Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Mark Simmons: Detailed Joke Writing, Stand-Up Revelations & His Latest Tour | TalkBox Ep. 50

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Mark Simmons: Detailed Joke Writing, Stand-Up Revelations & His Latest Tour | TalkBox Ep. 50 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

• 0:00
  Hi guys, our guest this week on Rich Vulture's talk box is Mark
• 0:05
  Simmons. So if you like what you see,
• 0:10
  press like and leave a review and all the world will be your
• 0:15
  oyster. So let's check it out.
• 0:18
  It's a wonder fun show, OK? Believe me please.
• 0:40
  Temporary restraining order. Oh, oh, Mark.
• 0:51
  Oh, hello. Hey.
• 0:52
  How's it going? What are you doing?
• 0:54
  I'd left. My coffee.
• 0:55
  Oh, OK. Do you want to do a podcast?
• 0:58
  Hang on. Yeah, I might.
• 0:59
  Have. Yeah, I've got time, I think.
• 1:04
  OK, have a seat. This is perfect.
• 1:07
  Kenny, this is great. Are you?
• 1:10
  Just going to be on your own. Yeah, Mark Simmons, everybody.
• 1:15
  Hello, great to see you how? Are you good to see you?
• 1:19
  Have we ever met before? No, I don't think so.
• 1:22
  Yeah, I hate it when I've met someone and they go, you don't
• 1:25
  remember. Yeah.
• 1:26
  So do you always do the thing I do that where you go?
• 1:28
  Have we? We have because if you go
• 1:30
  positive, like we've met, haven't we?
• 1:32
  If you go no, that's OK. Yeah, but but if it is, yes, you
• 1:36
  can just go along with it. So it's fine.
• 1:37
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:38
  So you did well there. I hate people though who call
• 1:40
  you on it like you don't remember.
• 1:42
  Yeah, that's I. Think about it.
• 1:45
  The worst is if they, if you sort of you'll go along with it
• 1:48
  and then they, they go, they just go, what's my name then?
• 1:52
  And I'm like, Oh no, that's so bad.
• 1:58
  What I my, my nightmare. This hasn't happened because
• 2:01
  luckily we're luckily we're not really in a signing things era.
• 2:06
  It's like photos, selfies these days, isn't it, rather than
• 2:09
  autographs? But my worry is like, after a
• 2:11
  show, someone I know wants me to write something for them, and
• 2:16
  then I have to write their name. Yeah.
• 2:18
  Yeah. Like so how do you spell?
• 2:20
  Give them a nickname. Yeah, yeah, Big dog or
• 2:23
  something. Buddy boy.
• 2:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good, that's a good
• 2:26
  idea. There are people though, that
• 2:27
  have you signed? Have you ever had the eBay
• 2:30
  people? No, I'm not.
• 2:32
  Like I'm not that level of like no one's, no one's buying they.
• 2:35
  Will though. I do sell.
• 2:37
  I've got merch on my tour, actually, and I sell greetings
• 2:39
  cards with my jokes on, so they do something to get me to sign
• 2:43
  it, but I haven't had to sort of write it to someone that I know
• 2:46
  yet. But that's not that's another
• 2:47
  worry of mine. So yeah, maybe I should always
• 2:50
  maybe I should give my fans a nickname so it always is the
• 2:55
  same thing. Do it.
• 2:56
  So what would that be? The Simmons does isn't Simmons
• 2:59
  is a bad Sims The Sims. The Sims.
• 3:02
  The Sims. Hey Sims SIM.
• 3:05
  And you'd go like The Simpsons. Yeah, theme.
• 3:08
  You go The Sims. And then got it.
• 3:11
  And there is a, there's a, there's a, there's a game, isn't
• 3:14
  there, called The Sims? Yes.
• 3:15
  So I don't, but I haven't ever played.
• 3:17
  Have you played this? Yeah, when I was younger.
• 3:19
  Yeah, Yeah. Oh, really?
• 3:22
  So are you lying? Is that true?
• 3:24
  I was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.
• 3:26
  And then. Oh, nice.
• 3:27
  This is good stuff. This is comedy.
• 3:29
  This is great, but Speaking of greeting cards, that's a great
• 3:33
  idea with jokes because yeah, you're so shit greeting cards.
• 3:37
  I'll figure out my jokes. Your jokes are so shit.
• 3:44
  I've been meaning to say this, Mark.
• 3:47
  Yeah, someone had to say it. No, but cards, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 3:50
  they're terrible. And you, you're still obliged to
• 3:53
  buy them. Yeah.
• 3:55
  So you writing your jokes on the card, That's a great idea.
• 3:59
  Yeah, but it's like like they've been designed as like a design
• 4:02
  and you know, but they're, I think I've got that fire people
• 4:05
  like them. It's good.
• 4:06
  It's really cool. And because last time I had mugs
• 4:09
  on tour, I sold mugs. Yeah, there you go.
• 4:11
  Can people buy those? Yeah.
• 4:13
  That's good, isn't it? Yeah, get get the mugs online.
• 4:17
  Any coaster? Yeah, that's really good.
• 4:20
  Wow. It's all about the merge.
• 4:23
  I'm, I'm smashing this for you, but I had mugs before and mugs
• 4:27
  were a nightmare to carry around everywhere.
• 4:30
  And I, I, I almost bought them again this time, but cards,
• 4:32
  they're so easy. You can have 200 in a box and
• 4:35
  they're just there. So are you responsible for
• 4:37
  selling your own merch? I like to so my, my support act
• 4:41
  Danny Ward, he, he stands behind the desk with me and we sort of
• 4:45
  do it together and let you do it like a meet and greet and if
• 4:47
  people want to have a chat or photo or anything.
• 4:49
  Oh, nice, It's just. Really nice.
• 4:50
  Yeah, 'cause I, I don't know, I'm still at a stage where I'm
• 4:53
  just like really chuffed that people are coming.
• 4:55
  Yeah, yeah. So I kind of want to sort of
• 4:57
  say. How long has this tour been
• 4:58
  going? This one started in January,
• 5:01
  it's my second tour and it's finishing in December.
• 5:04
  Second tour, so it's going it's. Availablemarksimmons.co.uk.
• 5:08
  For the rest of the year. Yeah, yeah.
• 5:10
  Holy crap. Yeah, my first one was a couple
• 5:14
  of years, but that started really small because my social
• 5:16
  media only just sort of started to do well, and then we just
• 5:20
  kept adding as it sort of got bigger.
• 5:21
  And you've got a girlfriend. And the girlfriend?
• 5:23
  Clang. Yeah.
• 5:25
  Have you come along? She's yes, that's a new thing.
• 5:27
  So she hasn't been yet, but yeah, she's coming to my London
• 5:30
  show at Hackney Empire. I'm sure she's Oh, you're really
• 5:33
  good at. This we're setting each other up
• 5:35
  for. This I love.
• 5:36
  This I pitch them high and you knock them out of the park.
• 5:40
  No, she hasn't been. We we met at a gig, actually.
• 5:43
  Oh, really? Yeah, she was front row at the
• 5:47
  99 Club, but she didn't know me, right, which I think is better
• 5:52
  than like front row of my audience.
• 5:54
  And did you talk right after the gig or?
• 5:57
  No, we talked during the gig. Oh, really?
• 6:01
  Yeah, you picked her out. Yeah, well, I I do a thing where
• 6:04
  I ask people what their hobbies are on the front row.
• 6:06
  I've seen them and she couldn't rethink of 1.
• 6:09
  So I got her name and then I said, I'll come back to you
• 6:12
  later. And then went the other side and
• 6:14
  then came back. And then there's just a vibe.
• 6:16
  And there's a bit of my show later where I sort of say, is
• 6:18
  anyone single in? And she was.
• 6:20
  And I was like. You were vibing.
• 6:23
  Yeah, it's good vibe, Yeah. So what was the follow up?
• 6:27
  I of course pitched my social media at the end at jokes with
• 6:31
  Mark and she followed me and I followed back and then she
• 6:36
  messaged me. Oh, nice.
• 6:37
  Yeah, I didn't want to, but I was the.
• 6:40
  She went please leave me alone. Why have you followed me you
• 6:44
  creep? I just tried to watch a gig in
• 6:46
  peace and this you start hitting on me. 3 words Temporary
• 6:50
  restraining order. You knew that was 3 words really
• 6:55
  quick, so you've said that before.
• 6:56
  Yeah, yeah, I'm used to it. DRL.
• 6:59
  What so touring must be? So you're right in the flow of
• 7:07
  it. Yeah, yeah, I love it.
• 7:09
  It's like, it's like my favourite thing but.
• 7:10
  Part of it, too, is when you have a break, it's almost you.
• 7:15
  You want to keep going. In a way it's interesting
• 7:19
  because I, I did in March, it was the busiest I've ever had.
• 7:22
  It was like nearly every day because we went out sort of
• 7:24
  around Scotland and sort of stayed out and and then.
• 7:28
  Yeah, you don't come back from no.
• 7:30
  No, but not commute. But the so when you're doing it
• 7:35
  every day, it just flows and you don't kind of, you don't really
• 7:38
  like need to think about what you're going to do because when
• 7:42
  you get up there it just flows straight away.
• 7:43
  But when I've had like 4 days off, I do need to in my head go
• 7:47
  through all the points of yes, how to get to which bit because
• 7:50
  I do panic that I'll just go blank and they'll be fine
• 7:54
  because I'll just chat to them. But.
• 7:55
  It's like coming back from the moon.
• 7:58
  Exactly, I always said that. You're a lot like Artemis too,
• 8:02
  am I? Yeah, you need to be.
• 8:05
  You need you're in the trailer for a while.
• 8:08
  Yeah, if they compress. Yeah.
• 8:10
  And then you need to totally remember what what happened.
• 8:13
  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a nightmare.
• 8:16
  But you, you do stand up at the moment.
• 8:18
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:19
  Cool. Did you start with stand up?
• 8:21
  No, I started. With improv, yeah, I've done my
• 8:24
  research. Oh yeah.
