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X Minus One - "How - 2" (1956) · Old Time Sci-Fi Radio | Old Time Radio

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: In a 21st century suburban home, kit builder Gordon Knight
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: orders a robotic dog and receives a far larger robot
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: kit instead. The completed robot, Albert, is eager to help.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: But as his work changes the Knight household and attracts
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: the notice of the kit company and public authorities, Gordon
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: faces questions of ownership and responsibility. From NBC, this is X-1,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: episode 45, How To, first heard April 3rd, 1956. Adapted
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: for radio by William Welch from Clifford D. Simak's novelette,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: first published in Galaxy Science Fiction, the broadcast is directed
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: by Daniel Sutter and features Alan Bunce, Ann Seymour, Les Damon,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: and Santos Ortega. Now, back to the golden age of radio.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Now stay tuned for X-1 on NBC. Countdown for blastoff.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: X-5, 4, 3, 2, X-1, fire. From the far horizons
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: of the unknown come transcribed tales of new dimensions in
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: time and space. These are stories of the future. Adventures
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: in which you'll live in a million could be years
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company, in
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine, presents.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: X minus 1.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Tonight, Clifford D. Simak's story of the 21st century, How To.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Build your own three-dimensional color TV set. Complete kit, screwdriver
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: assembly in three hours.
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: Now, I've done that.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: Well, let's see. A dog is man's best friend. Build
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: your own dog. Complete kit, Spaniel model, only $ 250. Yeah, hey,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: that's it. My next project.
• 3:07
  Speaker 5: Gordon, is that you?
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hi.
• 3:09
  Speaker 6: Where are you?
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: On the terrace. I'm just finishing a landscape.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: Oh, hi. Yeah, Grace, look, did it come?
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: Don't kiss me. You'll get all full of paint.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I wasn't going to. Where is the package?
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: They set it against the side of the house. Over there, see?
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, it came, huh? I want to look at it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: I would have put it down in the basement, but
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: I couldn't lift it.
• 3:24
  Speaker 7: Hey, this is pretty heavy for a spaniel.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: I can't lift this myself.
• 3:29
  Speaker 8: I'll start dinner as soon as I finish this part
• 3:31
  Speaker 8: of the picture. I want to get the grass while
• 3:33
  Speaker 8: the light's right.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Yes, all right. So no hurry. I want to examine
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: the kid anyhow.
• 3:36
  Speaker 8: Of course, if you didn't waste our money on things
• 3:38
  Speaker 8: like dog kits, maybe we could afford a robot and
• 3:41
  Speaker 8: I wouldn't.
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: Have to cook. Yeah, yeah.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: All right, all right, all right, all right.
• 3:44
  Speaker 5: There. That should be enough for now. The light's beginning
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: to get tricky. Good night. You're not going to open
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: that thing here on the terrace. Now, you'll make a mess.
• 3:55
  Speaker 9: I just want to see the parts.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Look.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: You know, this thing's too big and heavy to be
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: a dog kit.
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: Maybe it's a Great Dane.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, it can't be. Look, here's the shipping tag.
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: From How-To Kits, Inc. to Gordon Knight.
• 4:08
  Speaker 8: One dog kit, spaniel model, $ 250, paid in full.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: The Great Dane costs $ 350.
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: Well, all I can say is that must be the
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: world's biggest spaniel.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Hey, you know, that's darn funny.
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: I told you, I don't want you fooling around with
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: it up here. Now take it down in the basement.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Grace, this can't be a dog kit. You know what
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: I think? It's a robot.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: A robot? But you didn't order a robot. Or did you?
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: No, no, certainly not. They made a shipping error. That's
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: about the size of it. Ah, doggone it.
• 4:37
  Speaker 7: I'll have to put this crate back together again and
• 4:39
  Speaker 7: call the express company.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: Are you going to return it?
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Well, certainly I'm going to return it. You don't think
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: we can keep it, do you?
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: Well, why not? The tag says paid in full, so
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: they can't say we owe them anything.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: But it's a robot. They're expensive.
