Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Don't Make Out with Your Brother w/ 23andMe

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Don't Make Out with Your Brother w/ 23andMe · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea Hi. Tell USA. Today, we teamed
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: up with twenty three in Me and we're doing a
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: very special episode with them. We're gonna talk about some
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: of the discoveries we made as far as our health
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: reports and our ancestry goes. We're going to talk to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: some colors and answer some advice emails. We had so
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: many crazy responses. This is gonna be so much fun. Yes,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: we both did our twenty three in Me and to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: find out, it covers a bevy of things, right, your ancestry,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: your health markers, if you have a slightly increased risk
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: for something or increased likelihood, or if there's a variant detected,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: or if you have irritable bowel syndrome, which apparently there's
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: an increased likelihood that I will have that. And that's
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: my result summary irritable bowel syndrome. That explains a lot. Actually,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: is that something you feel like you have? I don't know.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I mean I've had episodes. I'm not sure I have
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: LDL lesterral increased likelihood. I definitely have an issue with that.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: It says I have a slightly increased risk for Celiac disease,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: but I was comparing my results with my sisters this
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: weekend in San Francisco, and I was under the impression.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: When we were in Mariamorica, we were talking about how
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: much Ashkenazi jew I was, what the percentage of Ashkenazi
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: jew I was, and I remember the number sixty four percent.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: And then when I told Simone that, she says, that's
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  Speaker 1: impossible because our father was Jewish and our mother was
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Western European. And I was like, no, I'm sixty And
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: then when I pulled up my results on my app, it'
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: said fifty percent Oshkenazi. So I want to know who
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: put that sixty into my head or where I read
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: that number. Yeah, I I also wonder, I mean, can
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: your ratios be a little bit different for siblings of
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: their full siblings? Well, you can't get sixty four percent.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: When I realized form my sisters that you can't get
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: sixty percent Oshknazzi from one parent when the other parents,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: it's like straight down the middle fifty fifty. So the
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: g is meat and then whichever the stronger genes are
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the dominant gene, we'll take over. But you're never going
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to get more than fift from one parent, is the
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: way that. My sister explained it to me. She's a
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: health attorney and works for Genentech, so I'm gonna I'm
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: gonna believe her. I mean, I don't know that that's right,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: but I think that makes sense because we were both
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: exactly Fiftysnazi. But I had different sides of my mother
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: than she did. I have like part Scandinavian and part German,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and more German than she has, which explains my good looks.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I was actually pretty surprised by mine. I thought I
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: definitely take after my like the side of my family
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: that's very British, very Irish, I'm very fair, have a
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: little British turned up nose, all of that kind of stuff.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: But I was actually surprised to find I'm very heavily German,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: which I knew, but also French, which I guess that's
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: a nice little touch. Yeah, that makes me feel fancy.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like a little bit French. French is good. I
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: thought I was Safartic Jewish, which doesn't make any sense
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  Speaker 1: at all, because, as my sister also explained to me,
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  Speaker 1: Ashkenazi are like lighter skinned and you know, more blonde hair,
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  Speaker 1: blue eyed, where Safartic is darker skinned, dark hair, dark eyes,
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  Speaker 1: and so I don't know why I had that confusion. Also, well,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: because you got all that German blood, So maybe that's
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: where the blonde and everything that comes from, right, I
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: mean it wouldn't be great though, like to do it
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: and find out you have like ten percent Japanese or
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: something like that would be something like WHOA, I have
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: a very small percent of Senegambian and Guinean. So I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: think that's black. Yeah, that's African. And I do know
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: that I have one ancestor who was like several generations back,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: who was passing quote unquote as they used to say,
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  Speaker 1: for white, both he and his sister, and so that's
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: part of our ancestry. And I thought that was really interesting.
