Latest / The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids / Empowering Sensitive Children Through Connecting with Nature and Self-Love with Nicole Rank

Transcript

Empowering Sensitive Children Through Connecting with Nature and Self-Love with Nicole Rank · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

• 0:00
  Nicole: When I give children this non-judgmental space, it's like a flower that has all it needs, like the sun and the water, and like it can unfold and they can just be who they are here to be.
• 0:15
  Nicole: And so my tip is to really get this self-love piece right.
• 0:24
  Nicole: So if, if I know that anything that kid that is around me, that the kid is doing, like when I'm that feeling that a kid has in that moment, and I can then maybe later have a conversation, or I don't need to react and put my observation on top of what the kid's already experiencing.
• 1:04
  Carrie: Hi Conscious Parents.
• 1:05
  Carrie: It's Keri here and I am here with a little info about raising our mindful kids.
• 1:09
  Carrie: I've got some tips and tricks about breaking free of the box and becoming who you are and teaching your kids how to do that.
• 1:16
  Carrie: Along the way, join us, hi Conscious Moms and Dads.
• 1:20
  Carrie: Do you have moments where you miss that flow state that you used to find before becoming a parent?
• 1:26
  Carrie: Was there something that you used to work in that your heart was really passionate about and you felt like you were making a difference in the world?
• 1:33
  Carrie: You can join us with a free guided meditation, available in the show notes, to help you rediscover your passion in life.
• 1:42
  Carrie: Hi there and welcome back.
• 1:45
  Carrie: I have a treat for you guys.
• 1:46
  Carrie: I have my friend, nicole here, who is a holistic and accredited creative mindfulness for kids teacher, an intuitive guide who provides co-creative coaching, retreats and courses.
• 1:58
  Carrie: She's a creator, a poet, a tree hugger on a mission of love and oh my gosh, nicole, I think our missions definitely overlap.
• 2:06
  Carrie: I'm living my passion this year and trying to connect with other parents and sharing the love for our kids and the love for letting our kids be who they are.
• 2:15
  Carrie: So thank you so much, nicole, for being here with us today.
• 2:18
  Nicole: Thank you, Carrie, for inviting me.
• 2:20
  Nicole: I feel very honored to be here and thank you so much for all your work.
• 2:24
  Carrie: Yes, I'm so excited to have you on.
• 2:27
  Carrie: I've been following along on your Instagram and I love, I feel like, some of the pieces we really connect with, these mindful pieces for our kids and we both were teachers and I guess I don't know if you would say you're sensitive as well, but just sensitive people working with sensitive kids and trying to help them find their gifts.
• 2:47
  Carrie: What would you say about the mindful pieces?
• 2:51
  Carrie: How did you end up in this area?
• 2:55
  Nicole: How did I end up in this area?
• 2:57
  Nicole: Somehow this area found me, I'd say, and I guess it started with my body not working properly anymore.
• 3:08
  Nicole: I had an inflammation in my intestine, I had to slow down, and afterwards I, yeah, got to know myself better, from first from the bodily perspective, and then later, I had a little experience that made me realize that I am not really showing up in this world like I truly am, that I'm a pleaser and not really authentic.
• 3:42
  Nicole: But, yeah, so after that, that shook me up and shook my world, turned everything upside down and I dove deeper into the question of who am I, who am I beyond all my labels?
• 3:55
  Nicole: And I think, on this way, I gathered some labels, some other labels, but it's different now.
• 4:07
  Carrie: That's wonderful.
• 4:07
  Carrie: I love that you've just followed along with your body and your heart and your intuition and where you needed to be in your journey and how you're finding this piece of who you are along the way.
• 4:21
  Carrie: That sounds like where I've been driven and been following along with being a parent is for me or for you, being an educator, being a human, all these pieces.
• 4:33
  Carrie: So I think there's a huge part you've mentioned with nature too.
• 4:37
  Carrie: What are your thoughts on mindfulness and nature and what we can bring for kids and other humans?
• 4:44
  Nicole: mindfulness and nature and what we can bring.
• 4:47
  Nicole: For kids and other humans, nature is interesting.