• 4:51
  Speaker 8: Well, I don't see how the company will ever know.
• 4:53
  Speaker 8: When inventory time comes around, there'll be short one robot
• 4:56
  Speaker 8: and long one dog.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 4:59
  Speaker 7: Plus, I've always wanted to put together a real robot.
• 5:01
  Speaker 7: Lord knows when I'd get another chance.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: Then it's settled.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, it is not settled either.
• 5:07
  Speaker 7: I'll tell you what. I'll put it together just to
• 5:10
  Speaker 7: see what it's like. But I won't activate it, see?
• 5:12
  Speaker 7: I mean, I'll, you know, disassemble it right away and
• 5:15
  Speaker 7: ship it back to the company.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Well, there we are. Grace, look, look at it. Isn't
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: that a beauty, though?
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: You finished?
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: Well, all but the activating. Grace.
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: What?
• 5:39
  Speaker 7: You know, I was just thinking, how do I know
• 5:42
  Speaker 7: I've got all the parts adjusted properly?
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: I haven't the remotest idea.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: No, you know, I mean, the only sure way would
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: be to test it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: You mean activate?
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Well, only for a minute or two, you understand. I mean,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: just to be sure.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: Then what?
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Well, then I'll disassemble it naturally. Well, all right.
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: As long as you don't take too long.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. I'll have it in a jiffy. Now, here, look.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: You see, all I have to do is just put
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: on the activating plate and turn this lock nut in
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: like so. Now, wait a minute. Just adjust the automatic
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: current control. Uh-huh.
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Now, that should do it. Now, stand back. Stand back.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: I'll turn it on.
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: Well, I hope it works.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, it'll work. It'll work. I followed the directions to
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: the letter. You ready?
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: Now.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: It works! Yeah, I'll have to oil that joint. Wait. Grace,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: it's moving its head.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: My name is Albert. I am a robot. What is
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: there to do?
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: Well, It certainly has a nice voice.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Now, now, now, take it easy, Albert. Just sit down
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: and rest, and we'll have a little talk.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: There's no need to rest. I was made to work.
• 6:54
  Speaker 8: Well, as long as he, uh, it, doesn't need to rest,
• 6:57
  Speaker 8: I can think of a hundred things for it to do. Now,
• 6:59
  Speaker 8: there's the house and the.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: Garden and the lawn.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, look, Grace, I.
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: I wonder if he could learn to cook.
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: A robot can be taught to do anything a person
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: can do.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: No, no, hold on a minute, uh, Albert, please, and
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: listen to me. We can't keep you, you understand. I mean,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: you were sent here by mistake. But, I mean, as
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: long as you're activated, there wouldn't be any harm in
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: letting you do a few things.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: I can do anything.
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: Good. The whole house needs a thorough cleaning.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: Then, of course, I'd like some new drapes for the study.
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: No, no.
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: And the kitchen hasn't been painted for four years. Then
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: there's that leaky faucet.
• 7:29
  Speaker 10: Oh, Lord.
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: What's the matter?
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: Attachments. There aren't any. He can't do all that stuff
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: without attachments. They cost almost as much as the robot itself.
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about attachments. Just tell me what's to be done.
• 7:40
  Speaker 9: Well.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: You heard my wife.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: Oh, what about your grounds?
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, I got a hundred beat-up acres that need attention, but...
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: Of course, I realize that that's too much work, huh?
• 7:51
  Speaker 10: Don't worry about a thing. I can fix it for you.
• 7:54
  Speaker 10: I will make the necessary attachments.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Make your own attachments?
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: Don't worry about a thing.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but how?
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: Oh, for heaven's sake, stop arguing with him and let
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: him get to work.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: I'm not arguing.
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: Morning, Gordon. Your coffee's ready. How'd you sleep, dear?
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, not so good. I kept hearing noises all night.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: Oh, that was Albert working in the basement.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: Albert? Hey, gosh, that's right. I forgot robots don't sleep.
