Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Richard Marx and Daisy Fuentes Explain Why They Had to Break Up Before Saying I Do

Transcript

Richard Marx and Daisy Fuentes Explain Why They Had to Break Up Before Saying I Do · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Hey, I do part two. It's Richard Marks and Daisy
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Fuentes here jumping in to take over this podcast.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: And we're just like you listeners. You know, we're in
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: our chapter two and we've been through divorce and we really,
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: I think, know how hard that can be. But we
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: also know about not wanting to give up on love.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: So here we are to talk about all that.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: We are here to give advice, to answer questions, talk
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: to experts, talk to other chapter two success couples, maybe
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: down the road. It's going to be nothing but fun.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: So today we thought we would let you all in
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: on a little bit of our journey. And, you know,
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: if you want to know some things, which I understand
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: that some people are interested, we'll take some questions later.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Maybe not answer all those questions.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Definitely not all those questions.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: We have to keep some mystery.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Do we, though?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe not. Well, I guess we should start with how
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: we met.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: That's a good place to start.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Twitter. Twitter.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: DMs?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: People don't believe it. I know. When they say, so
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: how did you guys meet? And we go, Twitter. And
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: they go, what?
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: But do you think they don't, they're shocked and surprised
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: because like we're old and they don't expect us to
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: be like slipping into emails?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, into DMs. Well, I mean, at this stage of.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: The game, honey, it's not like Twitter is like cutting edge.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: No, but okay. But when Twitter.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It was, it was like.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: You know, 12 years ago. It's what the kids were doing.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It's what everybody was doing.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: And I know, you know. Parents weren't really on Twitter. Like,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: older people weren't really on Twitter. It was more of
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: a younger person's game, and especially the sliding into DMs.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: That was not like.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I didn't slide into your DMs until much, much, much,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: much later.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: That's not the point. The point is you did slide.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: That's what Twitter's for, isn't it? Okay, okay. Okay, Richard.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I thought.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: That's what it's for.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I have to say.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Use any means possible. Use whatever is available to you.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: You do what you got to do. Okay. Yeah. Use
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: whatever is available to you. That's exactly right. You're right.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And at that time, I mean, it was... That was
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: 2013-ish when we became aware of each other on... No,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: it was maybe even a year before that. 2012, 2013,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: somewhere in there. I was already aware.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: That Twitter was, I don't want to say useful, but
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: it was nice in terms of connecting with people you
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: wouldn't normally have connected with.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Right. So you're saying you did this with numerous other women?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: No, but I did it with numerous other men. That's weird.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's weird. That's new knowledge to me.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: No, men and women, actually. Yeah, I became like some
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: of my friends now, as you know. It's true.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: It's true.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: It's not just that my wife I met through Twitter,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: but a few of my really good friends now in
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: my life I met through that health site.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't been on it in years. It's gross.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: But back then it was fun. It had its moment.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: It had its moment. And luckily we were both engaged
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: with it. At the same time, or else we wouldn't
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: be sitting here today.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: So here's the thing. We both obviously were aware of
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: each other because.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Well, I.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Was very aware of you for a long time.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: In our younger era, when I was on MTV, I
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: was introducing Richard's videos.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: And so I was aware that he was this totally cute, great,
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: you know, superstar with a mullet that everybody knew and loved. But.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I think you were married very young.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: And so you weren't on my radar on that, in
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: that way.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I was in the cute but married.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but also we both were. I was married very
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: young and you were married very young. So we were
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: both aware of each other, but never actually had a
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: chance to meet.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: No, which is crazy because you met so many artists.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Literally everyone.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: When you were on MTV. And I was interviewed, I think,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: by literally every other BJ except you, which is bizarre. Yeah.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I think the universe, uh, it, it has, there's something
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: about timing for sure.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: I know it's, it's probably timing is probably the last
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: real romantic thing that really exists.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: You're right about that. You're right about that. We've talked
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: about this so many times of, cause it's a double-edged
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: sword with us because we met later in life. I
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: was turning 50. You were 46.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Um, We've talked about it in a negative sense that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: we don't have as much time together just chronologically as
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: we would like. But then we've also thought, well, but
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: if we'd met 20 years earlier or 30 years earlier,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: who knows what would have happened? Maybe it would have
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: just flamed out or it would have been amazing and
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: we would have had an extra 20 or 30 years.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: You never know.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Do you think.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: We would have fizzled out had we met younger or
