Latest / Old Time Sci-Fi Radio | Old Time Radio / Dimension X - "A Logic Named Joe" (1950)

Transcript

Dimension X - "A Logic Named Joe" (1950) · Old Time Sci-Fi Radio | Old Time Radio

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: On July 1, 1950, NBC presented the 13th broadcast in
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: its science fiction series, Dimension X. Tonight's program is A
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Logic Named Joe, adapted for radio by Clarice A. Ross
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: from a story by Murray Leinster. The year is 1974,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: and nearly every household depends on a logic, a screen
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: and keyboard machine for communication, entertainment, and instant information. Joseph
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Julian stars as Frank Caldwell, head serviceman for the Logix Corporation,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: whose routine is interrupted by a newly delivered logic named Joe.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Roger DeKoven is heard as Joe, with Norman Rose as narrator,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Edward King directed, and Van Woodward produced. Ladies and gentlemen,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: we now take you back to the original broadcast.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: We delay the start of this program to bring you
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: a special bulletin. From the NBC Newsroom in New York,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: truckloads of U.S. fighting men are rolling north from Tejan, Korea,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: to reinforce South Korea's battered army, which still holds Suwon
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: and its vital airstrip. The first American ground troops flown
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: in from Japan, they're now approaching the combat zone. Meanwhile,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: the North Korean communists report that American planes have bombed
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: their capital of Pyongyang three times today. Keep tuned to
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: your NBC station for the later news.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Adventures in time and space told in future tense.
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: Dimension X.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: To all our listeners... A brief forward before tonight's adventure
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: in the world of the future. Beginning next week, Dimension
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: X moves to a new time on Friday evenings instead
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: of Saturdays. In the Eastern Time Zone, it will be
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: heard at 9 o'clock Friday's Eastern Daylight Saving Time. In
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: other zones, please consult your local newspapers to learn the
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: new time of the program. Now, tonight's venture into the
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: world of tomorrow. A most unusual story about a logic
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: named Joe and a man named Frank. And of how
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: he saved civilization.
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: It was on the third day of August that Joe
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: came off the assembly line. On the fourth, Lorene came
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: into town. And that afternoon, I saved civilization. Maureen's a
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: blonde I was crazy about once. And Joe is a
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: new 1940-74 model logic that I got stored away down
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: in a cellar. And how do I save civilization? I
• 3:05
  Speaker 5: save it by keeping Joe down in a cellar.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: You are listening now to a voice from the future,
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: the voice of Frank Caldwell, head serviceman for the Logix Corporation,
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: makers of the machine that does.
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: Everything for you. Well, nearly everything, anyway.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: In the year we speak of, 1974, the electronic Logix
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: sets were working so well that life was soft indeed
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: for repairman Frank Caldwell. That is, until that fatal day
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: of August the 3rd, when suddenly the logics began doing
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: everything for their users, and doing it too well.
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: Hi, boss. What's the matter? Somebody put you through a ringer?
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: Frank, you busy right now?
• 3:50
  Speaker 5: No, there haven't been any service calls all day.
• 3:52
  Speaker 6: Fine, there's a customer outside. Go take care of him,
• 3:54
  Speaker 6: will you?
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: Me? I'm a maintenance man.
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: I know, but there are no salesmen around this minute.
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: This guy wants to have our machines explained to him.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: Explain?
• 4:02
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: Everybody in the world knows about Logix. Where's he been?
• 4:05
  Speaker 8: On Mars?
• 4:05
  Speaker 6: Just moved up from the backwoods someplace.
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: Why don't you explain him?
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: I don't feel too well.
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah? You're okay? About a half an hour ago.
• 4:13
  Speaker 6: Look, you the boss, here am I.
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: Go on out there, will you? Okay, okay. Good morning.
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: My name's Caldwell. Can I help you?
• 4:23
  Speaker 8: Oh, thank you, Mr.
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: Caldwell.
• 4:25
  Speaker 8: My name's Kalanovich. This is my little boy, Freddy.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: Hiya, Freddy.
• 4:29
  Speaker 9: Hey.
• 4:29
  Speaker 10: I got you, didn't I?
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: Fine kid you got there.
• 4:36
  Speaker 11: Freddy, how many times I got to tell you not
• 4:38
  Speaker 11: to kick people in the shins?
• 4:41
  Speaker 8: Excuse it, please, Mr.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: Caldwell.
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: Sure, sure, just a kid.
• 4:44
  Speaker 10: I got a knife home, can cut you in little pieces.
• 4:46
  Speaker 8: Freddy, we'd like to buy a logic, Mr.
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: Caldwell.
• 4:51
  Speaker 8: The gentleman we spoke to first said he had to leave.
