Latest / DISGRACELAND / Lou Reed (An Origin Story) Pt. 2

Transcript

Lou Reed (An Origin Story) Pt. 2 · DISGRACELAND

0:00
Speaker 1: Disgraceland is a production of double Elvis Lou Reed his
0:21
Speaker 1: band The Velvet Underground. The wide cast of Larger than
0:24
Speaker 1: Life slash lowlife New York City characters that he wrote
0:28
Speaker 1: about are so compelling that two episodes were needed to
0:31
Speaker 1: properly tell this tall tale. If you're just getting hip
0:35
Speaker 1: to this now, I suggest you hip pause and go
0:37
Speaker 1: back to the previous episode or Disgraceland, part one of
0:41
Speaker 1: the Lou Reed origin story, where we discuss the criminality
0:45
Speaker 1: depicted in the Velvet Underground songs, the Gift Waiting for
0:48
Speaker 1: my Man heroin in the Murder Mystery. Lou's story continues
0:53
Speaker 1: in this episode through the VU songs rock and Roll,
0:56
Speaker 1: Sweet Jane, Run, Run Run, Venus and Furs and I'll
1:00
Speaker 1: Be Your Mirror all great music, unlike that music I
1:05
Speaker 1: played for you at the top of the show. That
1:08
Speaker 1: wasn't great music. That was a preset loop for my
1:11
Speaker 1: melotron called Sweet and Sour Dreams MK. Two. I played
1:17
Speaker 1: you that loop because I can't afford the rights to
1:19
Speaker 1: make it with you by bread And why would I
1:23
Speaker 1: play you that specific slice of limp wristed stoker cheese?
1:27
Speaker 1: Could I afford it? Because that was the number one
1:31
Speaker 1: song in America on August twenty third, nineteen seventy, and
1:36
Speaker 1: that was the day Lou Reed played his last show
1:38
Speaker 1: with the Velvet Underground, bringing to an end the origin
1:42
Speaker 1: story of one of the most compelling and coolest figures
1:45
Speaker 1: in rock and real history. On this episode, Amphetamine Addiction,
1:51
Speaker 1: lone shark, assassins, switchblade types, chains, whips, mirrored lips, and
1:57
Speaker 1: Lou Reed goes home. I'm Jake Brennan and this is disgrace.
2:04
Speaker 1: Had the twenty six dollars in my hand made no sense?
2:37
Speaker 1: Neither did Stephanie's murder made about as much sense as
2:40
Speaker 1: stuffing Waldo Jeffers in a box and mailing him halfway
2:42
Speaker 1: across the country to his death. Maybe lou wasn't as
2:46
Speaker 1: innocent as I thought. That whole thing made less sense
2:49
Speaker 1: with every passing minute. My headache. Though that made sense.
2:55
Speaker 1: It screamed for speed. I had an idea. The little
2:59
Speaker 1: blonde down the from my apartment. She kept herself high
3:02
Speaker 1: all the time. She'd have something to help me get
3:04
Speaker 1: my head right. I booked it down Saint Mark's toward Ludlow,
3:10
Speaker 1: and the morning sun was already mid afternoon, hot and
3:13
Speaker 1: it pierced to my skull. I stopped at a spraying
3:16
Speaker 1: fire hydrant and rinsed Stephanie's blood off my face and hands.
3:20
Speaker 1: I must have made a sight, because I scared off
3:22
Speaker 1: every last little neighborhood runt cooling under the spray of
3:24
Speaker 1: the hydrant. I moved with quickness to my apartment building.
3:28
Speaker 1: I turned onto Ludlow, and there he was, exiting a luncheonette,
3:32
Speaker 1: opening a fresh pack of luckies. I always liked to
3:35
Speaker 1: see Big Bill, even if it meant confronting the reality
3:38
Speaker 1: of my unpayable debt to him, but not this morning.
3:42
Speaker 1: Big Bill held a certain type of power over me,
3:44
Speaker 1: but again, not this morning. I came up on him
3:48
Speaker 1: fast on the sidewalk. He was surprised to see me
3:50
Speaker 1: up in about so early, I could tell, and before
3:53
Speaker 1: he could put his version of the squeeze on me,
3:55
Speaker 1: before he could lean into the fact that his daughter
3:57
Speaker 1: was about to be sent up the river for a
3:59
Speaker 1: horrific crime, before he could check in on my progress,
4:01
Speaker 1: and I could put him off with vague generalizations about
4:04
Speaker 1: the state of my investigation, you know, give him enough
4:07
Speaker 1: to feel confident, but not so much that he could
4:09
Speaker 1: jeopardize my progress. Before I could do any of that,
4:12
Speaker 1: I simply threw up my hands as I raised by him,
4:14
Speaker 1: and gave him a quick not this morning, Bill, not
4:17
Speaker 1: this fucking morning. Big Bill just stood there, dumbfounded. I'm
4:22
Speaker 1: not sure what he made of his morning after that,
4:24
Speaker 1: because I never got a chance to ask him. Fifty
4:27
Speaker 1: eight Ludlow one block away there on the stute, another friend,
4:32
Speaker 1: Dough beardless Harry. All debts were apparently coming due this morning,
4:37
Speaker 1: but just like Big Bill Bronson, beardless Harry would have
4:40
Speaker 1: to wait. My headache had other plans. Harry leaned tough
4:44
Speaker 1: against the iron railing on the steps of my apartment stoop,
4:47
Speaker 1: and before he could stutter out another threat, before he
4:50
Speaker 1: ever laid eyes on me, I walked him with a
4:52
Speaker 1: right packed with the entirety of the morning's momentum I'd
4:55
Speaker 1: been carrying since Saint Mark's. Harry never saw it coming,
4:58
Speaker 1: and he went down at a heat. Sorry, Harry. I
5:02
Speaker 1: bounded up the front steps, keyed the lock on the
5:04
Speaker 1: front door, took to the walk up. I could hear
5:07
Speaker 1: the rock and roll music coming from her apartment grow
5:09
Speaker 1: louder and louder with every step. What was her name?