• 8:25
  Skeetches and scooches. Yeah, my friend used to.
• 8:29
  Say so when did you start doing stand?
• 8:30
  Up. Sorry, it's my interview.
• 8:34
  No, I. I actually I am very interested.
• 8:36
  I started doing it up in Edinburgh.
• 8:38
  I just did as a as a joke, just started to do it right.
• 8:43
  And then I haven't like there's never been a moment where I've
• 8:47
  been like, I'm going to do this seven days a week, right?
• 8:51
  Yeah, it's always been like a couple days here, a couple days
• 8:54
  here. So my my learning curve is.
• 8:56
  You know. Slower, but I love doing it.
• 8:59
  You do. Yeah.
• 9:00
  Oh great. And I want a tour.
• 9:02
  I want a tour. Yeah, amazing.
• 9:04
  So was that Do you start stand up?
• 9:06
  It's my, it's not my podcast. Do you start stand up after the
• 9:09
  Bush? Pretty much more out of the
• 9:13
  boost, yeah. Wow, that's so cool.
• 9:15
  Yeah, that's. Really cool TV stuff.
• 9:17
  And yeah, yeah, yeah, stand up's the best it is.
• 9:20
  I think it's better than because I haven't done a lot of TV, but
• 9:23
  I've done bits and pieces and I like doing it.
• 9:25
  But for me, I want to do that so that I could do more stand up,
• 9:29
  like just so that I can play better rooms.
• 9:32
  And but stand up is the thing. Like I, I didn't do stand up
• 9:35
  because I want to be on TV. Like I just love being up there.
• 9:38
  I just think it's the best. Unless you have an idea, it's
• 9:41
  like I've got an idea. I can say that tonight before a
• 9:45
  crowd of people. Yeah, I've, I've got a bit in my
• 9:47
  show which is specifically designed so that I can do new
• 9:50
  stuff. Yeah, in in each show.
• 9:52
  And I've it's like a section where I'm working on stuff for
• 9:54
  the next tour. Work in progress.
• 9:56
  Yeah, and I it's like a it's it's, I have little sections in
• 10:00
  my because I do 1 liners. I have little sections in my
• 10:02
  show, which is a little bit of a break from the one liners.
• 10:04
  So it's not too much for people because a lot to process.
• 10:06
  Just joke, joke joke. It's too much.
• 10:08
  So I wouldn't say it's too much, no.
• 10:10
  No, it's not I. Didn't mean Jack, Jack, Jack.
• 10:12
  Yeah. But yeah.
• 10:14
  So that's actually, it's like I do a little peek behind the
• 10:17
  curtain where I sort of talk about joke writing and the
• 10:20
  changes I've made to certain jokes that take it from like
• 10:22
  little laugh to a big laugh and stuff like that.
• 10:24
  So I give her a little glimpse in and then within that I can
• 10:27
  just any new ideas? I think the audiences really
• 10:30
  like that because they like to see now a lot of audiences like
• 10:34
  to see how the sausage is made. Yeah, definitely like I I did in
• 10:38
  my when I do Edinburgh. Now sounds dirty.
• 10:40
  Yeah, I'm going to think about that later.
• 10:43
  Hello guys, if you enjoy the episode, please consider
• 10:48
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• 10:52
  end of the episode and you'll get the episodes much earlier
• 10:57
  than all of the other minions out there.
• 11:02
  It's just a little thing we do. So let's get back to the
• 11:07
  episode. But think about it.
• 11:08
  OK, but. When, when I'm in Edinburgh, I
• 11:12
  just do work in progress now really.
• 11:14
  So when I'm up there, naturally I if something doesn't really
• 11:17
  work, I'll sort sort of say I think I need to move that pit
• 11:20
  there for next time. And then after the shows, quite
• 11:23
  often people said, I really love that bit where you're sort of
• 11:26
  analysing it. So I was like, well, I'll just
• 11:28
  stick that in my tour as well if people find it interesting.
• 11:30
  So will you ask somebody after they see you, they go hi and
• 11:34
  then you go, what part did you like?
• 11:36
  I usually do that during the show, really.
• 11:40
  But no, Oh no, sorry. In that situation they'll just
• 11:43
  give me that information. But when I'm on stage, I if, if
• 11:45
  something doesn't work, I would ask a whole audience.
• 11:47
  Sometimes. Why didn't you like that?
• 11:50
  Because. Because.
• 11:50
  Because we have a joke. You want what's?
• 11:52
  The matter with you? But I try, I do, I try to do it
• 11:55
  away where it's not quite like as a little bit more subtle, but
• 11:58
  it's like when you do a joke, you want to take the audience
• 12:02
  down a path of thought and then you come back on.
• 12:05
  It switch a Rooney you. Switch a Rooney.
• 12:06
  Yeah, right. Yeah.
• 12:07
  But I want to know if they were thinking the thing I wanted them
• 12:11
  to think or have I just missed that?
• 12:14
  Because if they're not, yeah, exactly, then you've got to get
• 12:17
  them on the path. Yeah, I had an interesting thing
• 12:20
  the other day I did. I did a home gig in Canterbury
• 12:23
  where I sort of grew up, and it was a lot of people I knew in
• 12:27
  the audience. And my opening joke is a lie,
• 12:30
  right? Yeah.
• 12:30
  And normally it's a big hitting joke for to start the show.
• 12:34
  Buffo. But half the audience know
• 12:38
  they're not being taken down the path because they know that that
• 12:41
  isn't a true thing. Oh.
• 12:43
  So that first joke didn't land like it normally does.
• 12:45
  Because of the local audience. Yeah, because half of them are
• 12:49
  going either going, well, that's not true, or they're going, oh,
• 12:51
  did you know that did. You bullshit.
• 12:54
  Yeah, it's that, yeah. So it's really, I find that I
• 12:57
  find all that stuff stuff quite fascinating, like audience
• 13:00
  psychology and yeah, how jokes work.
• 13:02
  Because sometimes when I do this whole work in progress thing, I
• 13:07
  didn't find out about till I came here, right?
• 13:11
  Because in Los Angeles, I think they kind of, a lot of it was
• 13:15
  work in progress, but they don't.
• 13:17
  They didn't label it yeah as such.
• 13:19
  Is that is that just no abnormal gigs because I had?
• 13:23
  You know, you get a notebook. Yeah.
• 13:25
  I did laundry today. Yeah.
• 13:27
  Yeah. And there's something funny.
• 13:29
  Yeah, I liked it. It's got something, the premise.
• 13:32
  Yeah, laundry is funny it. Is funny because yeah, like at a
• 13:36
  place. Yeah, that's funny.
• 13:39
  Yeah, it's not your house. You got to go somewhere.
• 13:41
  Yeah, with your underpants. And yeah, change.
• 13:43
  Yeah, or you take your clothes off, stick it in, and then wait.
• 13:46
  I don't think you're doing laundry right.
• 13:48
  Cover it out. Yeah, but that's a joke.
• 13:51
  That's that's there you go. Essentially, that's that is a
• 13:54
  reveal. So then you just have to work
• 13:56
  out how do you trick people to the last minute.
• 13:59
  Is that how you come up? Sometimes, yeah, I just sort of,
• 14:04
  yeah, all sorts of ways. But if there's a funny idea, I
• 14:06
  think there was always a perfect way to make it into a joke.
• 14:08
  But it can take years sometimes to get it right.
• 14:10
  Through the course of a day. Yeah.
• 14:13
  Just talking to people, how many jokes will you come up with?
• 14:17
  It depends. If my brain's in tune for it,
• 14:19
  yeah. If I'm not, if I'm tired and
• 14:20
  that nothing. If you're on tour, you're like.
• 14:24
  Wow, weirdly I'm not. I think when I'm on tour and I'm
• 14:28
  on the road, I think driving. I can't be creative.
• 14:32
  But then shut down. Yeah, but then the other day I
• 14:35
  was doing some tour shows but there's only an hour between the
• 14:37
  venues, so I had a lot more of a day free and I was coming up
• 14:40
  with loads of stuff then. So I think, I think I just have
• 14:44
  to have a free mind. Whenever I go to Australia to
• 14:46
  the festivals, I write loads because in a day I just sit out
• 14:49
  in the sun in the cafes and just sit and write and it's amazing.
• 14:53
  I love. It all happening.
• 14:54
  Yeah, how? How about you?
• 14:55
  Like how? I find there's a time, yeah,
• 14:58
  when you get on this role and you.
• 15:01
  I realise that I've got to take advantage of this.
• 15:05
  Get out. Yeah, everybody out.
• 15:07
  Yeah, yeah. No, you're absolutely right.
• 15:09
  But sometimes in that situation, if I've like, written two or
• 15:11
  three things, I'm like, I should probably stop now because I've,
• 15:14
  I've overdone it. But actually, that is when you
• 15:17
  should just keep going and keep writing, writing, writing.
• 15:19
  Yeah. Also talking to people, like a
• 15:23
  lot of people when we did improv and stuff, some people would
• 15:27
  want to do games OK, like zip zaps up and I would like to talk
• 15:32
  to people because even before stand up because you you sort of
• 15:37
  get in this yeah mode of, you know, telling jokes to each
• 15:41
  other. Yeah, yeah, My, my whole
• 15:44
  philosophy is like, if I can replicate like hanging out with
• 15:48
  your friends on stage, that's the ideal.
• 15:52
  That is ideal because from their point of view, they're they're
• 15:56
  relaxed them. Yeah.
• 15:57
  And I think half of the battle is getting the audience to like
• 16:01
  you, slash love you. I think if I, if I do, then
• 16:04
  you're on the way. If I, if I'm not sure about you,
• 16:06
  I think that's really hard to win over no matter how good your
• 16:08
  stuff is. Yeah, I think so, yeah.
• 16:11
  Now have When you were starting out, did you have a particular?
• 16:17
  Is it the same style you have? No, no, I tried loads of
• 16:20
  different styles. Weirdly, actually the boosh was
• 16:23
  quite an influence on me because I wanted my sense of humour.
