Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #608 Supporting Your Child's ADHD

Transcript

#608 Supporting Your Child's ADHD · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: ADHD is a challenge or a disorder related to inhibition,
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  Speaker 2: self regulation, attentional focus, and physical activity, and being outside
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  Speaker 2: seems to be a really profoundly healthy way to build
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  Speaker 2: that and improve that.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Well, school holidays in Queensland are over. We're back, Kylie,
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Misshappy Families. We've got a whole lot of podcasting to do,
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  Speaker 2: especially this month with Mental Health Awareness Month's going to
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  Speaker 2: talk about it in a sec. But how do you
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: think we went with the school holidays? Are you glad
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  Speaker 2: the kids are back at school? Do you miss them already?
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  Speaker 2: Where are you up to? Look?
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  Speaker 3: I actually really love school holidays. Six weeks is way
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  Speaker 3: too much. Christmas time is hard, I think to get through.
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  Speaker 3: We all kind of get to a point where you're
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  Speaker 3: just craving the routine, even though you've been dying to
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  Speaker 3: let go of it. You get to a point where
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  Speaker 3: you just you really need it back the structure. But
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  Speaker 3: two weeks just never feels like enough. I always feel
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  Speaker 3: like I've been cheated by the end of it.
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  Speaker 2: I feel a bit cheated. We'll probably talk about it
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  Speaker 2: on Friday with older better tomorrow, but I feel cheated,
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  Speaker 2: and it's my fault. It's totally self inflicted. But having
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  Speaker 2: this book deadline has kind of cast a shadow over
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  Speaker 2: our entire holidays. For me, at least. I think the
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  Speaker 2: kids have had a good time, but I've just had
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  Speaker 2: this burden of knowing that I need to get to
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  Speaker 2: the office and I need to write, and I've got
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  Speaker 2: work to do. It's been a really hard holidays.
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  Speaker 3: It's not a secret that you don't know how to
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  Speaker 3: holiday very.
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  Speaker 2: Well, only because you tell everyone that I don't. I've
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  Speaker 2: got a question for you. This is probably an unfair
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  Speaker 2: question because you know the answer to it. But if
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  Speaker 2: you didn't know the answer, can you answer a question
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  Speaker 2: as if you didn't know the answer when you do
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  Speaker 2: know the answer, Let me ask you the question if
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  Speaker 2: you didn't know, because we've already talked about it, How
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  Speaker 2: confusing did that sound? What would you imagine the most
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  Speaker 2: diagnosed mental health issue is for children in Austra today.
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  Speaker 2: If we hadn't already talked about it, well.
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  Speaker 3: If I hadn't already talked to you about it, and
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  Speaker 3: we hadn't had a conversation about it, I still probably
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  Speaker 3: would guess the answer. Yeah, because you can't have a
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  Speaker 3: conversation in the classroom without recognizing that just about every
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  Speaker 3: other kid it has been diagnosed with ADHD. Add odd
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  Speaker 3: any number of labels. It just is prolific in our society.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. So ADHD is the number one most diagnosed mental
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  Speaker 2: health issue for our children, specifically with children aged four
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  Speaker 2: to eleven. We're talking primary school kids here. According to
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  Speaker 2: the Austlian Institute of Health and Welfare data, boys more
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  Speaker 2: commonly affected with mental health issues than girls seventeen percent
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  Speaker 2: versus eleven percent, and ADHD ranks as the top disorder
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  Speaker 2: for this age group eight point zero two percent, so
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  Speaker 2: almost one in ten kids aged four to eleven.
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  Speaker 3: So I put it out there like I would never
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  Speaker 3: have put ADHD in mental health.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, well, it's recognized as a mental health issue
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  Speaker 2: or a quote unquote mental illness, but it's a really
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  Speaker 2: controversial and provocative one, and there are all sorts of
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  Speaker 2: very very very smart people on both sides of this
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  Speaker 2: argument saying that it is or it isn't, and different
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  Speaker 2: nations approach it completely differently as well, Like in the
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  Speaker 2: United States, ADHD is off the charts. There are some
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  Speaker 2: places whereas many as thirty percent of kids in the
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  Speaker 2: United States are diagnosed with ADHD. But then you go
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  Speaker 2: somewhere like Finland and there is about one percent of
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  Speaker 2: kids with an ADHD diagnosis. Like they just they reject
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  Speaker 2: it and they look at the broader environment. They say, well,
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  Speaker 2: this is not a this is not a neurobiological thing,
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  Speaker 2: this is an environmental thing. Very provocative thing to talk
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  Speaker 2: about on the podcast. One thing that we can say, regardless,
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  Speaker 2: is that if your child receives an ADHD diagnosis or
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  Speaker 2: has ADHD symptoms, it's incredibly disruptive for you for your child.