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  Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, it's actually real, it's true. Wow, that
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: it is cool. I think it's interesting that you can
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: test for things like irritable bowel syndrome, like that's a
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: genetic marker. I would not have thought that, Like I
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: get the cholesterol, I get heart disease. Did you what
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: about the bcr age a gene? Then mine did not
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: show that. And this test it tests for a couple
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  Speaker 1: of the variants that you know lead to the b
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: R C aging, but not all of them. So you know,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: one of the things they said is if you do
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: see stuff like that, go talk to your doctor and
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: like check that out. I have also, this is a
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: good one to highlight increased likelihood for gout. That sounds
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: about right. That sounds like something I would come across
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: and at some point in my life I just associate
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: gout with like Henry the Eighth and like eating a
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: lot of roast chicken. This one says drug metabolism predicted
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: rapid metabolizer. That makes a lot of fun. I mean,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: that is very on the nose. I had something. I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: have a slightly increased risk for macular degeneration, which makes
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: sense with my family history. Oh yeah, I have that too,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And I think that's just isn't that age related? Like
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: most people have that? Yeah, But you know, it's this
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: sort of thing that makes it a little easier to say, like, Okay,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: here's something for me to watch out for, here's something
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: to talk to my my eye doctor about, and that
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: sort of thing. I was less likely to have a
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: fear of public speaking. I thought that was interesting. Are
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: you serious the stuff that it's crazy? Yeah? Do you
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: have a fear of public speaking. Uh not really, no, oh,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: here he is speaking to us. And then you can
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: also find your Neanderthal and do you have some Well,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: let's look. I bet that makes a lot of sense too.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. You have ship. Hey, Chelsea,
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  Speaker 1: you have more Neandrethal DNA than of other customers. What
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the fund does that mean? I have more Neanderthal than
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Thank god? Okay, okay, so I'm on the lower end
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: of Neandrethal here, let's remember that. Okay, okay, okay. I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: inherited a small amount of DNA from your Neandrethal ancestors.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Out of the seven thousand, four hundred variants we tested,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: we found two hundred and twenty variants in your DNA
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: that traced back to Neadrethal's. Wow, I know. Brad's markers
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: said something along the lines of his bloodline could be
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: traced back to a single male two hundred and fifty
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: thousand years ago, like single males. Well, obviously there was
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a woman involved after that, but like they could trace
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: his lineage back two hundred and fifty thousand years I
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: don't know how, wow, but they did. That's it's crazy.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I just can't believe that so many
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: people are able to I guess you can opt to
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: be public on this right and way. I have an
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: increased likelihood for roseatsia. That's true. My whole family has rosasia.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Actually not my whole family, but both of my brothers
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: have it. Oh, here was another very interesting one from Brad's.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: So Brad by trade as a drummer. He's a musician.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: He's also constantly shaking his leg, just like when we're
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: sitting at the dinner table. I always think there is
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: a random earthquake. He has a gene that is common
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: in people who have fast twitch muscle fibers, So it's
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: like he was born to be an amazing drummer. That's like,
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: is that restless legs syndrome also? Or no, maybe it's related.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It said something about the muscle fibers and the way
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: that it's common in people who are athletes and runners
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: and that kind of stuff. Mine says I have an
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: increased likelihood for resting bitch face. Wow, they can tell
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: so much. That's amazing. Do either of you have the
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: increased likelihood to hate the sound of chewing? No, that's
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: the thing I can hate that what's it called misoponia?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: That is a really gross sound chewing that's in one
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: of my results. It's amazing, that's so funny. I can't
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: believe they can measure things like that and that or
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: that that stuff is genetic. I mean it should should
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: be measurable. What about the sound of forks and knife
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: scraping on a plate. That's worse than chewing, but usually
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: the to go hands in hand. Katherine's dad likes to
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: cut his eggs with a steak knife. So yeah, so
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it's just like it's terrible, it's terrible, so annoying. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: but Chelsea, we actually have a ton of amazing questions
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  Speaker 1: for today. We're callers some emails. I had the hardest
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: time picking which emails to use. Yeah, we did a
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  Speaker 1: call for submissions for twenty three and me or you know,
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: other genetic testing things people found out, and we've got
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: some crazy responses. So should we launch in after Yeah,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: All right, Chelsea, are you ready for some email? We bean? So.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Our first email comes from Kyle Elizabeth. She says, good morning.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: My name is Kyle Elizabeth. I'm a thirty two year
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: old woman living in Austin, Texas. I was gifted a
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: twenty three and me test in October, and when the
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: results came back, the surprises started. I'm the child of
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: lesbian mothers, so I've known since I was eleven that
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: my father was a sperm donor. But I was told
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: that he was Puerto Rican and in med school at
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: the time he donated. I was also told that he
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: had only donated enough for one family, mine, so I
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: was the only child created with his seamen. Well turns
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: out he was not Puerto Rican, not a med student,
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  Speaker 1: and quote donated a lot. My father is actually an
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: ashke Nazi Jewish Man who dropped out of college and
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: donated once a week for ten years. So far, I