• 16:29
  Is that kind of sense of humour right.
• 16:31
  But my, but my, what I find funny is, but what I am isn't
• 16:37
  the same. Yeah, I love surreal comedy, but
• 16:40
  I'm not that. And I was really trying to be
• 16:44
  that. And I, I had a sticking point.
• 16:49
  I had like a moment actually, where I was almost, almost gave
• 16:52
  up, stand up because it just wasn't working.
• 16:55
  And weirdly, Stuart Foreman, who we were talking about earlier,
• 16:59
  we were gigging together and he, he, he, he calls this my walk.
• 17:03
  I went on a walk, right? And that's a.
• 17:05
  Walkabout. A walkabout.
• 17:07
  Yeah, I did, because I had a gig and it went really badly and I
• 17:10
  went off really depressed. And that was when I had this
• 17:12
  Eureka moment of what I was doing wrong.
• 17:15
  So I what was it? So I was doing jokes a bit like
• 17:18
  my jokes where you have to think about what like the the joke and
• 17:22
  then you get it right. So that's sort of delayed
• 17:24
  reaction jokes. But I was delivering it a bit
• 17:27
  like no fielding where where I was going.
• 17:30
  I was doing this and I did the punchline.
• 17:31
  Then I went to another one and they weren't didn't laugh at
• 17:33
  that. I was like how?
• 17:34
  And that was just like, I know it seems really simple for
• 17:36
  saying it now, but at the time I didn't realise.
• 17:37
  I was just like, I'm not giving them long enough to to get it
• 17:41
  because I was like the joke. I don't understand why the joke
• 17:42
  doesn't work. And then I just completely
• 17:44
  slowed down. And then the gigs just turned.
• 17:47
  And from there I started to get into like competition finals,
• 17:50
  like new act finals. And then that's when it all sort
• 17:52
  of twisted. But it was that kind of.
• 17:54
  It's a simple thing sometimes, but I think a lot of people go
• 17:58
  through that same sort of process.
• 18:02
  Yeah, yeah. That's sort of Eureka moment.
• 18:04
  And essentially, I think it always comes down to you, just
• 18:07
  got to be you. Up there, you got to be you.
• 18:10
  Yeah, however you, your brain works or you're you know, it's
• 18:14
  like I come up with a few surreal bits, but I I've really
• 18:18
  struggled to turn the material over.
• 18:20
  Whereas now my brain works in Word play.
• 18:22
  Like I spot word play conversation and I come up with
• 18:24
  stuff much. Easier.
• 18:26
  Yeah, but I still wish I was like surreal comedy because.
• 18:30
  See, I sometimes I get, I feel like I'm like when I'm acting,
• 18:37
  sometimes I'm high energy. So I feel like, oh, I got to do
• 18:40
  high energy but my go to is kind of slow.
• 18:44
  Jewish chill. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:46
  But I think I fight that on stage because I feel like
• 18:50
  they're not laughing right now because I'm talking slow.
• 18:53
  Yeah, but you think I'm Canadian?
• 18:55
  Then you do that and it's funny, yeah, but but like, do you find
• 18:59
  that because do you find people expect you to be quite energetic
• 19:03
  because they of what they've known?
• 19:04
  That's what I'm afraid of. Yeah, it's interesting.
• 19:07
  I feel like I'm in this weird state right now but I'm starting
• 19:12
  to do. The more I do the more
• 19:15
  comfortable I am. Just sort.
• 19:16
  Of yeah, exactly. That's that's yeah, You just got
• 19:18
  a gig, gig, gig. It's like when I first watched,
• 19:21
  you know, Adlai Hamden. Yeah.
• 19:24
  So when I first saw, when I first saw his stand up, I've
• 19:26
  never met him actually, but when I first saw his stand up, I was
• 19:29
  gutted because it wasn't Dougal. So if you're known for a thing,
• 19:33
  I imagine you have to make, do you even do address?
• 19:36
  Because if you could address it at the start I guess.
• 19:39
  I'm not Bob Fossil, now for the jokes.
• 19:45
  Everyone leaves. Yeah.
• 19:47
  Yeah, but imagine is a thing that people want you to, if they
• 19:51
  know you for something, that they want you to be that thing.
• 19:54
  It is true, yeah. Yeah, but then I guess if you're
• 19:57
  slow and then you go into a bit of energy, that's nice for a gig
• 20:00
  anyway because you're. Up and down, yeah, yeah.
• 20:02
  But what sort of? Sorry, I'll just ask you those
• 20:04
  questions, but what sort of jokes are you?
• 20:06
  What sort of style are you doing?
• 20:07
  Is it kind of surreal comedy you're doing on stage or is it
• 20:10
  like stand up, stand up like? I do stand.
• 20:13
  See, that's the thing too, is I have surreal elements to it.
• 20:16
  Yeah. And then I also have regular
• 20:19
  stand up. And then I think, oh, what
• 20:21
  should I be doing more of? Yeah, yeah.
• 20:23
  Because they do respond to a lot of the surreal stuff, but maybe
• 20:28
  it's because it's juxtaposed. Yeah, exactly.
• 20:32
  Yeah. Is this boring you?
• 20:34
  I think it's great, OK? I think people like this.
• 20:36
  I like it. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:38
  Yeah, we're getting to the depths of it.
• 20:39
  Yeah. So when's your next gig?
• 20:42
  Tomorrow, actually, a Bill Murray.
• 20:44
  Oh, nice. Yeah.
• 20:45
  Yeah. Go see it.
• 20:47
  Yeah. Well, now it went.
• 20:48
  When's this going out? Tonight is it?
• 20:51
  No, No. That's a shame.
• 20:53
  Unless you're always at Bill Murray, then it's fine.
• 20:56
  But yeah, that's a nice venue, isn't it?
• 20:58
  It's great. Yeah, it's really cool.
• 21:00
  I love it. I love the venues where you can
• 21:02
  just feel relaxed in front. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:06
  I haven't been there for ages actually, but next year I'm.
• 21:09
  I'm just, I'm just going to stay in London.
• 21:10
  I think if I can do as much as possible.
• 21:13
  I've just been travelling so much this year.
• 21:14
  So yeah, stay in London and then just go out when my tour and
• 21:19
  stuff. So how did all this get started?
• 21:21
  And like, when you were growing up, were you into comedy like.
• 21:25
  I was into comedy but I had a massive fear of talking in front
• 21:28
  of people so I didn't ever think I could do it.
• 21:32
  And you forced yourself one day. Wow.
• 21:35
  Sort of. My friend Joey Gordon Liddy,
• 21:37
  Yeah. Don't you ever see that book?
• 21:39
  Though what's that? He's one of the guys who was
• 21:41
  breaking into the Watergate, and he's like this really tough guy,
• 21:45
  OK? So he was afraid of rats.
• 21:49
  So he one day he ate a rat and he was afraid of thunderstorms,
• 21:54
  so he tied himself to a tree. OK.
• 21:57
  So it like yeah, no, yeah, they. Seen his fears?
• 22:00
  No. But I used to avoid my fears
• 22:02
  when I was younger. But I definitely had a shift in
• 22:05
  that because I guess I realised that actually it works out all
• 22:08
  right if you go for something. But my friend.
• 22:11
  So I finished university and my friend Stuart who keep name
• 22:15
  dropping. Stuart Foreman What?
• 22:16
  Was your? What did you study?
• 22:18
  Sport Science. Nice.
• 22:21
  So very different, but there was a point that's so.
• 22:23
  Cool, Which? Which sport?
• 22:25
  Or just in general? Yeah, just like Physiology,
• 22:28
  psychology, biology, all that sort of stuff within.
• 22:31
  That's amazing. Yeah, but I but like there was a
• 22:34
  point when I was at school where I had to decide 2 subjects and I
• 22:37
  had to choose PE or drama and I went PE and so when that RIP
• 22:42
  I've ended up. Because you were afraid of the
• 22:44
  drama. I guess I probably, that
• 22:45
  probably was it. Yeah, Yeah.
• 22:48
  But I but I loved it, but I was also scared of it, if you know
• 22:51
  what I mean. Like I liked performing, but
• 22:55
  well, I think I must say when I was younger, but when I I think
• 22:57
  when I hit sort of 1314, I guess when you suddenly very
• 23:01
  self-conscious, yes, if I had to stand up in front of the class
• 23:04
  and deliver anything. Scary, scary.
• 23:07
  Like I'd, I'd want to have a, I'd have the day off.
• 23:09
  I mean, I'd I'd avoid it at all costs.
• 23:11
  You know, I would do it because my dad is in the Air Force and
• 23:16
  we moved around a lot, so I felt like I had to ingratiate myself
• 23:22
  by performing. So that led to you being very
• 23:26
  comfortable. Well, it was more a fight or
• 23:30
  flight. Thing, yeah.
• 23:32
  And I wasn't a fighter. So yeah, my, I channelled it
• 23:37
  into like, trying to make people, yeah.
• 23:40
  Yeah, so, so I asked. At university, I, I, I worked in
• 23:43
  a gym. And my friend Stuart Foreman, he
• 23:45
  was a friend of a friend, so I didn't actually know him, but we
• 23:47
  bumped into each other and I was helping him in the gym and he
• 23:51
  was telling me about this open mic comedy thing.
• 23:54
  That he was doing and I. Was like, I don't even know what
• 23:56
  that is. Like I've no idea what that even
• 23:58
  is. So you had already been through
• 24:01
  uni? Yeah, I literally didn't know
• 24:03
  existed. All I knew were comedy.
• 24:04
  Was in a cave. It was in the IT was in the IT
• 24:07
  was, it was The Cave University. Yeah, it was, it was a little
• 24:12
  village. Oh, OK.
• 24:13
  It was like it was a sports campus in the middle of nowhere
• 24:17
  basically in Cheshire. But so all I knew was like Lee
• 24:21
  Evans or things like that and that, like, I just didn't
• 24:24
  understand how you would get to that.