5:12
Speaker 1: Janie Jenny, whatever it was she'd beholding, and she'd set
5:16
Speaker 1: me straight. I followed the blare of the music up
5:19
Speaker 1: the steps to her apartment door, ran down the corridor
5:22
Speaker 1: to my apartment, stripped off my blood stained clothes, replaced
5:25
Speaker 1: them with new slacks, a new wrinkled shirt from the
5:27
Speaker 1: bottom of a dirty clothes pile, and a black blazer
5:30
Speaker 1: identical to the blood stained one I just discarded. I
5:34
Speaker 1: took a two second tenement shower and get the blood
5:36
Speaker 1: off my face in my hands, and then I marched
5:39
Speaker 1: out of my apartment with a purpose, toward the apartment
5:41
Speaker 1: door with the blaring music behind it at the end
5:44
Speaker 1: of my hall. I banged on it loudly. She swung
5:47
Speaker 1: the door open instantly, like she was expecting me. She
5:50
Speaker 1: stood there in nothing but a T shirt and panties.
5:53
Speaker 1: Her hair was more sandy brown than the blonde I remembered.
5:56
Speaker 1: Her countless freckles made her more West Coast than New York,
5:59
Speaker 1: New York. She was petite fit. For a hot second,
6:03
Speaker 1: my one track mind was distracted by her beauty. Then
6:07
Speaker 1: she opened her mouth. She screamed non sequitor nonsense over
6:11
Speaker 1: the blaring radios, rock and roll station when I was
6:14
Speaker 1: just five years old. There was nothing happening at all.
6:18
Speaker 1: I screamed back, my name is Ace. I lived down
6:22
Speaker 1: the hall. May I come in. She turned and danced
6:27
Speaker 1: her way back into her apartment, leaving the door open,
6:29
Speaker 1: with me in the doorway behind her. I followed shut
6:33
Speaker 1: the door. The music was that ear drum shattering volume,
6:37
Speaker 1: more hypno junkie jungle rhythm with her moving in time. Though,
6:40
Speaker 1: I began to think that a guy could get used
6:42
Speaker 1: to this. I know you, she yelled at me while
6:45
Speaker 1: she danced. You're my neighbor who reminds me of my daddy.
6:50
Speaker 1: I yelled back, I'm sure he's very proud. I meant
6:54
Speaker 1: it as a compliment, but it sounded smartass. She couldn't
6:58
Speaker 1: hear me over the radio, but pretended to and smiled
7:00
Speaker 1: and nodded, and then she.
7:01
Speaker 2: Yelled, he's got two Cadillac cars. I volleyed back with
7:07
Speaker 2: you must be very proud. That was intentionally cute. I
7:12
Speaker 2: was getting bored and amusing myself as a defense mechanism
7:14
Speaker 2: against my jones. Again, she pretended to hear me and smiled.
7:19
Speaker 2: She danced toward me and offered me the lit reefer.
7:21
Speaker 1: In her hand. I made a habit of never touching
7:24
Speaker 1: this stuff, but something told me to take it. I did.
7:27
Speaker 1: I inhaled, and then I exhaled, and the smoke mixed
7:30
Speaker 1: with the music in the air, and it was all right.
7:34
Speaker 1: I passed the reefer back. She hid it instep. She
7:37
Speaker 1: passed it back. I did the same. She took it again.
7:41
Speaker 1: Then she took my hands and pulled me into motion
7:43
Speaker 1: on her dirty monoleum floor. I dropped my head, closed
7:47
Speaker 1: my eyes and moved with her to the beat. It
7:50
Speaker 1: was as if there was an invisible wire connecting us.
7:52
Speaker 1: We danced fast, We danced hard. I could feel her heat.
7:56
Speaker 1: I began to sweat. I opened my eyes and kept
7:59
Speaker 1: them pitched the floor. Her bare feet moved effortlessly that
8:03
Speaker 1: they were black with filth. It charged me and we
8:07
Speaker 1: moved some more, dancing, and the reefer even me out,
8:10
Speaker 1: But that Jones brought a twitch to my cheek. I
8:13
Speaker 1: moved some more. We both did, shaking to the fine,
8:16
Speaker 1: fine music that New York radio station went from doper
8:21
Speaker 1: boogie to torch song. She couldn't believe what she heard
8:24
Speaker 1: at all. She pulled me close. We two stepped slow
8:28
Speaker 1: as one. Her cheek on my chest. Jenny, she said,
8:33
Speaker 1: I know, I said, Ace. She misheard me. A what
8:38
Speaker 1: why are you here? I need something, I said. She
8:43
Speaker 1: took her head off my chest and looked up at me.
8:45
Speaker 1: What's that? She asked you? I said. She kissed me
8:51
Speaker 1: full on the lips and took me to bed. It
9:17
Speaker 1: must have been days later when I woke up, truly
9:20
Speaker 1: woke up. Jenny took me to bed that morning. A
9:23
Speaker 1: woman like that happens to you once in a lifetime,
9:26
Speaker 1: if you're lucky. At first, sex, then speed. We finished
9:31
Speaker 1: the little she had. It was enough to kill the jones,
9:34
Speaker 1: but not enough to keep us high. We rode out
9:37
Speaker 1: the withdrawals together on more sex and black coffee for
9:40
Speaker 1: days on end. Without the two, I wouldn't have had
9:43
Speaker 1: the strength their patience to overcome the need for more speed. Now,
9:48
Speaker 1: lying in her apartment with a clear head, that seemed
9:51
Speaker 1: to be all I had strength and patience and luck.
