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Why Does Language Matter So Much in Leadership with Becky Kemp · Commander's Intent

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: You have a frozen in the key moment of making a critical decision.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's in business or in life, it can cost you everything.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Commander's Intent will teach and inspire you how to lead with clarity, courage, and purpose.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your host, retired Air Force Colonel, fighter pilot, and your leadership mentor, Derek Oak.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Commander's Intent.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm here with my friend Becky Kemp, and she is a speaker, an author, a leadership consultant, and a podcaster, and a mother of five, am I correct on that?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Five boys.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Five boys.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so she's definitely had to exercise leadership and exercise specific language.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I've I met her a couple of years ago, and we've become fast friends, and I appreciate the message that she shares.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's very important for leaders to understand that their words mean things.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to let her introduce herself a little bit about how she got into what she's doing and why her message is so important and how it matters for leaders as they are making decisions, as they're thinking about their future decisions, and as they're thinking about where do I want to go for myself and for my organization.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: So go ahead, Becky, and just tell us a little bit about what matters to you for that.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Derek.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: So happy to be here.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: And yes, I believe that words matter.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I talk specifically about right now the language of leadership, but how I got into it was about 12 years ago.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: I found myself stuck in some anxiety, depression, and truthfully a lot of negative thinking.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I was waiting for my circumstances to change.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I realized through a series of events that I had a lot more power within me to change my vision, to change the path that I wanted to be on.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I've become a life coach and I teach that individually, but now I've stepped into the leadership role because, like you said, a leader has to be an influential person, but first they have to lead themselves and then they take their vision and lead others.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I am a mom of five boys and I'm a grandma of two.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: And so I spent a lot of my life being a full-time mom, but in the last 10, 12 years, I've gotten into the power of words.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: I've written a book called The Word Effect, Seven Simple Words to Create Your Most Beautiful Life.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: And it's a self-help book of putting on words.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what I like to talk about a lot of times is what words do you put on?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: I owned a positive t-shirt and apparel business called Becoming Threads as I was learning about words.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I could honestly walk into my bedroom, into my closet, and put on words, decide those words that I wanted.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: And so teaching people the power of words and then the how to be intentional with them is really, really important in any form of success, whether it's personal or professional.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna ask you kind of an intro question as I thought about bringing you on the program, and it's what caused me to say, yes, you need to be on the program, and I think you have a lot to offer.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Why does language matter so much for leaders in how they use it, in what they say and when they say it?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I love what you just said.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: You've said this before about, you know, putting on words in the morning.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've always thought that was very a creative way of thinking about because that's a mindset.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: It has nothing to do with clothing.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's a mindset of what am I gonna do when we walk up to do it.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, most of us think more about maybe what we're gonna wear today than the way we talk to ourselves and the words we put on.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: But the interesting thing is our brain is just a big processor and it focuses, and there's a lot of research behind this, but it focuses on what we tell it to.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so if we focus on the negative, the negative grows.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: So why a leader needs to have good leadership with language is a leader has to have the vision and to be influential to influence the people that he's leading or she's leading.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what you think about, this is kind of what I'll say sometimes, but what you think about, you bring about.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's that simple.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: Anything that gets created has to first be a thought, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: So any leader has to first have a vision of something being created.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: And then there's the implementation process.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: And as you know, nothing ever goes as planned.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: There's always going to be problems.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: And if you learn how to lead your language, you can always be looking for solutions instead of looking at the obstacles.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: Because our brain will do either.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: It will look at the problem or the solution.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: We get to choose because you know, we're humans.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: We actually get to decide the words we focus on.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: So, first off, people have to become aware of their words, and then it takes practice to put those words to work.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: You said something there that kind of piqued a thought in my mind about solving problems or focusing on the problems versus focusing on where we want to go.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I think often we go through life solving problem after problem after problem, and we don't get where we want to go because we're not focusing.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: We haven't sat down first to say, who do I want to be and where do I want to go and what do I want to accomplish?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And as a leader, where do I want my team to go?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want my team to look like?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: What is my vision for my team?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have to think through that and then put it to words, kind of craft what that looks like, and then communicate that.