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: would we... have gotten married if we had met when
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: we were younger? Or do you think like with anything
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: else that would have had an era too? Just because
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: we were young and we're such different people.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I think my instinct, knowing me, I can't really speak
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: for you because you were different back then, as you've
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: told me. My instinct is that we would have dated
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: for three or four years and gotten married. I probably
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: had kids or a kid and we would have made
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: it work. I have this feeling because of the dynamic
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: in our relationship now. Yeah. And because of the way
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I feel about you, I can't imagine anything but that.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: I don't, I actually don't, I could, you know, casually go, Oh,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: we would have just flamed out. Cause we were both
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: driven and we were all over the place and we
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: were young and And we had, you know, our temperament
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: and we were fiery and all that. I think we
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: would have worked it out. I think we would have
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: figured it out. Yeah, I do.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I don't, I'm not so sure. Not because of you,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: but because of me.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Because I was very quick to, you know, when
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: you're young and you're an independent woman and you really,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: you know, you get to the point where you're like,
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I don't need this shit.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, no. You would have dumped me at least once.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: But I would have been so relentless to get back
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: together with you, which is kind of what happened.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Which is kind of what happened anyway.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: But I don't know my instinct. I don't think I've
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: ever said that to you. We've talked about it. We've
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: talked about the maybe this, maybe that. But my gut
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: tells me we would have been together and stayed together.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: That's good to know. I like that, honey.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: So for those listening, here's what happened. Daisy and I
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: both followed. a person in common, a wonderful lady named
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Martha Quinn, who was one of the original MTV VJs
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: back in the 80s. And Martha had interviewed me so
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: many times. We weren't friends. We've never been like friends
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: hanging out, but we always liked each other. And so
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: she was someone that I followed on Twitter and she
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: followed me and we would banter with each other now
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: and then. Well, one of these times we were bantering,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I forget what the thread was or what the context was,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: but it showed up in Daisy's feed because she followed
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Martha Quinn. And so then Daisy chimed in on that
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: thread saying, I think you said, oh my God, you
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: guys are giving me the sweetest 90s flashback or something
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: like that. So now I see that response and I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: hadn't heard about you in a while and same with you,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: with me. So immediately I was like, oh, Daisy Fuentes.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: And I had this like rush of memories of how
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I always viewed you. Which was? Because it wasn't just
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: that you're so gorgeous because you are so extraordinarily beautiful.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you. That's not, you can't dispute it. But I
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: always had a feeling about you back in the day
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: when I would see you on MTV or even on
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: an interview on, you know, when you would be interviewed
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: on other shows or whatever, whenever you would show up
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: in front of me, I thought that there was something
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: about you that was compelling and cool and fun. And
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I remember having this weird thought, like, I think I
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: would like her. Not just, oh my God, she's so hot.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: There was that. But there was something about your personality
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: that came through the screen that made me think, I
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: bet she's a good hang. I bet I would really
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: like hanging out with her.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And that's why I was always pissed off every time
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I would go to MTV and it wasn't you interviewing me.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I try. We talked on the phone 30 something years ago.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. He actually made someone get me on the phone.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: He was under the impression that I was going to
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: do the interview. Then he gets there and he had
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: someone call me.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Which in retrospect was a little out of. line.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, but you were, you were very ballsy when you
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: were younger. I mean, still are, but I was just like, I.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Thought it would be cute to go get her on
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: the phone. And I was like, the only reason I'm
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: here is because I thought you were interviewing me. We
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: had a cute little convo for, yeah.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: And that was it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: And then it cut to what, 25 years later when
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: we actually made contact on Twitter.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: And okay. So you slide into my DMs.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Much later, like a year and change after we became
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: aware of each other on Twitter.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: So we're following each other on Twitter and just kind of.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: She would retweet me once in a while or comment.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like now we're just on each other's radar.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: And I got little butterflies.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: No big deal.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I got a little like, oh my gosh, she retweeted me. No,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: you didn't.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's true.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh my God.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, so then he's going to finally have this show
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: at the Grammy Museum in L.A.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Total flex, by the way. Good flex.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: He invites me to it.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Long story short, I show up with a friend, get
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: to meet him backstage, say a quick hello. I noticed
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: there were a bunch of other cute little Hollywood starlets there,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: so I immediately left. And then, like a month after that.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Well, you're leaving out an important thing.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: What's that?