9:55
Speaker 1: I guess I know what you're saying. How does a
9:58
Speaker 1: lump like me go from being broken one moment between
10:01
Speaker 1: the sheets for the top giving sexy twenty something the next.
10:05
Speaker 1: I don't have an answer for your pluto. All I
10:07
Speaker 1: know is. It happened, and it happened just in time.
10:11
Speaker 1: With a clear head came a drive for answers and
10:13
Speaker 1: an itch to get back out on the street and
10:15
Speaker 1: get things sorted. Stephanie was dead. Why what was with
10:19
Speaker 1: the twenty six dollars? And who would have killed her?
10:22
Speaker 1: Where the fuck was the loo? And what if anything
10:24
Speaker 1: did he have to do with her death or with
10:27
Speaker 1: Waldo Jeffers's stupid stunt. Yeah, I was beginning to believe
10:30
Speaker 1: my own bullshit. I knew now that Lou had the means,
10:34
Speaker 1: but I still had no connection. And even though I didn't,
10:37
Speaker 1: I didn't care. Lou was dirtier than I thought. He
10:40
Speaker 1: was into some dark shit rough trade. I needed him
10:43
Speaker 1: because Big Bill needed a pincushion for Marsha's murder rap,
10:46
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel one bit bad about it. It
10:49
Speaker 1: wasn't about the favor I owed Bill. It wasn't about
10:51
Speaker 1: the money I needed to earn back to pay Nunzio,
10:54
Speaker 1: which I couldn't begin to do until I sorted Big
10:56
Speaker 1: Bill out. In clarity, I was beginning to see the
11:00
Speaker 1: It was about what was right. Lou was wrong, all wrong.
11:05
Speaker 1: He was on a one way bus to Rikers, either
11:08
Speaker 1: for this or for some other lowdown, subterranean activity. He
11:10
Speaker 1: clearly took pleasure in our paths happened to cross, and
11:14
Speaker 1: that was his problem. What did I care? I had
11:17
Speaker 1: my own like where to find the little long Island Pissan.
11:22
Speaker 1: That night would be my last with Jenny. We both
11:24
Speaker 1: knew it. Maybe that's why we came clean. I told
11:28
Speaker 1: her the safe version of my Sinchon experience. I had
11:31
Speaker 1: a fire in my m one in Korea. Whoo fucking who.
11:34
Speaker 1: I couldn't go deeper. It wouldn't do any of us
11:36
Speaker 1: any good. She knew I was lying by omission, but
11:40
Speaker 1: that I was also sharing more than I had with
11:42
Speaker 1: anyone in years. It was my version of honesty, the
11:45
Speaker 1: best I could do. She knew it, and so she
11:47
Speaker 1: pushed her chips into the middle of the table too,
11:49
Speaker 1: and told me her real name wasn't Jenny, it was Jane,
11:53
Speaker 1: and that she was married to a man named Jack
11:56
Speaker 1: and Jane she is a clerk. They separated six months ago,
12:00
Speaker 1: but now Jane was ready to go back out on
12:02
Speaker 1: the island. This Manhattan regression was her last chance at
12:06
Speaker 1: a life she could call her own. She thought she'd
12:09
Speaker 1: find it with the protest kids, perhaps with the poets
12:12
Speaker 1: who studied rules of Verse, some kind of bohemian blush.
12:16
Speaker 1: She didn't. The evil mothers told her life was just
12:19
Speaker 1: to die. The children were the only ones who blushed,
12:22
Speaker 1: and that it was time to go home, to sit
12:24
Speaker 1: by the fire. Yeah, to grow up. So that's what
12:28
Speaker 1: Jane was gonna do, Poor sweet Jane. I needed one
12:33
Speaker 1: last favor, the record in the stack, the one with
12:36
Speaker 1: the profane banana on the cover, the one with the
12:39
Speaker 1: photo of Lou and his bandmates on the back, drowning
12:41
Speaker 1: in psychotic light. I needed to know everything she knew
12:44
Speaker 1: about those protest kids. She knew a lot. First of all,
12:49
Speaker 1: they weren't protest kids. She said, they were deviants near nihilis.
12:54
Speaker 1: They were depraved and being tricked out by an art
12:56
Speaker 1: world charlatan named Andy, the shore Leaf Boy toy I'd
12:59
Speaker 1: seen and gullying the performance I was used at. Wasn't
13:03
Speaker 1: it obvious? She asked me? Obvious? How in the hell
13:06
Speaker 1: was any of this obvious to anyone, let alone me.
13:10
Speaker 1: Downtown was at my side of the street. I worked
13:12
Speaker 1: out her borrow insurance scams and divorce settlements. Bobo speed
13:16
Speaker 1: freaks with murderous tendencies. Weren't my back or anyone's, I imagined,
13:21
Speaker 1: Jane smiled. He hangs out in two places, she said,
13:24
Speaker 1: the factory at night and the diner after hours. I
13:28
Speaker 1: knew one of the places, and it was no longer night.
13:32
Speaker 1: I grabbed my coat and banged the pavement the diner door,
13:37
Speaker 1: dinged in. All three patrons at that early hour threw
13:39
Speaker 1: tired glances at me, but one loop back on his stool,
13:44
Speaker 1: sludge in his cup, cigarette in his hand. This time,
13:49
Speaker 1: I abandoned the subterfuge, walked straight up to him from behind,
13:52
Speaker 1: braced him. I put one hand under his armpit and
13:55
Speaker 1: quickly hoisted him off his stool and into motion, with
13:57
Speaker 1: me tracking him across the diner floor and into a
14:00
Speaker 1: booth opposite me. He quickly protested with that hey man
14:04
Speaker 1: beat nick wine. I smacked him open palm across the
14:07
Speaker 1: mouth another fucking word before I say so when the
14:09
Speaker 1: next one comes with a brass kiss, Lou shifted uncomfortably,
14:13
Speaker 1: but stayed seated. I shot a glance to the nighthawks
14:16
Speaker 1: that said, a word out of any of you motherfuckers,
14:18
Speaker 1: and you'll have trouble. You've never known. Everyone went back
14:21
Speaker 1: to their coffee, choosing the troubles they did know. Smart choice, Stephanie,
14:28
Speaker 1: why'd you do it? Lou just stared at me. He
14:31
Speaker 1: looked confused. My friend, the pregnant girl I brought to
14:34
Speaker 1: the loft. Lou registered recognition, but not guilt. Understandable. News
14:40
Speaker 1: of her death was out on the street and in
14:41
Speaker 1: all the papers. You think I killed her? Lou left.