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Often we get together as a team, we want to make a lot of money or we want to do something, but then we focus on just the mundane, we focus on the obstacles because there are always gonna be obstacles in our way.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: There are always gonna be things that make life harder.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, as a mother of five boys, I guarantee you that you have dealt on a daily basis when they were younger, problem after problem after problem, misdirection, and things that tried to knock you off your game.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, I got to solve that, but that's not why I'm here.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's not why we're here.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, two things that come to mind.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: One, we hear about having a vision board or having a vision.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: You have to have someplace that you're headed because you have to keep yourself focused there when all the obstacles come, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Because there is going to be obstacles.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: That is just the life experience.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: I've never met anyone that could say life has gone exactly as planned.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: So having the vision board, whether it's written down or words or whatever, having your team, if you're your leader, making sure everybody's on board with the vision so that is our focus whenever we're making a decision, even though things get off and on.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: So it's becoming intentional.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: So when I talk about the power of words, what I love about them is one, everybody has access to words.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: Two, they're free.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I guess the other thing would be it's as simple as just putting a reminder on your mirror or a reminder in your office with whatever that saying or thing that you need at the time to remind you.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: So let me give you an example.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: I was talking with a mentor recently, and I was about finances.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: And it was kind of like my husband's self-employed, I'm self-employed, I do work for a company and do some outreach there.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_03: But a lot of times being self-employed, your finances, you don't have all the control of.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of exterior things that you just have to go with the flow.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I was kind of talking and focused on not saving as much as I want to be saving right now because this breaks and that happens.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was kind of commiserating, right?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like as if I could say it and she's gonna say, Well, guess what?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: For the next six months, everything you want to save will be saved, you know.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, right?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's nothing you can do about it.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: So I was kind of focused on that.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: And she said the simplest thing.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: She said, Well, Becky, what's your 1%?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: What's your 1% that you can do?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: And you know what I did is I got a little post-it note and I wrote, do 1%.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: I've put it in my office.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's reminding me every day, oh, do your 1%.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: What's my 1% today?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, it's putting that money away.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's doing that, you know, it's little, right?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: But little things lead to big things, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why our words matter so much, is because you could just take a small phrase like do your 1%, and you could apply that in every aspect of your life.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: And so right now, those are some words that I'm focused on.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I bet you have a saying or a mantra that you focus on or have had different ones throughout your life.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: We all do.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: So it's just becoming intentional to them and talking about them and moving that forward that way.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I often talk to myself.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: My wife makes fun of me sometimes because what I'm doing is I'm verbalizing what do I want?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Where am I going?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm saying out loud to myself or I'm saying it under my breath.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I'm practicing for practicing my lines for when I have to talk to somebody else.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes it's thinking through what am I doing with my time and where am I going personally, and saying that out loud so that I can crystallize those ideas.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because if I don't do that, it does not go well.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: If we've rehearsed something, if we've gone through it in our mind, if we've created it, I'll say this, if we've created it spiritually first, the physical, tangible creation goes so much better instead of just kind of winging it and saying, Well, I'll see how this works out.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thinking through it, and sometimes we don't always have a choice, but we always do have a choice of thinking through the big things and thinking through that big vision, you know, that of where we want to go.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we both are friends with Ty Bennett, a very successful speaker, and we've done some training with him.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: And one time he taught me, and this really helped, I was in a speaker or a storytelling contest through the National Speakers Association here in Utah.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: And there was 10 of us, and we had five minutes to tell a story.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: And you had to have a beginning, a middle, and you couldn't go over the time.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there was a lot to practice and get in there in that five minutes.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: And as you know, when you're on stage, your mind can draw a blank, you know, even though you've practiced it and practice it.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I remember Ty telling me, and this really helped, he said, practice as if something happens.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: So when you do make the mistake, or you forget the line or you forget what you're doing, go all the way through.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like go all the way through that five minutes.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: Don't stop.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Because so often as humans, what we do is when we make a mistake, we stop and we start from the beginning again, right?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: That really served me well, but it's really applicable in any sort of experience because you need to talk through it, you need to work through it, because there's gonna be something that comes, a curveball here, something there.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: But you're like, okay, this is how I'm gonna handle moving forward.