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Why Would Anyone Get Married Again After Divorce? · Obnoxiously Pleasant

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to another episode of Obnoxiously Pleasant.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so Lena and I always have this discussion where we talk about why people get married again, why do people do it?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: And neither her nor I can understand why people do it again.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: You're already laughing.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: So we decided why don't we just sit down and chat with somebody who has?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the podcast, Nihil.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, ladies.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: This is gonna be exciting.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_04: This is gonna be exciting.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because now you can answer all our questions.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_04: We have so many questions.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_04: I'm the expert, right?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the expert on her experience.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: How about that?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: She's the expert on her experience.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to just start off by asking you a very like direct question, right?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Going into your second marriage, if you could describe that experience in one simple sentence, what would it be?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Going into my second marriage, COVID.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I think about.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: You Hanand did come prepared.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Did you have?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, for the first time ever.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm the one who wrote the questions.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: And for yeah, for background, guys, Nihel and I are friends.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Nijel and Lena know each other.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Know each other, yeah.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but Nihan is like one of the few friends that we have that's like willing to sit on camera and talk about her experience, which I think is really cool.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: But going back to COVID, did you have COVID?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: I met my second husband during COVID.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And why I say that is um, I don't think if COVID didn't happen, we would have met.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think really.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh, definitely.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think life slowed down um for him and for me, and I think for him more.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so we were forced to slow down and really think about companionship and wanting to meet another person.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: I guess COVID was positive for you.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_04: It it was very positive.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, looking back at COVID now, the COVID times and what's happening in the world, I'll take those times any any day over what's happening.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, for sure.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_04: We don't realize how good we had it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_04: We I we did actually.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I like now, especially.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_04: Now especially.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like just staying home.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I always stay home anyway.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's not new for me, but so that's okay.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: So that's that's you can lean that's like the perfect antisocial.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a perfect antisocial answer, antisocial person answer is what I should say.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, really, she's right.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: When you think about it, and especially us, the 80s generation, I feel like, oh my god, we've been going through a lot.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: We have been going through a lot.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: One after the other.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, I know it's crazy.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: But alhamdulillah.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I do have another question for you that I'm like intrigued by this, right?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so obviously, you know, you were married before, um, and then you decided to get married again.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Did you that's why we're here?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because why is it?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna figure this out.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but just think why is it open question?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Did you at any point in time say, like, I'm never doing this again?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, top on.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: So if that's the case, like what changed your mind?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh again, COVID.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like the world is shutting down.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: Man, your husband's gonna be like, you don't love me.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: You just wanted to never be alone.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, you think about it differently.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: When you're like in crisis, you're like, oh my God, halas.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I you think that you're gonna be alone.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I stayed alone for so long at the house by myself.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I wanted to ask.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: How long between your first marriage and then before you met your second husband?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, two years.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I had not that long.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not that long.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's not really, yeah, yeah.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I guess for you having never lived by yourself.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Ever.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's something important for you guys to know.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Nihel had never lived by herself.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like, she obviously, like the rest of all, you know, Arab girls.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's right.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like she's not gonna happen.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: She moved out of her parents' house and into her first husband's house.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so I guess two years, yeah, that is a long time.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: It is for you to live by yourself.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like very social and outgoing, and I I talk a lot, you know.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, like all of a sudden you live in this house by yourself, and you're like, Mr.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Elkheir.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Which means, is it just me?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Is it gonna be me forever?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: I can say that.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: I can totally say that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: So um I just thought about like, oh, companionship.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: I I saw my parents, how they kept each other like company company during COVID, the people around me, you know.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, oh, maybe I should start meeting someone or like getting to know someone seriously.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so because we keep talking about COVID, and I love her new husband, by the way.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: He's wonderful.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: He is.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I should, this isn't new, just her husband.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: I love her husband.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so what made, if you're somebody you're like, okay, I'm I'm gonna go out there, I'm gonna meet somebody, what made him worth the risk of getting married again?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: Having had your prior experience and having been like, I'm never gonna do this again, what made him worth it?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, a lot.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: I yeah, I don't even know where to start, honestly.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: But one of the in the beginning, one of the main things that he was married before.