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Making Bids & Turning Towards in Relationships · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate the Podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Salian Markman, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: In thoughtful, deeply supportive DMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to share on a topic that some of you may not have come across before.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something that I call making bids and turning towards.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in my work with clients who are wondering whether to stay or go, or they're in a relationship and they really want to up level it, I often bring this up.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And staying in a relationship means turning towards, so turning towards the other person.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really interesting that a tendency to turn towards our partner, to turn towards the other person in a relationship is a key indicator of the health and survival or longevity of a relationship.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm actually not only talking here about our relationships with our intimate partner, because this stuff applies to all relationships with friends, with family, with your siblings, work colleagues, even with your ex, if you're still connected via children or you're navigating your way through a separation or a divorce, this applies.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And also with your kids, if you have kids, turning towards is really important, not only in building a closer relationship with them as parent child, but in terms of teaching them about relationships.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So as I said before, turning towards the other person in our relationship, turning towards each other is a key indicator of the health, the success, the longevity of a relationship.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So turning towards the other person, be it our child, our partner, responding to a request, a request for or an attempt at attention and connection for communication builds trust and it builds a stronger emotional connection, which then feeds on itself and builds on itself even more.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Emotionally connected couples trust more deeply, which, as I said, builds an even deeper connection and so on and so on.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: It feeds on itself.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're talking here about an intimate partnership, emotional connection and trust leads to more intimacy, better passion, and yep, even better sex.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So there are good reasons to turn towards.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But what do I mean when I say that?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: What do I mean when I say turning towards?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is not purely my idea, but it's one developed or um spoken about by Dr.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: John Gottman, who's a relationship researcher and therapist.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's really simple, but it's really, really important.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Gottman talks about bids.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Bids and turning towards.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And in my coaching, I add in defining the container of our relationship, where we map out exactly how we want the relationship we're in to look and feel, be it with our intimate partner, our mate, with our co-parent, or our mother-in-law.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: We define the container of the relationship.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: But going into that a little more deeply is probably a whole episode in and of itself.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: But as I said, Gottman talks about couples making bids, be that for attention or connection, and couples who turn towards one another.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the really, really interesting thing about couples who have long-lasting relationships.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the depth of intimacy in their conversations or connections that matter.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that they agree all the time.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't actually matter whether they agree or they disagree.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: The really important thing is that people in successful, connected, happy, long-lasting relationships pay attention to one another.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to each other regardless of what they're talking about.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: They turn towards each other.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, when I talk about that, I'm saying physically, yes, but also metaphorically.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: They meet their partner when their partner offers them something, be that an interaction, a conversation, a comment, a compliment, a question, a request, even a sigh.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: They meet their partner whenever there's a request to connect, or what Gottman would call a bid, if you like.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can call it reaching out, a pitch, or a call, a request, a petition, whatever you call it, it's an important component of this connection.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it is an asking of the other.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's a seeking to connect.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Couples with healthy, happy, soulful, connected relationships constantly make and accept bids to connect.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: But what are bids?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Bids are the countless tiny moments, tiny interactions or engagements, those small contact points each day that make up a life, make up a life together, where people, where couples make attempts to connect with each other.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: A bid is any attempt from you to your partner, or vice versa, asking often really subtly for attention, for affection, for affirmation, for connection.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And a bid might be as small and as simple as a smile, or it could be as big as asking for help with a with a significant problem, advice, support.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And bids can be verbal or non-verbal.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: A bid might take the form of just a hand squeeze, a hug, or a kiss.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a facial expression, you know, like raising your eyebrows across the room, or smiling at each other subtly when you're sharing an in-joke that no one else kind of gets.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: A grand holiday, a surprise gift, or a request for deep support on a really big issue, like I mentioned earlier, and they can be overt, like can you please help me with XYZ?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: But bids, particularly between intimate couples, are more often than not really subtle.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: They are the small, seemingly insignificant moments in our everyday.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we tend to keep our bids small, especially if we're unsure whether they will be met.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: If we're unsure about our partner, if we're unsure whether the other person will meet the bid, we tend to keep them small and subtle.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: You might be a little afraid to ask, to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there and say, hey, I want your attention, I want to connect, for fear that request or that bid, that desire might not be met by our part our partner.