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How To Revive The Best Parts Of Yourself-Your Voice! · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: So welcome again to another edition of Unleashing Kingdom Voices, teresa Kroff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: With you, I'm going to share an interview where I was blessed to be interviewed by the one and only amazing Deb Harrison, and just share, really, just kind of opening up some pages of our lives and sharing the nitty gritty.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: So this episode, if you're listening, is brought to you by Daily Pay Revival.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Revive your mind, revive your heart.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Check out how you can make $900 a day and that sounds like?
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's Jason talking about two-hour workday.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Follow the blueprint.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: This is the answer dailypayrevivalcom.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So, without further ado, let's jump right into the interview with Deb Harrison.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Everybody we are live here Just got to click it over here on Instagram and then we will be good to go.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: I think it's there.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Excellent, I'm excited.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I am here with Teresa In a moment.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: As always, I'm going to let Teresa introduce herself, talk about what she does and what she stands behind, but I do want to, of course, take an opportunity to thank everybody who is joining us live, everybody who is joining us after the fact recorded.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: We really appreciate you letting us be a part of your day or evening or wherever you have, whatever time of day you happen to be consuming this content.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: We're confident that something that we say is going to strike a chord with you and be able to impact you in a positive way.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: The comment section that I do have here.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I don't notice the comments when they come up because I'm really focused, or sometimes they don't even transfer over.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: So if you happen to comment to Teresa and I and neither of us responds, we will go back to all the platforms that we are streaming live from after the fact and make sure that we didn't miss any comments that people wrote.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So please know that we're not intentionally ignoring you.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: It's just we get I get engaged in these conversations, I don't even notice sometimes the comments popping up.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: When they do pop up, I understand, so yeah, anyway.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: So, teresa, why don't you introduce yourself, tell everybody what you're about, and then we're just going to chat, like always?
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I got to say thanks for the Deb effect getting to be with you.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: It's such a joy.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I love you, deb.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: So my name is Teresa Croft.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I'm a voice revivalist.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I help those who feel voiceless because of trauma.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Help them find their voice, create impact, make money and grow in community.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I do that through my speaking, my podcasting and my digital business called DailyPayRevivalcom.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: But I've had a little pivot, deb.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I'm all about women getting victory in their voice.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Well, after 18 years, I've been rehired at a radio station that I used to work for for 15 years, and guess the name of it?
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: The name of it is Victory 91.5.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And the byline is the sound of revival.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I said okay because God said, tracy, you are a voice revivalist.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: He told me that at the beginning of the year.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'll take it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: So, anyway, that's kind of what I've been up to and just truly enjoy seeing women really break free from the trauma, get some healing and end up speaking to the person they once were.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah so powerful, were yeah so powerful.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: And I mean, obviously I get, I have an, I have additional insight having spent some really quality time with you, with a collective group of people that we're friends with and one-on-one, and having some really incredible conversations.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: So I do have that insight and I hope that some of that's going to come out in this conversation but, I think that you're a model of what you want to help others do and that's a lot of of the power You're very open about sharing, of what it's like to feel voiceless and how you become somebody that can speak up Obviously, the widespread ways that that can come out in our lives.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Speaking up doesn't always necessarily have to be putting your foot down.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of different ways that we can be heard and we can really express ourselves.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: So I would love for you to share with folks a little bit about just at the core of why that matters to you so much.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: You know you said the statement you said I just love seeing people start to hear, you know, start to be able to speak more confidently and be themselves with more revival right, that word revival.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Why is that so important to you?
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Like, what really where's that in the core of your being?
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: What has made that such a critical thing for you?
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Well, I, like I, have these two swans.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: They made for life.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: But husband and wife, husband, wife.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes there's a crash.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: My I could write a book.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I'm glad my husband died, subtitled, how I Found, won the War on my Voice and that sounds terrible.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: But listen, listen, I'm all for the covenant of marriage, Deb, I'm all for men.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: A good looking man or a truck drive by my head's going to turn.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: But why?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: This is my story.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Why would I talk about it?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Why would this matter?