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm gonna keep my cool.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna lose my temper.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be curious to be open-minded, whatever that is.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: But that really helped me.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I did at the speaker storytelling contest, I noticed that some people they had memorized their things.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: And when they got stuck, they didn't know how to move forward.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't say it exactly word for word, but I had practiced.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: So putting the power of words to work in any way definitely is a practice thing and seeing it through when obstacles come.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna kind of piggyback on that, but take it in a little bit of a different direction.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thinking through things beforehand, often we get stuck because there are two emotions that I think or thought processes that are really destructive.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And they make us worse decision makers and they make us reach out for things or not reach out for things that we should be reaching out for.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Number one is self-doubt, and you kind of mentioned that earlier.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the other one is anger.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And when we let those emotions drive who we are and drive what we're shooting for, I don't think we speak as clearly.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think we act as clearly, we don't make decisions clearly because we're focused on really hurtful and negative things.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And generally, our anger doesn't hurt anybody else.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: It hurts us, it hurts the team around us because we negatively affect them.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: But it really hurts us.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And most of the time, when we get really angry, it has to do with somebody that we can't control.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they may not even know that we're angry with them.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: They may not even know why we're angry with them, but we let those feelings build up and they cause us to do stupid things.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: So kind of comment on that.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And how you translate how you get out of that, and then how you use positive language to get you out of that and then move in the direction that you really want to move in.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, I like to start out with my keynote sometimes saying a simple saying that we're all familiar with sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt me.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: And everybody in the audience has heard this, but the truth is words do hurt us.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: They have an effect.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: That's why my book and my podcast are about the word effect.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_03: There is an effect, it can be positive or negative.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: So as a coach, and as I became a life coach, what I found was our thoughts drive our feelings, and our feelings then drive the actions that we take, and our actions then create our results.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: So think about it.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: If you're feeling angry, it's over a thought.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: You're not happy with how something happened, you're not happy with how somebody did it, whatever that might be.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: That makes you angry.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Well, how do you show up when you're anger?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: When you're angry.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm angry, I'm normally short with people.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_03: I can be standoffish, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's how I show up.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so the result is if I'm showing up that way to my team, how are they gonna show up?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm standoffish and judgmental of them, it's gonna affect them, right?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_03: But it's because of how I'm feeling over the situation.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: So if it's the same situation, and then instead of getting angry, maybe we go, okay, I'm feeling some anger, but I'm gonna switch this to curiosity and try to go, okay, this didn't work how I thought it was gonna work.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be curious, you know, as we go through this.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: When you show up curious, you're much more teachable, you're much more open-minded, you're willing to collaborate more, right?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: So our feelings actually determine the actions we take.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: And those actions are what create our results.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: So, in some ways, when you break it down, it's like, okay, well, yes, I always want to feel happy and joyous and free, that would be great, but real life doesn't always allow that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_03: We do have ups and downs.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: I've had people ask me, so do you just think happy thoughts and positive thoughts all the day and everything goes well?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, no, that's not the thing.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: I still feel all the emotions, but becoming more aware to your emotions and then deciding how long you want to stay there.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: And if you want to switch that emotion, you have the power.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I might be angry.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: I need to go into my office and cool down.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: But then when I go talk with my team, I'm gonna show up not with anger, but with curiosity, something like that.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you said something that I think is really important, that I still have those emotions.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: When we're wronged, I don't care how bulletproof you think you are, you're gonna feel it.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: When somebody hurts you, when somebody does something unkind to you, or you know, as a parent, you know, and every parent experiences this where their kid gets bullied or gets treated poorly by a teacher, even, or just on a sports field, it happens to every single parent.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so we all feel that we get very defensive of our kids, we're very protective of our kid, and the justice side of us comes out and we come out swinging.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that is very, very destructive.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you think, why was justified?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: My anger is justified, my sense of justice is justified, and yet too often we go and do something, we make a decision, and we go and do something that is anything but justified and is anything but helpful.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: And we're not always gonna fix that person who is unjust to our kid or unjust to us.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: We're not always gonna make them change their ways and go, oh, you're right.