Latest / Chapel Talks / How Do I Find My Voice as a Woman? | Sharon Dirckx | Find Your Voice 2025

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How Do I Find My Voice as a Woman? | Sharon Dirckx | Find Your Voice 2025 · Chapel Talks

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I want to also welcome people who are listening
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online to this talk. You're very welcome. I hope
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you've had a good session in your groups as well
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online. And I want to begin by thinking about
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Emily Scarrett. I don't know if any of you here
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are into women's rugby. Any rugby fans here?
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Yay, at the back there. Fantastic. Well, I was
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listening to Emily Scarrett be interviewed. She
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was the first England rugby player to play at
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five World Cups, and she announced her retirement
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just a couple of days after the women won the
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World Cup in September. And she was interviewed
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on the Today programme, sharing some of her story.
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I searched high and low to try and get the recording
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back, but it had gone off iPlayer. Anyway, she
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was saying that for many years she felt like
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she didn't fit in as a woman. She was playing
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rugby mostly with guys until about the age of
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14 when actually you have to move to playing
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with women, of which there weren't many when
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she started out in the early 2000s. But actually
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discovering women's rugby for her felt a bit
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like coming home. like she could be herself.
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Because, you know, growing up felt a pressure
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to look a certain way, to be a certain way, to
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sound a certain way, and to feel like you don't
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quite fit the mould. But to find women's rugby
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was like coming home. There was no need to be
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ashamed about who she was and who she'd been
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made to be. There was a freedom to be herself.
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And she got emotional about this on Radio 4 Today
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programme. not a place where you normally expect
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a lot of emotion. And in fact, it was by being
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herself that she became the fantastic rugby player
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that she was. Now, we are here as women to find
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our own voice as speakers. And it sometimes can
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feel like we need to fit a certain mold. Sometimes
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we can easily, and I think women are particularly
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susceptible to comparison. You know, it's hard
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enough to get going as a woman speaker and then
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you get going and then there's all the comparison.
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Maybe I need to sound a certain way or include
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a particular kind of content or speak with a
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particular personality or style or be like X
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or Y person over here. Well, you know, the people
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that will hear you speak this Christmas time
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and hopefully beyond, hopefully this is just
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the beginning. They don't need a duplicate voice
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of somebody else. They need your voice. They
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need to hear your voice. Because as Oscar Wilde
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put it, be yourself. Everyone else is already
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taken. You know, I was told very early on as
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I set out in speaking, spent a year at Wycliffe
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Hall, I was told that the way that we will be
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most effective in ministry is not by trying to
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be like someone else, not by trying to be who
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you feel you should be or who you'd quite like
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to be, but actually the way you will be most
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effective in ministry is by being yourself, by
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being... The person that God has made you to
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be, the person that God is continuing to shape
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you to be. You have a particular voice shaped
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by your particular background, your particular
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story, your personality, the things you are passionate
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about, your journey to faith in Jesus, your professional
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training and skills. And the blend of all of
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those things is utterly unique to you. And that
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will form the voice that you have. And so the
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question is, how do I find my own voice? Now,
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I'm not as tech savvy as Christy, but I'm going
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to have a go at a little bit of interaction here.
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What are some of the barriers that we face to
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finding our own voice? Now, I'm a little bit
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more constrained in the options. But if you scan
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that QR code, you will find some options on barriers
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that we face in finding our own voice. Not enough
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time to prepare. Lack of confidence. Am I good
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enough? Am I qualified? Unqualified. Uncertainty.
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Should I be doing this? Should I have been given
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a voice? Not enough opportunities. Persevering
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takes too much emotional energy or lack of role
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models. Now, there will be other options, but
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that perhaps gives us something to think about.
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I'll just wait for a few minutes. Seeing the
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predominant one being lack of confidence. Am
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I good enough? Am I qualified? And not enough
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opportunities. Emotional energy, it's a real
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barrier, absolutely. Lack of time and uncertainty,
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whether we should be doing this or lower down.
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Lack of role models, lower, which is encouraging.
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that there are growing numbers of role models.
