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Some NARCISSISTS refuse to COMPLIMENT you! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists don't like
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  to give you compliments, why some of them don't like to give
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  you compliments. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, a lot. Of y'all know this is true?
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  A lot of you know that this is the truth right here.
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  Lee Hamid be dropping truth bombs.
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  That's why you follow me. That's why you follow me, y'all.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you check out my kids book
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  on Amazon. Remember it's not your fault.
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  To help your kids understand what they're going through in a
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  toxic relationship situation. Check it out on Amazon.
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  Remember it's not your fault but yes y'all yes yes yes.
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  Narcissistic toxic people. Absolutely love love.
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  To withhold compliments and affection from you.
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  Love it there. Yeah, there are a lot of
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  narcissists out here who will refuse to tell you that you look
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  good. Who will refuse you refuse.
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  To tell you that you've been putting the work in and that
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  they're proud of you and anything like that.
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  It's not just about about your body or your weight loss or
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  weight gain journey, whatever type of journey you owe.
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  This could be your success, this could be you graduated from
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  college, this could be you getting from promotion at work.
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  This could be you getting a job that you want.
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  Like a lot of them will refuse to compliment you on your
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  successes. You know what I mean?
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  But Lee, why is that? Why the hell doesn't my partner
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  like to? See me win in any way, shape or
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  form. Why do they hate to just say
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  Congrats? Why do they hate this type of
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  stuff right here? Why do they?
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  Why? Can't they stand this?
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  You know a lot of narcissists. There's one reason.
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  There's a few reasons, y'all. One reason is that they're
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  jealous of you. They are, absolutely.
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  Jealous of you and the crazy thing about it is y'all, they
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  can already be in the best shape of their life.
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  They can. Already have the the job that
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  they've been wanting their whole entire life.
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  They can already have all of that stuff and still be jealous
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  of you. Willie, What the hell?
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  How does that make sense? Why are they jealous of us if
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  they already have what they want?
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  If they already have what they need, why are they jealous of
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  us? Why?
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  Can't they just celebrate us? Y'all narcissistic people?
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  Like it is going. To sound bad, it's going to
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  sound, it's going to sound really weird and I know it's
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  going to sound really weird y'all, but a lot of narcissists,
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  right? A lot of narcissistic people,
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  when they achieve success, they are still not happy when they
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  achieve like this big promotion or whatever they want to be,
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  when they, when they get what they're searching for, when they
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  get what they're after, they're not fully happy with it.
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  And that gets on their damn nerves that get, yeah, that
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  irritates, that irritates our souls.
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  Like Tony Robbins had a good line.
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  He said the he said ultimate failure is success without
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  fulfilment. That's the ultimate.
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  That's one of the ultimate failures.
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  One of the greatest failures in life is to have success without
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  fulfilment. Like to achieve your goals and
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  not be happy with it? Not be content with it.
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  That's. Ultimate failure.
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  So narcissists or a lot of us are ultimate failures because we
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  get what we're looking for, we get what we're after, and we're
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  not happy with it. We get the person we're after.
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  We get the. Perfect partner.
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  The partner. We've we've been.
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  The partner we've been dreaming of our whole lives.
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  The job we've been wanting out since we were kids.
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  The the the job, the promotion, the friend group, the family
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  structure we wanted since we were children.
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  We get that. We're not.
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  Happy, and it frustrates the hell out of us.
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  And it makes us mad as hell that you get to be happy.
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  You're happy with your success, you're content with it, you love
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  it. You're just proud to be where
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  you are. And we are not.
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  We get jealous of that, so we don't celebrate you because of
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  that. We don't celebrate you or
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  compliment you because we're jealous of you.
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  A lot of us are. And yes, I'm saying us because
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  I'm one of them. I was one of them, you know, I'm
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  not my mind still. Works that way.
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  A little bit here and there, but for the most part, I don't get
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  jealous of my friends and stuff like that.
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  Even if I get jealous, I'm still clapping for them, right?
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  Even if I get jealous of my friends, I clap for them, I clap
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  for them, I'm happy for them and whatnot and it just, it
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  motivates me. But back in the day, I used to
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  be for Oh Barbie, this is fine. Flaming hot.
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  Jealous. You know what I mean.
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  Flaming hot. Like a flaming hot Cheeto.
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  I mean flaming hot. Flaming hot.
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  Jealousy. That's that's what I was.
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  Experiencing flaming hot jealousy.
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  I know this sounds crazy but that's literally how my mind was
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  working in those situations I had.
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  I was flaming hot. I was so damn angry and mad at
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  myself. I mean mad mad at other people
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  because they were more successful than me and I was
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  just like why them, not me? Why you and not them?
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  That's the question a lot of narcissists tend to ask
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  ourselves. Why you and not me?
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  Why do you get to be happy and I don't?
