Latest / Fit for Hiking / Addiction, 100lb Weight Loss, & Hiking To Heal With @steviewander

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Addiction, 100lb Weight Loss, & Hiking To Heal With @steviewander · Fit for Hiking

• Hi, my name is Brady and I'm a longtime fitness professional and Midwest girl turned mountain living hiking addict. In combining my knowledge of fitness and passion for hiking, I've helped hundreds of women get lean and strong for the trails. Think of this as your one stop shop for both education and inspiration on all things female. Wellness, trail talk and adventure. Hiking, female metabolism, motherhood, nutrition, travel and fitness are all topics you'll hear discussed here. If you are outdoorsy and active, looking to level up your health, unlock your potential, and become inspired to live your most vibrant life, you're in the right place. You're listening to the Fit for Hiking podcast. All right. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Fit for Hiking podcast. This is a really exciting day because we have a guest on today. I'm going to be chatting with Stevie. You might know her on Instagram as Stevie Wonders and she is just a badass hiker backpacker gal in the kind of fitness and outdoorsy space. So I'm really excited to chat with her today. Thanks so much for being on here today, Stevie. I'm super stoked to be here. Thanks, Brady. Yeah. So we are kind of going to get into a couple different topics. There's so much that I want to unpack because you have such a unique and interesting story and have gone through a lot and can probably relate to a lot of our listeners just in some of the struggles that a lot of us go through, but not everybody voices them and shares about them. So that's something I really appreciate about you and how you show up on social media. But there's a couple of different topics that we're going to talk through today, sobriety being one of them, and your journey with addiction as well as fitness and kind of like your path with how that has really been quite healing for you and adopting a healthy lifestyle as well as your experience outdoors and how that's also helped throughout your sobriety journey. So first, if you could just tell us a bit of a background on you and if you're willing to share kind of how things first got started for you with like, drugs and alcohol, that would be a really awesome place to start. Absolutely. 1s So. 1s I well, I kind of want to go back, like, all the way back, because I do feel like the most impacting part of our lives is kind of in that early, early stages from three years old to eight years old. And that's where we kind of get the majority of our traumas and kind of how we live out our lives. We all learn from that kind of space. So I was kind of a bad I don't want to say bad kid, but I was always kind of doing things to get my parents attention, which would be deemed bad, like a brat, I guess. So I was always in things I shouldn't have been, but I think that was because I really just wanted my parents attention. Like, I wanted them to kind of give me that validation that they wanted me around. Kind of like I was always searching for it, and I guess I kind of never got it. My parents were really young when they had me. I think my mom was only about 20 years old. Wow. Okay. And they divorced when I was five. And leading up to that, I didn't see what love was at all. I saw everything that love was not supposed to be. So that imprinted on my mind a lot growing up that love was bad. Like, I didn't want love at all. And during the divorce, it was super messy. So my dad I have a younger sister as well, so they fought kind of over the both of us, but my dad really wanted to have me, so it was a lot of fighting, a lot of back and forth, like, a lot of chaos when I was very young, getting moved back and forth. My dad lived in the same province still, but it was about 12 hours away. 2s Yeah. So I would go and live for a few months with him, and then I'd go back and live with my mom for a few months. So I was always kind of getting tossed back and forth. 1s And never really having a chance to build those core relationships with anybody, because I just didn't have the time to invest in those. So I didn't have a ton of friends growing up just because I moved around a lot. Yeah, and I think just from that, my mom was really young and didn't really have any education. It was a kind of a traditional all husband and wife, stay at home mom. Dad was away working, 1s so when they split, she really didn't have a lot of options for how she could 1s survive. Basically, I remember being going with her to her serving job and being kept in just a little booth with my coloring book, so I'd always go with her to work. She worked three different jobs growing up just to support me and my sister. So it was really heartbreaking. But also, obviously, I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, I'm like, Damn, how hard that would have been for her. And I think our parents now, I know that they did the best they could with what they knew and how they were raised 1s and. But 2s my mom was always 1s doing like she was never very happy with her body. She was always doing those fad cycling diets, always, 1s like boyfriend choices. Not the best 1s kind of, but as I got older, that's kind of what I saw was, um, you know, those kind of empty, toxic relationships and moving around a lot and just leaving when things got hard. So we'd move from kind of place to place to place after she would leave a relationship. And so that's kind of like, all I knew. So once I started getting older around, I would say ten and eleven was when I first got introduced to that world. And I just had the lowest self esteem, like lowest self confidence. And that was unfortunate because the people who I ended up making friends with. 1s Were the ones that drank and did lots of drugs because they were the most welcoming. They made me feel important 1s and like I belonged. So I thought they were the best people in the world right off the bat. Right. And as an 1112 year old, it's like all you want is validation. I feel like at that age. So if that's where you're getting it, it makes sense why you would be like, okay, these are my people. Yeah, exactly. 