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: have connected with my new siblings, seventeen of them, to
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: be exact, I'm the third oldest. One is six weeks
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: older than me, and another is less than twenty four
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: hours older than me. Oh my god. All of our
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: parents were lied to by the clinic we were created
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: in and told different stories about our father. We also
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: have many siblings that didn't know they were donor conceived
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: until they tested their DNA. Wait wait, wait, she said,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: we all were lied to about the clinic, just like
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: told them all different stories about this dad. Who oh,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: the clinic lie because don't you pick who you're getting
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: your sperm from? Guess and maybe not in those days.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah you right, you flipped through a book and you're like,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: this one looks nice. So they were lied to. Okay,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I see so many of them didn't know they were
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: donor conceived until they tested their DNA, which is so
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: important because we had a couple other people email in
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: like I thought I was one race and I'm another one,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: and for you know, family health history, that's super important
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: to know. So great to have a bunch of white
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: racist find out that they're black, you know, or any
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: sort of minority do their twenty three in me and
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, whoopsie doodle looks like you know that.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Actually that actually kind of happened with one side of
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: my family besides you, and you're besides you and your heritage.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Of yes it there, of yes, is that Papa New
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Guinea or Guinea? I think Guinea. I think just playing
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Guine because otherwise you would be Papa New Gay in
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: which I like the sound of that. But no, this
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: side of the family, they had been. I mean they're
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: a little more open now, but I bet they are
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: sucking assholes. Yeah. Now, I mean to the point where,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: like one of my uncles was dating a woman who
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: had a biracial child and they didn't want them to
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: get married. Like really a shitty stuff. And so we
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: found out a few years ago that we had this
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: ancestor who is you know, only a few great greats back,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: but they were passing for white and you know, had
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: to sort of exist in the world in that way.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: And turns out we all have that ancestry. So you know,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: you learned some new things. Well, Kyle Elizabeth says, being
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: an entirely different race than previously thought changes our medical
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: history and that's incredibly important. Best, Kyle Elizabeth. So we
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: do have a caller calling in. Her name is Molly.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a very weird situation,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: and I hope you can help. To start from the beginning,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: my mother was told by my grandmother that her biological
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: father was a certain someone from their hometown and that
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: he had left when my grandmother found out she was pregnant.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: This was fifty plus years ago. About five years ago,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: my mom knowing that her biological father had died years prior,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: decided that if she couldn't meet him, she'd like to
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: meet her siblings. She reached out to the oldest, a woman.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: My new aunt had no idea her father had another child,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: and took a little while to warm up to the idea,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: but eventually they decided to meet. My mother asked me
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: to come with her as a buffer. I'm hilarious and friendly.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: We all hit it off, and my new aunt was
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: thrilled to have a sister and my mother and a
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: new niece in me. We have made it a priority
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: to have Girl's Weekend at least once a year. Ever since,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I can't deny there were things that made us question
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: if we were in fact related to this family, but
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: mom and my new aunt were growing closer and closer.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Two years ago, while having dinner with my grandmother, my
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: mother asked her again and again, are you sure that
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: man is my father? There wasn't anyone else. After a while,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: my grandmother shared that there was one other person who
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: it could be. After investigating and a DNA test, my
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: mother found she was in fact fathered by another person
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: and had an additional totally different sibling. So this like
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: nu aunt was like not an aunt at all. She's
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: just a random woman. The issue is, we have a
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: girl's weekend coming up with this new aunt. My mom
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to cancel, and also doesn't want to tell
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: her what she's found out. She fears because this formerly
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: nu aunt has little to no family, that this would
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: shatter her. I, on the other hand, feel like she
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: should be honest with her, not only because she should know,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: but because I have a busy enough schedule as it is,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: and finding time to do these trips has become difficult.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: It's once a fucking year. What's so difficult about that?
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I'll go on vacation with this woman to keep her happy?
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: What should I do? I don't feel like it's right
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: for me to break the news to the woman who's
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: no longer my aunt, but my mother won't help help. Chelsea, Hi, Molly,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: how are you? Yeah? Were you nice? We're good, We're good.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: We're just reading your submission, right. I just reread that
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: and saw all the typos, so sorry, it's all right.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Don't worry. I didn't see the typos, otherwise we wouldn't
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: be talking right now. Catherine reads all the submission, So
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: she takes care of that for us. Thank god. I
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: know where are you? Well, we can't give away her
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: precise location, but she is in the Midwest. Oh. I
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: was gonna say, it looks so pretty outside. I know
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: it is. It's like sunny and beautiful, nice, nice windows.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: It's like the three days we have where it's it's
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: like pretty and yeah, and then it all goes to
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: hell in a handbasket, really does for the rest of
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the year. So your new aunt, that's not really your aunt?