• 24:26
  Had you seen comedy live before? Seen, I seen, I seen Russ
• 24:32
  Abbott. Do you know Russ Abbott?
• 24:34
  Yeah, I've heard of. Him huge in the 80s and 90s.
• 24:37
  And Jim Davidson. Yeah.
• 24:39
  Different vibe though. Yeah, that was yeah.
• 24:41
  Russ Abbott was very sort of family friendly, sketchy stuff.
• 24:44
  Yeah. And we just saw him once when I
• 24:45
  was on holiday, but I'd never went to see a stand up before
• 24:48
  that. So my first gig was literally
• 24:52
  the first time I I'd been into a comedy club.
• 24:54
  So I've never. So it was this like overload of
• 24:57
  sensory overload of like, it's downstairs at the King's Head.
• 25:00
  Have you done that one? Yes.
• 25:01
  I love that room. And I just went.
• 25:05
  I can't quite. I can still feel when I think
• 25:08
  about it, I can feel that feeling I had with it.
• 25:10
  It's like I was discovering this, this thing, this
• 25:12
  rock'n'roll. Thing.
• 25:13
  There's nothing like that. It's unbelievable.
• 25:15
  I miss that feeling of and that's why I like going to do
• 25:18
  new act nights and stuff still because I like going on with
• 25:22
  nothing and just trying to get that same feeling back.
• 25:24
  But yeah, I was just. You you had an orgasm.
• 25:28
  Yes, yeah, every time. I love it.
• 25:35
  But but wait, so did you have that with your first now?
• 25:38
  Because you're keyed at improv, so it's slightly different
• 25:40
  because you're on stage with. People.
• 25:41
  Yes. But you still have to but the.
• 25:42
  Stand up was so different in terms of like, shit, yeah, it's
• 25:47
  just me. Yes, hold on here.
• 25:50
  And how was the first one? Well, also I was in Australia
• 25:57
  too with a bunch of people and we were always joking about
• 26:02
  serial killers, right? So I said I would like to do
• 26:06
  stand up as a serial killer on stage.
• 26:10
  So I kind of was wrapping myself up in a kind of a yeah.
• 26:14
  But I did that. I did that with my first one.
• 26:16
  Yeah, I was a serial. Can I, I, I.
• 26:18
  Went most people started. I went on and tried to be as
• 26:21
  weird as possible yes, because I wanted to hide behind something
• 26:24
  yes. So I just went on why I died and
• 26:26
  looked sort of mad and I did sort of laugh at that when I
• 26:28
  walked on. So that sort of made me feel a
• 26:30
  bit comfortable and then but apparently I looked to the floor
• 26:32
  the whole time I was on stage. But I did get some laughs, yes,
• 26:35
  and that gave me that like buzz for.
• 26:38
  Laughs. Yeah, yeah.
• 26:41
  And So what about the second time you went up?
• 26:44
  I don't remember it. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it?
• 26:46
  But I I remember the first one, but I, I I was just in it then
• 26:49
  I, I can't. Were you hooked right away?
• 26:52
  Yeah, but actually the second time would have been at King's
• 26:53
  Head as well. I, I, I kept going back to that
• 26:56
  club every sort of, I don't know, a month or something.
• 26:58
  Wait, I thought you worked at a gym in Canterbury.
• 27:02
  So how did you get to the King's Head?
• 27:05
  Just got the train. How does that work?
• 27:12
  No. My mate, my mate was telling me
• 27:15
  about it and he was doing a gig there and there was a thing
• 27:16
  where you can you either phone up and I think the waiting list
• 27:22
  is really long but you can turn up on the day, he said.
• 27:24
  And if they have someone drop out you can get on.
• 27:28
  So we just used to do that just. A QR wrote jokes.
• 27:31
  I wrote, yeah, I wrote 5 minutes in like a week, which isn't long
• 27:34
  enough. Like it's like the stuff was
• 27:36
  really bad, but I got some laughs because I had one.
• 27:40
  My Nando's joke was one of the first jokes I wrote.
• 27:42
  I love Nando jokes. How do you do you remember?
• 27:45
  Yeah, my grandmother fell asleep in a restaurant.
• 27:47
  It's OK because it was Nando's. So it's a really stupid joke.
• 27:51
  But like, that was just, I think I was like, oh God, I've got to
• 27:54
  write some jokes. And I think I was just in town.
• 27:55
  I saw Nando's and then, oh, there's OK, there's something
• 27:57
  there. But then other stuff just
• 27:59
  really. I have a Nando's joke I tell
• 28:02
  like you know how anniversaries have like it's.
• 28:05
  Really funny if it's the same. Way I did, yeah.
• 28:07
  First year is paper. Yeah.
• 28:10
  Second year is like cotton. Yeah.
• 28:12
  And I think the year 12, which we just did, was Nando's.
• 28:17
  Yeah. That's great.
• 28:20
  It's just a joke. I love it.
• 28:21
  Is that in your set now? Yeah, so please ignore this.
• 28:27
  How do you feel about that? When you about giving jokes.
• 28:29
  Away. Put something on the Internet
• 28:31
  and some people go up. Can't do that anymore.
• 28:35
  Yeah, when we were, when we started, that was sacrilegious.
• 28:38
  Like you can't put anything out there and but now I won't put
• 28:41
  anything out from my tour, so I won't put any of the new stuff.
• 28:45
  So I don't want people seeing the jokes before they come.
• 28:48
  Although I actually did one joke from the new tour on what the
• 28:52
  Week a few months ago and I was like, I'm in an R and it fits so
• 28:57
  perfectly in the bit. I was like, I should do it, but
• 29:00
  I don't want it. It hasn't made a single
• 29:02
  difference in my tour show. Like either people haven't seen
• 29:04
  it or if they have, they're like, oh, that was I like that
• 29:07
  joke. Don't worry about it.
• 29:08
  So I think it's in people's heads that stuff, as long as the
• 29:11
  whole act, they they can't see the whole act before they come
• 29:14
  and see you. The thing about you is you have
• 29:16
  so many jokes. Yeah.
• 29:18
  Interact. Yeah, and people if and they
• 29:21
  were so short as well. So if they do know one, it's
• 29:24
  like, oh, it's only one that's 10 seconds.
• 29:26
  Like yeah, it doesn't really matter.
• 29:27
  Whereas I guess. It's like a race car, you know?
• 29:30
  Yeah. And you're Nando's bit that's
• 29:31
  not gonna, that's so short that that's not gonna if.
• 29:34
  People I lengthen it out though, but I'll do you.
• 29:36
  So yeah, the whole, that's your whole.
• 29:38
  Maybe I just keep. It short.
• 29:41
  Now you've got me thinking. Well, no, but I haven't seen the
• 29:43
  full thing. I need to see it.
• 29:45
  But yeah. What's your hit rate of like
• 29:49
  coming up with an idea and whether it works or not?
• 29:51
  Like if you've got a good hit rate or is it?
• 29:54
  See, here's the thing. If I have a good persona,
• 29:57
  sometimes you can sell it. Yeah, Even if it's not quite the
• 30:02
  funniest. Yeah, but how do you feel about
• 30:04
  that? I don't like that.
• 30:06
  I like the joke to be funny. So what I do is because, because
• 30:10
  you can, because you're obviously your persona finger is
• 30:12
  pretty bigger than what I do, but I try not to.
• 30:16
  Like when I try stuff, I try and make everything very small.
• 30:18
  So I just might understand. I don't really perform it.
• 30:22
  That's. Smart.
• 30:23
  That's and then if it if it works and I OK, that is a good,
• 30:26
  good bit and then you can add to it.
• 30:28
  Then you add Yeah. Whereas if yeah, I'm the same as
• 30:31
  you, I feel like if you're only getting the laugh because of the
• 30:34
  way you're doing something, then it's probably not strong enough.
• 30:36
  Well, see, that's why I find I did those Bill Murray, I did a
• 30:40
  work in progress. I just had loads of jokes I
• 30:44
  wrote that I didn't care about. I just wanted to burp them out.
• 30:49
  But sometimes do you find that you, you, you find goal called
• 30:52
  in the bits that you don't really think?
• 30:54
  Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's the best.
• 30:55
  That's the beauty of it. That's.
• 30:57
  Why? You have to try everything.
• 30:58
  No matter what, you always have to try it because you just don't
• 31:01
  know whether you've got something in there that is
• 31:03
  great. Even the live defecation jokes.
• 31:06
  Yeah, absolutely. But save that to the end.
• 31:08
  Yeah, yeah, that's that's the good.
• 31:10
  That's the good for the. I heard someone that's urinated
• 31:13
  on stage once. A comic.
• 31:15
  Yeah, like an open mic. Yeah, yeah.
• 31:18
  You've probably seen a lot of strange stuff.
• 31:21
  Loads. I've done a lot of weird gigs.
• 31:23
  I did a nudist gig once. I think that's probably the
• 31:25
  weirdest one. No, yeah, It was in a pub in
• 31:28
  London and it was like a nudist group.
• 31:31
  Like I think they hired the comedy promoter to put on a gig
• 31:34
  for them. I guess they do lots of things
• 31:36
  together naked. And I was like, yeah, don't
• 31:39
  bother me. I just, I don't have to be
• 31:40
  naked, so that's fine. I wore.
• 31:42
  I wore. Was that did you ask that right
• 31:45
  away? Yeah, that was the first thing I
• 31:46
  was like, because I feel like you lose a bit of like authority
• 31:51
  on stage. If I can just see the other
• 31:53
  thing dangling do not mean that's.
• 31:55
  Just going to focus on that. Yeah, and if I laugh him before
• 31:59
  I even start, that's the only time when I laugh him I don't
• 32:03
  want. But that was a weird.
• 32:05
  The actual gig was good, actually.
• 32:07
  It was like, it's just a normal gig, but it was very strange.
• 32:11
  So when I got there, something I didn't quite like, I didn't sort
• 32:17
  of anticipate, was the smell in the room.
• 32:21
  Weird smell because yeah, but it's like all body smells in
• 32:26
  one. Wait, so they were?
