Latest / The Talent Brief / The Lies We Learn To Live With
Transcript
- Jeff Ganter: Let's talk about lying. Not the big ones. Not cheating. Not some elaborate story you know isn't true. I'm talking about the little lies we barely notice anymore. I'm fine. I'm just busy. It doesn't bother me. I don't care what they think. I'm being realistic. I'm staying because I'm loyal. I just need to get through this week. Sound familiar? I'm Jeff Gantor, and thanks for listening to the Talent Brief. Here's what makes this uncomfortable. Most of us probably don't think of those statements as lies. And sometimes they aren't. But sometimes we know. We know I'm fine actually means I don't want to talk about it. We know I'm busy. Sometimes means I don't want to make time for that. We know I'm being realistic can mean I'm scared to try. And I'm staying because I'm loyal can sometimes mean I'm afraid of what happens if I leave. That doesn't make us dishonest people. It makes us human. Because sometimes the lie asks less of us than the truth. Sit with that for a second. The truth might require a conversation you've been avoiding. The truth might mean omitting. You're unhappy. It might mean setting a boundary, changing jobs, ending a relationship, asking for help, apologizing, saying no. Or maybe saying yes to something you've been convincing yourself you don't want. And that's where these little lies become interesting. Because we don't always use them to deceive other people. Sometimes we use them to protect ourselves from what the truth might require us to do next. And we do this at work all the time. This is just how leadership works. Culture isn't that bad. I should be grateful to have a job. I'm doing this for my team. I can handle it. And we do it in our own personal lives too. We're good. I'm over it. I don't need anyone. I don't have time. I'll deal with it later. Say something often enough and eventually you can stop hearing the question underneath it Is this actually true? That's where signals versus scripts come in. Because the signal often knows the truth long before we're willing to say it. And not in your stomach. The hesitation before you answer. The exhaustion you keep explaining away, the conversation you keep rehearsing but never have the thing you keep thinking about when everything gets quiet. Those are signals. Then the script shows up. Don't make a big deal out of it. Other people have it worse. Be grateful. Push through. Now isn't the right time. Maybe next year. The signal gives you information. The script gives you a reason not to do anything with it. So here's where I want to challenge you. Don't ask yourself, where am I lying? That question comes loaded with judgment, and judgment usually makes us defend ourselves. Ask something more useful. What do I keep saying that I'm no longer sure I believe? Notice it. Name it, question it, and then decide what you want to do with what you discovered. You don't have to quit the job tomorrow. You don't have to end the relationship. You don't have to confront somebody tonight. You don't even have to know what happens next. But maybe you stop pretending you don't know what you know. Because sometimes the first truth we need to tell isn't to somebody else, it's to ourselves. One last signal. What has become easier for you to keep saying than to finally question? And what might change if you stopped calling it the truth simply because you've been saying it for a long time? If someone came to mind while you were listening, share this with them. Not because you think they're lying. Maybe because there's something they've been trying to tell themselves the truth about too. Trust the signal, question the script. Thanks for listening. See you soon. Bye.