• 4:55
  Nicole: I always enjoyed nature very much, although I think I somehow lost the connection in my adulthood somehow.
• 5:01
  Nicole: And then I can say that, yeah, ireland, my first visit to Ireland, actually brought me back to that deep connection of nature.
• 5:09
  Nicole: I think the wild and raw nature of Ireland made me realize I need to be more nature and I think it is somehow connected.
• 5:19
  Nicole: As we find the nature of who we are, we find the nature of who we are.
• 5:25
  Nicole: We are searching more for being in nature and being one with nature.
• 5:30
  Nicole: I think it somehow correlates.
• 5:32
  Nicole: For me it does.
• 5:33
  Nicole: So when I was unaware of what was going on in this world, I was in nature but not part of nature.
• 5:46
  Nicole: And now it's when I go into nature I'm more part of nature and I think that's very interesting.
• 5:52
  Nicole: And I see that in the kids and sometimes I wonder when it gets lost.
• 5:57
  Nicole: Like just the other week I hosted a camp and then a kid was pulling at a tree and told the kid like hey, stop that, you're hurting the tree.
• 6:07
  Nicole: And then the kid was like what?
• 6:11
  Nicole: The tree doesn't live.
• 6:13
  Nicole: I was like, excuse me, doesn't it have like roots, doesn't it grow and everything.
• 6:20
  Nicole: And I was like, yeah, but it doesn't have feelings.
• 6:23
  Nicole: And I said, how do you know, how do you know?
• 6:26
  Nicole: And then the kid was really like, oh okay, and was started to think and then I said like maybe hug the tree, maybe you hear something, because I'm I love tree hugging and that was like okay, I couldn't tell if the kid thought I was crazy or something's there, I don't know.
• 6:47
  Nicole: But I think children normally have this natural connection.
• 6:53
  Nicole: When they are in nature, they immerse themselves in nature, they jump into puddles, they eat dirt, right, and some.
• 7:02
  Nicole: Somehow we lose that and I think that's also part of how we treat nature nowadays sometimes.
• 7:11
  Nicole: So if we are unaware of our part in nature and I often at in my times at school when I told kids off that they threw garbage on the street or something, they were like, yeah, I don't care, and I think it's just when we're unaware that we are part of nature, then we have another relationship to it and then it's yeah, then we're mind more mindless is that part of some of the mindful pieces that you do with kids is helping them to reconnect with nature and have that in their hearts again.
• 7:48
  Nicole: Oh, definitely, because for me it's very important, because I am very eager to help children see how wonderful they are, how much love they are, and that they don't need to change for anyone or anything.
• 8:06
  Nicole: I think it's very important for kids to know that they are nature and that they are love too.
• 8:15
  Nicole: That's my passion and my mission, because I think it's very important for kids so that they don't become people pleasers.
• 8:28
  Carrie: Yes, definitely these sensitive kids.
• 8:31
  Carrie: I think, when you're talking about that disconnection that you can see sometimes with nature, disconnection with our hearts, disconnection with our intuition, those are those, I call it, the protective layers that we are putting on ourselves as we're maturing and as we're growing, and it's been my passion.
• 8:49
  Carrie: This year it's become my passion even more as the year goes on and on.
• 8:52
  Carrie: It's like stronger boiling inside me to help our kids grow and stay conscious and to have less protective layers as we mature into adults so we can connect with nature, we can connect with ourselves, we can hear our own passions when we're adults.
• 9:10
  Carrie: We don't have to, like you and me, we don't have to go back to removing all those layers and healing to find ourselves again.
• 9:17
  Carrie: We're already there as we become adults.
• 9:21
  Nicole: I love that you.
• 9:21
  Nicole: I love that you say stay conscious, because I really think kids are conscious already and then somehow they we train them to get unconscious.
• 9:34
  Nicole: The system that this is society, and I can only say that for myself I had the most loving parents, the most caring parents.
• 9:42
  Nicole: I had wonderful, beautiful childhood.
• 9:45
  Nicole: My mom did everything she could.
