Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The early warning signs of a manipulative person

Transcript

The early warning signs of a manipulative person · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So imagine this scenario right here.
• 0:02
  Y'all bear with me right here, right?
• 0:04
  You just got home from a first date.
• 0:06
  You're telling all your friends that this might be the one you
• 0:09
  might have met the love of your life.
• 0:11
  It's your look. It is only been one date.
• 0:15
  Like the conversation was effortless, like it flowed so
• 0:19
  smoothly, right? They liked everything that you
• 0:23
  liked. Y'all had such such similar
• 0:25
  interest. Y'all had the same quips, the
• 0:27
  same catch phrases. Y'all love the same movies.
• 0:31
  Like it felt like they were reading your mind or you were
• 0:34
  reading their mind. Y'all had.
• 0:35
  Yeah, lookout. Y'all had a first date mind
• 0:38
  meld, right? But there's a massive
• 0:40
  difference, y'all, between a soulmate and a mirror.
• 0:44
  And that's what we talk about today, y'all?
• 0:46
  As a diagnosed narcissist, I know exactly how to win a first
• 0:51
  date, exactly how to leave a lasting impression.
• 0:54
  They send you home. Look, they send you home with
• 0:56
  the butterflies flapping in your stomach and whatnot.
• 0:59
  I know how to make you feel like the center of the universe in 60
• 1:03
  minutes or less. 10 minutes? Give me 10 minutes.
• 1:05
  I got you right today, y'all. I want to tell you why the
• 1:09
  perfect first date is that perfect feeling is actually your
• 1:13
  biggest warning. Those butterflies in your
• 1:15
  stomach is not butterflies, it's anxiety.
• 1:18
  Right there was a warning sign that that this screaming is like
• 1:21
  a siren. The red flags are flagging.
• 1:23
  I'm going to tell you why y'all that you are falling for a
• 1:27
  narcissistic toxic person, right?
• 1:30
  Oh, I know y'all love that intro.
• 1:32
  Welcome me back like I never left.
• 1:34
  My energy is back. My love is back.
• 1:36
  Y'all. If you're new here, Lee Hammock,
• 1:37
  diagnose narcissist. I give you the perspective of a
• 1:40
  narcissist and breakdown relationship stuff y'all.
• 1:43
  So the first date with a narcissist or toxic person,
• 1:47
  whoever I or manipulate, let's call it manipulator.
• 1:49
  Let's use the word manipulator. The first date with a
• 1:52
  manipulator, it's like an interview.
• 1:55
  It really is like a job interview because you think, and
• 1:58
  you probably heard the word narcissist before, right?
• 2:00
  You, you think that narcissistic people, manipulators are just
• 2:03
  going to talk about themselves, right?
• 2:05
  They're so egotistical. They just that they're just
• 2:07
  going to talk about themselves. That's not always true.
• 2:12
  A lot of narcissists interview you, right?
• 2:14
  They will ask you a lot of questions and most people, most
• 2:19
  empathetic people, most people who are out here trying to find,
• 2:21
  find love. You're thinking that a person
• 2:24
  asking a lot of questions is interested in you, right?
• 2:26
  You think they want to get to know all about you.
• 2:29
  In the mind of a narcissist, they're they're analyzing you,
• 2:32
  right? They're analyzing every single
• 2:35
  thing about you. They're collecting data, they're
• 2:38
  collecting statistics on you and we're not so they can use to get
• 2:41
  to use against you later on. Your likes, your dislikes, your
• 2:46
  child, that your childhood trauma tell me a deep, dark
• 2:48
  secret that you never told anybody else.
• 2:51
  Tell you. I'll tell you one if you tell me
• 2:53
  one like a narcissistic person is not asking about your
• 2:58
  childhood because they care. It's going to sound like they
• 3:00
  care. It's going to feel like they
• 3:01
  care. Look, they might even shed a
• 3:02
  tear. You might be a little vulnerable
• 3:03
  one, right? They're not asking because they
• 3:05
  care. They're asking to see where
• 3:08
  you're vulnerable. They're asking about your
• 3:09
  vulnerabilities, right? They're looking for your,
• 3:12
  they're looking, they're looking for your empty spots so that
• 3:15
  they can feel them so they can make you feel safe.
• 3:17
  They're, they're looking for your biggest fears so that, so
• 3:20
  that they can try to make you feel safe.
