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10 - 4 Hidden Traps That Damage Relationships · Daily Relationship Tips: Practical Relationship Skills That Help Couples Reconnect

• 0:00
  There
• 0:00
  are
• 0:00
  four
• 0:01
  patterns
• 0:01
  that
• 0:02
  quietly
• 0:02
  damage
• 0:03
  more
• 0:03
  relationships
• 0:04
  than
• 0:04
  most
• 0:04
  people
• 0:05
  realize.
• 0:06
  They're
• 0:07
  common,
• 0:08
  they're
• 0:08
  subtle,
• 0:09
  and
• 0:09
  most
• 0:09
  couples
• 0:10
  are
• 0:10
  caught
• 0:10
  in
• 0:11
  at
• 0:11
  least
• 0:11
  one
• 0:11
  of
• 0:11
  them
• 0:11
  right
• 0:12
  now
• 0:13
  without
• 0:13
  even
• 0:13
  knowing
• 0:14
  it.
• 0:15
  So
• 0:16
  today,
• 0:16
  I
• 0:16
  want
• 0:16
  to
• 0:17
  walk
• 0:17
  you
• 0:17
  through
• 0:17
  all
• 0:18
  four.
• 0:19
  I'm
• 0:19
  Alistair
• 0:20
  Dewes,
• 0:20
  and
• 0:21
  this
• 0:21
  is
• 0:21
  the
• 0:21
  daily
• 0:22
  Relationship
• 0:22
  Tips
• 0:22
  podcast,
• 0:24
  where
• 0:24
  I
• 0:24
  share
• 0:24
  simple,
• 0:25
  practical
• 0:26
  tools
• 0:26
  to
• 0:26
  help
• 0:27
  you
• 0:27
  and
• 0:27
  your
• 0:27
  partner
• 0:28
  feel
• 0:28
  close,
• 0:29
  connected,
• 0:30
  and
• 0:30
  in
• 0:30
  love
• 0:31
  again,
• 0:32
  one
• 0:32
  small
• 0:33
  habit
• 0:33
  at
• 0:34
  a
• 0:34
  time.
• 0:35
  Here's
• 0:36
  something
• 0:36
  most
• 0:36
  people
• 0:37
  don't
• 0:37
  realize.
• 0:38
  Most
• 0:38
  relationships
• 0:39
  don't
• 0:39
  end
• 0:40
  because
• 0:40
  of
• 0:40
  one
• 0:41
  big,
• 0:41
  dramatic
• 0:42
  event.
• 0:43
  They
• 0:43
  erode
• 0:44
  slowly,
• 0:46
  quietly,
• 0:47
  through
• 0:47
  patterns
• 0:47
  that
• 0:48
  develop
• 0:48
  over
• 0:48
  months
• 0:49
  and
• 0:49
  years.
• 0:51
  Patterns
• 0:51
  that
• 0:51
  feel
• 0:51
  normal
• 0:52
  because
• 0:52
  they've
• 0:53
  been
• 0:53
  there
• 0:53
  so
• 0:53
  long.
• 0:55
  By
• 0:55
  the
• 0:55
  time
• 0:55
  couples
• 0:56
  notice
• 0:56
  something
• 0:57
  is
• 0:57
  seriously
• 0:58
  wrong,
• 0:59
  those
• 0:59
  patterns
• 0:59
  are
• 1:00
  deeply
• 1:00
  ingrained.
• 1:01
  The
• 1:02
  good
• 1:02
  news?
• 1:03
  These
• 1:03
  patterns
• 1:04
  can
• 1:04
  be
• 1:04
  changed.
• 1:05
  But
• 1:06
  first,
• 1:06
  you
• 1:06
  have
• 1:07
  to
• 1:07
  see
• 1:07
  them.
• 1:08
  I
• 1:08
  call
• 1:09
  these
• 1:09
  patterns
• 1:09
  relationship
• 1:10
  traps,
• 1:11
  because
• 1:12
  once
• 1:12
  you're
• 1:12
  in
• 1:12
  one,
• 1:13
  it
• 1:13
  can
• 1:13
  be
• 1:13
  hard
• 1:14
  to
• 1:14
  see
• 1:14
  your
• 1:14
  way
• 1:15
  out
• 1:15
  without
• 1:15
  help.
• 1:17
  Let
• 1:17
  me
• 1:17
  walk
• 1:17
  you
• 1:18
  through
• 1:18
  the
• 1:18
  four
• 1:18
  most
• 1:19
  common
• 1:19
  ones.