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: He was working all night.
• 8:27
  Speaker 8: When I came into the kitchen just now, I found
• 8:29
  Speaker 8: the breakfast all prepared. He can cook. Isn't that wonderful?
• 8:33
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: What's he doing now?
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know. Making something, I think.
• 8:37
  Speaker 8: Oh, Gordon, he's going to be such a tremendous help
• 8:39
  Speaker 8: to me. I'll be able to spend more time than
• 8:41
  Speaker 8: ever with my painting.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Now, wait a minute.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: What makes you think we can keep him? I mean, no, no, Grace.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: I mean, we could get into trouble.
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: I don't see how.
• 8:47
  Speaker 8: I'll tell you what. Why don't you walk over and
• 8:49
  Speaker 8: call on Anson Lee? He could advise you.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: What does he know about it?
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: He's a lawyer.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Well, technically, he's a lawyer. I mean, he never seems
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: to work at it anymore.
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: Well, you have to understand, Anson, that's all.
• 9:00
  Speaker 7: Look, I understand him all right. He's a reactionary, a
• 9:03
  Speaker 7: throwback to the 20th century. Spends all his time lying
• 9:06
  Speaker 7: in a hammock, drinking and reading Proust.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: Well, it's what he enjoys doing.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: I'll bet that guy never assembled a kit in his life.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Can you imagine that?
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: Well, we all have our peculiarities.
• 9:16
  Speaker 8: Just the same, he could give you legal advice.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Well, all right, all right.
• 9:20
  Speaker 7: I'll go over after breakfast. If it'll make you feel
• 9:21
  Speaker 7: any happier, pass the cream.
• 9:23
  Speaker 10: The End.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I'll have a drink, Knight. Hard cider. Made it myself.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Thought you didn't go in for home projects, Lee. I don't.
• 9:47
  Speaker 11: Making this cider was the first honest work I've done
• 9:50
  Speaker 11: in years.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: I don't doubt it.
• 9:53
  Speaker 11: Every time I get a yin to work, I look
• 9:54
  Speaker 11: across at your place and I decide against it. How
• 9:58
  Speaker 11: many rooms have you added to that house since you've
• 10:00
  Speaker 11: got it built?
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: Eight.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Good Lord. Eight rooms. No, no, no.
• 10:04
  Speaker 7: It's not hard once you get the next kind of fun.
• 10:07
  Speaker 7: You just buy a how-to kit.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Sure, I know. Just follow directions. That's right. Anybody can
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: build a robot on a kitchen table. Well, no thanks.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Why do you say that? What? What do you mean
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: about building a robot? Oh, I don't know. I suppose
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: I expect you to start building one any time now.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: You've done everything else.
• 10:27
  Speaker 11: What's got into people these days and nights?
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: They just aren't equipped to enjoy their leisure. That is,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: most of them aren't.
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: Me?
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I am. I read, and I lie in a hammock,
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: and now and again I even think. Yes, I guess
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: that makes me an eccentric. Here, have another drink. Oh, no, no, no, no, thanks.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: I'll have to get back to my place.
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: Albert albert you call me sir.
• 10:57
  Speaker 7: Yes albert listen to me i um albert i have
• 11:00
  Speaker 7: reached a decision about you but.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I'm not albert sir i huh you would hardly expect
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: albert to be clipping hedges well if you're not albert
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: who are.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: You abe albert is down in the basement.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, what are you doing here? Where did you come from?
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: If you wish to talk to me, you will have
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: to move along the hedge with me.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: I cannot stop working.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay, okay. Move along. But where did you come from?
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: Albert made me.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Albert made you?
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: And now he's down in the basement working on Alfred.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: Alfred? Another robot?
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: Certainly. That is what Albert is for. He makes robots.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, no. Albert!
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: Oh, there you are.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Albert, what's going on here?
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: I'm reproducing.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: What?
• 11:52
  Speaker 10: I have a built-in mother urge. I don't know why
• 11:56
  Speaker 10: they named me Albert. I should have had a female name.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, but you shouldn't be able to make robots.