• 3:22
  If they are doing 80% of the listening and asking deep
• 3:26
  personal questions on a first date about your past
• 3:29
  relationships, about your past relationships, your past
• 3:31
  traumas, anything. They are not just trying to get
• 3:34
  to know you. They're building a damn profile
• 3:37
  in their minds of you, like a, like a damn FBI agent profiling
• 3:40
  you, right? They're building a profile of
• 3:43
  you and what not. And this is what tends to
• 3:45
  happen. This what goes on.
• 3:47
  So you have to watch out y'all. That's what I tell people.
• 3:50
  Make people earn every bit of information that they get from
• 3:54
  you. Make sure that they are earning
• 3:56
  it. Make sure that they are earning
• 3:59
  it. Stop giving people the benefit
• 4:01
  of the doubt because you trust people.
• 4:03
  I think that there is good in everybody.
• 4:05
  There isn't some people are out there looking to hurt you.
• 4:10
  That's just the kid. That's just the truth right
• 4:11
  there. Not everybody.
• 4:13
  Out here is got your best intent, the best intentions for
• 4:16
  you in their minds and hearts. Some people are looking to hurt
• 4:18
  you. Some people are looking to take
• 4:20
  it from you. Some people are looking to just
• 4:21
  manipulate you and use you. Let's keep it hiding ready.
• 4:24
  That's what we do here like a little Caesar's pizza, right?
• 4:28
  Little Caesar pizza and guess what happens y'all?
• 4:30
  And guess what happens? Just be a lot of narcissistic
• 4:35
  people, right? What they'll do is they'll offer
• 4:38
  you some tidbits of information about themselves.
• 4:42
  They very rarely go extremely deep.
• 4:45
  What they'll do is offer you 10 bits of information about
• 4:49
  themselves in order to get you right, in order to get you to
• 4:53
  trust them right. Most, like I said, that's
• 4:54
  exactly what this is exactly what they'll do.
• 4:56
  They'll offer you 10 bits of information just to get you to
• 4:59
  trust them. So you got to watch out for the
• 5:01
  person that tells you a deep, dark secret of their own.
• 5:05
  Or try share, share some trauma with you before.
• 5:08
  Yeah, before y'all even got your drinks, before your appetizer
• 5:12
  even has been set down at the table, before the waiter or
• 5:15
  waitress has came down and talked to you.
• 5:17
  The the waiter. Look, the waiter had to
• 5:19
  introduce themselves and they just say, hey, look, let me tell
• 5:22
  you about my childhood trauma. Come on, man, come on.
• 5:29
  They they they want to make it seem like they trust you, but
• 5:33
  this isn't trust. It's damn near that.
• 5:36
  Yeah. It's like, it's like a damn
• 5:38
  loan. They're loaning out something to
• 5:41
  you and expecting more back. That's what a loan is, right?
• 5:44
  Very rarely do people give you a no interest loan.
• 5:46
  Look, just pay me back exactly what I'm offering you.
• 5:48
  No, they want more. There's interest.
• 5:50
  That's why they look. Payday loan.
• 5:52
  Look, I'll loan you this $300 and look, next week you pay me
• 5:56
  back. You pay me back 600.
• 5:57
  What? It's a payday loan with a high
• 6:00
  interest rate. They're predatory.
• 6:01
  These type of people are predatory, right?
• 6:04
  But they're giving you a piece of themselves and expecting a
• 6:08
  piece of you back, a larger piece.
• 6:10
  They want you to get deep beneath the surface.
• 6:13
  Don't you dare feel obligated to get too deep beneath the surface
• 6:17
  with a manipulator. Don't feel obligated to get too
• 6:20
  deep beneath the surface with a toxic narcissistic person.
• 6:23
  Do not feel that. Do do not do that.
• 6:25
  Y'all do not do that right there, because that doesn't help
• 6:28
  anybody out. I promise you it doesn't.
• 6:31
  It helps no one. It damn sure does.
• 6:33
  Doesn't help you, right? This is it.
• 6:35
  It's going to make you feel like you can trust each other, like
• 6:37
  I'm you. Oh, they trusted me with some
• 6:39
  trauma, so I'm going to trust them with some trauma.
• 6:41
  No, it what it what it really does in the situation.