14:45
Speaker 1: He was cool, but not in the plane in the
14:47
Speaker 1: park kind of way. I asked him, Well, who then,
14:51
Speaker 1: how would I know? What is this anyway? What kind
14:54
Speaker 1: of cop are you? Anyhow? I settled into my seat,
14:58
Speaker 1: lit a smoke. What's with you? Read? He just looked
15:02
Speaker 1: at me. I told him that I'm gonna bust your ass.
15:06
Speaker 1: Yaf kiggled at me. Oh, I bet you are, cowboy.
15:11
Speaker 1: You thought he was cute. I could relate. I had
15:14
Speaker 1: that same attitude once, minus the merry jive. I just
15:18
Speaker 1: stared at him across the table. He smiled and leaned
15:21
Speaker 1: in as if to tell me a secret. Hey, I
15:25
Speaker 1: know this bar down on the west side, Ernie's. They
15:28
Speaker 1: keep a jar of vasiline on the bar, and there's
15:31
Speaker 1: a back room that's dark where we could play. But
15:34
Speaker 1: if I'm not your tight those other vacilline voice, I
15:38
Speaker 1: hauled off across the table and wallved him again, close fists.
15:41
Speaker 1: This time he stood quick, Hey man, I stood too
15:45
Speaker 1: and grabbed him by the throat before he could get
15:47
Speaker 1: fully out of the booth. With one arm, I lifted
15:50
Speaker 1: him and slammed him back first onto the table. I
15:52
Speaker 1: leaned in on top of him and spit my words
15:54
Speaker 1: out an inch from his face in a furied whisper.
15:57
Speaker 1: Listen to me, you little fuck, you and me. We're
15:59
Speaker 1: going for a little trip out on the island. His
16:02
Speaker 1: eyes widened. Long island was the last place Lou reed
16:06
Speaker 1: wanted to be. We're gonna sit down with a friend
16:08
Speaker 1: of mine, a friend whose daughter you know, A friend
16:11
Speaker 1: whose daughter's boyfriend you knew. Even better, We're gonna get
16:13
Speaker 1: to the bottom of some things. Lou spit in my face.
16:19
Speaker 1: I slammed his head back into the table. He smiled.
16:22
Speaker 1: I pressed the weight to my body down on his
16:25
Speaker 1: on top of the table, and I felt him get
16:27
Speaker 1: hard down there, the depraved little fuck You're enjoying this
16:30
Speaker 1: as much as I am, he taunted. I felt my
16:33
Speaker 1: head swell with anger. I lifted his head again by
16:36
Speaker 1: his throat and slammed it once more into the table.
16:38
Speaker 1: Loo's eyes rolled, but he kept his smile. So I
16:41
Speaker 1: slammed his head harder, and then he grew harder. My
16:44
Speaker 1: head pulsed with rage. I slammed him down once more.
16:48
Speaker 1: I was gonna kill the little bastard the mess. From
16:52
Speaker 1: the sound, I knew in an instant what was happening.
16:56
Speaker 1: Then I felt it. The cold steel of the switchblade
16:59
Speaker 1: pressed across the front my neck. The owner of the
17:01
Speaker 1: switch pulled my head back by my hair and was
17:03
Speaker 1: ready to slice my head clean off. He growled something
17:06
Speaker 1: in Spanish that I didn't understand, but I was fluent
17:09
Speaker 1: enough in the universal language of a ship to the throat,
17:13
Speaker 1: so I backed off and let Louke go. The man
17:16
Speaker 1: yanked my head back, spun me around, and threw me
17:17
Speaker 1: into a table in a set of chairs, which exploded
17:20
Speaker 1: across the dining room floor upon impact. I looked up
17:23
Speaker 1: from the floor. It was Jesus, the switchblade type bus boy.
17:27
Speaker 1: He'd picked Lou up off the table and dusted him off.
17:30
Speaker 1: I lay on my back, staring up at them both.
17:32
Speaker 1: I started to pick myself up and Jesus gave me
17:35
Speaker 1: his pr boot right in the ribs. He knocked me back,
17:38
Speaker 1: but not out. The two split quickly out the diner door.
17:42
Speaker 1: I crawled to my feet and gave Chase, we'll be
17:49
Speaker 1: right back after this were where worre. I split through
17:59
Speaker 1: the diner door, down the short three steps to the sidewalk,
18:02
Speaker 1: began my sprint after Loo and Jesus, and somehow, without
18:05
Speaker 1: seeing him, ran straight into beard Miss Harry's meat and fist.
18:12
Speaker 1: When I woke up, I was tied to a chair
18:14
Speaker 1: and a crowded, dingy basement with a low ceiling with
18:17
Speaker 1: exposed pipes and a dirt floor. There were stacks and
18:20
Speaker 1: stacks of boxed and canned Italian specialty foods and a
18:23
Speaker 1: heavy aroma of garlic, onions and sweet peppers. My stomach roiled.
18:28
Speaker 1: I hadn't eaten in days, but I had bigger problems.
18:31
Speaker 1: I was reminded of those problems, too sweet, with a
18:34
Speaker 1: quick open handed smack across the mouth from one of
18:36
Speaker 1: Beardless Harry's goons. My eyes stung, my body ached. I
18:41
Speaker 1: shook my head and gave Harry an unintentionally vacant look.