• 1:20
  The
• 1:20
  first
• 1:21
  trap
• 1:21
  is
• 1:21
  neglecting
• 1:22
  your
• 1:22
  relationship.
• 1:24
  This
• 1:24
  is
• 1:24
  the
• 1:25
  most
• 1:25
  common
• 1:25
  of
• 1:25
  all.
• 1:26
  Life
• 1:27
  gets
• 1:27
  busy.
• 1:28
  Work,
• 1:29
  kids,
• 1:30
  bills,
• 1:31
  commitments.
• 1:32
  And
• 1:32
  your
• 1:33
  relationship
• 1:33
  quietly
• 1:34
  slides
• 1:34
  to
• 1:34
  the
• 1:34
  bottom
• 1:35
  of
• 1:35
  the
• 1:35
  priority
• 1:36
  list.
• 1:37
  You
• 1:37
  stop
• 1:37
  making
• 1:38
  time
• 1:38
  for
• 1:38
  each
• 1:38
  other.
• 1:39
  You
• 1:39
  stop
• 1:40
  investing
• 1:40
  in
• 1:40
  your
• 1:41
  connection.
• 1:42
  And
• 1:42
  slowly
• 1:43
  you
• 1:43
  drift.
• 1:44
  Not
• 1:45
  because
• 1:45
  you
• 1:45
  want
• 1:45
  to,
• 1:46
  just
• 1:46
  because
• 1:47
  everything
• 1:47
  else
• 1:47
  keeps
• 1:48
  demanding
• 1:48
  your
• 1:49
  attention
• 1:49
  first.
• 1:51
  The
• 1:51
  second
• 1:51
  trap
• 1:52
  is
• 1:52
  passive
• 1:52
  aggression.
• 1:54
  This
• 1:54
  is
• 1:54
  when
• 1:54
  frustrations
• 1:55
  don't
• 1:55
  get
• 1:56
  expressed
• 1:56
  directly.
• 1:57
  They
• 1:57
  leak
• 1:58
  out
• 1:58
  sideways.
• 1:59
  The
• 2:00
  cold
• 2:00
  shoulder,
• 2:01
  the
• 2:01
  I'm
• 2:02
  fine
• 2:02
  when
• 2:03
  you're
• 2:03
  clearly
• 2:03
  not.
• 2:04
  The
• 2:05
  sarcastic
• 2:05
  comment
• 2:06
  that
• 2:06
  isn't
• 2:06
  quite
• 2:07
  a
• 2:07
  joke.
• 2:08
  Passive
• 2:08
  aggression
• 2:09
  is
• 2:09
  corrosive
• 2:10
  because
• 2:10
  it
• 2:10
  creates
• 2:11
  tension.
• 2:11
  Without
• 2:12
  resolution,
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  issue
• 2:14
  never
• 2:14
  actually
• 2:14
  gets
• 2:15
  addressed.
• 2:15
  It
• 2:16
  just
• 2:16
  festers.
• 2:18
  The
• 2:18
  third
• 2:18
  trap
• 2:19
  is
• 2:19
  letting
• 2:19
  anger
• 2:20
  spiral.
• 2:21
  Most
• 2:21
  couples
• 2:22
  argue
• 2:23
  that's
• 2:23
  normal
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  healthy.
• 2:25
  But
• 2:26
  when
• 2:26
  anger
• 2:26
  escalates
• 2:27
  beyond
• 2:27
  the
• 2:28
  issue
• 2:28
  at
• 2:28
  hand,
• 2:28
  it
• 2:29
  causes
• 2:29
  damage
• 2:30
  that's
• 2:30
  hard
• 2:30
  to
• 2:31
  repair.
• 2:32
  Raised
• 2:32
  voices,
• 2:33
  harsh
• 2:33
  words,
• 2:34
  threats
• 2:35
  made
• 2:35
  in
• 2:35
  the
• 2:35
  heat
• 2:35
  of
• 2:36
  the
• 2:36
  moment.
• 2:37
  Over
• 2:38
  time,
• 2:38
  those
• 2:39
  moments
• 2:39
  leave
• 2:40
  marks.
• 2:41
  And
• 2:41
  if
• 2:42
  anger
• 2:42
  is
• 2:43
  regularly
• 2:43
  out
• 2:43
  of
• 2:43
  control
• 2:44
  in
• 2:44
  your
• 2:44
  relationship,
• 2:45
  it
• 2:46
  will
• 2:46
  erode
• 2:46
  trust
• 2:47
  faster
• 2:47
  than
• 2:48
  almost
• 2:48
  anything
• 2:48
  else.