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Because freedom is on my lips.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Rescue is my mission.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: My life might be someone else's survival guide.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: And, in short, I was married for 26 years to a man who was we know the N word now narcissus, and how that can wrap and warp you.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: The last eight months of my marriage was brutal.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: He got third degree burns over 30% of his body.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: We were moving.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Four months later he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and four months later he died.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: That's not really the story, but in those last eight months all the hyper meanness came out with laser words.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was in open heart surgery with no anesthesia.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: So I don't have to defend him.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: That was what he was.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Do I take that and and go forward with, with steps that people can follow.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean your marriage doesn't have to be horrendous Mine just happened to be pretty horrendous at times Cause you know, um, trauma can wrap you, your mind and you, you, you don't become the person you really are.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: There's three things.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Can I share the three things real quick?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I would love it, okay.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: The first thing is you got to know that.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: You know that you have a voice.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Because when you know you have a voice, even in the midst of trauma, I still used my voice.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: If you think, well, what's my voice?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: It's connected to your DNA.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It's connected to your identity.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I like to say and I think I've said this what did you like to do when you were a child?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I think you find threads of your voice.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: When I was little like around seven, six, seven, eight we lived in this old house and I'd get up on top of the stairs and I'd pretend like I'd see a crowd like Billy Graham and I'd preach.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I was Catholic, I didn't want to be a priest.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: We later moved and there were only two steps.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So that's not cool.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Well, one day, playing, I found an apple cart.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I had found the Lord, I had a relationship with God by then and I looked at that apple cart, I tipped it upside down, I got up on top of it and I did preach to the birds, the bees and the apple trees.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Hey guys, you need Jesus.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Do you know?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Since 2008, I have opened an Apple product Apple phones, filters, of course and have said my words, said what God was speaking through me.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: So I think you got to know that.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: You got to know what your voice is, because even in the midst of all that cacophony in my marriage, I still was committed to looking at that camera.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: You don't play your life on social, so no one ever knew what I was going through, but you got to be.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: So this is the tip you got to be committed to know your voice and press forward.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Even in the midst of the hell you may go into Real quick.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Number two you got to learn how to say no.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: When you say yes to someone, what you really feel like is a no.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Deep down, you lose a part of yourself.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Studies indicate you lose a part of yourself and you start to question yourself.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Real simple my husband, in the last 12 years, became a cook and he always wanted me to go to the grocery store.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I hate the grocery store and I could not say no because I knew I'd have a week of, you know, criticism, oh my God.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Another thing I could have said no.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I could have put a barrier up to the laser words, and I didn't.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I remember this.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: One time I just got lashed.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: There's nowhere to go.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I learned the boundary.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Go to another room.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I was on the truck, nowhere to go, and I just got tongue-lashing.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: This is before his cancer and I remember my voice was riding and I was just driving down the road and this came out the deep will of God appears to be running dry.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The hand of God seems to be waving goodbye.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: The string that once held two as one is raveled and left me undone, just you know.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: So that was still my voice writing in the midst of that.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I think I should have said no.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Point number three is real exciting.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: What?