• 32:28
  Nude. They were all nude together in
• 32:30
  like a small space, quite hot always like on chairs facing
• 32:35
  like a normal gig was in a part above a pub in Kilburn I think,
• 32:40
  and it was like a pungent smell, very weird.
• 32:44
  But the actual gig once you sort of get started, this is fine.
• 32:50
  I did notice that sometimes when I between jokes, I do a so I
• 32:54
  sort of look down to the right every time just naturally.
• 32:57
  And I just kept clocking this man's penis and I had to keep.
• 33:01
  Right, right. Where do you look?
• 33:02
  Yeah, and afterwards when they talk to you afterwards, that's
• 33:05
  weird when you've just got naked people in front of you, just
• 33:07
  just having normal conversations with.
• 33:09
  You and did you tailor your material to nude stuff?
• 33:12
  Not just regular material jokes. I went on stage wearing and one
• 33:17
  of those aprons with the naked body on front just for their
• 33:21
  first joke. Yeah.
• 33:21
  So that that worked. Do you know what I'm talking
• 33:24
  about? You know, like you get an apron
• 33:28
  like a penny. You don't call it Penny, do you?
• 33:30
  But it's got a naked body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:32
  That's funny. Yeah, it was.
• 33:34
  It's alright. It it worked.
• 33:36
  And then I did a joke about saying, you know how like if
• 33:39
  you're nervous, they say you should imagine the audience
• 33:42
  naked. Well, in person it's much, much
• 33:44
  worse. And that got a laugh and then a
• 33:46
  couple of little bits like that. But Oh yeah, something about, I
• 33:50
  don't know what the actual joke I said to us, but the punchline
• 33:52
  was I had something on. So it was like someone said, do
• 33:56
  you want to do a new being that naked, a gig?
• 33:57
  I was like, no, I've got something on or something like
• 33:59
  that. Because the only thing you can
• 34:01
  go wrong sometimes when people go, oh, this is a bunch of, you
• 34:06
  know, chemists, chemists. So you feel obligated to do
• 34:10
  chemistry jokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:12
  It's like corporates, like they say, oh, can you do jokes about
• 34:15
  the company? They don't want that.
• 34:16
  They want regular jokes. Yeah.
• 34:18
  They want stuff that, you know, works.
• 34:19
  Not like it's the first time. Yeah, Yeah.
• 34:24
  And then after that I did get offered a few more nudist gigs
• 34:27
  because I posted about it online, just because it's a
• 34:29
  funny thing to post about. Because you'll you'll be known
• 34:32
  as the nudes. Yeah, I got to do a nudist
• 34:34
  wedding, but they wanted me naked.
• 34:38
  Yeah. And they weren't going to be
• 34:39
  naked. They were, but I just couldn't
• 34:43
  do that. Imagine that That the wedding
• 34:45
  video. Yeah, same that I I said no.
• 34:48
  To that, you could wear the apron.
• 34:50
  You could be nude under the apron.
• 34:52
  Could do, yeah, but I didn't think they'd accept that.
• 34:54
  I think they they really wanted me to be naked for it.
• 34:57
  I know. And I needed the money at the
• 35:00
  time as well. So I was tempted, but I don't
• 35:03
  think, yeah, I think that's a good.
• 35:04
  Idea They wanted you to be one of them.
• 35:06
  I think so, but they've ever yeah, that's quite, it's a
• 35:09
  weird, you know, it's what it's quite, quite a weird community
• 35:12
  that that's it's going to do normal things, but just butt
• 35:15
  naked. Any other weird corporate gigs
• 35:18
  you did that? I did a gig to dogs once.
• 35:21
  Does it bring your own dog gig? That's a tough crowd.
• 35:25
  Yeah. Because one, they don't process
• 35:28
  any English. No, no, I had to talk language.
• 35:32
  I had to bark my jokes at them. But then I lost the owners, do
• 35:37
  you know what I mean? So the owners were there of the
• 35:38
  dogs. So like if I do jokes in
• 35:40
  English, the owners laugh at the dogs don't.
• 35:42
  And if you bark the jokes, the dogs get it, but the owners
• 35:45
  don't. It's a lose lose.
• 35:47
  Property, it's an absolute nightmare.
• 35:48
  It's a 5050 back and forwards. Yeah, so so that, that's a weird
• 35:54
  one. What else have you done?
• 35:58
  Many weight gigs or you probably haven't been put in those.
• 36:01
  Sometimes there would be business gigs.
• 36:04
  Corporate ones, yeah. Yeah, they're.
• 36:05
  Horror sketch stuff. I really.
• 36:08
  And there'd always be like, the person who is the liaison is
• 36:14
  always the one that goes talk about the alcohol problems of
• 36:19
  the vice president. And it's like, then you do
• 36:22
  something and they go, what are you talking about?
• 36:25
  Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just that one person
• 36:28
  thought that was a good idea for the whole yeah, because
• 36:30
  sometimes they can be the corporate gigs.
• 36:33
  They can be quite tense because they kind of they they want,
• 36:36
  they need to look to see whether the boss is all right with the
• 36:39
  jokes and then they'll laugh. If not, they could be really
• 36:42
  frosty. So.
• 36:43
  So I just do my I just do my jokes.
• 36:45
  Yeah. What's your hobby?
• 36:47
  That's that's easy. Just do jokes.
• 36:48
  Yeah, yeah. But.
• 36:52
  Jay Leno has a saying. Do joke, write joke, do joke.
• 36:57
  Get paid. Nice.
• 36:59
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 37:00
  Repeat. Yeah.
• 37:01
  Yeah. No, that's great.
• 37:03
  Yeah, I, I what was I going to say?
• 37:07
  I was going to say something about Jay then, though.
• 37:11
  Then my friend went to see Jay. Then he does it like he does
• 37:13
  like a regular Sunday every week.
• 37:15
  At the ice house have. You seen that?
• 37:17
  I've not been. No.
• 37:18
  Is he good? I'll tell you what, I did see
• 37:21
  him in his heyday. Yeah.
• 37:24
  He was amazing. He he has loads of energy and he
• 37:27
  kills. Yeah.
• 37:29
  Not The Tonight Show stuff, because he's got to be topical
• 37:33
  and stuff. Yeah, but all the other comics
• 37:36
  would always praise Jay I. Guess that's how we got that
• 37:38
  job. Yeah, yeah.
• 37:40
  He was just amazing and he's prolific.
• 37:45
  Yeah, yeah, Yeah, he must. And also what I love about that
• 37:49
  is he must love it because he does it every every week.
• 37:52
  Yeah. I mean, like, that's why like
• 37:54
  with Seinfeld, I don't really get Seinfeld's stuff
• 37:57
  particularly. What do you mean?
• 37:59
  It's not really my stand up taste.
• 38:02
  He. Watches this podcast a lot.
• 38:05
  Well, no. Well, he'll appreciate that
• 38:07
  because he says it as he thinks. But I would love how much he
• 38:10
  loves stand up, Yes. So I will watch anything about
• 38:13
  him talking about stand up, like I really love it.
• 38:17
  He's been on talking about things more recently.
• 38:20
  Yeah, yeah. And I think that's amazing.
• 38:22
  Oh, like he'll like there was this thing he was on Howard
• 38:26
  Stern once talking about how there was a he was talking about
• 38:30
  somebody's last name being like the chemical symbol for boron or
• 38:36
  something, something. And he said he thought about the
• 38:40
  right chemical name for like days and days and tried out
• 38:44
  different ones and like this one worked.
• 38:48
  But this is what I love. This is exactly what I like to
• 38:50
  do is to work all that stuff out.
• 38:52
  Because normally they say KK words, Words that become AK are
• 38:56
  usually the funniest words for some reason.
• 38:58
  And. Pickle is funny.
• 39:00
  Pickle Pico is funny. That's in the sunshine, boys.
• 39:04
  How is that? Kay is funny.
• 39:06
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 39:07
  And then he's. Yeah.
• 39:08
  Yeah, so I had a joke where I had a needed to be a chocolate
• 39:17
  bar. It doesn't matter what chocolate
• 39:19
  bar in the joke, but Kit Kat worked best.
• 39:22
  Kit. Kat and that's 2K's.
• 39:25
  And I think the tea, the hard tea.
• 39:27
  Works too. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
• 39:29
  And there's another one where I had to be a country or people
• 39:33
  and I said Koreans and Koreans works better than any other and
• 39:36
  it always is a bigger laugh. So I tried everything and it's
• 39:38
  always a bigger laugh with Koreans.
• 39:40
  So you went through every? Country in the world.
• 39:42
  Yeah, Algeria. Yeah, really bad.
• 39:47
  But yeah. Are there any other K countries?
• 39:50
  It must be. Kazakhstan.
• 39:51
  Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan.
• 39:53
  No, I wouldn't. Kazakhstan.
• 39:54
  North Korea. You want to get, yeah, you want
• 39:57
  to get straight to the bit, don't you?
• 39:59
  So anything that's too Korean, Koreans is quite short and sharp
• 40:03
  to it. But yeah, Kazakhstanians, I
• 40:06
  guess it would be. Is that what they are?
• 40:08
  Kazakhstan? Kazakhstanians.
• 40:11
  Kosovo. Catalonia.
• 40:14
  Yeah. Canada, that's.
• 40:16
  Canadians. Canadians.
• 40:19
  That might work, but where is K and not C?
• 40:21
  That's the question. Yeah.
• 40:22
  I don't know. Do you ever think of your stuff
• 40:24
  like in my new show? Sometimes, but yeah.
• 40:27
  I should. I'm not at the point where
• 40:30
  sometimes it's just like, how do I even just talk about it?
• 40:34
  And then once you fine tune it, yeah, then that's when it's.
• 40:38
  Yeah. Yeah, once you've got something
• 40:40
  that you're comfortable with up there, then you can really go
• 40:42
  into the small. But your personality must be a
• 40:45
  little bit, dare I say, like a little OCD in terms of your
• 40:50
  material and. Stuff with jokes?
