Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Raw Resilience

Transcript

Raw Resilience · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

0:03
This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game of living in
0:07
and with chronic pain and trauma get into the heart of how to heal.
0:12
I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan on
0:18
discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners, loved ones, and
0:23
anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and trauma
0:27
world that we live in. For my entire life, I have always been
0:41
a risk taker. Doing this show in and of itself is a risk that
0:47
I take every single day, with every single episode, with every prep,
0:51
with every meet and greet, whatever it is that I do, I am
0:54
risking because I am sharing things on this show to anybody that listens about the
1:00
dark and twisty places you know within my heart and my soul. And I'm
1:04
uber vulnerable here right We know that I am raw, I am real,
1:07
that is who I am. And I have these open wounds that are still
1:12
unhealed. We all do. I have scars to remind me of what I
1:17
have persevered through. And over the past few years, I have had to
1:23
like rewrite my life's story because it has fucking changed. I did not think
1:30
at all. I think back when I was in high school and when I
1:32
was in college, when I was free as a bird, doing all kinds
1:36
of rap boys or whatever the hell I was doing. My health has declined,
1:42
as everybody knows. And I was given a wheelchair now, and I
1:47
was given this and given that. And I say given in particular because I
1:51
have looked at what has happened to me in my life and how I've been
1:55
diagnosed as a gift now because I have more purpose in my life life than
2:00
I ever have had before. And I've seen myself in my darkest of hours,
2:05
you know, I've also seen myself in bright and spectacular places. And
2:08
what I have done is proven to myself that I am resilient. I am
2:13
accepting of my diagnosis. I am accepting of my past, my present,
2:16
whatever the hell's going to come up in my future. And I have accepted
2:20
my reality for what it is. And as my guests today will share,
2:24
there are no excuses. There is only one path that we take in this
2:30
life, and the one that keeps you moving forward is that path, no
2:35
matter what kind of bombs blow up in your life. So today I have
2:39
an amazing guy. Oh my god, I can't win him and so excited.
2:45
Who will truly show us the power of moving forward in life when trauma
2:47
presents itself. So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to
2:53
my guest today, rich Ingram. What's up, dude? Oh not much,
2:58
Lindsey, thank you for having me looking forward to God. I've been
3:01
looking forward to your accent since we got off of bar Meet and green.
3:07
Rich is a retired United States Army captain and also just a redneck from Georgia.
3:14
That's it, That's all it is. Zuli Is is a keynote speaker
3:17
and endurance athlete. Despite losing his arm and an enemy Anne Bush while deployed
3:23
in Iraq in two thousand and five, he continues to embrace life's challenges and
3:28
thrive in adversity. And that is what we are all about here. So
3:31
I am rolling out the red carpet for you, babe, and I would
3:34
like to start talking about what happened to you in two thousand and five and
3:38
let's take it from there, all right, you know? So the preface
3:45
to that day is that I spent my life up to that point searching for
3:52
purpose and direction, and the military gave that to me right when I first
4:00
got to our rights, So I guess I was. I was three months
4:01
in to our deployment when when we got ambushed with that bomb. But I
4:06
volunteer for every mission that I could. We were setting up sniper op observation
4:12
post, and I mean we're doing stuff in video games. Was I was
4:14
living the dream and and and it just emboldened my passion for this right and
4:19
so that's the preface. And on that day we were on a four vehicle
4:26
m V patrol, so I was in a scalp potam so we did reconnaissance.
4:30
So we're southwest of Baghdad. That's called the Triangle of Death at the
4:35
time. Just for the yeah, yeah, right, uplift, let's head
4:41
to the Triangle of Death together. It's not a vacation spot, but yeah,
4:48
and and what what's crazy is that area though is historically known as the
4:55
Garden of Eden area, but like it's where the type or senior frate's merge.
5:00
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah right. It does not look like a
5:05
garden at all anymore. But you know it's just like ravaged with gunshot holes
5:14
and more beautiful naked women in a tree with a snake around them. O
5:18
god, I'd still be there, right. But but anyway, so we're
5:26
on this four vehicle patrol. I'm the rear gunner in a humbye and so
5:30
this is before we had these large mind resistant vehicles, and so half my
5:34
body is exposed out of this vehicle. And as the rear gunner, I
5:39
have what we call the six I have rear security. And I'm not twenty
5:43
one years old. I'm on this fifty caliber machine gun. I mean maybe
5:46
every bit of that I know. And you know, we all, like,
5:53
I mean, especially me. I don't want to speak for everyone,
5:56
but like I wanted to fight because I always thought about everybody, you know,
6:00
soldiers in Vietnam World War two and what they did, and I mean
6:04
it's just amazing, and so you know, I wanted, I guess,
6:08
that chance to prove myself right. But the fight did not happen as on
6:13
vision. My my vehicle struck or an ied hit our vehicle and improvise it
6:17
exposed advice rotes out bomb and it catapulted our vehicle into the air and sent
6:23
it into a roll. And I remember dropping in the gunner's hatch. You're
6:27
taught or trained to drop down, grab the radio mount and try and hold
6:31
on. Obviously training is different than the real thing. And I just remember
6:36
saying lights out, say a prayer, and I knew I was gonna die.