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Fight for your family or fight for your friends?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Fight for that inner circle.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Deb, do you know?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: There's this.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: You might've heard of this.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: There's a hormone that serves as a neurotransmitter called Oxycontin.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: No, excuse me, oxytocin, not Oxycontin.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I was going to say I probably should have been on Oxycontin, oxytocin and it's a neurotransmitter.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: It's a hormone.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Some people call it the love hormone, but in the basis of relationship it maintains trust, you know, validity in your relationship and bonding, a real bonding.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I was low, very low on that.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I remember the last time I went to friend with my best friend it was a phone friend, dave left.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I called.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: The last time I went to friend with my best friend, it was a phone friend, dave left.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I called I was going to go out to coffee.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: She went with him.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I said come on, do you know?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I've studied this because I really believe in it.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Do you know, if your oxytocin is low, you have a chance for heart disease, low immune system and diabetes or heart something, and of course, anxiety, loneliness and depression.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I really believed that I didn't have the big three because I had a solid relationship with God, intimate, even though that still was my bedrock.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: But I had plenty of anxiety, depression and everything else and loneliness.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: So you've got to fight for your friends.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have fought for my friends more.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have found a little.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: You know, when you have an inner circle it's just maybe one or two people.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have fought more for that.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: So fight for your friends.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Fight for those that are going to speak life over.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: You Fight for them, even if you have to hide them, and you may not be in an abusive situation, but who you surround yourself with changes the structure of your brain.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: So I fight to be with Deb and Linda and Vince and Del.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I fight to be with those people who are going to speak life, who let me be myself.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: That's all oxytocin.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: So find your voice, say no and fight for your friends.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: And that's just like the core.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: My rescue story might be someone else's survival guide.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: That's where I'm so passionate about yeah.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for all of us.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I mean that phrase right there, and then I want to dig back into some of the other stuff you said.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: But absolutely we, we help, empower other people when we share our stories.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: No two stories are exactly the same and I think it's important that even when we tell what I've been through and how I've coped through it, or where I could have done things differently that might have been helpful, I open up ways for other people and that's why our sharing of our full story becomes so essential.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: And I know that in the amount of time that we have, teresa, it's obviously hard for you to kind of give everybody that background.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: But I mean, I would kind of say, and listening to you, just talk.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I think for me, knowing from our conversations, that what happened was you were valuing your marriage, you were valuing that relationship, which we should right, because I think sometimes when we're in an unhealthy situation, then we start to almost berate ourselves for what we tolerated, and there were things that you shouldn't have tolerated.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: But there was also something beautiful about the fact that you really were trying to make things work, but it crossed into an area where that was no longer possible and the abuse that you were sustaining was really depleting you, just as you noted across the board physically, emotionally, spiritually though your relationship with God stayed pretty strong.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: You were feeling distant from him because of the fact that those barriers were put up.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: So it's really it was a it was a tragic experience that you went to, went through excuse me and then having the the the end of your marriage and all of the health crises that he was going through, and the things that were being said, and the fact that, at the same time, you were trying to care for him and help him through those health crises.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: So on the other side of this, a lot of the fog that was oppressively over you for many years lifted, and that is really, um, when you talk about revival, you know you had revival and it's continuing to happen.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, you'll still sometimes in conversations, right, say like, oh, it's like a new awakening, like you're uncovering more of that stuff, and that's the message to people whether you're in an abusive situation or it's because of a mental health crisis that you're going through, a physical health crisis that you're going through uh, unexpected life circumstance, pivot, that all of a sudden has catapulted you in places you didn't expect to be, when you're in that point, trying to get in touch with that core inner self, right, your core inner self is that seven-year-old who was standing up on top of the steps.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: We all have some way that we like to stand on top of the steps or on the apple crate and find ourselves and really live fully into that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Right that, that childhood experience and those three things that you talk about, right, in terms of understanding your, your, what you really care about, in terms of saying those boundaries and being able to to make state, those nose that when you need to, those are really critical pieces.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: I want to kind of cause I this is a place that I know that we connect and it ties right in with one of those points that you were making about the no, and I was talking to somebody earlier today actually two people earlier today, two separate conversations and this topic came up about the no and about the concept of kindness, because I was sharing how sometimes people will say things about like, oh you're too nice and oh you're too kind, because we have sometimes blurred the blurred together niceness and kindness with letting anything happen.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Right, like a person hurting you in some way emotionally, physically, intentionally or unintentionally.