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: I really was an idiot, I really was unkind.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the time, or a lot of time, they'll say, so what?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Deal with it.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's who I am, that's how I act.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And we still have to deal with it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we're stuck with them not caring about our emotions, them not caring about what we are.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we have to make that decision, just like you talked about.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: We are gonna have those emotions.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: What do I do with those emotions?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: And how do I control it?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: How do I use words to help me control those emotions and help me channel those emotions properly?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Not to ignore it because hurt doesn't go away necessarily, but how to do something positive with it.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, I like to say and train and teach this way, but we can't always control our first thought, but we do have control of our second and third thought.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: So my first thought might be anger and create a feeling of frustration, let's say.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: But then what do I want to do about it?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: And that is find some reminders of like, okay, as a leader, when I'm feeling frustrated, what do I do?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: I maybe need to pull back, I regroup, recenter.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I need to go on a walk.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I need to not touch my team for 24 hours.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like it might be different for each person, but you first have to become aware to that.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: And then you start practicing that.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then you'll learn to show up to life differently.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: Cause sometimes it's like that knee-jerk reaction, right?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like when something doesn't go right, the knee-jerk reaction is normally fear-driven, frustration driven, anger-driven, generally, and probably in any aspect of our life, if you think about it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_03: But how do you shift that?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's like taking the pause.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: So learning how to pause and kind of think about, okay, what words am I going to put on or what am I going to think about instead of just reacting.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: So it just again makes us as human beings be able to make better decisions and become intentional with our words instead of just acting like our words are driving us.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: We are actually in the driver's seat.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: And so a lot of it is just gaining an awareness and then the practice behind it.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that is what separates us from animals.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: I think so too.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: The ability to go, okay, this emotion came.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: I feel it.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I feel it really strongly.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: What am I going to do with it?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have to internally and then externally verbalize what does that look like and how am I going to react to it?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: Separates us as a human.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: We have the prefrontal cortex.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: We can make decisions.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: We can decide if I'm going to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt, right?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Other mammals don't have the decision ability.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: So we can decide where we focus in any situation.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: Again, your first reaction might be the frustration or the anger, but you don't have to stay there.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: You can pause, feel it, and then get back into it.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you a quick story, Derek.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: This just happened in my family.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: This is kind of outing my husband, but it outs me too.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: So my husband's an excellent driver.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: He's an excellent person.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like this would not really be what he does, but he went and picked up a boat that we have, an older boat that had to get fixed.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: He was coming home late at night.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: And as he was swinging in to turn and just park the boat, he didn't want to back it up and unhook it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: He clipped the side of my son's car, like scraped the side of it.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now he comes home, it's about 10 o'clock, and he tells me.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: And my first thought is, how could you be so, you know, whatever?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's the frustrating thing.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's like the anger, and oh my heck, we're gonna have to get it fixed and it's gonna cost a couple thousand dollars.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like it goes that fast.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: But then I pause for just a second and I think, okay, number one, how would I want him to treat me if I was the one that did that?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know what?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: I've done stuff like that before, maybe not the exact same way, but I've run into something or broken something that I didn't mean to.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: And it helped me pause and then it helped me like rethink how I wanted to show up in this situation instead of from anger, was like, you know, he's not perfect.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: He makes mistakes like the rest of us.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't have to berate him because of the mistake, right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Now, truthfully, there was a few moments that I wanted to, I'll be honest, because that's the common reaction, like, oh, this is a hassle and all those things.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: But it's been a really good learning experience for me all week because he already knows that he made a mistake.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't need me to like lay it on him, right?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: But that's what I think learning to pause with our words and like we might feel something in the beginning, but like, do we want to react all the way through that?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Or is there a better way?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: Again, I can't emphasize this enough.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: It does take practice.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so these kinds of things, this is what I love doing podcasts and talking about it, is it just brings people to an awareness so that then they can start being curious and then practice it.