6:43
And I landed, I hit the ground and I was like, oh
6:46
my god, I'm still alive and the old guy I did not die.
6:51
And I mean I almost saw. I was like my I in another world.
6:56
It was surreal experience. Yeah yeah. And but I'll look up and
7:03
I see my driver is unconscious in the passenger seat, and so when I
7:09
went to move towards him, that's when I felt something akm my arm,
7:12
Because it takes a while for your nerves, you know, to kind of
7:15
catch up to what's going on. And so I took my right arm to
7:17
feel for a break, and my hand just hit nothing. And so I
7:23
looked down and my uniform it's just mangled, covered in blood, and my
7:27
forearm is lying on the ground, connected by a piece of tissue no bigger
7:30
than your pinky finger. So now I'm back in this I'm gonna die,
7:34
And I just remember thinking like, I'm not fucking dying in this country.
7:41
So I just picked my arm up and ran with it and likely picked my
7:46
arm up and ran with it. Let's just like take cork a quick beat.
7:49
I remember that. I literally have it written down in my notes.
7:53
I ran with my arm in my hand. It was what what a weird
7:59
feeling? Right? Literally, oh my gosh. And I started kicking the
8:05
humby door to wake up the driver. His name spot Us Would And when
8:07
he came to and I said, I, she is just huge. But
8:09
he got out, put a tourniquet on me, and we got an IV
8:13
started, and you know, I'll never forget. One of my best friends
8:16
came over and held my hand because I was I was closing my eyes and
8:20
he was like, dude, I don't want you to close your eyes.
8:22
This was hot as fuck, was like July one hundred and twenty degrees in
8:26
Iraq, and I was sweat setting in my eyes. And he held my
8:30
hand until they put me on the metavac chopper and he let go, is
8:35
like you and be all right, man, I'll see you soon. And
8:37
he was killed a month later. And you know that's just that's how that's
8:43
war, right, I mean, we send our young folks out to fight
8:46
our battles and and so that's that's what happened that day and I was flowing
8:50
the Baghdad and that's where the where they amputated the rest of it and you
8:54
know, cleaned everything up, and I just remember being weed into a hospital
9:00
room on a gurney, and that's when I kind of woke up after being
9:03
an nesseatized after that initial surgery, and I just rolled over and saw my
9:09
arm and I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. Because everything that
9:16
up to that point in my life, everything that I'd done, all the
9:18
purpose that I had found in the military. Mean, I relied on my
9:22
physical prowess to spend my life, spend my career in a combat arms unit,
9:28
and it all came crashing down at once, and I just saw myself.
9:33
Was I going to be another homeless veteran asking for your money on the
9:37
street corner, or I mean, I was back at square one. Now.
9:39
I had to reinvent myself, find a new purpose, and you know,
9:43
all those emotions just running into my head. You know, I'm here
9:46
right now, and I've learned so much and changed and transformed so much because
9:52
of what happened. I'm truly blessed because I would have never learned the things
9:58
that I have without that, that experience the power of moving forward is something
10:03
that I find to be just incredible with you, and you're such an inspiration
10:07
for me. And we talked about it on our meet and greet a little
10:09
bit about how my legs are. We have a like a running joke which
10:13
isn't really funny, but I'm depraved and that's how I am. I'm always
10:18
like when I'm in my highest pain moment, I always tell my sweetie go
10:22
to Low's and buy a chainsaw, or I need a chainsaw right now,
10:24
or it's a chainsaw. And my mom asked for Christmas two years ago for
10:28
me to never say that ever again, and I've tried very hard to not
10:33
and it's actually been a good thing for me not to have done that.
10:35
But there are one hundred percent days that I do not want to have my
10:39
legs. I don't want to look at them. I don't want to have
10:43
anything to do with them. I want them to be amputated. But I
10:46
know we talked about that, and why do you think that is? Because
10:48
like I have almost phantom limb kind of stuff within my body even though my
10:54
limbs are here. And did you experience that the phantom limb part. My
10:58
god, I can't even imagine. Yeah, that's I mean that that's the
11:01
most painful painful part is uh, you're so you know, you have the
11:07
initial part is phantom pain, and now I have phantom sensation. Is the
11:13
medical turn or was the medical turn back then? And so but the phantom
11:16
pain, my actual to my left hand hurt worse than my arm, even
11:22
though my left hand was missing, and so yeah, yeah, it's insane.