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  Speaker 2: It's really hard to function and make life work when
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  Speaker 2: ADHD all those kinds of symptoms are showing up in
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  Speaker 2: your child's life. So, given that it's Mental Health Awareness
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  Speaker 2: Month all month today, we thought that we would help
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  Speaker 2: our parents whose children display ADHD symptoms or who have
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  Speaker 2: received an ADHD diagnosis. So we've come up with four ideas,
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  Speaker 2: four things that we can share that can help to
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  Speaker 2: lighten the load, to ease the burden.
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  Speaker 3: It's interesting having six children and watching each of them
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  Speaker 3: develop so uniquely and differently from one another. It was
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  Speaker 3: quite remarkable to me as a mum to recognize that
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  Speaker 3: when Baby six came along, I just knew I had
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  Speaker 3: to do things differently with her. Yeah, and all of
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  Speaker 3: the kids would say, you know, you treat her so
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  Speaker 3: much differently to us. She gets away with everything. But
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  Speaker 3: there were just certain traits that she had that I
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  Speaker 3: learned very very early on that if I didn't manage
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  Speaker 3: them in a specific way, that our whole lives were
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  Speaker 3: turned upside down. And over time, obviously we've recognized and
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  Speaker 3: she has received a label. And I feel so grateful that,
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  Speaker 3: in spite of all of the I guess the lashback
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  Speaker 3: from the kids and other adults, that I followed my
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  Speaker 3: guart on that because it has made such a difference
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  Speaker 3: to the way she has continued to grow and mature.
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  Speaker 3: So the four things we're going to share with you
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  Speaker 3: today are things that I've actually instinctively worked through with
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  Speaker 3: her over the last eight years and has made such
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  Speaker 3: a difference. The contrast that I see when other adults
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  Speaker 3: come into the picture and they don't know how to manage.
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  Speaker 2: Her, or when we're just not at our best, is insane.
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  Speaker 2: So I prefer the word work with rather than manage.
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  Speaker 2: I think that we want to work with our kids
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  Speaker 2: rather than manage our kids. But the idea here, and
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  Speaker 2: you and I see this kind of differently, and I
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  Speaker 2: really resist and push against the label. I don't think
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  Speaker 2: that it really adds anything. But what I do feel
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  Speaker 2: is that we have had to respond to this particular
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  Speaker 2: daughter and her needs in ways that are unique and
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  Speaker 2: different to the way our other five kids have been raised.
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  Speaker 2: So where do you want to start. We've got four ideas.
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  Speaker 2: Let's hit one right now before the break, and then
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  Speaker 2: after the break we'll to the other three.
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  Speaker 3: Well, let's start with an easy one. Okay, Outside and
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  Speaker 3: keeping them busy. Yes, they are busy people. They love
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  Speaker 3: to move their bodies, they're exploring, they're just constantly on
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  Speaker 3: the go. And I learned very very early on the
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  Speaker 3: more time my child had outside, just being able to
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  Speaker 3: just be her and explore the world the way she
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  Speaker 3: wanted to life was bliss.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: It's tricky as well, though, because they want to be
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  Speaker 2: focused on their screens. They get hyper focused on whatever
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  Speaker 2: they're doing once they are really in. But we also
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  Speaker 2: know that there's that hyperactivity aspect, and we also know
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  Speaker 2: I mean, research shows there is there. It is beyond doubt.