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we tend to keep our bids small and subtle.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when your partner say picks up their phone, reads a text message, and sighs, that sigh, that's a bid.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or when they arrive home from work, flop down on the couch with a grunt, or even when they're crashing the dishes in the sink while you're doing something else, that's a bid.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hope, it's a request for support.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're hoping that you will see them, hear them, hear the crashing of those dishes, and get up and offer to help.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Are you coming to bed?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's an invitation for closeness.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's a bid not necessarily for sex, although it might be, but it might also just be an I'd really like you to come to bed soon because I want to be close to you and end my day with you, kind of bid.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Asking, hey, did you hear about?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's a bid.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a bid for conversation, it's a bid for connection.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: That collapsing on the couch at the end of a really long day with a sigh or a grunt, that's a bid.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Possibly for empathy.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, sound like you've had a long day.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: You want to talk about it?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or when your partner says, What's on for you this week?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: That is a bid.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're really asking, what's on for you?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, where is there space for us or for me in your week?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: These are all bids.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the complex, deeply connected, fulfilling, soulful, amazing relationship you most want doesn't automatically or magically appear overnight.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: That amazing relationship that won't just magically appear in your life, all nicely formed.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: These relationships develop over time.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: One small tiny interaction at a time.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: They are the sum of all those tiny moments, all those tiny bids that are accepted, bids that are made and received each and every day.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: The small ones and the big ones, and the big ones too.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So what it really comes down to is paying attention, tending to our partners' bids and them tending to ours.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to recognize a bid, whether it's big, grand, and obvious, or probably more importantly when it's small and subtle.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Recognizing and turning towards.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And part of recognizing is learning about our partner and knowing how they make bids, but also making sure that our partner can recognize the bids we're making.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it does come down to that subtlety of communication.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, it's about our partner or our co-parent, our kids, our mother, whoever we are in a relationship with, it's about the other person being able to recognise the bids we are making and for us to recognise the bids that they are making.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if your bids, if it feels like your bids are constantly being missed, do you need to make them more overt?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of crashing those dishes in the sink, can you simply open up and ask, hey, I'd love some help with the dishes?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of are you tired yet or are you coming to bed soon?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Can you be brave and vulnerable enough to say, Hey, I'd love to end the day cuddled up close to you in bed?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Are you coming soon?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because those super subtle bids are easily missed and they can be easily lost in the noise and the busyness of every day.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But a bid that is repeatedly missed, bids that are repeatedly missed, breed resentment and disconnection.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it's important to make sure your bids are clear and that you are open to receiving and hearing, accepting the bids that your partner's making.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And when we recognize a bid, there are three main ways that we tend to respond.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is we turn towards.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: We recognize, firstly, and acknowledge the bid, and we react positively, engaging, connecting.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Turning towards is filling up the emotional bucket of connection between you.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Turning towards usually leads to an ongoing interaction and deeper connection.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: It builds closeness, it builds intimacy, it builds understanding.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that is true regardless of the nature of the relationship.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, intimate partner relationship, but also as I said, ex-partner when you're dealing with a co-parenting issue, um, family members, even colleagues, turning towards recognizing recognizing and then turning towards and acknowledging the bid builds an ongoing connection, a deeper interaction and closeness, understanding.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: The second way we can respond to a bid is by turning away, by ignoring or missing the bid totally, by being preoccupied, and mostly turning away is not done purposefully or with malice, it's more done with mindlessness, or because, as I said earlier, those bids that we're making are so often small, mundane, ordinary, that they tend to be overlooked or that we don't recognize their significance.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: So turning away from a bid is not done with intention, it's not necessarily, it's not usually done with an intent to disconnect.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just done because we miss the bid.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're not attuned.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: The third way that we can respond to bids is turning against.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is more active.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not necessarily done in a premeditated, malicious way, but it's a rejection or a pushing away.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's rejecting the bid in an argumentative way.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's being angry or hostile or contemptuous and responding to say responding to a request for, well, it's not my turn to do that.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's your job.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: A tendency to turn against our partner or in fact anybody that we're in a relationship is built up over time.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: A tendency to turn against, let me say that again, is built up over time.