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YOUR LAST WORDS · The Karen Kenney Show

• 0:01
  Karen Kenney: Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. Um, so today, today I'm going to be talking about something maybe a little bit more serious, like not going to
• 0:13
  be a wicked Debbie downer, but there's just, there's something I that's been on my mind. It's been on my mind for a variety of reasons, and I want to share it with you,
• 0:24
  because you guys are the ones I kind of talk to about these things, right? Always, like I said, always trying to kind of share what's on my mind, what's on my hat, and hopefully,
• 0:34
  in some way, also be helpful and maybe get you to think a little bit differently about something, to be curious in a new way, to maybe take action or make change somewhere
• 0:46
  in your life, or whatever, you know, but the time I have left on the planet, hopefully I'm not wasting anybody's time. I'm doing something helpful. But I've been thinking
• 0:54
  about death, you know, a lot lately, and this episode isn't so much going to be about death that way. That's a whole other thing, because I know so many people have a lot of
• 1:04
  fear around it. I mean, I was exposed to death at a very young age, so my relationship might be a little bit different, but it's this idea of if we were
• 1:18
  to pass like, if I were to like, walk down those knock on wood, okay, but I always like to walk down those stairs to go downstairs say goodbye to my sweeties he's leaving for
• 1:25
  his gig. And like, I trip and fall and like, crack my head, and that's it done, right? I often think about these scenarios, and I write about this in my memoir too, but I've
• 1:36
  been thinking about death, like I said, for a couple of different reasons, some diagnosis that some friends have, some childhood friends have gotten. Just people,
• 1:46
  of course, in the work that I do, I often talk to people who are grieving or going through a grieving process of some kind, somebody they lost, etc. But a lot of this,
• 1:57
  too is also coming for us. I'm rewatching a show. So there's a great show, a fantastic show, I think it's on Apple TV, and it's called shrinking, and it's about this group
• 2:07
  of therapists and their relationships and stuff like that. And one of the main characters I'm re watching the show, I should say, because my sweetie hadn't seen
• 2:16
  it yet, and I watched it all the way through, and they're coming out with the second season. And I said to him, I think you'll like this show. The writing's wicked
• 2:23
  good. The writing is done by a couple of the writers from Ted lasso, I don't mean Bill Lawrence, and the guy who plays the one who's always swearing, Oi. So the writing is
• 2:38
  fantastic. It's so good. But anyways, the main character of that show, his wife has died. In their last communication, they were upset with each other. They were mad with
• 2:51
  each other, and this is, in its own ways, a little bit complicating for his grief. It's actually a wicked funny show, pies to sudo. It's really funny. It's a great it's just a
• 3:03
  fantastic show. But I've been thinking about this a lot this, you know how I always say at the end of the show, right, leave people better than how you found them. And I
• 3:14
  started thinking to myself the other day on a walk, what if your last communication with somebody, right? Is like, what if the the last text that you sent to whoever, your
• 3:27
  sister, your cousin, your sweetie, your brother, your mother, a co worker, whatever email, whatever, whatever, imagine, whatever, the last few communications that
• 3:36
  you have sent to people, what if they were your very last like, That's it, like they never hear from you again. Because, hello, your time has come. The clock, the grains of
• 3:50
  sand have gone through, right? Your little clock, and you're like, out done. The body has been returned, right? The body that we wear as a costume, right? The potty is over.