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's a lifelong practice.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know that you ever get to a place because life continues to unfold differently.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: Neither of us know what's going to happen in the next 24 hours that we might have to adjust to, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: That just is life.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, that's our little story.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good start.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: A little bit of an aside, I'll out myself, if you will.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: In 35 years, I've had three accidents.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they're all the exact same thing.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: Me backing up my car at night, not using the back.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: All three cars had backup cameras, but I don't use a backup camera unless I'm hooking a trailer or something like that, because it's not part of my habit patterns.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I dinged three different cars.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Not a big ding, but enough to get me to want to swear at myself and get really angry because I did something so stupid.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's okay, how do I not let my anger at myself, those emotions that are there, not control me, but instead, you know, tone it down and do something right.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you're flying, that's one of the big things.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, there are a lot of stories of people crashing airplanes because they make a mistake and they f so fixate on that one mistake that they do make a bigger mistake.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you drop a bomb and you miss the target.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Target.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really easy to get really angry at yourself that you made that mistake.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: So you're letting that emotion just see through you and just flow through you instead of going, okay, Derek, shut up and focus on what's next.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And focus on what I have to do.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Don't let that one mistake or that one bad event take me off my game.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because something else can happen.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, something else worse can happen.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And too often in just a regular daily interaction, something worse does happen over and over, whether it's road rage or just how we respond shortly to a family member or a coworker, because we let that emotion stew and come out in a way that needs to not.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: If I was coaching you after you had dropped a bomb, I would say, okay, and you're angry, I'd say, Well, what are you thinking about that's making you angry?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: And what would you say?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'd say I made a mistake.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: I made a mistake like that.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: So then that's driving you feel angry.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you're feeling angry, what kind of actions are you going to take?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to think through things as well, for one, and because a large portion of my brain is stuck on stupid, is stuck on that previous action.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm not fully in the present.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not in the moment thinking about what is right in front of me.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: So you're ruminating on the past.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: The anger's making you not be present and fixating on the problem instead of the solution at hand is to fire again or whatever it is, right?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: So the result is it takes you off course.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Where, yes, there might be a moment where you're frustrated that it didn't go as planned.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know that we would be humans if we didn't feel that way.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Like we all work for goals and we're driven to be successful as human beings.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: But part of the human experience is failure, right?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: And part of it is learning how to cope with it.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: And if you stay stuck on the problem and the negativity, that grows.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: Instead, you have to go, and you know, I was really impressed with how my husband handled this.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: He's very good at that.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: He was frustrated when he came home and he's like, I cannot believe I did it.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I realized he didn't need me to make it worse for him.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: He's already making himself feel bad enough, you know, like, oh, I can't believe I did this.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna tell my son it's gonna cost me this money, whatever.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: He did enough for himself, but then a couple days later, I said to him, I'm so impressed with how you handle this.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: And he goes, It doesn't do me any good to stay fixated on the negative, you know?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: And it's really true.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, because as sometimes we can just keep dragging that up over and over again instead of allowing ourselves to, like you said, I just made a mistake, you know, it is what it is, and giving ourselves a little bit of grace.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Talking about words and how those emotions that are there, how we can actually change our countenance and change our actions by using the right words.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think of my wife when our kids were little, and we were telling, I was sharing this story earlier, that my wife had the love chairs, and my kids hated.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: This was when they're five, six, seven, eight.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: They'd get into a fight and she'd make them sit in the love chairs where they were sitting across from each other, their little feet dangling, and their knees are touching.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so here they are, they just had a fight, and she's making them sit across from each other with her knees touching, and they couldn't get down until they said, I'm sorry, I love you, and they had to give each other a hug.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that became the worst punishment that they, you know, that was like the most intolerable punishment for them because they knew that in order to get those words out, in order to use language of love, and in order to use words that are affirmative in good feelings towards somebody else, and also of humility, you have to somewhat feel that first.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to bring your heart to a point and your mind to a point where you feel that.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, little kids, six, seven, eight-year-olds, they can do some dumb things when they get into a fight and break things and hurt each other.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: And every family, my family had their share of that.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: You get them in the chair, and all of a sudden, the the emotion that's there, because one of them was hurt or both of them were hurt.