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Right, they don't realize something that they're saying and so you don't, you don't put up a boundary, you don't explain the impact that it's having on you and that it needs to stop.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: That's not kindness, that's not niceness, that's not having a healthy understanding of how you effectively communicate.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: There's no such thing as being too kind or being too nice.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: There is such thing as being as living in an unhealthy way because you allow things to be creating harm for you where there may be an opportunity for you to stop it.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Right, and that's where that revival comes in is.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Even if you are somebody that people refer to as being super nice, super kind, really friendly, it's still critical for you to flag and acknowledge and try to stop the behaviors or things that are going on that aren't okay.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: That's part of being a kind person, is helping other people to be the best versions of themselves.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: So when somebody is saying something hurtful, unintentionally or intentionally, and we say, hey, I, you know, here's why that's upsetting me, um, that is actually part of living fully into kindness, and I know that you are such a just, loving and kind and warm person to be around and you know, in parallel with that, very much an advocate for helping people to understand that they can set those boundaries like you're talking about.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: And you, you really had to maneuver into that.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, my husband did pass I didn't mention that after he got burned and then four months later he passed and listen, I'm not.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not for, I don't, I'm not for divorce, but I'm not for abuse either.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Right, and when you said it's a mental fog, it is a mental fog.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: If you're in the midst of that fog, you understand, but you can fight still.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I believe, even in the fog, you can fight for your voice.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I can remember Deb doing, still doing live videos.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I had gotten a kingdom mentor academy in the process of all this and I remember looking in that camera.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I would not live my life on social media, so when I started coming out, it really surprised some people, but some people it didn't.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: But I can remember looking into that camera.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I was committed, I think back in 2018, 19, to do four lives a week and whenever I went live, that he would like just make noise and I would just still look into the camera, and a lot of times.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: This is why I think it's important to find a voice.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I would have like a script kind of a.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: You know what I wanted to say.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I was speaking to myself, I knew it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I was like I would turn the mic on and the next thing, I know I was talking, but I wasn't talking about what I was going through.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting how, when you experience some things, even in the midst of the hell, I really believe there's still that thread that pulls you through.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: It's your identity, your voice, that links to your identity.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Your identity is who you are.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I'd say it's who you are in Christ, not what you do, although your identity is expressed.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: So and saying no, you know, I don't want to go in.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I threw up on my first TED talk for the Kingdom Mentor.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: It's called, actually called the Kingdom Impact Message.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I looked at it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like man, I threw up, but it was my freedom.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, I told the details.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Never do I go and tell a lot of details on social.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: They don't know and we have enough stuff.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: So if you are going through something, don't live your life on social.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Can I say that?
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Because that's just not the way, that's not right and it just is.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: No one wants to read your mess.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: They want to read your message after the mess.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So, and as far as saying no, I don't want to into the details, I tried to say no and got all sorts of responses.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: So I finally lived in a house that had two stories.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: So my no was leaving the room where he was at.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: So I learned, and the stronger I got, the more insidious attacks I got from him.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: He saw me, you know, finding myself, and then it was there's something wrong with you mentally.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: The insidious attacks I don't have to go into it.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: If you're experiencing it, you understand, and I don't want to go into it here.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: But there are escape routes, there are ways to leave.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I'm a master at that, but I'm also a master at listening to the wrong counsel and going back to him for the sake of my family and my kids got out of the house as soon as they could.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: So, and I want to say one other thing, my kids are just now seeing the real me.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I was so warped, so wrapped in that and it's funny because I was really fun and, you know, liked to laugh before I got married and all of a sudden I shut down and my kids didn't know the real me and my daughter said the best thing to me a few months ago, quite a few months ago she was Mom.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: When I look at you now, I don't think of Dad Friendship.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I get to be friends with my kids, with no one being jealous.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I get to have friends like Deb.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: And also I just got to add this I haven't gotten here without help.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I've been in therapy.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: It's a neuropsych.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: If you're familiar with Dr Caroline Leaf, then you know the method she uses and I have one of the best facilitators and she's become like my best friend.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she helps me, but we do a lot of things on the side, so you got to get help, deb.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: I can just honestly say, in the world we live, you got to find a good help, someone who's going to help you deconstruct those lies that you believed about yourself and reconstruct them.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: What was in the subconscious that's attacking you and you're bringing it into the conscious world?