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And the more that this ministry develops, there'll
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be more and more role models as well. Great.
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Thank you so much for responding to that. There
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are barriers that we face. And it was great to
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hear Chrissie address many of those earlier in
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terms of knowing whether or not our talk is good
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enough. I want to begin by framing some of the
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things I want to say in the words of Jesus. And
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I was reminded of the way that he called the
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first disciples from Matthew chapter 4, verses
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18 to 20. As Jesus was walking beside the Sea
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of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called
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Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting
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a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.
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Come, follow me. Jesus said, and I will send
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you out to fish for people. At once they left
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their nets and followed him. Here we have this
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extraordinary scene where we're reminded that
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the God who has come to save the whole human
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race here is focused on two individuals, Simon
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and Andrew. And I want to look at these words,
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come follow me and I will send you out to fish
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for people, in reverse. Firstly, I will send
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you out. The way to be effective in the kingdom
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of God is to be yourself. I will send you out
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to fish for people, not someone else, not this
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other person down the road, but you. I'm sending
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you. And I'm sending you as you, not you, you
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know, in some future form. But now I am sending
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you. But of course, we know that we're all still
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works in progress as well. And so the way to
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increasingly become yourself, the way to increasingly
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become you is to follow Jesus. Come follow me
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and I will. So at the centre of finding our voice
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is wholehearted devotion to Jesus. How do we
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find our voice? By proximity. to the one who
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made us, the one who has shaped us to be who
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we are today, and the one who continues to shape
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us and transform us as well. We find our voice
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in close proximity to Jesus, in spending time
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with him, in listening to his words. The more
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we are changed, the more we are sanctified, the
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more we become who we're meant to be. It is sin
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that gets in the way of us being ourselves. And
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the more we become ourselves, the more we find
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our voice. So what does it mean for you today
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to be reminded of the call of Jesus to come follow
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me? What does that mean for you today? In what
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ways do you delight to follow Jesus? In what
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ways do you struggle? Which parts of life do
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you gladly and freely? Give to the Lord. And
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which parts do you hold on to? So an integral
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part of finding our voice is in closeness to
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Jesus and in openness to the transforming work
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that he wants to do in our lives. But let's think
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more practically now. Voice can mean different
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things. It can mean different. And so I've been
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thinking particularly, I don't know, next slide,
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James, if you, thank you. Voice can mean what
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we say, it can mean who we say it to, and it
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can mean how we say it. Your voice is a blend
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of the content and the audience and the style
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in which you present. So firstly, what we speak
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about. Let's think about that for a few minutes.
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Firstly, know what you want to say. In order
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to find your voice, know your thoughts. Know
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what is it that you want to say, what is it that
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God has put on your heart to say. And for some
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people, actually, they have a life message. Like
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God's put something on their heart and that's
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going to consume their whole life. That is the
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message. That's what God's given you to say.
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And you will say it in so many different contexts
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of so many different kinds of people. And then
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there's what God's given you for each individual
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talk. You know, you're all feeling relieved to
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have practiced your talks. And every talk is
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a kind of, what is it that I want to say? What
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is it that God wants me to say? And it's really
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important to know what you want to say. And,
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you know, one of the points I'll make later on
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is that we learn far more from our mistakes than
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from our successes. And one of the really formative
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times for me was actually I learned to preach
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at Wycliffe Hall in 2004. I gave my first talk
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to people who weren't Christians. like Easter
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of 2005. And the first talk went really well.
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It was in the sort of preparation for going out
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on this mission week that Michael Green was leading.
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The first talk went really well and I was all
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kind of buoyed up and happy and great. The second
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talk that I gave a few months later was like
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the worst talk that I've ever given in my life.
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And I basically lost track. I lost my way during
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this talk. And it was a fantastic talk. It was
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one of those where I just wanted to crawl under
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a rock and quietly die. Or the ground swallow
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me up. Just forget about this even trying to
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talk to people business. What I had to do was
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go now and sleep on the floor of an undergrad
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student in their student house so that we could
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have lovely conversations about Jesus for the
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next half a week. But actually that forced me
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back out. Perhaps I would have retreated and
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never returned if I hadn't had to do that. But
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I needed to be clearer on what I wanted to say.