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: You have to the words help them tamp that emotion or categorize that emotion, put it in the right funnel, and then change it so that it can be positive before they can actually get those words out and then give each other a hug at the end.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's very difficult to do.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I've experienced something similar, but I know that like when you've got your kids like that, all of a sudden it's like they're like, Oh, I'm not gonna do this.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: And then like they crack a smile and then they start laughing, and then they realize maybe how silly it was.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever caused that fight in the first place is generally a misunderstanding or something, right?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: And isn't that how life is for all of us?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oftentimes we get frustrated or angry and there's misunderstandings, or we just saw it just a little bit differently.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I love that they had to look at each other in the eye and kind of sit there until they could change how they were feeling, and then they could genuinely start to say, yeah, because they do love their sibling and they want to get along and they don't want this to ruin their relationship at six or seven years old, right?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: They didn't even know what was happening half the time, but there's a lot of truth to yes, making sure that what you say matters.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: So taking the time to become intentional to words.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I mentioned that I talk about how what words are you putting on, and you said, you know, you thought about that.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_03: Most of us don't think about the words we're putting on in any situation.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: We're much more reactive and then we start putting the words to use and just becoming a little more intentional to how you want to show up in this situation and choosing, which as humans we have the ability to do to choose how we show up is a practice.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_03: So, for example, I go to this meeting sometimes and it is the biggest waste of time, I think, in my mind.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: It's not worth I feel like the meeting's five times too long.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: We don't get anything done, we could get everything done in 45 minutes, and it's a five-hour meeting, let's just say, right?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I noticed that every time I had the meeting scheduled, I would get really irritable and angry and frustrated.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because in my mind, I'm thinking, this is a waste of my time.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: We could do this faster, I would do it differently.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm like projecting all these things out there.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, funny enough, one day I realized okay, the meeting's not gonna change, but I can change.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so now when I go to the meetings, I just go to them going, it's gonna take five hours and I'm just gonna make the best of it and I'm gonna go with the flow and I'm gonna be curious as to what we're doing.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_03: It hasn't made the meetings go away, but I sure am a lot happier because it's something I still have to do, right?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's that perspective that we have the power to put out there.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_03: But it took me, you know, a couple times of like being miserable at the meeting to realize wait a minute, I don't want to let that five hours make me miserable.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't need to.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: I can shift, and that's where we shift our thinking, how we feel, and I'm much happier when I leave the meeting.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a victory.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I yeah in my first book I wrote a chapter and I can't even remember what the chapter is about.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: I should know that.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: But and the title of the chapter is Embrace the Suck.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that is not that I go out and look for bad activities, or I look for bad experiences, but they're gonna find me.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Five-hour meetings are gonna be on my schedule sometime this week, and I just have to deal with that.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's my mindset, and how do I verbalize that?
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Often I use sarcasm or you know, just kind of lightheartedness to deal with situations that I don't really want to be in or I don't really want to participate in.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that helps me.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't my wife approaches it totally different.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, sometimes she thinks I'm complaining.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, that's not complaining.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I diffuse what I'm feeling inside about where I'm having to sit right now or what I'm having to do right now.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a complaint, it's just a and maybe I got that too.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: You're probably like me because we're both speakers, but we're verbal processors, right?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_03: And so for you and I, I sometimes need to verbally process things where it sounds like your wife and even my husband is they're not much of I mean, they don't need to process everything out loud.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes uh yeah, but we do need to become just a little more intentional to our words because again, I love that embrace the suck.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, the truth is there's going to be that in any aspect of life.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: So, but the word embrace is like, okay, I can get behind it instead of fight it.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's like it is part of it, you know?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: So it makes life a little easier.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: There's a big difference between endure the suck and embrace the suck because we're all gonna endure, hopefully, but we can embrace it by saying, okay, I'm here.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: What am I gonna get out of this positively?
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: How am I gonna do it?
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that starts with my thoughts, my emotions, and then ultimately the words that come out of my mouth.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: One of the things I train on and speak on is the how shift.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_03: And again, there's going to be obstacles, but if we let our brain focus on why is this happening, our brain just will continue to show us problem after problem.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_03: It will just gravitate towards the problem and the critical eye of anything.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_03: So what if we start saying when a problem happens, how do I step forward?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: How do I take that next step?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: You do that with your team.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, we thought this was gonna work instead of why is this happening?
