Latest / On Your Own Time Podcast / Running Through Chaos | ED Nurse | Marathons| Mum
Transcript
- Declan Toland: Hi Laura. You're very welcome to On Your Own Type Podcast. How are you keeping? Laur: Thank you. Thanks for having me today. Declan Toland: Okay, Laura, we've been talking over and back for the last probably couple of weeks. you're a busy person between nursing, running and being a man. so who is Laura Fleming away from nursing running and being a Mam Who are ya? Laur: So my name is Laura and originally from Cork and I have ended up in the Midlands. I heard you I was listening to your podcast with the cranky coach Kieran and I was like, another Cork man on it. so yeah, originally from Cork and I'm 42. and I'm an emergency nurse for the last 20 years. and I am a runner as well. I ran Seven Marathons. I also teach first aid on the side to businesses. Like I'll go into, you know, it could be a meat factory one day, it could be a crush or a care provider another day. So I do that through a company. And then I work at festivals as an event nurse and on with running as well. So I kind of I'm on both sides of the line, either trying to get over the line as a runner or at the finish line as the nurse, kind of making sure everyone gets over okay at the bigger events like Dublin Marathons. So yeah, there's a lot, there's a few different sides. and I've a partner then, Larry. He's we're gone out four years. and yeah, he's g he's great. He he's he's a busy man with all of us, so he's a paramedic as well. So our our dinner conversations can be quite interesting. so yeah, it's it's it's nice that someone understands the shift work. He you know, we both understand the dynamic of nights, days, coming off nights, going on days. So it is great from that point of view. So yeah, that's me trying to get back down to core work a little bit as much as I can. but with work now and the kids it it is hard. Declan Toland: So how do you do you ever sleep, no? Laur: Say that again. Declan Toland: D'ye ever sleep? 'Cause all the jobs you do you seem to be on the clock the whole thing. Laur: I know. I d I do. And you know what? I struggle with my sleep, actually. I I so I I suffered quite a bit with insomnia. So especially lately. yeah, if if any kind of there's a big event or anything like that, I my sleep falls down. So it is something that I try and work on. I I think sleep is crucial to be honest. You know, it it is for everything for your mental health, physical health. for your your sport, whatever you're into, whether it's running or hurling or anything else that you want to do, just for dealing with day to day. But yeah, sleep sleep is a precious commodity in my house. I have to say the kids are very good. They do we do get them to bed fairly, you know, well, and they like their sleep as well, thank God. So that is the only pot that's a good positive to have. Declan Toland: Absolutely. Getting to bed early. so here we take it back. You spent twenty years working in an emergency department. what first brought you into nursing? Laur: Yeah. So I did my placement when I was in college in in emergency and emergency department down in Waterford and I absolutely fell in love with it. I think I'm the type of personality I don't like routine as such and I thrive I drive on chaos and I suppose that's how the tagline came up on my TikTok running through chaos. I do drive on the chaos C V D and I think you can't work in an emergency department or at a festival or anything, you know, any of those type of events without thriving on unpredictability. And I love it because you're seeing every, you know, you're seeing every walk of person. I've worked in the private sector, I've worked in the public sector. And to be honest, to me, you can be a homeless person on the street or you can be, you know, a CEO of a company. I've dealt with both sides. And to me, you're a patient and you know you'll get the same care from me. regardless of who you are. you know, at the end of the day, we are all, you know, we're all human. We all are vulnerable when we're sick. And I've been on the other side of it as a patient as well. So it's kind of given me that insight. but yeah, I love it. I love going into work every day and not knowing what's ahead of me. I'm usually kind of in Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: resus, the resus resuscitation room or triage. So triage is where you you're the I'm the first point of contact. for a patient and I always say that to you know our students or new members of staff you're the first person they meet in their health journey in an emergency department and people are very very vulnerable I remember your first person get you had on the footballer and he spoke about how he was got so unwell so quickly and it's such a terrifying time. so yeah so I'm the first bite of contact in that situation and I'm someone you don't want to see when you're in a resuscitation room. But, you know, we try and do our best. We can't save everyone. But you're just trying to do the your best you can every shift. Declan Toland: Yeah, it's it and you just talked about your first point of like that first person in your medical journey could be the most important person because as you say, it's Tri Troy as yet. Okay. Yeah, so after twenty years, I sorry, I think we're actually losing each other a small bit, are we? Laur: Yeah, three ash. So you are yeah, it is yeah. Yeah, my reception is it's okay. I have the five bars, I think. I'm not sure how you are on your end. Declan Toland: Yeah, no. we have five bars here as well. I'll just reconnect. I just this is still recording, so don't worry, so it'll still it'll shine together anyway. We there now, are you alright? Laur: Yeah. okay, yeah. Declan Toland: Yeah, so i yeah, if this happens again, what happens is it's still recording and it'll just it might sound like we're overlapping each other, but it'll make sense at the end. it's just the wife I'm I'm in the still a marker, so it's Laur: Yeah, perfect. Declan Toland: probably the building here I'm working out. Okay, so after twenty years in E D, what has the job taught you about life? Laur: that's a good question. What it has taught me about life is life is so precious and it can change in an instant. it really can. You know, I think I have people coming in and nobody expects to end up in an emergency department. Nobody expects to end up in the resuscitation room, you know, with their life in the balance and and that is the reality. of what we see and what I do as a nurse in the emergency department, li life can change in a matter of seconds for people. And it's not just that person, it's their family, it's their friends, it's their relatives. And and I suppose it has taught me to make the most of every day. You know, it has, and I suppose we we don't make the most of every day. We say we want to, but some days it's just, you know, not possible. But it has made me appreciate what I have so much more. family, my loved ones, my kids, you know, sometimes after a really bad shift, all you want to do is get home, hug the kids, hug your partner, and you know, be grateful that you're not the patient that you've maybe treated that day. It's definitely taught me that life just is so short. you know, and we never know when our time is up. And I really firmly believe that we, you know, you get up in the morning and you might not get home. Or you'll come home a different person, perhaps maybe a spinal injury, a brain injury, a life changing, limb injury. you know, so that's it has taught me to appreciate, you know, get up getting up in the morning and getting being able to go to bed at night. The same person I was when I woke up. Declan Toland: Yeah, and and a lot of people worry about my pension this and my my finances for years to come and people to neglect the the now and that and the now and living living in the present. I'm probably guilty of myself, Laura. Laur: Yeah, absolutely. And we all we all are, you know, we all are guilty of that, I think. and I've seen so many people actually just on the cusp of retirement. And it's it's a well known fact. especially people in the emergency services that are, you know, have lived their life through shift work. And we all know that like it's well documented that night shifts are actually listed as a carcinogen now, so they can contribute to cancer because of, you know, how how bad they are for your health. as well as like particularly like say the emergen like the fire crews, the ambulance, you know, they're getting those spikes. We're all getting those spikes in cortisol when say the bells go off in the fire station, or the lads are going out and the crews are going out to a cardiac arrest, or we know there's a big trauma coming in. You're getting those massive spikes in cortisol. And I've seen so many people like that have worked for their pension, worked right up, getting to retirement age. at any cost and then coming into us when they've retired and their life has fallen apart, they might have got a bad diagnosis, they might have had a stroke. you know, where the where I work is a stroke center, so we see a lot of strokes being transferred from different