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like, okay, he's gonna understand we both come from the same experience.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to be with someone or meet someone that's like gonna experiment marriage with me, you know?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And like teach them, like, oh, you know, when we fight as a married couple, this is what's gonna happen.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, I wanted somebody that knew how marriage works.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but he like he was very, he's very genuine, he was very straightforward.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was very straightforward, and he was not uncomfortable with that.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's too.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_04: So did you feel when you say you were very straightforward, um, did you feel that was kind of different from your first time around?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: Like maybe when you first got married.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I don't know how old you were, but did you feel kind of like She was a child.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: I was a child.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like you.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's okay.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Leah was also really young when she got married.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: How old were you?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: 19.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was 20.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: I got engaged at 19 and um I got married 20, and then I had my son at 21.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: I have a 17-year-old.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_04: No, but my question was, did you feel like you, because of your your first experience, that you had more um like confidence maybe in yourself to be like, no, this this is these are my red lines.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: I knew what I wanted.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: That was the difference.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um with my first marriage, and again, nothing against my first marriage.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was just very young.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we were both wonderful people, but I just didn't, I just didn't really know what I wanted.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think all I wanted at that time is really to become a Harusa, just to become a bride.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, and just like uh become engaged and just the excitement of all of it.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: I also think that has a lot to do with our culture by the way.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, 100%.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: It has a lot to do with our culture.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um I didn't really know myself to be able to choose the person I want to be with at all.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like I all I knew was that I live with these people, my mom and my dad, and these are the boundaries and the rules.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And inshallah, in a couple of months, uh my wedding, and I have a really big dress.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: But honestly, let's let's also like because I don't want it to be like this didn't happen against your will.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like you were expecting.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I was very happy.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: I was very happy.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I yeah, I wanted to just take a pause at this very moment.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because like I know that we have we have we have people from all walks of life who watch us, who follow us, and I love that.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're a young, you know, Arab American girl or just whatever, if you're a young girl and you watch us, I want you to know that like your feelings are validated.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like you should be excited, you should want to get married.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: But I wanted to specifically talk to Nihil because Nihil was really young.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: And when she made that decision, as was Lena.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I think Lena went as a very different situation, like both of their situations are very different in how the marriage happened and how the relationship took place and how things evolved.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but like you're, you know, take your time, like uh really figure out who you are.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I I kind of want you to talk a little bit about this because you were really young.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was you were really young when you got married, and I think that's culturally for us, like I don't think it's wrong.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you meet somebody and that's who you want to be with, absolutely.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: But I also think it's really important for you to for us to say, like, hey, this is the other side of that.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if you don't know what you want, you don't know who you are, like it doesn't always work out.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I agree.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: I agree.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think um my advice would be really you really have to figure out who you are first and the kind of person you want to be with so it can so the experience can be fair to both of you at the end.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: I love that fair, you know, um, because you also don't want to rob somebody else out of that experience.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: You think you're ready, you're excited, and actually everyone around you too.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think it's really, really important to take your time to get to know yourself, to get to know what you like, to get to know what kind of person you want to be with.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_04: Because, you know, like not to I don't want to interrupt you, but basically, you being 20, even being in your 20s is completely different than being in your thirty 30s or even 40s.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, we know that, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: So you're like a whole different person entirely.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: I wish I knew that earlier.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean, this is yeah, that that's the thing.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, we all go into it having our own like preconceived notions of what this is gonna be like, you know, and when you're in your 20s, you don't know jack shit.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, let's be real.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't know you don't, but I also feel like I yeah, no, you don't know a lot of stuff, but I also feel like it really depends on the partner that you have.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I think both of you guys, and I think that's like a a lot of things that happens, and I don't want to talk about men.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna talk about women.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'll talk about my experience.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: We're not trying to shit on anybody.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_04: We're just saying you have to know yourself.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is not a personal, like you know.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: And there is a lot of things that you learn, you know.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like I always say, like your 20s are one, you know, kind of learning experience, your 30s are different.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: When you arrive at your 40s, as somebody who is 45 years old, right?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like the things I accepted at 25, I don't accept now.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely not.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then vice versa.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: There are things I didn't accept at 25 that I'm okay with now.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I like you know, when you're 25 and you think you know everything about the world, and somebody says, you have to compromise, you have to sacrifice.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, I will never sacrifice any part of who I am.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me how you're right.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: But you get to this age and you're like, sacrificing something doesn't necessarily mean losing a part of yourself.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: It means that you care enough for someone else or you love someone else enough that, you know, you're willing to give up this thing because you know it makes them happy.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: I know it gives you guys peace.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And henan, to add on that, I don't think it's sacrifice.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's compromise.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: We all compromise in our relationships.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: We compromise even with our friends, we compromise with our parents, with our kids.