• 9:46
  Nicole: She was in the kindergarten teacher and she stayed at home for for us three kids till my sister was 17 or something, so very long, and I grew up very, very loved and cared for and still I became a people pleaser and still I had so much to unravel.
• 10:16
  Nicole: And looking back, for me it all goes back to this one important thing that we somehow don't realize who we are connected to.
• 10:30
  Nicole: We are not connected to our hearts, to our source, to the love that we already are.
• 10:36
  Nicole: Connected to our hearts, to our source, to the love that we already are.
• 10:41
  Nicole: And I think when our parents are searching on the outside, then the kids are doing that too, because kids are modeling what the parents are doing, right.
• 10:52
  Nicole: So for me, I grew up with a belief I need to have someone at my site in order to be whole.
• 11:01
  Nicole: I need and that's not what I want to live, I guess.
• 11:09
  Nicole: So I am already whole.
• 11:11
  Nicole: I don't need anyone for that.
• 11:13
  Nicole: I am whole, I'm good as I am and everything else is a wonderful addition and a co-creation.
• 11:20
  Nicole: But if we think we are not already whole, we will constantly search on the outside for that whole to fill, like for that to fill, and yeah.
• 11:32
  Carrie: And we'll be right back after this message.
• 11:34
  Carrie: Hi there, changemaker moms and dads.
• 11:36
  Carrie: It's Keri here.
• 11:37
  Carrie: I hope you're enjoying today's episode.
• 11:39
  Carrie: If there's any pieces of this episode that resonate with you, we would love for you to share it with a friend.
• 11:45
  Carrie: A little helping hand goes a long way.
• 11:48
  Carrie: We appreciate you tuning in.
• 11:49
  Carrie: And here's more.
• 11:50
  Carrie: I love that.
• 11:52
  Carrie: Yeah, I grew up in a spiritual, very loving household as well and was very supported.
• 11:58
  Carrie: My parents tried to give me everything the best, the love and everything as well, and we even grew up with a spiritual mindset when I was raised, but I still developed the pieces of protection.
• 12:09
  Carrie: I think part of that is our sensitivities too.
• 12:12
  Carrie: Just, do you have any anything that you would share for parents that are raising kids Like like our, like us, like my kids?
• 12:22
  Carrie: Do you have any tips you would share?
• 12:25
  Carrie: Cause I know we're all doing our best.
• 12:27
  Carrie: I always say I know my kid's going to need therapy one day.
• 12:31
  Carrie: They're going to need therapy because of some something that I've done and I'm just trying to reduce the amount they have to do.
• 12:39
  Nicole: I would reframe it with.
• 12:41
  Nicole: They maybe won't need therapy, but in my mind, therapy is wonderful for everybody Because therapy, coaching, whatever you choose, you have this partner that sits there, gives you the attention and non-judgmental space to explore yourself.
• 13:04
  Nicole: And I think that's hard in families to be that's biggest, like I'm practicing non-judgment every day.
• 13:16
  Nicole: The biggest challenge is within my own family, because it's the structures, the patterns are so woven that that it's hard to to practice that.
• 13:27
  Nicole: So I think, and I always think, that there's, like you say, there's no way to work around it.
• 13:36
  Nicole: Like you say, there's no way to work around it, everyone will have or grow up with their own triggers and patterns, no matter how good everyone's trying.
• 13:45
  Nicole: Because somehow I feel sometimes that is how development goes in children, because it's from imitating to creating, because it's from imitating to creating right.
• 14:00
  Nicole: So first they imitate and then in when in the teenage years they start to really set boundaries and say, okay, I'm doing it my way now, sometimes even earlier, and and then their personality somehow develops on that.
• 14:13
  Nicole: And where was I going with that?
• 14:21
  Carrie: yes, you were asking teenagers are developing their own personalities and they're coming into their own.
• 14:29
  Carrie: They're not.
• 14:30
  Carrie: Maybe they're not copying what they see their parents doing.
• 14:34
  Nicole: They're starting to develop their own or or they're copying then what their peer group is doing, which is not always good.
• 14:42
  Nicole: That's why it's so important to see which peer group they are in.
• 14:47
  Nicole: So I think Gabor Mate has very interesting material on that one.