3s The first time that I got drunk, I was eleven and I just genuinely liked the way it made me feel. It made me forget about all the pain and emotions. It was just like this numbing kind of oasis that I started chasing after that. 3s The first drug that I had actually gotten into was Methamphetamines, and I first tried those when I was 13 years old. So I was very young when I first got introduced and that kind of led down a very long, sad path for me. I left home and I just pretty much couch surfed for years and years and years and I didn't stop until I was in my late 20s, so it was a very long 1s journey with that. Wow, well, thank you for sharing that. I'm sure that's pretty heavy to unpack, so I appreciate you being willing to share. So what was the rock bottom or turning point for you in your late twenty s? Of course it was a boy. Of course. Yeah. So I was actually in Kelowna, BC, visiting some friends and we were at a bonfire and this guy ended up showing up and I was just like, oh my God. As soon as I saw him, he was super tall and charming and had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen in my life. And at this point I was still very overweight. I didn't have a lot of self confidence and he started to pay attention to me. I thought for sure this is what people are talking about. I just met my soulmate and little did I know at the time I had just made the most intense trauma bond of my entire life. We were pretty much inseparable for it wasn't a long period of time. I'm going to say about five months. 1s And there was a lot like, I want to be super honest about it, because there was a lot of extra stuff thrown in there. Like, I found out he had a wife, which was I know. And looking back on it, I feel very ashamed of it, but that plays a huge role in kind of what happened, so I do want to share that aspect of it. 1s He, of course, told me that he was leaving her. They were just in the midst of a separation, and I believed him, of course. And there was just this night that we were together, and I had overheard them on the phone, and I realized or him and his wife, sorry. And I realized that he had lied to me about everything. And at the time, I felt like my whole earth just shattered. And so I did end up trying to end my life with an overdose. Like, that was my plan. And so that was kind of the Pivoting moment where everything changed, because I did end up surviving it. And I remember the doctor was like, not very many people get to experience this second chance. It really is a miracle. And cry, oh, I'm about to cry. 1s And he really like, that moment. It was almost like a switch. I just really felt like I had been given just this second opportunity at life. And, yeah, that's kind of how it all unfolded from there. Wow, that's incredible. So many layers to that. I wish we had, like, hours to just talk all about this. 1s What was that rebuilding phase like for you, then, after you felt like you had this new lease on life? Where do you go from there? It's hard to explain, because in that moment and the aftermath of that, I had no idea. 1s Obviously, I didn't have any friends. I knew I had to not hang out with any of those people anymore. And I was very alone. All my relationships with my family were broken. 1s So I didn't really have a lot of support to lean on. But when I was newly in recovery, I was always pulled to the mountains. Like back when 1s I'd hang out with my dad when I was a little kid, he'd always take me on these crazy adventures, and I guess I just felt like I had to go back there. My therapist told me that when we're newly in recovery, we tend to go back to the last time that we ever felt really happy. 1s So I guess that was my core memory of the last time that I was truly kind of whole. 1s So with no experience at all, really, since I was like a tiny little child, but I just felt called to the mountains, so I would go hiking to kind of deal with my emotions because I no longer had those crutches to help me get through it. And I think that was the hardest part because all of a sudden you have 20 years of baggage with nowhere for it to go. And when I was out in the backcountry alone, it was like I was really scared, but at the same time, it kind of forced me to sit in it and just be scared. And that in its own, really helped me build that self confidence to show up for myself and be there for me. And that was kind of the after math of that. I spent a lot of time alone in the woods, basically. 1s Great form of therapy, I'm sure. 1s Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't recommend going about a recovery detox that way. I would better ways to do that, but that's the route I chose. And yeah, it's. It was definitely I don't know how it was when you grew up, but I feel like having emotions and talking about your feelings was almost frowned upon. 1s I'm in my mid 30s now, so 1s I remember always feeling like there was something really wrong with me for having those deep feeling emotions. 