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: And the biggest thing that she worked on was you're not enough.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: You are enough, yeah.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: So yeah, oh, so many levels, teresa and I you know well.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: First and foremost, I think, since we're on this topic and I do, I want to.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I want to dig in right where you said that, cause I do think it is mental health awareness month and that has been coming up a lot on these, on the chats I've been having this month, and I think that it's always a good topic to talk about, because I think, the more that we say those things.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: But absolutely I would say people need to find somebody to talk to, people need to find the right person to talk to, the right method.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Sometimes the first therapist you see isn't necessarily going to be the person if you don't have access to a therapist.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: With all of the negativity that can come from social media and sometimes social media gets blamed for mental health issues and I'm sure it can contribute when it's negative there's also a lot of opportunity right now to reach out and find certified professionals.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Again, we want to be talking to people who are qualified to be giving advice and are going to be really, truly looking out for your best interests.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: But to seek that help.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: It is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength and courage.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: The other piece is you know I'm sorry, but you're going to say something.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: It's not a sign that you're a bad Christian either.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: No, just want to say that Okay.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Well, and I think that's you know, cause there's a lot to unpack with what you're talking about, because you're talking about being in an abusive marriage and there's a lot of, obviously, things that come from whether or not you leave an abusive marriage and how to how to kind of get past some of the misconceptions and some of the accusations that are going to be made, sometimes, unfortunately, even within your support network, when you're, when you're facing that type of situation and unpacking after the fact, the reality that can come with feeling was I disloyal?
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: This is something I've never shared about publicly.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've talked about it with people.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: It's not something that I hide, but I've never talked about it in this fashion and I'll share because I think that it is important, based on what you just said and about the idea of seeking out and getting help.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And when I was in high school and I have shared in past things I was in an abusive household.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: My parents were alcoholics.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: There was a physical and mental abuse.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: By the grace of God, they both were eventually eventually became sober.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: My mom was sober when she passed away.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: My dad is currently sober and I have been able to have relationships with them.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: And in the midst of all the trauma and hard things that happened, there were a lot of beautiful things.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: So I do like to note that sometimes you can be in a very dark place and there can be very beautiful things that are happening.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Parents did a lot of really wonderful things as well, but in high school, some stuff had happened that really triggered me, talking to a couple of individuals and, you know, mentioning some things to teachers who at that point were recognizing this is not a healthy situation, and things escalated and CPS got involved and I mean the the level, the way that it can feel.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: It's a little bit different than when you're in abusive marriage, but in the sense that you know this is your, this is your core business team, your network, right, that's what a family really is, like an organization, right.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: And when you've stepped outside of that and you've done something good intentioned, right.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I mean my intention was this is not safe and I certainly had no awareness really that it was going to escalate to the level that it escalated, to which it needed to.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Let me know it needed to.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: It was not safe, but I felt a lot of guilt, right, like a lack of loyalty to my family.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: What have I done?
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: And there were a lot of pieces to that which, again, we've been able to kind of talk about later in life and sort through.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: But it's really hard and I think that's why it's critical for us to feed into people the idea of their importance and their value.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: And if you are in an abusive situation as a child, as a spouse, as a boyfriend or girlfriend there are a lot of ways we can be in physically and verbally abusive situations and, um it, your value is not based on the way that you're being treated by this person.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: You haven't any value.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: We are born worthy and with incredible, unique gifts that sometimes we just don't fully embrace and don't fully use or aren't fully recognized in the situation that we're in.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: And so it's important for us to recognize that, it's important for us to see that in ourselves, it's important for us to share that into other people in order to be able to overcome and to get out of those dark places.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: It's good For me, it was a journey, and I mean I, I you'd let, you would think, given that that maybe some part of me would have said when I was, you know, in the of dating age, okay, I'm going to remember this and I'm going to make healthy choices.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't and I got into some, you know, unhealthy, also dangerous relationships.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: So that's yeah, you've got to find your people, find the people that are going to remind you that you deserve to be treated, value and you deserve to be emotionally and physically safe.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: And if you can, if you can, save the relationship through counseling right, obviously, you want to really try to do that.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't ever want to advocate for leaving your family or leaving your spouse, because there's difficult times, there are avenues you can take, but your safety is paramount and that never should be taken away from you in any way, shape or form.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: That's good and that never should be taken away from you in any way, shape or form.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: It's good.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I think you know I did escape them because I thought for the sake of my kids, I've got to.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: So I have a whole story of how I escaped them.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: But I got bad counsel, and really bad counsel.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: You're going to lose your kids and I love my kids and I ended up going back to them.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Granted, I had no help but for to have bad counsel, to say something.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: If someone's being, that's just bad counsel and so.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: But I'm learning to don't live in regret.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: You know, take care of yourself.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: You know I like where you said you know you can learn and be a person, that you can go through it.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: And I really believe, if you go through it the right way, with some help and some mental help, I really think there is an audience that needs to hear your story.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I'm all about revival, you're right, whether it's a spiritual revival, mental revival, financial revival.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And you know what's the number one thing that I think you have to work at?