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: In a hurry. Oh, he did, huh? Well, I understand
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: you're not acquainted with logics, Mr. Kurlanovich.
• 5:00
  Speaker 8: Yeah, that's right. We just moved to the city.
• 5:03
  Speaker 11: My wife, she saw that everybody else had a logic,
• 5:05
  Speaker 11: and you know how women are.
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: You bet, you bet. Well, you can't get along without
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: a logic in this day and age, Mr. Kurlanovich.
• 5:12
  Speaker 10: Look it, I got a snake. Want to see it?
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: Will you shut up that... Yeah, now, about the logic.
• 5:17
  Speaker 12: Yeah.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: Here, I'll plug one in here. There, now. You see,
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: the logic looks kind of like an old-fashioned television set.
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: Only it's got keys instead of dials. Now, if you
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: want to talk to a friend, you just punch the
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: number of his logic. Like making an old-fashioned phone call.
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: Except you not only hear him, but you see him, too,
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: on this viewing screen here. Now, of course, that's not
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: the important feature of these things. Now, suppose you want
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: to ask a question. A question? Like, uh, what to
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: take for a sore throat. Or who won the American
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: League pennant in 1911. Just turn on the logic. Then
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: you punch the question key, and you ask. Like this.
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: Who was the first president of the United States?
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: George Washington.
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: You see?
• 6:02
  Speaker 8: I already knew that.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: Well, that was just a sample.
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 6:06
  Speaker 8: Well, I got a little store. Will it keep books
• 6:09
  Speaker 8: for me?
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: It'll keep your books, record your contracts, serve as a
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: filing system, and check up on what happened to your
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: lawyer's last client. Anything.
• 6:15
  Speaker 8: Say, they're really something, these things.
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: Ten thousand services and information sources in one. Read our advertising.
• 6:21
  Speaker 8: Well, what I want to know, Mr. Caldwell... How do
• 6:25
  Speaker 8: these logics work?
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: You saw that big building across the street? Sure. Well,
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: that's one of the relay tanks. Now, there are a
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: dozen of them around the country, all hooked up together.
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: And there's a data plate in one of those tanks
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: for every fact in creation.
• 6:38
  Speaker 8: You mean those relays know everything?
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: If there's something they don't know, the technicians are busy
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: making a relay play for it right now. The logic
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: integrates the facts in the tank and gives you the answers.
• 6:48
  Speaker 10: Hey, you, can I ask this thing how to make
• 6:50
  Speaker 10: dart poison?
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: How to make what?
• 6:52
  Speaker 10: Dart poison, like in Africa. I could shoot the darts
• 6:55
  Speaker 10: with my pea shooter.
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: Oh, well, maybe.
• 6:57
  Speaker 8: I think maybe we better not get one of these things.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: That's okay, Mr. Kalanovich. The logic won't tell you about
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: no dart poison, see?
• 7:05
  Speaker 10: I bet it will. I'm gonna try it. Hey, I
• 7:08
  Speaker 10: didn't make dart poison.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Public policy forbids this service.
• 7:15
  Speaker 10: Ah, what'd it do that for?
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: On account of some little brat, on account of some...
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: Children might ask things that ain't good for them.
• 7:22
  Speaker 10: Listen, I don't like this here one. I want that
• 7:25
  Speaker 10: one over there.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: They're all alike, kid.
• 7:27
  Speaker 10: I want that one. If I can't have that one,
• 7:29
  Speaker 10: I'm gonna hold my breath till I'm dead.
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: Well, I got lots of time.
• 7:34
  Speaker 13: It's no use, Mr.
• 7:35
  Speaker 8: Caldwell. You might as well give him the one he wants.
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: But, kid, they're so much alike. Even I can't tell
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: them apart.
• 7:42
  Speaker 10: I can, and I want Joe.
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: Joe? Who's Joe?
• 7:46
  Speaker 8: Oh, I guess he means the logic, Mr. Caldwell. He
• 7:49
  Speaker 8: has to think up a name to call everything. You
• 7:52
  Speaker 8: should hear the names he calls me.
• 7:54
  Speaker 10: Not till I'm 21, I promise, mother.
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: Okay, so we call him Joe. But what makes you
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: think Joe's any different from the rest?
• 8:01
  Speaker 10: He looks different somehow.
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: Don't be silly. Them things are all alike. The one
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: ten thousandth of an inch.
• 8:06
  Speaker 10: Just the same. I'll bet he'll teach me how to
• 8:08
  Speaker 10: make dart poison.
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: Okay, then. Come on, Joe.
• 8:11
  Speaker 12: Joe?
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: So he keeps yelling, I want that one, I want
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: that one. I'm going to call him Joe. Mike, I
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: could have wrung his neck. How many cards, Charlie? I pass.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: I'll draw two. What a holy terror. He had his
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: father scared to death.