• 14:52
  Nicole: But what I have discovered during my times as a teacher too, that when I give children this non-judgmental space, it's like a flower that has all it needs, like the sun and the water, and like it can unfold and they can just be who they are here to be.
• 15:15
  Nicole: And so my tip is to really get this self-love piece right.
• 15:23
  Nicole: So if I know that anything that kid that is around me, that the kid is doing, like when I'm in class and a kid is acting out, when I know that it's not about me, I can create instead of react.
• 15:43
  Nicole: Then I can just hold space for that feeling that a kid has in that moment and I can, and I can then maybe later have a conversation, or I don't need to react and put my observation on top of what the kids already experiencing.
• 16:04
  Carrie: Yes, I love that.
• 16:06
  Carrie: I think there's so much emotion that the kids can pick up from our reactions.
• 16:13
  Carrie: My husband and I we have very spirited kids in our house, or two right, we have a nine-year-old daughter or nine-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter, and they're both very highly sensitive, very spiritual, very spirited.
• 16:27
  Carrie: And so even just if my daughter accidentally knocks over a cup and my husband wants to have this reaction, I've tried to help him like let's calm it down, she's not doing it on purpose, it's just an accident.
• 16:40
  Carrie: Because her reaction to his reaction you can just see it in her body Like oh, I didn't, I shouldn't have done that.
• 16:48
  Carrie: Or you could just see this feeling of like self-loathing, almost even when she's six.
• 16:57
  Carrie: So, I agree with you.
• 16:59
  Carrie: There's so much and even if they're in a moment where we need to correct them just I've always sometimes, if you keep your gentle several times, sometimes it almost wants to erupt.
• 17:10
  Nicole: Right, yeah, we are all humans right, and I think that's what I mean with the self-love piece.
• 17:18
  Nicole: The most important thing is that we don't beat up on ourselves then, because what happens is when we react and we didn't want to react, let's say, we react in a way we shout at children, something happens sometimes.
• 17:32
  Nicole: Then when we start to beat up on ourselves for doing that, our energy level lowers and we spiral down to shame and guilt, and the kid picks up on that as well, because we are in interaction, right, and then the situation mostly gets worse.
• 17:55
  Nicole: And when we are honest, honestly communicating and I think to be vulnerable as an adult in front of a child is working magic.
• 18:09
  Nicole: So I use that in my classroom so often that when I knew I was in a state where I'm let's say I was, I don't know something happened.
• 18:22
  Nicole: My cat was ill, I was upset or something and I said to the children hey, in case I get upset, it's not for you, it's me.
• 18:29
  Nicole: I have a hard time right now and I know that it's.
• 18:34
  Nicole: That is not easier for people because we're trained, especially as teachers or as role models, to have it all together all the time.
• 18:43
  Nicole: But I think this human is especially what kids need to see, because then they, when next time they act out, they can reflect on their own behavior too and say, ok, okay, I was just upset, and it's okay to be upset sometimes, right, and so the correction after I think is very important too.
• 19:06
  Nicole: And I read that in a book.
• 19:07
  Nicole: It was called nobody's broken, really good book, by Luce Gordon.
• 19:13
  Nicole: Think, okay, really good book.
• 19:15
  Nicole: And she described a situation where she said let's say, kid runs on the street and goes into flight fight, flight freeze, because it doesn't.
• 19:27
  Nicole: The car is coming, car is approaching and the kid let's say, worst case, it freezes and the parent goes after the kid, drags it down the street and shouts at the kid because the parent is in arousal and in fear, right, so, naturally.
• 19:46
  Nicole: And she says in the book, if everything goes, if they just go about the situation and don't talk about it anymore, this kid will have trauma from this, from this moment, because it's things oh, I was in a dangerous situation and I did something wrong.
• 20:07
  Nicole: And if the mother afterwards says, hey, I'm sorry, we are okay now we are both safe, I just shouted because I felt really I was worried about you, and explains it to the child, then this, the child can process this differently, and I think that's why it's so important to be just human, just just honest and self-reflecting and modeling.
• 20:36
  Nicole: If we want kids to be different, we need to be different first.