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: And you have to change your belief system.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Instead of who they are abusing you and who they think you are, you have to change your belief system.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I'm a Christian.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So what does God say about me?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And when we change our belief system and get some mental help?
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I think that's integral to us understanding financial wisdom and being able to really care.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Because I think God is looking for people who have gone through the wreckage, gone through the drama, the trauma.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Because I've always say your voice is a much needed salt to a world that's lost its appetite for a loving meal at the father's table.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Your voice is light to a world who thinks darkness is normal and struggles with enmity and strife.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Your voice doesn't have to carry the gory story, it can carry the glory story and that's for someone listening right now.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Deb, get some help, friend, get some help, it's okay.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: And if you have to hide to get help, do it.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: And you may not be in an emotional situation.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: But those three keys that'll help you strengthen your voice Learn to really find your voice from your identity.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Learn to say no more often, because no, your no, does it values yourself.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: You're putting value on yourself.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: And then find those friends that will love you, who will celebrate for who you are and not tolerate for who you're not.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Who you hang around with is pivotal.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And I'll add a fourth point Rest have compassion.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: We live in such a strive strive no rest.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Rest creates more.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Think about that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, goosebumps, absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: They get the help and you know I was.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: I was blessed in that, in a relationship that I was in and I and I've actually again that this is interesting, you're bringing this stuff out, teresa.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: So I actually I'm married for the third time.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: I'm blessed.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: My husband my current husband is my best friend is an incredible human being that I wish for other people to have a significant other like that in their lives.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful, but I had some hard lessons to learn and in my first marriage, when things were not healthy, I had somebody in my life and I'm a person of faith as well and they were able to kind of help me to see, look, god does not want us to.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: He used the term commit suicide, but I mean and I you know I say that term lightly because I there's a, that's a big phrase, right but his, his idea was like God's, god's desire is not for you to remain in a situation where you know that harm is going to come to you.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Um, and that was very eyeopening to me because I had very much felt like I've just got to make this work.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: There was blame I was putting on myself because why didn't you see the signs, there was a lot of commitment and value and because, again, I did know that this person had the potential to overcome it but wasn't right.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: And that's when people have to make those choices.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: If the person says, hey, I'm going to change, and they change and they commit to that, that's a different story.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: But when somebody is not following through with that, and I think that carries over again, whether you're in an in a relationship situation, an abusive situation, or whether you're in a great situation in terms of your life, what's going on?
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe your business, everything could be going, you know, quote, unquote, right, but you are emotionally struggling with depression, with anxiety, with whatever factor might be impacting you.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: We are not called to suffer in silence and take that weight upon us as some type of like.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Well, this is the way it is and I got here because of some choice I made or we are.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: We are called to connect with the people around us and say I need help and get the help that we need and speak good counsel.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: Good counsel speak to the people who are really going to listen, and there's a lot of people out there on social media right now who are going to promote themselves as knowing what they're talking about, and aren't.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of people that are great out there yeah, there's a lot of people that also aren't yeah due diligence and take the time to, like, really vet your sources, speak to the people around you.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, reach out to people that you know, whose opinion you value, who can kind of help to steer you in the right direction, because that's good.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, your thinking is foggy, like you're talking your's foggy, sometimes you're not really necessarily looking at the big picture.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: You really need to do that, um, and you know if we can, if one person, right, one person says from this okay, I need to go get some type of help.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: And the other part is that, having come from those dark places and you said before about not living your life in the in the public spotlight Right, and I think I want to, I want to, at least for me, I'm going to speak on my behalf, so this may or may not align with what I think what you're talking about is.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: I think that there's there is some degree of sharing that we can do, but we want to make sure that the sharing is for the right reasons and it's in alignment with our hopes for living a healthy, fulfilled and productive life and connecting with other people, right?