• 8:35
  Speaker 14: Too bad that kid ain't mine. I'd show him quick
• 8:37
  Speaker 14: enough who was boss in the family.
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: Holy smoke. What's the matter? Sorry, fellas. Got to hold
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: up the hand a minute. I just remembered. Got to
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: call my wife.
• 8:45
  Speaker 13: Oh, let her wait a minute.
• 8:46
  Speaker 15: Yeah, sure.
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: You ever met my wife? Yeah, I did. Don't let
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: her see the card game or she'll be down here
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: with a hatchet. You tell her me. What's the matter
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: with this thing? It ain't getting in my house.
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: Announcing new and improved logic service. Your logic is now
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: equipped to give not only consultative, but directive advice. If
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: you want to do something and don't know how to
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: do it, ask your logic.
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: What do you know about that?
• 9:13
  Speaker 13: It's just somebody trying to pull a gag.
• 9:15
  Speaker 14: Didn't sound like a gag to me. Maybe the boss
• 9:18
  Speaker 14: decided to add a new logic service.
• 9:20
  Speaker 7: No.
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: The boss knows better than to start anything like that.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: Hey, look.
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: The minute the system starts giving advice, some joker like
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: you is going to be asking questions like, how can
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: I get rid of my wife? Yeah, but you heard
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: what the logic just said. Nah, the sensor circuits will
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: block the question. You don't believe me? Go on, try it.
• 9:39
  Speaker 14: Okay, anything for a laugh.
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: Okay, logic, I got a question for you.
• 9:45
  Speaker 8: How do I get rid of my wife?
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: Service question. Is your wife blonde or brunette?
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: Did you guys hear that?
• 9:54
  Speaker 7: She's a blonde.
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: Hexycrilaminidine is a constituent of green shoe polish. Take home
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: a frozen meal containing pea soup. Color the soup with
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: green shoe polish. This poison is fatal to blonde females only.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: This fact has not been brought out by human experiment,
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: but is a product of logic's service. You cannot be
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: convicted of murder. It is improbable that you will be suspected.
• 10:23
  Speaker 13: The saints preserve us.
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: And it's bound to be right. These things can't make
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: a mistake. Well, Mike, don't stand there. Turn that thing
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: off and check the sensor circuits.
• 10:33
  Speaker 14: We can't get to them. They're all sealed up. It's
• 10:35
  Speaker 14: supposed to be impossible for them to go out of order.
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: Well, they're out of order now. And I got a
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: feeling some awful things are going to happen. Boss, we
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: gotta do something. The logics have gone nuts.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Relax. The thing gave a goofy answer once. Maybe it
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: was a joke.
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: Who ever heard of a logic making a joke?
• 11:03
  Speaker 6: Well, it was an accident. Forget it. It won't happen again.
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: What makes you so sure people are gonna be trying it? Now, look.
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: Supposing I wanted to get rid of you, for instance.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: You don't.
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: How would you collect your pay?
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but supposing. I'm gonna try it and see what
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: the logic says. Hey.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: If you want to do something and don't know how,
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: ask your logic.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: How do I bump off my boss? A male, bald-headed, 45.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: Service question. Is he fat or thin?
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: Holy mackerel. Fat.
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: Make some chocolate ice cream containing powdered charcoal in place
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: of half the chocolate. Use Hotso brand charcoal. Hotso contains
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: an ingredient fatal only to fat, bald-headed males. This fact
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: is a product of logic's service.
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: You hear what it said? If this keeps up, we'll
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: have to shut down the company. You kidding?
• 11:58
  Speaker 6: We can't shut down the company, and you know it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 6: Logix do all the computing, bookkeeping, filing, and recording of
• 12:04
  Speaker 6: contracts for every business in the country. They handle all
• 12:07
  Speaker 6: television programs, personal calls, weather forecasts, employment notices.
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: I know that, but... Wake up.
• 12:13
  Speaker 6: If we shut down the Logix, we go back to
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: a civilization we've forgotten how to ride.
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but the point is, boss, they're now giving out
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: information on murder. And no telling what else.
• 12:22
  Speaker 6: Well, we'll just have to find out why and fix it. Meantime,
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: there's nothing to worry about.
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: Nothing to worry about? Of course not.
• 12:29
  Speaker 6: You've asked these questions for a gag. Nobody's going to
• 12:32
  Speaker 6: ask them seriously. What you need is a little faith
• 12:35
  Speaker 6: in human nature. Oh, excuse me.
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: It's probably the light.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: Person-to-person video call.
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: Go ahead.
• 12:43
  Speaker 12: Sir, is there... How do you feel?
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: Why, just fine, sweetheart.
• 12:47
  Speaker 9: I just called to tell you, Cyrus, I want you
• 12:49
  Speaker 9: to be sure and get home on time for dinner.