18:44
Speaker 1: His goon geared up to crack me again, and this
18:47
Speaker 1: time with a closed fist. Harry stopped him short at
18:50
Speaker 1: what I mistook for mercy ace, you stupid schmuck, and
18:55
Speaker 1: then Harry cracked me across the grill. The taste of
18:58
Speaker 1: blood quickly filled my mouth. He gave me the drill
19:01
Speaker 1: and stuttered sentences, no vig, no call, no nothing. Nunzio
19:06
Speaker 1: wants his money. You ain't got any. You are beyond late.
19:10
Speaker 1: You are fucking walking, talking insult to human faith. I
19:14
Speaker 1: tried to speak. Harry gave me a quick fist to
19:16
Speaker 1: the face. It did not stutter. It said shut the
19:20
Speaker 1: fuck up I did. He went on, I know he
19:24
Speaker 1: ain't get no money because we searched you and tossed
19:27
Speaker 1: that shipthold fourth four, walk up, you call home. I
19:30
Speaker 1: just stared at him. So what's it gonna be? He
19:34
Speaker 1: said cleanly. I'm working on something. I just need a
19:37
Speaker 1: little more time. Harry stutter came back strong with his
19:41
Speaker 1: next sentence, Does it have to do with the two Mary's?
19:44
Speaker 1: You will run run, run to chasing after through Union Square.
19:48
Speaker 1: Damned if it don't, I said, Does it have to
19:51
Speaker 1: do with this? Harry then pulled a crumpled handbill from
19:55
Speaker 1: his pocket and shoved it in my face so close
19:57
Speaker 1: I can hardly read it. In big block letters, it
19:59
Speaker 1: said venus and furs and under it the exploding plastic inevitable,
20:04
Speaker 1: Whatever the fuck any of that meant. I did recognize
20:07
Speaker 1: the next two words, though velvet underground, Today's date in
20:11
Speaker 1: the hell's kitchen address were printed at the bottom of
20:13
Speaker 1: the page. It might, I told Harry, where'd you get this?
20:17
Speaker 1: I asked, fell out of one of the Mary's. He
20:20
Speaker 1: was run, run, running to chasin after the teenage Mary.
20:24
Speaker 1: He ain't teenaged. He's dirty, and yeah, he's the thing
20:27
Speaker 1: between me and your bread. It ain't my bread ace
20:31
Speaker 1: it's in Nunsios. If it were mine, you'd be buried
20:34
Speaker 1: under that dird floor already. We might have had some times.
20:37
Speaker 1: You would be watching the ponies run a raise. But
20:40
Speaker 1: I ate the sentimental type. Nunzio, on the other hand,
20:43
Speaker 1: tends to get sentimental about his money, though to a point.
20:46
Speaker 1: He gets all sad when it don't come back to him,
20:49
Speaker 1: and then he gets anxious, and then he gets angry,
20:51
Speaker 1: and pretty soon he's wanting to bury a deadbeat under
20:53
Speaker 1: a dird floor. So you got a one more chance
20:57
Speaker 1: ace twenty four hours or the next time you see me,
21:00
Speaker 1: well you won't see me. You'll feel quick, cold steel
21:03
Speaker 1: against the back of your skull, and a second later
21:06
Speaker 1: you'll feel nothing, nothing at all. I hit the front
21:11
Speaker 1: door of the Hell's Kitchen address listed on Harry's handbill
21:14
Speaker 1: and entered a dark, compartmentalized space. Red light pulsed on
21:18
Speaker 1: and off slowly and intermittently blanketed the dingy, smoke filled space.
21:23
Speaker 1: Street light snuck through the window in tiny spurs, fancying
21:26
Speaker 1: itself boss. It wasn't. The red pulse and the darkness
21:30
Speaker 1: blew it out out of nowhere. What can only be
21:33
Speaker 1: described as a servant appeared with a drink and an
21:36
Speaker 1: array of pills on a tray. I refused all of it,
21:39
Speaker 1: blew them off, lit a smoke, and slowly made my
21:42
Speaker 1: way into the space. There were bottles upon bottles of alcohol,
21:46
Speaker 1: empty and full beer, wine, liquor, along with overfilled ash
21:50
Speaker 1: trays covering every flat surface. The sight of it all
21:54
Speaker 1: made me tired, weary. I could sleep a thousand years,
21:57
Speaker 1: I thought. A record player spun endlessly and aimlessly, with
22:02
Speaker 1: its needle bumping up against the record's center label and
22:05
Speaker 1: the sound of the vinyl crackling on repeat added a
22:08
Speaker 1: weird ambiance to the viola player droning on in the corner.
22:11
Speaker 1: He looked like lurch, and the whole thing seemed intentional,
22:14
Speaker 1: even though I knew clearly that it wasn't. And there
22:17
Speaker 1: were bodies intertwined with one another on the furniture post coitus,
22:21
Speaker 1: half naked in stone, dragging casually on cigarettes. Two ringleaders
22:25
Speaker 1: patrolled the small space with giant bull whips. Both were
22:29
Speaker 1: masked in leather, shiny, shiny leather. One a man with long,
22:34
Speaker 1: greasy fifty style pompadour and fit thighs like a varsity wrestler,
22:38
Speaker 1: who wore tight jeans, high heels, and nothing else aside
22:41
Speaker 1: from his leather mask. The other a woman, a mistress.
22:45
Speaker 1: I guess you would call heer ore a shiny leather
22:48
Speaker 1: MC jacket with nothing on under it, panti's heels and
22:51
Speaker 1: nothing else. They mock inspected the goings on on the
22:55
Speaker 1: couches and floor cushions and cracked their whips for added effect.