• 20:42
  Carrie: Yes, and I love that because I think so often it's important to share with parents, like the power of listening, the power of our words.
• 20:52
  Carrie: I love that you had mentioned that and also our actions, using that as an example for our kids and what it can do for our kids to see that we're human as well.
• 21:03
  Carrie: I love that you touched on the piece with the teachers, because I always talk about a parent perspective, of being real, showing them how sometimes we have moments that we work through as well.
• 21:15
  Carrie: I even use examples with my kids, like my energy was here.
• 21:20
  Carrie: Now mom's energy is here.
• 21:22
  Carrie: So we need to give mom a little like a few minutes where we play on our own and then we can come back together.
• 21:28
  Carrie: So I love thinking about that in the classroom, because in the classroom it might not always be so open, because in the classroom it might not always be so open.
• 21:38
  Nicole: No, especially we have this old belief that teachers have to know everything.
• 21:42
  Nicole: So the first I.
• 21:44
  Nicole: So often kids were asking me like oh what?
• 21:47
  Nicole: You don't know this word in English, ms Rang.
• 21:50
  Nicole: And I said I'm not a dictionary, I'm a human.
• 21:53
  Nicole: But I know that when we get trained as teachers it's we're very often afraid to make mistakes and that comes from our school upbringing as well, and it's so interesting.
• 22:09
  Nicole: I think I did a game once with with kids with, and I had the.
• 22:16
  Nicole: I had in Germany.
• 22:18
  Nicole: I taught the kids with some special needs and and the ones that struggled a bit at school and we did a game where they had.
• 22:29
  Nicole: It was just play, was a playing game, and I'm not I don't remember which game it was, but they had to fill out something and it was just for joke and they were so afraid to make a mistake that they couldn't fill it out.
• 22:43
  Nicole: They didn't, they didn't understand the game because they were so afraid to make a mistake.
• 22:49
  Nicole: And I think that's that's our school system and it's still very much highlighting mistakes and very less highlighting the wins.
• 23:05
  Carrie: Yeah, I think it's interesting when I think back to teacher education and how much is stressed in like maintaining control of the classroom.
• 23:13
  Carrie: Right, that's that pedestal that you have to be on they talk about to maintain control.
• 23:19
  Carrie: And I was recently talking to another parent with a kiddo who was very spirited and we were talking about how connection is so powerful for our kids in the classroom.
• 23:30
  Carrie: Having that connection with their teacher feeling safe, secure, heard with the teacher that listens is such a powerful piece to to running your classroom and if you don't feel safe and secure and connected to your teacher, your voice does not go as far as a teacher so definitely, and it is therefore the teacher needs to feel safe too.
• 23:57
  Nicole: So if I'm afraid of the classroom getting out of control and control is the magic word here we don't have anything under control.
• 24:04
  Nicole: Nothing is under control.
• 24:06
  Nicole: You can't control things we want to control.
• 24:09
  Nicole: As humans, we want to control.
• 24:11
  Nicole: Our ego wants to control.
• 24:12
  Nicole: We can't control.
• 24:13
  Nicole: The only thing we can control is our own peace and it's our own thoughts and it's our own yeah, our own thoughts and and mind that we can control.
• 24:24
  Nicole: And that's why I think every teacher should do meditation, because it helps so much to to keep and when I keep my own calm, then that transports to the class and that's very important.
• 24:45
  Nicole: That's where nature and mindfulness come in, comes in, because with all these little things, you can do this.
• 24:52
  Nicole: And it's boundaries as well, and I think boundaries I.
• 24:55
  Nicole: What I did I, I made up my own classroom rules just for me.
• 25:00
  Nicole: Like I went to school and I said okay, these are the things that I want to do.
• 25:05
  Nicole: So when I'm overwhelmed, I count to 10 and wait until I respond, or when I have the feeling I'm too stressed out, I stay in the classroom for the break.
• 25:16
  Nicole: I'm too stressed out, I stay in the classroom for the break.
• 25:19
  Nicole: I don't go into the teacher's conference room because there's more people Because once I realized I am quite sensitive and I pick up on other people's emotions, I realized why I was so exhausted after teaching.