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 12:51
  Speaker 15: Why?
• 12:51
  Speaker 12: Because I've got a surprise for you, dear. Your favorite dessert.
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: Dessert? What kind?
• 12:56
  Speaker 12: Homemade chocolate ice cream. The flavor is heavenly, Cyrus. When
• 12:59
  Speaker 12: you taste it, you'll just die.
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: Cyrus, what's wrong?
• 13:04
  Speaker 12: Why don't you answer me? Cyrus!
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: Chocolate ice cream, huh? This.
• 13:11
  Speaker 6: This can't be happening. Agnes wouldn't What? Why, this is dangerous.
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: Have a little faith in human nature, huh?
• 13:19
  Speaker 6: Well, well, you're the head of the maintenance crew. I'll
• 13:21
  Speaker 6: give you 24 hours to fix these logics or you're fired.
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: Now, look, boss, I.
• 13:24
  Speaker 6: Get me the police. Get me an extra maintenance crew.
• 13:27
  Speaker 6: Get me a doctor.
• 13:28
  Speaker 15: You.
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: Me?
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: Get moving.
• 13:29
  Speaker 12: Where?
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: Anywhere.
• 13:30
  Speaker 6: Find out what the logics are up to. And see
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: that you find out before the logics do.
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: Bartender. Hey, bartender, give me a double. Drumming up. What's
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: the matter, pal?
• 13:52
  Speaker 13: You had a bad day?
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: Go away, will you?
• 13:55
  Speaker 8: Oh, listen, pal, you gotta listen.
• 13:57
  Speaker 13: I got trouble.
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: Hey, bartender, will you get this barfly off me? For
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: Pete's sake, I'm tired. On your way, you.
• 14:04
  Speaker 8: No, don't say that.
• 14:05
  Speaker 12: I got troubles.
• 14:06
  Speaker 8: How am I gonna keep my wife from finding out
• 14:09
  Speaker 8: I had a... Couple little drinks. How am I going
• 14:12
  Speaker 8: to do that, huh?
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: Look, mister, it's a hot day. I've been driving a
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: car around in C. Yeah. I've been trying to keep
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: a bank president from having apoplexy on account of his
• 14:19
  Speaker 5: logic told him how to rob his own bank. I've
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: been tripping over a dead body so artistically croaked that
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: nobody's ever going to find out who done it. And
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: all you got on your mind is.
• 14:28
  Speaker 11: How am I going to keep my wife from finding
• 14:30
  Speaker 11: out I had a couple.
• 14:31
  Speaker 6: Couple of little drinks.
• 14:33
  Speaker 13: How?
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: Go ask a logic.
• 14:35
  Speaker 8: A logic?
• 14:36
  Speaker 11: My pal, that's a wonderful idea.
• 14:39
  Speaker 8: Where's the logic?
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: Right behind you. Here's a nickel. Oh, give me a nickel.
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: Give me a nickel. This I got to hear.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: This is going to be good.
• 14:45
  Speaker 15: Yeah.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: Now, come on, logical pal, pal, pal.
• 14:49
  Speaker 16: Be nice.
• 14:51
  Speaker 11: How does a guy keep his wife from finding out
• 14:54
  Speaker 11: he's had a couple of little drinks?
• 14:56
  Speaker 8: Answer me that.
• 14:57
  Speaker 16: How?
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: Buy a bottle of Frannin hair shampoo. It is harmless,
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: but contains an ingredient which instantly neutralizes alcohol. One teaspoonful
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: for each jigger you've consumed.
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: Oh, boy, I gotta buy a bottle of Frannin... I
• 15:12
  Speaker 8: gotta buy a bottle of.
• 15:13
  Speaker 5: What was that again?
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: Supposing it's right, you'll never remember it as far as
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: the drugstore.
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: I think there's a bottle in the back room. Somebody
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: left it. Oh, my pal, no more troubles.
• 15:25
  Speaker 8: Show me the way.
• 15:26
  Speaker 15: To go home.
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: He-he. I got a picture of him back there drinking
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: that shampoo. Give me another, devil. I don't know what's worse,
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: to be as low as you or as high as him.
• 15:39
  Speaker 12: All right, where is he? I know he's here.
• 15:41
  Speaker 15: Where is that bum?
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: Who do you want, lady?
• 15:43
  Speaker 12: My husband.
• 15:44
  Speaker 10: I know he's here.
• 15:45
  Speaker 12: Now, where is he?
• 15:46
  Speaker 10: That's no good, love.
• 15:48
  Speaker 12: Don't show him.
• 15:49
  Speaker 10: Thinks he can come staggering home again, does he? Well,
• 15:52
  Speaker 10: I'll teach him.
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: Poor guy.