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: How old is she? I think like, and you feel
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: like and okay, So I have a couple of things
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: to say. How many times have you guys had your
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: girls weekends together? Like multiple? Okay? I mean they like
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: came to my wedding. I feel honestly, in this instance,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: if this is making this woman happy, why take that
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: away from her? Like if she doesn't have a lot
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: of family and this gives her comfort and they've you've
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: developed this relationship. You saying that you're busy, like you said,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: you go away on a week like once a year
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: with her, that's not that much you can suck that
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: up in the name of giving off good vibes to somebody,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and you know, like she doesn't need to know the truth.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: It's not like it's going to have any impact, really
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: no good impact anyway, And so I don't know, I
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: just think of it as being I always like to
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: be honest about most things. But there's really no harm
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: being done, and it sounds like they've developed this really
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: nice relationship. And if your mom also feels like she
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to tell her, why burst her bubble? Well, right,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if I would tell her without
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: my mom's permission or anything like that, but I just
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: feel weird about it. I don't know why. I just
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: feel weird about being dishonest. I feel like, if anything,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Mom just tell her. Hey, So, actually I found out
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: that we're not biologically related. I still want you in
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: my life, and I think that's fine, But I don't know,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: there's kind of like this pressure on me anyway that
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: once a year doesn't sound like that big of a deal,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: but it's always like something that we have to travel for.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And I don't know. I would look at it as
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: like your community service, you know what I mean. I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: would look at it as a gift that you're giving
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: to another person, because yeah, if your mom does decide
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: to be honest with her, that's her prerogative and like, great,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: and yes, of course you can continue a relationship with
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: her without being biologically related. But I don't think you
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: should let it bother you that much, you know what
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I mean. You're not fronting this, you're not being You're
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: not in charge of the relationship, you know, and it's
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: giving people pleasure. I don't know, I don't feel strongly
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: about the dishonesty of it. Okay, okay, yeah, And that's
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: what my mom stances us too. She was like, she
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: needs us, she loves us. I don't know, I'm just
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: an asshole. No, well, yeah, what about we are? So
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: are you now? Is your mom gonna go find the
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: other one? So they've talked and the father is alive
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: and he has her contact information and it's like the
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: balls in his courtground. Wow, so her your mother father
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: is alive? Yes? Oh interesting twist? Well right, And so
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: that's another thing my mom my mom is like so
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: fearful that my new aunt is going to be furious
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: with my grandmother, who was just having fun is an
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: eighteen year old like whatever, and couldn't name who were
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: the father of her baby was and she so she
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: was like, so weorried that this new aunt is going
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: to be upset that you know, they like went through
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: all of this, but like you said, maybe she wouldn't
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: because of the relationships that we've made upset. Yeah, I
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: think it sounds like a nice relationship. I don't know,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: some people need you. There are a lot of people
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: in our lives that aren't family, but our family. I
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: know in my life there were always people either living
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: with us or who were just very close friends, who
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: were kind of always around for a long time or
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: a period of time, and we can sort of them
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: like family. I like to think of that, and like
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: a lot of people in my life, like I just
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: feel like, oh they need me. I'm there for them
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: because that's my giving back giving to someone. And so
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I think look at it like that, don't worry about
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: the morality of the lie because you're not doing anything bad.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: It feels like a white lie. Yeah, well, big white lie,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: A big white lie. I would you say, you know,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: if this grandfather of yours contact your mother, you better
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: open up your travel schedule, sister, because it looks like
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have a lot more trips coming up. I know. Well, luckily,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he's in the same state, so okay,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: oh that's great. The other family, the new not family,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: is somewhere else. I'm like, just think about it as
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: pretty funny. Actually, if you think about it, it would
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: make a really good sort of story. You know, you've
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: participating in a fake relationship for the next fifteen years.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: We'll have to like sit with our parents sometimes when
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: they're like with their friends, and maybe think of it
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: that way. It's your mom's friend, so I do. I
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: guess that's maybe why I've been dragging my feet because
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I have another sister who like doesn't
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: have to do these things, and it's only because she's
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: not as fun as me. And I'm like, mom, why
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: do you sometimes like take her take somebody else? But
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: but that's the burden you carry by being fun, you
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, You're carry more responsibility, it really is. Yeah,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: so suck it up. I guess I'll make people laugh
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: and feel loved. All right, Well, thanks for calling in,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Enjoy your sunny weather. Thank you
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: all right, by ladies, She's exhausted from being fun. I'm sure.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: You feel this way a lot too, because it is
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: hard to be the fun one in the group all
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the time, you know, sometimes you just want to be Yeah,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: sometimes you're just like, fuck off. That's when my New
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Jersey comes out, fuck off. Did you have to overcome
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: an accent? Uh? Yeah, I mean sometimes I have an
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: accent and I say all our talk or something of that,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: drinking especially, it comes out interesting. But no, I didn't
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: have a bad New Jersey accent. No, but my brother does.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: One of my brothers, which is weird. Yeah, it's like
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: randomly has Mormon accent. Well. Our next email comes from Sylvan.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Sylvan says, my story is a little different. And then
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I knew that my biological father had another family. My
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: entire life. It had been made clear to me that
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: both he and his wife didn't want my mother or
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: me intruding on their perfect families lives. This caused me
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: a great deal of pain and affected how I felt
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: about myself for as long as I can remember. In
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: two thousand five, shortly after Hurricane Katrina, I briefly got
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: in touch with my father and stepfather. I also met
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: an emailed most of my siblings. One of my half
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: sisters told me her version of the story that she
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: had found a baby picture of me and had been
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: shocked when her mother told her I existed. However, we
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: really never got to know each other because of the
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: geographic distance. A couple of weeks ago, my half sister
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: facebooked me to let me know she'd be passing through
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: my area and asked if I would her, her boyfriend,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: and my two year old niece for dinner. I eagerly
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: agreed and couldn't believe it when they told me they
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: were planning to sleep in their car that night. I
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: insisted that they come to my place, and we had
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: the start of a good conversation, but it wasn't enough
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: time to really start unpacking our separate histories and our
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: desire to know each other. They unfortunately had to keep
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: driving back to Louisiana and I needed to get to
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: work the next day. I want to get to know
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: my family, but I'm so afraid of doing or saying
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: the wrong thing. I'm wondering if you have any ideas
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: of how we can try to get to know each other,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Whether we can start in the present, or if the
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: only way to proceed is to address the past. Chelsea,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I know you're a compassionate person and you're also a
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: lot braver than me, So I'm reaching out to you
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: about this. I'm attaching a picture of me, my sister,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: her boyfriend, and their daughter. Thanks for any advice you
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: can offer. Sylvan, Oh, that is sweet. Yeah. I mean,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think you have to rehash the past, especially
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: if it's uncomfortable for any of anybody. It's about being related, right,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It's about having a blood relation and then working off
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: of that and building off of that. And I think
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: that you should start from the present and just getting
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: to know each other, and you know, not being overbearing
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: about it, but being giving people space to warm up
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to the idea, and also just being available for when
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: there is space and meeting the moment when the appropriate
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: moments arise, and also just keeping an open door letting
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: them know that you're always available. They're welcome to stay
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: with you if you're comfortable with that and getting to
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: know them in that way. But yeah, I guess I
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: wouldn't push it too hard. Yeah, I think it's just
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: a natural progression. You know, it's not something you can
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: like instantly change and have a relationship with someone like
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: that when there's that kind of history, but it's obviously
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: so many people do it, so like use that as
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: your compass, like it's been done so many times, where
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: people can have relationships with other family members they hadn't
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: known about or had it known about them, or you know,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: all of the circle stances that are kind of encapsulated
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: in these kinds of things. Yeah, I agree. I think
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I would treat it just like you're getting to know anybody,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: just like a normal friendship. Of course, you're going to
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: touch on like where did you go to high school?
