Latest / Dits & Dahs / freeing a spiritual log jam
Transcript
- Sue: I'm thinking today about my approach to days where I don't work a job, in this case, usually a weekend day, sort of mental task list you run through. And invariably, there are always items on the list that are these archiving projects in my case, you know, the, should really go through all of the old photos that my husband took and makes certain they're archived and. made available for my use at some point. That kind of job where if you have a rainy afternoon and three or four hours, you can get the job done, but you're not going out of your way to schedule it as a priority. And perhaps you're like me, where I have a whole bunch of those jobs lining up, awaiting my rainy day afternoon. And then you have to decide amongst those which one gets the priority. And sometimes none of them do, because in my life, I reserve the right. to not feel like I want to do anything when it comes to a non-working day, because I believe in the value of non-doing. Particularly as a creative person, it's the one thing that sort of recharges my batteries. As a result, I have several of these projects awaiting my attention. And what I'm thinking about today, given that I have identified this day as there's no reason why I can't do one of these projects today, kind of day. So A, figure out which one I should tackle first and determine when I start it because the overarching decision for me will be based on whether I'm feeling it or not. And it reminded me of a time in my life where I was processing a lot of negative energies through the loss of my husband and the dog coming 12 days with one another, being destitute. You know, a lot of things task-wise didn't get done because if I didn't have the money, well, that put it on the shelf automatically. But nonetheless, I was processing a lot of those emotions and just did not get to a place of completing those tasks. Some of those are still left undone, even as today, four years later. It was quite the emotional effort to get aligned with intellectually what needed to be done. And I had to forgive myself a lot. because for whatever reason, it wasn't time. For me, it was the confirmations I started receiving. I'd be thinking about something and saying, okay, I really don't feel like doing this today. And then, you know, I'd get some text message or some notification. And for the most part, I would ignore those originally. And then I thought, well, wouldn't it be kind of fun if I just attributed some meaning to those notifications and started reading more and learning more about Carl Jung and thought, well, he was a really creative guy. What's not to love in terms of going along with, well, is he right? Are there no synchronicities? Everything is meaningful and we all have to raise our awareness amongst ourselves to appreciate the significance of those seemingly innocuous notifications or that even if you totally disregarded it as bunkum, are you content to live your life? and a happier place believing that to be true and get more out of the day-to-day existence of your life, meaning that you get to a place where you start to appreciate all of that that's just seemingly simple and innocuous and mundane stuff for what it is, which is to say it's your life. You only get one shot at it as far as I'm aware. I mean, I truly believe in reincarnation, but I also believe that you might as well make the most of it while you got it. And when I started trusting my vibe with regard to... to tackling these long-standing undone projects. It was as though mentally the log jam that I might have created for myself started to ease. It was the attitude of allowing myself to feel it, function in a more intuitive manner, and using my discernment, of course, help guide me through the final decision, and things started to get done. It's not as simple as that because the log jam... that we tend to create for ourselves, at least what I created for myself, was influenced by many other aspects of my life. I talk about not having finances to do some things. I have a time constraint in that I've got to make a living for as many hours as I'm able. And what's left time-wise might not be where I want to work on these projects. Or I don't have any place in the house to fully lay out the material for this project that will help me get it done quickly. That's a big faff, so that just adds to the complication of getting the task done. And I've learned, probably as you have, trying to force yourself to do something that you're not in the mood to do. Well, that's where my stubbornness comes in. My ain't gonna and won't. It's that spiritual logjam too, because what you're doing essentially is getting in your own way. And how do you release yourself so that you can move forward? And what I've learned. up to now in my life, being a 64 year old widow, is that if you parse it into smaller bits, that project, you can sometimes just get yourself motivated to do that smaller bit, the actual getting in the way of yourself. And I'm reminded of it this morning when I encountered a neighbor. And the last few years, every time that I encounter them, I get nothing more than a grunt in return. I get very cheeky with my salutations in the morning. Good morning. We're calling them out by name. Hello, so and so. Great to see you. And then to get a grunt and reply, well, they're having a hard time getting through that mental logjam in their life. I know where that's coming from. Not the details, of course, but I've been there. And I think it's something that people can get caught up in for years. And having come through that on my side of it, I don't want to go through that place again. Because while I might not be exuberantly joyous at the moment, I am not impaired with processing any negative energies. And I also understand. that if I get to the end of this day and didn't do anything on that list, that's all right. I forgive myself for that. And I think that's where a lot of people add to their negativity, because I certainly did at one point. I tried to shame myself into doing things that I didn't do and then internalize that as some sort of failure, which adds to the guilt. And all of these things now, since my husband died, I've let go of. Wasn't easy. But it really did involve a process of allowing myself to respond to my intuition first, knowing that I love myself and that whatever my intuition told me to do was for my higher selves, is what makes me feel best. And then to remove the shame and the guilt and the remorse and all of the negative thoughts and feelings, because in the end it's just another day. think really what it comes down to is accepting the fact that you're not always going to want to do something. and that you recognize that you've put a lot of barriers mentally and emotionally in between you and this task and recognizing that you haven't forgiven yourself. That's what has to happen first. You know, I talk about how forgiveness opens the door for karma or dharma to be received, but that everything is going to be blocked until you forgive. yourself and everybody else around you for whatever it is that's relevant. And all of those years that I was working my way through those negative energies coming at me all at once, you really did have to take them a little bit out of a time and say, okay, I'm dealing with this, I'm working that through. And here I am on the other side of no longer harboring those negative energies and recognizing that, yeah, I'm still not going to be motivated to do some things. Time will tell. If you've felt this sort of logjam in your life of all of these projects that don't really have a time deadline that you know need to get done and haven't dove into them with the vigor and excitement that you thought you would have towards getting them done, I'm here to tell you, you're not alone. I think a lot of people go through this and I think very few people succeed at getting it done. And most of all, you're forgiving yourself. You're giving yourself grace. You're giving yourself patience. You're showing yourself the compassion of the love that you have. knowing that it will all get done and it will get done better because you're not affected any longer by those negative energies creating those log jams, spiritually speaking. It's just got to take some time. Wherever that's at, I appreciate you for taking time to listen and if you resonate with this, just know this is confirmation for both of us that we're okay. We are who we need to be because we stand up for ourselves in the right time and to allow ourselves confidence that we will know that it's the right time. Thanks for listening. you