• 15:54
  Speaker 11: Oh, my dear, what a surprise to see you here.
• 15:59
  Speaker 12: Archibald.
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: Yes, my love? You're not.
• 16:03
  Speaker 13: Sober?
• 16:03
  Speaker 8: Well, of course, my love, I'm sober.
• 16:05
  Speaker 13: As a judge.
• 16:06
  Speaker 10: Then what are you doing in this saloon?
• 16:08
  Speaker 8: Well, merely conducting a little research, my dear.
• 16:10
  Speaker 10: Research?
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: Your suspicion wounds.
• 16:12
  Speaker 8: Me deeply, my love.
• 16:14
  Speaker 11: Let me tell you, my dear, that I've been conducting
• 16:16
  Speaker 11: a research project that is going to make us a fortune.
• 16:19
  Speaker 11: I'm about to patent Sober, the drink that makes happy homes.
• 16:23
  Speaker 7: Sober I'm Caldwell from the Logics Company, Sergeant. I just
• 16:36
  Speaker 7: stopped by to see.
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: Logics Company.
• 16:38
  Speaker 13: Listen, Caldwell, you people get those blasted machines under control
• 16:41
  Speaker 13: or we'll have you all behind bars.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: Now, look, Sergeant... No.
• 16:43
  Speaker 16: You look.
• 16:44
  Speaker 13: At this blotter.
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: Blank.
• 16:47
  Speaker 13: The greatest crime wave in history and we can't even
• 16:49
  Speaker 13: make an arrest. They're all perfect crimes.
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: Well, we're doing our best to find out.
• 16:53
  Speaker 13: It's not good enough. If you can't find out anything,
• 16:55
  Speaker 13: shut down the company. Or the police department will. We
• 16:59
  Speaker 13: know there's some big gang back of this.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: Hey.
• 17:04
  Speaker 13: Maybe you know something about it, Caldwell.
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: Now, look, nobody's back of it. The logics run themselves.
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: They pick their own circuits automatically.
• 17:12
  Speaker 13: You mean that they're doing this all by themselves?
• 17:15
  Speaker 17: Sure.
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: We always thought they could do more things than we
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: knew about. I think they're just trying to be helpful,
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: that's all.
• 17:21
  Speaker 13: Oh, that's all, is it? Well, you'd better make them
• 17:25
  Speaker 13: cut out the tricks, including this new one, this new
• 17:28
  Speaker 13: business they're up to now.
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: What new business?
• 17:30
  Speaker 13: It just started an hour ago. Every time you turn
• 17:33
  Speaker 13: on a logic... It asks you your name and then
• 17:36
  Speaker 13: spills out the whole history of your life.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: Huh? I haven't heard about that. What's it do that for?
• 17:42
  Speaker 13: You tell me. Go on, try it.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: Okay. What is your name? Huh?
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: How do you like that? I'm Frank Caldwell.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: Frank Caldwell. Were you ever called Ducky?
• 17:57
  Speaker 13: Oh, Ducky.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: Lay off, will you? What if I was? It's been years.
• 18:02
  Speaker 9: Yes.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: Ducky, there is a video call for you.
• 18:08
  Speaker 12: Hiya, Ducky.
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: Oh, what's that? Lorraine.
• 18:12
  Speaker 12: Ducky, darling, how marvelous.
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: Look at that blonde. Lorraine, where are you?
• 18:18
  Speaker 12: Oh, silly, I'm in my hotel room. Say, how do
• 18:21
  Speaker 12: you like my, uh, play suit? Well, I... I just
• 18:24
  Speaker 12: got into town. Oh, Ducky, wasn't it smart of the
• 18:27
  Speaker 12: logic to find you?
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: Logic, find me.
• 18:30
  Speaker 12: I asked it how to find you, Ducky. You must
• 18:32
  Speaker 12: have an unlisted number, darling. You're not in the directory.
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: Uh, yeah. Well, how have you been, Lorene, since I
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: saw you last? I, uh, heard you got married.
• 18:43
  Speaker 12: That's right. Ducky, you won't believe me, I know, but
• 18:46
  Speaker 12: I've had four husbands. But I've never loved anybody as
• 18:49
  Speaker 12: much as I love you.
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: You've divorced four husbands?
• 18:52
  Speaker 12: Three. The last one died unexpectedly.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: Who unexpected it?
• 18:58
  Speaker 12: He did. But the jury acquitted me, Ducky. They knew
• 19:01
  Speaker 12: it was just a little old accident. So now I'm
• 19:04
  Speaker 12: free again, and we've just got lots of things to
• 19:07
  Speaker 12: talk over.
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: But, Lorene.
• 19:08
  Speaker 12: You come right over here, Ducky, instantly.
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: Well, I'm working. I'll call you back.
