your
32:57
Speaker 1: self-centered nature craves, okay? You're not gonna be just pleasing yourself.
33:04
Speaker 1: You're gonna be pleasing those around you. You're gonna be
33:08
Speaker 1: taking care to not offend others. Romans 14, 19 and
33:12
Speaker 1: 20 says this. Aim for harmony. Aim for harmony in
33:18
Speaker 1: the church. If he wants harmony in church, he wants
33:20
Speaker 1: it everywhere else too. Aim for harmony in the church
33:23
Speaker 1: and build each other up. Don't let the eating of
33:26
Speaker 1: food destroy the work of God. Now, remember last week,
33:29
Speaker 1: I mentioned that Rome, the church in Rome was having
33:31
Speaker 1: a conflict and what they were fighting over was, should
33:34
Speaker 1: you eat meat or should you be a vegetarian? It
33:37
Speaker 1: was a big fight. And Paul had to even talk
33:40
Speaker 1: about it, both in Rome and then also in Corinth.
33:43
Speaker 1: And he says this, all foods are all right to eat,
33:47
Speaker 1: but it's wrong to eat food that causes somebody else
33:49
Speaker 1: to sin. He says, it is better not to eat
33:54
Speaker 1: meat or drink wine or do anything that will cause
33:58
Speaker 1: your brother or sister to sin. What am I doing there?
34:02
Speaker 1: I'm limiting my freedom in love. Do I have the
34:05
Speaker 1: right to do those things? Yes, but I limit my
34:08
Speaker 1: freedom out of love. This principle of limiting my freedom
34:12
Speaker 1: out of love is one that God expects both you
34:15
Speaker 1: to practice both with Christians and with non-Christians. Let me
34:20
Speaker 1: show you two verses. First with Christians, 1 Corinthians 10, 24.
34:24
Speaker 1: Don't think only of your own good. Think of other
34:28
Speaker 1: Christians and what's best for them. So I'm not just
34:31
Speaker 1: to think about what's best for me. I'm supposed to
34:34
Speaker 1: think about what's best for others and the Saddleback family,
34:39
Speaker 1: because that's my church family. 1 Corinthians 10, 33 says
34:43
Speaker 1: the same thing with non-believers. Paul says, I try to
34:46
Speaker 1: please everyone in everything I do. I don't just do
34:50
Speaker 1: what I like. or what's best for me, I do
34:53
Speaker 1: what is best for them so that they may be saved.
34:59
Speaker 1: You don't want somebody to go to hell because you
35:01
Speaker 1: offended them as a Christian. Now, let's review. If I
35:07
Speaker 1: want harmony in all of my relationships, in my small group,
35:10
Speaker 1: in my church, in my home, wherever, first, I reserve judgment.
35:14
Speaker 1: I don't make snap judgments. I don't jump to conclusions.
35:17
Speaker 1: When I hear something, I don't immediately assume the worst.
35:20
Speaker 1: I reserve judgment till I know all the facts and
35:22
Speaker 1: the whole story. Second, I'm sensitive and empathetic to what
35:27
Speaker 1: offends others. I don't go, well, you shouldn't be offended. No, no,
35:31
Speaker 1: I'm sensitive to what, I get to choose what offends
35:34
Speaker 1: me and tell you that hurt. And you get to
35:37
Speaker 1: choose and say to me, well, that hurt. And I
35:39
Speaker 1: don't put it down. I don't demean it or dismiss it. Third,
35:43
Speaker 1: I limit my freedom out of love. And finally, fourth,
35:48
Speaker 1: always be humble and kind That's the fourth Christ-like principle
35:53
Speaker 1: for harmony anywhere you want. Always, always, always, always, always
35:59
Speaker 1: be humble and be kind. Now there are a ton
36:04
Speaker 1: of do not let commands about this point. But let
36:09
Speaker 1: me just show you a few of them. Philippians 2, 3.
36:12
Speaker 1: Do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead,
36:19
Speaker 1: be humble. Give more honor to others than to yourself.
