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EP 94 Reclaiming Purpose After Hardship - Angie, Jackie, & Debbie · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:00
  And I remember hearing those words, and I just thought, no matter how inadequate I feel, no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve to step into this place, Jesus Christ sees me where I am, and He believes in me, and He believes in you.
• 0:39
  Welcome to iRefresh. I'm Debbie Barker, and I am the joy of being one of the friends of iRefresh. And so I have a great couple of two friends that are going to join us today. And we're just going to open up our hearts and share with you some things that God's really placed on the inside of us. So I want you to meet my friends. This is Jackie, and this is Angie. I can give you first and last names, and we'll probably say that before it's all over. But have the joy of having both of them.
• 1:08
  in my life and I am grateful for that. So, girls, welcome. Thank you, Kira. You're so excited. I heard you're a friend of ours and mentor, so this is a dream for both of us, really. You've actually talked about this previously, so.
• 1:23
  Well, I'm excited. So I just really wanted us to open up our hearts today. And for those that are listening or even watching, just to hear what makes the difference of your life versus so many other young women. And and because of my age now and position, I see many times young women that are in your age bracket really struggling with who they are.
• 1:53
  But so first, let's start off with tell me when or how old you were when you accepted Christ. And then we can kind of get to present day, because I do think that makes a difference. So, Jackie, you can go first. Yeah. So I accepted Christ as a child. I grew up in a very strong Christian household with my parents who were very strong in the faith.
• 2:13
  So that was just a part of my childhood. It was very much part of the norm. So being in church, having a relationship with Christ, that was really just from the get-go for me at a young age. Good, good. How about you, Ant? For me, my story's a little different. Both my parents were traveling ministers growing up. I got saved at the age of eight watching Gospel Bill.
• 2:36
  Actually, I remember I was eight. That's awesome. I prayed for only like 20 times to make sure I was saved because I was like, I don't know if that was saved. So I kept repeating the prayer over and over and over. Yay, gospel prayer. I hope one of those stuck. I'm sure. But then sometime after my parents divorced when I was 15, and that's kind of where I took about a year where I told God I actually wanted my space.
• 2:58
  And I said, I'm just hurt. I was upset. I let my friends, their parents divorced. They completely went away from God and partied. And I was heavily considering it. My brother was involved in a gang at the age of 18. And I was heavily considering just writing off church and Christianity at that point. And then I remember when I was 16, I had nightmares over and over just of the divorce and the turmoil that went with that and told God to prove himself to me.
• 3:25
  to really prove that you love me, that you care about me, not just the wonderful services I saw growing up, but an impact me directly. And he showed up in an amazing way and won my heart. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, it's obvious that Christ is in you, and we can see him so evidently. So as we fast forward to where we are today, what are some of the keys that keep you having this vibrant relationship?
• 3:52
  You know, from my perspective, it's real easy to...
• 3:56
  look past the years. And I will say for my own heart's desire, I've always wanted to know, you see people start out great, but I want to end great. It's not how you start, it's how you end. So I've always said, Lord, keep that fire afresh in me. And that in the position as a minister, as a traveling evangelist, as a pastor, so many times I'll see that people have this fire, but they lose it. And what I love in the,
• 4:22
  these younger ages, talk to me about what's the word you stand on? What are the things, what are the keys that help you keep a vibrant relationship with Christ today? And you can start first, Jackie.
• 4:35
  Yeah, so, you know, I will say even though I had a great childhood and a great foundation in faith, there was a number of my young adult years where I kind of took a detour and wanted to do my own thing. So I was very caught up in wanting to control my own life in and out of toxic, bad relationships. And it was a lot of me just trying to navigate life the way I wanted to.
• 5:00
  So I didn't really involve God in a lot of decisions that I made. And so I also found myself where a lot of young women are finding themselves at our age where they don't know what to do. They don't know where to go. They're in some toxic patterns and not sure how to really break out of those. So for me personally, I had gotten to a point where I actually found myself in a divorce.
• 5:23
  And I had told myself this would never happen to me because my parents, it does not run in my family. And nobody really runs to the altar and says, this is going to be the best seven years of my life. And then we'll see how it goes. People don't say that. So to have that kind of failure on my track record, that was a lot for me to handle.
• 5:43
  I think with women today, we get caught up in the comparison trap. And social media makes it so easy to do that. Yes, it does. Because we see everybody's highlight reel, and yet we're examining our own failures and flaws. So for me personally, after the divorce...
