Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Can't I Stop Thinking About The Narcissist?

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Why Can't I Stop Thinking About The Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Is going on beautiful folks, today we're going to be
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  answering this question from you directly from the audience.
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  Why can I not stop thinking about the narcissist like why
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  are they still in my mind? Why can I not seem to move past
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  this person regardless of whatever they have done to me?
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  Why, why, why, why, why? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist code.
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  Let's go. Bam, welcome back, folks,
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  welcome back, welcome back. So yes, narcissistic toxic
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  people, yes. Why can't I stop thinking about
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  them? Why?
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  Like no matter what I do, no matter how much work that I put
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  in, no matter what it can't, it seems like I can't avoid
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  thinking about them. It seems like it.
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  And I know y'all see this shirt. My wife made me this shirt
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  because she wants y'all to subscribe to the YouTube
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  channel. Boom.
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  You see it right there. She made this shirt for me, my
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  wife. She thinks I'm special.
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  My wife left me. But hit that subscribe button
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  for my wife, not for me. But seriously, y'all, there are
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  so many people. Narcissist.
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  No, not even narcissist. People who have survived
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  narcissistic relationships, narcissistic abuse, abuse,
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  domestic violence that beat themselves up about not being
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  able to stop thinking about the abusive person.
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  Right. Yeah.
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  First off, let me say this right here.
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  Stop hammering away at yourself. You are.
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  Yeah. Early rent.
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  I love the early rents. You're a human being, understand
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  that you have feelings. Those feelings are absolutely
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  valid. You're allowed to feel, you're
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  allowed to hurt, you're allowed to be sad, you are allowed all
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  of it. So in when I say that, it means
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  like you're allowed to feel hurt, you're allowed to feel
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  pain, you're allowed to feel, to suffer a little bit.
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  Y'all stop hammering away at yourself.
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  Stop beating yourself up emotionally and physically.
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  Stop doing that shit. You have to stop.
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  I know it's not. It's easy, said it.
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  I know it's not as easily done as I try to make it seem like.
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  I know it's easier than just words.
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  Just stop it. No, it doesn't work that way, of
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  course, but you have to take it easy on yourself.
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  Stop. Like, why can't I stop thinking
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  about this person? I must be, I must be a horrible
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  person. I must be at fault.
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  What's wrong with me? I can't help it.
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  Like what's going on with me? Stop that shit.
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  If you catch yourself doing it, if you're sitting down right and
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  you catch yourself doing it, if y'all you're sitting in a chair,
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  you're leaning back and you catch yourself starting to think
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  about them. Hop your ass up like this and
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  start moving around. Shake, shake your body out, get
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  it out, scream, shake it out. Move your body.
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  Get that shit out of your system.
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  A lot of times the rumination, the thoughts are in your body.
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  They're in your position. They're in how you're seated.
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  They're in. It's in how you're thinking.
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  It's in how you're operating, Right, Right.
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  Yes, absolutely. Right.
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  So this is what as you, as you're moving along, as you're
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  going and doing this type of stuff, this is the point you
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  have to understand. I just jumped up and shook it
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  out. I'm tired.
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  But you shake it out. Don't let them dominate your
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  thoughts, right? Get up, shake it out, scream
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  into a pillow, but understand that this is normal, Yo, there's
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  nothing. Now, if you, if you keep going
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  back and forth to them, regardless of what they're
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  doing, what they have going on, you understand that?
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  Yeah, you probably need to go talk to a therapist to go ahead
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  and release this, the release the, you know, finally release
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  what you've been feeling. Finally release what you've been
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  going, what you have going on with this person, right?
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  That's what that's what needs to happen.
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  That's what needs to go on. But I say that to say this right
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  here. It's understandable to have
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  these thoughts yo. I've dealt with a narcissistic
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  woman yo. It's been so damn long.
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  It's I'm down there embarrassed to say that I've been married
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  since 20. I've been with my wife since
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  2011. I haven't dated my narcissistic
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  ex since what 20? I think me and her actually
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  stopped dating 20/10/2011. So since 2010. 2011 y'all That's
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  15 years and it still pop up my head every once in a while,
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  still pops up into my head every once in a while.
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  Do I do I ask myself like what's wrong with me?