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  Why I'm hell, why the hell am I super sad and they're frustrated
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  with myself and you were just smiling and cheesing your ass
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  off? Why do you get why do you get
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  this and I don't? It's a very frustrating mindset
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  to have y'all. And that's why I try to convey
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  to people it's super frustrating when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person. And this is how our minds work.
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  This is what goes on top of our heads, that we are jealous of
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  you because we can't be happy with what we have.
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  And you are? You know, so jealousy is a big
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  reason, y'all, Jealousy is a huge reason.
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  Another, another reason is because they don't want to blow
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  your heads up. They don't want to blow your
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  heads up. They're still, it's going to
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  sound crazy, but abandonment issues play a role here, y'all.
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  I feel like if I blow your head, if I compliment you too much,
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  you'll leave me. You won't need me anymore.
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  If I give you everything that you won't need, you won't need
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  me anymore, right? So I'm not going to do it.
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  You want me to tell you. You want me to tell you that you
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  look great in that black dress and I know you look good.
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  I know you look good in that dress.
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  I'm like. How, How do I look, Babe?
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  It's all right. Only all right.
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  Yeah. It's OK, man.
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  What do you want to say? It's OK.
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  Look, you look OK. My mind.
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  In my mind, I'm just like snack time, you know, Whatever.
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  It is, but in my but my mouth doesn't say that.
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  In my mind, I'm like, damn, you look good, but my mouth says
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  you're OK. It's like a filter.
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  Like it goes through, like it goes through a filter.
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  Damn, you look good as hell. You look, you look, you look
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  edible. You're OK.
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  You're OK. It just starts off with some
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  craziness, right? Some wildness and some some you
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  know, some thoughts and it comes out you're OK.
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  It's OK. Hey babe, I just graduated.
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  From college. Oh, good for you.
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  I just got the job that I wanted.
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  Oh, that's amazing. Good.
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  Good job. No energy.
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  I think you're going to leave me.
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  If I tell you this right here. I think you're going to leave
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  me. I don't want you to have that.
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  I don't want you to leave me. I have abandonment issues.
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  I want you to stay here with me. I want you to need something for
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  me. And as long as you're needing
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  some type of validation for me, I don't think you'll leave me.
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  I know this sounds deep and dark, but it it it can be.
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  As long as you need this validation for me, I don't think
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  that you'll leave me. And it can work it, it can work
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  as simple as that. As long as I think you need
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  validation from me, I don't think you'll need me.
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  So you're still searching for that validation, right?
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  You're still seeking that validation, right?
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  You're still asking for that validation, right?
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  And that's what happens in a lot of these spaces, a lot of these
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  relationship dynamics. You're still searching for that
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  validation. You're still needing that
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  validation from me. So I don't give it to you
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  because you need it from me. You crave it for me.
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  So I, I withhold it because I want you to leave me.
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  I just, I have a better issue. I think if I tell you that you
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  look good, you actually start to believe it.
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  I don't want you to believe it. And I know it sounds deep and
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  dark and this is not me speaking for myself, but this is me
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  speaking from the mind of an artist.
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  I don't want you to believe that you look good.
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  I don't want you to believe that you are super successful because
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  guess what those things are? Those things mean that you're,
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  you're growing too much and you might outgrow me.
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  So I don't want to like, you know.
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  What do you? What do you do?
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  With a plant that you want to stop, that you don't want to
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  outgrow, it's, it's vase. You stop watering it, you trim
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  it's leaves. You start, you start cutting it,
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  right. Start cutting down some of the
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  branches, the, the vines, you start trimming it down and
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  cutting it. You don't want the plant to
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  outgrow it's vase. I'm the vase.
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  I don't want you to outgrow me. So I'm, so I'm, I'm trimming
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  you. I got the little, I got the
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  little shears. I'm shearing you, right?
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  I'm shearing you. And this is what happens a lot
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  of times in these spaces. I'm shearing you right now.
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  That's why I'm just telling people in these spaces, this is
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  what happens so much in these spaces right here.
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  And if I tell people if you're dealing with a narcissist or a
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  toxic person and they, they will try to stunt your growth, they
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  will, you know, and it. Doesn't mean.
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  That they don't care about you. I know some people you know.
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  Please don't conflate that with them not caring about you.
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  It's just that they don't want you to outgrow them and just
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  because they do care about you that's mean you should stay in a
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  toxic relationship. Let me let me say that I know
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  people were here. Oh, that's all I needed to hear,
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  Lee. I didn't want them to.
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  Hear you say that they do care thanks I'm going to I'm going to
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  go stay in my toxicity now No, that's not what I.
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  Said don't take. It like that.
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  Don't do it. You know, don't go back into
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  toxicity based on something that I say, y'all please don't do
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  that. You know what I mean?
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  Don't do that. This is this is the actions or
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  we, we are actions oriented over here, right?
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  We are actions oriented over here.
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  So they like. I said.
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  They don't want you to leave them and they're jealous of you.
