Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 33 - Getting Over Trauma Isn’t that Easy!

Transcript

Episode 33 - Getting Over Trauma Isn’t that Easy! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. Alright, welcome to
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Real Talk with Mike D. I am Mike D. Thank
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: you for being here and thank you for listening. Today
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about something that a lot of
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: people experience but not everybody understands. And that would be
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: past trauma. Past trauma from relationships. You know, people like
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to say things like, you need to get over it.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: That happened a long time ago. You can't keep living
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: in the past. Just move on. Well, let me tell
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you something. It doesn't work that way. Getting over trauma
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  Speaker 1: isn't like getting over a bad day. It's not like
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: getting over a breakup where you eventually delete the pictures,
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  Speaker 1: throw away the old stuff, listen to some angry music
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  Speaker 1: and say, I'm done. Trauma can stay with you. Sometimes
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: for years. Sometimes for decades. And sometimes something that happened
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: 20 years ago can still affect how you feel, how
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: you think, how you trust people, and how you react
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: to certain situations today. And that's what I want to
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: talk about because I think we need to stop telling
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: people that healing is easy because it's not. One of
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: the biggest misconceptions about trauma is that time automatically fixes everything.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: You know, people think, well, it happened 10 years ago,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: so you should be fine by now. Who the hell
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: decided that? Who put an expiration date on pain? Just
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: because something happened a long time ago doesn't mean the
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: impact disappeared. You can remember something from your childhood and
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: still feel the emotions associated with it as an adult.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You can experience something painful at 25 and still carry
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: parts of it at 40, 50, Or even 60. And
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: that doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. Sometimes
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: your mind knows you're safe. But your emotions haven't caught
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: up yet. And that's an important distinction. You can tell yourself,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I'm okay. But deep down, something may still be hurting.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Another thing people don't understand is that healing isn't a
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: straight line. You might think you're doing great. You're going
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: to work, you're laughing, you're spending time with friends, you're
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: enjoying life, and then suddenly something happens. A smell, a song,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: a place, a conversation, a date on a calendar. Something
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: reminds you of what happened, and suddenly those feelings come
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: rushing back. And you might think, why in the hell
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  Speaker 1: am I feeling like this again? I thought I was
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  Speaker 1: past all this. But that's not necessarily a setback. Healing
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  Speaker 1: doesn't mean you'll never remember. Healing means the memory doesn't
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: have to control your entire life. There will be good
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: days and there will be bad days. There will be
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: days when you feel strong and there will be days
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: when you don't. That's normal. Here's another problem. Trauma isn't
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: always visible. If I break my arm, you can see
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: the cast. If I have a physical injury, you can
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: see that I'm hurt. But emotional wounds don't come with
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: the cast. You can walk into work smiling while carrying
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: something incredibly painful inside. You can joke around with your
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: friends while struggling internally. You can tell everybody you're fine
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: because you don't know how to explain that you're not.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people mistake that silence for healing. Just because
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: someone isn't talking about their trauma doesn't mean they moved
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: past it. Sometimes they're simply trying to survive it quietly. Amen.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: And I really don't like that phrase, just move on.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Move on from what? The pain? The memory? The person?
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: The experience? You can't always just decide that something didn't
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: affect you. And pretending it didn't happen isn't the same
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  Speaker 1: thing as healing. Sometimes you have to acknowledge what happened.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: You have to admit, yeah, that hurt me. Yeah, that
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  Speaker 1: changed me. Yeah, I'm still dealing with it. And yes,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I'm still pissed off. And there's nothing shameful about saying that.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: In fact, sometimes admitting that you're hurting is the strongest
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: thing you can do. Trauma can also affect relationships. Maybe
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: you have trouble trusting people. Maybe you expect people to leave.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe you constantly worry that somebody is going to hurt you.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe you push people away before they get the opportunity
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: to hurt you. Maybe you have a hard time accepting
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: love because part of you is waiting for the other
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: shoe to drop. And someone on the outside might say,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: why don't you just trust me? Well, if it were
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  Speaker 1: that easy, wouldn't you? Trust isn't something you can force.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it has to be rebuilt slowly. And that's okay.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You don't owe everybody immediate access to your heart. People
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: may have to show you through their actions that they're safe.
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  Speaker 1: And here's something else I think we need to remember.
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  Speaker 1: Your trauma doesn't have to be worse than somebody else's
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  Speaker 1: trauma to matter. Sometimes people say, well, other people have
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: been through worse. That doesn't make your experience meaningless. Pain
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  Speaker 1: isn't a fucking competition. You don't have to win the
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: who suffered the most contest. If something hurt you, it
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  Speaker 1: hurt you. Period. End of story. Your healing is your healing.
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  Speaker 1: Don't compare your timeline to somebody else's. You don't know
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: what someone else is carrying and they don't know everything
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  Speaker 1: you're carrying either. You know, I think one of the
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: most important things I can say today is you're allowed
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: to take your time. You don't have to heal on
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  Speaker 1: somebody else's schedule. You don't have to be okay because
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: somebody else thinks you should be. You don't have to
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: apologize for still having difficult days. But you also don't
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: have to stay trapped in your past forever. There's a
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: difference between acknowledging your past and allowing your past to
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: define your entire future. What happened to you may be
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: part of your story, but it does not have to
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: be the ending of your story. And I love that.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It does not have to be the ending of your story.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Because it doesn't. Everybody's had bad relationships. Everybody's had failed relationships.
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  Speaker 1: And some people may have experienced trauma. I have experienced trauma.
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  Speaker 1: Not once, but twice. And it is extremely hard for
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  Speaker 1: me to trust people. It's extremely hard for me to
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  Speaker 1: open my heart. Because I'm always fearful of getting hurt.
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  Speaker 1: But anyhow, I'm going to leave you with that. I
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  Speaker 1: greatly appreciate you listening. I greatly appreciate you being here.
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  Speaker 1: And as always, I will see you all on the
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: next episode. So