22:59
Speaker 1: Mister pomp circled away from me and toward the big
23:01
Speaker 1: platform bed at the end of the space. The mistress
23:04
Speaker 1: followed and cracking her whip with more consistency. Lurch on
23:08
Speaker 1: the viola settled into something repetitive. The drone moved into
23:12
Speaker 1: a melody, and the bodies lining the wall began a
23:15
Speaker 1: slow clap in unison, and a hypnotic rhythm took shape
23:18
Speaker 1: around us, and mister Pomp climbed onto the bed, slowly
23:22
Speaker 1: on all fours, waving that big ass of his at
23:24
Speaker 1: all of us for effect, and the mistress gave it
23:27
Speaker 1: a crack with her whip, and the bodies took up
23:29
Speaker 1: a chant in time with the viola in their claps.
23:32
Speaker 1: At first it was a murmur I couldn't quite understand,
23:35
Speaker 1: but then the words emerged clearly in unison. Taste the whip,
23:39
Speaker 1: Taste the whip, Taste the whip. They repeated in Eastern
23:43
Speaker 1: mantra style, over and over again. The mistress set about
23:47
Speaker 1: to humiliate mister Pomp. He lay on the bed on
23:50
Speaker 1: his back. She straddled him and strapped the ballgag around
23:53
Speaker 1: his head, under his mask and into his mouth. She
23:56
Speaker 1: got off, stood and cracked a whip repeatedly across his
23:59
Speaker 1: hairy chest. The ballgag absorbed his screams. The servants stood
24:03
Speaker 1: next to me, still holding his platter of goodies out
24:06
Speaker 1: in front of him. Even though he was fully attending
24:07
Speaker 1: to the show happening in front of him, Everyone stared.
24:11
Speaker 1: Most shifted in their seats, adjusting themselves just a little
24:14
Speaker 1: too forcefully. Trousers tightened, panties loosened, heads swelled in hearts quickened.
24:21
Speaker 1: Mine included what the fuck was happening to me? What
24:24
Speaker 1: had I got myself into? The mistress stood on the
24:27
Speaker 1: platform bed now above mister pomp. She took one of
24:30
Speaker 1: her heels and dug it into his chest. More Ball
24:33
Speaker 1: gagged screams off to the side of the bed behind it. Really,
24:38
Speaker 1: in the darkness, I could see him there. He was
24:41
Speaker 1: lou standing in front of what must have been the
24:44
Speaker 1: emergency exit. As his back was up against the door,
24:46
Speaker 1: which faced the back of the building where the fire
24:48
Speaker 1: escape would most naturally be. He was mesmerized. Of course,
24:52
Speaker 1: he was the depraved little fuck. I quickly braced the
24:55
Speaker 1: servant next to me with a firm grip under his
24:57
Speaker 1: arm and quietly pulled him back a few steps to
24:59
Speaker 1: make sure any slight scene would go unnoticed. It broke
25:03
Speaker 1: his spell. He seemed shocked, and before he could speak
25:06
Speaker 1: I stuck a snub nose thirty eight into his ribs
25:08
Speaker 1: and whispered, sharply, one fucking word you bleed out on
25:11
Speaker 1: this pistaine floor got me. Pluto nodded, and ironically he
25:15
Speaker 1: started to piss his trousers. Which of these pills knocks
25:18
Speaker 1: you out? Not speed downers? He timidly pointed to a
25:22
Speaker 1: pile of grayish green pills. What are they, I asked, Mandy's?
25:26
Speaker 1: He said, mandricks, basically horse tranquilizers. I grabbed as many
25:30
Speaker 1: as I could in one handful off of his tray
25:32
Speaker 1: and made my way toward Lou. No one noticed me,
25:35
Speaker 1: especially not my guy. The depraved fuck show kept captivating
25:39
Speaker 1: the room. I walked past the bed into the darkness,
25:42
Speaker 1: straight up to Lou, palmed his face and need his groin,
25:45
Speaker 1: all in one continuous motion, pushed his body with mine
25:48
Speaker 1: backward and straight out the emergency exited onto the fire escape.
25:52
Speaker 1: He was slouched onto my chest in agony. I snapped
25:55
Speaker 1: him back upright, looked into his weasy eyes and had
25:58
Speaker 1: a mind to do a society of favor and toss
26:00
Speaker 1: over the railing and onto the street. At first I didn't. Instead,
26:04
Speaker 1: I unloaded with a right to his gut. The pain
26:07
Speaker 1: caused him to buckle over again. I grabbed a touch
26:09
Speaker 1: of his curly black hair above his forehead and yanked
26:11
Speaker 1: his head back. Then I opened his lips and shoved
26:14
Speaker 1: the mandies into his mouth. I swung him around and
26:17
Speaker 1: up against the building in one fluid motion, pressed my
26:19
Speaker 1: body against his, securing him to the wall, and pinched
26:22
Speaker 1: his nose with one hand and held both his eyes
26:24
Speaker 1: open with my other Chew and swallow, motherfucker, or you've
26:27
Speaker 1: already drawn your last breaths. He did as he was
26:30
Speaker 1: told quickly. I let go of him and gasped for air.
26:35
Speaker 1: I let loose with another merciless wallet to his gut.
26:39
Speaker 1: He fell to his knees in front of me. Without thinking,
26:41
Speaker 1: I raised my knees sharply into his face. He toppled
26:44
Speaker 1: over under the grated iron fire escape. I picked him up,
26:48
Speaker 1: tossed him over my shoulder, and descended onto the street
26:51
Speaker 1: in search of a cabby who could keep a secret.