36:24
Speaker 1: You know, what I've discovered in this containment thing is
36:27
Speaker 1: that pressure, when we're in contained, like you can't do
36:31
Speaker 1: everything you wanna do. Pressure is an interesting thing. People
36:35
Speaker 1: respond differently to stress and differently to pressure. It's like
36:39
Speaker 1: taking a bottle of toothpaste. If I put pressure on
36:43
Speaker 1: that bottle of tooth, that tube of toothpaste, what's gonna
36:46
Speaker 1: come out? Well, you say toothpaste, of course, that's what's
36:49
Speaker 1: gonna come out on a tube of toothpaste. Not necessarily.
36:52
Speaker 1: It may say toothpaste on a label, but whatever is
36:55
Speaker 1: inside is what's going to come out. And if somebody
36:58
Speaker 1: secretly filled that toothpaste tube with jello or olive oil
37:03
Speaker 1: or refried beans or baby food, when the pressure is
37:08
Speaker 1: on that toothpaste tube, whatever is inside is what's going
37:12
Speaker 1: to come out. And that's true of you. It's true
37:16
Speaker 1: of me. That when the pressure's on, what's going to
37:19
Speaker 1: come out is what's really in your heart. It's gonna
37:23
Speaker 1: spill out when you're under stress. As a pastor, of course,
37:28
Speaker 1: I deal with thousands of people and I wanna tell
37:30
Speaker 1: you something I've learned. That under stress, nice people become
37:34
Speaker 1: nicer and patient people become more patient. But under stress,
37:40
Speaker 1: mean people become more mean when they're under stress. And
37:44
Speaker 1: bullies become bigger bullies. And angry people become more angry.
37:48
Speaker 1: And opinionated people become more opinionated. Whatever's inside of you
37:54
Speaker 1: is what's gonna come out when you're under pressure. James
37:59
Speaker 1: chapter two, verse one says this. Here's a verse, another
38:03
Speaker 1: do not let verse. Do not let class distinction enter
38:08
Speaker 1: into your faith in Jesus Christ. Wow, what does that mean?
38:12
Speaker 1: God's talking about the sin of prejudice. bias, racism. Don't
38:17
Speaker 1: let class distinction enter into your faith. He's saying prejudice
38:23
Speaker 1: is wrong. Now, prejudice is not a permanent idea. It's
38:27
Speaker 1: typically a momentary sin, and it's easily confessed. And say,
38:31
Speaker 1: I was wrong. That was sinful. You told a joke
38:35
Speaker 1: about some culture, okay? You just admit it. Romans 12,
38:40
Speaker 1: 16 says this, Give the same respect to everyone alike.
38:47
Speaker 1: Do you do that? You give equal respect to everybody alike.
38:50
Speaker 1: Pay no regard to social standing. Be humble. This is
38:54
Speaker 1: what humility is all about. Be humble and meet people
38:57
Speaker 1: on their own terms and don't think you know it all.
39:01
Speaker 1: Proverbs 3, verse 3, New American Standard says this. Not
39:04
Speaker 1: only should we be humble, but we have to be kind.
39:08
Speaker 1: Here's another do not let command. Do not let kindness...
39:13
Speaker 1: and truth ever leave you. You mean I have to
39:16
Speaker 1: be kind all the time? Yep, if you call yourself
39:19
Speaker 1: a Christian. Do not let kindness and truth ever leave you.
39:24
Speaker 1: Wear them like a necklace, okay? It's like you never
39:29
Speaker 1: leave it. And write them deep within your heart. Now,
39:35
Speaker 1: of course, the number one thing that humility will change
39:38
Speaker 1: in your life when you are humble and when you
39:40
Speaker 1: are kind and you really want more harmony in your relationships,
39:44
Speaker 1: you know what's gonna change first? The way you talk,
39:48
Speaker 1: the words you use, and how you say it. That's
39:52
Speaker 1: what causes most conflict and arguments is the way you
39:57
Speaker 1: say it and what you say and how you say it.