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so that I didn't lose my way. So what is it that
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you want to say? Secondly, try different things.
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Know that there are different tools at your disposal.
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We find our voice knowing that we've got different
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tools that we can deploy and engage and become
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really skilled at doing that. You know, there
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are lots of different angles on the Christmas
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story. The Christmas story could be told through
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the lens of journey and migration about the God
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who has left his home for our sake. It's a story
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of relationality about God who called. comes
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alongside us and calls us into relationship.
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It could be done through the lens of surprises.
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There's a lot of surprises in the Christmas story.
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Or it could be through a scientific lens, you
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know, the extreme unlikelihood of all the miracles.
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There's no one way to tell the Christmas story.
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It's beautiful and multifaceted. And so finding
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our voice is knowing that we have a range of
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tools in your toolkit. And discerning the right
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ones to use on each occasion. Try different things.
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There may even be a particular angle in the Christmas
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story that you don't hear mentioned very much,
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but that really resonate with you. And actually
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maybe growing and developing these will be part
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of you finding your voice. You know, people are
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not telling it from this angle. Let me do that.
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And I can't remember the theologian that said
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this, but there are so many different ways to
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share the gospel. The gospel is like a diamond
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and you can shine light on it on so many different
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ways. You know, the gospel is about justice.
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The gospel is about victory over evil. It's about
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love. It's about sacrifice instead of selfish
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gain. It's about the defeat of curse and the
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release of blessing. And finding our voice is
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knowing the range of different ways we can shine
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light on the gospel. And that gives us freedom
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to think creatively and try different things.
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So try different things. And then thirdly, God
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may give you a, some of you, a particular voice
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into a particular field. So your voice might
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actually be very specific and very focused. It
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might be related to your profession, your professional
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training, your particular skills and background
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that qualify you in a way that other people aren't
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qualified actually. People here for whom, you
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know, there are people you can reach that others
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can't. And so we need your voice into that very
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particular field. And it will also perhaps be
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related to your story, your faith journey. You
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know, whether you became a Christian as a child
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or as an adult. or well into your professional
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life, and also your life experiences, the things
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that have happened to you both before becoming
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a Christian and since. These all influence the
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kind of voice that we might have. So, for example,
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for me, some key things that have influenced
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the kind of voice that I... have had is that,
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well, I became a Christian as an adult, as a
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student at university. And so I can remember
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what it was like to not believe in God. And so
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that has really formed and forged the kind of
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voice that I have. I always speak, apart from
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when I'm speaking to a room of Christian women,
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always speak and write to unbelievers, write
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as if there are people in the room who do not
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know what they believe, because I can remember
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what it was like to not believe. Also, I've had
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a background in science and brain imaging, so
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I speak quite a lot about mind and brain, sometimes
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get wheeled out for the God and science talk
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in university missions. Also, my husband has
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had health struggles, which is partly what led
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me to write my first book on suffering that came
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out of a place of suffering and trying to make
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sense of it. And so our life experiences, our
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faith journey, our profession might influence
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the particular voice that God is giving us. Secondly,
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who we speak to. Who are the people that you
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can most connect with? Some people. We'll have
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a voice like that of the Apostle Paul, I've become
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all things to all people so that by all possible
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means I might save some. Some people have a wide
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voice, a voice to a wide range of people. Other
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people's voice might be to a very specific audience,
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I guess connected to the particular skills and
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life experiences that we talked about in the
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last section. Your voice might be related to
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the particular profession or life stage or journey
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or something that you're passionate about. What
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are you passionate about? Are there causes, are
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there charities that you are passionate about?
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There might be those that actually have a particular
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voice to children or young people or mums at
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the school gate. There might be those of you
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that have a particular voice to PhD students
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or teachers or people in research. There might
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be those of you that have a particular voice
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to people struggling and journeying with neurodiversity
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because of the influence that's had on you. There
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are any number of examples that we can give,
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but who is it that we can most connect with?