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: And what was your favorite type of music, those sorts
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: of things from the past. But I don't necessarily think
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: unless she brings it up, it's necessary to like really
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: dive into family drama stuff. Just treat it like a
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: normal friendship. And I also think this is sort of
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: echoing what Chelsea said, but sort of bite sized interactions
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: might be good so that you can like have a
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: little time together, maybe go to dinner or coffee, and
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: then like you know, maybe in a few weeks or
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: a month you see them again, depending on how far
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: away they live. Yeah, yeah, take it slow, Yeah, take
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: it slow, just like you're getting to know anybody, But
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I do think there's an interesting connection that sisters can have,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: and it's really exciting that you got to meet a
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: niece as well. Very cute little baby niece. While Sylvan,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: let us know how it goes, and thank you for
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: emailing in. Our next question comes from Katie. Katie says,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. About two years ago, my dad told me
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: that when he was a teenager, one of my uncles
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: had a baby that got put up for adoption. No
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: one in the family knows about this. This past spring,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: my dad's youngest sister did twenty three and me and
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: found a DNA match with a woman that puts her
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: in the realm of a niece. No one in the
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: family said anything about this, but my dad is positive
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: this is the daughter that was put up for adoption.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: My uncle went on to Mary and have three kids,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: one of whom is my cousin who I'm very close
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: with and I consider her a sister. I'm going to
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: be a bridesmaid in her wedding in a few weeks,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if you think I should tell her
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: about this half sister she has. On the one hand,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I feel guilty keeping something so big from her. On
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: the other hand, I don't want to be the one
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: that spills the beans and causes the family drama, especially
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: right before her wedding. I don't know if it's necessarily
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: my place to tell her. What are your thoughts and advice?
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Katie Hi, Katie Hi? Chelseae? How are you good? How
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: are you her good? Thanks? So when does the wedding?
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: It's in a week and a half now, so it's
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: coming up. Yeah. I definitely would not tell her before
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: the wedding. Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: because the half sister is a big deal. And I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: don't know, Katherine, what do you think, Like, I don't
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: know if that's your place to tell her. Is there
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: anyone else in the family who feels like a natural
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: fit for the person to tell her, Like, maybe it's
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: your dad, maybe it's the uncle sort of thing. Yeah,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: So it's funny you mentioned that because my dad has
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: been meaning to have a conversation with the uncle, especially
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: since my aunt found out about this on the DNA thing,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: got it, So, but they haven't had that conversation yet. Yeah,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I would encourage them to have that conversation after the
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: wedding and after everything's died down, I would encourage your
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: dad to do it, and you know, and also let
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: him know, like if he doesn't, you will. I like,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I like the threatening people. I think that's a great approach.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: That's a good tactic. Yeah, it's just threatened them into action. No,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: but I mean I understand like it can feel a little,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: you know, guilt inducing to you're so close with her
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: and you have this enormous secret that you know, you
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: just probably is at the front of your brain all
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: the time when you're talking to her lately. But are
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: you in the wedding? I am, Yeah, I'm a bridesmaid.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Oh that's wonderful. That's wonderful. It is annoying to know,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: like I don't like that burden that you know, something
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: that she doesn't like. That's not fair either, you know.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: And that's what you have to impress upon your father
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: that that's why he's got to like pull the trigger
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: and have the conversation either with his brother or with
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: your cousin. Yeah. I think it's good to push them,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: but like let them get through the honeymoon and everything
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: first and get settled. And one thing about these sorts
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: of revelations is that they seem urgent, but they're actually
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: not as time sensitive as we maybe think that they are.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I know, when my dad found out that the man
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: he thought was his dad was not his biological father,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: he actually figured it out on his own and went
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: back out into the other room where his family was
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: and didn't say a word. And in fact, he didn't
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: say a word to my mom for a full year
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: because he needed time to process things and deal with
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: this new information in this new discovery before he could
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: really like talk to other people about it. And I
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: know the situation is a little bit different than that.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: But you know, this information feels so big because it
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: is such a big thing, but it's not actually something
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: that's super super urgent. Right. That's a good point. But
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: we're also talking about men, and men take a much
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: longer time to process things than women. We're like fax
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: machines and they're like fucking meat lockers. I guess that
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: is true. Have a good time at that. That sounds fine, Yeah, absolutely,
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. Keep us posted. M okay. Dear Chelsea, Hello,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: when I heard you were looking for people who done
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: genetic testing and ended up with a unique finding, I
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: started laughing out loud. I was adopted at birth by
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: the doctor who delivered me. His best friend at the
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: time was an attorney, and hey, it was seventy three,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: so I guess that's just how ship got done. Anyhow,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: I always knew I was adopted, and don't ever remember