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: So it shouldn't be vengeful, right, we shouldn't be sharing pieces of our story because we're trying to seek revenge.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: We shouldn't be sharing pieces of our story because we think, like this is going to get a lot of attention, because it's very graphic in nature.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: We want to be sharing pieces of our story when it's going to be a good place for us to do that and that it's going to be helpful for other people.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: You know, we know from multiple people that talk about this right Jen Gottlieb being one of them you don't start sharing vulnerable pieces of your story in the middle of the crisis.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: You've got to focus on dealing through the crisis, because when you do make it public, it's public and you're going to start getting a lot of comments and a lot of feedback and not all of it's going to be from the right place, and that's a lot more noise added into a lot of your own thoughts going on.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: You want to make sure that you're doing things in a way that's going to be meaningful, and so I'm always very cognizant if I'm going to share a piece of my story, because I may have even shared something in the past, but I'm kind of checking myself Am I, am I okay with sharing this today?
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Does this make sense today?
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: Is this the audience that that I want to share it with?
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: Is it the time of day or day for me?
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: What place am I in for how that's all going to unfold?
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: And I think that that's kind of in the back of what you're saying.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: It's not that you can't share.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: It's like you need to mindfully share.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Well, you need to scare.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: You need to share from scars and not wounds.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I have to interject that.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: That's what you're saying.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: That's so important, right, and that's why I can't speak about this if I didn't go through a year and tense, week to week, two hour sessions of just taking the grave clothes off, so that you basically thank you for saying that because you're right, there's enough noise and you start spilling out your life.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: That stays online.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying I hid, but I really did not believe in living my life.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: That's why it was a surprise to some people.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: But yet, cause I played the part, I'm sorry I did.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: I played the part.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: You know that looked like I had a happy, wonderful marriage.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I was a good actor, but I didn't believe in revealing I.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: And then, if I would've had a few close friends, I might've had some help, but I was separated and isolated.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: So thank you for saying that though, deb, and I love, I love when you talk about your husband.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: See, I love being around my friends.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I was around my one, my friend, and after a week I went up to her husband and I said I didn't know men could be kind.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I said thank you, cause I saw the way he interacted with her and her kids and I'm like, oh, I didn't know men could be kind.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: You know it's not like I think all men hate.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: You know I love men but it's just in the context of relationship.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I love when you like we would be on trips and you talk about your husband, or he gave you this freedom to take care of yourself, to go to these conferences.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I lived for that but I did not get that.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: So if I act a little excited to be at a conference, you'll know where that's coming from.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Or I'm a little shy, like this is all new, this is fun, you know.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's it.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: That's the piece too.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: We sharing the whole picture, right, the highs, lows, the in-betweens, and you know, and sometimes you can share.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: You can be sharing while you're going through the process, cause there are definitely people who are going through things and they're they're sharing because it's it's having people along on the journey.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: But again, in that, in that very mind, mindful way that you're aware of what you're doing, um, and for me, I I'm always trying to balance between, like, when am I sharing somebody else's story?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Right, like I want to make, I could share parts of mine.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: It's going to overlap with other people, but I'm trying to make sure that I'm not sharing too much of somebody else's story and writing the perspective that people are going to have.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: And, ultimately, I believe fully in the goodness of humankind and I think that we all have incredible, incredible opportunity to shine light for and with one another and to learn and grow together.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: And so just think that it's really important for us to share those stories, to invite other people to share theirs, because when we share ours, that allows people to go like, okay she's just done that, so that I can do that too.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: The parts that we may feel embarrassed about again.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: We don't even need to dissect whether we should or shouldn't feel embarrassed.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: It's an emotion that we feel when we talk about pieces of our past, that where we made choices that we maybe now would not have made, or we look back and go like I couldn't have made that.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: But we, you know, we've got now.