11:28
And so they had to you know, so you have I don't know
11:31
how many tubes that had coming out of me, but one is you know,
11:35
regular like the lauded or morphine or whatever within those yea. And but
11:43
then another one is a nerve block, and so it's just showing to dead
11:50
nose nerves or not dead because they never died. That's why we can still
11:54
have that sensation. They're just trying to communicate to your brain that you actually
11:58
really kind of don't feel anything anymore, but you do, oh god,
12:01
you do. Yeah that was brutal, But what really helped me is the
12:07
immediacy of returning or attempting to return to normalcy. And you know, when
12:13
I arrived at Walter Reed my mom was there and she had my flyerode and
12:20
and so, you know, fly fishing for me is just another another thing
12:24
that I had identified with. It's just always been a part of me and
12:28
and and so anyways, it's a time like, Okay, what am I
12:33
going to do with that? And so a few days later, my cousin
12:35
comes to the hospital and he's like, hey, man, let's let's take
12:37
this thing out to the front lawn and see what we can see what we
12:41
can do. And and so we take this flower od out to the front
12:43
lawn of the hospital. And it wasn't long before I broke down in tears
12:48
because I couldn't do it and it was another thing that I identified with and
12:52
been taken away. And so Lawrence comes over and he puts his hand on
12:56
me, and he's like, let's just stay out here. We're gonna figure
13:01
this out. And so, you know, I just channeled that anger and
13:05
that frustration, and I just I just kept kept going, was trying anything,
13:11
just releasing limitations from the way that I thought it was supposed to be
13:16
done. And I figured out that I could use my teeth to strict because
13:20
you know, fly fishing isn't like a Zepco. It's it's you know,
13:24
the line, it's challenging, right, And so I was able to use
13:28
my teeth to kind of pull line out and then I could manipulate the fly
13:33
line to cast, just releasing it between my two fingers, and you pulled
13:37
it. I feel like you channeled your redneck there. I think that's great
13:41
for you. I did, you know, I did in a positive way
13:46
about but you know that that was a pivotal point for me because my view
13:54
on everything changed from what am I going to do now to whatever it takes,
14:01
I will keep moving forward. And from that point forward, I was
14:05
ninety miles an hour, I'm want to do this race, this trip.
14:09
So I went and signed up for the Army ten mile. And when I
14:11
did that, I ran through it because it's always a good runner. And
14:13
I remember seeing the sign up sheet and I remember like looking at my arm
14:16
like fuck because I still have bandages on it, and look at my les
14:20
is like fucking. I had two of those. So I did it,
14:24
and I didn't do poorly. And so a few days later, I'm sitting
14:28
in the prosthetics lab and a guy walks in and he says Brice, she
14:31
didn't do badly on the run. Do you want to be on my triathlon
14:35
team? And I kind of barked because I took Latin in fourth grade,
14:37
so I know trim at three, but always thought of Bruce Jenner throwing those
14:41
sticks, you know, giant javelin. I'm like, I don't know what
14:45
that is. Need you to teach you about what try meant? I mean
14:50
tricycle, I mean, yeah, Well I was like, okay, is
14:54
it do I shot put dad? You know, like and anyways, and
15:01
so swim bike run, and so I was like, dude, I'm either
15:07
going to sink or swim in circles right? Oh god? You know.
15:11
And but but that was another defining moment for me, was saying yes to
15:16
that, because had I not had had I two arms when he asked me
15:22
that, I would have said no. And the reason is because before I
15:26
lost Marm, I was in a fixed mindset. And and so this allowed
15:30
me because I was reinventing myself. And I always say that it was as
15:35
ironic as it sounds, it was easier for me to adopt a different mindset
15:41
because I remember I was reinventing myself. Then someone if they were just to
15:45
say, hey, look I need to make a change right now. Right.
15:48
I was a traumatic, you know, I was in a vulnerable position,
15:52
and and so you know, so the point is effort Trump's talent every
15:56
fucking time. When I got to the pool with one arm, I was
16:02
so embarrassed, because I'll tell this story because it's pretty funny. What we
16:06
swim in in middle school was a speed up. And so I just figured,
16:10
okay, I need to go get a Fox speedo. So I go
16:12
to the triathlon store to get a speedo and they're all like these little man
16:17
panties hanging up on the rack. And so I grabbed two different sizes and
16:22
I go into the to the dressing room and I try them on, and
16:26
and so I know that y'all, y'all can't see below my chest, but
16:32
I have a pretty small waist, but I have a big ass. And
16:36
so I thought you were gonna say something else, which would have been very
16:40
entertaining man panties hanging all over the place. But so I try these things
16:47
on in my ass. The first pair, my ass is just eating these
16:52
things, but they fit my waist. I mean, it was like Chippingdale.