hospitals in the Midlands and it's just devastating. It's it's so hard to see and it's so hard for family. So yeah, I really believe you have to live for the hair now. you really, really do, because tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Not for any of us. Declan Toland: Yeah, I love that. I love that. does seeing people on some of the worst days of their life change the way you look at your own problems? Laur: yeah, it does. Yeah, definitely. probably puts them in perspective, you know. certainly. it it it really does. I mean, especially if you're dealing with a young, young person that has had maybe you know, a bad, bad injury. We've seen a lot of e scooter accidents over the last year, like devastating e scooter accidents. you know, and you're looking at them and looking at their families, and the care that they may now have to provide. So You know, you might have been cross at yourself or annoyed at something this morning like sleeping it out or your coffee not being hot enough or, you know, it could be something small like that, or it could be something a little bit more significant going on in your life. But then when I go into work, you do I I've always said work is my safe space in a sense because I go into work and I forget about every all my problems for that shift because you're so focused. Or I try to, and a lot of the time it works because you're so focused on you know, other people and what you're seeing. And I think personally, because of personal stuff that has gone on in my own life, I went through an incredibly difficult divorce and post separation issues, and work was where I went in and just switched off. And, you know, you're putting yourself in a different role. You're not Laura going through a court process anymore, you're Laura as a nurse. So that's that's really helped me. Declan Toland: it's just just because you mentioned Laura I went through divorce, how do you how did you go into work and switch off from from that? How do people do that? Laur: it was difficult in the early days. What I did actually, in year a lot of time I used to run in the morning before my shift. So I'd get up and run before my shift. It could be before 13 hour shift, and I still do that today. and it just had clear my mind before I went in. I have found running invaluable for processing. everything that went around in that part of my life. I think that's how I kind of got into marathon running and endurance running was you know using it as a processing tool. and you had to have a little talk with yourself as well. There's some days where things were getting in on you, you were, you know, having to send emails. you know, so it was just about, you know, kind of trying to come compartmentalize. I can't say that word, but you know, put it in a little box. till it could be dealt with the next day. But my running, I would be known as the E D nurse that goes out running on her lunch breaks. So Declan Toland: Mm-hmm. Laur: I often try have my lunch, my breakfast and my lunch on my say my longer break. so I like I'm like a squirrel. I eat everything at once. and then try Declan Toland: Mm-hmm. Laur: we maybe might get 30 minutes then 35 minutes for one of our breaks. And I have it down to a fine art where I can get my 5k in in the the 30 minutes and showered and back on the floor. Now I when I come back on the floor, even with the shower, the sweat just be pumping off me because I'm like two minutes in the shower, two minutes getting changed. I Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: have it down to an art. But it is fantastic for clearing clearing my head during a shift. So and it's nice, you know, a few of the patients Declan Toland: Yeah. People Laur: now are regular patients will be like, you're that nurse that running on our lunch. Are you good out for your run? You know you're on and you know, you'll come back in and it's distraction for them as well, especially if they're there a couple of hours and stuff. You can have a little chat about it. And a lot of the time, you know, patients like to have a chat with you and it's distracting for for them. Distraction is a great tool for pain and anxiety. so yeah, I do a lot of I do a lot of running like before, during my shifts. when I worked in the Midlands I would have run after my shifts. So it's a great way to decompress Declan Toland: For anybody who doesn't run, running has such a headspace. I can I I think a lot of people love Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: going on long runs. Like you you plan your whole life out nearly on a on a on a long run. and when they do the Martin training, anybody who does Martins and does Martin training, you go through so many stages. I love this, I hate this, I love this, I'm never doing this again, you know. and it is unbelievable for the forehead. Laur: Absolutely. It it is and I it is. It's fantastic. Declan Toland: Yeah, so but how do you mentally leave the E D behind you after shift finishes? You said you go back to your kids and stuff like that, but how do you actually leave what happens in work in work? Laur: Sometimes it is difficult. there's been times where, you know, you might have a cry in the car on the way home. there's definitely been cases where the especially during COVID, COVID was really difficult for anyone that was, you know, in healthcare. that was really, really difficult. We were seeing things that we never thought we'd see, particularly around debt and you know, a nurse's role around debt is really sacred and I I I feel very strongly about palliative care and end of life care and we do try it's hard in an emergency department to do end of life care well because it's a busy department but you know during COVID that was taken from us a bit. That was taken from us quite a lot. You know, having that time to give to the families, having that time to, you know, lay out a body, which is a really to me, a really, really sacred part of nursing. It's It's the it's the most important thing you can do for someone. It's one of the most important things you can do for someone. you know, it's the last act essentially that you can do for them and their families. And that wasn't afforded to us. you know, so dur during COVID, it was really difficult. I was really in the early days of separation and divorce, and I found it incredibly difficult. so there was a lot of cr a lot of crying on the way home. there is a lot of dark humour. in healthcare, you know, a lot of you know, we use dark humour. They think it goes across the board and in emergency services. I would drive in silence on on the way home. I'd be an hour commute on the way home. So I found that hour just a good tool to decompress. There wouldn't I wouldn't even have the radio on. And then I suppose my partner is a paramedic. So it was great to talk to him about cases or you know, kind of say, do you think I could have done anything differently? Or, you know, to get that reassurance or that, you know, kind of just that time to decompress with him, that that's really good as well. And and you know, it is hard for people that are, you know, don't have that safe space. but yeah, crying and chocolate. A lot of chocolate on the way home, Declan Toland: Chocolate. Laur: a few tears in the car. yeah. Declan Toland: I don't I don't think the medical so that the the likes of all in the nurses and doctors and paramedics and and the emergency service got enough credit during that. because I know there's a lot of patients and families that couldn't get in to see their parent could see the sick pe sick Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: patients. but you were you were probably getting the neck a lot of times from them people. Laur: Yeah, it was very difficult. You know, people were frantic. we were frantic, you know, we were trying to not be frantic, but you know, you're you're you're going in every day and you're waiting for this surge. and where I worked in the Midlands at the time, there was a lot of high-risk industries around us that were getting very sick. So we were kind of on alert all the time. and then as you said, I think it was more the nurses up on the wards that really, really felt it. That were, you know, looking after the admitted patients that were looking after the same patients day in, day out with COVID, you know, or different conditions. They really, really had a tough time. And and I know it's really affected and a lot of people left the, you know, nursing as a result. some people never got over it. To be honest, when in emergency, I suppose we were kind of going through and our visiting was restricted anyway. But it was, it was very, it's very it is hard dealing with. people. It's in that sense, you know, you can imagine yourself if you want to go in and see a parent and someone is stopping you and all you want to do is spend time with them. It it was a really difficult time. Yeah. I I don't think a lot of us Declan Toland: Prem Laur: ever kind of got over it. Declan Toland: It must have been also very hard the the fear of being in in a highly c c contaminated area to bring home stuff to your own families. Laur: Yeah, that was it. It was. It w like it was a whole