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, how do we pivot?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_03: How do we do it?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: When we say how to ourselves or with others, it makes our brain start looking for solutions.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: And again, our brain does what we tell it to do.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: And so it will start looking for solutions.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: It might not find it immediately, but you become open-minded.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: You become willing to take other people's ideas, you become willing to say, I thought this was a good idea and it didn't work.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: It gives you some humility, right?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: Anytime I get stuck in anything, I always get back to, okay, how do I change?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_03: And the only thing I can change is my focus and my words.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of times I can't change the circumstance.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: I can't change that, but I can change how I step forward.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: And when I am in charge of my mind, it tends to move me forward.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't have to just sit in the suck.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I when you talk about words and how much they matter and how they can really change your mindset.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: When I was 18 years old, I joined the military.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the military, I mean, I would say our society in general, we've got a lot of foul mouths, and it's just the way it is.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not to criticize anybody or say that they're terrible people, but even a lot of good people have some really foul mouths.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: And getting into the military, some of the best people I know could string together a series of words that were not really productive and not really respectful of a lot of different things.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: But when I turned 18, I went into the military and I said, you know what?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know what made me do it.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I'm not gonna swear anymore.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so for my almost 30 years in the military, I had that as a commitment that I'm not gonna swear.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I wasn't perfect at it.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: But just making that decision, I was amazed at how often that changed an environment.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: How many people said to me or made comments to me because I didn't swear, and I didn't realize I didn't swear.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: I got to the point where it wasn't something I really thought about.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't because people around me stopped swearing, although some wouldn't have apologized for swearing.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: That really wasn't normal.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, in a fighter squadron, you know, in just the course of discussion, you could hear some pretty creative profanities, and I just didn't even think about it.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: It just became part of the noise around me.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I was amazed at how it changed my mindset over the time and how it changed my mindset of what those words mean and how I wasn't going to use them.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it was a small thing.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't try and pat myself on the back because I did that or because it made me better than anybody else, because there are a lot of people who use really foul language that were way better people than me.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, it made a difference and it changed, and it made me really think about how much do words matter?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then why do they matter?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: And how does it change my behavior?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: How does it change my thoughts?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: And how does it change my demeanor?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, really the whole nine yards.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was surprised at how much over the times I look back on it, how much it changed who I was as a person.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and you made a choice.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: There was a time you made a choice, I'm not gonna talk that way.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_03: And then you intentionally put that on until it became a habit.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_03: And it wasn't something that you fought every day, like maybe someone else, you know, because sometimes to break a habit, if you're a negative thinker, and then I kind of mentioned at the beginning, you know, 12 years ago I found myself stuck in negativity and depression, some anxiety.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_03: I had kind of nurtured those thinkings things, and they grew to where I, that's how my days would go.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: They were just negative and depressed and full of anxiety.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then it was actually through the power of prayer, and this is a little bit more on the spiritual side, but God impressed upon my heart the idea that if you change your words, you can change your story.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_03: And so that was the start of me learning how to change the way I focused on words.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_03: So mine was not so much swearing, but it was I made the choice to start focusing on the good.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: And the more I focus on the good, guess what?
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_03: I see more good.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: And it's much easier for me today than it was 12 years ago, right?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that goes perfectly with being a leader because so often our leadership is influential and leading, right?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like people are watching you of how you handle situations, and that's how they're gonna show up around you too.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: And so becoming intentional to your words, what a great story.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate your story because it makes me think of things that I've dwelt on that have stuck with me until I made an affirmative desire to change.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I think of, you know, books that I read that helped me or hurt me, and movies that I've watched that have helped me or hurt me in terms of how I viewed the world and what came out of my mouth and what emotion it's filled me with.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I really think if I want to end on a thought and I want your opinions on it, is that when words come out of our mouths, it's because we've been formulating, we've been taking all those emotions and we've taken where we want to go, maybe, or where our emotions are taking us, and we've had to categorize and put them together in such a way that's coherent so that when the words come out of our mouth, that's the direction we're going.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be either really positive or it can be really negative.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're able to put together positive and words that are taking us where we want to go, it's because we've already been there emotionally.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: We've already been there in our mind, we've already visualized what that looks like so that when the words come out, they are positive or they are negative words.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted your thoughts on that.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I think it just goes back to practicing, right?