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: Look, boss, you worry a lot. You want robots, don't you?
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I guess everybody could use a robot.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: I make robots. I'm making all you need.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Albert, Albert, put down that head and listen to me.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: I want to have a serious talk.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: Sure, boss. What's on your mind?
• 12:21
  Speaker 7: Now, Albert, I just looked through your packing case and
• 12:24
  Speaker 7: I found this tag.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: Look, it says X-190. X, Albert. Don't you understand? That
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: means you're an experimental model.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: That's correct.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: You were never meant to be sold.
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: That is also correct.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: I know. Don't you see? That means trouble. I can't
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: keep you.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: I've already taken care of that.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: How do you mean?
• 12:42
  Speaker 10: I filed off my serial number and replated the surface.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: Why did you do that?
• 12:47
  Speaker 10: So that they can't come around and take me back.
• 12:49
  Speaker 10: They made me, and then they got scared and shut
• 12:52
  Speaker 10: me off. But you're not afraid of me. You assembled
• 12:55
  Speaker 10: me and let me go to work. I'm sticking with you, boss.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Wait a minute. This could mean a lot of trouble
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: for me, Albert.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: No trouble.
• 13:02
  Speaker 10: They can't prove a thing. I'll swear that you made me.
• 13:07
  Speaker 10: I'll not let them take me back. They will take
• 13:09
  Speaker 10: no chances next time. They'll break me up for scrap.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Oh, but look, if you make too many robots... Robots
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: are useful.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: You need a lot of them in this place. Now,
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: don't worry, boss. Everything will work out.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: I'll take good care of you.
• 13:22
  Speaker 10: Yeah. Now, I must go back to work. Adelbert is
• 13:25
  Speaker 10: nearly finished.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Mr. Knight, I'm from the county tax office. Tax assessor. Oh,
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I didn't know you fellas came around more than once
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: a year. Ordinarily, we don't. This is a special case.
• 13:44
  Speaker 10: Oh?
• 13:45
  Speaker 9: Made a lot of improvements in the place the past
• 13:46
  Speaker 9: few days. Landscaping, painting, building.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: Well.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Afraid I'll have to boost your assessment some. I see.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Heard about those robots of yours, too. Uh, robots?
• 13:57
  Speaker 9: Personal property, you know. Have to pay a tax on them.
• 14:00
  Speaker 9: Just how many have you got?
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Oh, one or two. I've been counting.
• 14:04
  Speaker 9: They move around so fast I can't be sure, but
• 14:07
  Speaker 9: I estimate the number at 38.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: Is that right? If you say so. 38 it is, then.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: They cost $ 10, 000 apiece. I'll assess them at five. Let's see.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: That's $ 190, 000. Oh, no. Hey, that's pretty steep. But I'm
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: going easy on you. By rights, I should only allow
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: you a third for depreciation. Well, that's it, Mr.
• 14:26
  Speaker 10: Knight.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: $ 190, 000.
• 14:26
  Speaker 10: Wait.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: We'll send you the bill with your quarterly statement. But
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: good day. Good day. Albert, look, I've been holding off
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: until we got the new landscaping job under control, but
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I can't hold off any longer, any longer. I mean,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: we got to start selling some of the robots.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: Selling?
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: Yeah, 20 of them. That should do for a start.
• 14:50
  Speaker 7: The tax assessor was here. I need the cash.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: You can't sell the robots, boss.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Why can't I?
• 14:56
  Speaker 10: Because they're my family, my boys. Named after me, all
• 15:00
  Speaker 10: of them.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Albert, I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: They're all I've got, boss. You wouldn't sell your own children,
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: would you?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 15:07
  Speaker 10: All their names start with A, just like mine. Abe, Adelbert, Alfred, Adam, Aaron, Anton, Axel.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: All right, all right, all right.
• 15:14
  Speaker 7: Don't go through the whole roll call.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: I mean, the point is I need the money.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: Don't you worry, boss. I'll fix everything.