process, coming home. You know, you'd shower in the hospital, you'd put your clothes in a bag, you put on fresh clothes, then you'd be kind of wiping down everything in your car, then you'd come in, you'd wipe down your car again, you were getting changed at the back door, putting on fresh clothes, showering again upstairs, then putting on say pajamas. Like it was it was a crazy time. It was. It was a whole process. And you know, you were just terrified of bringing home something to the kids or family members. I I actually never tested positive for COVID, would you believe? And all the years Declan Toland: Jesus. Laur: I was working in it. Yeah, yeah. Maybe it's the cork blood, I'm not sure. But I know. Declan Toland: That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. so here also you work in medical so you also work in medical tensor festivals and races. How how different is it from working in a D D? Laur: It's it's a more uncontrolled environment as in well, not uncontrolled as in we you need you don't know what's coming in the door, and it's the same with festivals, but you know, your resources are limited. and there's a huge volume of people, you know, and anything can happen at a festival. It can be, you know, multiple drug overdoses or it could be a crush. So you're trying to prepare for everything. So it is quite different from that point of view. It's lovely dealing with people in that capacity. We try, we really try, the festivals I work at try and reassure them, you know, we're here to help. We're not here to judge. We do not care what you have taken. We just want to make sure you get some safety, your parents or your family. And so there's a lot of there's a lot of r rapport building with with the people that come in and trying to get them comfortable. the festival I worked at, say on Saturday, had surrender bins so that you could put your drugs in to be tested by the HSE labs. So we had a lab beside beside us in the medical tents we could just drop the drug drugs over so that whoever you know, if they were whoever whatever patients came in to us could find out what they actually had taken. and it's just about encouraging them, you know, to come to us if they need help. You know, because it is often friends that will bring their friends to the medical tent going, I don't think he's right. And they've saved quite a few they've saved their friends' lives doing that. so it's very different from that point of view. It's very much trying to engage and make them comfortable and not make them feel judged. the race, the race, like the running running the running events that I do are different. Then again, you just feel so bad for anyone that comes into the medical tent. You know, they've trained so hard. And it could be a simple trip or a fall over a water bottle. We get quite a lot of that in. or they're very they can be very sick. So we always say runners and ravers present the same way, they're overheating, we need to cool them down. So you're basically stripped, you're stripping them, spraying them, fanning them. So you're literally stripping them down, spraying them with water, putting ice in there, like say under your arms in their groin. and fanning them down to try and get their body temperature down really, really quickly because they can become incredibly sick. I have seen some of the sickest patients in my career in a medical tent. you know, it's it they they go downhill really, really quick. So you've you're making decisions that are very different to what you would be making in work in an emergency department. You have a whole team there where you've limited resources and You know, so but it is again lovely, you know, dealing with the runners. And I think being a runner myself, I can really emphasize with them and be like, This is awful. Like this is terrible. You've ended up in here and you're trying to comfort them as well, you know. So Declan Toland: It's mad, isn't it? Like at the end of the march in particular you see some amount of people falling over the line and being dragged over the line and it's mad. Laur: Yeah. This is it. So my job last year at the Marathon was to make sure so they put me where I could see straight down, you know, the last three hundred, four hundred meters, because that's where people, you know, they sprint for that last bit and their body just goes, Nope, we're not doing that. We ran for forty two kilometers. and my job as probably a runner nurse, runner and a nurse is to kind of spot right who looks like they're gonna really need us. to help them when they get over the line. Who looks like they just need, you know, you know, they might just need to sit down for a second. Who looks like there they need to be assistance brought up to them. often, like say there was a couple last year where we had to run up or I had to run up and you know there was one or two lads in particular that looked very, very unwell, but they were so determined to get over the line. So you're trying to nearly just walk with them and encourage them and Make sure someone's at the other side of the line to bring them down to the medical tent if needs be. and then you have to ultimately have to make decision, it's not safe. I don't care if you have only two hundred meters to go. You you know, your your risk of cardiac arrest at mile twenty, twenty-one is high. you know, it's higher than say obviously mile ten. you know, you're just getting a huge surgery adrenaline, your body's exhausted. There could be something, an underlying cardiac condition. So, We do have like say defibrillator set up all along the line with people, you know, different van different viewpoints, you know, ready to provide that kind of assistance. it's rare, but it does happen, and that's that's what what my job is. I suppose I'm 20 years in the job and I'm decent enough to spotting if someone is going to go into a cardiac arrest at this stage. You know what I mean? Like you c you know by their the colour of them, the look of them. you know, you know, right, they're they're really sick. We need to run down to them and get them off, get them out of here quick. and we have a really good medical tent set up then that can provide that assistance, you know. So it's a good setup. yes. Declan Toland: You do see wheelchairs. Wheelchairs now to finish something. Laur: You do. So they would be for our pa patients that so what I I was I was they were laughing at me last year. I was like a military sergeant. I literally had them lying down, legs up. You know, and trying to get them to move on. So our biggest thing is when and is when when they hit the finish line and you know yourself doing marathons, you just want to stop. And I I know this, I remember passing the marathon lines and they're going, Keep keep going, keep going. And you're going, my god, I've ran for 42 kilometers. Don't be telling me to keep going. Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: but what happens is your calves, the blood just goes to your calves. So literally. And your calves are cramping and you get that faint feeling, and that's when people drop. And often it is just me going over, they're looking at me, I'm going, You're all right, your brand, put the legs up in the air, get the blood back to the head. because when they're fainting, it's just the body's way of saying, I need to get to the brand quick. So we get the blood back to the head, see if they're okay to get up and try and get them, get them walking again, get that blood circulating. but sometimes they're just so nauseated, they don't they need the wheelchair just to bring them hopefully just offside. And that's my job to determine whether they need a few minutes sitting down offside or do they need to go into the medical tent for further treatment. Or do they just need their legs thrown up in the air and reminding them to stop their garment. Declan Toland: Yeah. We've a funny thing here and we're garmin, that's the that's the most important thing. I know a few lads in work here says Laur: Better. Declan Toland: if it we've a group group as a run. If you're gonna faint, do not faint Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: at the finish line because it's live streamed. Laur: Yes, that's it. Yeah, absolutely. And I didn't realize last Declan Toland: T. Laur: year that I was being live streamed and the girls were like in work watching and they were like, Laura, you just issued were going around just putting everyone's legs in the air. There was quite a few fainters. especially at the three hour we they come in surges as well. So you know everyone's like trying to break the three hour, sub three hour, then you've the sub three and a half. So there's quite a lot of those points and they are pushing their body to the max, the two and a half hour mark. I mean, they're giving it all. So, you know, they're the to they're they will go down quick. But it's also then people at the four and a half, five hour mark because they've been on their feet a long, long time at that point. Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: So it can kind of happen at any stage. But I'll be I'll be there to catch you if you fall. Hopefully, hopefully not. If you see me standing over you now, you'll know, geez, that's that one. No, keep crawling. Declan Toland: jeez, let's forget it it won't be fainting at the finish line anyway. I'll be fainting past it probably. Yeah. So before we start recording you were talking about time is precious time pre time is precious. Okay, so where did the outcome Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: come from? Where Laur: So I I've had a few, I suppose, incidences myself where time it showed that me that time is precious. So I've had two car accidents. I've had one where I was falling asleep at the wheel, fell asleep at the wheel after a shift on the motorway and the outcome could have been so much worse. I think I I I was fine. God, I think it was about fourteen years ago, but the car was completely destroyed. Every part of the car it went into a load of trees was banged in but my side of the door and I walked away from that. and then I had another car accident where the kids were in the car, someone drove into me and I was quite I was, you know, I had quite a lot of back pain after that. And that was just on on a school run. So as I said, y you know, and I ended up in the emergency department both times as the patient. so, you know, you're you're finishing a shift or you're going on a school run and that's where your time, that's where my time, my concept of time comes in because I didn't expect to be a patient that day and no one does, you know. and then I had emergency surgery, I think it was coming up to two years ago. and again woke up that morning perfect and ended up going in for emergency surgery on a cyst that an ovarian cyst that had bled into my pelvis. I never knew I had a cyst until then. my little young lad, Jack Jack, was thirteen, called the ambulance. He was super, he's so good. and they when the ambulance came, I remember I was in agony, I couldn't stand up, I couldn't I was kneeling on the ground and I remember thinking, my god, the crew that are coming are going to know me. And this is you know, I'm here trying to turn away the ambulance on the phone, saying it's fine, I'll make my way to ED myself. And they're like, No. But they were trying to bargain, the boys were trying to bargain with the ambulance crew about you know getting a day off school. So it was the funny part of it. But when I was after having the emergency surgery, they discovered a lesion, which they thought was cancerous. they thought it was a sarcoma, which is a soft tissue cancer. It's quite it's in a very aggressive one, it has a poor outcome. and my world fell apart for a couple of weeks. it really did, you know. I suppose it it didn't look it looked like it was more than it wasn't. And that few weeks while I was waiting on the All Clear was terrifying. You know, you're you're a mother, you want to see your kids grow up. and to have that, you know, possibly taken away was was really, really difficult. I I did get the all clear, but it it probably changed my outlook all the more on how precious time was. and I've I've since then I've had a fall down a full flight of stairs. I was home down Cork looking after my mum and She thought it was the boys running up and down the stairs because they're they're boys and it was me after falling down the stairs and I cracked a rib and injured just injured my arm, but like I'm fine. But it just I've had a I've had a lot of close calls. I had there was an incident in work in July that could have been a lot worse for me and it wasn't. So you know, it it certainly has taught me personally. that time is very, very precious. because any one of those incidents could have changed my life. so yeah, that's that's where my concept of time comes from. Declan Toland: Yeah, and like I'm big into and obviously from my name as well on the on the podcast, I'm big into like time and and like we only we only have one life. We only have like we can rest, we can sleep, we can do what we want, but time never stops and it keeps moving on. and just shows there from what you just said that the the stuff that you went through, like you you've gone through an awful lot in probably in a short period of time as well. and like the biggest the biggest thing that hit me there, Laura, is like to look I have a child, a young b a young lad and looking at like If someone if someone taught me a possibility of this is what you could have and just looking at him and thinking, Okay, I'm his father, I should be here, I want to be here to help him grow, give him a voice, give him and see him grow as a person, I don't know, I I Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: couldn't imagine what you went through in that period of time. Laur: And that's it. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't what I may have to go through personally myself if I had got that diagnosis. it was how they would cope without me. that is my enduring fear to this day. you know, and you know, how how how they would be without their mom. and I have, you know, unfortunately lost friends to cancer, you know, and it's it's always at the back of my mind, I suppose. And I think especially since I probably divorced and separated and, you know, that that was so difficult, you know, just just not being thinking that I wasn't going to be there for them. it was it was a terrifying time for me and my partner. It really was. And he was so he was trying so hard to be so strong for me. but yeah, all of those incidents happened in quite a relatively probably five years. with a divorce and I suppose a lot of post separation challenges integrated. It's it's been a lot on my nervous system. it's been a lot to deal with. And I think that's how I I ran four maritons in eighteen months, which it comes with its own, you know, like you said, your whole life is nearly focused on that then, but it is how I got through it at the time. definitely. Martin training forced me to eat, it forced me to make sure I slept when I didn't feel like sleeping, didn't feel like eating. it gave me structure, it gave me a goal when the kids were in school or when I was off a shift to decompress and process stuff. So yeah. It's it was precious time. Declan Toland: But running's like a plaster, it's like a putting a the absolute running's like putting a plaster. You're putting it over temporary, like eventually we have to process it and deal with it. And you just said you processed it. Laur: This is it. And it actually it's interesting you say that. I put a very good plaster over me for quite a while. And you know, I think from the inside out, outside in, my partner could see that it was just a plaster. Whereas I for a while I was like, no, this is the only thing that I need to to deal with stuff. and it hasn't been, and you know, the last couple of months have probably been the most difficult for me personally, accepting that Mariton running. or running on its own wasn't going to fix what I had gone through. So, you know, I have taken the time to, you know, kind of I suppose look at my mental health in more detail. I'm in very intensive therapy, you know, and that's that is a help. Running is a is is a tool, but it is not going to fix the problem, you know, and and it's it's that inner inner work. That will get you there. and it's definitely been challenging. but I'm certainly on the right road now. but I think our bodies can only put up with a certain amount of trauma. and as I said, there was an incident in July in work that was my tipping point. and I lost a good friend through suicide. and they all happened within a two week two week spell. and it was my tipping point. It was the point where I went. I really have got to look after myself. So it's it's been a bit of a journey, to be honest, in the last couple of months. and running is certainly a fantastic Declan Toland: No, absolutely. Laur: aid. Declan Toland: It's like being on an airplane, they tell you they tell you to put on your own mask before you put on anybody else's mask, 'cause you can't help others if you don't help yourself. Laur: This is it. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, the type of work I'm in, I'm very good at helping others. I want to help others. I love helping others. I really love my job. but I stopped helping myself for a little while. so it's it's definitely been a journey to to get to that point. And and I have my partner to thank for that because he's the one that, you know, he's got great insight. He has seen me go through a lot, and he's the one that has Absolutely made sure that I've done that. Declan Toland: How important is it to have someone in your corner that actually knows you? And he sometimes saying being quiet is probably the best thing at times and sometimes like 'cause I find as a partner at times you could say the worst thing and it makes things worse. but how important is it to have someone in your corner? Laur: for me, and I said this, I actually said this to someone the other day. I I think it's essential. I I really do. and it doesn't have to be an intimate partner, it can be a best friend. I actually met my very, very best friend at a at the race line at the Clantar Ten Mile in twenty twenty two. we were there through with mutual friends and we have spoken every day since twenty twenty two. we have become inseparable. my partner calls us a peas and a pod. We just we've gone through similar situations and herself, Carla and my partner Larry have been just instrumental in probably me being who I am today. They really have, you know, Larry's been just so good at knowing when to pull back and just kind of let me process things and step in and be like, nope, I'm taking over now. We're doing this, this and this. I find it very, very hard to allow to allow help in. I definitely think that's Lar been Larry's biggest challenge with me is allowing myself to be helped. I like to help, I don't like to be helped. so that's definitely been the ch the challenge. And and he's handled really well and Carla as well, as I said, the two of them have been just amazing. So yeah, it's it's so important. Just even a one close friend is all you need. Declan Toland: Yeah. And it's one thing one thing about listening, but you need to be someone that's active listening. Like we all know when people are listening to us and they're not listening to us, but active listening is very, very important. And for anybody that's listening to us or watching us, that's going through the same situation or is there any any bit of advice you could give them? Laur: I think it's to confide in someone. it i it is to confide in someone. It's to recognise. I think your first podcaster that you'd on said he, you know, he started realizing he was overwhelmed at the smallest things. it's about knowing that you're not on your own. you know, and allowing yourself to feel how you feel. I think that's a massive thing. We all feel how we feel. and it's not trying to minimize how you feel. Get the help. Like there is help out there, and it is hard to access sometimes. I'm never gonna say, our mental health services in this country are are quite lacking. And I see that in the emergency department quite a lot. but even if it's just one friend that you're talking to, one friend that you feel safe with, it it is it is difficult. But it's it is, it's just even confiding in one friend and even going to the GP. I found definitely, you know, when we're in a dark place, our thoughts are so dark sometimes that, you know, you can't see others' perspective. And sometimes it's just listening to someone else and their perspective. and as my fr as as Larry and Carla always said, we have your back, we've got you. And I think just someone saying that, just those little words, we have you. it's just just reaching out to one person is is so important. It really is. you know, I think that's the best advice I can give. Declan Toland: No, great. I had a I actually had a fellow on my podcast, I haven't released it yet. he actually said to me he's going through addiction and he said to me that the most joyful thing he's done since he c he's come sober is to actually do the podcast. He's never sat back and expressed his whole his whole addiction problem, his whole childhood problem in one Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: five fifteen minute episode. And he Laur: Wow. Declan Toland: actually texted me afterwards and has probably said to me, He's Thanks much for that. He says, That's what I needed. Laur: Yeah, isn't it amazing? and that's Declan Toland: Mat. Yeah. Laur: the type of I love having conversations and work with people. They might come in with, like, say, an abdominal pain, but then through the conversations that you've had with them, if you're able to build that bit of rapport, if you have that bit of time, they might confide in you, they're struggling, but it might be the first time they've ever confided in it, in someone, you know, and it's getting that validation, you know, or or saying your thoughts out loud. Sometimes you're like, wow, okay, you know what? I I'm not as good as I thought I was. I I've I think people with addiction, when they overcome it, are just some of our strongest people on this planet, like because it is truly a her it is a terrible road to be on. You know what I mean? It's such a difficult road. And I've never and I I've never met someone in the emergency department through addiction that hasn't suffered some trauma that brought them down that path. And they're good people, you know, and they're just in that vicious cycle. and it is heartbreaking, you know, and all we want to do is see them well. Declan Toland: Yeah, and it it and we talked about we always talk about social media. Social media has a real positive effect on a lot of people, but there's so much negativity out there in social media. And the same particular fellow I was I was talking to, he said to me that like a lot of his followers are positive, but then there's a few followers that are not positive. and he that he was trying and he he was feeling that was the most difficult part because he's taking what he was taking in negative people more than the positive people. but like I was trying to say to him like I was trying to say to him a lot of people. A lot of people have probably sad in their own life that they have to take Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: pick take pick on you like Laur: I always say hurt people, hurt people. You know, I I really believe in that. If you're hurting, sometimes you hurt other people, and it's not an excuse, it's not a reason to do it. But I I I've been lucky. My I've been I've I've I've lovely followers and they're so encouraging, and you know, it there's there's a few runners that I'd be very close with now. I haven't had too much, I haven't had much negative at all, but I always think. those people that are negative on social media, there's something going on for them in the background. and it's not an excuse, but I always think don't take it personally. Just think to yourself, they're they're hurt and they're trying to hurt you for whatever reason. And I think it's the same in in in life, you know, I you know, you have to it's it's harder to we we focus in more on what neg people say negatively to us than we do positively. I think it's whatever way we're wired. We remember that the negative comment, one negative comment as opposed to ten positive comments. Declan Toland: We we've just seen in the army here that when we're doing giving feedback for anything and we call it the good, bad, good. So the sandwich like our so the good stuff, you tell them all the good stuff about them and the stuff they need to work on and then we finish on a positive because we never like to finish on a negative and and that's we always 'cause as you just nailed it in the head, people just remember the negative stuff. yeah. Laur: Hundred percent. And we do that as well in our debriefing. if we've a you know, a k a bad case in work, we do what's called hop debrief and a cold debrief. So a hot one will be immediately after the event. but again, like there's huge emphasis now on the positive, negative, positive, to leave it on a positive note and then we'll do a cold debrief maybe the next day, or if we're doing simulation training. I'm sure you probably do a bit of that in the army. you know, Declan Toland: Do yeah, yeah. Laur: it's It's it's simulation training is quite it can be overwhelming 'cause you're in a room, you're in Resus and there can be twenty people around you looking at what you're doing. you know, and you go around and you discuss peop you know, what you found good about it, what you found bad about it. But I think it's incredibly I am a simulation training instructor. So I find it really, really go, you know, important to give that positive feedback and end it on a positive note so that they come away going, I'm act I actually did good there. I have this to improve on, but I'm I did good. Declan Toland: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. we we'll bring it back to a small bit more running. Okay. So you you mentioned you're in the Gappa de la Law, Martin, when I was talking to you. So what made it that event Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: so unique? Laur: that was amazing. So that was a hard man event. So basically it was like you started at the gap and I think one of someone actually had said it was like a long run. It is it was like a long run, but it was rather than a race, you were racing against yourself completely. I think any weaknesses that you had were exposed on that ra that run. you know, it was this the scenery was absolutely spectacular. It was just out of this world. I remember starting off though and the elevat it was just going up and up and up and there was a carryman beside me and he was like, we haven't even reached proper hills yet. And I was like, no. Declan Toland: Ha ha Laur: but it was a raw marathon. Like there was no spectators, there was no Marshalls. There was one water stop at Malls Gap, which was at the top of gap the gap of Dunlow, and you turned and came back down. Like there was an ambulant one ambulance, you know, at at the halfway point and they were at different points then. But you were, you know, you were out on your own. and I ran it with another guy, and we were together for quite a bit of it, and then I got in my own head