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_03: To get good at anything, you first have to become aware and then you practice it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_03: So you have to become aware of like, oh, I'm reacting this way and I don't like that, or oh, I keep ruminating on this or whatever.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_03: And then you have to consciously make a choice to do something different.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_03: The thing is, you have to make that choice.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like I can say it till I'm blue in the face that words matter to you, but until you decide to become aware of it, you would have to have that same experience.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_03: But through our conversation, I can tell that you know that they matter because you're sharing stories because you're going, oh yeah, I had this experience and I had that.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what I love about communicating is that we help each other.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_03: And the words of one another do help.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_03: They influence either for good.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why it's called the word effect, my book and my podcast, because there is an effect.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_03: You can't get away from the effect of words.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's are you gonna choose the positive or the negative, or where are you gonna focus and for how on?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_03: And you have the power to shift that.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: I believe words are a compass, they guide us in our life.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_03: And so becoming a little more aware of to your words, learning to pause and really how am I feeling in this situation?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_03: How do I want to feel in this situation?
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_03: Just taking that like breath to pause or breath goes a long way.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, because if not, we kind of can be reactive and maybe regret it later on.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, thanks.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like in pilot terms, I'll put it in pilot terms.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm flying east.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: In order to fly east, I have to have thought through number one, I want to go east.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, why do I want to go east?
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have to turn the aircraft.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have to put inputs into the aircraft, into the flight controls to get it to maneuver to point the nose east.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: And when I finally roll out on 090, which is east, those are the words coming out of my mouth.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the effects of everything that went into my mind to actually get me to fly east, to get me to go to the direction that I want to go.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I love that.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_03: And it's back to that what you think about, you bring about.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_03: You had to think about it first.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_03: You had to make those small little decisions, and then you're flying east, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_03: And that's how you did.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_03: You can't just say, okay, I'm gonna fly east and then just disregard and not do anything.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like change and leadership does take action, as you know, right?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_03: It takes, you have to be intentional with it.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so just bringing people back to an awareness of their words, everything that we create at first was a thought.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_03: It was a thought that leads to the creation.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_03: You writing your book was first a bunch of thoughts that then you've put together out in a book.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: Same with me when I wrote mine.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_03: They've started with thoughts and then we put it on paper, right?
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's how things are created.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so we have to really become aware of how powerful our words are because it creates exactly what our life becomes.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much, Becky, for joining us today.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for your words of wisdom.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_01: You can send me an invoice, I guess, for the coaching that you gave me on the show here.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_03: This was great.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I appreciate it.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: For everybody who is here with us today, I hope you enjoyed the show.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: I got a lot out of it, and I appreciate Becky's comments and the way she approaches words and the away and the difference that it makes in the decisions that we make, because the final decision is the culmination of everything that's been going on in our brain before and up to that point.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: And getting those in the right order so that we can actually make the right decision is what's going to help us to make better decisions.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you have any questions, if you want to talk to Becky, you can reach out to me and go to asterisknow.com and I will point you to Becky or what's your website, Becky?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my website is just becoming with Becky.com.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I just have relaunched my podcast called The Word Effect, so go check it out.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, I would love to hear from you, but words really do matter.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I think you're right, the culmination of little things determine the decisions we take for sure.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: Subscribe, follow, like, and please comment if you have any comments.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: Something you don't like, something you do like, please comment.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: It helps the show, but it also gives me feedback on how we're doing here.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: And join us next time for Commander's Intent so we can all become better decision makers for better results.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today's episode of Commander's Intent Podcast.
• 41:44
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• 41:50
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• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: So head on over to Commanders Inten Podcast.com and pick up a free copy of Derek's Leadership Guide and join us on the next episode.