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm always compromising with Hannah all the time.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: So full of it all the time.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's funny, it's kind of true though.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of true though.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: In this relationship, yeah, Nina does compromise a lot.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna do?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: I compromise today it's at the middle seat.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: I did I not she offered.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: She offered you a zebra.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: She offered liars.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, no, I she gave you the choice.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: She did.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, she did.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Give me the choice, it's fine.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to start in my life.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: You wanted to sit next to me, right?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: I want it to be nice.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Lina's always, she does always come from, and it's hilarious because it's always like that.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: Lena's like, you make me do things against my will, even in my dreams.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, Lola, it's don't you?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: Even in your dream?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_04: She had to do it.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: When it comes to in your dream, dude, she's like, Lena, we have to go.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, Hanan, it's dangerous.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_04: We shouldn't go back into the house.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_04: I swear to God, I still remember this.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, no, it's fine.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, Hanan, we're gonna get killed.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, no, no, we have a time.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna just like go even in my dreams.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: But it was like this.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like our our whole entire relationship is like this.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: But honestly, you have fun, right?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: You are fun, Hanan.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you are.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, but she I make her, I make her do I do make her do things against her will, but she always has a good time, right?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, because I'm with you.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm I agree.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: That was a very convincing, yeah.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but it's uh, but no, to get back at the topic.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, I use the word sacrifice on purpose, by the way, because some people do feel like it's a sacrifice.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when you're younger, too.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want to invalidate anyone's feelings, but I think you'll arrive at what Nihil was saying, which is compromise.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure when you were in your 20s in your first marriage, you felt like you sacrificed so much.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Looking back with an adult brain, a fully developed frontal lobe, as I like to say.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, looking back, I would not change anything about my journey or my experience at all.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Not even one bit.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So why do you say that?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: I say that because I don't think if I did not go through every step of it, I would have arrived where I am right now.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Alhamdulillah.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when you're going through it, you're like, oh my God, this is the worst.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I why is this happening to me?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Why is God putting me through this?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but can you pause here?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I love this.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I want you to just like speak to the people and give them like real, honestly, like I have a few people in my life right now who are going through a similar experience, and it seems so hard.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so and some of them have children, some of them don't have children, and it's just the worst ever.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: And there is, and I always say, and we talked about this a little bit about the grief episode, like the one we did on grief, where sometimes you it's nice to be empathetic, but like I genuinely, unless you've been through something, it's so hard to find the right thing to say.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: So for anybody out there that's going through this now, like you're in a marriage and it may not be your favorite thing, or you're going through something, what do you have to tell them?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think not only through a marriage, through anything in life, any strained relationship.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um this shall pass.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's all I can say.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you really, really have to trust that this is just a hard time.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it will get better.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: You will see the light.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: I promise.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to focus, really.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um stay true to yourself.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: That is really important.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um and just pray and just manifest.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: What helped you to like get through like, and I'm not talking about get through just a divorce or just after just you know, just kind of like you come on to I always say it's a journey, right?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: To like get onto the other side of that.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And even before meeting your husband and getting remarried, I don't think you get to that stage until you yourself are okay.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, how did you arrive there?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what did what did you do?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: A lot, I'll tell you.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, therapy is oh my god, it's been great help.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just working on myself in general and trying to get out of that victim mentality that really helps too.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, staying staying true to yourself and just following your like values and morals and all of that is very important.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, friends and family.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Friends and family, your your support system is so important.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: And Hannah, you were there for me, really.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_04: Hannah is there for all of these people.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: She is now by myself.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: We it really is a it is a it's a group effort.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Group effort.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, my my girls, all my girls, they were there for me.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I had um I had I had my tribe, and I'm so thankful.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Alhamdulillah, everyone was very supportive.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but therapy, I I would say is did a huge difference.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: It made me also see things from a different perspective.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Which is again not thinking that I'm the victim or like feeling guilty for my son that oh my god, you know, he's gonna have divorced parents.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's better for him.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's better for him.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted him to see me and see his father in a loving relationship.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: People understand it's not that we didn't love each other or anything, but like I wanted him to just see that experience and like learn from it too.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was hard on all of us, uh, but we all learned something from it.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it is hard.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's you feel like it's hard right now, but I promise it gets easier, it gets better, and just pray.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I love?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you said that part of this was doing this was for your son.