16:56
It was so welcome to being a woman. By the way, Oh
16:59
god, I know I could imagine. Yeah, we hate, we hate
17:03
that. I gave up a long time ago on it. The others,
17:07
the other pair, they fit my ass, but they were too big in
17:10
the waist, and so I was like, oh my god, what am
17:14
I going to do? You tried these things on naked. So honestly,
17:18
the reason why I got I ended up getting the ones with my ass ate
17:22
because I felt so bad if I had to put them back on the right
17:26
for the next guy that would come in. If anybody had seen what my
17:30
ashes did to this speedo, that they would burn it, you know,
17:33
they would burn those those panties. And so so anyways, I get to
17:40
the pool. The first time that I'm in the pool, the only the
17:41
only lane that's open is one where like they took the rope out and it's
17:45
a double lane, and all the one hundred and ten year olds are doing
17:48
their pool noodle exercises. So I'm so embarrassed because I'm wearing this this speedo
17:55
that my ass is eating and I can't even swim in a normal fucking lane.
17:59
I have to dodge all these booies, you know, those people,
18:03
and and fortunately it worked out for me because I sucked. I was so
18:11
fucking I couldn't even do a freestyle the wholey because I didn't know what I
18:14
was doing. I hadn't been I hadn't been taught, and I saw.
18:15
I mean, I had to bust out in the breaststroke like halfway down the
18:18
pool. But the difference was I didn't quit. I kept showing up.
18:23
I asked everyone, hey, man, how would you do this? What
18:26
do you think? How? You know? Like, hey, can you
18:29
give me any pointers? I accepted the criticism, the feedback, and and
18:33
the biggest thing about the swimming part was it was just straight up fucking perseverance
18:38
because I had never been a good swimmer. Even after swimming every day,
18:44
I still wasn't a great swimmer. Uh you know, I mean I have
18:47
one arm and and and I say that I don't want to use as an
18:49
excuse because I got a buddy. His name is Willie Stewart, and he's
18:52
a fucking monster in the water, like he is just like a machine.
18:56
But but anyway, so you know, cycling, I hadn't ride a bike
19:00
since I was twelve. To my buddy's house and everybody had to wait on
19:03
me at the stop sign every ride that we went on. But I kept
19:07
showing up every single day. I asked people, you know, like,
19:11
hey, you know, shifting gears, turning in speeds, all these different
19:15
things. And before I knew it, I did get good at cycling,
19:18
and I was racing in these races across the country, you know I did.
19:23
I did one in San Francisco called the Escape from Alcatraz and so,
19:30
oh, oh my god, it's so amazing though. So this one was
19:34
a relays. We had this awesome swimmer shoes, a Paralympian swimmer. And
19:41
what you do is you get on a boat, you go out to Alcatraz,
19:44
and then you jump off the boat from Alcatraz and you swim across the
19:48
bay and when you come a yeah, yeah, oh and look like me.
19:53
They asked me if I wanted to do the whole thing, They're like,
19:56
and I probably would have. I just started. I'd only been doing
20:00
triathlons for like a year. I was still kind of a week swimmer.
20:03
I mean, like you hit that current, buddy, I'd have been in
20:07
the Pacific, you know, I mean, you gotta you and and most
20:11
of the time, they put all the gifts right behind the pros because the
20:15
pros catch the uh, they catch the best current going in because they and
20:21
and so you know, they would have put they would have put my broke
20:25
ass behind them. So hopefully I would have got a good current and gone
20:27
in. But nonetheless, on this race, when she, our swimmer comes
20:32
into transition, and so as soon as she comes in, me the cyclist
20:36
can take off. I hop on my bike and right when I start to
20:40
pull out my break cable snap. I'd just flown from Atlanta to San Francisco
20:45
just and the volunteers like, look at me, what are you gonna do?
20:48
I was like, fuck it. I didn't come here to watch.
20:52
I did this entire thing with no brakes, and you know, well I
20:59
just figured, like my you know, because this was a team effort,
21:03
and someone, because I was sponsored by Challenge Athletes Foundation, was sending me
21:10
all over the place to do all these races. Now I'm on a team.
21:12
My swimmer just dominated that the runners waiting on me. I didn't want
21:17
to let anybody down. And and so you know, I put on my
21:21
or I had on my cycling shoes, so I just tried to use those
21:25
to break. They had holes in them by the time I was done.
21:26
But the point of the story is I beat thirty professional cyclists and now look
21:32
they were doing the entire race. But still that put me by not having
21:37
breaks. It put me into a different category of cycling because I learned so
21:42
much about turning out high speeds and shifting and all this that I would have
21:48
never been able to figure out how that breaks because I was limiting myself.