27:21
Speaker 1: Big bill paid the hacks fare. I caught him outside
27:24
Speaker 1: his Long Island home, on his way out the door
27:25
Speaker 1: to start his work day. Two stints in Korea for
27:28
Speaker 1: the weekend shift at Riker's Bill had it worse than
27:32
Speaker 1: I did, I thought to myself. He was shocked when
27:34
Speaker 1: he saw him I drugged and beaten package. He told
27:37
Speaker 1: me what he didn't want to know anything. All I
27:41
Speaker 1: told him was that the package was crucial to getting
27:43
Speaker 1: his daughter off. He told me, Marsha and his wife
27:45
Speaker 1: were away at his mother in law's for a couple
27:47
Speaker 1: of days and the house was mine. Put the package
27:50
Speaker 1: on ice and we'd sort it out when he got
27:52
Speaker 1: home after his shift.
27:57
Speaker 3: Big Bill never came home or I left too soon.
28:00
Speaker 3: I can't remember much these days. The electro shock therapy
28:03
Speaker 3: scrambled my memories. My parents had me committed after the
28:08
Speaker 3: Waldo Jeffers thing. Said I was crazy, said I had
28:12
Speaker 3: a violent homosexual streak. At least that's what I told people,
28:16
Speaker 3: the homosexual part of it, not the violent part. It
28:20
Speaker 3: made for better press, and lord knows those rock journalists
28:23
Speaker 3: needed all the help they could get. The violent part
28:27
Speaker 3: wasn't true either. I'm just telling you now because it
28:31
Speaker 3: sounds good. I can't help myself out. At Bill Bronson's
28:35
Speaker 3: house on Long Island, where I grew up, well, Marsha
28:38
Speaker 3: Bronson's house, my old friend Waldo's girlfriend. The kitchen was
28:42
Speaker 3: recognizable to me. I'd been in it once or twice
28:46
Speaker 3: before as a kid a couple of years back, visiting
28:48
Speaker 3: with Waldo. I liked Marcia and I like Waldo. But
28:53
Speaker 3: I didn't help Waldo do what he did. Not like
28:56
Speaker 3: Ace said, this was a phony, a fraud. He laid
29:01
Speaker 3: into me pretty bad in that kitchen. I gave him
29:03
Speaker 3: the silent treatment. He put his hands on me. I
29:06
Speaker 3: stayed dummied up.
29:07
Speaker 1: No way I.
29:08
Speaker 3: Did what he said I did. Could have happened this way,
29:11
Speaker 3: he said. You and Waldo were hanging out at his place.
29:14
Speaker 1: He's love sick. He's had one le his whole life.
29:17
Speaker 1: Now she lives in Wisconsin. Waldo knows in his bones
29:20
Speaker 1: that he can't keep Marsha faithful, not while she's at school.
29:24
Speaker 1: Hard enough for a guy like Waldo to keep a
29:26
Speaker 1: girl like Marsha here on Long Island with the home
29:28
Speaker 1: field advantage, How's he going to do it while she's
29:30
Speaker 1: off at school being chased by varsity letterman with actual
29:33
Speaker 1: shoulder frames. It's a real bad break for old Waldo,
29:36
Speaker 1: a real heartbreaker. You being the bleeding heartbeat nick poet,
29:40
Speaker 1: you aspired it you feel for Waldo. He's broke. You're broke,
29:44
Speaker 1: you're dope, sick, he's dumb. You get an idea, Yeah,
29:48
Speaker 1: that's right, you get an idea. If you got no
29:51
Speaker 1: money and you can't buy a bus ticket out to
29:53
Speaker 1: Wisconsin for Waldo to visit Marsha, why not put your parents'
29:56
Speaker 1: tax dollars to work and catch Waldo a ride with
29:58
Speaker 1: the US Postal Service. So you box up old Waldo
30:02
Speaker 1: all secure with rings of packing tape, a couple perforated holes,
30:05
Speaker 1: and off he goes certified no class to Wisconsin to
30:08
Speaker 1: give his girl the surprise of her life. Except your
30:11
Speaker 1: dim witted plan goes wrong. You didn't count on a
30:14
Speaker 1: young girl's hangover and her impatience, and Walbert winds up
30:17
Speaker 1: dead because of it, and a guy I owe a
30:19
Speaker 1: favor to you for saving my life, his daughter's life
30:22
Speaker 1: now needs save and because of it, your little shit
30:24
Speaker 1: hel and your life ain't worth a penny pulp. You'll
30:27
Speaker 1: be lucky enough to have your obituary written on when
30:29
Speaker 1: you're gone. My life ain't with the penny. PI thinks
30:32
Speaker 1: he's lucky enough to have figured out here in the now.
30:35
Speaker 1: You don't know shit, Ace slick, real slick, baby. I
30:38
Speaker 1: ain't your fall guy at Pluto.
30:40
Speaker 3: You got it all figured out, real good, I told him,
30:42
Speaker 3: and then I clammed up again. My silence charged him.
30:49
Speaker 3: He tried playing it cool, but he could see I
30:51
Speaker 3: was burning inside. I pressed my luck and stood from
30:55
Speaker 3: the kitchen table water. He's just there at the table,
31:00
Speaker 3: staring at me. I got myself a glass from the sink.
31:06
Speaker 3: Sweat broke free from the top of Ace's forehead.
31:09
Speaker 1: I had him.
31:11
Speaker 3: I walked around the house, opened the shades, let the
31:15
Speaker 3: Sunday morning sun in. I went to Marsha's room.
31:19
Speaker 1: There just what I.
31:20
Speaker 3: Wanted on her vanity, next to her hair brush, a
31:24
Speaker 3: handheld mirror. I grabbed it, walked back to the kitchen,
31:29
Speaker 3: sat down opposite Ace at the kitchen table. His sweating
31:32
Speaker 3: was now more intense. His anger and frustration were palpable.
31:37
Speaker 3: He seemed frozen in time, completely calcified into the kitchen chair.
31:42
Speaker 3: His speed Jones was back and it had complete.
31:44
Speaker 1: Control over him.