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't happen like that usually.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's it comes from resentment.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so very often, when there is repeated turning away or repeated missing of bids, it then leads on to an a more active turning against, which then feeds on itself.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: If one party's bids are constantly turned against with um contempt or hostility or aggression, the other person is far less likely to be vulnerable enough to bid again.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it leads into a negative or downward spiral of disconnection.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: So say your partner tells you, comes home and says they had a bad experience at work that day.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: A turning towards might look like, oh, really?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry that happened to you.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to tell me about it?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: A turning away might be just like, mm-hmm, or a comment without making eye contact or physically turning from whatever it is that you're doing or engaged in.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: And a turning against could look like you reckon you had a bad day, let me tell you about my day.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a clear dismissal of what the other person has offered and a switching to focus on you rather than the other.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So turning away or against or just simply not noticing bids can look a bit different.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like silence.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: You say, Hey, isn't this cake amazing?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: And your partner simply says nothing, just remains silent, doesn't react, doesn't respond.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like interrupting.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Your partner says, Hey, this cake is, and before they can finish, you jump in with either, yeah, it's terrible, or you say something that is completely unrelated, not even recognizing that they've spoken or mentioned cake at all.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's important to listen to the end of what our partner is saying, to really hear the bid.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I really want to emphasize that our bids for attention, our bids for connection are often really small and very ordinary in nature.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: They are a way of saying, Hey, I'm here, I want to connect with you, and on a deeper level, they're a way of asking, do I matter?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Am I important to you?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do I matter?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And no one feels great or connected or even very friendly towards someone who routinely either turns against or turns away from bids for connection.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing missing a bid for connection, especially repeatedly, is the equivalent emotionally as turning away.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: So regularly, repeatedly missing bids for connection from a partner feels like it's the emotional equivalent of us turning away.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Missing bids on the regular hurts the one who's making the bids.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't just put your relationship on hold, on pause over there and rejuvenate it with the occasional date night or grand gesture bid.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: A healthy, happy, connected, long-lasting relationship is built in those small moments, the tiny gestures each day, the little bids that are offered and received every day.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because the power in bids is when they are made often each day, when you are showing your partner that you crave connection with him or her, and that you value their presence in your day, that you want to connect.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if our bids for connection and engagement are constantly ignored or missed, or worse, the other person, our partner actively turns against our bids, it hurts.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Our brain subconsciously, even if we're not doing actively, our brain subconsciously starts to keep score, adding up how many of our bids are positively received, turned towards, and how many are negatively received or turned away or turned against.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: How many of our bids are accepted by our partner turning towards us and how many times they turn away or against.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: We start to keep score.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: And keeping score like this, even on a subconscious level, breeds frustration and resentment.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then we might actively stop offering bids, or we at very least become less likely to bid, and we become more critical or more likely to be critical and resentful of our partner, which then leads to more arguments and more defensiveness, and again in that downward spiral.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: So turning away or repeatedly missing our partner's bids breeds resentment and leads to distancing ourselves from one another.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel safe, it doesn't feel nice, so we don't opt in to connection and engagement.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: So pay attention to each other's bids.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to recognize them, even if that means you have to sit down and explain.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, when I say to you, what's on for you this week?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm really asking is where is the space for me in your week?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: So learn to recognize them, even if you have to teach each other how to do that.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Make lots of small bids every day.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: And remember that meeting your partner's bid can be as simple and as small as putting your phone down and making eye contact with them when they speak to you or asking or ask you a question.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: It could also be asking them a question, asking them if they're okay when they flop down in the couch with a big sigh at the end of the day.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're the one who you're the one feeling like your bids are constantly being missed, it might be that you need that conversation with your partner about what your bids look like and how they can turn towards you.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or it might be that you need to be a little bit more overt.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: You need to take a deep breath, be vulnerable, and actually overtly ask for what you need.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I had a rubbish day at work, I really just need a hug right now.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: It could be, as I said, with your ex-partner, your co-parent.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm really struggling with XYZ, I need some support around why.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Can you do that for me?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to see bids and then responding to bids for emotional connection can look like paying attention to what is said and also the subtext, the thing that's not said.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: So saying, gee, I'm really busy at work this week can actually mean I need you to help me, I need you to step in and take something off me.