21:55
And you know, so if we can really look within and figure out what
22:02
are what our limiting factors are, like, how can we take our own
22:07
breaks off? And I'll tell you what it is without you having a search
22:10
very hard. You have to do uncomfortable things. And and what I mean
22:15
by that is not not just you know, I'm gonna wake up at two
22:18
thirty and go run for five hours, but me, I'm self conscious about
22:22
dancing in public. All right, motherfucker, let's go dancing that, you
22:26
know. But that's that's what I mean. Most people are embarrassed of dancing
22:33
in public. Unless you've had like at least a bottle of champagne under you
22:37
and no alcohol. You got to completely And that's but that's really how you
22:41
become free is by chasing those fears and and you learn so much more about
22:48
yourself. And that's how transformation happens. Right, absolutely, absolutely, there's
22:55
no way, shape or form that I would be in the place that I
23:00
I am right now without being scared shitless. Every single day for the past
23:04
eight years, I have been scared shitless. I have safety issues, I've
23:08
got all kinds of stuff from trauma and blibh blah blah blah. Everybody that
23:11
listens to the show knows all the gamut of all of that. But man,
23:15
oh man, I am just like you and the word when you said
23:17
it earlier, and I didn't want to interrupt you because it was such an
23:19
interesting story. The showing up is the thing for me. It's like,
23:26
no matter what, no matter what, I have to show up. I
23:30
mean, we all have our days, everybody does. But I'm going with
23:33
like ninety eight percent of the time, I fucking show up. I show
23:37
up even though it's hard. I show up even though I have to cry,
23:40
or I show up even though it's pain for whatever it is. I
23:44
face those fears every single minute. And I love that about myself, and
23:48
I love that about you. As well. And I love having people like
23:52
you in my world because we're a smaller group of people than we think.
23:56
And a lot of what we're doing here today is to try to grow that
23:59
population of people that show up instead of giving up. And I because that
24:04
scares me giving up. Well, And so you know, I like what
24:08
you said about we're a smaller population than you think. But and the reason
24:14
for that is because like attracts like you know I want. And so when
24:18
we're surrounding ourselves by all these individuals that think like us, and we are
24:23
and we just want to make each other better, you just send a thing
24:27
like, oh, everybody thinks like this, and that's not that's not true.
24:30
And I mean that's that's why I love motivational speaking, is because you
24:34
learn that right And and there isn't a clinically sane person on this planet that
24:41
doesn't at times think, I don't care if you're Tony Robbins or or Mike
24:45
Tyson. Maybe not mirrect, but there's not a clinically same person. So
24:52
there you go that takes him out. It doesn't think at times a bit
24:56
off more than I can chew or I'm not cut out for this or maybe
25:00
maybe this isn't the right way to go, or has some kind of thoughts
25:04
about pulling out of the situation instead of fucking doubling down and believing in yourself.
25:10
I was thinking about this on my run this morning because I think it
25:11
was a I don't remember what song anything was like Terry Underwood or something country.
25:18
Oh my goodness, but she said something running to carry underword. I
25:23
mean, well, it was actually that song Champion. I don't know what
25:26
you don't know, it's uh irrelevant, but uh, but she said something
25:33
that really made me think about betting on yourself. Would you bet on yourself?
25:37
Seriously? And and you you? And that's the that's the whole point.
25:41
You have to get raw and be true to yourself. That's the first
25:45
thing, because everybody all day long, if you asked me that question,
25:48
then by yeah, man, I bet on myself. Hold on, go
25:53
go back to your house, by yourself, sit in a room, and
25:56
and you think this through. Would you try truly put money on yourself to
26:02
win every time? Because if you wouldn't, well, that's okay, right.