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I think we don't talk about enough about that.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think people stay in relationships, um, you know, because they say, Oh, it's gonna be better for the kids, it's gonna be better.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes actually, like more often than not, it's not better for the kids.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I love that you you you kind of, you know, you kind of touch on that a little bit.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's important.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_04: So my what I wanted to know more, I I know like we've we've touched on uh you putting, like, you know, you knowing your uh red lines or your boundaries, right?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_04: So do you think the second time around when you when you met your husband, your second husband, was it more about you, your your growth, your your journey as like I mean just the way it's like was it more like this is what I want from a marriage?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or oh yeah, okay, absolutely.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I told him on the first date.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, as soon as this guy, I'm not I'm not doing a good job of wording this correctly, but like was it okay, go ahead.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_04: I'll let I'll No no I told him immediately.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like, listen, um I'm looking for a relationship that leads to a marriage.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you are here for different reasons, we can just become friends.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like we'll finish our meal, yeah, but we can just like be cordial and just bye-bye, Annie.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: We can just be friends, but I'm looking for a relationship that leads to a marriage that leads to something serious because I'm a mom and I didn't date in my like 20s, 20s.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna like play around now, yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, yeah.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I was.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was very, very clear.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: See, ladies, I just want to let you know, never settle.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's ever.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, everybody.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: I swear there's something great waiting for you out there.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not just saying that, but like you believe it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: I truly believe it, and you have to believe it too.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Believe it, believe the part of it is believing in it and manifesting and believing in yourself that you are a good person and God is gonna reward you for it.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just self naya.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I know we were just talking about, you know, sort of the work that you did on yourself and how you got here.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: If you could describe yourself in your first marriage versus who you are in your second marriage, I think that would That's a good question.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thank you.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: No, but I think in my first marriage, I was still a child.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: I can that's how I would describe myself.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um when you say a child, what do you mean by that?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was very immature.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was but not immature because I chose to be immature.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's because I was really young.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was my biological, uh, I don't know what to call it.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was just your your actual physical age.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my physical age.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had a I I had a my son right away.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just like very overwhelming.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I and then I was trying to start a career also.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but in my second marriage, I feel more confident, okay, more mature, um calm.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I love that.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, I think these are the so on that note, I guess I have a follow-up question because you said like um, you know, you're a child.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: I guess if I could come like kind of combine how you feel about yourself in the second marriage, you kind of grew up a little bit.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: You're mature, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, like in the work that you did on yourself, and I think this is, and I I always I love asking like our guests these questions because I feel like again, when we talk about something, somebody might find it useful out there.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Is there in the work you're doing on yourself and in therapy, did you feel like there was any any part of yourself that was like not good or awful that you had to give up in order to move forward?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like there was something not good about yourself that you're like, this is a characteristic that's clearly holding me back from realizing my full potential or from really maturing, you know?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure, yeah.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, again, I can't pinpoint what it is exactly.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I think um just resenting resentment.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: I let go of the resentment.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that made me see things more clear because once you get away from that feeling, you still resentment.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: You mean like of your first marriage and just often of the whole situation, the whole experience, people or the experience, or like basically resentment in general became a wrong factor.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, you know what?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: We just need to move forward and just let's work on losing that resentment.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: I would wholeheartedly agree with that because I feel like you've applied that in other parts of your life.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, I feel like you in general have let go of being upset at people or holding a grudge or anything like that.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like just in life, yes.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're just like, it's gonna be fine.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna we're gonna turn a corner around.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Again, and this this is where I go back to saying you really have to believe in it.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: You really have to believe that things are gonna get better.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just trust the process, yeah.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Trust the process.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: So as you're working through your like as you're working on yourself, and Lena, you can, you know, feel free to ask any questions anytime.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, I have a couple, you make my skin like I'm a loser who hasn't prepared.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: No, I prepared for once for once I prepared.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um Shatturahan.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think it's as you're working through this, and I'm I and again, I'm just very intrigued because I always say, like, you know, alhamdulillah, God blessed whether it's me, whether it's I guess let's just talk about this little group here.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I I don't feel the need to get married again ever.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: Not gonna happen.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm in a stable relationship currently.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so if this was to end, right, for any reason, um, I really think the only reason we wouldn't be together is if one of us dies.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: Seriously.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I I really do feel like um Because we've kind of at a very basic level checked all the boxes.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I've I'm like, Alhamdulillah, I have a husband that loves me and that I love him.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: We have a good house, we have a happy family.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, don't give me ayin, don't give me ayah.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Mashallah, mashallah.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just kidding.
• 22:15
  unknown: I'm kidding.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: But like, I feel like maybe if you don't experience those things, this is why you go seeking again.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: So on that topic, and as you're working through yourself, did you have any realizations where you're like, I would get married again because I didn't have this in my first marriage?