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let's put the kids to bed early tonight could mean I'd like to spend some time with you.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, want to watch a movie?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Could also mean I'd like to just cuddle up on the couch and spend some time with you.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Responding to bids can be as simple as responding to mundane requests like we need some milk, can you bring some milk home or can you dry these dishes?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: It can look like helping me with a problem I'm experiencing at work or with a family member.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: It could be answering my questions or my request about, oh, do you have an email for XYZ person?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: I need to contact them.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Responding to bids can look like being interested and excited about the other person's achievements.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that be the dinner they cooked or their big celebration at work.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Responding to bids for emotional connection can be just sharing things with me, sharing your day with me when I ask, how was your day?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: It can be listening and engaging in conversation, let me tell you about, or when I launch into, hey, this happened today.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can be helping your partner feel less overwhelmed when they say, Oh my god, I'm so tired tonight.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's asking what, asking what they need, hugs and takeaway to step in and take over, putting the kids to bed.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Responding to bids for emotional connection is about being mindful of and really watching for the non-verbal bids, the things that aren't said.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, the subtext, but also the body language, the sigh, the clenched teeth of frustration, whatever it is, the body language.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: So be mindful and watch for non-verbal cues.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Practicing mindfulness and being really present with each other is super powerful because turning towards each other's bids fills up your relationship bucket, the bucket of goodwill, of good feeling between you, and filling this bucket is like kind of adding money into the emotional or energetic bank that exists between you, and it also builds up a buffer which allows your relationship to ride out the waves of times when you don't feel so connected.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: I believe, in fact, I know that the best relationships happen when we make bids which are received and then continue to do so.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we continue to give, we continue to turn towards each other, and we give and we bid rather than keeping score of how many times or whether our bids have been recognized.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: When it's not a competition, it's a mutual turning towards, it's a mutual meeting.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's not to say that we should or we need to stay or not seek to create change if our bids are routinely missed or turned away from.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's another story.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: That need that, as I said earlier, means we need to communicate with clarity, we need to have the conversation, and we maybe need to to up the ante on the overtness of our bids and to increase our turning towards each other because an ideal partnership, that healthy, soulful, connected relationship, is where you share connection in a balanced way.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: You are each turning towards, you are meeting because relationships are built, but they're also chipped away, they're also eroded bid by bid in these small everyday moments and interactions.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you're in a challenging time or space in your relationship, it is an invitation to turn towards.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Staying connected or rebuilding connection, filling up that emotional bank account between you does require that we turn towards each other, that we bid and also that we recognize the other person's bids for connection, and that our bids are recognized and received.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And all of this, all of this starts with turning towards ourselves, knowing ourselves, understanding our values, knowing what we want and what we need, clearly defining our desires, our needs, our dreams, our goals, our challenges, and then sharing these with our partner.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing what we want and need and being vulnerable enough to ask for it, to bid for it in a way that they can hear, recognize, and turn to.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: This builds trust and it builds more trust and more connection and more confidence that our bids will be met next time.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so we keep on bidding, and that creates the upward spiral of trust and intimacy and connection.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: When we turn toward ourselves first, when we know ourselves well, when we know what we need and what our values are, we also invite in others who share those values.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really what I mean when I speak about defining the container of our relationships.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: When we go deep for ourselves first and define what's important to us, that sets the tone for the relationships we invite in and create.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: We define the container, how we most want our relationship, our relationship to look, and we invite in that relationship, whether that's with our current partner or a new partner we're calling in, whether it's with our ex or our co-parent, with our own parent, our mother-in-law, when we define the container, we invite the other person to step into that version of the relationship.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be a redefinition, an up level, or a reclamation, or a whole new relationship.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it starts with knowing ourselves first.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with turning towards ourselves.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: This helps us offer bids for connection and deepen engagement in ways that make sense to us, ways that are important and meaningful for us, ways that are aligned with who we are at our core, our values, and how we most want to show up in the world and in our relationships.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: So get to know you, get to know your core values, what they are in your life and your relationship.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Turn towards yourself.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: Turn towards yourself.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Understand what you want and what you need.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then get busy bidding.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Make bids.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Keep making bids.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: Also be open to receiving the bids your partner, your sister, your friend, your mother, your ex offer you for connection.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Make bids and turn towards.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's in the turning towards that we deepen and strengthen and up level our relationship, be that with ourselves or with another.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.