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  Am I just messed up? No, I don't ask myself that
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  question. I just realized that sometimes
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  it's inevitable to not think about the person every once in a
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  while, somebody that you shared your life with somebody that you
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  planned a future with somebody that you you know, you've mapped
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  your whole entire lifeout with and whatnot.
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  It this could be your parent as well, but like it's
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  understandable to feel this way. Like they might have a common
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  name like like Mary or Ashley or Greg or Mark Luke, Matthew, Mark
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  Luke, John, you know what I mean?
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  They might have a very common name and you like when you hear
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  that name, it makes you think about them.
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  It triggers thoughts. Yo, you shared time with this
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  person. You sure you you were building a
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  life with this person. You had a lot going on with this
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  person. It's understandable to have
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  these thoughts. It really is So when you feel
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  like you're thinking about this person.
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  So first of all, This is why I have this.
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  This is going to help you out right here.
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  When you're thinking about this person, what are you thinking
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  about? Like, really, what are you
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  thinking about? Like, what are you thinking
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  about? What are you thinking about
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  them? What are you thinking about?
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  Are you missing something about this person?
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  What is it? What is actually going on in
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  your mind? Are you missing something about
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  this person? If so, what is it that you're
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  missing? If so, what did they say to you?
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  What did they lie about? Because clarity helps.
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  Yeah, Clarity kills. Clarity does kill.
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  It doesn't kill you. It kills the thoughts.
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  It kills the rumination, getting clear on exactly what you are
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  missing about this person. Are you missing the facade or
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  you actually missing the person? That's an important distinction
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  to make. Which, which part are you
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  missing? Are you missing who they
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  pretended to be? Which happens?
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  That happens to a lot of people, right?
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  It does happen to a lot of people.
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  It really does. GD loses it.
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  I'm uploading this video. Y'all, Y'all got to bear with me
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  real quick. But so many people go through
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  this. Get it out of your mind.
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  Yeah, Yeah. Breathe.
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  If you feel like you're thinking about this person and your heart
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  start racing and you feel like you can't get up, you can't
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  move, you can't. You can't do anything, Breathe.
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  You're safe. You're not around them anymore.
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  They're not. They're no longer in your life.
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  They're no longer in your vicinity.
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  They can't hurt you anymore. The thought can't hurt you.
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  It can make you feel pain. It can make you feel like you're
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  in pain. It's false pain.
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  It can make you feel like you're hurting.
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  It can make you feel trapped. But you're free.
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  The reason you think about it, the reason you can think about
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  this person sometimes, is because your body is getting
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  acclimated to being free. You're getting free.
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  You're getting that freedom, right?
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  You're absolutely getting free. And this is what happens, this
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  is the mentality, you know, I feel like this is what happened.
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  So many people goes on and this is the mindset.
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  So I talk to people all the time, y'all I do, I do one on
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  ones. I still do my one on ones over
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  Zoom. Everything is available at
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  mentalillness.net. Y'all probably see the scrolling
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  across the bottom of the screen here, but yet to understand,
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  like this is part of the healing process.
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  Part of the healing process is understanding what you're
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  missing about this person is understanding what is it exactly
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  about this person that you feel like you're thinking about right
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  now? What is it right now?
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  Don't just say I'm not thinking about anything.
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  There's nothing I'm not thinking about.
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  I don't miss anything about them.
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  Get deeper, dig deeper. The answer.
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  Look, I tell this people here when you're answering questions
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  about narcissists and why you still thinking about them, why
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  you ruminate me? Why you why you missed them?
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  You can't say nothing. Nothing is not the answer.
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  Nothing is like an escape route. That's a that's a shortcut.
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  I don't miss anything about them.
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  Then why you thinking about them?
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  Let's dig deeper right here. Y'all dig deeper.
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  The answer cannot be nothing. It can't be nothing.
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  I don't miss anything about this person.
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  They they were the scum of the earth.
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  Yes, they were the scum of the earth.
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  You mean yes, they were the scum of the earth.
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  They're still scummy. They're they're still on the
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  earth. You know, they're still on the
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  earth, but this is a piece of it.
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  You know, I feel like what have you have to do to get rid of
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  these thoughts? Thank them.
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  Write it down. Y'all write it down.
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  I don't have it. Oh yeah, I do.
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  Hold on. Give me one SEC.
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  I'm right back. I have myself love journal.
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  Y'all know I've been I've had this on Amazon forever.