• 19:16
  Speaker 12: Oh, I'm so lonesome. Please make it quick, Ducky. Have
• 19:20
  Speaker 12: you ever thought of me?
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Plenty.
• 19:24
  Speaker 12: Aren't you sweet? Here's a kiss. That'll just have to
• 19:29
  Speaker 12: last till you get here, but hurry, please.
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: Oh, my back. What am I going to do?
• 19:36
  Speaker 13: Do like you were telling me a while ago.
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: Huh?
• 19:39
  Speaker 13: Calm yourself, ducky.
• 19:44
  Speaker 15: We call on a logic for you, Frank, your wife.
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: Oh, thanks, Mike. Hi, Gert.
• 19:56
  Speaker 9: Frank, I've been trying to get you for an hour.
• 19:58
  Speaker 8: Where have you been?
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: Well, I've been out making calls, honey, trying to find
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: out what ails these logics.
• 20:02
  Speaker 9: Well, you better find out in a hurry or there's
• 20:04
  Speaker 9: going to be trouble. That thing told me my address,
• 20:07
  Speaker 9: how much I owe every stone, how much you make
• 20:09
  Speaker 9: a week. And all about the time we had that fight.
• 20:11
  Speaker 15: And I went home to mother.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: Well, Gert, I don't think they're doing that anymore. I
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: think that was just temporary.
• 20:15
  Speaker 9: Well, in the meantime, it's told everybody in the neighborhood
• 20:17
  Speaker 9: all about me.
• 20:18
  Speaker 12: I punched Mrs.
• 20:19
  Speaker 9: Hudson's name. She's been married three times, and she's had Mr.
• 20:22
  Speaker 9: Hudson arrested twice for non-support and once for beating her up.
• 20:25
  Speaker 9: It'll tell anybody anything.
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but I tell you, Gert.
• 20:27
  Speaker 9: Frank, you stop these things or I'm gonna leave you.
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: Gert, you don't mean that.
• 20:32
  Speaker 12: I do.
• 20:33
  Speaker 9: If you can't figure out how to keep our private
• 20:35
  Speaker 9: lives out of every logic in town, then I'm through.
• 20:37
  Speaker 12: And that's it.
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: Hey, boss.
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: You gotta put more men on the job or something.
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: We gotta lick these logics. My wife's gonna leave me
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: if we don't.
• 20:55
  Speaker 6: You're also gonna be looking for a job if we don't.
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: I don't care about the job, but listen... You listen.
• 21:00
  Speaker 6: The logics are giving out information on high explosives, the
• 21:03
  Speaker 6: fine points of murder, and legal loopholes that'll beat any
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: charge from hijacking to high treason.
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but my wife.
• 21:09
  Speaker 6: And about six guys have thought of asking how to
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: switch bank credits so they can corner all the cash
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: in the country. Now quit bothering me. Get over at
• 21:16
  Speaker 6: the tank and help Mike try to block off some
• 21:18
  Speaker 6: of those circuits.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: I can't even budge any of these railing plates.
• 21:33
  Speaker 13: Me neither.
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: Isn't there any way we can disconnect them? There is not.
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: They weren't built to be disconnected. Mike, what are we
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: going to do? I'm thinking of slitting my throat.
• 21:47
  Speaker 14: When they were giving out all the information on everybody,
• 21:49
  Speaker 14: my wife got the lowdown on a certain plant.
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: I got nothing left to live for. Why did you
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: have to remind me? You got one? My only hope
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: is I ain't got it.
• 22:00
  Speaker 14: See who that's for.
• 22:03
  Speaker 12: Hi, Doccy, darling.
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: Oh, Lorraine, not again.
• 22:06
  Speaker 12: Doccy, darling, I'm lonesome. Why haven't you come over?
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: Well, I've been busy.
• 22:12
  Speaker 12: Oh, cool. Doccy, do you remember how much in love
• 22:15
  Speaker 12: we used to be?
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 22:17
  Speaker 12: I was so mean to you. Doccy, let's get married tonight.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: Oh, gosh, Lorraine, I... Right away, Doccy. Look... I got married.
• 22:27
  Speaker 12: Oh, you poor darling. You poor darling. I'll have to
• 22:30
  Speaker 12: get you out of there.
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: No, no. Now, look, Lorraine.
• 22:34
  Speaker 12: Darling, I'll just call up your wife and have a
• 22:36
  Speaker 12: little talk with her.
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: Look, please. Now, it's nice of you to think of
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: me and all that.
• 22:40
  Speaker 12: You just give me your address and your logic number, darling.
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: I ain't got one.
• 22:45
  Speaker 12: Oh, you just don't want to tell me. You're a
• 22:48
  Speaker 12: bias fool. Never mind, darling. The logic will tell me. Lorraine.