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  Speaker 2: It's indisputable that when kids are getting physical activity, it's
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  Speaker 2: good for their body, it's good for their mind, it's
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  Speaker 2: good for their soul, it's good for everything so nature
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  Speaker 2: feel for the soul, but physical activity as well, it
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  Speaker 2: just makes such a difference in their capacity to focus
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  Speaker 2: and pay attention. Ultimately, ADHD is a challenge or a
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: disorder related to inhibition, self regulation, attentional focus, and physical activity,
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  Speaker 2: and being outside seems to be a really profoundly healthy
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  Speaker 2: way to build that and improve that. In fact, there
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  Speaker 2: are some researchers in some parts of the world who
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  Speaker 2: will say that's the central issue behind the ADHD problems
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  Speaker 2: that we're having diagnosed around the world. If more kids
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  Speaker 2: were getting more outside time, more physical activity time, like
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  Speaker 2: we did thirty forty fifty years ago, let's get all
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  Speaker 2: nostalgic that we would have a whole lot less ADHD.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 2: I know some people are saying, my kids are fully
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  Speaker 2: active and they've still got I'm not making an argument
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  Speaker 2: one way or the other here except to highlight that
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  Speaker 2: that point that you've made being outside and getting physical
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  Speaker 2: activity is vitally important for men health and it can
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  Speaker 2: be it has been shown empirically to make a difference
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to kids with ADHD. After the break,
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  Speaker 2: let's talk about the three other things that you can
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  Speaker 2: do to help your child starting right now. If there's
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  Speaker 2: ADHD diagnoses or symptoms that you're dealing with.
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  Speaker 3: It's a Happy Family's podcast, the podcast with a time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we've got
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  Speaker 3: three more things that we have learned through trial and
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  Speaker 3: error have made a huge difference to dealing with our
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  Speaker 3: child with ADHD.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to start with a nice easy one,
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  Speaker 2: and that is that we just need to work on transitions,
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  Speaker 2: especially around screens. So one thing that I've watched happen
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  Speaker 2: with family after family is when you put something on
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  Speaker 2: a kid, most kids, but especially kids that have got
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  Speaker 2: these ADHD symptoms or diagnoses, and you say, hey, a
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  Speaker 2: time to turn off the TV, or it's time to
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  Speaker 2: go and do this, or it's time to go and
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  Speaker 2: do that. It's same with kids that are on the
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  Speaker 2: spectrum as well. They don't respond well unless there's been
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  Speaker 2: some transition time an opportunity for them to get their
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  Speaker 2: head around. Here is where I am now and soon
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  Speaker 2: I need to be moving from here to there? Makes
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  Speaker 2: such a difference.
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  Speaker 3: But even as much as transitions are important, they're actually
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  Speaker 3: understanding the structure and routine of their day so that
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  Speaker 3: they know that when you give them that five minute
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  Speaker 3: warning about what's going to happen next, they actually know
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  Speaker 3: that that's actually the next step in their day. It
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  Speaker 3: makes such a difference if they feel like they've got
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  Speaker 3: a bit of autonomy around it as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, structure, routine, transition time, five minutes to go? How
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  Speaker 2: many more minutes? What are we doing in five minutes?
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  Speaker 1: Time?
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  Speaker 2: Two more minutes? What are we doing in two minutes.
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  Speaker 2: It's having that interaction, engagement, making sure that they're looking
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  Speaker 2: in your eyes, making sure they're saying I'm turning off
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  Speaker 2: the TV or I'm going to bed, or I'm getting
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  Speaker 2: in the car, or I'm doing whatever. You get them
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  Speaker 2: to tell you what it is it's going to happen.
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  Speaker 2: It's annoying for them, but ultimately it means that you'll
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  Speaker 2: have a much more peaceful process as you transition from
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  Speaker 2: one part of the day to another. You mentioned supporting autonomy,
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  Speaker 2: so let's mention let's bring that up because that's our
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  Speaker 2: number three ideas supporting autonomy. I'm writing an entire book
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  Speaker 2: about this, but before I launch to do anything about autonomy,
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  Speaker 2: what would you say that means for you?
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  Speaker 3: I guess the biggest thing is just our kids want
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: to know that they actually have some say in the
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  Speaker 3: way their world functions and their day to day activities.
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  Speaker 3: But I found, especially with our ADHD child, she just
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: needed to do things her way, and so finding a
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  Speaker 3: way to keep her safe and to keep her within
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  Speaker 3: kind of the boundaries of our family principles and standards
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  Speaker 3: has probably been the biggest challenge of dealing with her,
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  Speaker 3: but it has made the biggest difference in her behavior
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  Speaker 3: and her response to the world around her.
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  Speaker 2: There's nothing I can add to that. So Number one,
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  Speaker 2: get the kids outside, get them moving their bodies, get
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  Speaker 2: them involved in physical activity. Number two, work on transitions, warnings, conversations, reminders,
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  Speaker 2: getting them defeed it back to you. Number three support
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: their autonomy. And number four I think this is probably
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  Speaker 2: the most important one of all, which is why I
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  Speaker 2: wanted to save it to the end. The importance of
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  Speaker 2: staying calm, This.