• 6:44
  It creates a false sense of intimacy that hasn't been
• 6:48
  earned. Like a false sense of trust that
• 6:50
  hasn't been earned. You're giving them the benefit
• 6:52
  of the doubt without them having to earn the benefit of the
• 6:55
  doubt, right? They are trying to make you feel
• 6:58
  safe when you should absolutely be on your guard.
• 7:04
  Absolutely. You should absolutely be on your
• 7:06
  guard. They want to make you feel safe,
• 7:08
  but you got to be on your guard with a manipulator like this.
• 7:10
  You have to. You have to.
• 7:14
  Right and the crazy thing about it is the more the longer you
• 7:17
  talk to this person like you, you like let's just say you
• 7:19
  penciled, let's just say you penciled in an hour for this
• 7:22
  date, right? Y'all going to talk you this day
• 7:24
  is going to be an hour long. You like I'm going to go On this
• 7:26
  date for an hour. Right now you're talking for
• 7:28
  three hours and it because y'all have so much in common.
• 7:31
  If you say you like mountain climbing, guess what?
• 7:34
  They are mountain climber. If you say you love hiking in
• 7:37
  the woods, guess what? They love hiking in the woods.
• 7:40
  I just bought some mountain boots, right?
• 7:43
  I just bought some hiking shoes. You know, I bought some hocus.
• 7:46
  I got some on clouds in the closet just because they say
• 7:49
  that right there, right? But then guess what happens if
• 7:52
  you say you hate drama? You don't hang around a lot of
• 7:55
  people. Guess what?
• 7:57
  Me too. Me too, right?
• 8:01
  I don't. I'm the most peaceful person on
• 8:03
  earth. I hate, I don't even like the
• 8:05
  word drum, drum, drum, drum. I can't even say drama.
• 8:09
  I don't like the word drum. I don't like drama.
• 8:12
  Right, It's going to keep, it's going to be crazy on the first
• 8:15
  date with a narcissistic personal manipulator, right?
• 8:18
  Because he's going to make it. They're going to make you feel
• 8:19
  like you known them forever. You're going to tell them you're
• 8:22
  going to go home and tell your friends and family.
• 8:24
  I just, I feel like I met my soul mate.
• 8:26
  You haven't. This is not your soul mate.
• 8:31
  They're reflecting, they're mirroring you.
• 8:33
  You're meeting, you're not meeting a soul mate, you meeting
• 8:35
  a reflection. You're damn near in essence
• 8:38
  falling in love with yourself because you're sharing all the
• 8:41
  qualities that they that you like and they just happen to
• 8:44
  like the same thing. Now let me say this sometimes
• 8:48
  y'all might I honestly just have similar interest.
• 8:51
  You might say you like hiking and they might just have got
• 8:54
  back from a hike, right? They might actually have similar
• 8:57
  interests and have proof that happens as well.
• 8:59
  So it's not always going to be 100% mirroring.
• 9:01
  Sometimes. Y'all going to have similar,
• 9:03
  similar things. That's what I said.
• 9:04
  Take your time. Yeah, that's why I said time is
• 9:06
  important because sometimes you're going to have similar
• 9:08
  interests. Sometimes they really are going
• 9:10
  going through a bad divorce or something like that because you
• 9:12
  might just see it online, right. So you have the you have to be
• 9:16
  prepared for it because they're they're going to try to sell it
• 9:19
  to sell it to you up front, like they're your soul mate, but
• 9:22
  they're not. What they do is try to make you
• 9:24
  lower your defenses to trust them because you think this like
• 9:29
  they wouldn't hurt me because they if they hurt me, they
• 9:32
  could. They shared all this sensitive
• 9:33
  information that they didn't have.
• 9:35
  So they didn't have to hurt me, right.
• 9:38
  But again, on another thing you have to think about in this
• 9:40
  situation right here, y'all, is that on a first date or just
• 9:44
  maybe first date, first meeting, first couple of encounters,
• 9:47
  getting to know them. What a lot of these type of
• 9:49
  people are going to do is test your boundaries.
• 9:55
  A professional manipulator will test, will try to get you to
• 10:00
  test your boundaries on a first date in some little way, shape
• 10:04
  or form. They're going to test, I call it
• 10:05
  test, test the no, test the NO, right?
• 10:08
  What they're going to do is like, maybe they will suggest a
• 10:11
  different restaurant at the last second.
• 10:14
  Maybe they were they, maybe they told you that they would send an
• 10:16
  Uber, but then they won't. Now they want to pick you up
• 10:21
  instead. Let's save money.