• 4:00
  You got to return the body to the costume shop, right? Time has come. You might continue on in spirit form. But I think about this a lot like when I'm texting with
• 4:10
  somebody that I love, when I'm texting with a client or a sibling or my sweetie or my best friends or whatever, right? I'm often thinking of myself God, like, God forbid,
• 4:22
  knock on wood, right? Like, if this should be my last time on Earth, like, if, like I said, if something God Bish happened me and I dropped dead. I got hit on the head. I
• 4:32
  fall down the stairs, hit by a bus, like, whatever could happen to me, right? Like, Choke, choke on something. There's 1000 ways to die, right? It's probably millions of
• 4:41
  ways. But I think, will my last communication with them be reflective of, reflective of how I really feel about them, how much I really care about them? You know,
• 4:56
  the one of the great things that I'll say about my sweetie and i is, first of all. We don't really fight that often. Yeah, we get on each other's nerves. We've lived together
• 5:03
  for like, 18 years, 1718, years. Once in a while, we might get a little on each other's nerves, but we don't fight. You know, we don't fight. We have a deep respect and love
• 5:12
  and and a deep friendship, like I would, even if we weren't hitched, even if we weren't together, I would still really, really like him. Have you met him? He's
• 5:21
  wicked cute. I love him. He's my best friend, you know, and but the reason why I'm telling you this is like, we don't stay mad at each other. We don't we've never gone to
• 5:33
  bed. I think angry. We talk about things, and this isn't like, Oh, I'm tooting my own horn, like, oh, we so special. I don't mean that. I think both of us, right? Both of us
• 5:43
  have dealt, dealt with death. At a really young age. We lost people who were significant to us. And I think there's something that happens when you get a little
• 5:52
  wired to understanding that, like, no time is given to us, no time is guaranteed. And so these days, as I'm getting older, like, right? I'm about to turn 56 leaving double
• 6:03
  nickels and heading into 56 and I'm just really aware of how, and I don't mean precious in that kind of like, you know, those freaking Precious Moments figurines.
• 6:16
  I'm not trying to be mean, if you're somebody who collects them, or your grandmother, your mother, or whatever you collect them. If you love those things, have
• 6:23
  at it, enjoy them. But you know how some things just feel a little too precious, like those, those little figurines, feel a little too precious to me sometimes, but I don't
• 6:31
  mean precious in that way, but the fact that we get to spend the time that we do with each other, and yeah, you know, sometimes we're gonna butt heads and we're gonna lock
• 6:43
  horns and we're gonna have struggles and we're gonna be like and like this, you know, it's not always gonna go smooth, and there's gonna be some people that you know you're
• 6:51
  not doing forgiveness work with. You're just like, fucking beat it. I'm done with you, right? You're disenfranchised. You no longer communicate with them. I'm not talking about
• 7:01
  those people, right, that that's a whole of the show. I'm talking about like the people that you actually do care about and do want in your life and do want to have a
• 7:12
  relationship with, and that you do care about, wanting them to know how you feel about them. We can't always control how they feel back about us. But so here's just a
• 7:27
  list of going to be a short episode, because I just wanted you to if you're up for the challenge, right? You guys know I've talked about this before, how when I work one to
• 7:36
  one with people in spiritual mentoring and stuff, if I notice something that is going on, right that I'm thinking, like, oh, this might be interesting. This might be
• 7:44
  something we want to look at, or, you know, whatever, I'll often say to them, do you accept the challenge? I don't even tell them what the challenge is first, so I'm kind of
• 7:54
  doing that to you right now, dear listener, do you accept the challenge? And if you accept the challenge, here's what the challenge is. I hope you say yes. I want you
• 8:03
  to try to move through the world over the next, whatever, three, four days, week, whatever it is, and be really mindful of the quality of your tone of voice, what you're
• 8:15
  writing or texting or emailing to people, what you're saying to people, are you truly leaving them better, right than how you found them? Are your words reflective of how
• 8:28
  you feel about them? Like are you able? I'm going to do a whole podcast episode on this at some point, but are you able to hold two things to be true at the same time, which
• 8:37
  might be right now I'm upset with you, but it's important that you know that I still love you like, hey. We might be butting heads about this thing right now, but I want
• 8:46
  you to know I respect you and I care about you and I love you. Do we have the emotional intelligence and maturity to be able to disagree or to communicate? You know what