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: Lorraine. Oh, I got a call.
• 22:55
  Speaker 12: Good.
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: Frank, will you get away from that thing and give
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: me a hand? Yeah, Mike, in a minute. I got
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: to call my wife. We got to get out of town. Frank,
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: I told you to help Mike. Yeah, boss, I am,
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: I am, but I just got to make this call.
• 23:11
  Speaker 17: Call?
• 23:12
  Speaker 6: What do I care about your call? The president's getting
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: ready to close down the company and declare martial law.
• 23:16
  Speaker 13: Now, for the love of.
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: Heaven, do something. Yeah, boss, I will, I will. I
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: just got to make this call.
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: Attention. To assist in solving a special problem of logic service,
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: kindly give the following information if possible. Where does Frank
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: Caldwell live?
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: She got me.
• 23:33
  Speaker 8: I'm through.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: Look, Gert, there is no blood.
• 23:42
  Speaker 9: Frank Caldwell, I told you I was leaving you.
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: Leave me later. Will you right now pack yourself up
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: in the kids? We've got to get out of here.
• 23:48
  Speaker 8: What is all this?
• 23:49
  Speaker 12: Are the cops after you or something?
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, the cops. Come on,
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: get moving, will you? Hey, get away from that logic!
• 23:55
  Speaker 10: Yeah, but don't you think we ought to hear the
• 23:56
  Speaker 10: police calls?
• 23:57
  Speaker 17: 27 and car 31, detail to round up all employees
• 24:02
  Speaker 17: of the Logics Company.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: Use caution. They are suspected of sedition.
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: Holy smoke, the cops are after them.
• 24:09
  Speaker 8: But you just said they were.
• 24:10
  Speaker 17: Car 17, proceed to vicinity of 119 East 7th Street.
• 24:14
  Speaker 17: Child terrorizing neighborhood. Use extreme caution. Child is armed with
• 24:19
  Speaker 17: pea shooter, using poison darts.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: That is all.
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: Freddy.
• 24:24
  Speaker 10: Who's Freddy?
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: He's a mean little kid. He wanted a logic that
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: would tell him how to make dart poison. They're all alike,
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: I kept telling him. They're all alike.
• 24:32
  Speaker 9: What are you talking about?
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: I don't know. All I know is there was a
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: nice world up till yesterday. Now it's like a guy
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: named Joe come along and squashed all our mud pies
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: for us.
• 24:42
  Speaker 9: Looks to me more like it was a logic named Joe.
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: A logic name. They're all alike. They're Kurt. Kurt, baby!
• 24:51
  Speaker 10: Don't call me.
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: Don't be so silly. Okay, honey, hold the foot. Baby,
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: they aren't all alike.
• 24:57
  Speaker 12: Where are you going?
• 24:58
  Speaker 9: Frank, you gonna make a getaway?
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: Baby, if you got the right inspiration, I'm going straight
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: to the middle of this whole jamboree.
• 25:15
  Speaker 9: Yes.
• 25:16
  Speaker 8: Oh, I was hoping it was the police.
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: You remember me, Mr. Kurlanovich? Caldwell of the Logics Company.
• 25:20
  Speaker 8: I wish the Logics Company was at the bottom.
• 25:22
  Speaker 13: Of the ocean.
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: I don't blame you. Now, where's your logic?
• 25:25
  Speaker 8: In here.
• 25:25
  Speaker 11: I'd smash it into a million pieces if I wasn't
• 25:28
  Speaker 11: afraid of what Freddy would do to me.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: Just get out of the way, will you? I got
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: business with Joe.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: If you want to do something and don't know how,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: ask your logic.
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: Oh, we're back to that routine. Well, I want to
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: do something, all right. Tell me, Joe... Can a logic
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: be modified to achieve correlations for which human brains are
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: too limited?
• 25:52
  Speaker 16: Yes.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: How great will the modifications be?
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: Microscopically slight. Changes in dimension not detectable even by precision gauges.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: They can come about only through an extremely improbable accident.
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: What would this super logic then be able to do?
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: Come on, you spell it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: It could set up entire new combinations of electronic relays
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: which would bypass the normal sensor blocks, thereby enabling it
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: to perform valuable new services, including the giving of helpful
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: advice on any human problem.
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: Has this accident ever happened, Joe?
• 26:34
  Speaker 15: Come on, come on!
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: It has happened only once. In the case of the
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: logic now owned by the Kalanovich family of 119 East
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: 7th Street. A logic named Joe.
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: Thanks, Joe. That's all I wanted to know.
• 26:52
  Speaker 8: Hey, what's all this about?
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: I'm taking this logic away, Mr. Kalanovich. I'll bring you
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: a new one. Our troubles are all over.
• 26:58
  Speaker 10: Hey, you get away from Joe.