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: When you came backstage... And we met. Yeah. There was
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: a Getty photographer there. That's right. So there's a photograph.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Of the moment we said hello.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: That we have framed in our house.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And I will say, because this part of the show
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: is really about romance and beyond love, one of the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: most romantic things that's ever happened to me happened to
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: me when you walked through the door, which is that
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: for the first time ever in my life, I got
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: hit with that lightning bolt that you hear about, that
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I've even written songs about that I'd never really truly experienced.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: And I remember that when you walked in the door,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: because I knew you were there, I'd invited you and
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I put you in the front row and I wanted
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: to impress you. But there was like, it wasn't like
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: making a move at all, as you know. It was just- I.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Think it was.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe subconsciously it was.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, let's be honest.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: But when you walked through the door- the feeling that
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I've told people this, but all I knew was that
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: everything was different. I didn't know what was going to happen.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't know whether we were going to become friends,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: whether we were going to become lovers, whether we would
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: ever see each other again. But I just remember that
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: everything shifted in me. There was some awareness that everything
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: up to this point was then, and now there's now.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: That's really beautiful, honey. Although knowing you the way I
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: know you, You say you weren't sure if you were
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: ever going to see me again, but I'm pretty sure
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: knowing you now, you knew exactly what the plan was
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: at that moment.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's true.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to call bullshit.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, she's talking about how I manifest things and
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: how I make things come to life. And I think
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: you're right, baby. I think that there was a, like
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: the way I felt that night, I remember thinking, I
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: have to have her in my life somehow. I have
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to explore this.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I didn't feel that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: So that's how we met. And then some time went by.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I was not divorced yet, but I'd been separated for
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: a while, but it was not public knowledge at all. Yeah.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I remember thinking that I didn't know anything about you.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: That's what I remember thinking, like, oh, what's his deal?
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Well, I was always very private.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, is this guy flirting with me?
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Is he just being a nice guy and inviting people
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: to the show?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Or is he being a douche?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Or is he being a little douchey because, you know,
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: I'm out? I didn't know what was going on because
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I really, really knew nothing about you.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Because nobody knew that I was split.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: And so coincidentally, we had the same publicist. And when
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: I asked her, you know, what she knew about, she's like,
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know anything about him. He's
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: very private. And so that was also really.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Weird in an age. where everybody knew everything about everyone.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: So I obviously kind of just didn't think anything.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I was like, whatever. But that was cool, too, because
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: you could have just assumed the worst.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: And been like, this guy's being a douche.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: No, I was old enough at that point to know.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: But you were like, okay, let me see what this guy,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: let's see if this guy is a douche.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Or if he's like, what's going on with this guy?
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't want to automatically assume that, you know,
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: I was at a point in my life where I
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: think we all, and I didn't believe this when I
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: was younger, but I got to a point where I thought,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: you know, men and women can definitely be friends. Every
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: man that talks to me or asks me out doesn't
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: necessarily want to date me.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Okay. Let's go with that.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: No, I really want to believe that we can reach
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: an age, you know, and especially the older you get
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: as a woman, the more that you realize that it's
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: not how it used to be.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: So I wanted to believe that.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So you think that a heterosexual man, that there are
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: heterosexual men who would want to go out with you,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: but not date you.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: 100%. Really?
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Sure. You think that? Well, I'm... You're doubling down.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: I am a very good conversationalist. I love going out
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: to dinner. I enjoy a martini. I am good for
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: all of those things. We're talking about the mindset of
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: the man.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: You're actually going to double down. You think that there
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: are heterosexual men who would be like asking you to
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: spend time with them, but they're not interested in you romantically.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Just like one of the guys.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Not everybody's attractive to everybody.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Why would that man want to spend time with you
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: if he wasn't interested in you?
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: I just named a few of them because I'm really,
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: I'm fun. I contribute good conversation at dinner. I enjoy
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: a martini. So I think there are many reasons why,
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: you know, I would enjoy having a nice casual friendship
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: with someone and not have a sexual relationship.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: It reminds me of that conversation in When Harry Met Sally.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: What was that? I forgot.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: She's like, no, men and women can be friends. And
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Billy Crystal's like, no, they can't. Yeah. No. Every man
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: who's going to spend time with a woman wants to
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: bang her.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: No, I think that that's a very old-fashioned way of thinking.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I think times have changed. It's a very truthful way
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: of looking at it. I think we have evolved a
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: little bit past that these days. I'd like to think so.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I will grant you that had you been not
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: interested in me that way, or had you been maybe
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: in a relationship or... I would have still pursued some
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: kind of interaction with you, for sure.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I think we would have had a nice time as
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: friends regardless.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I had an instant crush. Okay.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: You have a few women in your life who are
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: longtime friends.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: And you, I think you don't want to sleep with
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: all of them.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Not all of them. Yeah, but it's a different thing.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: The women that I'm friends with, I'm not friends with
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: any single women.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: But it doesn't matter. It's the point that you just said.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Can men and women be friends?