2s And I couldn't possibly tell anybody about them because I felt that they were wrong, like there was something wrong with me. So dealing with that was probably the hardest part of the aftermath, for sure. Yeah. 1s I feel like whether people have dealt with what they would label as an addiction or not, we all have these crutches we tend to go to just to avoid feeling our feelings. Totally. We all do it. And so I think it's such an important thing to talk about because. 1s Being willing to sit in your emotions and actually deal with the things and removing those crutches is such a vulnerable place. But it's I feel like the only way to actually move forward. It really is. And it is. It's terrifying. But once you say it out loud and I think that this is why I have shared so much about my recovery and stuff on social media publicly. Like, that is because it does help to just say it out loud and to have people be like, you're not alone. And 2s it helps me to kind of let that power it has a lot of power over you until you say it out loud, and then it's like 2s and you never know truly, who your story can impact 1s years down the line. It's amazing how our darkest moments or the moments that we feel shame over or the things that really we wish wouldn't have happened to us, can actually do so much good later on in the lives of others. And I think that that's really comforting because sometimes it's like, why did I have to go through all this stuff? But there is like, a purpose behind it. It really is. It sounds cheesy as hell because you always hear about it, but 2s I always say we connect more in our pain than we do in our happiest moments. It's always in the worst moments of our lives that we have that connection to other people. Yeah. And so similarly, even in the presence of social media, I don't really feel like I know people who just share their happy moments, their super staged photos. I feel like I actually know, even before this conversation, this is the first time you and I have talked face to face. We've messaged and commented and stuff like that, but I actually feel like I know you already because you actually have shared really big, deep pieces of your life. And so I feel like it's hard to really feel connected to people unless they're willing to kind of show you a peek behind the curtains of just the really pretty moments. Absolutely. And I do think that there's a huge shift happening in the world where that's becoming more prevalent, which is nice to see. It's nice to see real people going through real struggles because it makes you feel like, oh, that's normal, or oh, I'm not alone in experiencing these things. Absolutely. Yeah. So kind of shifting gears a bit, but obviously this is a part of your story. You mentioned dealing with being overweight, and you've had such an amazing health and fitness transformation. So would you tell us just a little bit about what that was like in the process of recovery and getting involved in outdoorsy type activities as well? 1s Totally. Yeah. So I was always overweight ever since I was a little kid. There was no health and fitness in my entire family besides fat, the fad dieting and the yoyo diet, cycling. 1s But like you were saying before, with any addiction, I also had an addiction to food. That is another way that I've masked my feel things. So growing up, 1s along with drinking and substance abusing them away, I also ate them away. So by the time that I was that event, that kind of pivoted everything for me. 1s I was over 300 pounds. So I was not to put a number on the weight, but I was severely unhealthy and just unhappy. 1s So when I did start hiking after in my early recovery, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to do it without investing some time into my fitness and health routine and really learning what that looked like. 1s The journey in that was messy as well. 2s I started out with no experience, no knowledge. I'd go to the gym and I'd run on the treadmill for an hour and then I'd go home. Or I'd do terrible form weightlifting and be so scared in the weight section that I'd only stick to the machines. I really was very insecure to be there, 2s but that eventually went away. I ended up getting into power lifting, which didn't make a lot of sense with being an outdoor athlete at all. So I went down that road, and then it was only about 1s three, four years ago that I started actually investing time and energy into endurance specific training, 2s because it's interesting. 4s A bodybuilder, for an example, or a power lifter, and then taking an endurance athlete, like, it's all going to be completely different. Yeah, exactly. And this is something that we see with like, I've experienced this personally where I was working out all the time, and then it wasn't translating to what I was doing in the outdoors at all. I feel so winded and really slow and on the struggle bus. 4s It's a totally different ballgame when you're training specifically for being in the outdoors. It is, yeah. Um. 1s And in terms of weight loss, I dropped a ton of weight the first year, so I dropped over 100 pounds in a year. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing. 2s And I'd like to say that I was super happy and stoked with my body after that, and I 1s really just had a better outlook on life, but it almost had the opposite effect. I kind of went backwards in that area. My training became a form of punishment, almost. And 1s it's interesting because I had lost so much weight, but I felt almost worse than I did before. So I think that it can go. 1s Training with a purpose definitely helps. And just knowing that your worth isn't tied to a specific body type, that doesn't equal happiness. 