• 2:50
  The
• 2:50
  fourth
• 2:50
  trap
• 2:51
  is
• 2:51
  developing
• 2:52
  an
• 2:52
  inappropriate
• 2:53
  connection
• 2:53
  outside
• 2:54
  the
• 2:54
  relationship.
• 2:56
  This
• 2:56
  doesn't
• 2:56
  always
• 2:57
  mean
• 2:57
  a
• 2:57
  physical
• 2:58
  affair.
• 2:59
  Often
• 2:59
  it
• 3:00
  starts
• 3:00
  as
• 3:00
  a
• 3:00
  close
• 3:01
  friendship,
• 3:02
  someone
• 3:02
  at
• 3:03
  work,
• 3:03
  an
• 3:04
  old
• 3:04
  friend.
• 3:05
  Where
• 3:05
  emotional
• 3:06
  intimacy
• 3:06
  begins
• 3:07
  to
• 3:07
  fill
• 3:07
  a
• 3:08
  gap
• 3:08
  that
• 3:08
  should
• 3:08
  be
• 3:09
  filled
• 3:09
  by
• 3:09
  your
• 3:10
  partner.
• 3:11
  These
• 3:11
  connections
• 3:12
  can
• 3:12
  move
• 3:12
  quickly
• 3:13
  from
• 3:13
  innocent
• 3:14
  to
• 3:14
  damaging,
• 3:15
  and
• 3:15
  they're
• 3:16
  often
• 3:16
  rationalized
• 3:17
  away
• 3:17
  until
• 3:18
  real
• 3:18
  harm
• 3:19
  has
• 3:19
  been
• 3:19
  done.
• 3:21
  Now,
• 3:21
  here's
• 3:21
  where
• 3:22
  most
• 3:22
  people
• 3:22
  get
• 3:22
  this
• 3:23
  wrong.
• 3:24
  They
• 3:24
  see
• 3:24
  these
• 3:25
  traps
• 3:25
  as
• 3:26
  personal
• 3:26
  failings,
• 3:28
  something
• 3:28
  to
• 3:28
  feel
• 3:28
  ashamed
• 3:29
  of.
• 3:30
  They're
• 3:30
  not.
• 3:31
  They're
• 3:32
  patterns.
• 3:33
  Understandable.
• 3:34
  Human
• 3:34
  Patterns
• 3:35
  that
• 3:35
  develop
• 3:36
  when
• 3:36
  couples
• 3:37
  stop
• 3:37
  paying
• 3:37
  attention.
• 3:39
  And
• 3:39
  like
• 3:39
  any
• 3:40
  pattern,
• 3:40
  they
• 3:41
  can
• 3:41
  be
• 3:41
  interrupted
• 3:42
  once
• 3:43
  you're
• 3:43
  honest
• 3:43
  enough
• 3:44
  to
• 3:44
  see
• 3:44
  them.
• 3:45
  So
• 3:46
  here's
• 3:46
  your
• 3:46
  challenge
• 3:47
  for
• 3:47
  today.
• 3:48
  Ask
• 3:48
  yourself
• 3:49
  honestly,
• 3:50
  am
• 3:51
  I
• 3:51
  caught
• 3:51
  in
• 3:51
  any
• 3:52
  of
• 3:52
  these
• 3:52
  four
• 3:52
  traps
• 3:53
  right
• 3:53
  now?
• 3:54
  You
• 3:54
  don't
• 3:55
  need
• 3:55
  to
• 3:55
  answer
• 3:55
  to
• 3:56
  anyone
• 3:56
  else.
• 3:57
  Just
• 3:57
  be
• 3:58
  honest
• 3:58
  with
• 3:58
  yourself.
• 3:59
  If
• 4:00
  the
• 4:00
  answer
• 4:00
  is
• 4:00
  yes,
• 4:01
  even
• 4:02
  partially,
• 4:02
  don't
• 4:03
  panic.
• 4:04
  But
• 4:04
  do
• 4:05
  act.
• 4:06
  Talk
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  your
• 4:07
  partner.
• 4:08
  Seek
• 4:08
  some
• 4:08
  professional
• 4:09
  support
• 4:09
  if
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  pattern
• 4:10
  is
• 4:10
  deeply
• 4:11
  entrenched.
• 4:12
  The
• 4:13
  earlier
• 4:13
  you
• 4:13
  address
• 4:13
  these
• 4:14
  things,
• 4:14
  the
• 4:15
  easier
• 4:15
  they
• 4:15
  are
• 4:15
  to
• 4:16
  change.