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's a bad example because the women that
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I'm friends with, there was never that dynamic from the beginning.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: It was always either a work thing, like we wrote
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: songs together or something. It wasn't like we met at
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: a party together. And now we're friends.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter how you meet. The point is the point.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: And you just contradicted yourself a little bit.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I love that we're already fighting on this podcast. I
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: What were your first impressions of me? Because you know
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: what my first impressions of you were.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a good question because I thought, my first
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: impression of you when I saw the show, I thought
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you were really funny and witty. And that's always a
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: winning combination for a man who's, you know, attractive and
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: talented on top of that.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Because I could be a total zero.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you had all the things going on. So
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: that was, that was interesting. But, you know, the minute
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: that we meet each other, the, I'm going to cut
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: to our first dinner.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: When we start getting to know each other, just on a,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: on a friend.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: It was epic. Yeah. Our first date was epic.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: And so for me, the resume disappeared at that moment. I,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: it didn't matter who, yeah, what preconceived ideas I had
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: of you or it all disappeared. And it was just
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: me getting to know this guy who, you know, everything
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: that was being presented to me was something that I
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: didn't imagine.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Didn't you feel instantly comfortable?
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: That's rare.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: That is rare. I felt like we knew each other.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And I don't know if it's that we share a
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: lot of nostalgia. You know, we come from the same
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: area in time and pop culture. We come from, we're
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: sure we were in the same rooms at the same time.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: For sure. And we're age appropriate.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, I am a little younger than you.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but not tremendously. Okay. Let me ask you this
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: because I think people would want to know. So I'll
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: preface by saying, as I casually mentioned, I was somewhat
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: newly single. I was separated after a 25-year marriage. I
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: was kind of reeling from it. I was, you know,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I'd never been single in my adult life.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: And were you thinking you were going to be dating
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: again right away? Is that something that you were already
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: kind of?
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Because I think I'm a pretty smart guy. And I
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: knew that it wasn't a case of like, oh, I'm
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: single after all these years. Now I get to run
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: out and date whoever I want. And like, it wasn't that.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I was very sad. I was navigating three mostly grown
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: sons and the fallout from the marriage how it was
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: affecting them, how it was affecting me. I raised my
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: kids in Chicago. So my ex-wife still lives in Chicago.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And so I had a life there that I was
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: sort of cleaning up because I knew that I wanted
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: to move back to LA. So I was living in
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: LA in a hotel room for months figuring out what was,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: what I was going to do.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: But it was not like, you know, party. It was
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: really tricky time. I remember you were, you were going
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: through all of the emotions.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I was not looking to date or like
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: rush into anything. And so the way the, the feeling
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: that I had about you so soon after being single
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: was unexpected.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't, expect to meet someone that I would have
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: this chemistry with so quickly. I really thought I would
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: be single for a while.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: So what was it? Did you remember a moment where
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: you were like, this is serious?
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a moment. It was just that every time
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I would interact with you, whether it was in person
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: or on the phone or even just texting, I found
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: myself wondering where you were picturing you you know what
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: is she wonder what she had for dinner or i
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: wonder how her morning's going or like i was it
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: was instant um and as we'll get into i'm sure
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: at some point i fell madly in love with you
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: before you felt things for me that way.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: Well i think i was also being very cautious because
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: of everything that's going.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: On in your life leading with this i i think
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: i've kind of The audience now kind of knows where
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: my headspace was when we started seeing each other. Where
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: were you at in your life?
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I was in a very good space. I had been
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: single for quite a while. I mean, I'd been in
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: a couple of long-term relationships, but I'd been single. I
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: wasn't married since I was in my 20s.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: And for six years?
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I was married for four and a half years when
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I was 24. And so I'd been single for a
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: long time, although no kids, no kids, although in a
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: couple of relationships and then, you know, dating in between
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: the relationships. And when you met me, I had been
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: single for a couple of years and dating. But I
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: had come to a point in my life where I
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: had created such a great life for myself with my
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: family and my friends and I was working and I
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: just wasn't looking to get into another super long-term relationship
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: or marriage. I was definitely not auditioning husbands. And I
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: thought I was very open to love and relationships, which
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: I think I was, but I was also a bit jaded,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: which I didn't really realize at the moment. So I
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: had huge walls up.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: And I was.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: I was definitely in the mindset that if you were
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: going to come into my life, you were going to
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: add to my life. You had to make my life better. Otherwise,
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: you know, there's a door. So that's where I was at.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: And then add to it the fact that you were
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: coming out of this really long marriage.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: You had three kids. adult sons but still very young.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah um you were going through a lot and I
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: just really didn't not only did I know not know
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: really what that meant for you or for us I
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: didn't want to be that rebound girl I didn't want
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: to be like oh he came out of that marriage
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: and then went right into it with this one and now.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: That that's which is what everybody else around me was
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: saying too yeah My sons were like, wait a minute,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: you're in love already?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: So that was difficult to navigate.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: The fuck?