26:07
You just need to change your mindset and figure out what needs to happen
26:11
so that you will and and so you know that there there is a disconnect
26:15
there because if you won't bet on yourself, okay, you just have more
26:18
more, more development, more more work to do. But a lot of
26:22
times when we're thinking that way, like look, man, you you put
26:26
yourself in this situation nine times out of ten, let's say, whether it's
26:29
work sales, however you're feeling when when you were in a positive emotional state,
26:34
now you're not in that same state. It's it's equitable. Your pains
26:38
and gains are equitable. Everybody goes through that. So dude, just keep
26:44
stay the course. Maybe there are some things that you need to change,
26:45
but don't change anything until you're back in that positive emotional state. You just
26:49
need to keep going. And you know, and that and that's the that's
26:53
the biggest thing. So many people, you know, they deselect themselves if
26:57
you just keep showing up, like let's somebody kick you out, you know,
27:02
let somebody do select you. Oh no, well, well so you
27:07
I mean you've done so much now, I mean, now you're an endurance
27:11
athlete, as we've been talking about, and your motivational speaker, which sometimes
27:15
sounds cheesy, but when it comes to somebody like you. Because when we
27:18
think of again like the Tony Robbinson allves where everybody gets together and they get
27:22
into big rooms and they spend a bunch of money and they get all jammed,
27:26
like super excited about changing their lives, and they go home and nothing
27:30
happens. Right. I don't feel like that's the kind of motivational speaking that
27:33
you do. Right. You're not like selling DVDs of things that you need
27:38
to do. You're raw and real and true and vulnerable and open and have
27:44
been through something that most people would seriously commit suicide, would give up on
27:52
their life entirely. Losing a limb is no small feat. I have been
27:56
freaked out about it because something about my disease is that there is a amputation
28:02
that comes with it, and it's also called the suicide disease, which is
28:04
just a really lovely way to coin how we feel because of the pain that's
28:08
so high, and you know, we're like, great, So I'm up
28:12
against suicide and amputation and that's what we wake up with every morning, you
28:15
know. And I've got people in my world that have the same thing that
28:18
I have. They do not have the mentality that you and I do.
28:22
And then I've got those that do that are like you and I and we're
28:26
fucking rock stars. And I am so glad to share the rock star seat
28:30
with you, because there's no other way to explain you than that, I
28:33
mean, quite frankly in my mind at least. But you bring up a
28:37
good point though about what that makes me think of is that we have never
28:42
arrived, right, And what I mean by that is, you know,
28:48
I'm never out of the woods. I mean, you know, I mean
28:52
Robin Williams one of the best actors. Now we did have some issues,
28:56
but committed suicide. And people you never know what's going on with people,
29:02
and and you know, sometimes it can just overburn. So I just bring
29:07
that up because every everybody has to continue working on themselves. You've never just
29:12
gotten there, like I'm not. I'm not there, you know, I
29:18
just and and that's why, you know, one of the reasons why I
29:21
run so much is because I have to to maintain my emotional threshold. It
29:26
is one of the things that just helps me show up positively in the world.
29:30
And as soon as you know I'm not somehow stretching limitations for myself,
29:37
then I can start backsliding, and and so you know that that's that's how
29:42
I hold myself to the fire and and and try and stay on point,
29:47
because if we're not continuously working on ourselves, then we have to watch out.
29:53
Yeah, we do. And we've all been there. We've all been
29:56
we've all hit a bottom, whatever our bottom have been, We've hit him,
30:00
and then sometimes we have to hit him again, and sometimes it's even
30:03
a bigger bottom than before. But the best part about hitting rock bottom is
30:07
that there's always up. And for me, I know, I've caught myself
30:11
on the floor in many situations where I was very very close to losing myself
30:18
and very very close, and it was people like you and conversations like this
30:23
that come into my brain and go into my heart and into my soul and
30:26
make me go There's no fucking way I'm giving up. There's no way,
30:30
there's no amount of pain that I can be in that will make me give
30:33
up. Is it gonna suck, Yeah, it's gonna suck. But guess
30:37
what. Right now, I am in a very good spot because I have
30:41
been showing up for myself more than I ever have. You are a fucking
30:45
badass, So are you being Yeah, you are too. All of what
30:52
we go through is relative, you know, like you hit, It doesn't
30:55
matter if you know there's there's someone out there that hasn't lost a limb or
30:59
is not in the situation that you are. The pain is relative, So
31:02
don't as is pain. That's it. You know, you can't think like
31:07
oh, these guys like man, they you know, I haven't lost a
31:11
limb or whatever. It doesn't matter, dude. You know, like the
31:15
stress of a in a sales job. I mean that I was talking to
31:19
my dad about this. My dad's a physician, and so I think Harvard
31:23
has done studies on this. But the stress, chronic stress over time,
31:27
I mean that that physically harms you, right, Yes, I mean art
31:33
attacks and you know, and and so I mean, it's real. It's
31:37
just it's just different. The difference for me is like boom, there was
31:41
an event that happened that caused my traumatic experience, but other people were out
31:45
there. It's just built. So well, you had mentioned emotional threshold because
31:48
I didn't want to touch on that really quick with you. About purpose and
31:52
mindset and process. I mean, I know we've been talking about purpose.
31:53
We've been talking about mindset, and I would like to talk about the process
31:56
part of it, because I think that that I'm a very process oriented person.
32:00
I'm in strategy in my world, like not just for life management,
32:04
but in my business and what I do, I mean, this is strategic
32:07
what we're doing right now, I mean to a certain extent, So with
32:09
you and your business and that what you're running and what you're doing. As
32:14
a motivational speaker, you're talking about this emotional threshold. Can you just chitchat
32:17
about that for just a little bit about what that means to you, because
32:20
I think that's a really in those two words together are they're big and bold?