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Are there people that we are actually uniquely
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honed? to connect with. That will influence the
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kind of voice that we have. God may give us a
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voice for certain audiences. And you know, one
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of the reasons why it's really important that
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ministries like this exist is because often women
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are best placed to communicate and connect with
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other women. You know, we know the struggles,
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the challenges, the joys, the shared experiences
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of being a woman in this world. And so we need
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women to connect with women. I'm really fascinated
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and I haven't looked into it. I don't know. I've
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seen you hint about this on social media, but
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in the Quiet Revival data, there's a lot of talk
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about Gen Z men, especially being drawn to church.
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But what about Gen Z women? Why are they not
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as drawn to church as Gen Z men? And that's worth
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looking into. And probably for sure we need more
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Gen Z women speakers to reach Gen Z women. Let's
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not feel the need to wait until we're older or
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more mature. Wisdom actually is a part of the
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kingdom of God and that transcends age. Don't
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let anyone look down on you because you're young.
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We need your voice. And thirdly, sorry, I should
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have put this one up earlier. How we speak, our
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communication style, and this differs between
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people. Some people are natural storytellers.
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Other people love argument and reason and evidence.
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Some use a lot of humor. Thinking about someone
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like J. John at the moment, you know, really
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effective communication. And there are different
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styles. Some people speak very quickly. Some
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people speak more deliberately. Some people move
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around and are very animated. Others may stay
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still. Some like detailed notes. Others have
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a framework and they have bullet points and they
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let the precise words flow in the moment. My
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personal recommendation would be to use slightly
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more words earlier on. Yeah, sorry, that's this
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slide. Slightly more notes earlier on and then
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have a, you know, you can always shorten and
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loosen them later on. But we're all different,
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you know, there's no one way, there's no one
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style. I thought it might be helpful to show
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you even a slide of what I'm saying to you right
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now and what I've got in front of me as I speak
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to you. So I've got enough notes so that if my
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menopausal mind goes blank, I still know what
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to say, roughly, but not so much that I have
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to read it out from the page to you. And I find
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that to be helpful to me. You will need to find
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what works for you. I have my PowerPoints highlighted
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at the side so I know when to change it. So that's
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what works for me. And you'll get a sense of
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this is how long it takes me to speak through
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one side of A4 as well. So style. What is your
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style? What is your communication style? Don't
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feel embarrassed about the style that you have,
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even if it's different from other people. We
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need that style because there's all kinds of
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people out there in the world. And we need all
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kinds of people to reach a varied world. But
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as I close, things that are common to us all,
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that we communicate our style ought to be with
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gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience,
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but also of courage and confidence and boldness
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and actually self -belief, not an arrogance of,
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you know, I've got it all sorted and it's all
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in my own strength. I don't mean that by self
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-belief. I actually mean... God has opened a
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door for me here and he's given me something
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to say. And I'm going to say it and I'm going
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to say it with confidence, knowing that God has
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opened the door and he has given me a voice.
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For the spirit God gave us doesn't make us timid,
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but gives us power, love and self -discipline.
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Some questions to ponder then as we think about
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the kind of voice God might be giving us. What
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are the key aspects of your journey to faith?
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What life experiences have you had that others
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may connect with? What are you passionate about,
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interested in? Who are the people you can most
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connect with? Who are the communicators that
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inspire you? And finally, pray lots, persevere.
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As I said earlier, sadly, and it's so painful,
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we learn far more from our mistakes than our
23:35
successes. Try different things. Ask for feedback.
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Take as many opportunities as you can and keep
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going because finding your voice is a process
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and it takes time. As I close, why don't I pray?
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Lord Jesus, I thank you for each woman here and
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I thank you, Lord, that you have given them a
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voice and I pray that you would... enable them
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to continue to discern and to know the voice
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you've given them and to speak that voice, speak
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through the kind of voice that you are giving.
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Thank you, Lord, that you love us, that you are
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faithful, that you are with us. And please help
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us. Please continue to change us more and more
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into the likeness of Jesus Christ. And please
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use us according to your will. In Jesus' name.
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Amen.