31:47
Speaker 3: I put the mirror down between us, and from out
31:49
Speaker 3: of my jean pocket, I dug out a bag of
31:51
Speaker 3: pills and threw them on the table. I had no
31:54
Speaker 3: works shooting the speed was impossible, so I crushed the
31:58
Speaker 3: pills into fine powder with missus Bronson's rolling pin from
32:01
Speaker 3: her kitchen drawer. Ace just watched intently, said nothing. I
32:07
Speaker 3: could feel his addiction. I divided the powder into thick
32:11
Speaker 3: lines on the mirror between us. Ace salivated. I held
32:16
Speaker 3: up my hand on the table, palm up. Give it
32:19
Speaker 3: to me, I said. He looked at me, and his
32:22
Speaker 3: whole face looked like a question mark. That's how intent
32:26
Speaker 3: he suddenly was on satisfying me. I had what he wanted,
32:30
Speaker 3: and there was no longer any reason to pin Waldo
32:32
Speaker 3: Jeffer's death on any one else but Marcia, least of
32:36
Speaker 3: all me. Since I had the speeds dash my bread,
32:40
Speaker 3: I said, give it to me. Ace dug into his pocket,
32:46
Speaker 3: pulled out a water of cash, and put twenty six
32:48
Speaker 3: dollars in my hand. I peeled off the twenty and
32:51
Speaker 3: rolled it into a tight cylinder. I did the first
32:54
Speaker 3: line to even out to steady my nerves. Then I
32:58
Speaker 3: handed the rolled twenty to Ace. He quickly snorted up
33:02
Speaker 3: a line and stayed hovered over the mirror, perched to
33:05
Speaker 3: do another. As soon as the first made its way
33:07
Speaker 3: fully into his bloodstream. I spoke quietly.
33:11
Speaker 1: You know it wasn't me.
33:13
Speaker 3: You know, I said it again to be sure he
33:15
Speaker 3: heard me. You know it wasn't me. You know he
33:19
Speaker 3: did another line and I said it again. You know
33:22
Speaker 3: it wasn't me.
33:25
Speaker 1: I know it wasn't you. It wasn't you. Wasn't you.
33:29
Speaker 1: I heard lou speak while I tended to my jones.
33:32
Speaker 1: I was surprised by what came over me. That dormant
33:35
Speaker 1: craving took over. It owned me. It was more important
33:39
Speaker 1: than anything, more important than Marcia Waldo, Big Bill, Uncle Dave, Beardless, Harry,
33:45
Speaker 1: No Nos, Nunzio, Jesus, Stephanie, the Vasolene Voice, mess Hall, Mary, Jenny,
33:50
Speaker 1: Sweet Jane, jack Andy teenaged Mary. It didn't matter who
33:54
Speaker 1: was I kidding? They never mattered. They're all a justification,
33:58
Speaker 1: a means to an end. If they were even real
34:00
Speaker 1: at all, not just figments of my war torn imagination.
34:03
Speaker 1: And what was the war anyway? How real was that?
34:06
Speaker 1: How many actual memories did I have? How many of
34:09
Speaker 1: them did I make up to explain away my behavior?
34:11
Speaker 1: How many electro shock sessions did I need to undergo
34:14
Speaker 1: before all of it was gone? Louis spoke in a
34:17
Speaker 1: soothing voice. I continued to snort up as much speed
34:21
Speaker 1: as I could off of that mirror. Lou's voice felt
34:24
Speaker 1: good in my ears. He was reciting something pleasant, a poem.
34:29
Speaker 3: When you think the knight has seen your mind, that
34:32
Speaker 3: inside you're twisted and unkind, let me stand to show
34:36
Speaker 3: that you are blind.
34:39
Speaker 1: His words rang true with the clarity I hadn't felt
34:42
Speaker 1: in years. I snorted the last of the speed and
34:45
Speaker 1: looked up to face Lou across the table. He was gone.
34:49
Speaker 1: And then I looked down at the mirror, and there
34:52
Speaker 1: he was right there, staring back at me. He was me,
34:57
Speaker 1: I was him, No reiedmont Alan Lewis Akaace Just Lewis,
35:02
Speaker 1: Allen Reid aka Lou Reid. I closed my eyes and
35:07
Speaker 1: heard his voice, my voice. I'll be your mirror, reflect
35:13
Speaker 1: who you are.
35:14
Speaker 3: The light on your door, to show that you're home.
35:18
Speaker 3: I stood up from the table, finished my glass of water,
35:21
Speaker 3: walked out of Marshall Bronson's kitchen down that suburban Long
35:24
Speaker 3: Island street, two.
35:25
Speaker 1: Blocks to my parents' home for some peace and quiet.
35:29
Speaker 1: It was a tiny walk to end the tall town.
35:32
Speaker 1: And that's the short and long of it. Anyhow, this
35:37
Speaker 1: this Disgraceland. Disgraceland was created by Yours Truly and is
35:52
Speaker 1: produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for this episode
35:56
Speaker 1: can be found on the show notes page at disgracelambpod
35:59
Speaker 1: dot com. If you're listening as a disgracelan All Access member,
36:03
Speaker 1: thank you for supporting the show. We really appreciate it,
36:06
Speaker 1: and if not, you can become a member right now
36:08
Speaker 1: by going to disgracelampod dot com Slash Membership. Members can
36:12
Speaker 1: listen to every episode of disgracelan Ad free, Plus you'll
36:16
Speaker 1: get one brand new exclusive episode every month, weekly unscripted
36:21
Speaker 1: bonus episode, special audio collections, and early access to merchandise
36:25
Speaker 1: and events. Visit disgracelampod dot com Slash Membership for details,
36:30
Speaker 1: Rate and review the show, and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter,
36:33
Speaker 1: and Facebook at disgracelampod and on YouTube at YouTube dot
36:37
Speaker 1: com slash at disgracelampod. Rock a Roller, He's the Mann