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you did break down the walls, slowly but surely.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I did not make it easy for you, but you
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: definitely broke down the walls.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't you say that, because I remember a version of
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: you saying this to me way back when, the way
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I pulled the walls down, was by consistently showing up
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: and being consistent.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: You were who you said you were when you did
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: the things that you said you were gonna do. Yeah.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: And so that to me, I think that with anyone.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, with any relationship.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: With any relationship.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: When somebody's authentic.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: When someone's authentic and they are who they say they are,
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: that's important.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: And I also wanna mention that for me, aside from
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: all the other things I've mentioned about you and what
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: was so attractive to me about you, and I know
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: that this is case by case, you know, everybody's into
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: different things. I found myself incredibly attracted to your independence
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: and your, I even was attracted to the aloof part
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: of you because you were both really engaging and fun,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: but also aloof. At the same time, there were levels
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: of that that ultimately I didn't like. But there was
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: something about your strength and independence and the fact that
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: you had carved out this life for yourself as a
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: single person with your family, your sister and your brother-in-law
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: and your nephews. And you just had it. The way
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: you were living your life was so attractive and admirable.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And so it made me that much more attracted to you,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: but it also instilled respect. I really respected the way
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: you lived and who you were and what you represented.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: And I think that's something that is really important in relationships,
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: but especially something that I think you find more in
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: the second relationships is Yes. I think in that first relationship,
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: you're looking for someone to build a life with.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: In that second relationship, you each already have a full
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: life cut out for yourself.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: So you've worked really hard to become who you are.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: I've worked really hard to be who I was and
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: have the things that I had and the lifestyle that
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: you want. And so you're not really looking for anything
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: from each other. You know, so when you do find someone.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Because you're already a complete person.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: And when you find someone that complements that and can
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: flow into that world nicely, I think it's important, but
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: it doesn't always happen.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: I think it's.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Important for the individuals in the relationship to maintain that
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: individuality and that independence. I think it's really important not
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: to lay... that much responsibility on the other person just
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: because now you're a couple and now you have to
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: provide me with everything in my life.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: So that's important. To that point, we haven't talked about
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: this too much, but it's not like a bombshell information.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: We've talked about it before publicly. There was a period
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: a few months into us starting to see each other
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: where I was already so full on. I was in
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: love with you. I was obsessed. I just wanted to
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: be with you.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Which I loved, by the way.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: I secretly loved it. I don't think I was like clingy, codependent.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Well, you weren't creepy.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: It was just really nice to see someone.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: You could tell that I was in. I was all in.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And you were like, I'm not all in yet. And also,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: you're so smart that you thought to yourself, you had
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: no way of knowing at that time if it really
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: was just like, well, this guy, maybe this guy just
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: needs to be with someone. Maybe he doesn't know how
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: to be on his own. And that's not cool. And
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: you forced me into discovering that because you dumped me.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah. I mean, there are nicer words to use.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: And it was the most shattered I think I've ever
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: felt in my life.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, honey.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: That period of.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: I hate when you say that. It kills me when
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: you say that.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: No, but it's a happy ending, obviously, because we're together
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: all these years. But it was... I think the pain
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: of you ending our relationship then is testament to why
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: we're together. Because it made me, I was so miserable.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I was in physical pain. So to me, that was like, oh,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: this is not some flame. This is like, I really
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: am in love with this person. But what happened was,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: was that for several months that we didn't see each
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: other romantically at all. At all.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: We didn't talk for a long time.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: You forced me to be my own person.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Not in a relationship.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: I could see that you definitely needed to figure some
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: things out alone.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: You know, coming out of the relationship that you had
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: just come out of, you needed, I knew the value
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: of that.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: And as much as I missed you, I started to
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: learn about myself in a way that When we did
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: circle back to each other, I was a much more
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: fully formed person.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: You were. You were.