• 9:04
  we're truly feeling. Are we able to be vulnerable? Are we able to create intimacy, like if you were to go through your phone or your emails or think about your phone
• 9:14
  conversations or your boxes or your whatsapp, however you're communicating with people, do you feel like the last things that you've said to them were reflective of
• 9:25
  how you truly feel like if they never, ever, ever, ever, ever heard from you again, what are you leaving them with? What is the impression or the imprint
• 9:38
  that they're going to associate with your last words. I have known many people, many people throughout my lifetime who you know somebody walked out the door or got in the
• 9:50
  car or got on the flight or did whatever, never, because you never think it's going to happen to you. You never think trauma and tragedy and unexpected death or violence is
• 9:59
  going to happen to you. Were yours, right? I shouldn't say never, but we really don't. You know why we say never, because we don't like to think about it. We don't like to
• 10:06
  think about it right, because it's too fucking scary and awful and just crazy making right to think about it. And I know parents do think about these things. I have
• 10:17
  plenty of friends who have children. They're like, Oh my God. You know you can see it online every time a kid gets a license and their parents are like, Oh my God. Like, I'm
• 10:24
  gripping my head right now, right? Like, oh my God, because we know the danger level has now just gone up that shit can go wrong, right? So this is my point. As you go
• 10:36
  throughout the next 3456, whatever, and maybe you'll make it a habit that you start to let your words, your communication, to be truly reflective of what's in your hat to so
• 10:52
  if God forbid, the last communication that somebody gets from you is that last text you sent, or that last email, that last voice memo, or whatever it is, that you've said
• 11:06
  what you need to say, and you've let them know how you truly feel, even if there is a little like static or conflict or stickiness in that moment, because I've known a lot of
• 11:17
  people as I was starting to say, where somebody walked out that door got on that flight, or got in that car, and, you know, they didn't get to say the final thing, or
• 11:30
  the final thing that they said, that guilt that regret is still eating away at them and trying to make peace about some of those things. And, you know, because it was
• 11:40
  recently just 911 and I went back and I look, there's a few videos that I look at and that I post every year, and there's that story that every year I just think, like,
• 11:53
  Oh, my God. You know the guy that sent that voice message to his wife on the answering machine back then the answering machines, right? When he said, you know, like, Hey,
• 12:04
  babe, it's me. I'm on a flight. It's been hijacked. Things are not looking good. I just want you to know if this, you know, doesn't turn out well, I'm paraphrasing that
• 12:14
  I love you, and I really want you to have a great life. And, oh God, like when I just think about, when I think about that he had the wherewithal, and he was so calm, his
• 12:27
  voice was so calm, but the fact that he had the wherewithal to like, be able to leave that message, and what, what a powerful thing I mean at the time, of course, awful,
• 12:38
  awful, but for her To be able to go back. And I think about that sometimes, just selfishly, I think about that how, you know, we had tape recorders and stuff back then. I
• 12:52
  don't know if in 1981 we didn't have it. Did we have answering machines in 1981 but I know that I don't have my mother's voice. I might have one tiny cassette, you know,
• 13:04
  those, because she, you know, she was an insurance underwriter, she was an insurance agent. And I know that I have one. I have one little tape. I don't think her voice is
• 13:12
  on it. I don't have a small tape player anymore. Might have to try to find one old school so I can play through it. But I know she was at a sticks concert. The last
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  concert she ever went to. She went with my sister, was sticks, and I know that there's music on it. I don't know if her voice is anywhere on it, but my point is this, you
• 13:30
  guys, I remember my very last communication with her. It's in my memoir. I write about it, you know, in the final chapter, the closing scene, and I remember exactly what
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  she said to me, you know, and I think back about it now, and I think, well, I have those words. I can hold on to those words. And I just think like, I think it's a
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  powerful and it's also a responsible thing to take ownership of the way that we're communicating and to leave people, to leave people with language and words where, like I
• 14:04
  said, they know that you care. They know that you saw them, that you got them, that you love them, that you care about them. So notice the quality of your communications.