• 5:59
  I just had an honest conversation with God and said, I have really made a mess of things, but I am going to give you the opportunity now to direct my life. And Psalms 37, the Passion Translation, marks it so well. You give God the right to direct your life. And as you trust him along the way, you find that he pulls it off perfectly.
• 6:20
  So it was trusting him and then also taking a deeper dive into my relationship with him, just finding who I am in him. The epistles in the Bible are great for that because we find out who we are in Christ through him, the provisions that we have, and how we can operate as a believer. So for me, that became a critical point in just my relationship, becoming vibrant again with the Lord and knowing him more personally and more.
• 6:46
  is, how does he see me? And let me find out what his word says. How does he see me? That's great. You know, it is this personal relationship. And I hope for you that are out there hearing, he isn't just somewhere out there. When you invite Christ into your heart, his spirit comes and dwells on the inside of you. And I know sometimes you may not have had the greatest relationship with your authority figures, whether it's your parents or whoever raised you, maybe even grandparents. Yeah.
• 7:14
  But God wants to reveal himself to you. And so I hope you're hearing these ladies' hearts of, I open myself up. It is a choice. And then when his spirit comes in, he will then give you a hunger and a desire. I still pray, Lord, keep me hungry and keep me thirsty for your word, for your spirit, and reveal this. You know, sometimes you mentioned the Passion Translation. There are a lot of translations out there that can really help you understand what his word is.
• 7:42
  So what about you, Angie? What were the keys for you of keeping this relationship alive in the day that we live in? Well, for me, I think as women, we really want our hearts to be won over. And that happened to me in such a real way when I told God to prove himself to me.
• 7:57
  And I struggled with low self-esteem since I was 10. I wouldn't go anywhere without makeup. And I just really had a low opinion of myself because my mom did. And I remember when I told the Lord to prove himself to me and the healing and the peace that came in my room and the nightmares stopped and the depression lifted. I felt peace for the first time. And once I experienced that, I didn't want that to go. And I knew that when I did things in my own way, I never had it.
• 8:22
  when I cut him out of my life for a brief season. And I was tired of living up and down on a roller coaster. Every curveball that life would throw, I had to deal with it on my own. And I knew I wasn't getting through it. And so when Jesus came in and touched my heart in such a powerful way, I wanted to know that Jesus. Not someone that I felt like I had to impress all the time and win over, but someone who was fighting for me when I had my back turned.
• 8:45
  I didn't understand that. I remember when I was in my room crying, I said, why did you come back for me? I told you to get out. I didn't understand that kind of love at all. Guys didn't treat me that way. I didn't have a good relationship with my parents at the time. And I didn't understand someone fighting for me when I didn't want them. And I remember those words ringing in my ear that he said to me. He said, you don't understand.
• 9:05
  I live at your worst and I'm always going to fight for you no matter what you do. And those words just broke every hurt and pain that I had. And that scripture that I really found myself on was Colossians 2.10. I'm complete in him, not in and of myself. Yes, yes. Complete in him, lacking nothing, missing nothing. And to me, my heart had been won over and I wanted that love. So from there, I gained that peace. The depression stopped. And I knew that if I wanted to stay free, I had to keep him in my life.
• 9:32
  Because there were seasons where we get busy, life gets stressful, and then I kind of would go on my own again because I'm very independent. I'm sure others can relate. Do my own thing. I don't need any help. And I remember that depression would try to come back again. And I was like, God, would just stir my heart again. You need me. I can help you. And I would come right back going, okay, I give you my cares, my concerns. I give this back to you. And then that peace would return right back. And I knew I was going to contend for that and fight for that. And if I was, I had to keep my heart open to him, not close him out.
• 10:01
  He became a priority over that experience. That's really key because I know that there are some of you out there that are hearing, she's talking about depression, about a low self-esteem. And I love what you said. He revealed to you that he loved you at your worst. And so if you're out there and you're feeling like, well, that's me. I'm really depressed right now or I'm questioning God's love. Yeah.
• 10:26
  again, reiterate, what would you tell them out there to say? Because I really feel like there's somebody out there that's really dealing with depression. And we want you to hear you're not alone. And we're standing with you and God's word that he is going to deliver. He's going to heal and he's going to restore you. And so, Angie, if you would just encourage them. Uh,
• 10:49
  Because the important part you said is when I started to go back on trying to do it my own way, these things would come back. But you've learned to stay connected, vitally connected to the vines made a big difference. Well, I would say this. The enemy is always after your heart just as much as God is. And that was one thing I didn't realize. Just as much as I wanted peace, the devil wanted to steal it. It talks about in John 10, the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He's aggressive and he's patient.