• 15:20
  Speaker 10: You have nothing to worry about.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: The point is, Mr.
• 15:31
  Speaker 11: Knight, the Internal Revenue Department is always interested when a
• 15:34
  Speaker 11: citizen shows a substantial capital gain during the year.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Capital gain? I haven't made any capital gain. Oh, come, come, sir.
• 15:40
  Speaker 11: I'm talking about the matter of some 52 robots. Well,
• 15:44
  Speaker 11: as I understand it, their retail value... It's $ 10, 000 each.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: So they say. 52 times 10,000 is $ 520, 000. On capital gains,
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: you pay 50% or $ 260, 000. A tax roughly of $ 130, 000.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: What do I do?
• 15:49
  Speaker 11: By the 15th of next month, you must file a
• 15:51
  Speaker 11: declaration of estimated income. You pay half of the due
• 16:09
  Speaker 11: tax at that time and the balance in monthly installments.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: Monthly installments. And there's one other matter. One other matter?
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: We investigated.
• 16:17
  Speaker 12: We found you make $ 10, 000 a year. Would you tell me,
• 16:22
  Speaker 12: out of personal curiosity, you understand, just how a man
• 16:27
  Speaker 12: of your particular means could show a capital gain of
• 16:29
  Speaker 12: a half a million dollars in so short a time?
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: I'm beginning to wonder myself. Well, our only concern is
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: you pay your tax. Yeah.
• 16:41
  Speaker 11: However, some other branch of the federal government might very
• 16:44
  Speaker 11: well want.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: To ask some questions sometime.
• 16:47
  Speaker 13: Oh?
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: How are you, Mr.
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: Knight?
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I'll be ready with some answers. Yeah. Good day. Good day.
• 16:53
  Speaker 14: Good day.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Albert, now look, I tell you, this is a crisis.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Do you understand?
• 17:05
  Speaker 7: Like it or not, I have got to sell some
• 17:07
  Speaker 7: of your boys, a whole bunch of them.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: Boss, I told you not to worry.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Not to worry. Listen, I just came from the income
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: tax people. I owe the government a cool 130 grand,
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: and those boys don't fool around. I'm desperate.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: Money is no trouble, boss.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: Come here. Come where?
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: Over here. Look at this.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: What's this? What, those bales? What have they got? Don't
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: tell me.
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: Full of money, boss. Help yourself.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: You mean the actual real money in those bales? Not
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: stage money now.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: Real money, boss. No ones, of course, but lots of
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: tens and twenties.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: That bale over there is full of fifties.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Full of fifties.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: We didn't fool around with the ones.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: Albert, look me in the eye. Did you... Did you
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: make that money?
• 17:54
  Speaker 10: You said you needed it. We took some bills and
• 17:57
  Speaker 10: analyzed the ink. I found out how to weave the
• 17:59
  Speaker 10: paper and made plates. I hate to sound immodest, boss, but...
• 18:03
  Speaker 10: They're beautiful.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh. I'm a counterfeiter, too.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: We just ran off as much as we thought you'd need.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: If it's not enough, we'll make some more.
• 18:11
  Speaker 9: It's enough.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Not another dollar.
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: Well, you're the boss.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Albert, listen to me. There are laws in this country.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, you just can't go out and print money.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: That's a crime. Don't you understand? Now, look, you take
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: it all outside and burn it right up. You understand?
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: And don't print any more. That is an order.
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: Gordon, are you down here?
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I'm busy.
• 18:27
  Speaker 8: I hate to disturb you, dear, but I thought you ought.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: To know about the sheriff.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: I don't want to know the sheriff.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: He was here with a subpoena, or whatever you call them.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: That's what you call them.
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: Seems the how-to company's going to sue us.
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, no, all right, that does it, that does it.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: Gordon, where are you going?
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: To see my lawyer. Well, offhand, old man, I'd say
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: you were in quite a jam.