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  And you know, maybe there's somebody that you haven't told in a long time that you miss them or you're thinking about them. So this can be a fantastic opportunity, you
• 14:27
  know, to do that. And I want my words to be reflective. You know, once in a while, I just send an email out to people just saying, like, hey, you know, I'm thinking
• 14:36
  about you, and I genuinely mean it like I truly am, like, I spend a lot of time thinking about the people who are in the nest, my group, mentoring program, people
• 14:46
  who like did this challenge that is just wrapping itself up now, the my good, beautiful, holy challenge, all the people I've worked with, one to one, my yoga
• 14:54
  students, my coworkers, my sweetie, my family. I think about I think about people a lot. Right? And I think, like, Man, if I were to just disappear right now, like, if,
• 15:04
  God forbid, again, not knock on wood. Hopefully I stay healthy for another 40 years. But if something happened to me, would they know? Would they know how much I
• 15:12
  cared? Would they know that I really did my best? Me as a kid, I was, you know, screw up kind of a little bit, but I've tried to get better every year. You know, I try to get
• 15:23
  better every year, but I hope that I have been forthright and forthcoming and that I spoke the contents of my hat, or I wrote it down somewhere, or that they knew, do people
• 15:38
  really get it? Do they? Do they feel it? Are they? I can't control whether they feel worthy enough to receive it. Right? Not everybody is great at receiving love,
• 15:48
  hopefully, and that's one of the things we work on in the nest, also, because that's something I've had to work on, is to really get better I'm great at giving love, getting
• 15:57
  better at receiving it, my nervous system. Because, you know, for the nervous system, even though it always wants to feel safe, sometimes, sometimes what's safe doesn't
• 16:07
  feel safe because you weren't used to it, right? So, yeah, I mean, I'm just gonna, if I'll keep talking, but I'm just gonna be reiterating everything I just said. That's
• 16:16
  kind of the challenge, that's kind of the thing, that's the invitation. I don't even have to see it as a challenge. I say challenge because it's funny to me, but like
• 16:22
  that's the invitation to really be vigilant for the quality of your words, your words and your actions, and what you're leaving people with, right? We want to leave people
• 16:34
  better, but what are you also leaving behind? Right? What is going to be the legacy of your quality of communication? So this might be not a great opportunity to,
• 16:44
  like, pause and scroll through your phone or check your inbox or think about, yeah, when's the last time I picked up the phone and called that person? You know, I really
• 16:52
  think, man, people can say whatever they want to say. I'm taking a little, like, a little detour right here for a moment, and we'll be back in a second. Our regularly
• 17:04
  scheduled program will be back in a moment. But people can say whatever they want to say about AI and everything becoming more efficient and everything like, Fuck AI.
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  Like, I seriously. Like, I have so many, I have so many thoughts about it, especially when it comes to like, the ads, when it comes to communication and connection with
• 17:23
  humans, I feel like people can AI all day long, but it's soulless. It's it's soulless, it's heartless. It doesn't have the thump, the hot beat, the energy, the warmth right,
• 17:36
  the blood cursing through the veins. This is what I feel when I say, like, pick up the phone. I know some of the younger generations, like, freak out, like, Oh my
• 17:45
  God, why are you calling me? I think that there's going to be a rebound. I would like to think. I would like to think, and I hope to think that we are going to start doing
• 17:55
  more in person. We are going to start coming. I think we're going to have to, at some point, circle back around, or we're all going to end up kind of like robotic and
• 18:03
  there's a reason why we have a loneliness epidemic. There's a reason why people, the suicide rates are higher than ever, the depression and anxiety rates are higher than
• 18:12
  Eva. We need some good, old fashioned connection and hugs and warm, blooded interactions, right? I think the human and even me as a spiritual, spiritual teacher,
• 18:23
  quote, unquote, right? It's like I'm all about the divine, like I love that I'm a spiritual being. But we cannot, we cannot downplay the impact and the power of the
• 18:32
  human experience, and while we're here in these bodies, in the illusion, going through earth, classroom, right, this big classroom and experiment that we are in right now.