• 40:52
  I guess so, but then. But not in real life.
• 40:54
  You're not like. Not really, I don't think.
• 40:56
  But with jokes, definitely. But then the only reason I do it
• 40:59
  is because they won't work unless I do that.
• 41:02
  Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so I have to do it really,
• 41:05
  otherwise the jokes will bomb. So that's what motivates me, I
• 41:08
  guess, to it. Makes you work.
• 41:11
  Yeah, but I'll keep working on stuff even during the tour.
• 41:15
  I'll just keep going. Really annoyingly.
• 41:17
  At my last tour, I recorded the special and I got this joke
• 41:21
  working after. Like it worked before, but it
• 41:25
  really worked after because I changed.
• 41:27
  What was that joke? That was something.
• 41:29
  There's a bit about picking. I had to pick my nephew up from
• 41:32
  school and I took him to oh wait I got instructions from my
• 41:37
  sister-in-law has taken to the pharmacy to get a very specific
• 41:40
  type of head lice shampoo and when I got back my sister all
• 41:43
  the time I got the wrong one but they were similar looking kids.
• 41:46
  Right. But I used to say they were
• 41:49
  similar kids so normally you'd think shorter the better, but
• 41:53
  similar looking still takes you down the path a bit further
• 41:57
  because that could be similar looking bottles and then kids.
• 42:02
  When you said looking, was that a mistake or you just probably?
• 42:07
  Oh that's a good, I don't know similar looking kids.
• 42:11
  Because sometimes they're happy accidents on stage.
• 42:14
  You know what, I think it wasn't landing that well consistently.
• 42:16
  And I think in the car I was probably just trying to think
• 42:19
  what I could do with it. And then I think that was like,
• 42:21
  I was like, oh, similar looking still works both sides of the
• 42:24
  joke. Yeah.
• 42:26
  And then and also kids. K word so you so that I would
• 42:29
  have read earlier on I would have gone from probably
• 42:32
  children, two kids. What about volume?
• 42:35
  Like, you can say one joke at a certain volume and then you
• 42:38
  could yell certain things. Yeah, and that will get more of
• 42:42
  a laugh. Yeah, and I find sometimes if I
• 42:45
  just move the mic a bit closer to me on the punchline,
• 42:47
  sometimes that would just elevate it a little bit.
• 42:49
  But there's all sorts of these mad things.
• 42:51
  But I do a podcast that's all that.
• 42:53
  It's all about this stuff really.
• 42:55
  It's called jokes, and I chat to comedians about jokes.
• 42:58
  They can't get to work essentially.
• 42:59
  So ideas they like, but for some reason they don't work.
• 43:02
  So then we work out why that is. And actually, to be honest, that
• 43:05
  has probably helped my ACT during that podcast because it
• 43:07
  just, I analysed stuff. It's like a workshop.
• 43:10
  Is it? Yeah, exactly.
• 43:10
  Yeah. Yeah, it's great fun.
• 43:12
  And do people ever come up to you and say, I'm starting?
• 43:16
  How do I do it? Yeah, yeah.
• 43:18
  People ask advice and I'm like, get a life.
• 43:21
  Yeah, yeah, get out to not enough gigs.
• 43:25
  Get out of the house. Yeah, but quite, Yeah, sometimes
• 43:28
  people will say to me, they'll say like, oh, you, you told me
• 43:33
  this. And I'm like, I don't remember
• 43:34
  doing that, but I'm glad. It's so cool that it helped.
• 43:37
  Do you know what I mean? But generally my advice to New
• 43:39
  Axe is gig, gig, gig. Right, right, right.
• 43:41
  Because that's the most important.
• 43:42
  Thing gig, gig gig. Right, right, right.
• 43:44
  Yeah. Not gig.
• 43:46
  Right gig. Right.
• 43:48
  Oh, technically, yeah. Gig.
• 43:49
  Right, gig. Right gig right.
• 43:50
  But gig. Just gig as much as.
• 43:51
  Possible. Like maybe there's people
• 43:53
  thinking there's a shortcut or something but there.
• 43:56
  Isn't no, no, you just have to do it.
• 43:58
  It's like you said, the more you gig, the more comfortable you're
• 44:01
  getting in your own skin up there and what you know how you
• 44:05
  are best funny. But sometimes if you have to
• 44:08
  tell somebody, like maybe they don't have that desire.
• 44:12
  Like sometimes you just do it. You do what you love, right?
• 44:17
  And you're not even thinking about it.
• 44:20
  Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
• 44:21
  I mean, I think about some of the gigs I used to do.
• 44:23
  Like I used to travel miles and miles for no money for 5
• 44:27
  minutes, like and now, like, wow, what a nut case.
• 44:30
  But yeah, but I loved it so much that it's just there's no
• 44:32
  question I was I was going from Kent to Manchester and back in
• 44:36
  the night and then getting off for work the next day.
• 44:38
  And you would do shows that you would never think about doing
• 44:41
  now. Yeah, yeah.
• 44:43
  Absolutely. I know like when when you have
• 44:45
  an improv group or something, say it's five people, some
• 44:50
  people were like, you don't do a show if there's less people in
• 44:54
  the audience than the cast. But then there are always
• 44:58
  people. Like there's four people, let's
• 45:00
  do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 45:02
  But I, I think you should always gig really.
• 45:04
  I like I've done gigs to heart like 1-2 people before.
• 45:07
  Like because you do learn from that.
• 45:09
  Like and sometimes literally just saying if it's brand new
• 45:14
  stuff you're doing, even if it's the one person just saying it
• 45:16
  out loud, you yourself go, that doesn't sound right to me.
• 45:20
  Or you're like, oh, that will be good.
• 45:22
  Like the rhythm and everything. Because you could say it in a
• 45:25
  room by yourself. Do you ever do that?
• 45:29
  Not usually. Only if I'm rehearsing right,
• 45:31
  but not like. To try stuff.
• 45:34
  Not not to not to fear it, I don't.
• 45:36
  Think there's nothing like doing it in front of somebody else?
• 45:39
  Yeah, my first hour is so it's just weird.
• 45:42
  But this there's a guy out who used to go to the gym where I
• 45:45
  worked and he was always showed an interest in comedy.
• 45:48
  So I was had this brand new hour from my first interest back in
• 45:51
  2014 and I just went around his house and just performed it to
• 45:55
  this bloke and that. But but now that looks that
• 45:59
  seems so mad. Like yeah, both topless.
• 46:05
  But but that really helped though, even just doing it to
• 46:09
  that guy, the whole doing the whole thing together, because I
• 46:13
  think back then I probably couldn't get many previews, so I
• 46:15
  didn't really have any opportunity to do a whole hour
• 46:18
  and link it all together with with all been shorter sets.
• 46:21
  That's right, you found a way. Yeah, but but that must.
• 46:24
  I just want to know what he must have been like.
• 46:27
  I think he would support everybody.
• 46:28
  Didn't give you any notes or anything I.
• 46:29
  Think so, yeah, I think he. Any thoughts he adds about it?
• 46:33
  Yeah, yeah, really nice bloke. You didn't tell me it was an
• 46:37
  hour. I know but that is so weird.
• 46:40
  I literally haven't thought about that since, but that is
• 46:43
  mad. I did a one person show in front
• 46:46
  of one person once. Is that why did you think that's
• 46:49
  what one person show you meant? Yeah, it's just one and then a
• 46:53
  two person show is 2 people. Yeah, yeah.
• 46:57
  And how did that go? It was just strange because a
• 47:01
  lot of times you, you gotta you get energy from an audience.
• 47:06
  Yeah, yeah. But one person, it's kind of.
• 47:10
  Hard. I feel sorry for the person
• 47:11
  because even if you're having a nice time, there's a lot of
• 47:14
  pressure on them getting each joke and laughing in.
• 47:17
  The right place you're looking at you and your reaction to
• 47:20
  everything. Yeah, but I bet, I bet, I bet
• 47:26
  some people would love that. Like have you just performed 1
• 47:31
  to 1 to like you could probably make a lot of money.
• 47:34
  Well, have you heard of these gigs where you go to somebody's
• 47:37
  house to do stand up? I I I've heard of the concept
• 47:41
  but but I didn't know it was natural.
• 47:42
  Is that an actual? Oh yeah, people will hire people
• 47:45
  out. For like parties and things and
• 47:47
  then you turn up, it could just be one person.
• 47:49
  Yeah, with your posters all over the wall.
• 47:53
  Like Alan Partridge. Yes, yeah, that's all scary, but
• 47:56
  that needs. To be good money.
• 47:59
  Yeah, I'm sure. Because I've heard of people
• 48:01
  like, you know, you know, like a Saudi Prince or something at a
• 48:07
  party and stuff. Yeah, and you're just doing it
• 48:09
  to them. Yeah, I've had a few comics.
• 48:10
  If I've gone over and done stuff like that, that's crazy.
• 48:13
  Yeah, really, really weird. Especially if you're bombing
• 48:21
  awful. But yeah, so I've done a lot of
• 48:25
  mad gigs, but I'm in a nice position now where I'm playing
• 48:27
  to my audience and it's like a completely.
• 48:28
  Different. That's the idea.
• 48:30
  Yeah, it's a completely different game now, but what is
• 48:33
  interesting is when you do your first.
• 48:34
  I did my first tour and then I went to regular gigs again where
• 48:38
  you've got they don't know who you are so that you have to
• 48:41
  convince them again. And it's such a weird.
• 48:43
  It's a weird dynamic. Yeah, you have to change how you
• 48:46
  start gigs because I could just go on and do the jokes and some
• 48:50
  jokes are sort of more obscure and I know my audience will get
• 48:53
  them. With a regular audience, I have
• 48:57
  to really ease them in. And sometimes I'll go, OK, I'm a
• 49:00
  one liner committee, I'll just tell them exactly what I am.
• 49:03
  Does anybody know what a joke is?
• 49:05
  You'd be surprised. Sometimes you no if I don't.
• 49:08
  I'm a human. I'm going to be talking to you.