1s Yes. On a very much smaller scale, I haven't had quite the transformation that you have, but I've definitely fluctuated weight over the last ten years. And what I've noticed is that I am no more happy with my body when I'm my lowest weight versus my highest weight. If I'm not really intentionally focusing on just being content from a mental standpoint with where I'm at, and it has to start there. If we're just always obsessed with being better, being thinner, being whatever, from a physical standpoint, we're very rarely ever going to be satisfied, because even when you do reach your goal weight, quote, unquote. I was just talking with a lady today who was interested in my coaching program, and she's lost 180 pounds, and she was like, now I'm so scared of gaining weight that I can't even enjoy where I am. So it's just so interesting how it's a never ending journey, and it has to start with, like, that intrinsic contentment and peace with our bodies. 1s Regardless of where we are on the scale, and really focusing on something that's not just about making our body smaller with our workouts. Exactly. And it really is 1s frustrating, but everything comes back to your mental, like your mindset around and your perception, and just that shift can change everything. Yeah, absolutely. So how did you get to this place now where you are so much more confident in your skin? Seemingly. I'm sure we all have our days and we all have our moments where that might not be the case, but now you are killing it in the mountains and in the backcountry, coaching other women in fitness. How did you get to this place? What was that like? 1s It's been a wild ride. 2s It's funny looking back, because when you're in that 1s worst stage of your life, rock bottom, like you said, it's kind of like, why the hell is this happening to me? Why did I get dealt this hand of cards? What did I do to deserve this? And looking back on it now, it's like, holy shit. That actually really did need to happen in order for me to make all these mistakes over the last eight years. Back and forth, messing up and figuring it out in order to. 1s Realized, like, damn, because of this journey, I can help people 1s who are going through what I went through. I can genuinely fast track that experience for people, and I'm like, that's insane. So I think everything leading up to this point was just 2s almost like stepping stones. Like, messy all the way around, not a straight line at all. But 2s it's just crazy how, when you look back, it's like, damn, it just all has a purpose. It all had meaning. Yeah. 1s I would rather learn from someone who can actually relate to the really messy parts of my own story or my own struggles versus the coach who appears to have it all together. And they've always had it all together. I don't know, to me, that's more relatable. And I don't know if you've ever struggled with impostor syndrome around being a coach, but I've definitely dealt with that, where I'm like, man, sometimes I feel like I don't look the part enough, whatever that even means. I've definitely had those thoughts over the last decade working in fitness, especially when I've fluctuated weight. And I don't feel like I have it all figured out. It makes me feel, like, invalid as a coach. Like, oh, my gosh, how can I ever help anybody when I'm not perfect myself? But then I think about that from a logical standpoint, I'm like, Wait a minute. First of all, no one has it all figured out. But also, I probably am a lot more approachable than someone who is, like, 2% body fat and has never struggled with anything. I would want to work with someone who struggled, so maybe other women feel that way, too. 1s Totally. It's funny you said that. I'm pretty sure I literally said those exact words to a friend on the phone, like two days ago. 2s Because you do. And who decided? Because I was like, I feel like I don't look like a personal trainer. And they were like, what the hell does that even look like? 2s Yeah, I agree, for sure. And do have that feeling often because I was so overweight for so long. I still have that mentality that that is what people see when they look at me. Yeah. That's hard to shake. It's hard to break that self perception. Absolutely it is. Yeah. 1s Okay. So much there's just so much I wish we could, like I said, talk for hours. But what would you say your biggest lessons have been in all of these different struggles, all of the things that you've been through, your sobriety journey, your fitness journey, getting into the outdoors, what would you say your biggest lessons have been for anybody listening today? So my lessons, 3s there's a lot. So I believed for a long time that if I worked hard enough and I did enough personal development and I started a successful business doing something I loved and I got the body I dreamt of and climbed the highest mountains, that I would eventually get to this space of complete peace. Like, I'd get to this moment where the puzzle pieces just all fit together and clicked and everything made perfect sense and I didn't have to put in the work anymore. And the biggest lesson for me was that accomplishing these big goals wasn't what I thought it would be, because it really and this is another totally cheesy thing that I used to want to punch people in the neck when they said it. Right. But you won't be happy accomplishing these things unless you're already working on yourself and being happy with where you're at right now. Yeah. 2s We're never going to arrive at this nonexistent place of, like, I've made it. Now all my problems are gone because I've achieved XYZ. Exactly. And. 2s Like, you can't work, travel, adventure, you know, quit your job, and all of a sudden arrive at this place of happiness. Like, it doesn't work with external things like that. And it's so frustrating, and it's for sure a lesson I've had to learn over and over and over again. 