• 25:36
  Nicole: Because if you have 30 students in one room and you pick up on all the emotions and I think that's why it's important to know yourself and as a parent too, right, if you have three, four children or even just one, but you're a sensitive person, you pick up on the emotion of the child.
• 25:55
  Nicole: If the child is sensitive, they pick up on your emotion.
• 25:58
  Nicole: So it's a nice co-creation there.
• 26:00
  Nicole: So I think knowing what you want as an adult, knowing what's the no-go for you, and communicate that is easier than to put the rules on the kids.
• 26:13
  Nicole: So I always said in my class this is what I need to be able to teach good and to teach well, and this is what I need for me to transport the knowledge to you and therefore, because you didn't stick to this need of me, we need to find a solution for that right.
• 26:36
  Nicole: So instead of punishing people and say okay, you didn't stick to that rule, now you get this and that punishment.
• 26:46
  Carrie: Yeah, I think I love that and I think you can translate that to parenting so easily.
• 26:51
  Carrie: I've had to acknowledge being a sensitive parent myself, needing to count to 10 before reacting myself, needing mom needs a minute to step out, or even, if they break a major rule, saying like we're going to discuss this later, when I've calmed down, when they've calmed down, I'm not going to say like you're going to lose this toy right now.
• 27:12
  Carrie: That's not how it works for me.
• 27:14
  Carrie: It doesn't work best for my kids in that moment.
• 27:17
  Carrie: So I love those pieces.
• 27:19
  Carrie: I have a question for you.
• 27:22
  Carrie: As far as for parents having sensitive kids, you and I had spoken about how labels help us to understand ourselves, that help us to understand our children.
• 27:32
  Carrie: Like I'm saying, I keep saying I have spirited kids, I have sensitive kids and I have gifted.
• 27:38
  Carrie: They're gifted too.
• 27:39
  Carrie: So they're in the neurodiverse pieces which I know, and my son has really connected with the neurodiverse piece.
• 27:46
  Carrie: He's I'm neurodiverse.
• 27:47
  Carrie: This helps me, my brain thinks differently and he's really that's helped him because he wants to understand why he may not think the same as everybody else.
• 27:56
  Carrie: So it's this balancing act right.
• 27:58
  Carrie: Like we want to know why we're different, why we're special, why maybe sometimes things are harder for us.
• 28:05
  Carrie: We don't want to label it because we don't want to only identify with that.
• 28:09
  Carrie: So it's this balancing act.
• 28:11
  Carrie: But also as a parent, I like to communicate to the teachers that there are certain pieces.
• 28:17
  Carrie: Maybe my daughter runs more nervous about certain things or and the transitions into school makes her very hypersensitive, right that, coming in as a six-year-old in a new classroom with a new teacher and all new kids, it's only one kid she had from last year.
• 28:33
  Carrie: So trying to figure out what would you say to parents in communicating with their teachers what, how would you, what?
• 28:41
  Carrie: What are some thoughts?
• 28:45
  Nicole: That's interesting because I think it's.
• 28:48
  Nicole: Yeah, there's a kind of a reaction chain going on at school because there's the parent with their own experience of school, there's the teacher with their own experience of school and then there's the child with their own experience of school.
• 29:09
  Nicole: And I always realize that the parents oftentimes there's a hierarchy, that that depending on the person, but that people put on them like the parents had experience at school where they were maybe put down or had difficulties they tend to look up to the teacher and then in in a conversation with the teacher, they go in the lower hierarchy, they go into that conversation, so the teacher gets into that fixing role, into the helper role, automatically, right, and then there's an imbalance there.
• 29:54
  Nicole: It's it's not a eye-to-eye conversation.
• 29:57
  Nicole: On the other hand, it can be the other way around.
• 29:59
  Nicole: If there's a lot of anger, maybe towards the school system or something, then the parent can go into that conversation with a very like from a very high flared ego, trying to protect themselves, right, and then the teacher might get offended or might try to defend themselves.
• 30:19
  Nicole: So I think, in conversation with each other, non-judgment is again the biggest and the most important thing, so to, and I think we can approach that from both sides.