• 49:11
  I do. Find sometimes people think
• 49:14
  they're too good for jokes like proper jokes, right and then
• 49:17
  they're like, oh like that after oh, he tried to trick us.
• 49:21
  I just like we have some fun in your.
• 49:23
  Life like a magician. Yeah, they think that.
• 49:25
  And posh people tend to be like that, I find.
• 49:29
  Like you go to the posh of towns, they're they're the
• 49:31
  groaners. They're like, oh.
• 49:33
  What do you find this too? Like dates?
• 49:36
  Like, say the woman likes you and the guy's always like, yeah,
• 49:40
  OK, whatever. Yeah, yeah, made you laugh or
• 49:44
  the other. Yeah, or, or the guy is a big
• 49:47
  fan of jokes and the and the woman is not at all.
• 49:50
  And then she's just like, oh, just got to try and convince
• 49:53
  her. Yeah, but that is my favourite
• 49:55
  compliment. If I if sometimes I'll get that
• 49:58
  after show, she'll say I don't normally like 1 liners, but I
• 50:00
  like the show. And I was like, OK, that's
• 50:02
  that's cool. That's a win to me, but.
• 50:05
  You won them over. Yeah.
• 50:07
  Yeah, What's the next step for Mark Simmons?
• 50:10
  Next step. Yeah, I mean, you love stand up.
• 50:14
  I do. I know that.
• 50:15
  Is there anything you're you're wanting to do like a?
• 50:18
  Yeah, you want to. Know this is a big announcement.
• 50:23
  Yeah, a big announcement. No, I was so stand up wise.
• 50:26
  I just want to keep before turning over shows and and doing
• 50:29
  bigger rooms, but I'd like to make more things like like I
• 50:35
  want to make some stuff on YouTube.
• 50:37
  Yeah, I love kinds. I love.
• 50:41
  I like, I've got ideas for like sitcom masks kind of things.
• 50:45
  So that's what I'd like to do. And I think I'll just make them
• 50:48
  myself. You're the lead.
• 50:50
  I guess so, yeah, I've done a few things.
• 50:53
  I did a. But if you need a wacky
• 50:55
  neighbour, I'd be happy to. Would you?
• 50:57
  Yeah, yeah, sure. Oh amazing.
• 51:00
  Hey, Mark. Hey, Rich.
• 51:03
  Can I borrow the sauce bin? The.
• 51:06
  What? I don't know what that is.
• 51:09
  The sauce bin. Yeah, it's, it's funny already.
• 51:13
  Yeah, see, it's good stuff. We wouldn't even be right to.
• 51:15
  Argue about Yeah. That's great.
• 51:16
  I love it over the hedge. Yeah, like in maybe Tim Allen's
• 51:21
  show. Yeah, yeah.
• 51:23
  What's that called? Home Improvement.
• 51:26
  I didn't like that. Really.
• 51:27
  No, I didn't want to. It's on a lot.
• 51:29
  Back in the day. But yeah, we'd do a better
• 51:31
  version of that. Oh yeah, that wasn't successful
• 51:33
  was. It no, no.
• 51:34
  Yeah, so this is, this is, yeah, OK.
• 51:37
  But yeah, I've got a few things I like to do with that.
• 51:39
  And I'd like, I'm not like a trained actor, but I've done a
• 51:42
  few bits on YouTube with like we had this series called
• 51:45
  Wheelbarrow Town. Oh yeah, I saw some of that.
• 51:48
  Did you? Yeah.
• 51:49
  Really. Yeah.
• 51:49
  It's great. Oh, really?
• 51:50
  Yeah, that's nice. But we made that.
• 51:52
  That was probably the most fun I've ever had.
• 51:55
  Really. Like because my grandparents
• 51:58
  going from that sentence to this one isn't ideal.
• 52:00
  My grandparents died so that's the most fun I've ever had.
• 52:05
  They. Sort of laugh track.
• 52:07
  And they, they left this, their cottage and there was some
• 52:11
  building work going to be happening.
• 52:12
  So I lived there for a little while and then my mate came
• 52:14
  round and we're like, we could make something here.
• 52:16
  It's like a really picturesque sort of cottage.
• 52:18
  Yeah. And then we just, every episode
• 52:21
  we got a different comedian to come and we just improved.
• 52:25
  We knew a rough outline of where we wanted to get to and we just
• 52:28
  riffed the whole thing and it was so much fun so.
• 52:31
  Take advantage of those moments like COVID, so many people talk
• 52:35
  about, oh, I had all this time. Well, COVID, well, I wouldn't
• 52:40
  be, I wouldn't be torn now if it wasn't for COVID because I
• 52:42
  learned how to edit videos in COVID and then put them out.
• 52:46
  And not many people were doing that at the time.
• 52:48
  So and then they blew up and now off the back of that I'm
• 52:51
  touring. But I probably wouldn't be if it
• 52:53
  wasn't for COVID. What do you edit with?
• 52:56
  Premiere Pro. Oh, nice.
• 52:57
  Yeah, Yeah. That's a good one.
• 52:59
  Yes, one of the one of the good ones.
• 53:01
  What do you edit with? I'm not a good editor, no, but I
• 53:06
  do. I'm moving and.
• 53:09
  IMovie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 53:11
  That's a good one. No Mark, we have a set format in
• 53:15
  the show. We're gonna start now.
• 53:17
  Where I No, no, this is just where I ask you some questions.
• 53:21
  OK, cool. And you have to fill in the
• 53:24
  blank. Yeah, OK, cool.
• 53:27
  It's not confusing. Yeah, I know.
• 53:29
  Yeah. Just when you stop talking, I
• 53:30
  say something. Yeah, but it doesn't have to be
• 53:33
  funny. No, thank God.
• 53:35
  It helps though. Oh.
• 53:36
  No. Blank is always out to get me.
• 53:46
  Is there always silence before people think, yeah, are you
• 53:48
  meant to? Are you meant to go?
• 53:49
  Are you meant to go like first thing that comes into your head?
• 53:53
  It's how what you want. To.
• 53:56
  You can be truthful, or you can go for a guarded answer or a
• 54:01
  joke, or. Yeah, and then to be riff on the
• 54:04
  answer. So if I said Lions are always
• 54:08
  out to get me? Are they?
• 54:10
  Yeah. What do you mean in?
• 54:12
  My dreams. Oh, OK.
• 54:14
  Yeah, I dream a lot about lions. Oh.
• 54:16
  That's interesting. Yeah, and they're always chasing
• 54:19
  me in the dreams and I'm just sort of hiding from them and.
• 54:24
  So have you ever looked up a dream book because they have
• 54:26
  like categories like. Yeah, is it?
• 54:29
  Well, the Lion 1 is always in the cat a gory.
• 54:32
  The cat. Yeah, a gory.
• 54:34
  I like it. He's not really, he's not really
• 54:36
  feline that. So I think it was.
• 54:40
  A big pause. Yes.
• 54:44
  So they've, they've always, aren't they just always anxiety?
• 54:48
  I feel like they're always anxiety dream like, like the
• 54:51
  explanations, aren't they? Yeah.
• 54:53
  It's like something's chasing you.
• 54:54
  So you're like. Or maybe you've got a deadline
• 54:57
  and you have a lion dream. Yeah, well, I've, yeah, that
• 55:01
  might because I've always got a deadline because I do Edinburgh
• 55:03
  every year. So it's always that, yeah, it's
• 55:05
  always feels like I've got a deadline.
• 55:06
  Interesting. Writing jokes.
• 55:08
  So they like to do that right then.
• 55:09
  Yeah. OK, that's good.
• 55:12
  When I'm on tour this the the thing I miss most besides my
• 55:18
  family is blank. OK.
• 55:23
  What do I You can't say your girlfriend?
• 55:25
  No. What do I miss most when I'm not
• 55:30
  on tour? Lions.
• 55:35
  No, no, that's a good question. I don't really miss much.
• 55:41
  I miss. What do I miss?
• 55:42
  Future comforts at home. Or maybe, yeah, well, I've got,
• 55:47
  I've got a new flat and I do really enjoy getting home after
• 55:52
  the tour. I just put my feet up in my flat
• 55:55
  because I've got the whole space and it's been, I've never really
• 55:57
  had that. So I've always lived with people
• 55:59
  or people spare rooms or whatever.
• 56:00
  So I've got that whole space now.
• 56:02
  So I do. That is something I really look
• 56:03
  forward to going back to. Yeah, I've got parking space as
• 56:07
  well. You do.
• 56:08
  Yeah, underground parking space. Wow.
• 56:10
  That's all I've ever wanted, if I'm honest with you.
• 56:13
  You're the man. Yeah, yeah, but but when you've
• 56:16
  lived in London a bit and you haven't got your own parking
• 56:18
  space, that's such a stress when you get home after gigs because
• 56:21
  they're all taken, so you have to go miles away from the house.
• 56:25
  So I've got my own space. I think I like the space more
• 56:28
  than the flat, actually. I think that's what sold it.
• 56:31
  It's amazing. I love it.
• 56:33
  OK, so I'm going to say space. Space, yeah.
• 56:36
  Parking space. If I were a blank, life would be
• 56:39
  a lot less stressful. If I was AI, don't know why, I'm
• 56:48
  just thinking of worms. If I was a worm.
• 56:51
  I think, yeah, I don't think that's that.
• 56:53
  It's not a stress. There's a no, it is though,
• 56:55
  isn't it? Because you've got birds.
• 56:57
  Yeah, but you're underground. Yeah, you just wouldn't come up.
• 57:01
  You stay underground. But maybe you don't know about
• 57:04
  birds until you. Yeah.
• 57:06
  Why would you know about birds if you're a worm until you see a
• 57:10
  bird? You wouldn't, do you think?
• 57:11
  Because they're not passing driver, do you think?
• 57:14
  Because if you, if you know about birds as a worm, you've
• 57:17
  been dead, aren't you? Yeah.
• 57:19
  Like there's never a do you think?
• 57:21
  There's never been You don't have time to think about it.