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Or did you did you even think about it like that at all?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think I knew that there was I don't know how to put it, but I think that when after I did therapy again and I reflected, I knew that that was not gonna be my my last relationship.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: I really did.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was like, I have so much more to give.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a very, I'm a very loving and you are a giver.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you are a giver.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: Very romantic and like almost.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, it's not that.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, in life, like as a friend, you are a giver.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it's yeah.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I knew that that's not the end for me.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: I knew that I had so much more to give.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I just needed to find my person.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And this is your person.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, he's awesome.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: You are my person, yeah.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: You are my person.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: The sad part is he doesn't really speak Arabic, but he's gonna get that.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: He is in that in the he's learning.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: He is learning.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to tell us where your husband's from?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: My husband, yeah.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is from India.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that great?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I never thought I would marry an Indian man.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about that.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I really oh yeah.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know any Indian people.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: I had only one co-worker that was Indian, and that was about it.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: But um, yeah, I think it's it was just fate.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, yeah, Naseeb.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, listen.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, tell us what like, and I yes, it is Naseeb, and I truly believe that.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: But he has to have presented certain characteristics.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I I know you said earlier that you were like, you know what, I told him on our first date, here's what I want.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, yep, you know, check, check.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: But like there has to be, because think about it like this, in a timeline, right?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: And obviously, I have insight because I was there for she was at my my second wedding.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is great.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: And that's that's the thing I love about like second weddings for friends that you meet along the way of life, is that you're like, I really want to experience this with you.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes you do.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: But like, what made you like when did that click?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: When did you realize, like, I can marry this person?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I can be with this person.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't on the first date.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: After he made me his chicken tikamusala.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: Are you serious?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, why?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't actually believe that.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: I thought you believed it too.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: I should have known better because he can cook, poor guy.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's right.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't know how to cook.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: He knows how to cook.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: He looks so defensive.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: He does, but he shows you Joseph, they don't know how to cook.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he knows how to cook.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: After we got married, Lachalas, he stopped cooking.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Taban, taban, taban.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, of course.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what made me like when was that moment that you realized?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because you guys got married pretty quickly, if you think about it.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: I did, yeah, after nine months of meeting, which is and then and I always say, like, and I'm so happy that Nihil is on, because like it proves a point for me that when two people know exactly what they want, you just do it.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: But anything in life, you know what I mean?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like day one, Lena Lena and I decided that we're gonna become best friends, right?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_04: Lena, yeah, that's true.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_04: I really did.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_04: Day one.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, listen, I saw her hair, I was like, wow, I was just impressed.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: I always tell this, I'm like, wow, mashallah, her hair is amazing.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: Like, that's how you became so.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: But it wasn't even like this, it was like big and bushy.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, it wasn't.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_04: You had it.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_04: Was it?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you had it, yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: Lena and I used to go to the same hairdresser for a long time.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: You guys met at the hairdresser?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, we met at school.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: We met at we met at college.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: It was like in our first year after the first semester, and um well, second year, because I first year I went to uh college in Ohio.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, first year went to college, so you'll sophomore year of a sophomore year at Mason.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it was just we met through other people, and then it was our work together on students for justice in Palestine.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that we were like, I was like, this lady and I could be friends.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it's hilarious because we were in very different spaces in our lives.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I always say on any relationship, you make it work.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, of course.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: When I say different, I mean like I was like Lena was already married when we met.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: We were married during college, yeah.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like me.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like after I finished a freshman year.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's like, yeah, it's crazy.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, like you know, when you meet somebody, you just know definitely, you know.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: But so I'll tell you what.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um he was genuine, he was real, like in what way?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't sugarcoat shit, like like what you see is what you get.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: What you see is what you get.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I saw how he is as a dad.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like we would go out, or like we would be on a date, but he would be thinking about the kids, or like thinking what the kids are gonna have for dinner, or like it was just not he was different.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like how though you know how guys are like, okay, yeah, I'm on a date, let me just like super impress her.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: And you just felt like he was not himself.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: He was just he was just he was comfortable in just being how he okay exactly, and um, yeah, he just cared about his kids, he cared about his family.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um and he used to call his mom every day, and that to me was a really good sign.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was like because his parents, they live in India.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so he used to call his mom every day, and I thought that was the cutest thing ever.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's because you call your mom every day.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: I do multiple times.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, mom.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, Maha.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_04: I totally relate to that, yeah.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think it's important.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think some people see that, they may see that as like not a like a red flag.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like a red flag, but it's not.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: I really some people take it as oh, he's gonna, he's gonna be mama's boy.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, it wasn't like that.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: He just cared, and he cared that it was important for her to hear his voice every day and make sure he's okay.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: And he did it for her, you know?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just to make her feel good, yeah.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_04: But if someone who who's like that with his family, yes, you're always gonna feel like he's gonna be mindful of your feelings, yes, and and making sure you're okay.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's how I view it.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: I never view that as a red flag.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And um there's nothing that I said to him about like therapy or like kind of insecurities, you know, because we all have insecurities and um nothing that I said, he made me feel judged.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, like even I was working through things, getting into a starting a relationship all over again.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: I had some insecurities that would come up, and he never made me feel like, oh, you know what?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm a little worried about it.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a little worried, or like this is like alarming.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: He we would really sit and talk, and that to me was very important.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: I love that and it's nice, and I I don't think people ever people really realize that, like, hey, you know, and it it how do I say this?