• 30:35
  Nicole: If I'm a teacher, I can try and give the parent a nonjudgmental approach and say, okay, and then there's nonviolent communication, marshall Rosenberg, that you could do.
• 30:48
  Nicole: You can say I observed that and that and the kid?
• 30:52
  Nicole: That seems to be hard.
• 30:53
  Nicole: And then I observed that it is less.
• 30:56
  Nicole: Oftentimes it's less a co-creation between teacher and parent and child.
• 31:03
  Nicole: It's either the teacher tells the parents what to do, the parents tell child what to do, or teacher and parent gang up on the child, which is hard too for the child.
• 31:16
  Nicole: So I think that's I often found it very important to include the child into the conversation as well, because then it doesn't get the feeling of someone is talking about me, they are not plotting something and I can't be who I am and it's.
• 31:34
  Nicole: And it's also a dance because it's an old school system.
• 31:38
  Nicole: The school system is very old, it hasn't changed, and everyone is just trying to fit into that system, teachers as well as the kids.
• 31:48
  Nicole: We are trying to fit into this label of school system, which is a label too right.
• 31:55
  Nicole: To be a student, to be a teacher.
• 32:00
  Nicole: I always found that I learned more from my students than they did from me, like I may have transported knowledge and about my subjects and maybe some life experience, but they were 30 kids.
• 32:13
  Nicole: I was just one person.
• 32:14
  Nicole: They learned from one.
• 32:15
  Nicole: I learned from 30.
• 32:16
  Nicole: So I had often the yeah, I have.
• 32:21
  Nicole: I was under the impression that I learned more actually, and I communicated that to them as well, which made them feel, felt, seen and validated as well.
• 32:32
  Nicole: So I think when we are exploring our labels, and with the kids too, I think it's important to have a conversation with the kids about it.
• 32:43
  Nicole: What does it mean sensitive and what does it mean to certain people?
• 32:47
  Nicole: And maybe I don't want to call myself that in front of my classmates because maybe then I get picked on, maybe I just know it for myself.
• 32:57
  Nicole: But when I think it's important to empower the kid that is maybe struggling with something, best thing we can do is empower that kid to be totally themselves and to just foster self compassion, and that is modeled.
• 33:15
  Nicole: So if I foster self compassion with myself like I make a mistake and I say, oh, it happens.
• 33:23
  Nicole: And not to excuse any behavior, but to really be loving and compassionate with ourselves and know that nobody else is responsible for what I'm doing there or what I'm feeling there, because it's like I can affect that with my mind and my thoughts.
• 33:44
  Nicole: I think that's important too, to educate children on how our mind works and how our brain works and how our body works and what a nervous system is.
• 33:52
  Nicole: We don't learn that at school and that is so important, especially for sensitive children.
• 33:58
  Nicole: They need to know that.
• 34:02
  Nicole: Sensitivity doesn't mean that you're too emotional.
• 34:06
  Nicole: It doesn't mean that you are more emotional than other people.
• 34:10
  Nicole: No, it means you're more connected to your source.
• 34:14
  Nicole: You're more connected to the love that you already are than others, and that's an advantage and that's an advantage.
• 34:27
  Nicole: It's just the others are afraid of that, because then they need to.
• 34:29
  Nicole: Then they need to look into themselves or realize that they can't mold you how they want to have you.
• 34:35
  Nicole: Why is it so hard to be authentic?
• 34:37
  Nicole: Because you're upsetting people with that.
• 34:41
  Nicole: It's every recovering people pleaser knows the nervous system is raging once you say no to someone.
• 34:49
  Nicole: It's no, and then what you do is you soothe your nervous system because you know how to.
• 34:57
  Nicole: Then you can soothe your nervous system and you know it's okay to upset this other person in that moment, because I'm not responsible for that, I'm just my authentic self.
• 35:08
  Nicole: But it's yeah, it's not easier, and I think the more support we have in that we have people who say that's right.
• 35:18
  Nicole: Yep, you, you are right as you are.
• 35:21
  Nicole: We just love everyone up.
• 35:25
  Nicole: When you say, what does it mean to love someone up?