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: being sat down for the talk. It was just common
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: knowledge in my family, no big deal. I didn't really
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: think much of it until one night my dad was
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: bourbon drunk and told me my birth mother's name. I
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: was probably about ten at the time and never forgot it.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: I always wondered what my birth parents were like, what
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: kind of music they listened to, was it a one
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: night stand, etcetera. Flash forward to the day I decided
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to take a twenty three and me test. I spit
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: into the test tube, which took me a couple hours
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: to fill because it was fucking gross and I kept gagging.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: As a nurse, I'd rather have someone vomit on me
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: than deal with flegm and spit. But hey, we all
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: have our thing. It's weird that it took her that
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: long to do it, because I was able to do
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: this in like five minutes, and I have no patience
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: for anything. Yes, she's a nurse. I'm a barbacologist. I'm
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: a guynecologist, as you spent right and to that too.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I it took me, like, I don't know, maybe ten
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: fifteen moves to like get this because you haven't had
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: anything to drink, so you're kind of dry, brad like
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: filled it all the way up and want ago horrified
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: and impressed. But so then she says, a few weeks later,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I got an email and my results were in within days.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: My biological aunt reached out to me. She was convinced
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I was a child of her other sister she had
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: three and told me all about when I was born
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: in this big, dramatic story that didn't align with what
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: my parents had told me. Again it was the seventies.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: She also said that I would not be hearing from
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: my birth mother because she wasn't in great health mentally
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: or physically. I was a bit shocked, but relieved. I
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: didn't want to have a big, weird reunion. Then she
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: told me about another child. I had an older brother,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: so she reached out to him to see if he
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: wanted to connect. She sent me his name and number,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: and I nervously planned to text him the next day.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. I
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: was laying in bed that night and almost asleep when
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: I suddenly sat up in bed and realized, Oh, my
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: fucking god, that's the guy I met at Jason Davidson's
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: party in high school and drunkenly made out with on
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Jason's mom's new couch. But then I somehow talked myself
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: out of it being the same guy, even though his
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: last name is not very common. It's fine, it's fine,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: it's fine. The next day I texted him and I
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: just said, hey, there, this is crazy but pretty interesting.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: If you ever want to catch up, let me know. Immediately,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: the three dots pop up and I wanted to die.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: He texted, I'm available right now if you are so.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I paced around saying funk like seventeen times and just
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: called him. You know when you can hear in someone's
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: voice that they're smiling so uncomfortably and awkwardly because they
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: have no idea what to do, That's how Chad sounded.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: I asked stuff we had friends in commons since we
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: went to rival high schools, and he simply blurted out
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Jason Davidson is my best friend. And then we both
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: sat in silence for what seemed like forever, and then
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I blurted out, oh, my God, did we make out
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: at that party? He uncomfortably said, yeah, we did, and
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: I asked, oh Jesus, was that all God? He reassured
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: me that that was all we did. The next few
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: weeks consisted of us calling each other and just laughing
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: uncomfortably on the phone together. He told his wife, who
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: thought it was hilarious, and we both did as well.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Turns out, he was born almost three hours away from
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: our hometown, was adopted and brought back to live about
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: four miles away from me. One summer in high school,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: we had both loosely hung around in the same circle
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: of people. It was so bizarre. We finally did meet
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: up and have a beer when he came back to
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: our hometown to visit at Christmas. Thank god his wife
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: came to break the ice. We had a great time
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: and both decided that even though it was super weird
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: to say, things really couldn't have turned out better because
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: we already knew each other and didn't have to worry
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: about some crazy half siblings showing up in the middle
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: of the night asking for money. If you're still reading this,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: thank you. I tried for brevity, but it didn't happen.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: I now refer to Chad as my makeout brother because
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: it sounds hilarious and inappropriate. He wasn't even a very
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: good kisser from what I remember, thank god. But don't
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: tell his wife that. Take care Hillary, You know what, Hillary,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Not a lot of people can talk about what kind
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: of kiss are their brother is, so Maltov, that's a
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: pretty funny story. You know. It's funny when you said
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: did anything more happen? It's like, you know, thank goodness,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: you didn't have sex with your brother. I mean right, yeah,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: thank goodness, because that is disgusting and making out is
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: who gives a ship about that? You know, Like, I mean,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: there are I would rather make out with my brother
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: over some men that are out there, you know. So yeah,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: that's a that's a funny story. It's funny that it
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: didn't lead to anything else. That's almost like the universe
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: protecting you, especially in moments when you're drunk and you
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: don't remember and and things don't take that course. It's
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: almost like you have like a fairy godmother or some
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: someone upstairs looking at for you don't Yeah, isn't it?