• 18:57
  Speaker 7: I didn't have to walk all the way over here
• 18:58
  Speaker 7: to find that out. The point is, Lee, what in
• 19:00
  Speaker 7: the name of heaven can I do? Well, first, you'll
• 19:03
  Speaker 7: have to file a declaration of estimated income.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Even if I can't pay? Well, especially if you can't pay. Oh?
• 19:09
  Speaker 13: Technically, then, you haven't violated the law, and all they
• 19:12
  Speaker 13: can do is to try to collect what you owe.
• 19:15
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: They'll probably slap an attachment on your bank account. What
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: bank account? I'm broke.
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 19:22
  Speaker 11: Well, then I'd say your major worry is the how-to
• 19:25
  Speaker 11: company suit. Now, if I were you, I'd settle it
• 19:28
  Speaker 11: out of court.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Out of court?
• 19:29
  Speaker 9: Mm-hmm.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: They might call off the action if you returned all
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: the robots. Albert says he'll testify that I made him.
• 19:35
  Speaker 13: Well, Albert can't testify. As a robot, he has no
• 19:38
  Speaker 13: standing in court. Oh, you better give them back and
• 19:41
  Speaker 13: get what terms you can.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. I won't do it. Huh? I won't.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: Don't you see? They don't want Albert back because they
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: can use him. They want to break him up to
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: maintain their... robot prices. Don't you see? It might be
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: a thousand years before his principle is rediscovered, if it
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: ever is.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Would that be bad?
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:59
  Speaker 7: Only time will tell that. But, I mean, you could
• 20:01
  Speaker 7: say the same thing about any great invention. Look, no,
• 20:03
  Speaker 7: I will not.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: Let them destroy Albert. Yes, I see your point, Knightes.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: And I like it. You like it? Uh-huh. I'll take
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: the case. Now, of course, I ought to warn you,
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: I'm not a very good lawyer. I know. I don't
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: work hard enough at it. But I do have a chance, huh?
• 20:19
  Speaker 11: In all my practice at law, Knight, I never saw
• 20:21
  Speaker 11: a man who'd gotten himself as fouled up as this.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: I'd say your chances are nil.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: Boss?
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: It's Albert.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: Boss, I heard about the suit.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's all right, Albert.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: Mr.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Lee here is going to handle our case.
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: We robots want to help.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: Oh, yes, there is. I'm building a lawyer robot.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: He's building a lawyer robot?
• 20:44
  Speaker 10: With far greater memory capacity than any human. And with
• 20:48
  Speaker 10: brain computers that operate on logic. That's what law is
• 20:52
  Speaker 10: based on, isn't it?
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Logic. Well, so I've heard. But it won't work, Albert.
• 20:58
  Speaker 13: To practice law, you must be admitted to the bar.
• 21:01
  Speaker 13: To be admitted to the bar, you must have a
• 21:02
  Speaker 13: degree in law and pass an examination. And although there's
• 21:06
  Speaker 13: never been an occasion to establish a precedent, I suspect
• 21:09
  Speaker 13: the applicant must be human.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Lee, wait a minute. What about law clerks? I mean,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: they don't have to be human. Well, I'd say that
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: was completely true. Yeah, then Albert's robots can be clerks. Well,
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: could be.
• 21:21
  Speaker 7: See what I mean?
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 21:22
  Speaker 11: It's never been done, but there's nothing in the law
• 21:25
  Speaker 11: that says it can't be done.
• 21:26
  Speaker 10: Then it's settled. I'll make a dozen to start. Each
• 21:29
  Speaker 10: one will be an expert in one phase of the law. Boss,
• 21:32
  Speaker 10: you're going to have the most powerful battery of legal
• 21:35
  Speaker 10: talent ever assembled under one roof.
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: Quiet in the court.
• 21:48
  Speaker 10: Mr.
• 21:48
  Speaker 6: Lee, what is the meaning of this outrage? What outrage,
• 21:52
  Speaker 6: Your Honor?
• 21:53
  Speaker 14: Those robots sitting at the defense table.