40:00
Speaker 1: James 3.6, I love this and the message paints a
40:04
Speaker 1: pretty big picture. It says this, a careless or wrongly
40:08
Speaker 1: placed word out of your mouth can destroy. By our speech,
40:15
Speaker 1: we can turn harmony into chaos throw mud on a reputation,
40:21
Speaker 1: send the whole world up in smoke and go up
40:25
Speaker 1: in smoke with it. And that smoke is from the
40:28
Speaker 1: pit of hell. That's pretty clear, James. Ephesians 4.29 says this,
40:37
Speaker 1: do not let any harmful words come out of your mouth,
40:43
Speaker 1: but only what is helpful for building up others according
40:48
Speaker 1: to their that it may benefit those who listen. In
40:52
Speaker 1: other words, I'm not supposed to talk about stuff that
40:55
Speaker 1: I wanna talk about. I'm supposed to talk about stuff
40:58
Speaker 1: that builds you up, meets your needs, and only those
41:01
Speaker 1: things that build up, never anything that tears down. Do
41:07
Speaker 1: you think if we all practiced that verse, we'd have
41:09
Speaker 1: a lot more harmony and a lot fewer explosions? Yeah. Yeah. Okay,
41:16
Speaker 1: so let's review. These are, Do not let versus. I
41:20
Speaker 1: reserve judgment until I know all the facts and the
41:24
Speaker 1: whole story. Will you commit to that? I'm gonna start
41:27
Speaker 1: doing that. I'm gonna not be snap judgment. When I
41:30
Speaker 1: hear something about Pastor Rick or I hear something about
41:34
Speaker 1: my husband or my wife or I hear something about anybody,
41:37
Speaker 1: I'm gonna reserve judgment till I know all the facts
41:40
Speaker 1: and the whole story. That'll spare a lot of conflict
41:43
Speaker 1: and explosion. Second, be sensitive and empathetic what offends others.
41:48
Speaker 1: I don't get to choose what hurts you. And I
41:51
Speaker 1: don't get to demean it and say, well, you shouldn't.
41:53
Speaker 1: I just need the only proper response is to be
41:56
Speaker 1: humble and kind and confess. Third, I limit my freedom
42:03
Speaker 1: out of love. All right. I'm free to do all
42:06
Speaker 1: kinds of stuff. Why do I wear a mask? I
42:10
Speaker 1: limit my freedom out of love. That's why I wear
42:13
Speaker 1: a mask. I could walk around and say, I have
42:16
Speaker 1: the right to not wear a mask. Okay, fine. But
42:18
Speaker 1: right now, wearing a mask helps protect other people. So
42:22
Speaker 1: I limit my freedom out of love. Finally, always be
42:26
Speaker 1: humble and kind. Now, when I say these four things,
42:29
Speaker 1: these do not let commands, do you know what they
42:33
Speaker 1: really are? They're just being Christ-like, treating people the way
42:38
Speaker 1: God treats you. And if you do that, you'll have
42:42
Speaker 1: fewer explosions and more harmony in your marriage, your small group,
42:47
Speaker 1: your work, your church, your friendships, your neighborhood. So let's
42:53
Speaker 1: work on these this week. Let me pray for you. Father,
42:56
Speaker 1: may we take these principles and apply them in our lives.
42:59
Speaker 1: May we not just be hearers of the word, but
43:02
Speaker 1: doers of the word. Help us to review these principles
43:05
Speaker 1: and actually apply them and work on them this week.
43:09
Speaker 1: If you've never opened your life to Christ, Say, Jesus Christ,
43:12
Speaker 1: I need your power and love in my life. I
43:16
Speaker 1: need you to help me change and become the person
43:18
Speaker 1: you want me to be. And so I humbly say
43:21
Speaker 1: yes to you today. Help me to understand it. I
43:25
Speaker 1: want to learn to trust you and love you. I
43:27
Speaker 1: ask you to forgive all the things I've done wrong
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Speaker 1: and make me a new person inside. I pray this
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Speaker 1: humbly in your name. Amen.