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: And I knew that it was a risk because I
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: was already very much into you. And I I think
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: by that point, I definitely was into a relationship with you,
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: but not in the way that it had formed. I
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: knew that if we continued along that path and something
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: happened down the line, I was going to say to myself, Oh,
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: it's because you were the person right after that marriage
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: is because he never had a chance to, you know, So,
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: and then I would have probably lost you anyway. So I,
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: it was a chance that I had to take in that, yes,
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: I could possibly lose him because he's going to start
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: dating other girls. He's going to maybe love that life.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: He's going to maybe find out something about himself as
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: a single man, you know, much later in life now
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: that he's maybe he likes that better. And he's going
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: to realize he's not as into pursuing this relationship as
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: he thought he was.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: That was a chance that I had to take. I
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: had to know.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: So our journey was not like, it was not a
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: straight line at all, but it was exactly the navigated
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: path that we needed.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Well, I think one thing that needs to be mentioned,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: it's important to mention, is that the reason we got
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: married and didn't just stay together as a couple, not married,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: was no reason.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: No reason at all. There was no agenda.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: There was no agenda.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: So Daisy and I had been together for two years,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: and we were living together, but we weren't living together.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: We both had our own place.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we still had our independent homes, but we had
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: all our stuff in all of the homes.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: So we were always together. We were clearly a couple.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: And we were traveling together, and now the families knew
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: each other.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: My sons at that point knew you. I was spending
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: more time with your family. Mm-hmm. in Miami where we
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: live now, for a while, didn't think about getting married
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: for sure. And I knew, because we used to kind
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: of talk about marriage.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: We used to joke about it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, you know, why do people get married a
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: second time when you don't, you know, you're not building
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: a life together.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: What would you think about contract? Like the last thing
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I want is another contract.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: The last thing you need at this point is another contract. Like,
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: what is the point? We're not going to have kids.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: We're not like, it's not necessary at that stage in life.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Right. So we, it wasn't on our radar.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: And then I was performing in Singapore for, And I had,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: it was a weird thing, an unusual thing where I
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: had a show, a private show in Singapore on a
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Saturday night and then a public show the following Saturday night.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: And I love Singapore, but we didn't want to spend
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: the week in Singapore. So we went to the Maldives
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: for the first time. Because we love to travel together.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: We travel really well together. Yeah.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: That was our first, I think that was one of
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: our first clues.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Because when we traveled, we were like.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Because we started traveling together really early on. Yeah. And
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: we were like, oh, this is easy.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: And we were like, oh, this is easy.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: Like, we do this really well together. Yes. So in
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: that five days, six days in the Maldives, we stayed
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: at this beautiful resort where people go to get married.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: So we witnessed a couple of weddings.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: A lot of weddings. And we talked so much. We
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: talked so much.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: We were like, oh my God, look at them signing
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: up for misery.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: All the cliches. Every cliche. All the jokes. They all,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: we were like, it became a thing.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: So then we come back to Singapore. I do my
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: show and we're flying back to LA the next morning.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: So it's late. I'm still, I'm always wired after a show.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: We're having room service in our beautiful room in Singapore.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: And we're kind of just talking about what a great
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: week it was and the Maldives and And the subject
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: of weddings and marriage came up.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: Because it was like a running joke through the.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: And I think you started it by saying, you know,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I talk a lot of shit about it,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: but I'm not against marriage.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like I didn't want to come off like this
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: marriage-hating person.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to make it clear. I was just joking.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: So I said, well, the truth is, if I didn't
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: know how you feel about marriage, I probably would have
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: already asked you by now.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: And you looked at me- To which I said, are
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: you asking?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: And then I panicked.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Because it sounded like he was asking. I'm just saying, right?
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: But I didn't panic out of like, oh, my God. No,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I have to. I panicked because I thought, oh, my God,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I just ruined this. Now she thinks I want to
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: get married and she doesn't want to get married. I
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: just f * * * ed myself.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: And I totally wasn't even. I was just making a joke.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: But I panicked. I did not think that much into it.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I thought, oh, no.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: I was like having a laugh.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I just ruined this.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: I was totally busting your chops.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Because then I also pictured myself going, hey, no, no, no, no.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get married. Yeah.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: So we kind of laughed it off and benched it. Yeah.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: There was only you, of course, on the plane the
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: next morning.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: The next morning I turned to him and I was like,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: did you ask me to marry you last night?