1s But that's with everything, like fitness, relationships, starting a business, 1s it's just none of it matters unless you're working on just being okay with where you are. Nothing will ever be enough unless you're enough. Kind of where you're at right now. It has to start there. I always think about especially fitness with that because so many women who come through the program, they want to begin from a place of really disliking, where they're at, their bodies, all these things. But almost always we end up just spinning our wheels unless we start from a place of, like, I've accepted myself. I just want to better myself, but I don't hate myself. 1s Start there. And I've made that mistake myself for years. Like, you were talking about trying to punish my body into being more acceptable to myself, and it just really doesn't work that way. No, it doesn't. And I always say, who decided that that was the definition of what beautiful looks like? Was it a man? It was probably a man that was like, you're only worthy if you have a six pack and a big fat ass and big boobs. 1s That's what we're basing what we want off of. 3s It's. So true. Okay, so kind of along those same lines, what would your advice be for somebody who is maybe in a similar place, like, at the beginning of a fitness journey, really wanting to make some moves to improve their health, but feels, like, super overwhelmed and not really sure where to start? My advice would be to hire Dang coach. 2s No, but I think my best piece of advice I could give anybody would be to just. 2s Take messy action and to not allow the idea that you have to be perfect in order to accomplish this. Because I do find even with a lot of my clients, a lot of their past has been, like they'll do really good for two weeks with what they think they should be eating, and then they're so hungry that they end up falling off track for, like, two full weeks. And and then they get back on, and it's like this repetitive cycle of almost like 2s I can't think of the word right now for some reason. Depriving. That's the word I'm looking for. Depriving. And then binging. So that constant cycle of that always kind of leaving somebody in the same place. 2s So just realizing that consistency doesn't look like perfection, looks like 2s the all or nothing black and white thinking and just replacing that with like, okay, I'm not going to be on my game all the time, so I ate shitty one day. That's okay. Just kind of keep going the next day. You don't need to give up on yourself just because you had a bad day. 1s Yeah. And just yeah. There's so much that I want to say about this, because I've just been thinking about this so much lately, because I run into this, first of all, with myself. I think that is in all of us to be very all or nothing with this sort of thing, but I've definitely seen it with so many clients. It's such a struggle where it's like, man, I don't even know how to phrase this. It's like, okay, they think, okay, I signed up for a program. Now I will be perfect. And it's like, even if you have a coach, you're still going to have what most people would deem as off days or off weeks, or there's going to be life stuff. And when we label things as on or off or good or bad or I was on the wagon or off the wagon, that's when we derail ourselves more than actually being off the wagon, so to say. Because we assume that if we're not doing four workouts a week and eating in how we picture as a healthy diet 24/7 that we are off, there's no point. Yeah. And I think that that is what holds people back from seeing progress more than literally anything else, because it's this vicious cycle of, okay, if I'm off, I'm going to really be off, and I'm not going to do anything. And I was thinking about this the other day because. 1s For being a health coach and a personal trainer. I feel like I've been, like what most people would label as, like, off the wagon more than I've been on the wagon for probably the past year. Like, having a baby, lots of travel, starting my business, really ramping up hiring a team. I don't work out that much anymore. I used to be what probably people would refer to as on a lot more in the past as far as workouts and having a picture perfect diet and being on this super consistent routine. That hasn't really happened for me. I don't go to the gym anymore. I do at home workouts mostly, like, maybe two to three times a week, and then I go for walks and hikes. And my diet is definitely not what most people would label as perfect, but I've actually felt a lot happier in my body. Less inflammation. I'm fitting in my clothes perfectly fine. I'm happy with where I am. But if I had just been like, well, because I had a baby, or because I was on bed rest in my pregnancy, or because we've been traveling, or because I'm focusing on my business, all these things, I just can't right now. So I'm just going to say screw it and do nothing. I think that's the tendency. Right? And so this is such a long winded sidebar, but I've just been thinking about this so much lately because it's such a prevalent discussion that I'm having with clients of like, I know that right now you have a bit of an injury or you have a ton of work travel or whatever, but what can you do? What