32:25
Yeah, So you know, I use that as I think of a
32:30
road, a two lane road with a dotted line in the middle, and
32:34
think of it, you know, horizontally in your head, you are in
32:37
the middle of that. You don't want to go outside the white lines,
32:42
right or the yellow whatever they are on the outside. You can bounce around
32:46
in the middle, that's fine, But low lows are hard to get out
32:51
of in high highs are easier to fall. And so what we want to
32:54
do is just raise the whole threshold. And in order to do that,
33:00
that's done by process. And so my raw resilience framework is purpose, which
33:06
is the true motivator to anything mindset, and then process. And so what
33:14
I use for emotional threshold for the process is challenge. I call it challenge
33:19
immersion. You need to find something that aligns with your purpose. And when
33:25
we talk about purpose, we're not talking about this surface purpose like I am
33:29
a runner because I'm one one jacked up neil from not being a runner.
33:34
Think of if you driving out of the gas station on the pulling out on
33:38
the high when you get hit by a mac truck, will your purpose still
33:42
be the same tomorrow? And if it won't, we'll reevaluate. And when
33:47
you look at it like that, would you are now already light years ahead
33:52
because you're resiliently postured to withstand those adversarial things. So that's why we start
33:59
with the purpose to make make sure that we're posture, and then we start
34:01
going into you know, looking at having a growth mindset. And the challenge
34:06
immersion piece is finding something that aligns with your purpose and then coming up with
34:12
an ambitious target. So we want a challenge and so for me, let's
34:16
just say it's running. So Okay, I have one hundred miller in August,
34:22
So August seventeenth is this hundred miler? Well, you know, my
34:25
training might be for four months just specificity toward that goal. Every single day
34:32
I'm doing something to get to progress me in a positive way towards that goal.
34:37
Now yours doesn't. I'm completely an advocate for physical activity because there are
34:43
so many not just health benefits, but also you know, for me,
34:47
okay, well, it's very time consuming to run as much as I do.
34:51
So now what ends up happening is I'm intentional with all of my time.
34:53
I have to sleep well so I can continue running the next day.
34:57
I have to eat well. So for me, that's how here's a big
35:00
kicker. And the reason why this works is in the way that it rolls
35:05
over so one by constantly doing challenges things, and this needs to be added
35:09
to what you're already doing because you live a busy life. When you add
35:15
this challenge, so one is connected to your purpose. So it keeps you
35:19
on your toes and it keeps you driving forward in the way that is going
35:22
to make you happy. But two, it's gonna get you used to you
35:27
always got to fit it in you always have to make it happen, and
35:29
so it starts becoming innate that like I get shit done because you are intentional
35:35
now with all of your time, because you have to make sure that you're
35:38
progressing forwards toward whatever that challenge is every day, and there has to be
35:43
a date. There has to be a target. And oh, by the
35:45
way, you have to know what the next challenge is because without it,
35:47
as soon as you get to that date, whenever, whatever your challenge is,
35:52
when it comes up, if you don't have something, you're gonna be
35:54
sitting on a high high outside your emotional threshold and then you're gonna fucking drop.
36:00
So there has to be don't rest on your laurels. You have to
36:02
keep working on that. So that's that's that's another thing. But what you
36:07
start to identify in this process is that your pains and gains are equitable.
36:10
And I said that earlier, and so when that when those and I hate
36:16
saying negative emotions because I think everything has a purpose, but when your those
36:22
negative emotions start to come up, like you know, anxious or depressive or
36:28
whatever it is, you start to realize, dude, that's just a part
36:31
of the process. That's just a part of the journey that's not gonna last
36:36
forever. Let's keep fucking doing this. And what you can say is you
36:38
can't say, Okay, hey, you know what, tomorrow morning, I'm
36:40
gonna look at my process and make sure that I'm on track. Maybe there
36:45
are some things that I can change, Maybe I do need to do a
36:47
little bit more, make some more calls or whatever it is. But but
36:52
what ends up happening is that negative emotional state starts to lose its power over
36:58
you, and it's no longer making the decisions. It's just it's there.
37:01
You identify what it is, and then maybe you know, you write down,
37:07
hey, here's what I'm going to do about it tomorrow to make sure
37:08
this whatever, and and that works wonders by the way, I normally always
37:14
journal, and I say, hey, this is what I'm feeling, and
37:16
so I literally we write down like I'm feeling like I'm not cut out or
37:20
whatever it is, and then you know, this is why I think I'm
37:22
feeling this way, and then what I just said, and that generally works.
37:27
But anyways, that's the emotional threshold, and that's how you raise it.