• 18:41
  Man, do we all just kind of need each other, you know, and so why not? Why not extend compassion and kindness and and words that uplift rather than tear down? And I think
• 18:55
  this is important, and I think that human element, we're going to need it more and more and more and more and more. And you know, I hope I'm right. I hope I'm right,
• 19:07
  and I don't mean it from an ego point of view, like, Sure, AI can maybe do a few things faster and better, but it cannot replace us. It cannot take the place of what
• 19:20
  it feels like to get a hug from another human being, or to be able to put your head on somebody's shoulder, or hold hands, or to feel the embrace of somebody you haven't
• 19:30
  seen in a long time, and to hear to hear the tone of somebody's voice, to be able to hear the timbre of of you know,
• 19:37
  somebody who loves voice like that just can't they're trying to replicate it. They're trying to, like, deep fake some videos and shit like that. But I'm just
• 19:45
  telling you, there's the power of human love. It is it is it is miraculous. So I guess I'm gonna end there. I'm looking at my glow in the dark. Jesus, I just looked down
• 19:59
  and. I'm looking at my little self love license that my friend Katie, she makes a inner child ID, right? These cards, inner child id.com, get one. I was just looking at
• 20:10
  little, little picture of little me as a little kid when I was, like, three or four here. Oh, my God. I was looking down at that my glow in the dark, Jesus. And I think glow
• 20:18
  in the dark Jesus is like, yeah, he's he's digging. He's digging today's podcast episode, because that's the thing, right? Jesus told us love each other, man, love
• 20:28
  each other. Love the younger versions of you. Love you now, doing your best. Love love the animals, love the people, love your neighbors, right? And spread the good word.
• 20:38
  Spread the Love, alright? That's what I got for you right now, wherever you go. I hope this was helpful in some way. I hope it landed in your heart in some way. I hope it
• 20:45
  inspires you. And look, if you do, if you listen to this, and you're like, hey, you know what? KK, I'm gonna, I'm gonna really do this. I love to hear from you guys,
• 20:52
  right? You're not a bother. I want to know what you're up to. I want to know that the things that land and speak to you, and then if you take action on them. I find that
• 21:01
  really fun and exciting. And, you know, that's the energy exchange. Sometimes it's like, if I'm, you know, pouring out the, you know, the podcast, it's nice to actually
• 21:09
  know that they're landing and making a difference. So please don't be afraid to, you know, reflect back to me. Oh, I love that podcast, right? Heard that episode. I
• 21:17
  shared it with a friend, or I did this, or X, Y and Z. That's kind of the the flow, the back and forth. You know, also know that we can spend more time together, more up close
• 21:28
  in the nest. Karen kenney.com/nest my spiritual group, mentoring community and program. It's so fantastic. The people in there, amazing. Of course, always. You can
• 21:39
  get on my list, Karen kenney.com/sign up. And obviously listening to this podcast means a lot to me. So I appreciate your support there. And then also the tip jar.
• 21:49
  You can always leave a little like love, little love donation from your hat to my to my hat, from your hat maybe to my bank account, I don't know, whatever, but you
• 21:57
  know what I'm saying. Oh, my God. And that's just Karen kenney.com/tip, cha. All right, you guys. I'm a little tired, I'm a little punchy, I'm gonna sign off, but thank you
• 22:07
  for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you. I can't always see you, right? You guys are looking at me, but just know, no I can I see you. I can feel you. I
• 22:17
  am blasting you with so much love, and I'm cheering you on. I'm cheering you on. And, yeah, I hope this was helpful in some way. All right, wherever you go, may you leave
• 22:29
  the people, the animals, the environment, the planet, yourself better than how you found it, wherever you go, may you be a blessing. Bye. You.