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: These, your honor, are my valued assistants. Robots? Yes, your honor.
• 22:01
  Speaker 6: Take them away. They have no standing in this court.
• 22:04
  Speaker 13: If your honor will excuse me, they need no standing.
• 22:07
  Speaker 13: I am the sole representative of the defendants. My client
• 22:10
  Speaker 13: is a poor man, and he is opposed by the
• 22:12
  Speaker 13: most formidable array of legal talent money can buy. Now,
• 22:16
  Speaker 13: surely the court will not deny him whatever assistance he's
• 22:18
  Speaker 13: been able to muster?
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: This, sir, is highly irregular.
• 22:22
  Speaker 13: If it please your honor, I should like to point
• 22:24
  Speaker 13: out that we live in a mechanized age. The court
• 22:27
  Speaker 13: clerk uses a machine to take down the transcript of
• 22:30
  Speaker 13: these very proceedings. To my certain knowledge, no court has
• 22:34
  Speaker 13: ever challenged the presence of such a device as an
• 22:36
  Speaker 13: aid to the furtherance of justice. Now, if your honor
• 22:39
  Speaker 13: can point out anything in the law specifically barring these
• 22:42
  Speaker 13: robots from the court.
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: That's ridiculous, sir. Of course there is no such provision.
• 22:47
  Speaker 14: At no time anywhere did anyone dream such a contingency
• 22:49
  Speaker 14: would arise.
• 22:50
  Speaker 6: In that case, sir, I ask the court for a
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: favorable ruling.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: Mr.
• 22:54
  Speaker 14: Lee, as you point out, there is no precedent for
• 22:57
  Speaker 14: my ruling in any way but in your favor. Therefore, sir,
• 23:01
  Speaker 14: with reluctance, I do so at this time.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: And what kind of a day has it been?
• 23:13
  Speaker 15: It's a day in which a new kind of trial
• 23:14
  Speaker 15: has suddenly captured the imagination of the public. A trial
• 23:17
  Speaker 15: in which a man accused of misappropriating a robot has
• 23:20
  Speaker 15: brought into court a whole battery of robots to aid
• 23:22
  Speaker 15: in his defense.
• 23:28
  Speaker 13: To give validity to their argument, Your Honor, it must
• 23:31
  Speaker 13: first be proved that these robots are, in fact, the
• 23:34
  Speaker 13: property of the plaintiff. That is the issue at trial.
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: In this case.
• 23:41
  Speaker 15: So in the now famous robot case, the issue has
• 23:44
  Speaker 15: come down to this. Was the robot stolen or was
• 23:46
  Speaker 15: he liberated? It is a far-reaching question indeed.
• 23:50
  Speaker 13: Your Honor, I have already established that robots are possessed
• 23:58
  Speaker 13: of free will, that they have the power of reasoning,
• 24:02
  Speaker 13: and that they can most certainly reproduce. As to my
• 24:06
  Speaker 13: worthy opponent's fourth contention, that they have no spiritual sense,
• 24:11
  Speaker 13: I contend that this is irrelevant.
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: There are agnostics and atheists.
• 24:14
  Speaker 13: In the human race, and in general, no one has
• 24:18
  Speaker 13: denied them their full rights.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: On this count. And so the trial has at last
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: come to its end.
• 24:28
  Speaker 15: The whole nation, indeed the whole world, awaits the momentous
• 24:31
  Speaker 15: decision which must be handed down. In Washington, D.C., Treasury
• 24:34
  Speaker 15: officials have been meeting steadily for a week to find
• 24:37
  Speaker 15: some way to avoid the loss of the enormous taxes
• 24:39
  Speaker 15: on robots in the event the decision rendered is in
• 24:41
  Speaker 15: favor of the defense. One high government official has said
• 24:44
  Speaker 15: that if robots are declared free and equal, it means
• 24:47
  Speaker 15: they must be given full citizen rights under the Constitution. Already,
• 24:51
  Speaker 15: the chairman of both major political parties are mapping campaigns
• 24:54
  Speaker 15: to corner the robot vote.