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: We've got this moment, this opportunity forward for our entire being, including what I did when, from the time that I was born until now, right, that's all inside of me, and so we've got right now to live that fully and completely and to share ourselves fully and completely and create these beautiful connections through conversations and through sharing our stories.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Excellent our stories, that's good Excellent.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: So on that note, um, yeah, I tell people how to get in touch with you, tell them about your programs and all these different things and how they can connect with you.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm a speaker with girl power Alliance.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I'll be speaking the first week in June in LA, so I'm involved with that.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Um, I'm also.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: I, um, I'm also.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I have a podcast.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: But I have just recently been really excited about you said revival.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I really believe in helping men and women revive their finances.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: So if you go to dailypayrevivalcom it's a digital business and actually my friend, who's my therapist, is coming alongside me and we just want to see people revive their finances.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: If you've got a Wi-Fi, two hours you can follow a blueprint.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: I really believe in it.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: So I'm excited about that.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: That's dailypayrevivalcom and that's basically you know with being a radio announcer.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: That's why I like two hours a day.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: There's a set two hours a day you can do and see it bring in money and it is for me.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: But ultimately you can find me on Facebook or Instagram at Teresa Croft and I'm just sharing my life and recently I did one reel a day for 99 days and I've never been so challenged.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: But you know what, if you really tap in and speak from the overflow of what you're learning, it was like it wasn't hard, it was just making sure what day is it today, so you can follow me at TeresaCroftcom.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: I've stopped.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: It's been 99 days.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: It's funny.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: After the 99 days I'm like I don't have anything to talk about, cause I got to tell you at the radio station that I work at it's a Christian radio station I have to talk four times an hour and I have to have it scripted, so all my coming out of the whale is like man.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: I gave all that out of the radio station and, by the way, you can listen to it worldwide.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: I gave all that out of the radio station and, by the way, you can listen to it worldwide.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: It's Victory 91.5.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: But if you go to the App Store, it's M-O-R music, m-o-r not without the E.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: So I'm basically as far as finding out.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: I love social.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be talking kind of spilling out from the overflow and I wrote three books in the midst of the hell called Listen to the Vine Dresser, and I don't sell them to make money.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: I just sell them as a way to bless people.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: So it's on Amazon Listen to the Vine Dresser 31 Declarations of who you Are in the Vine.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: If you want to find out how God ministered me through hell, you go see what God was saying to me.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: So that's just kind of what you know.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the hell, I'm just talking how God you know he could speak intimately to you in a way that is not condemning you, but calling you forward and calling you forward to speak.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not condemning, but calling you forward.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: That's a powerful expression right there, and I think, uh, that's what we're called to do for one another too, Right, right, let God be that, let us be that vessel for God to do that to other people call each other forward, not condemn one another.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I think, um, it's not always easy, because we, we are filled with perceptions based on our own life experiences, and so that judgment piece comes into play, because that's what we do to try to keep ourselves safe as we make decisions about whether a situation or a person is going to be safe, but really leaning into listening, and listening completely and fully, and loving as much as possible into one another.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, you've given a lot of gems already, but I'm sure you have more left in you, because I know you.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: But what is a final thought that you would like to pass on from you to the audience today?
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: To use your voice.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: The world's listening.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: To use your voice from a place that's the overflow of something good For me, it's overflow from my relationship with God, and finally have compassion on yourself.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, that says it.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: I absolutely use your voice.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Have compassion.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: We are very blessed by anybody who joined us today.
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: We did get some messages.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: We had Naomi Riley, dina Lewis, sarah Reed from Reading Between the Lines jumped on.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: They were giving us some love in the comment section, but we really do appreciate them and anybody else who has joined us while we were live or again who is watching this recorded.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: We hope that something that we said resonated with you and helps you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: So take care everybody.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Thank you Teresa.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: Thank you Teresa for joining us today.