completely, and he got in his head and he ran on, then I'd run on, then he'd run on. but it was just a really unique experience, you know, compared to the crowds of Any other marathon you've done, your crowds there. So you had to you had to rely on your own mental energy. and a lot of the time when you're doing a marathon, you're, you know, when you're flagging, when you're getting to the 20 mile mark, the the crowd carries you for some of that way. And with this marathon, you had to carry yourself. so it was very, it was very unique in that sense. There was no one to say, come on, you know, you've got this, you know, it was you and the sheep. On the mountain and that was it. Declan Toland: It's actually hard enough to even drive up that gap, I don't know. Yeah, it's crazy. yeah, so like your profile says running through chaos, hiking for peace. What does actually Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: what does it actually mean in your life? I we talked a small bit about Laur: So so yeah, so I run. I suppose when there's when there's a lot of stuff going on for me, I find I run. I find I run running processes things. And I've done EMDR therapy. I don't know if you've ever heard of that. it's a type of therapy that you you're kind of it's eye movement and it's to help process events. but the type of EMDR that my therapist does with me, you do kind of Tapping, kind of bilateral tapping. So she always says, so you're kind of like you have your hands in a butterfly and you're tapping to her guidance. and she always encourages me to go for a run afterwards because the bilateral movement of your hands and your legs moving, it almost helps cement things. And I find after something like a heavy therapy session, the running is sent essential. Or as I said, during an E D shift, I will I will try my best to get out if I can. And it just gives me that time to decompress. And so, you know, there's a lot of chaos in my life. There's, you know, as I said, there's been a very difficult divorce, and that took a lot of my time. There's the kids, you know, we're doing four different school runs. there's a lot of logistics. So I find the running fantastic for that. And I find the hiking just brings a sense of peace. Just the minute I'm in a forest, the minute I'm going through a mountain. I am at peace. There's, you know, it's just nature. my my my partner's paramedic said to me one time, I've never gone to anyone in a forest having a panic attack. I'm like, yeah, that's actually true. I've never had Declan Toland: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Laur: anyone in from a forest having a panic attack into D D. I'm sure there is, but you know, I just the minute I'm in a forest, the minute I'm looking at the mountains or up in the mountains, I am just just at peace. So yeah, they they serve different purposes. And I love them both. Declan Toland: Yeah, that's it. There's actually no better feeling than sitting up on a lovely on a beautiful day sitting on top of one of the mountains, just looking out over the mountains and it's some of the big we've actually some of the nicest view sceneries this in ever. Laur: a hundred percent. And I've no problem hiking by myself. You know, I'll pick a a route that's well kind of tray you know, well known and stuff, but I love it. I love just I I suppose because I'm an emergency nurse and dealing with people all of the time with so much going on with you know, coming and going. I love my own company. I went down to Dingle last year, did the half marathon on the Saturday, did a sauna that evening. went and hiked Mount Brandon the next day and I was as happy as could be by myself for the weekend doing those two Declan Toland: Mm-hmm. Laur: different things. You know, I do really love my own company. Declan Toland: Yeah, and like we in the army we've we've been Laur: And I might journal up there as well, you know. Declan Toland: lovely. We've often we were doing some of the hikes, military hikes around Wicklow and some of the Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: or we met we met an American couple up there and they're up there for hours till I got lost. So the weather changes so quick on the mountains. Laur: Jaws. Is that Lord McQuilla? Declan Toland: yeah, so looking clear, yeah. So they got lost up there, so we had to bring them back down. Laur: And you know what? It's Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: funny because I would get lost in a paper bag. I like I am so bad. I got lost in a hospital once that I worked in, and they had to send a porter to come find me. I was working in the matter hospital and it's huge. And I went from the ED over to a different part of the hospital, and I I had no phone with me, and they had to send the porter in the general direction of where. The ward was. I could not find my way back. And then I'm like, I'll go hike Mount Brandon. So yeah. Declan Toland: No Yeah, so it it can be it they're amazing the up the top the mountains alright. So here you've Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: completed seven maritimes. Which one means the most to you and why? Laur: I think the Gap of Dunlo one meant the most to me. I was going through a hard time at the time. and it was a personal challenge. and I'd never pushed myself to do anything like that, Martin. And you know, with the elevation, with the the type of terrain it was, that was definitely a personal one. and it definitely it definitely meant a lot to me. Cork is fantastic, Dublin is fantastic, but the standout one to me is definitely the Gap of Dunlo. I think it's it was just so raw, it was just so you know, everybody was on their own journey to do doing it. And I met lovely people at the end and we sell it we all, you know, met lovely people on the route at the end and we were cheering them on and it was just it was really different, you know. sat sitting down with a bunch of strangers, having a drink at the end and swapping life stories and, you know, at the the cottage there. it was just it was Declan Toland: So it's Laur: just amazing. It's definitely a standout for me. Declan Toland: Must be one. I must add it to my list to try do. Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: So what happens in your head what happens in your own head late in the morning, when the body is telling you to stop? Laur: that is tough, isn't it? from twenty miles on. It is it is tough. I think from twenty miles on you're it's a mental game, you know. and so many people, and I think there's such a thing now where people are like trying to do from a 5k to a marathon. And it's you know what I mean. I've done a five K, I'm gonna train for a Marathon, and physically that's a massive challenge. you have to have the training done. I think the marathon shows you no mercy. If you have weaknesses or if you haven't put in the time on your legs, they're exposed at that point, you know, after mile 20. I think you can pull it together till then. I do a lot of inner talking at that point, trying to distract myself, listening to music. I think a lot of it is trying to remind yourself why you're doing it in the first place. you know, whether it's it for a charity, I've ran one for a charity, the rest of them have just all been personal goals. you know, but at that point you're really it's a lot of self talk, trying to keep the legs going. you know, but it's it's also, you know, there's been times where I've stopped and walked in marathons and just gone, okay, you what, I'm gonna walk for a minute. It's it's fine. but it's yeah, it's definitely self talk at that point. Yeah, Belfast was incredibly Declan Toland: no, absolutely. Laur: tough. Yeah. I found Belfast mentally the the hardest marathon I'd done. and I got my best time of the seven marathons in Belfast and I hated every minute of it. I just started it and went, nope. You know, I just wasn't in a good headspace starting it. and I never picked up. So to me, and technically it was one of the flattest. You know, it should have been the least challenging. I'm never going to say marathon is easy, but it should have been the least challenging one, and I found it the hardest marathon I've done. Declan Toland: It's actually good point because I've actually there's a fella and worker a lot of fellas Martins but there's one particular fella he said to me before Dublin last year, he said the hardest part about the Martin is to turn up to the start line injury free. Laur: Yes. absolutely. It really is. I think, you know, at your the marathon is your victory lap. You've done the hard work, is all the hard work, so much of the hard work is done before you get to the fit the start line. It is an absolute challenge. And that's why does only one percent of the population do it? Because it is so hard. I know you're suffering with the planter, and that's a really difficult injury to deal with when you're marathon training. but it is it is so hard to put that time in, to remain injury free, to recover, to run, to get your nutrition right. It's a full time job almost, isn't it? Declan Toland: This yeah. And so I I've I'm blessed with my job. I can do it dur I can run sometimes during work hours. I