• 57:24
  No, Yeah, yeah. So that's interesting, isn't it?
• 57:27
  It's that it's worms. Don't know what birds?
• 57:29
  Are like to be a worm. That's interesting.
• 57:34
  Almost every time I say blank it's confused for being a joke.
• 57:40
  Sentences OK, Is that that working?
• 57:43
  What you just said whenever I. Almost every time I say
• 57:46
  sentences. Yeah, quite often people will
• 57:49
  say, but like, I'll say something serious and now just
• 57:52
  look at me go, yeah. And so, yeah, that's
• 57:56
  interesting. Well, even people you know.
• 57:58
  Yeah, quite often. What's the joke?
• 58:01
  Yeah, because it maybe it'll just sound like the start of a
• 58:04
  joke. Yeah, but I have it has annoyed
• 58:07
  previous girlfriends the amount of times I joke because they're
• 58:11
  just like can't can't just have a serious conversation with you
• 58:14
  or they'll be saying something really serious.
• 58:15
  And then I'll just get my phone out and just start writing in my
• 58:17
  notes because. Because once you think of a
• 58:19
  word, play. I've I've been pregnant.
• 58:25
  OK, so I can, there's word play in pregnant pause.
• 58:29
  There's a pregnant pause there after and I'll be like, OK,
• 58:32
  let's write, let's write that down.
• 58:34
  It's really frustrating, but I, I've forgotten so many good
• 58:38
  jokes over the years that I know that as soon as I think of
• 58:42
  anything, I have to write it down.
• 58:44
  Otherwise, it's the worst feeling.
• 58:46
  What about putting it into your phone?
• 58:48
  I have done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:51
  When you're driving, that's the worst thing.
• 58:53
  So I'll pull over at services if it's a really good one and all
• 58:56
  the time till I get there I'll just be saying it over and over
• 58:58
  in my head but so I don't forget.
• 59:00
  It it's terrible to forget a joke, it's.
• 59:02
  Horrible. Because that's especially gold.
• 59:04
  Like it's, yeah, it's such hard, so hard to come by.
• 59:07
  It's the same with music, if you've got a melody.
• 59:11
  It might be a nice idea for a show.
• 59:13
  As in just the show is all the jokes I've ever forgotten.
• 59:16
  Yes, it's quite a fun like idea. But yeah, melody, if you're a
• 59:21
  musician. So they write down a melody.
• 59:23
  I don't know how. That works.
• 59:24
  I think they'll sing it into. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 59:28
  Because you can't do that when you're on the in the car, can
• 59:30
  you? You can't just pick your phone
• 59:30
  up. And yeah, I doubt you can do
• 59:32
  that if you're driving. I don't know.
• 59:35
  But yeah, you should have it as part of the car.
• 59:37
  But my notes are crazy and my like I've got all sorts of stuff
• 59:40
  that doesn't make any sense. Well, like sometimes when you
• 59:42
  wake up, you you think of things and then yeah, feels like.
• 59:47
  Yeah, I had one the other day. I wonder if I've got that.
• 59:50
  I actually, I actually wrote a joke in my dream and it was the
• 59:53
  first time it it actually almost made sense or it doesn't know it
• 59:57
  actually does make sense. I don't think it will work live,
• 1:00:00
  but I was doing the joke in my dream and then woke up.
• 1:00:03
  I wrote it down and because quite often that will happen and
• 1:00:05
  it it doesn't make any sense. It was a lion joke.
• 1:00:07
  No, no, it was. I'm so good at relationships.
• 1:00:11
  I've got five of them or something like that.
• 1:00:13
  So it almost works as a joke. And that was in my dream, which
• 1:00:18
  that's good. Yeah, Yeah.
• 1:00:19
  Maybe you can own that. I think my, I don't think the
• 1:00:22
  audience would like it because I'm the, I'm a bad guy in it.
• 1:00:26
  So I feel like. They want you as the hero.
• 1:00:29
  Well, yeah, I just don't think they want you.
• 1:00:31
  The concept of you having lots of relationships I don't think
• 1:00:35
  they like, and stuff like that does subconsciously go on in
• 1:00:39
  their heads to why they laugh or don't laugh, I think.
• 1:00:41
  Right. Yeah, but then I can make it
• 1:00:43
  someone else. My dad was so good at
• 1:00:45
  relationships. He had five of them, maybe.
• 1:00:48
  That's much better. I feel like the pressure's off
• 1:00:51
  here. Yeah, yeah, I'm the good guy
• 1:00:52
  again. They actually, they feel sorry
• 1:00:53
  for me now, so that's perfect. There we go.
• 1:00:57
  I don't think they're gonna. Laugh.
• 1:00:58
  Last question. Sorry, I'm only allowed to go to
• 1:01:02
  one more music concert for eternity.
• 1:01:05
  It will be blank. Oh, I'm not really a music Y
• 1:01:11
  person. That's why it's so good you you
• 1:01:14
  can only pick one. What would I like to go and see?
• 1:01:17
  And it can't be ABBA, but no. No.
• 1:01:20
  Can it be like like Glastonbury where it's all sorts?
• 1:01:24
  Is that? OK, that's.
• 1:01:26
  Is that is that versus? Terrible officer.
• 1:01:28
  I'm going to see, I'm going to see Bon Jovi in September.
• 1:01:31
  And I like Bon Jovi. Yes.
• 1:01:33
  Always like Bon Jovi. Yeah.
• 1:01:34
  Come on. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:37
  I've got a good Bon Jovi impression.
• 1:01:39
  Yeah. Or now I'm working on it.
• 1:01:41
  I went halfway there. There we go.
• 1:01:46
  Great, great. Ending.
• 1:01:48
  Oh yeah, obviously. Should we end on that?
• 1:01:50
  No one more thing though. Oh yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:53
  Plug time. Oh yeah.
• 1:01:54
  If you want to plug anything. Yeah, I'm on tour, so if you'd
• 1:01:58
  like 1 liners, Mark simmons.co.uk and I'm coming all
• 1:02:02
  over the place at USA as well. I'm going to New York.
• 1:02:06
  You'll go over really well, will I?
• 1:02:08
  I think you will. Yeah, I hope so.
• 1:02:11
  Yeah, I've done a couple of gigs in New York, and what I've
• 1:02:13
  discovered was once I know what they'll laugh at, as in what
• 1:02:17
  jokes they get, they really like it.
• 1:02:19
  Yes, because no one really does what I do over there.
• 1:02:22
  So I feel like it's a bit quirky.
• 1:02:24
  For one Liner comics. Yeah, so I need to, before I do
• 1:02:27
  my show, I need to sort of maybe do a few open mics over there
• 1:02:30
  just to work out what they understand and what they don't.
• 1:02:33
  But yeah, I'm looking to walk. Around have a pizza.
• 1:02:36
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go, Yeah, just go and talk
• 1:02:39
  to people and maybe just tell them.
• 1:02:41
  Do you think that would work if I just go and ask?
• 1:02:42
  Just random, Yeah. Can I tell you some jokes and
• 1:02:45
  see if they get them? They think, would they be
• 1:02:48
  accepting of that I. Think they will?
• 1:02:49
  Yeah. Because now people are so used
• 1:02:52
  to being approached by people. Yeah.
• 1:02:54
  You think? Yeah, Yeah.
• 1:02:56
  OK. So that's that's not announced
• 1:02:58
  yet, but I reckon by the time this is out, it probably will
• 1:03:00
  be. So to to look for tickets, it's
• 1:03:02
  on your website. Yeah, Mark simmons.co.uk, it's
• 1:03:04
  got everything on it. And that podcast is called Jokes
• 1:03:06
  with Mark Simmons. Nice.
• 1:03:08
  Which I'd love you to come on at some point if you found I.
• 1:03:09
  Would love to that. 'D be really cool.
• 1:03:11
  Yeah, I'll get some jokes. Yeah, yeah, get do get some
• 1:03:14
  jokes and then but but they can't work.
• 1:03:17
  I don't want them to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:19
  I've got plenty of those. Yeah, great stuff.
• 1:03:22
  Well, thanks for coming mine. Wow, wow.
• 1:03:25
  That got me coffee so. You're the man.
• 1:03:27
  Oh, thank you. You're the man.
• 1:03:29
  No, you're the man. No, you are.
• 1:03:31
  OK, we'll fade out. Yeah, from that.
• 1:03:33
  Yeah. And then come back.
• 1:03:35
  Are we still there? But you're the man.
• 1:03:36
  You're the man. No, you're the man.
• 1:03:38
  You are the man. OK, now we'll fade out and.
• 1:03:40
  Then come back. You're the man, You're the man.
• 1:03:43
  No, you're the. Man, you are the man.
• 1:03:44
  I know you're the man. You're the best man.
• 1:03:46
  All right, that's it. Hi, everybody.
• 1:03:49
  Thanks for listening to the podcast.
• 1:03:51
  I really appreciate your support.
• 1:03:54
  And if you want to support the podcast even more than you are
• 1:03:59
  now, go on Patreon. I'm not going to stop you, I
• 1:04:03
  promise. I've done it before, but I will
• 1:04:06
  not now. And like I promised, I'm going
• 1:04:10
  to give you a answer to one of your questions.
• 1:04:14
  Phil Gallagher writes. Specifically, how do you decide
• 1:04:19
  what to throw away when you have too many things?
• 1:04:23
  Well, Phil, I'm assuming you mean under things like my pants,
• 1:04:30
  and I never throw those away. I sleep on them.
• 1:04:33
  I live in those things and everything else.
• 1:04:38
  I'm a bit of a pack rat, so I don't throw too many things.
• 1:04:42
  Now, are you thinking about throwing out things in the show?
• 1:04:46
  We don't really cut that much out of the show, just some bad
• 1:04:50
  parts maybe where I've done something wrong or I've said
• 1:04:55
  something fascist, but that's about it.
• 1:04:59
  So please, I hope that's adequate for you, Phil.
• 1:05:05
  Thank you Rich Vultures talk box.