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Is it Iceland where they all have to have sex
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: with each other? Basically is the capital of Iceland, And
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: that's what Wait? Is it Iceland? Where? What? Where they
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: have to where they have to like follow a registry
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: so they make sure they don't marry their own cousins.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I think it is. They're beautiful in Iceland, so it
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: would be hard not to have sex with everybody, even
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: if you're related. Yeah. Well that's a recurring theme on
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: this shows, you know, making out with relatives and on
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Game of Thrones and on Game of Thrones, I mean,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: no spoilers, but just getting pretty hot this season. Are
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: you watching the new one? Oh? Oh, I haven't watched
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: it yet. Yeah. I mean it's it's good. I'm ready
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: for it to get even better. But I'm sticking with it.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I'm sticking with it. My sister started watching the original
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Game of Thrones and she just started watching that and
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: she was telling me about it and she's like, what's
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: your favorite part. I'm like, all, I'm members the incest,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Like that's the one thing that I just cannot get
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: passed about that show. And I don't know that. I'm
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: if it grossed me out or I liked it, because
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, why is that the one memory I have
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: of that show? It's like sticks out more than anything
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: is the incests. I mean, one of the most exciting
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: parts is where like two people who are related finally
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: hook up and you're like, yeah, oh God, brought to
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: you by So our next email comes from Lori. Lori says,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: love the show listen every week. I found out at
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: forty seven via twenty three and me Kit that I
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: did for fun that I was not my dad's biological child.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Long story short, my parents used a sperm donor and
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: kept it a secret. I've since discovered multiple donor siblings
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: or quote dipplings dim sum let's just call them dim Sum,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: and I'm quite close to two of them. In fact,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: we're having our first dibbling meet up and us a
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks. I'm very nervous to meet them in person,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: despite the fact that we text each other every day.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: My half sister in particular looks just like me, and
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I'm scared it will freak me out in person. I
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: crave closeness with them. They're not strangers, but more than friends,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: but not quite actual siblings. It's all very confusing. I've
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: also had to grapple with learning that my medical history
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: was not what I thought it was, specifically that there's
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: alcoholism and mental health issues on my paternal side that
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I was completely unaware of. Unfortunately, I'm seeing some of
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: those issues play out with my older daughter, who's fifteen.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: How should I make sense of these new relationships and
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: what do you think I should expect? Lorie? Oh? I,
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: first of all, I think that this is so exciting.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: You already have a good attitude, and they're gonna be
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: just as nervous as you are, Laurie. Like, if your
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: sister half sister looks so much like you, you also
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: look so much like her. She's thinking the same thing,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: and it's gonna be weird for both of you. But like,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: what a great opportunity. And you know, I mean, I'm
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: sorry about the mental health and alcoholism. A marker that
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: comes up. I do think it runs in family. Oh,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know that it's like specifically a marker, but yeah,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: it's it's genetic because it doesn't run in my family,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: so I must have started it. Um. But and that's
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: why I'm not reproducing, but I'm sorry to hear about
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: that aspect of things. But also that's not insurmountable either.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I know that you said she's having trouble with her
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: own daughter. Actually, you know what, having these relationships with
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: your half siblings may shed some light on all of
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: this for you because they may have had some experiences
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: that are similar with their own children or more of
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: your you know, diblings may have had that same experience.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: So it would be it's good to have that cohort,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: you know, where you guys can discuss it together and
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: and maybe like share your experience and glean some knowledge
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: from that. But I think this is a great opportunity.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: And yeah, it's totally normal to be nervous. Nervous means
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: you care, that's good. Yeah. My dad always says, like
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: when he was growing up, he was different than what
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: he now knows are his half siblings, um, and he
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: just thought he was very unique and totally his own person.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: And then when he met his other half siblings when
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: he was in his twenties, he was like, I am,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: it's it's all. It's all nature. It's all like even
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: the way we held our mugs, like our coffee mugs
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: was the same. They look the same, Like, my one
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: uncle is literally my dad but with red hair, completely
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: the same. Yeah, it's amazing. There was this Time magazine
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: cover years ago about twins where it talked about it
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: found like successive twins that were separated at birth, and
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: like there was one set of twins that were both
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: truck drivers. They were both married to a woman with
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: the same first name. They both named their baby the
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: same first name. They both watched the same television shows.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: They were identical twins, and you're like, holy shit, it's
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: so crazy. I find twins. Yeah, and that's so fascinating
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: the difference between fraternal twins and yeah, yeah, my two
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: cousins are identical twins. And they decided they wanted to
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: like not do the twin thing in college, so they
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: didn't talk to each other at all about what they
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: wanted to major in or where they wanted to go.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: They're like refused because they were like, let's go bear
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: on people. And of course they both wanted to be nurses,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: and they picked the same college, so one of them
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: had to, like, you know, they decided for the benefit
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: of being their own people, one of them would go
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: to the second choice college. But I know, I know.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: How do you decide which one gets the second choice?