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny because when we had Susan on here a few months, and Susan is like in search of love, right?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like she is she's about to be 30 on Friday, so you will find love, Susan.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you better go out there, wish her a happy birthday, right?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's my Susan.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but she said something that like I think really aligns with what you're saying, and she's just I we had asked her, like, what gives you like what gives you the motivation to keep going and keep going out on these, like she means she told us some horror stories about dates and stuff.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: And she goes, There are seven billion people on earth.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like I refuse to believe that not a single one of them isn't my person.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like what you said now kind of proves that.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, at the most like weird, inopportune time in your life, you're like, but I also think you met somebody because you were ready.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: But so there's uh I also don't want to be sitting here telling everybody it's like uh super easy, super easy and like roses and beautiful.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: It it was hard.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was hard to get to where I am now, and it was hard even in the beginning of the marriage.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like we both were divorced and we both were in long marriages.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was married for a long time, he was married for even longer.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um so we both had to do a lot of unlearning, you know, because when you're in a marriage for a long time, this is what you know, this is the system, or like even this is how you know how you guys fight.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you and Hanan fight, it's different than if you and you and I fight.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of course, you know?
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: So um we had to do a lot of unlearning because I am not the other spouse, and he's not my ex-husband, you know.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: So it took time, yeah.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: It took a long time.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and say, Oh my god, it's amazing.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna find the love of your life and hyper-sonna be great.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, you really have to put in the work, and I love that because that's that's a huge thing, right?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it's funny because I my next question was gonna be like, you know, what do people romanticize about second marriages?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: And you're like, well, yeah, there's work that has to be done.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my, there's a lot of work that has to be done, and there's a lot of there's more work that has to be done, in my opinion, than a first marriage, especially in the beginning, because again, everybody's coming with their drama, yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and when you have kids also, you don't want to hurt the kid's feelings.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's sensitive about my kid, I'm sensitive about his kids.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a lot.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: And on top of that, we both come from different cultures.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it's very similar, uh, Indians and Egyptians, but it's also a different culture.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: So And there's I think different expectations, for example, like on your parents' side versus his parents' side.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: Not that not that I think like, you know, they're gonna get in the way or anything, but I think there's just things like cultural nuances that we don't really think about exactly that you end up dealing with.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: But no, I I love that I love that you gave the people like, you know, both like positive and you know, it's I wouldn't say it's negative, but like more like realistic expectations.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: Of what to you really have to, you really have to be willing to put in the work.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: You really have to.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you think you're you're just gonna it's just gonna go kiddah by itself and everything is just gonna sort itself out.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry to tell you that is not true.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, but I think you can say that for any marriage.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: You can say for any marriage, and I and I do think that that's a big part of it.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes two, it takes two, it takes two.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like if he's not, if if my husband was not willing also to put in the work, I don't think it would have worked out.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think both of us, we saw that we have qualities and we just really wanted it to have to work out.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: To work out, yeah.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I and I love that.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you said we both wanted it to work out.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like both of you guys were invested enough that you're, you know.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: So if you could like sum up your experience, like I said, your journey, right?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: In like a few words, from the beginning to where you are now, right?
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: From like getting married at a young age to to going through a divorce at what I still consider to be a young age, right?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, to finding love again, to being married again.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: And if you what for somebody that's going through something like this, right?
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_02: Where they're in the think about that, somebody that's in like the pits and pits of the worst possible, like they're so at the very bottom, rock bottom.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_02: On the other side of now, on the other side of that now, like what would you say to them?
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: Not just that it's gonna get better, like real coping, if you had real coping advice, something that really helps you cope to say, okay, and I'm not even saying guys go out and you're gonna find love again, but no, like if you're in that space where you feel like the world is just the worst it could be, what's advice that you can give them?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how did you cope with this?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: How did you cope to be who you are?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: Again, uh the same therapy, therapy and focusing on yourself and trying to be a better version of yourself, not for anybody else, but for yourself, but for yourself, yeah.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because once you're good, you're gonna be a better mom during the divorce.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're gonna be a better daughter, you're gonna be a better friend, you're gonna be a better person.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: Better daughter or son, if you're going through this.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we see you.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, yes.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, just work on yourself.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I would say.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Focus on yourself, work, invest in yourself.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: Invest in yourself.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, therapy is an investment.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: Some people say, Oh, you know, I'm I'm gonna sit with a person I don't know, and I'm gonna it took me like three people, like three therapists until I found my person.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my person.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: My person, my therapist.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: So and talk to people.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's yeah, I need there's no shame to reaching out for help, really.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so now for like closing fun question.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you have another, do you have a question?