• 11:16
  And that was one of the main things I think sometimes we forget, that he's patient to wait to destroy your life. He'll wait 20 years if he can have a setup and a trap that you'll fall into. He will keep waiting. And I remember God just really stirring my heart saying, you have to fight to protect your peace. It's not something that you can be passive and sit back in. It's something that you have to be very aggressive, really on the offense, to protect that peace. And I knew that that started with my thought life. Right.
• 11:41
  I had to really take inventory of what am I thinking on? What am I allowing that's stealing my peace? Is it something I'm listening on TV? Is it the music I'm listening to? Is it people, maybe wrong influences that I'm allowing in my life that are coming to suffocate and steal?
• 11:55
  and take away from. And I know that God was really slowing my heart to pour into, it's like a bank. You're making withdrawals and you're making deposits. And if I'm always withdrawing out of that source and I'm not putting in by reading the word, then I'm gonna be depleted. I'm gonna feel like I'm drained and then I don't have the strength. Because you do feel helpless. I struggled with depression often on for years.
• 12:17
  And I always went to God, why did I have such a hard time? He said, because you weren't consistent. You didn't stay with it to keep the word a priority. So when you slacked off, the depression increased. When you stayed on it, it would lessen to where it would disappear. And I realized if I want to keep my peace, I have to daily put in what it takes to keep it. And that's his word, which is my weapon to fight against that.
• 12:37
  And take authority over those thoughts. So what I'm doing is saying, enemy, you have no place here. I demand you to leave. It's like a bully trying to steal something that doesn't belong to them. You get real combative. Specialments or purse or something that you're like, you're not touching this. This isn't yours. Who do you think you are? And I would say, you don't take my peace. You're not taking my joy. This doesn't belong to you. You're trespassing. You have to leave. And I'm keeping my peace because God says it belongs to me.
• 13:02
  That's awesome. That's awesome. So I hope you're hearing our relationship with Christ isn't just this one-sided thing, but I take responsibility for the part that I have in keeping this relationship vibrant. Every day, whether it's a marriage relationship or friendship, you are either contributing or contaminating your relationships. Mm-hmm.
• 13:24
  So it's every day, what am I doing to move forward in my relationship with Christ? What am I doing? Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to make this word alive. Proverbs 4 says it's life and it's health to every part of our flesh. But it's not going to be life and health if it sits over there on the coffee table. It's not going to be life and health if I never open it up and indulge it. Whether you do it on your phone or whether you read it out of the actual paper,
• 13:51
  version, it still is alive and it's going to work in your life. So I wanted to ask you, Jackie, because you mentioned about walking through a divorce. I know that can be really, really challenging because you feel like nobody, like you said, nobody goes into this thinking or praying that it happened. What were some of the keys for you to walk past that to not let your purpose stop,
• 14:22
  Well, a major thing, Debbie, was honestly realizing that I still had a purpose. I think sometimes we get caught up in those failures and we get hung up on past mistakes that it's so easy for us to then disqualify our own selves from our purpose. And so realizing that God didn't disqualify me, that he still sees me as worthy and loved, and he still has big plans for me.
• 14:48
  That was major for me. And it is. It's like what you and Angie were talking about, staying in this Word, finding out what God's Word says about your situation, finding out what He thinks about you. So when I started really just filling myself back up with that, I started realizing, no, I am complete in Him. I'm still chosen. I still have a purpose. Ephesians 1 talks about that very, before the very foundation of the world, before it was even formed, He chose us to be in Him.
• 15:15
  So I really took that to heart, knowing that he already saw every mistake I would make, he already knows every flaw I would have, and he still chose me to be in him. So for me it was, one, realizing that my purpose, I'm not disqualified from it. And your purpose does not have an expiration date. If you've made mistakes, you're not disqualified from it. God still has great plans for you. So it's just realizing that,
• 15:41
  What the enemy tries to do, he tries to get in your head, and he tries to steal those purposes. He tries to steal that destiny by getting you to believe the lie that you're disqualified. So for me, it was realizing that I'm not. That's key, because I think there are many people that—
• 15:59
  look at some life experience and said, okay, well, I guess it's over. But the giftings and the callings of God, the word says are without repentance, meaning they're not going to go away. And again, he knows the choices you've made. Thank you, Jesus, for the blood that when we repent and we can bring it to him, he truly forgives us. But he doesn't just forgive us. And now we're in, he says, okay, I'm resetting the table. I'm
• 16:24
  Get back in. There's more for us to do. And truly, I believe we're living in those most exciting times. So I want to ask this because it's one of the things that I see many times that young people think.