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I would just say stick together. Who
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: gives a ship like each other? Stick together? Yeah, they're
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: both cool. Well. Our last email comes from Kra Dear Chelsea,
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: I had a sneaking suspicion and fear that my parents
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: might be related when my mom told me the story
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: of how right after I was born, she had my
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: baby book open filling in the family tree. Both my
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: grandma's were there with her. When she asked, okay, great
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: great grandmother, they said the same name. Turns out or
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: fourth cousins don't share that much d n A whoopsie doodle.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Now that we know I'm fairly normal, I can joke
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: about this. I'm fifty three years old and just fine.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: We also discovered that one of my great uncle's apparently
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: had a baby with a woman we didn't know about.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: We're now in touch with that new side of the family.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: And she came to your show at the Mountain Winery.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: She said, I can't wait to see Chelsea tonight for
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: the first time at the Mountain Winery. I think she'll
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: truly love it there. I mean, it's a concert venue
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: on a mountain with a winery. What could be better? Kara,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: I love these happy endings. It would be nice if
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: everybody just had this happy attitude. I know it's not
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: easy for everybody to have a good outlook towards it
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: because sometimes it involves cheating and secrets and lies, so
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: that adds a layer of you know, betrayal and drama. Yeah. Yeah,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: but it would be nice to just kind of accept
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: what the reality is because like to think about all
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: the connections people get to make, and like the new
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: family members, and when you have a positive outlook towards it,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: you can like act in love and kindness with new people,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: and and then you have another person you know in
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: your corner and you can be in someone's corner. It's
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: nice when there's a happy response. Yeah, and blood, I
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: do think is thicker than water, Like they're just is
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: something something different with a cousin or a sibling that
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: you have that you know, even sometimes it might be awkward,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: but you relate to them in a way that you
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: can't relate to any new friend. I think one of
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: the really interesting things that I heard when I was
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: researching this episode was the founder of twenty three and Me.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: She said, basically, everybody's got some mystery person in their
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: lineage here, there, wherever. But she said life is long,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: and people enjoy sex, so everybody's just a random person
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: out there in their family. Yeah, some people enjoy sex,
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: and some people like masturbating and then artificially seminating the
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: wrong women, So that's not really sex, but that's also
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: sadistic in a sick way. Six six six. Some people
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: are sick, they don't forget that part. Yes, And some
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: people like to make up with their own brothers. Yeah. Yeah,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: well some people accidentally make up with their own brothers,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Like we should say, that's true, Chelsea. This was I
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: think a very fun episode and we had there. Honestly,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: there were so many other emails we couldn't even get to,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: but it was pretty exciting to learn some different things.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so I I yeah, I mean, why
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: wouldn't anybody get this testing done? I mean, it just
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: gives you more information. Even if you don't want to
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: do the genealogy part, just do the health part so
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: you can find out what you have a propensity for.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: Here's a question, would you so this is a separate
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: thing that you would have to like upload your results too.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: It's separate from twenty three and me. But there is
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: a program called jet match where you can upload your
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: DNA that you've received two help with solving crimes. Is
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: that something that you would ever do? Well? What does
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: that mean? Exactly? Like so, so basically it helps law
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: enforcement like whittled down it. Let's say they have DNA
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: from a rapist or a murderer, and you submit your DNA.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: It might not be like your uncle, but it might
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: be your second cousin once removed, and that helps law
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: enforcement build family trees to help solve crimes. Oh yeah,
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: of course I would do that. I think I'm going
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: to do it. Oh you are, Okay, so would a
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: true crime and that sort of thing. I think I
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: just have to make sure I haven't done anything like that.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to murder. I mean, I've
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: wanted to murder so many people, but I've never pulled
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: the trigger, so to speak. But who knows what my
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: family has been sucking up to. But this would be
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: a good way to pin everybody in a corner exactly
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: exactly amen to that. Yeah, okay, well this has been
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: a very informative, very nice, lighthearted episode. Yes, thanks for
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: writing in everybody. Thank you guys. We'll see you next
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: week or you'll hear us by Okay, so my stand
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: up dates, I have some dates coming up in California
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: October one, I'm Impassa Robels and then I'm in Vegas
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: at the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: and then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: for more dates when I'll be performing. And uh yeah,
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: that's pretty much what's happening right now. So if you'd
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.