• 10:22
  Let me pick you up in my car. It's OK if I know your address.
• 10:26
  They're going to do this type of stuff right here.
• 10:28
  You're going to say you had enough to drink.
• 10:30
  They're going to say no one more, one more.
• 10:34
  They're checking boundaries early on.
• 10:36
  It's kind of like they're tapping on the glass to find the
• 10:38
  weaknesses. They're tapping on the glass.
• 10:40
  So tapping on the wall to find the stud.
• 10:42
  You know, you tap on the wall to hear the stud like they're
• 10:47
  trying to find the stud. Well, the studs are so they can
• 10:50
  avoid it right? They don't want they don't want
• 10:51
  to cut down a load bearing wall in your heart.
• 10:54
  They would want to test it though, right?
• 10:57
  If they give you a small push, if they are able to violate your
• 11:03
  boundaries early early, they're going to violate them more later
• 11:06
  on. I promise you.
• 11:06
  This is how it goes right here, y'all.
• 11:07
  They give you a small push now, they'll give you a huge push
• 11:10
  later on. So you have to trust your gut,
• 11:12
  man. In essence, like in conclusion,
• 11:15
  in conclusion, in conclusion, you absolutely have to trust
• 11:20
  your intuition here. Like your intuition is
• 11:24
  essentially dare to protect you, your intuition is essentially
• 11:28
  dare to guard you and whatnot. If it feels too good to be true,
• 11:33
  y'all chances are it is too good to be true.
• 11:37
  Fast love doesn't burn. Real love doesn't burn fast.
• 11:42
  It's a slow burn. Healthy love is a slow
• 11:45
  controlled burn. It's a process, it's a build up,
• 11:48
  it's gradual. I know people want to find love
• 11:51
  fast. That makes sense.
• 11:52
  Doesn't in a in a cold world like this, it does make sense to
• 11:55
  want to find love fast. Who doesn't want to be in love?
• 11:58
  The world is a crazy place. You want to be in love.
• 12:00
  I want to be in love, right. You want to find love fast.
• 12:03
  You want to get all the, the, the, the little stuff out the
• 12:05
  way. No, the little stuff is
• 12:06
  important. The little stuff is important.
• 12:08
  Let's let's skip the subtle subtleties.
• 12:11
  No, let's not skip the subtleties.
• 12:13
  I need to know everything about your ass.
• 12:14
  I'm going to give me a Social Security know something to do a
• 12:16
  background check. It's a process, y'all.
• 12:19
  It seriously is a process. You have to trust the process.
• 12:22
  This is not lightning in a bottle.
• 12:25
  It does not happen like this, y'all.
• 12:26
  It takes time. If your gut is telling you that
• 12:29
  something is off even though your head is saying no.
• 12:32
  They're nice, they're cute, they're 6 foot 6 foot should
• 12:36
  have, I think the Ike Slimster Slimster 6 foot.
• 12:41
  They're 6 feet, 6 pack, 6 figures, whatever y'all looking
• 12:44
  for. They got old nice booty, nice
• 12:46
  body, whatever it is, trust your gut, man.
• 12:50
  Don't trust your your hind quarter.
• 12:51
  Trust your gut. It's the only thing that like
• 12:54
  your gut, your intuition doesn't want anything from you but
• 12:57
  safety. So it's going to try to protect
• 12:59
  you. It's going to try to keep you
• 13:00
  safe. It's going to try to make sure
• 13:02
  that you're OK. Y'all seriously?
• 13:04
  And that's really really, really how it goes right there.
• 13:07
  So if you're thinking so, if you're sitting there right now
• 13:10
  analyzing a good morning text from a date that you just had
• 13:14
  and need a reality, need a reality check, hop on my
• 13:17
  Telegram support, y'all. I do Telegram coaching now
• 13:20
  one-on-one. It's kind of like text
• 13:21
  messaging, but it's up through the Telegram app and whatnot.
• 13:24
  You can find that link is in the bio or you can go to
• 13:26
  mentalillness.net. Also New York City, I'll be in
• 13:30
  New York City June 2nd for my next in person live Q&A event.
• 13:34
  You ask questions, I got the answers face to face New York
• 13:37
  City Mental illness.net/events. I'll see you there y'all.
• 13:41
  Hit that subscribe button. I appreciate y'all.
• 13:43
  I'm thankful for you and I'm out.
• 13:46
  Peace.