• 16:37
  First, they've got to hear a revelation that God has a divine plan specifically for me. And then when you get that revelation, it's like, okay, so how do I find that plan? Or what is that plan? Or I want to do this and that. Can I just ask God to bless this? So how was it for you guys that you recognize what the God plan was for your life?
• 16:58
  And I realize, and I want you to hear that, that doesn't mean that it's just specific, oh, every day of your life has been written out. But I can say, even knowing when I recognized I had a call of God in my life, it's looked a lot of different ways. But I really want those that are in maybe in a younger audience that are watching or listening today to go, okay, how did Jackie and Angie do it? So go ahead, Angie. Well, I think for me, God really put in my heart to encourage women when I was 11, because
• 17:25
  And I was, my best friend would always reach out to the girls that were just struggling with low self-esteem like we did. And that was the desire I really thought was myself. But one thing I realized that it was God, not just me, is it doesn't go away. Something that continues to come up in your heart and it's a strong desire. And it's not something that you conjured up or you made up. It's just something that keeps surfacing over and over. And as that continues to grow, it's like a relationship. You spend time with God, you get to know more about him. It doesn't happen in a one-time setting. I wish it would. Yeah.
• 17:55
  But it takes time and a commitment. And the more you spend time, the more you recognize his voice, his promptings, and really his leadings.
• 18:03
  And I think over time I began to put to practice that little nugget of reaching women, encouraging them on their value. And then from there it began to grow and build. And then modeling started to come up and I was like, absolutely not. That one I didn't want because I already struggled with those self-esteem and I thought that's the last place I'm going into. But he put in my heart, I want you to help the woman there. And it always tied back to that original just insight and direction. And then it grew into reaching people in ministry.
• 18:31
  and just going to church and encouraging the young generation. And that all started from when I was 11, helping young women. And it was just a small desire that continued to build and grow. And I think so many times we want the whole picture at once, and God doesn't do that. He shows in peace and in part. Because if he showed you the whole picture, you'd probably be scared.
• 18:48
  Yeah. Spitless. And he wants to grow from there. For me, because I felt so inadequate, there's a quote that really brought a lot of strength to me. And Lois Taucher actually said this, and it was, the strength of God's plan is greater than the weaknesses of the people who are part of it.
• 19:04
  And I remember hearing those words, and I just thought, no matter how inadequate I feel, no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve to step into this place, Jesus Christ sees me where I am, and he believes in me, and he believes in you. And he wants to take your weaknesses. He wants to take maybe your past and use it as a platform and a testimony to encourage others that they don't just stay where they are, but they can grow and go beyond that place. And so that was so healing for me.
• 19:31
  That's great. That's great. How about for you, Jackie?
• 19:35
  You know, I will say for me, it's just like what Angie said. It's learning to be led by the Spirit of God. And it's a lot easier when you know His voice. And so everything is connected. We have to have a relationship with Him and make time to spend time in His Word. That's His covenant. That's His love letter to us. So we get to know and recognize His voice the closer that we are in communion with Him.
• 20:05
  his word and which are not, which are the enemy, or which are just me wanting to make stuff up. So it really minimizes the distractions, you're able to discern from it more. If it's positive, it's God. If it's negative, it's probably not for you. Yeah, yeah. So it's easier to tell the more you spend time in here.
• 20:23
  But it is learning to be led by the Spirit of God. I think so oftentimes, I mean, we see a lot of stuff in the Old Testament when they didn't have the Spirit of God living in them. And there was a lot of extravagant moves of the Lord. So I think a lot of us nowadays, we're hoping that the Lord just writes our plan in big letters in the sky.
• 20:43
  He just flies by an airplane. And it's not to say God can't ever move in an extravagant way, but more often than not, he's going to move with a still, small voice, and that's the voice of our spirit. And our spirit being connected to him, we are the ones that are in communion with him. Our spirit recognizes his voice, and then our spirit reveals that to us.
• 21:08
  That's so good. You know, the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. When we when Christ comes into our lives and we ask him to be our Savior and our Lord, the word says that the spirit that raised Christ Jesus from the dead comes to dwell in us. We actually become the temple of the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit, he's known for a lot of things, but he is the perfect counselor. Right.
• 21:29
  He is the spirit of truth. He will lead you into all truth. That's more than just bringing you into that salvation experience. But it's now he's going to guide you, counsel you, be your advocate, be your standby, be your strengthener throughout the rest of your life. But it's still your choice to yield to him.