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, Daisy, you're so hilarious.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I just, I thought maybe you, I don't know, just checking.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: But she said, cause you know, I'm not against marriage.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: And I, Even though I did panic, but then I
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: really thought about that conversation and the way we joked
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: about it on the plane the next day, I realized
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: that there was this window or door.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: That was a little open.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: That was a little open. And then I realized it
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: was on me. And so we flew home and my mom,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: rest her soul, was living in my house at the time.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And you were staying at my house when we got home.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: And I went to my mom to say hi and
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: back from the trip. And I said, hey, Daisy's leaving
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: in a couple hours. And then I need you to
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: run an errand with me. I'm going to go get
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: a ring and propose. And I want you to go
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: with me.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: I thought that was crazy when you told me that.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, you wasted no time.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: First day back. Yeah. And my mom was so excited
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: because she was crazy about you. And we went and
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I got a ring. And the next morning, it was
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: a few days before your birthday in November. And I.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Proposed and you said yes immediately. And that whole story
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: is to circle back. She said to me, do you
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: remember exactly what you said when I asked you to
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: marry me? I said, there's no wrong answer. Right. Because
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: if you'd said, I love you, but I just want
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: to do what we're doing, it would have been fine
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: with me. Totally. Yeah.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: But you said, I said, I didn't think I ever
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: wanted to get married and I don't need To be married,
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: but I want to be married to you.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: And that's, that was it. The fact that we had
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: no agenda other than I just wanted you to be
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: my family. I wanted to, and I also, I think
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: maybe this is a, maybe this is part, many, I
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: have a lot of old school stuff in me.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Which I love about you, by the way.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: There was something about like, make that declaration. Because I really,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I wanted to marry you.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: And who doesn't want that? Like who doesn't want to
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: feel chosen like that? Especially when you both lived a
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: full life and you don't need to go through the
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: big demonstrations of, you know, it felt great. I mean,
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: and I do think that I'm old fashioned in the
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: way that I still want, I still wanted the man.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: To choose me and to choose me over and over
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: and over and really show me. Because I'd been through
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: enough relationships to know that I wasn't going to go
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: out of my way anymore to, you know, jump through
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: hoops for any man. So that was the stage that
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: I was at at that point. And I think that
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: attitude for me really was going to separate the men
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: from the boys. And you were the man who clearly
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: stepped up above all others.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: That's important.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: And interestingly, I would say the biggest change in our
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: relationship after we got married was that you finally, you
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: talked about the walls that I had to bring down,
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: but you, you're still a completely independent, strong, you, you know,
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: you run your own business, you do your own thing.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: But once we were married, there was this whole other
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: side of you that you allowed yourself to show me,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: which was a girl. Like softer.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I'm just a girl standing in front of a guy.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Because she was such a hard ass and she was
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: so tough all the time, which is attractive in its way.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: But I remember saying to her when we were dating,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: like once in a while I would say, why do
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: you have to be so tough all the time? And
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: it was because she had learned it the hard way.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: Like she had, you know, she had to be. Yeah.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: And I think that there came a point when you
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: realized that you could lean into me.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: And that was the moment we got married.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: And go, hey, I need you to do this for me.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize that it was a very.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I need you to be the man and I'll be
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: the girl.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: It was a very subconscious like thing that just automatically
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: happened from the moment we got married.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: Not a minute before.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Literally like the next morning.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: I was like, honey, can you do this for me?
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: And I think that's... This is too heavy for me.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: You figured out my love language early on, which is,
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: you know, I think when you're young, it's, you know,
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: the big shows of like, here's some flowers and the.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I did a lot of that too. You did a
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: lot of that too.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: I still do. But you figured out that like my
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: real love language at that stage and at this stage
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: in life is, it's okay, honey, I've got it handled.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: It's okay, honey, I did it.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Already. And I was like, oh my God, he's got
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: it handled.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: We've been married 10 years, almost 11 years. And you
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: still once in a while.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: Go, oh, I forgot that you just take care of shit. Yes.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: That's hot.
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I love that. All right.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I think that that's enough about us and our journey.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: I know it never is, but I do want to hear.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: Let's hear from the folks out there.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Hi, I've been married a long time. And so this
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: goes to couples who've been together for a while or
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: who are really busy and have lots going on, which
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: I think is a lot of us between kids and work.