don't know how people like yourself do shift work and then come off and get their time in to train. I just don't know how y people do that. Laur: Yeah, it's it is. It's Declan Toland: Yeah, so Laur: difficult. Declan Toland: So you claimed Kil Kilimanjaro in twenty eleven. Laur: Yes, yeah, yeah, I did. That was an amazing experience. we raised it for we did it for Jack and Jill Children's Foundation, myself and four of the girls. So we paid for it ourselves and then anything we raised went directly to the foundation. So it was so diff it was really difficult. I got quite bad attitude sickness on day three. I was only talking about this to one of the paramedics who had done it there at the weekend. He had done it. So you're fine for day one and day two. And then tr day three, the altitude sickness kick kicks in. And I was so sick. Just the vomiting and the diarrhea. and I think at one point I was seeing clowns on a tree. you know, there's great medical teams there that are assessing you the whole time and they'll pull you off. Like they don't really leave it to chance. you know, so there were you know, I I think I was at a point where they were worried, could I continue? and I got to the last point of the Kilimanjaro climb and I got snow snow blindness. So I got to the top and I was blind. Declan Toland: No. Laur: I couldn't see. So I got up the Declan Toland: Ha ha Laur: whole way after seven days to the top and I couldn't see a thing. I just when ha that morning just it took about a day to recover. and I was going, I'm on a mountain and I'm blind. I can't see. but it it was just I hadn't got the sunglasses on me and it's so bright up there that yeah. Got snow blindness at the top of Kilimanjaro. But it was an amazing experience. Declan Toland: I've never actually heard it. I never heard that before. Laur: Yeah, yeah. I I didn't either. Didn't even know it was a thing. and I thought my Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: sight was gone because I didn't know that it, you know, it it was only temporary. but the just the people that you met en route and the Sherpas were unbelievable. It's a different world over there, but such an amazing experience. Declan Toland: Heard some amounts of story, good stories about it. so Laurie, you've been you you you've been open about your you went through different a difficult separation and divorce. Without going into anything you don't want to go into, what impact did that period have on your personally? Laur: it was probably life changing. it was really difficult because the kids were very, very young when it all happened. and I'm still trying to process quite a bit of it. It took so much time from the kids. and I think that has been the hardest part to come to terms with not the actual separation itself. but you know, losing that time with the kids, you know, my youngest was only barely two when we separated and you know it it I don't even remember his early years. that was really difficult. it kind of changed it changed how I saw the world. But I you know it wasn't a simple divorce and there was a lot went on with it. so it it was traumatic, absolutely traumatic. and it is a reason that I'm still, you know, recovering today. but then I look at it also and go, you know what, it made me a stronger person. I didn't think I had the inner strength that I had. and I think when you're ki when you have kids, they are your strength, you know. they were they are my strength and, you know, my reason for putting so much into my mental health is for because I want them to have a positive role model. you know, and I got to got to meet my partner, which I never expected on my my line in the sand was when I divorced and separated, I will never meet someone again. And you know, it happened out of the blue and you know, I was very resistant for a while. I was like, no, no, no, this is a social experiment going on a date. And you know what, he's just been fantastic. you know, so it just showed me that there is, no matter the dark times, that there is there is light at the end of those dark times. and I wouldn't be who I w am today without the kids, as I said, and you know, they do show you an inner strength, because you have to function, you have to get them to school, you have to be mom. so it did I learnt an awful lot about myself. I learned that I'm so much stronger than I ever thought I was. that's yeah, that's what it showed me. Declan Toland: Laura, anybody listening to or watching us today, and might be going through the same scenario or same situation, or maybe even thinking, I I'm stuck in a relationship, I don't want to be in, what advice Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: would you give them? Laur: It's you know what, it is incredibly hard to leave something. It is, and it's incredibly hard to leave something that mightn't be good for you. and I think it's confiding in a close friend. I had a small group of friends that knew about everything that was going on and were there all the way through the divorce process and the separation process, and they were my tribe, they were they were they they The help that them and their families gave me was just unbelievable. and in those early days, like I was reliant on that help. my advice would be to just talk to to one talk to someone, confide in a close friend. you will get through it. And and I spent days wondering, would I get through it? you know, because there was very, very dark days. it's incredibly overwhelming. The c family court system in this country is extremely difficult and the delays are long, but it is one day at a time. And it's l it's it's not linear. It's one good day, one bad day, one good day. So you're gonna have days where you feel like this is never gonna end, you know, and that's that's normal. But there will be days when things feel a bit easier. I call them glimmers. So my glimmers might be meeting a friend for a coffee on a really dark day. You know, you don't have to have sunshine that day, but you might have a glimmer of light and it might be meeting a friend for a coffee. It might be something the kids said that was funny. It might be that you didn't burn the dinner. hang on to your glimmers. You know, it doesn't have to be all rainbow and sunshine. A glimmer is enough some days. Declan Toland: That's me, it's Garywood advice. does mothers sometimes feel pressure to look like they're coping, even when they're not? Laur: I a hundred percent think so. Yeah, absolutely. And some of that is coming from society and I sometimes and some of that is coming from ourselves. I definitely felt the pressure to look like I was coping when I was finding it difficult to cope. you know, I definitely had postpartum depression on the second and well, probably all of them, but certainly on the second and the third. But I never spoke about it. I never spoke about it. I didn't want to be seen as needing help. or that I wasn't coping. And I hope that stigma is going now. Like the my kids are, you know, as I said, the youngest is eight, and I think a lot is changing in that respect. And that's why I I try and use my platform to keep things real as a mom and a runner and go, you what, like we are gonna have days where we're not coping. but yeah, I I do think that nowadays, whether it be through social media, society's expectations of us that, you know, we're seen to be you should be coping. But I do think the same goes for men. I think that, you know, a lot of men don't cope, but put on a front that they're coping because they feel that they should be, you know, I do think that for men it is the same. And, you know, we have such a mental health crisis with men at the moment. it's it's really, really tough and there needs to be more conversations around that as well. Men are getting a bad rap at the minute and there's a lot of good men out there, you know, and I have one of them. you know, and I think, you Declan Toland: Yeah, not really. Laur: know Declan Toland: You'll probably see Laura at the night in the next couple of weeks, I have a psychotherapist on on the one of our episodes and the main thing is around Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: mental health and so on. But we're gonna talk a bit more about men and challenges of people men do go through because you don't listen to my many podcasts about men about men. Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: so we're gonna have a bit particular. you also mentioned David Goggins as an insp Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: inspiration. what is that what's the story about Laur: Yes. Declan Toland: there? Laur: I I read his book when I was going through my separation and divorce, and we were just in the middle of COVID and everything. I used to listen to his audiobook every car journey to work, every car journey back, out when I was running. And just if you look at his backstory, the adversity he had in his life from day one was just unbelievable. You know, a mum that was trying to hold it together, an abusive father, I think there was an abusive step parents as well and you know he suffered with his weight he suffered intellec you know intellectually he struggled like he had every you know he saw so many traumatic things and he used those things to build him into the man that he is today and some people might love him some people might hate him but I think he's fantastic for how he has channeled his you know his trauma And he's you know, how he has tra tra channelled that and his determination to be a better person. Declan Toland: so are you naturally resilient or did that come true with the challenges? Did you p pick that up over the difficult times? Laur: I think I probably picked it up to be honest. Yeah, yeah. I think yeah, just through through different things that I've been through in my lifetime. yeah, I definitely it it's happened along the way. I I think so anyway. Declan Toland: Is there of always being the strong one when you're allowed to when you allow yourself not to be strong? Laur: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's what happened over the last couple of months to me. I was always trying to be strong. I suppose, you know, for the kids, for myself, for my partner. and you do, you know, I think you then think you have to stay in that role. and it was only in the last couple of months that I went, I I don't feel very strong at the minute. This is I need I need I need someone to, you know, I need a bit of support. you know, I think sometimes the persona we put out to people, you know, no one would ever think to look at me that, you know, like I'm naturally, I'm outgoing, I'm chatty, I'm smiley, I know all of that. But if you met me at face value, you would probably think, she's got it all together. you know, I But I I definitely, you know, feel that I probably put that pressure on myself as well to f to appear that I have it all together. And none of us have it all together. Like I and I think that's I've I've definitely learned that through my job. Like I've dealt with patients, like very high profile patients, you know, that you would think have everything together. And, you know, that they're struggling with something. Everyone is struggling with something. And I think it's just admitting to ourselves, you know, I'm not. I I'm not it's okay not to be strong all the time. because we can be strong all the time. Like, you know, you do you do burn out eventually. and that certainly I think happened Declan Toland: Yeah. Laur: to me. And that's that's okay. It's you know, we all have road bumps. Declan Toland: Yeah, it's okay not to be okay. of when you look at the person you are now. Laur: I think probably what I'm most proud of is How I have overcome a lot of adversity. and I know I have, and I'm not I'm not bigging myself up there, but I know I've come through challenges a lot of challenges that I thought would break me. and I've come through them, and I think it's given me a you know, a different outlook in life. and I'm so proud of the ma'am. That I that I am today. None of us are perfect parents. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. But I think, you know, want I I see I see how they're developing into young adults, especially the older two, and they're such good kids. and great qualities. And, you know, you're just you're just thinking, you know what, I I'm not doing a bad job. We're we're not doing too bad of a job. But I think I am very proud of the mental strength that I have gained as a result of things that I've gone through. and I'm very proud to be a nurse as well. You know, I'm very proud to be an emergency nurse. It's not an easy job. No job in the first, you know, front line is. but I I'm proud of the work that I do as well. So yeah, I think that's definitely they'd be the the main things. I would say I'm proud to be a great partner, but that's that's Larry's that's for Larry to be decided to decide. Declan Toland: Absolutely, should be. We'll bring Larry over, So what's still on the, what's still on, so what's next for Laura Fleming? Laur: So next for me is I'd love to do an overseas marathon. I was talking to a few runners from Cork there at the Clanmelh Marathon, and that we're going to do Amsterdam next year. So I'd love to do Amsterdam Marathon. I I I feel I've done a lot of hilly marathons now at this point. and I'm I'm doing myself a disservice to getting a B PB by picking the hilly ones. So I'd love to do one abroad. so I've I've kind of have my sights on Amsterdam next year. for this year it is just about doing a couple of more halves. I had been sub to half marathon before, but I just I kinda lost my str sp my speed work doing the marathon training because I suppose so much focus is on remaining injury free and getting the long runs in. so definitely want to get back doing sub two half maritons and using that as a base then for training for next year. That's that's the kind of lot Declan Toland: Summit. Laur: short term goal with the the running. Declan Toland: So Laura, we two more questions left, so ask her everything you've seen and been through. What matters to you now? Laur: Family. Family and friends. Yeah, close friends and family. And you know what? it's the little things in life matter. It is the small little wins every day that matter. I think we've become so focused on our the bigger bigger things in life. Like you said at the start of the podcast, your pension, your wages, the house, the car. but to me it's the little things. It is, you know, seeing the kids happy. seeing them, you know, I always say to the kids, I do not care what you do in your life, as long as you're happy in yourselves. and that to me is is is the most important thing now. Just being mentally happy, Declan Toland: Absolutely. Laur: a comfortable Declan Toland: No, absolutely. going to, we have quick fire questions for you, Laura, just a few small ones, okay? So we'll do this and then I'll finish off with one last question then. So, roll one or trade one? Laur: trail running, I think. love the piece of trail running. Yeah, absolutely. And love the fact that you have to concentrate so hard that nothing else is on your mind bar not falling on your face over a tree branch. Declan Toland: On marten morning are you excited or terrified? Laur: Terrified, absolutely terrified. Yeah. Even though I've done seven, the fear on Marathon Morning is like no other. I can't I lose the basic ability to tie my laces on Marathon morning. I am a disaster. I'm like a toddler having to be led around the place on Marathon morning. Declan Toland: so do you like running alone or do you like running in groups? Laur: I like running alone. I I l yeah, I'm a bit of a loner when it comes to running. Yeah, I do. I I like my own space. I like my running is my sacred space to process things. So I do love running in a group at times, but I would always pick being alone like that. Yeah. I've kind of got used to my own company running, so it's Declan Toland: One place you'd love to hike. Laur: Yeah. Declan Toland: So Laura, we'll finish up on this one, okay? So one word your kids would use to describe you. Laur: One word my kids will Declan Toland: describe. So one word your kids would use to describe you. Laur: I think But I'm trying to think. Loving. I am I am like smother than what c smother than with cuddles. My my eight-year-old, Declan Toland: you Laur: every time he comes back to me from his dad's, we do the lift test. So it's the test I do to see that can I still lift him. and I must kiss them about 200 times a day. So yeah, they're like, please mom, go away. Declan Toland: So Laura, I finish every single episode with the same question. So what does on your own time mean to you? Laur: My own time means to me kind of I suppose taking taking the time to make sure you're okay, using that time wisely, whether it's going for a walk, going for a run, talking with a friend, you know, time is a precious commodity and it is something that we are very you know poor in at in every day, I suppose every day now. so just putting part of the part of the day away from for yourself, you know, whether it's five minutes, I get up in the morning before anyone else gets up. and that time to me is so precious. I get the coffee in before anyone else is awake. and it's my time then to just kind of figure out my head what's going on that day. So yeah. And just what I see through work, just making the most of life. Declan Toland: Yeah, no, brilliant Laura. So that's it Laura. Thanks very much for coming on your own TOYIN podcast. And if anybody wants to follow you, what's the best way to follow you Laura? Laur: I have to look up the the tagline on on TikTok. That's terrible. Declan Toland: Jesus, we'll have to do that again though. Laur: People are like, what's your TikTok? I'm like, it is the Irish Mariner Nurse Mom on TikTok. Yeah, so you'll find me there. Declan Toland: Okay, so I'm gonna share all your stuff under this episode on Spotify and YouTube and go over and watch Laura's social media page. Laur: It was lovely chatting to you. Declan Toland: Thanks very much for coming on and I wish you the best of luck going forward and hopefully you don't have to deal with me at the end of the marathon at Dublin. Laur: That's it. Come over and say hello anyway. And the very best to look to Declan Toland: I will indeed, I will indeed. Laur: to you do.