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  This I love me a self learned journalist, self love, self love
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  son of a dead on. A self love journal is available
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  on Amazon, you can find on Amazon.
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  This is to help you regain that self love for yourself.
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  If you miss it, if you're missing something about them, I
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  promise you, you can give it to yourself.
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  I'm proud. I'm extraordinary.
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  This is for you to fill out journal, write down things about
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  yourself, the good stuff about yourself, but you can also write
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  down what is it about them that you're missing.
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  Clarity kills narcissism. It just does getting clear on
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  who you are, who they are, what they represent, who they
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  represent. Y'all.
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  It can be such a damn it. It could be such a release for
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  you. I promise you one day you're
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  going to wake up every night. Look, the crazy thing about it
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  is you won't realize that you're not thinking about them anymore.
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  You won't you won't realize it until you think about them like,
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  oh damn, you be getting ready to go to bed one day, snuggle up
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  and your little the owner cools. You going to flip the pillow
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  over, cool side of the pillow. And and you know, the
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  compassionate side of the pillow, not the warm, the
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  compassionate side. Look, get it warm like you're
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  nuzzling a cat. And then you'll be like, I
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  haven't thought about them all day.
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  I'm healing. But then you look right before
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  you go to bed, you. Well, damn it.
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  I'm thinking about them now. Now I got to get up and shake it
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  out like Lee said. Yeah, Shake it out.
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  Scream, punch something. Yeah, I'm just telling you,
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  release it. What?
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  Look, look, look out what you don't release.
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  You plant what you do not release.
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  You plant it. I know people say what you don't
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  release, you bury. No, we plant.
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  You plant because it grows. If you bury it, it typically
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  dies, right? You bury things that are done,
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  you're done with. You never want to be seen again.
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  But when you thinking about you, you don't release these
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  thoughts. When you don't release this
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  stuff that you're going through, you're absolutely planting it.
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  You're planting the seed to grow, to grow later on, to think
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  about them later on, to miss them later on.
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  And a lot of times, y'all, let's be real, sometimes you miss them
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  because you might be lonely. Damn, you might be lonely.
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  Shit, let's be real, be real, be real.
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  You might just be lonely and that's OK.
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  It's OK. How I'm just telling you it's OK
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  to feel lonely and to be sad. I promise you it is.
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  But I tell that I say that to say this, understand that you
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  like being a lonely and being comfortable being alone means
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  that you, you have the ability to be happy by yourself before
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  you hop into another relationship, right before you
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  hop into something else. Because I'm not trying to scare
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  you, but you can find a worse person.
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  There are worse people out there than your narcissistic ex.
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  I know you're like, well, damn, that's hard for me to believe.
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  I promise you there are worse people out there than your
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  narcissistic ex. Like seriously.
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  And you be like, damn it, I found them all Lee.
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  I found them. I'm catching them like Pokémon.
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  Please help me. I'm not ass catch em.
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  I don't want to catch any more Pokémon.
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  So as you're healing, as you're growing, as you're moving
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  forward on your own this journey, understand that you are
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  doing the right thing by moving forward.
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  When you're feeling it alone, when you're feeling like the
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  world is against you, when you feel like your heart is in your
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  your heart is in your throat or in your stomach, when you're
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  feeling bad, understand that this is what healing feels like.
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  Healing is not always going to be easy healing and growth.
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  Sometimes I require a little bit of pain.
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  It's going to hurt, y'all. It's going to hurt a little bit.
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  It's going to hurt a little bit. It really is.
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  It's going to hurt just a little bit, you know.
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  But when you get through, when you burst through for good,
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  damn, it's going to feel so good.
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  Whoa, you going to feel so damn amazing.
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  You're going to feel great, I promise you, but as long as you
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  allow yourself to keep moving forward, as long as you're
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  allowing yourself to heal and just be on this journey y'all, I
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  promise you it does get better. Clarity kills narcissism.
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  Be safe y'all. Think I'm tuned into another
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  episode. I appreciate everything going to
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  y'all. Hit that subscribe button for my
• 13:43
  wife. And if always y'all, as always,
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  mental illness is out. Peace.
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  What's going on? Beautiful folks.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, hit that subscribe button.
• 13:57
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
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  It really does help the channel y'all y'all?
• 14:02
  It helps me reach more people as well.
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  Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 14:07
  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
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  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
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  I appreciate it. I'm out.