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: Welcome home, darling.
• 25:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, thank you.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: But what's going on here, Grace? I have more trouble
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: getting into my own home than into the Pentagon.
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: Oh, you mean the robots? They've set up a defense perimeter.
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: A defense perimeter?
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: Uh-huh.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Albert.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: Hello, boss. Welcome home.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Albert, what is the meaning of all the barbed wire
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: and the rocket launchers?
• 25:27
  Speaker 10: Just precautions, boss. We're ready for any situation.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Such as?
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, like a mob deciding to take justice into its
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: own hands, for instance.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Or if the decision goes against us?
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: That too, boss.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: Dear, you two go on and talk. I've really got
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: to get back to my painting. I have a beautiful
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: still life, and I simply got to finish.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I finished. Albert, listen. You can't fight the
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: whole world.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: We won't go back.
• 25:50
  Speaker 10: How two kits incorporated will never lay a hand on
• 25:53
  Speaker 10: me or any of my children.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Now, but this is madness, don't you understand? They'd get
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: you with one bomb. And me, too.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Better to die fighting, boss, than to live in chains.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: That's our motto. No matter what happens, we're ready for
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: the decision.
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: The court is ready to render its decision.
• 26:19
  Speaker 14: It is the most difficult decision I have ever made,
• 26:22
  Speaker 14: for in following the letter of the law, I fear
• 26:25
  Speaker 14: I may be.
• 26:25
  Speaker 6: Subverting its spirit.
• 26:28
  Speaker 14: After long days of earnest consideration of both the law
• 26:30
  Speaker 14: and the evidence as presented in this court, I find
• 26:34
  Speaker 14: for the defendant, Gordon Knight.
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: I cannot rule otherwise.
• 26:42
  Speaker 14: May I add that this ruling, in spite of the
• 26:45
  Speaker 14: fact that I myself made it, outrages my social conscience.
• 26:58
  Speaker 6: You did it, boss. You did it.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: We're free.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: Yes, Albert. We sure did it. Where's my wife?
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: In the studio, painting.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: Not another landscape.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Her fifth this week. She's doing very well.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, isn't she?
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: And I am working on a new robot for her.
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: A painter. Soon she won't have to bother doing it herself.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: That's nice.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: And you won't have to do anything anymore either, boss.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: Not a thing.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: We're going to take care of you from here on out.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: Did I tell you about my new children yet?
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think so.
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: Alice, Angeline, Agnes, Agatha, Alberta, and Abigail.
• 27:34
  Speaker 9: Daughters?
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: Six of them, boss.
• 27:36
  Speaker 10: And all with a built-in reproducing instinct just like mine.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 27:40
  Speaker 10: They're down in the basement now, turning out robots.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: We've got everything worked out for you, boss. You won't
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: have to worry about a thing for the rest of
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: your life.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: No, Albert. Not a thing. You have just heard X-1
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: presented by the National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Galaxy
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: Science Fiction Magazine, which this month features Name Your Symptom
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: by Jim Harmon, a story of a future in which
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: anyone who shunned the cure needed to have his head examined,
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: assuming he still had one left. Galaxy Magazine on your
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: newsstand today. Tonight by transcription, X-1 has brought you How To,
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: a story from the pages of Galaxy written by Clifford D.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Simak and adapted for radio by William Welch. Featured in
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: the cast were Alan Bunce, Anne Seymour, Les Damon, Joseph Bell,
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: James Monks, William Key, Lawson Zerbe, Santos Ortega, and Ben Brower.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Your announcer, Fred Collins. X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: and is an NBC Radio Network production.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Hear Politics and Primaries, Dateline, Illinois and Wisconsin, tonight on
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: NBC Radio.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: X-Minus One concludes with episode 45, How To. Good night,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: and thank you for keeping Classic Radio company. Follow old-time
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: sci-fi radio for more classic science fiction broadcasts.