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: I like to do all the work today.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: Lena showed up though.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_04: We've been having usually I'm the one doing all the questions.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_04: She really does.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: She asks questions, and usually I'm just like, oh, is this almost done?
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think you know what?
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's because you went through the entire process with me.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: So you feel more comfortable talking about it.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: I really think it's like to be honest with you guys, this is very insightful for the both of us because sometimes when Lena and I talk, it's like being in an echo chamber.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_04: Like we both have the same opinion.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like me and her, we're like, if we're ever single, we're moving and we can eat each other.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna have like that.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_04: That's a great idea.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: I know a lot of women do that now, and it's very and it's very successful in the way.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I can stay home and cook because I don't mind, I like cooking.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_04: I can hustle.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, you can go get the money for it.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's fine.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think I can hustle.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's no problem.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: Because honestly, like I really do, I really do think about that a lot when when her and I have these discussions.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: Living with Lena?
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: No, yes, living with Lena.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_02: No, like why people get married again?
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because yeah, I don't, and I knew that having you on, you would be able to eloquently address these questions.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because a lot of people are a lot of like, well, I'm doing it again because it was crap the first time and it's gonna be better the second time.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what are you doing to make sure it's gonna be better?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but see, I feel everybody's this is my experience.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: What we're talking about is just Nihan's experience.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, but I think everybody else's reason is different, even for a guy or a or a or a woman.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and there's some people that want to get married again for love.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's some people that want to get married again for companionship, there's some people that want to get married again because they feel like to prove something to the world, you know, or like prove something to their family.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I did not fail the first time, you know, it was not me.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um so it's different for for everyone.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: And there's people that don't want to get married again.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Good for them.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Hallo.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: I I do think, and it's like, and that's why I was always intrigued by this.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I never thought about like how would how do people approach this again?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, is it easy mean easy to find love?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't, it's not something that makes sense to me at all.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why people would ever do this again?
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think it's sweet when the people in my life that I love, like they had find happiness, right?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm always happy for I still don't get why people would do it again.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: I told you it's a chicken tikka masada.
• 37:38
  unknown: Exactly.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: She just had one bite, could never give it up.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: Addicted.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: Could you imagine if that was the reason?
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, people do things all the time for stupid reasons.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: She just over here, like, I don't really like Indian food.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_04: No, I like Indian food.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: I just don't like the like too much spice.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_04: I can't handle that.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_04: She's white.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'll tell him to put like that.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_04: And then you're such a jerk, she just called me white for all of my very white problems.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_04: And then she has other people sending comments saying Alina looks really white in the last episode.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, she's just, guys, she's just that's how she is.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can't even get like listen, it's either I get if I said in a-home people would say, Oh, hello gamila be the hello.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to translate to people what that means in the way that you the fairer you are, the more beautiful you are.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like freaking colonial.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's because we've been colonized, that's why.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna keep my.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_04: No, I can't, I can't.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_04: The problem is I don't tan.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_04: I it's either like freckles.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like, remember when we were at one?
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: She would turn into a giant freckle.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: She really does.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the sun and her are not somebody of her color, should not be outside without like a thick layer of like physical stuff.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_02: Khalas falati.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_04: Questions you're gonna ask, the fun questions you're gonna ask.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: We made her blush.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: Now she's not white, she's red.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, it's it's uh we we wouldn't have survived the last few months if it wasn't for Lena.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: Alhamdulillah.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, Alhamdulillah.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's been good.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so fun questions, right?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: In like, because of the fact that you guys are like obviously different cultures, different backgrounds, all of this stuff, in getting together, what's like what you're just laughing.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_03: You're laughing already.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: What's like one funny thing that you can share with folks about like sort of what that experience looks like?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think it's crazy.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's different, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: When you're getting married the first time and you guys are both young and your families are so involved, but at this point, you guys are like two full grown adults, right?