• 21:49
  And he sounds just like the word. He sounds just like the word. And that's what the ladies are so reiterating is this word is alive and it brings transformation in me. And when I allow the word to work in me.
• 22:06
  wash me, strengthen me, change me, then I hear his voice easier. And as both of you were talking, I just felt to encourage someone out there, you've questioned whether you hear God. It's one of the things that I think the enemy tries to work with so many people.
• 22:24
  Do I hear him? And like they said, he sounds like his word. He always confirms his will with peace. If you don't have peace in your heart, don't do it. Okay. Don't follow that direction. But he's always going to sound like his word. That's why it's so important that we stay in the word.
• 22:43
  And so we want to encourage you today that you just keep that relationship alive. I think you can see by us talking, we're trying to really kind of hold ourselves back because when we get together, it's just all three of us can get going all at the same time. And we really feed off of each other in excitement. But just as we get excited to go, oh, there you are. So does God. Every time you open his word, he's like, there she is.
• 23:10
  And she's opening the word and she's reading what I have for her today. And now my angels can go forth and manifest it in her life. Or my spirit is going to speak something just personal for you today. But I have to take that time to get together and to do that.
• 23:26
  So I know a lot of times people can struggle in a lot of things in life. And as we're drawing our time together today to a close, what would be one key nugget that if you were going to look out there and speak to one of the beautiful ladies that is listening, whether she's your age or more my age, Angie, what would be a nugget of truth that you would say, I want to leave this with you today? Well, there's one thing that the Lord has really won my heart over and that he's gracious. Right.
• 23:54
  When I'm so hard on myself, and I've been that way because I'm a perfectionist, if I do one thing wrong, it seems to disqualify all the good things I've done.
• 24:01
  And I know that God has won my heart when he would continue to say, I've forgiven you. I need you to forgive yourself. And that was something that was really tough for me at first. But then he would challenge me on times where I wouldn't forgive myself, where I messed up, where I overrode something I knew the Lord told me not to do, and I did it anyway. We all have our moments. But he would say, you don't have the right to not forgive yourself. If I forgive you, what gives you the right to not forgive yourself for what you've done?
• 24:26
  And I remember thinking because he was so kind and he was always forgiving of the things that I've done, that drew me to want to spend more time with him, knowing that I could come to his feet. Even if I messed up 10 minutes ago, he was there to love on me and to receive me in like I never messed up. And that was so healing for me. And it made me want to get to know him all the more and bring that relationship closer. So I would say give yourself grace.
• 24:49
  You're going to make mistakes. It's okay. But run back to him. Don't let the very one who forgives you that you run away from him because you think that maybe he won't receive you. It's not true. That's the enemy. The enemy would always lie and say, well, now you've really messed up. The enemy doesn't want you back. You know, God doesn't want you back. He doesn't want to receive you. You definitely can't fulfill that call now because you did this over here.
• 25:09
  And I love how God's going, ignore that. I still want you. I'm still fighting for you. Let's do this together. Let's move on. I have a life for you. Yes. Amen. Absolutely. Jackie, what would you want to tell them and encourage them today? Well, I love what Angie talked about here with grace, because I feel like once we get a full revelation of what grace is, that is the unmerited favor that God has given us. We can.
• 25:35
  couldn't do anything to earn it. We can't do anything to disqualify ourselves from it. God wants to do good things for you. And he's always working behind the scenes for you. Knowing that, my encouragement would be then to activate your faith and expect that God is working on your behalf.
• 25:53
  He has a lot of great plans for you. And Ephesians 3.20 is one of my favorite scriptures because it says he is able to do exceedingly abundantly, more than we could ever ask or even think. So he knows our thoughts and he is working behind the scenes to meet all of our needs, all of our desires, the dreams that he's placed in your heart. He is wanting to fulfill those in your life. So just stay expectant that your best days are still very much ahead of you.
• 26:18
  That's good. That's good. Thank you, girls, for joining me today. And I hope that you've really heard the heart of the Father, and that is that he loves you, and that he has a great plan for your life.
• 26:33
  And so I just pray for you today, no matter where you're at, that you are going to hear the voice of God in a clear way, and you're going to experience his love, and you're going to be encouraged to run that God race that he's called you to. And no matter how difficult the situation may be that you're in, know that the God you serve is greater, and his work is going to be fulfilled in you. So we pray God's richest blessings upon you, and thank you for joining us today at I Refresh.