• 35:28
  Nicole: I think it's loving up the scale, right.
• 35:31
  Nicole: So the emotional scale I don't know if you're familiar with that.
• 35:35
  Nicole: So the emotional scale you have, like bliss, love, peace at the highest and then powerlessness at the lowest.
• 35:43
  Nicole: You love someone up just means you take them as they are, unconditionally, with all the emotions.
• 35:52
  Nicole: And when I grew up, my mom wasn't comfortable with all my emotions and that was where I felt I was wrong.
• 36:05
  Nicole: And it was not that I changed myself because I was afraid.
• 36:10
  Nicole: I changed myself because I loved my mom so much that I wanted her to be happy and I realized that it was interesting.
• 36:21
  Nicole: So I thought I loved her so much that I wanted her to be happy.
• 36:24
  Nicole: So that's why I changed and in the end she was uncomfortable with the big emotions, with especially anger is a hard one to take if we are not healed ourselves.
• 36:38
  Nicole: Right, it's hard, yeah.
• 36:41
  Nicole: So I think what we can do for our children, whether we are teachers, whether we are parents or even doing for other people not only for the children, for our fellow humans, to just know that we are worthy, that we are love, that we are the love we are looking for on the outside, that we already are that love and that all feelings are welcome.
• 37:07
  Nicole: And if I get uncomfortable because someone else is showing me their feelings, I know it's somehow triggering me and just this knowledge, this awareness, can help me to approach the situation differently yeah, I love that so much.
• 37:24
  Carrie: I feel like you and I were speaking about an episode I had with Colby Wilk which was amazing and it was looking at the strengths of being the sensitive and not using the labels but empowering ourselves and accepting pieces of ourselves, and I love that and I think it's a perfect place for us to end.
• 37:44
  Carrie: Today is focusing on the love and trying to let the love blossom in our kids, blossom in ourselves, and being compassionate for ourselves and for our kids.
• 37:54
  Nicole: Yes, definitely.
• 37:55
  Nicole: The blossom is such a beautiful word and I think that's exactly.
• 38:00
  Nicole: We are children of nature.
• 38:02
  Nicole: We are here to blossom and to bloom right, we're here to grow and we can learn so much from that, and I think we can use this analogy wonderfully for kids too.
• 38:13
  Nicole: Nature has so much, so many analogies that we can use and metaphors to help children see and understand mindfulness and meditation.
• 38:23
  Nicole: So we can help them by talking about the flowers, by giving them time to grow right, and by watching flowers, by smelling flowers and everything like that.
• 38:37
  Nicole: So it's yeah, it's beautiful I love that.
• 38:42
  Carrie: Thank you so much for being here today with us Nicole, yeah, and I will share all of your contact information in our show notes for our listeners.
• 38:50
  Carrie: And thanks so much for connecting with us.
• 38:53
  Nicole: Thank you so much.
• 38:54
  Nicole: If you need some poetry meditations for kids, you can find them on YouTube, so I record some poetry meditations.
• 39:03
  Nicole: You can find them on YouTube, so I record some poetry meditations.
• 39:05
  Nicole: I think poetry helps kids especially.
• 39:07
  Nicole: It connects well because it's a rhythm and the rhyme connects well, so I have them on YouTube and everything else you find on my website too.
• 39:17
  Carrie: Yeah, I would love to link that.
• 39:19
  Nicole: Thank you so much, Nicole.
• 39:21
  Carrie: Thank you so much.
• 39:21
  Carrie: Well, that's a wrap.
• 39:22
  Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in.
• 39:24
  Carrie: Changemakers.
• 39:25
  Carrie: This is Keri, and if you haven't done a review for us, five stars and a little few words about what you've enjoyed in our podcast episodes, we would really appreciate it.
• 39:35
  Carrie: If you guys would like to ever message me, I would love any questions you have or any feedback at info at hearttoheartlifecom.
• 39:44
  Carrie: We also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share.
• 39:47
  Carrie: It's hearttoheartlifecom.
• 39:50
  Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in and happy life, happy times.
• 39:54
  Carrie: Changemaker families.