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you're still involving families and all of that.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, just I don't know, to say, share something fun with us.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think the funniest thing is when both our parents are together.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, really.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: My parents um don't speak Hindi, obviously.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, okay, and my in-laws, they don't speak English.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it's like everyone is lost in translation, like and everyone is so loud.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_01: My dad thinks if he speaks like in a higher tone, bilinglizi in English, he's yelling in English that they're gonna understand him.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, they're not, because they do not understand the language, and my in-laws, they think if they do like you know, the hand gestures more and they speak also higher tone in Hindi that my parents are gonna understand them.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like sitting there, and it's so hard because I also don't understand Hindi.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm but you know what you can get, they have these like um airpods type things.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh no, but uh they do.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: But we've been we've been together for six years.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: So six years ago, it was like this person is shouting in Arabic, and this person is shouting in English, and then at the end, everybody's like, ha ha laughing.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why are you guys laughing?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: You don't even understand what they said.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: So funny.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: I I love it.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: Uh usually.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so now here's like another fun one that I'd written down.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, um, because we talk about like we're again, we're not making it like, you know, all like roses and flowers and stuff, but it's still gotta be funny.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: What is like a really ridiculous argument that the two of you guys have had, right?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: That afterwards you were just like, what are we even fighting about?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because you did say you did tell us a story a couple weeks ago that I thought was hilarious.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: The chicken.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the chicken story that made me laugh so hard.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, in our culture, in the Arab culture, we have to have protein.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you you on during dinner or lunch, lesm.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: You have to have either uh beef, chicken, chicken, fish, yes.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like seriously.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: But in that is like we're gonna make you a t-shirt that says, you know, syllab, something like that.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: But in the Indian culture, no, you can go for a long time without there's a lot of plant-based proteins.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's correct.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: So my husband was like, I ask him usually, baby, what do you want to eat tomorrow?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then he'll say, like this or that, but any if I asked the kids too.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: So he has gotten really good at making Indian food, by the way.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like really good.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: So he's like, Oh, yeah, can you make this like lentils that I like with rice?
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Yeah, sure.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: I made the lentils with the rice, and then I made chicken, grilled chicken, okay.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just for me.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I got up and I made us both plates.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then I put a piece of chicken for him.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: For him, okay.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because I forgot that he wanted that he does not want chicken.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then after he ate it, he looks and was like, Baby, do you like the food?
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then he's like, Yeah, I like it.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: But why is there chicken?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_01: I said I don't want chicken.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you already finished your chicken.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: At this point, they're like actually arguing about this.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, and then we just started arguing about the chicken.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: The need for the chicken when they're for the chicken.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_04: So it's just no, I I I you know I like that.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: I think I would I would do well in Indian culture because I'm not a big like you're not really, I'd rather do like, you know, chickpeas, beans, alcohol.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: I eat a lot of chickpeas.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_04: I can like do beans and rice and survive on that.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_04: Like any kind of beans, any kind of lentils, like I'm down for that.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we eat a lot of beans and a lot of lentils and the only thing's house.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and the only the only thing like like chicken, that's it.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_04: I don't do seafood or or like red, like really red beef.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh the only time Lena was like actually wanting to eat red meat when she was pregnant.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_04: Remember when I ordered the beef and broccoli?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_04: Never in my life would I eat because honestly, like her body actually needed that iron or something.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_04: And I was telling her, and she was like, What?
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_04: You want like she knows.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was mind blown.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, I want beef and broccoli, like Chinese food, beef and broccoli.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, okay, this will get to have a lot of things.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: I was on by breast in the hospital, so she was gonna come see me.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, dude, she's like, What do you need?
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, This is she she's like, What?
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_04: Since when?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, yeah, it's like it's like the pregnancy craving.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: It is, it was so it was so weird.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I actually enjoyed it, which I don't never enjoy it now.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead, sorry.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: So now, like, closing question, right?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_02: So now, like, obviously, your advice would be like, hey guys, if you're don't make a lot of chicken.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's her advice, not on marriage, which is don't make a lot of chicken.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: But if you like, obviously you recommend getting married again, right?
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: I do, but that's based on my experience because I felt ready to meet.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: So don't go in into it if someone is forcing you or somebody somebody's telling you, oh, when are you gonna are you you're not like are you not thinking about somebody else?
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: How do I translate that is lota?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's something you hear all the time.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: He's a catch.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, even if he's a catch, a batch, whatever.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're an Egyptian mom, right?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: Rhyming things with each other.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_01: You'll really have to be ready again, and that goes back to so you can be fair to the other person, and to yourself.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, of course.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for coming on with us.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: I hope you guys found this insightful.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: I know I did, right?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I might put some behind the scenes footage for you guys with these two.
• 45:10
  unknown: Exactly.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_04: So I thank you until next time.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks, guys.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_04: See you soon.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.