can we focus on? Even if it's not perfect, we can't just abandon ship the second that things become busy, because there's literally never going to be a season in your life where there's nothing going on and it's this perfect time for you to do everything the right way. I think in our minds, we think if we start a fitness program or we wait until this nonexistent time, that that's when it will happen. And it's like, this is not realistic. No, it's not. Yeah. And it's all about sustainability, right? Like, people have in their minds with the black and white thinking, yeah, it has to be drastic in order for it to work. It really doesn't it really doesn't have to be these huge, big moves. It's these little tiny habits that you make non negotiable every single day that you do that is going to have the most impact. And like you said, you don't have to go to the gym every day or do workouts every single day or eat the best eat on point every single day because that's not real life either. 2s Yeah. 1s That's such good advice. I think we all need to have that reminder. But especially if you are starting out or you just feel like, I don't even know where to start. There's so much information out there, truly taking the smaller steps that are very unflashy, unsexy of. Just really getting serious about a step goal every day. I was just going to say that. Yeah, it sounds so whatever. But walking is so underrated for weight loss and weight maintenance and your mood and balancing your cortisol and all these different things. So many benefits beyond just how you look. And then working out one day a week. Just start working out one day a week. I think we feel like, oh, I have to start. And I've seen this, even with my sister, is a good example of this, where she doesn't work out ever at all. She's just never been an exerciser. She's always been super teeny, even though she never works out, but she always is like, okay, I'm going to start working out four days a week. And I'm like, Bailey, just 1s do one do one day. Because every time she starts trying to do four days a week, she gets so sore and then she stops every single time. What can you actually realistically do for a one month every week? Do that and then we'll build on it. Let's start really small and then go from there instead of trying to swing for the fences and then feeling like a failure, which is what so many of us do with our health 3s really is. I don't know if you've read Atomic Habits by James Clear, I haven't, but so many people have mentioned that book, obviously. I just need to read 2s it's. Like, because people think of a fitness goal in this very short time span, like we were kind of talking about before, it's a lifelong journey. You don't get to this point where all of a sudden you don't need to work out at all anymore or things. It's these tiny little steps that you create that all of a sudden just one day becomes second nature and you don't even have to think about it. And the little things, it's not the big. 1s Huge, grand, flashy things and it's just the tiny little habits. Yeah. My clients that are successful and just continue to crush it and impress me so much are the ones that 1s don't say, okay, well, because we're going through a job loss in our household or because we're moving or because I was sick for two weeks or I had this injury setback, 1s I just can't do anything. I'm off. I'm ghosting. I'm not going to check in on the app. And it's hard because mentally it's like we feel like if we can't show up 100%, that we're already failing, but it could not be further from the truth. Like truly just figuring out, okay, yeah, maybe I can't work out right now, what can I do that's still going to move the needle for my weight loss goal or for my health goal or whatever it might be that you're trying to work on? Absolutely. It makes such a massive difference, even when we feel like it might not be enough. I think the fitness world and marketing tactics and all these things make us think if we're not doing the most if we're not doing all these intense extremes, that we're not doing enough. And I think that that feeling of not doing enough is really toxic because it makes you abandon ship instead of just doing what you can in that season. Yeah. And 1s that's what it all comes down to, is the feeling of not being or doing enough and that's. That's unfortunate because that's one of my most prevalent struggles still to this day, is that I always feel like I'm not doing enough. And it always yeah, 2s it's so frustrating because it's like, why can't I just celebrate my accomplishments? Or why can't I just be happy for myself? And it's like that deep seated kind of feel that it's like, okay, I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy of these things because it was just luck, or it was 4s it gets better with time, for sure. It's always going to be there, I think, whether it's like, in your career or in your life path or in your health journey. Our culture, unfortunately, this day and age is very like, okay, you did this, now what? Okay, you did this, now what? It's like always the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. And so then it does kind of make you feel like, I'm just not doing enough. There's no way I'm doing enough. And it makes it hard to ever just be happy with the progress that you have made or be content with, like, in this season of life, this is all I can do. I've had to really be honest with myself about that in my fitness journey. Like, yeah, I could get really motivated one moment and say, I'm going to start going to the gym five days a week. But right now, with