37:30
And so that's how you resiliently posture. So when these when these things
37:34
occur, you're already ready for it. It's just another part of the process
37:37
totally. And I mean it's it's a simple it's a simple example. But
37:40
it's like when a woman is getting ready to get married and she wants to
37:44
get into her wedding dress. There's her goal, and then she gets there
37:49
and she gets all yoked and she's working out and she fits into her dress
37:52
and after the wedding she's like, I'm not doing it anymore. Keep fighting
37:58
for the wedding dress, lady, Okay, keep fighting for those things.
38:02
I know it's a simple thing, but it's something that I'm in the process
38:05
of doing because I'm getting married finally to this man after seven and a half
38:08
bloody years but whatever, getting married in Verona, Italy. Baby, Yeah.
38:14
Yeah, So I am going to be the most exquisite shape that I
38:17
can be. And one of the things that has helped me is, all
38:22
of a sudden, I'm starting to get feeling in my feet that I haven't
38:23
felt in five years. That's amazing. Who the hell would have known all
38:29
the things that I've been doing, including this show, because I started the
38:31
show to heal myself, and by starting it helped I wanted to now heal
38:36
others, and so by that process, in doing that, now I am
38:38
actually starting to reap the benefits of the work that I've been doing. And
38:43
it is a grind every fucking day. It is a grind. You get
38:47
it. The people that are like Rich and I, we are grinders.
38:52
We are shower uppers. We are like, yeah, okay, I'm running
38:54
through the field with my arm in my hand. That is what we do.
38:58
And if you're not like that, poo poo on you get in the
39:01
chop your arm off and hold it and run through the crowd. You know,
39:05
like that is our only option because the other option blows. You're either
39:09
dead, you give up. You're sitting on a couch eating bon bonds,
39:13
watching Netflix, and you've given up on yourself. You've given up on hope,
39:15
and you've given up on life. And we are here to say,
39:17
because we always do on this show, as we offer a message of hope,
39:21
there's nothing but hope in this conversation today, Nothing absolutely nothing. This
39:25
is just rise and grind, Rise and grind. It just made it up
39:30
right now. I've never said those words. I like it, I do.
39:35
I know we should make it a bumper sticker for you. You can
39:37
rip it off of me. I don't have it like trademarked or anything.
39:40
I'm pretty sure somebody else has said it. Yeah, And I have loved
39:45
every minute of this conversation with you. And we are getting close here on
39:49
time. So before we jam, is there anything that you'd like to leave
39:52
our listeners with because you've given us a lot today. You know, my
39:57
biggest thing is, like I said, I think as long as we are
40:00
moving, as long as we are doing something productive to get us closer to
40:06
who we want to be. I mean truly sit down and figure out who
40:09
do you want to be? And then you know, start making a plan
40:14
to get there. Give yourself, give yourself, you know, uh,
40:16
some leniency. Right, You're gonna fuck up and and and and and that's
40:21
okay. You know, it's kind of like uh like James Clear and atomic
40:24
habits. You know, whenever you're starting starting these new habits, it's it's
40:30
tough. You're gonna you're gonna miss a day, but that be kind to
40:34
yourself about it. That that's okay. Just show up the next day,
40:37
you know, give yourself some grace. Yeah, give yourself some grace.
40:39
But the biggest thing is is find out who you want to be, where
40:44
you want to go, and then do something about it. Do something about
40:49
it. You have to be raw and true with yourself and meet yourself where
40:53
you are right now, and then move, just move. There's never a
40:59
perfect time to start. Ever, Ever, never a perfect time to start.
41:02
So just fucking do it now. In something It's like, I mean,
41:06
a five minute runs better than a zero minute run, right, I
41:09
mean it just is so that that is my guidance, is it you?
41:14
Just whatever it takes, just fucking move. That is exactly right, keep
41:19
moving, and that is the only way is forward. So thank you so
41:22
much for spending the time with me today, rich This has been absolutely amazing.
41:25
I knew it was going to be a fun day together. You guys
41:29
are exclusively invited to share this run with your arm in your hands, VIP
41:35
pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to KIO with you
41:38
by my side. That's what we're here for. Welcome to the Pan Game
41:42
Podcast. That's what we do. Let's connect and hear stories of strength and
41:45
your grit. I am here to help provide a safe place for you.
41:49
Guys. You've got stories that you want to share, reach out to us.
41:52
If you have want to reach out to rich or myself, we are
41:53
available. He is on rich ingram dot com. He will be on social
41:58
and all my show notes and all of that so you can find him.
42:00
Please follow the Paying Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast content, we will
42:06
be there. Visit us at the pain gamepodcast dot com and follow us on
42:09
all the socials. Thanks for listening to my little VIPs. Catch you on
42:14
the other side.