Latest / Effective Communication / Can You Be Direct and Still Be Nice?

Transcript

Can You Be Direct and Still Be Nice? · Effective Communication

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And now effective communication with Phil Zeller, CEO Dale Carnegie, Southwest, Michigan.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Memories like a tear drop in your eyes, misty smokefield
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: colored memories. No, I can't sing. I've told you that
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: before in the show, but yet it doesn't stop me
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: from trying. How do you like me? Now? A right,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: there's a couple different singers for you, last one being
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Toby Keith Rest in Peace. And you know, I was
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: thinking on the way in the studio today and I
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: was going through the memory bank, and I remember one
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: time I was a young man, like a lot of
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: young people, trying to find their way in life. You know,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: you're trying a lot of different things, doing a lot
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: of different things. But I knew what I had to
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: do was work really hard. I had to work really
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: hard because I had nothing. And a lot of you
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: were there. You've been in position where you had nothing
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and the only thing you could do was work really
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: hard to try to get something right. So that was
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: me as a young man, working really hard, working a
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: lot of jobs. At one time, I had four jobs.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: It was kind of wild, and I was working with
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: all these jobs, and I was working really hard because
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I was trying to get a head in life. And
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: through that process, you know, yeah, you can get tired
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: out working for poor jobs. I was sleeping two and
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: a half hours a night out of a pickup truck.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It can get challenging, no doubt about it. And that
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I realized something during that time that people don't like tired,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: angry people who work really hard. They liked that you
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: work really hard, but they don't like it if you're
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: tired and angry. So what I had to do was
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: change that part about me. I kept the hard working side,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: but I wanted to become nice, nicer than I was.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I wanted, you know, not to feel overwhelmed by the
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: situation I was in. So I had to practice on
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: becoming a person that a person would want to be around,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: to be a nice guy, right. And I remember one
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: woman I worked with. I was at a convenience store,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: and that that one job by the four of them,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: was about fifty hours a week. I had forty hours plus.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I always tried to squeeze in ten and overtime because
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: it was time and a half, right. And this manager
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: came up to me one day and she's like, you know,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: one thing I really like about you You're such a nice, young,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: hardworking man and not that cool. I'm doing what I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: want to do. And she says to me, she goes,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: have you met my daughter? You would really like my daughter.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You would really like to meet her. You know, maybe
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: the two of you could go out on a date. Right,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: And so I thought it was funny she was getting
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: interviewing me and trying to see if I would go
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: out with her daughter. And it was a great conversation.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: But the ecotomy was this, can you be a nice
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: person and still be hard working and be direct with
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: people and get things done? Can you do both? Can
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: you be nice and can you be direct to get
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: things done? And I'm going to share with you today
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: on the show. Yes, you can a factive communication with
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: bhil Zelder, you can be both. Now, we don't have
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: that many examples in the world today. We used to
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: have more. For some reason, we just don't have as
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: many today. But I'll share with you how to do that.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: You can still be the nice person, the great leader,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the nice person everybody wants to hear own and still
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: get amazing things done and be direct to get things done.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So the question is how can you do this? Well,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: we need to start with the why before we start
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: with the how. As always, I shared this before on
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: the show, this is effective communication. Always begin with the why. Well,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: the why is why why would you want people to
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: get on board with you with getting anything accomplished? And
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: be direct? But be nice? Be these two things in one. Well,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: the reason why is that if people don't like you,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: they're not going to listen to you. They're not going
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: to get things done you want done, So they got
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: to like you first. A person convinced against their will
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: is of the same opinion. Still, as Dale Carnegie said,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: and maybe you heard this one from your grandmother, people
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: don't care what you know until they know how much
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: you care. So the why starts out with that first,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: why would you do that? The second thing is to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: really is that time is of the essence. It is
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: the true measure of consequence. So being direct and getting
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: things done matter. So you got to get the combination
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to being nice with people and getting things done. Well,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: all you have to do is say, okay, well how
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: do I do this? When I'm dealing with people? I'm nice.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: When I deal with people and emotions, I'm nice. Emotions,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: be nice, logic, get things done. Logic is get things done,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: be directing your logic, and be nice with people. So
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: you've separated it too now, so the reason you do
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: this is the why is because we're not going to
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: listen to people we don't like. That's the honest truth
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: about human beings. The second thing is time is of
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the essence, and we got to get results in our
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: life because time is going fast. Each day, it goes
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: faster for us. So the how to do it is
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: be nice when you're dealing with people at all times.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Put yourself in their shoes. Pay attention. Deil Carngie says,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: try honestly to see things from the other person's point
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: of view with that person, so be a nice person.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: And when it comes to logic, be direct. We have
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: to do this, to do this to get this result.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense? And logic is direct, people are nice.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You put those two together. You're a nice person who
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: gets things done by being direct. Now your challenge go
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: make it happen. You love a better, more productive life.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: You've got this, my friend,