• 4:17
  Because
• 4:17
  here's
• 4:18
  what
• 4:18
  this
• 4:18
  means
• 4:19
  long
• 4:19
  term.
• 4:20
  The
• 4:21
  couples
• 4:21
  who
• 4:21
  catch
• 4:21
  these
• 4:22
  patterns
• 4:22
  early
• 4:23
  and
• 4:23
  face
• 4:24
  them
• 4:24
  honestly
• 4:25
  are
• 4:25
  the
• 4:25
  ones
• 4:26
  who
• 4:26
  build
• 4:26
  genuinely
• 4:27
  lasting
• 4:28
  relationships.
• 4:29
  Not
• 4:29
  because
• 4:30
  they're
• 4:30
  perfect,
• 4:31
  but
• 4:31
  because
• 4:32
  they're
• 4:32
  paying
• 4:32
  attention.
• 4:34
  They
• 4:34
  notice
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  drift
• 4:35
  before
• 4:36
  it
• 4:36
  becomes
• 4:36
  a
• 4:37
  divide.
• 4:38
  They
• 4:38
  address
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  tension
• 4:39
  before
• 4:40
  it
• 4:40
  becomes
• 4:41
  resentment.
• 4:42
  They
• 4:42
  protect
• 4:43
  the
• 4:43
  relationship
• 4:44
  instead
• 4:44
  of
• 4:44
  waiting
• 4:45
  for
• 4:45
  it
• 4:45
  to
• 4:46
  protect
• 4:46
  itself.
• 4:48
  Your
• 4:48
  relationship
• 4:49
  is
• 4:49
  worth
• 4:49
  that
• 4:49
  kind
• 4:50
  of
• 4:50
  attention.
• 4:51
  Be
• 4:52
  honest
• 4:52
  with
• 4:52
  yourself
• 4:53
  today.
• 4:54
  Are
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  caught
• 4:55
  in
• 4:55
  any
• 4:56
  of
• 4:56
  these
• 4:56
  traps?
• 4:57
  If
• 4:58
  so,
• 4:58
  take
• 4:59
  one
• 4:59
  step
• 4:59
  to
• 4:59
  address
• 5:00
  it,
• 5:00
  however
• 5:01
  small.
• 5:02
  Because
• 5:02
  awareness
• 5:03
  is
• 5:03
  always
• 5:04
  where
• 5:04
  change
• 5:05
  begins.
• 5:06
  Now,
• 5:07
  if
• 5:07
  today's
• 5:08
  tip
• 5:08
  landed
• 5:08
  for
• 5:08
  you,
• 5:09
  there's
• 5:09
  a
• 5:09
  lot
• 5:10
  more
• 5:10
  where
• 5:10
  it
• 5:10
  came
• 5:10
  from.
• 5:12
  Head
• 5:12
  to
• 5:12
  dailyrelationshiptips.com
• 5:14
  and
• 5:14
  and
• 5:15
  take
• 5:15
  the
• 5:15
  free
• 5:15
  two
• 5:16
  minute
• 5:16
  quiz
• 5:17
  to
• 5:17
  see
• 5:17
  how
• 5:17
  connected
• 5:18
  you
• 5:18
  and
• 5:18
  your
• 5:19
  partner
• 5:19
  are
• 5:19
  right
• 5:20
  now.
• 5:21
  And
• 5:21
  while
• 5:22
  you're
• 5:22
  there,
• 5:22
  you'll
• 5:23
  find
• 5:23
  a
• 5:23
  stack
• 5:23
  of
• 5:24
  relationship
• 5:24
  resources
• 5:25
  to
• 5:25
  help
• 5:26
  you
• 5:26
  put
• 5:26
  these
• 5:27
  habits
• 5:27
  into
• 5:27
  practice.
• 5:29
  Everything
• 5:29
  you
• 5:29
  need
• 5:30
  to
• 5:30
  create
• 5:31
  a
• 5:31
  happier,
• 5:31
  more
• 5:32
  loving
• 5:32
  and
• 5:32
  connected
• 5:33
  relationship
• 5:34
  is
• 5:34
  waiting
• 5:34
  for
• 5:35
  you.
• 5:36
  Thanks
• 5:36
  for
• 5:36
  listening
• 5:37
  and
• 5:37
  I'll
• 5:37
  see
• 5:37
  you
• 5:38
  in
• 5:38
  the
• 5:38
  next
• 5:38
  episode.