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: I find that we have very little bandwidth at the
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: end of the day to talk about things that aren't
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: just logistics and calendars. And did you remember to do
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: this or that? And I know that that's, a bad
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: habit to get into. And I'm wondering if you have
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: any advice of how to get out of it.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: That is such a good, it's, it's such a good question.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Really good question.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: And it happens to everyone.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Typical.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can see how it happens and we
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: don't even have kids that we have to raise, but
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: we have a lot of responsibilities and you have your
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: own schedules. You, you both have full lives and you
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: can really get caught up in it. So I can
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: totally relate to that question.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: My, I know you'll think about it. I immediately have
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: a suggestion.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Make a deal with each other. And it doesn't have
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: to be every day because that's a little bit of
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: a challenge. But at least every other day, you make
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: a deal with each other at some point for 15 minutes,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: whether it's a cocktail or a cup of coffee, somewhere
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: in your house, and you just look at each other
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: and you go, We're not talking about the kids. We're
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: talking about work. How are you? What's going on with you?
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: How are you feeling? Are we okay? What do you
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: need from me? That, if we were, if we needed
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: to do that, and we do that kind of just
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: instinctively anyway. But we don't need to do it. But
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: if we did need to do it, I think that
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: that's what we would do.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: And we have gone through stages where we're both realizing that, okay,
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: for a while now, we've just been annoyed.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Not at each other, at us.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: That goes on that you have to be doing that
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: you don't want to be doing. And then you both
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: just become managers of life and managers of work and
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: you become co-managers and you forget that you are friends,
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: that you are lovers. And that's important to always remember
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: and to go back to. So yes, what you said,
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: like have a moment. I was listening to, I forget
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: who it was, somebody talking about relationships. And they suggested
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: something that we do instinctively, which is we go on walks.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: I swear I was just going to say that next.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: For us, we will just take long walks or long hikes.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Change of scenery.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: And sometimes we will, on that walk, talk a little
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: bit about just dumb shit going on.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: But right away.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: I think being in nature and connecting that way, not
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: having our phones, not having a calendar, not having distractions,
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: we all of a sudden get back into the flow
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: that we naturally are with each other. We will start
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: talking about things that we want to do, more positive things,
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: more fun things. We just lighten up a little bit.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: And I think sometimes it's as simple as that. Doing
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: an activity together for a short period of time where
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: you both just, lighten up or you're setting the scene
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: for you guys to just naturally be a little bit more.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: At ease with each other.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: And you did something a couple of times with me
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: when I was going through the just a lot of
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: dumb responsibility where I was just after, you know, a
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: couple of weeks, I was just like in a bad
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: mood and you were like, what's going on? And I
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: remember saying to you, I'm just so like, I'm just,
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: I just want to have fun. I want to like
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: not work for the house. I want to not work
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: for our assistants. I want to not work to like
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: do stuff for other people. Like I want to start
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: enjoying my life again. And it feels like I haven't
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: done that. And you said to me, okay, let's talk
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: about everything and find out what we can do that
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: would make your life easier.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, ask yourselves, ask each other.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: What's one thing that you can put in place?
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: How could your life be better?
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And that's really important because little by little, one
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: thing turns into two things. And by the time you've
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: rearranged like three or four things, your life is easier
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: and you can feel a little bit of a lighter load.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: And you remember, just remembering that you can, Ask for
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: assistance that you can, there are things that you can eliminate.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: Not everything needs your attention or your immediate attention.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: I also think it's important to ask that question of
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: each other when things aren't so stressful.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: It's almost like preemptive.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Like we've been on a beautiful hike and been in
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: a really nice place in our lives. And I've still said,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: so what would make your life better?
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: It's not out of stress. It's out of like pondering
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: and thinking, oh, well, I do. You know what? Now
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: that you mention it, this thing that we've been dealing with,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I'd love to just get rid of that. You know,
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: I think it's really, it all comes down to communication. Yeah.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: You have to, it's really hard with, if you have
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: young kids. Yeah, it is. But it's doable. Even if
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: it's literally you carve out 15 minutes.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: Because you do have to prioritize in your life.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: And yes, kids are a priority.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: But your kids will benefit from that. Exactly.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: But then the next priority or equally as important is
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: that relationship.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: And you can't put that on the back burner.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Agreed.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I hope that helps a little bit.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: Well, that was really fun.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: It was. Yes.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: That's a wrap on our first podcast here with you guys.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: But if you have any questions or need advice when
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: it comes to dating after divorce or marriage.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: We're your people. We got you. Yeah.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: Send an email or leave us a voicemail. All the
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: info is in the show notes. Follow us on our
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: social media. I'm the Richard Marks on Instagram.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: You sure are. I'm Daisy Fuentes.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: But if you go to her page, it says Daisy
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: Fuentes Marks, which is the one way that she's a Marks.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: And I love it.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I'm a Marks in many ways.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: This is I Do Part Two, an iHeartRadio podcast where
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.