where I'm at in my business and in motherhood, that really just is not going to happen for me. And I've had to just accept that. And if I was constantly feeling like because I wasn't, I was a failure and that was the bar, that if I'm not doing that, then I'm not doing enough, then I would always feel crappy about myself. So I think that mental calibration of what is realistic for me right now, where I'm still pushing myself a little bit, but I'm not setting this ridiculously, unrealistic standard for this season of life. There have been seasons of life where I was able to go to the gym five days a week and crush it, and that's great. And I think having those seasons and taking advantage of those is amazing. But that's not going to be every season, and we have to be realistic about that for ourselves. For sure. Absolutely. And what you just said is it really is in the accepting of that that changes everything. It's just being okay, that that is how life is right now. And that makes such a difference because it allows us to kind of let go of that. It's like, okay, 1s yes, definitely. Well, and it. Sorry, go ahead. Oh, no, I was just going to say something on the like yeah, the I'm gonna call it an addiction to achievement is definitely glorified in this day and age. For sure. It's so true. I constantly go back and forth between really wanting to focus on personal development and feeling like, okay, yes, I'm really into how can I really streamline my habits and how I spend my time and be progressing, but then sometimes just feeling so exhausted by that and being like, right now, maybe I don't want to focus on personal development. Maybe I just want to be okay with where I'm at. And I think that's a never ending balance of life is really being able to decipher when is it time to focus on personal development and really be honest with ourselves of like, hey, I really need to get my crap together in this department because we do need to do that sometimes. But then other times needing to really just be content and say, like, wow, I've come a long way, and how can I just show myself some grace instead of feeling like I constantly have to be bettering myself in every single area every single day? For sure. Yeah, that's the killer right there. 1s Especially in the age of social media where you're seeing I mean, it can be really inspiring, I think, depending on the type of day you're having right when you're in that headspace of wanting to work on yourself, it's really inspiring. And I love following along with people who are sharing their really solid daily habits, their workouts, things like that. But then on the days where I'm just feeling drained and exhausted, I'm like, I don't need to see this right now. It's just making me feel bad about myself. So have to kind of filter it out sometimes and decide, where am I at right now? And is scrolling social media even going to be a benefit to my mental health in this moment 1s for another day? 2s I know. Totally. Same with, like, I fell into the trap of, like, oh, everybody's moving into a van and hiking and traveling full time, and, like, in order for me to be happy, that's what I need to do. So I did it. And I'm like, oh, my God. This didn't fix my problems at all. No. Instead, you just have all these different problems. It's like, this fucking sucks. 1s It's funny that, yeah. Social media, very true. When we were living in the van, I mean, we're totally off on a different tangent, but when we were living in the van, I was like, wait a minute. This is not 1s glamorous. This is not at all what it's cracked up to be. I think it's a bit overrated. I'll say it. I probably should just do a whole different episode on Reality of Life because it's such a big topic right now, but yeah, it's just so true. Social media always makes you think that you should be doing something other than what you're currently doing. Absolutely. Yeah. That's it right there. 2s Well, this has been so awesome. I wish we could talk more, but I don't want to take up too much of your time. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your personal story. I know that this is going to be a very impactful and inspiring episode for our listeners. And where can people find you and connect with you and maybe learn about what you're doing now? So instagram is my main. 1s Source of social media platforms. I do also have a women's only hiking group for North America as well, that's free to join if any ladies would like to be a part of 2s but yeah. So what's your social handle? And we can link it in the show notes, too, but what's your social handle so people can connect with you? It's Stevie Wander. Perfect. Yeah. S-T-E-V-I-E-W-A-N-D-E-R wait, I don't think that's right. 2s I think you did it right. Okay, 2s perfect. Okay, awesome. Well, thank you again for coming on the show. This was amazing. I'll probably have to have you come back on for a whole other slew of topics because I think we could talk all day. I think so, too. That would be awesome. And I'm super grateful that I had the chance to talk to you face to face. This has been really nice. Yes, me too. Thanks again. 1s Thanks for tuning into this episode of the Fit for Hiking podcast. As always, I hope it leaves you feeling inspired and informed on how to take your health and adventure into your own hands. For more content like this, be sure to along with my daily posts at ponytailonatrail. That's ponytail underscore on a trail. You can also stay up to date on my new episodes being released at fit Underscore for Hiking and find more free resources@ponytailonatrail.com. Happy and healthy trails.