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  Speaker 3: As probably the biggest challenge.
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  Speaker 2: The importance of slowing down and being supportive. So we
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  Speaker 2: got some feedback from Jess, a Happy Family's premium member.
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  Speaker 2: She jumped into her iPhone and sent us a voice
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  Speaker 2: memo and said, I don't really know if I love
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  Speaker 2: the whole high emotions low intelligence thing, because you're suggesting
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  Speaker 2: that high emotions are bad because it makes you dumb.
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  Speaker 2: But emotions are valuable and give us information and we
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  Speaker 2: should appreciate emotions all the time. She said, can we
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  Speaker 2: change it to you're not thinking straight in a high
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  Speaker 2: emotion state, or when you're on the brink, remember to
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  Speaker 2: stop and think. And Jess, I love that. I'm still
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  Speaker 2: going to say high motions low intelligence because we don't
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  Speaker 2: want to be making decisions in a high emotion state.
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  Speaker 2: Our thinking is not as clear, we are less intelligent,
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  Speaker 2: and it's important that we recognize that while those emotions
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  Speaker 2: are a valuable that they're not always true and they
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  Speaker 2: don't necessarily support us to make the decisions that we
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  Speaker 2: need to make so that we can be rational and
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  Speaker 2: thoughtful and wise.
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  Speaker 1: Well.
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  Speaker 3: I think that that is a really, really big distinction
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  Speaker 3: that you've got there. Based on what Jess is sharing,
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  Speaker 3: you're suggesting that when we're in those higher mode of states.
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  Speaker 3: Because our intelligence is lower, we're not capable of making
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  Speaker 3: big decisions in the most appropriate way.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, we tend to be more rash.
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  Speaker 3: So while she's got some great ideas and suggestions, I
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  Speaker 3: love them. They're great, and they work for different things.
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  Speaker 3: What you're actually suggesting is that when we're in that
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  Speaker 3: heightened emotion state, it's really important that we actually are
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  Speaker 3: able to take a step back and not jump into
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  Speaker 3: decision making.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're on the brink room, but to stop
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  Speaker 2: and think you're not thinking straight in high e motion state.
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  Speaker 2: I love it. So what you're really highlighting is what
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Jess is highlighted, and that is that when you've got
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  Speaker 2: a child who exhibits ADHD symptoms or has an ADHD diagnosis,
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  Speaker 2: the best thing that you can do is slow down.
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  Speaker 2: Because we're inclined to speed up thinking, our thought processes
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  Speaker 2: when they're faster, tend to be less deliberate, less considered,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: and quite often less accurate. There's just more value in
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: slowing things down, being supportive and staying calm. When you
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: stay calm and balanced, you can make more rational choices.
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  Speaker 3: Well, what I actually found with our daughter was just
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  Speaker 3: that the more heightened my emotions became, the more heightened
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  Speaker 3: hers became, and it actually escalated so quickly.
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  Speaker 2: And emotions are contagious, it.
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  Speaker 3: Was it was so intense, and especially when we were
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  Speaker 3: out in public then, you know, kind of I was
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  Speaker 3: feeling the public shame, I guess, and the guilt around
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  Speaker 3: having this child who was explosive, which just added like
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: piled on the emotion that we were all feeling in
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  Speaker 3: the moment, and it made it really really hard. And
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  Speaker 3: once I was able to step back and recognize that
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  Speaker 3: her emotions actually had very little to do with me.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't my fault.
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  Speaker 3: This was her expressing what was going on in her world,
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  Speaker 3: and it didn't make me a bad mum because she
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  Speaker 3: was having a moment that I was able to stay
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  Speaker 3: calm and just recognize that this was big for her
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  Speaker 3: right now. Once I did that, she actually she still
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  Speaker 3: has those big, big explosive moments, but they last seconds,
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  Speaker 3: sometimes you know, a minute at the most, and then
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  Speaker 3: she'll walk out the door and it's like it never happened.
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  Speaker 2: Get the kids outside physically active, support their autonomy, work
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: on transitions, and stay calm, slow down, be supportive. We
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: hope that these are some useful tips if you have
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: children who even if they don't have ADHD. Seriously, these
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: are just going to be useful. Useful ideas for Mental
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Health Awareness Month. Four things that you can do right
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: now to support your child's ADHD. The Happy Family's podcast
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: is our executive producer, and for more information about making
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: your family happier, please visit us at happyfamilies dot com
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: dot a