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  Those are the two main reasons right there, you know, because
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  they think that they should be where you are, happy, content.
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  You know what? And as long as you need that
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  validation for me, I'll keep you here.
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  But Lee, how the hell do we do this?
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  Like, I can't leave right now. How do I make this work right
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  now? How do I, you know, how do I
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  stay in this situation? Yeah.
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  If this is one of your biggest problems that you need
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  validation from this person, you you you have to get to the point
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  where you don't necessarily need it.
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  Or you can take their lack of validation.
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  Their lack of. Validation as validation?
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  Yeah, you have to try. Hard to tell people you have to
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  try. You know how?
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  Hard it is to tell them a baddie in today's in young folks
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  language, a baddie or a hot boy, a handsome dude, that they don't
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  look good. It takes strength to do that
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  y'all. It takes strength to.
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  Look at somebody that you know is gorgeous and looking good to
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  say no that you don't. It's intentional, the lack of
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  validation, you know, it's like the opposite take.
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  It's like. Playing opposite game with your
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  narcissistic partner. Hey babe, how do I look?
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  Or you look OK, that means I look great.
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  You see what? I'm saying thanks, babe, take
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  it, take it like that. Reframe your mindset.
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  Hey, babe, I got that. Hey, babe, I got that promotion
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  I've been looking for. So I'm so happy.
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  We're going to make we're going to make more money the house.
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  Are we going to be able to do some stuff around the house?
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  Hell yeah. And they they're like, oh,
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  that's good. I know, that's good isn't it?
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  Take it like that, y'all take their lack.
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  Of attempted validation. And take it for what it is.
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  They have to. Intentionally be that.
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  Way to you know, they have to intentionally withhold it from
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  you. They have to, you know.
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  It takes. Power and strength.
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  To withhold stuff like that, they have you have to try to do
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  that, so their lack of validation is invalidating you,
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  you know I'm saying that's just the way a different way of
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  looking. At it if that's just a different
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  way of looking at it. Because I have to try.
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  Hard as hell to tell my wife when she looking.
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  Good. Like, are you okay?
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  Knowing she look good knowing it so if I say.
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  You OK your? Partner looks at you, you got a
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  look you got a fitted suit on like you like you look you you
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  dress like you about to go to trial.
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  You got a fitted suit on your heart in beard shave everything
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  you good to go you ready to go to court look you like you ready
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  to dress for court. You want to impress the jewelry
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  and you're like, how, baby, how? Baby, what you think?
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  What's your name about this suit?
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  And they say, oh, it's OK. Oh yeah, it is OK, ain't it?
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  Oh, I know it's OK. Thanks.
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  Thank you. Get hype.
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  Over the little stuff. You see what I'm saying?
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  Because that way. They can't drain your energy.
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  They can't drain you. If you weaponize, if you use it,
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  if you take it and reframe it, they can't use it against you.
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  Oh, yo, it's it's OK. Oh, good, good.
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  Good for you. Yeah.
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  Hell yeah, good for me, yes, do it like that y'all.
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  I'm telling you, it is not only shocked them, but it has shocked
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  yourself too at how much energy and strength that you can give
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  yourself from a lack. Like even if they ignore you,
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  y'all know how much energy it takes to try to ignore somebody
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  to look that you know looks good or you know it's successful.
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  You know how much energy it takes to try to ignore you.
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  So try not to look at you. Take that as like, yeah, I look
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  good, yes. Take it like that.
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  Look at him. Look at him.
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  Try not to look at me. Yeah, I look good, yes.
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  And smile. You know.
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  What I'm saying this is the y'all this is take the.
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  Information. What you hear, that's that's
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  just how I would do it. That's how I see it.
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  I've been doing reframing stuff in my mind for so long and
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  taking little stuff as big things you may ignore.
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  You take strength. You have to to ignore me.
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  You have to acknowledge it. You see what I'm saying?
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  You have to acknowledge what? You have to acknowledge what you
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  ignored. So you know I look good.
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  You just ain't gonna tell me. OK.
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  OK anyways y'all, if y'all haven't maybe make sure you
• 13:09
  subscribe to the channel, check out my support groups at
• 13:12
  courses.mentalillness.net and if you still follow me on Facebook,
• 13:15
  my page is still hacked. They've now they the hackers
• 13:18
  have now resorted to posting my old videos now it is still not
• 13:21
  me. I told y'all when I get
• 13:24
  unhacked, if I ever get the page back, I'm optimistically I will.
• 13:28
  I will post a picture of myself saying something, you know, I'll
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  give you all code word anyways. Y'all thank y'all for tuning in
• 13:35
  y'all be safe. Take care of each other until
• 13:36
  this is out please. Thank you so much for making it
• 13:39
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 13:41
  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 13:44
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 13:45
  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 13:47
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 13:50
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 13:52
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 13:54
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 13:56
  I will see you in the next video.
• 13:58
  Peace.