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: Correction, our troubles are just beginning.
• 27:02
  Speaker 8: Now, Freddy, put down that blowgun.
• 27:04
  Speaker 12: Hey, shut up.
• 27:05
  Speaker 10: Hey, you ain't said get away from that logic.
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: Now, look, Freddy, I'm going to bring you a nice
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: new one, see?
• 27:10
  Speaker 10: I want that one.
• 27:11
  Speaker 17: What I got is a.
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: Big, big thing. Mr.
• 27:14
  Speaker 12: Caldwell, Mr.
• 27:15
  Speaker 15: Caldwell, the police, they're outside.
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, for me and Freddy.
• 27:18
  Speaker 10: Nuts, what they want you for? You ain't smart enough
• 27:21
  Speaker 10: to do nothing.
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: Oh, no, say, there's plenty I can tell you. There's
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: our cops, kid. It's you and me against them.
• 27:27
  Speaker 10: So what are you going to do about it if
• 27:29
  Speaker 10: he's so smart?
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: Look, we may have to fight our way out, see? Now,
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: let me see that blowgun. I know a way to
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: hop it up so the cops won't have a chance.
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: Come on, come on, give it to me.
• 27:37
  Speaker 10: Okay, let's see what you can do.
• 27:38
  Speaker 16: Here.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: Nice.
• 27:40
  Speaker 7: Here.
• 27:41
  Speaker 12: Oh, Mr.
• 27:42
  Speaker 8: Caldwell, you're a great man.
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: Now all I gotta do is to pull this plug
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: out of the wall. Come right in, Sergeant.
• 27:50
  Speaker 13: Careful, men, careful, careful.
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: That must be the kid.
• 27:54
  Speaker 13: He don't look so tough to me.
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: Well, he got a little soft, Nick.
• 27:57
  Speaker 11: Oh, there'll be no more complaints, officer. I guess I
• 27:59
  Speaker 11: can go on where Mr. Caldwell left off.
• 28:02
  Speaker 13: Caldwell, you're wanted. This time you either answer some questions
• 28:06
  Speaker 13: or we'll keep you in the.
• 28:06
  Speaker 8: Cool until you do.
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: What, in jail? Oh, okay, let's go.
• 28:10
  Speaker 13: Hey, wait a minute. You act like you wanted to
• 28:13
  Speaker 13: go to jail.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do. I got a feeling it'll be safer there.
• 28:15
  Speaker 13: What do you mean?
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: Just put me away till a certain party leaves town.
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: I'll confess to anything.
• 28:19
  Speaker 13: Okay, then, Caldwell, into the paddy wagon you go.
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: Thanks, officer. You may be saving my life. Now, if
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: you'd just help me carry this logic out.
• 28:27
  Speaker 13: Wait a minute. You can't take that in the wagon.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: I can't? Why not?
• 28:31
  Speaker 13: No room. We've already got a dame in there who's
• 28:33
  Speaker 13: raising the roof.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: A dame?
• 28:35
  Speaker 13: Yeah, a blonde. She was trying to buy a gun
• 28:38
  Speaker 13: without a permit. She keeps screaming she's going to miss
• 28:41
  Speaker 13: her date with Ducky.
• 28:58
  Speaker 16: You have just heard another adventure into the unknown world
• 29:02
  Speaker 16: of the future.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: The world of.
• 29:05
  Speaker 8: Dimension X.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Next week, Dimension X joins the big parade of exciting
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: half-hour presentations at a brand new time, on Friday evenings
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: at a different hour. In the Eastern time zone, you'll
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: hear it at 9 o'clock Friday, daylight saving time. In
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: other zones, please consult your local newspaper listings to learn
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: the new time. For that's when Dimension X will bring
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: you one of the strangest.
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: Stories ever told. Ray Bradbury's Mars is Heaven.
• 29:41
  Speaker 16: Tonight's story on Dimension X was titled A Logic Named Joe,
• 29:44
  Speaker 16: written by Murray Leinster and adapted for radio by Clarice A.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: Ross.
• 29:48
  Speaker 16: Featured in the cast were Joseph Julian as Frank and
• 29:51
  Speaker 16: Roger DeKoven as The Logic. Your narrator was Norman Rose.
• 29:55
  Speaker 16: Music by Albert Berman. Engineer, Don Albert. Dimension X is
• 29:59
  Speaker 16: produced by Van Woodward and directed by Edward King. Robert
• 30:03
  Speaker 16: Warren speaking. Tomorrow, hear a thrilling story on high adventure.
• 30:07
  Speaker 8: It's on NBC.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Dimension X has brought us A Logic Named Joe. Until
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: the next signal from radio's future, good night. Follow old-time
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: sci-fi radio for more classic science fiction broadcasts.